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Chan skidded to a halt in front of the information desk, panting slightly. He braced himself on the smooth wood, trying for a weak smile at the two confused librarians sitting behind the desk.
"Good morning! What can I do for you?" one of them asked, pushing her glasses up her nose.
Chan straightened up, bracing one hand on his hip and the other on the baby carrier strapped to his chest. His daughter kicked her feet, gurgling happily at the librarian. Her eyes softened a bit and she waved at Nari, grinning when she waved both arms back.
"Am I," Chan panted, horribly self-aware that there was no world in which this amount of stress was necessary about it, "late- for storytime?"
The librarian's face brightened. "Oh, no, not at all! They've just started, you're welcome to head on in." She pointed across the room to a door propped open. "They're set up in there!"
Chan nodded his thanks, still a bit breathless. He wasn't quite sure what to expect. Nari's daycare had recommended attending storytime at the local library, a place that Chan hadn't visited since he was a child himself.
He crossed the library, glancing around the room, his mind awash in memories. They still had the same chairs he remembered curling up in as a child, devouring book after book. He passed the shelves and shelves of picture books and walked through the door that the librarian indicated, still a bit lost in memory.
The door led him down a short but bright hallway and into a large, sunny room. Books were arranged in a circle around the carpeted floor, each set with a colored scarf and a set of bells.
Next to them, sitting cross-legged and with his head propped up on one hand, was the most gorgeous man Chan had ever seen.
The sun lit up his lovely blond hair, falling in loose waves down his shoulders. He wore light wash jeans and a brown sweater, bringing out the warmth in his eyes. He looked up when Chan and Nari entered, an expression of excited delight spreading over his face.
Chan drew up short, his mouth falling open. He knew he was staring, but- fuck, he just couldn't help it. Were those freckles?
The man shot to his feet, smiling at Chan. "Good morning! Welcome in, take a seat anywhere you like!" He gestured at the spots in the circle.
Chan lowered himself to the floor, still a bit dazed, unable to take his eyes off the man. He unclipped Nari's carrier a bit robotically, watching the man arrange himself at the head of the circle, a large stuffed ginger cat now in his lap.
Nari kicked and gurgled when Chan lifted her from the carrier. He took a moment to slip the contraption off his shoulders before he arranged her in his lap, catching her easily as she flopped forward in pursuit of the shiny bells.
"I'm Felix!" the man said, bouncing a little on the carpet. Felix beamed at Chan and made the cat wave at him with one orange paw.
Endeared, Chan waved back, and then reached down to lift Nari's tiny arm to wave it at the cat. "Can you say hi, aegi-yah?"
"Ba!" Nari said, reaching her arm out towards the cat. She squirmed, and then giggled when Felix waved the cat's paw at her again. She flailed both arms back, and both Chan and Felix laughed.
Chan's heart almost stopped at the sound of Felix's laughter, loud and genuine. His head tipped back when he laughed, the long lines of his throat visible.
Chan swallowed and tried to remember where he was, with his dancing bean of a daughter on his lap. He leaned down and kissed her little head, taking a deep breath.
"Welcome to storytime!" Felix chirped. He petted the cat's head almost absently, watching Nari attempt to put her foot in her mouth. "It looks like it's just you here today, so we'll be a bit more casual, if that's okay?"
He tilted his head at Chan as he asked, reminding Chan of an inquisitive kitten.
Chan nodded in response, not quite sure what Felix meant.
Felix grinned at him. "Great!" He reached for a laminated piece of paper and squinted at it. "Usually we would smile and wave, but we don't have to do that since there's just you… What's her name?"
"Nari," Chan answered, trying to prevent his daughter from crawling out of his lap for the third time. She had her eyes fixed on Felix's lap, where the stuffed cat was sitting. "No, aegi, stay with daddy."
"Oh, she can if she wants," Felix said, smiling down at Nari's determined little face. "Here, let me get the real toys out."
He stood, leaving the cat on the floor. Nari squirmed and plopped out of Chan's lap, already crawling towards the cat.
Chan shifted, ready to grab her, but Nari stopped a foot or so away from the cat, staring at it. She put her fist in her mouth, considering the toy.
"Here we are!" Felix said, holding up a fistful of brightly colored toys that rattled loudly with each movement. He spread them out on the floor in front of Nari, grinning when she immediately wriggled towards them.
Chan sighed when Nari immediately put one of the toys in her mouth, sucking on it with a look of intense concentration on her face.
Felix laughed at her. "Does that taste good, Nari? What flavor is it?"
Nari gave him a gummy grin around the toy, spit dribbling down her front. Felix laughed harder, his whole face lighting up. "Ahh, you're too cute…"
Chan fumbled in his bag, wincing as globs of baby drool hit the carpet. He grabbed a wipe and swiped at the traces of spit on Nari's face.
Felix sat cross-legged on the carpet. He seemed to be content to watch Nari crawl across the floor towards another toy.
Shifting back and forth, Chan glanced at Felix, then at Nari. He didn't really want to be telling Felix how to do his job, but-
"Isn't this, uh-" Chan started, cringing at himself. "Storytime?"
Felix looked up, still beaming. Chan felt like his whole face was going to melt off.
"We can go ahead and read the book if you'd like," Felix said, reaching for the book he had in front of him. He flicked through the pages. "Normally I'd be a bit more structured, but since it's just you and Nari, we can do anything you want!"
Anything you want. Chan slumped forward, the words hitting an unexpected nerve. His eyes filled with hot tears as he watched his daughter squirm on the carpet, chewing at a bright red rattle.
"It's just-" Chan breathed out and bit his tongue. He swiped at his face, trying to keep himself together. "I work a lot. You know, long hours. I don't get to see Nari that much."
Felix hummed quietly, playing with the cat's paws as he listened.
"Her daycare reccommended that we come to the library," Chan confessed, tangling his fingers together. "I had to rearrange my schedule- my boss wasn't happy, but I just- I can't miss out on her life, y'know?"
He bit his lip, embarrassed to have confessed so much to a stranger. Felix nodded in understanding, still smiling gently at him.
Nari crawled back to Chan's lap, a yellow rattle clenched in her tiny fist. Chan blinked the tears away, smiling wetly at his daughter. "Is that for me, aegi?"
Nari gurgled and dropped the toy into Chan's outstretched hand. He clutched at the rattle, doing his best to avoid Felix's eye.
"It's so nice that you made the time to come see us," Felix said, glancing up. He smiled. "I don't see a lot of fathers bring their babies to storytime!"
Chan wiped at his face, oddly calmed by Felix's soft words. He swayed back and forth on the spot, fiddling with the cloth.
Nari crawled closer to Felix, pausing to stare up at him, an expression of curiosity crossing her tiny face.
Felix grinned and waved at her. "Ahh, she's so cute! Look at those cheeks, oh my goodness…"
"She looks a lot like her mother," Chan said, picking at a spot on the carpet. He ducked his head when he remembered his ex-wife, trying to keep his expression neutral.
It hadn't been easy, in the months after the divorce, and then the funeral. Nari had her mother's eyes exactly. Coming home after burying his ex-wife, only to stare into his daughter's eyes, seeing the tiny fleck of dark brown in her left iris, just like her mother's, sent him reeling.
"Maybe I'll get to decide for myself if her mother brings her in next time," Felix said, humming to himself as he scooped up the cat plush again. "But I think she looks like you. She's got such pretty curls!"
Chan's head jerked up. "Her mother- ah, she's. Um." He made some sort of vague, inventive motions with his hands, still clutching the cloth with one hand and the yellow toy with the other. "Dead."
Felix blanched. He stared at Chan, biting his lip. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"
Chan waved off his concern, trying for a calming smile. "We were divorced by the time she died." He trailed off, not sure how to say I divorced her but she was kind of terrible and I almost hated her when she died.
"Oh." Felix nodded and ducked his head, playing restlessly with the stuffed cat's paw. The tips of his ears were red. Chan stared at them, wondering why he wanted to bite them so badly.
Nari crawled back into his lap, clutching another green toy in her pudgy little fist. She held it out to her father, her tiny brows scrunched up in concentration.
"Thank you, aegi," Chan murmured, taking the toy. He held both of them in his outstretched hands, letting Nari play the game of I give you something and then you let me take it back. He watched, amused, as Nari selected the yellow toy again and immediately put it in her mouth.
Her other hand reached out to wrap idly around Chan's thumb. Chan leaned down to kiss her head, inhaling her soft baby scent. He nuzzled his cheek against her temple, blinking a few overwhelmed tears out of his eyes.
"It's just me and Nari," Chan said, quiet, bouncing Nari's hand up and down.
"You're doing great," Felix said. "You know, you're the first father I've seen at storytime in a very long time."
When Chan looked up, he found that Felix was already watching him. He smiled, staring at the way Felix's eyes sparkled when he laughed.
"I'm glad I was able to bring her," Chan replied. He stroked Nari's head, feeling the fine stands of hair under his fingers. Nari wriggled in his lap, mouthing at the toy. He sneaked another look at Felix, watching the morning light playing in his hair. "It was wonderful to meet you, Felix."
Felix's cheeks flushed pink and he ducked his head. Chan watched him fidget with his sleeves, completely charmed by how flustered he was.
Chan couldn't tear his eyes from Felix as he stood and began to pick up the unused books and toys. He made to get up and help, but Felix waved him off. "Nari's still in your lap, don't worry about it."
Chan settled back down, watching his daughter chew on the toy and mentally preparing himself to take it from her. He reached for one of the rattles he kept clipped to his diaper bag.
"Here, aegi-yah, what's this?" Chan murmured, holding up the rattle and shaking it gently, just enough to get her attention. Predictably, Nari's eyes widened and she reached for the familiar toy, dropping the old, slobbery toy.
Chan caught it and immediately held it out to Felix, cringing at how dirty the toy was. Felix took it without blinking and dropped it onto the table away from the other toys, giving Chan a small smile. He pumped hand sanitizer into his palm on his way to the door, rubbing his hands together.
Standing up with a groan, Chan hauled Nari up with him and rested her against his chest. He fiddled with the straps of his diaper bag, already mentally running through his checklist for the day.
Felix held the door open for him, smiling at him. Chan stopped in his tracks, a thank you frozen on the tip of his tongue.
"Do you- do you do this every week?" Chan asked, horrified by how desperate he sounded. "S-same time?"
Felix's eyes softened. "Yes, every week, at the same time." He leaned down to wave at Nari, who gave him a gummy baby smile from around her rattle.
"Right," Chan said. His feet refused to move. He felt light, like he might acheive spontaneous liftoff and start bobbing around the ceiling. "Right, yes."
Felix glanced up at Chan, his bangs falling down over his round brown eyes. "Then, I'll see you again next week, Chan?"
"Yes," Chan replied, watching real, honest delight spread across Felix's face. "Yes, I'll be back. I'll bring Nari next time too."
The warm memory of Felix's laugh, his freckled cheeks scrunched up in joy, carried Chan all the way out of the library and down the crowded street, a sudden energy in his steps.