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Those dazzling lights against the frigid sky.
That upbeat, joyous sound that echoed through the concert hall.
That night, that girl on stage didn’t belong to her.
Hands in her pockets, the girl in the crowd walked home alone in the cold.
To Neo, Christmas was never anything special. That’s what she told everyone who asked, anyway. The nights where Weronika would put on her old Christmas movies were spent singing. Elsie would offer to buy her the world, and Neo would sarcastically ask if she could have the night alone in solitude. Sophia would make her some hot chocolate and…
…
…actually, the hot chocolate was nice. Neo was happy to have a warm mug on her desk for those cold nights spent alone.
Still, not much had changed since Neo started dating Kyoko. The lonely nights at Abyssmare’s apartment were replaced with offers to go on dates, sure. And their rivalry would flow into said dates when whatever competition of the week would get out of hand and inevitably devolve into “who’s the better kisser” (obviously, it was her, but she would have to prove it again and again until Kyoko finally learned her lesson).
“Not only could she not do Christmas, but she’s late,” Neo shook her head and pocketed her phone. “Does she plan on standing me up today too? Typical.”
Christmas was not for Neo. Christmas may very well never be for Neo. Even back when she was in America, studying her rivals, she knew that, for Kyoko, Christmas was for Peaky P-key. Neo was taught this fact from as far back as when Mitsuhashi Sho pointed at a picture of a seemingly insignificant bunch of cocky high schoolers and stated that, since Call of Artemis could not be found, they had become Abyssmare’s Number One target. For reasons none of them understood at the time, it seemed that the winners of the inaugural D4FES revival had been born on Christmas Day. Sho had mockingly called it a challenge from God himself. Neo didn’t believe in such nonsense.
But now, in what should have been a much happier time in her life, that “challenge from God” had reared its ugly head once again, this time in a much more pressing manner. Kyoko’s bond with Peaky P-key was much older than her friendship or rivalry with Neo, let alone their romantic relationship. Obviously they would come first, romantic holidays be damned.
“Sorry I’m late!” Snapping Neo out of her funk was the cheery voice of Kyoko Yamate, who had finally appeared out of the station entrance they agreed to meet at. “I overslept at Shinobu’s and–”
“Don’t worry about it,” Neo tried to mask her annoyance by shaking her head. “Let’s get moving.”
Yes, on top of everything else, Kyoko had an annual tradition with Shinobu to sleep over, eat pizza, and do who-knows-what-else. Maybe in the past the word jealousy wouldn’t have even been in the back of her mind. It’s how an inferior individual would feel, after all. However, the previous sleepless night, it was all Neo could think of.
But it would be okay.
Kyoko is here now.
“Sorry I couldn’t hang out after the show,” Kyoko slipped her hand over Neo’s. “I’m happy you were there, though. Really.”
“...I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”
The two girls walked down the sidewalk towards their first destination: a board game cafe. It was the one that the two went to on a relatively infrequent basis. Their selection of games was constantly rotating, so it was pretty easy to find a game that neither of them had played before. This allowed for Kyoko to have a fighting chance, which always gave way for a more interesting confrontation between the two (even if Neo still had a 100% win rate).
“Mmm? This game?” Neo nudged Kyoko who had picked up a box.
“Well, I saw you looking at it a lot at that one store we went to last week,” Kyoko smiled. “I was thinking we should give it a shot! That way you can see if you like it!”
Actually, Neo hated the game. When she looked it up after she went home that day, the American had found it was a needlessly overcomplicated wreck. It was typical modern schlock. A interesting theme (specifically, managing a singing talent agency) completely wasted by stacking one overly-intricate game mechanic on top of another and burying the player in a myriad of busy-work disguised as “strategy”. In reality, the game was little more than a mundane, dime-a-dozen deck builder where the winning strategy was obvious after a little analysis. It was the complete opposite of everything a chess-lover like Neo Nova valued in a board game. “Wide as an ocean, deep as a puddle”, so the saying went.
But despite her miserable impression of the God-awful game before her, there was something about Kyoko’s smile that made Neo want to give it a try anyway. After all, Kyoko did remember that Neo had looked at the game, no matter how brief it was. Even besides that, Kyoko always knew exactly what to say in order to make Neo try something new.
Kyoko Yamate was tricky. Kyoko Yamate was a snake. Neo could win in song, but in charisma? Kyoko Yamate was unmatched. Somehow that girl knew when to put on a fighting face or lay on the sweetness when the occasion called for it. And with her seemingly endless charm, Peaky’s sunny singer never failed to open doors Neo had shut for herself long ago.
And Neo was always sure to take Kyoko’s outstretched hand.
Except on Christmas.
“That was fun, wasn’t it Neo?” At some point, Kyoko and Neo left the board game cafe. Even while distracted, Neo got the win over her rival as always. However, due to her own turmoil, Kyoko ended up putting up far stiffer resistance than usual. Even if it didn’t seem like it to an outsider, their deck-building showdown was much closer than it really had any right being, something the American hoped that her girlfriend didn’t pick up on.
“It was…” Neo stole a glance at her girlfriend, “It was… a game, I guess.”
“Awww come on! You totally trashed me!” laughed Kyoko.
“Maybe if you put up a better fight, you’d actually win for once,” Neo responded to Kyoko’s banter with a flick on the forehead.
“Oooo fighting words!” Kyoko took her girlfriend by the hand, “You might be better at board games, but we both know karaoke’s where the real battle starts!”
“I’ll give you a karaoke battle you’ll be sure to regret,” Neo snorted.
Neo wasn’t special. Even when Kyoko tried to serenade her at karaoke that evening, Neo knew she wasn’t special. Even when Kyoko tried to, embarrassingly enough, feed Neo some of her cake, Neo knew she wasn’t special. The only thing special to Kyoko was Peaky P-key. That unit shared a precious bond that far outlasted their own, and would stretch on until the end of time itself. Those four would keep walking ahead while Neo was cursed to always settle for being one step behind, even if Kyoko was holding her hand the whole way.
“One last place before dinner, okay?” Kyoko, apparently unfettered by the fact that their showdown had ended in (yet another) draw, happily hummed along as she and Neo left the karaoke place.
“...Where could you possibly–”
“Ta-da!” Kyoko procured two tickets. “We’re going to the aquarium! Apparently some of the eggs hatched, so there’s going to be a few baby penguins running around!”
“Baby–” Neo shook her head. “V-very well! Let’s go.”
Even being surrounded by her favorite animal couldn’t erase the crippling feeling of loneliness that was beginning to tug at Neo’s chest. It was a familiar pain, one she had felt many times before. That feeling of trying to live up to expectations while never quite being able to meet them. That feeling of being inadequate and not being able to fix it, no matter how hard she worked. Was it so much to ask to be someone’s Number One?
Neo thought about some of her other bonds…
Was it so much to be someone’s Number One and not be put on a pedestal?
Much better.
“H-Hey, Neo?” Kyoko waved her hand in front of her girlfriend. “Hey there. You okay?”
“Huh–Ah,” Neo shook her head. “Sorry, Kyoko. I’ve just been… deep in thought.”
“Wow,” Kyoko gave a bit of a half hearted laugh. “You’ve been thinking a lot today, haven’t you?”
Does she know?
“I–Ah–Well–” Neo shot glances around the restaurant they now found themselves at. “Th…The food here is simply… impeccable. Yes. You can’t find food this good back in America.”
“Neo. This is a Denny’s.” Kyoko laughed.
“Ah.”
Behind that gentle laugh of Kyoko’s was a pained expression she was desperately trying to hide. Kyoko Yamate was no fool. Surely, that girl didn’t need an exchange of words to know what was going on. She’d read Neo like a book so many times before, so obviously she’d done it again now.
“I was asking,” Kyoko reached out like she had so many times before. “If you wanted to go do our first shrine visit together. You didn’t go last year, did you?”
“...I didn’t know it was a custom until it was too late…” Neo admitted.
“Do you have a kimono to wear?”
“I have to dress up too?”
“Well, it is tradition!” Kyoko gave a sheepish grin. “Maybe we can buy one together. We’ll buy matching ones, even! Mine’s a little beat up. Did I tell you about the time I got into a fight while wearing it?”
“A fight?!”
“Don’t worry about it,” Kyoko was obviously trying to make Neo feel special again. “But yeah, we’ll go on our first shrine visit, just you and me. I’ll talk to my parents about having you sleep over. That way we can go right when the sun rises! How does that sound?”
“Kyoko.”
“I want to spend lots of time together,” the desperation in Kyoko’s voice seemed to be escalating.
“Kyoko, I–” Neo couldn’t take the pity any more.
“I’ve already started making plans for Valentine’s and–”
“That’s enough.” Neo sighed. “It’s fine, Kyoko. It’s fine.”
“...I wanted to spend yesterday with you too, Neo,” Kyoko refused to make eye-contact. “It’s…”
“Peaky P-key is important, I understand.” Neo cleared her throat while swallowing her pain. “It’s just like me and Abyssmare.”
“Not just that!” Kyoko nearly leaped out of her seat. “This might be the last year we’re together!”
“...What?”
“Peaky… Everyone else has their own path in life. I always knew that, but…” Kyoko slumped in her chair, “the other day, Esora got accepted into a university overseas and her parents are basically insisting that she goes. Yuka’s thinking about leaving too. Her sister wants to put her up at some American university that’ll let her pursue photography and exercise science.”
“Kyoko…”
“I need to cling on to every moment I can get with them, Neo,” Kyoko’s eyes started to glisten as one of her hands balled into a fist. “But I hurt you in the process, didn’t I?”
“...No.”
Neo was being silly, of course.
After all, if it were Abyssmare who formed on Christmas, wouldn’t Neo treasure that day even more than her own birthday? If it were Abyssmare who was breaking up, Neo would be locking herself in her room, not going on a date. She certainly wouldn’t be trying to make Kyoko feel better when she herself would be in pain.
“No?”
“I already knew when we started dating,” Neo feigned her usual confidence with a shrug, “Christmas is for Peaky P-key. That’s obvious, is it not?”
“Well, I guess,” Kyoko’s visible guilt melted a bit.
“Then there is nothing to be concerned over,” Neo shook her head.
“If that’s not what you were worried about all day, then…” Kyoko’s voice trailed off.
Ah.
“Well,” Neo did her best to come up with the best lie she could. “I was… also thinking about University, actually.”
Kyoko’s expression darkened.
“But you…” Kyoko seemed to subconsciously slip her trembling hands into her pockets, “You said you were going to stay in Japan. I thought…” From what Neo could tell, it looked like her girlfriend wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball and cry.
“Ah, well,” Neo fumbled about.
Obviously, that was a poor conversation topic. Neo had no intention of returning to America as long as the Japanese government would renew her visa. But the reminder that their precious time together could be ended at a moment’s notice was not a welcome one.
“Neo, it’s okay… if you are…”
“No!” Neo pounded the table, drawing some unwanted attention. After the commotion subsided, Neo cleared her throat. “I, ah, am going to be staying here, Kyoko. I would hope that you realized that by now.”
“I imagine you miss your home, even if it’s just a little…” Kyoko muttered.
“My home is here, Kyoko,” Neo rested her head in her hand. “I keep telling you that.”
“Then…”
“I was, ah,” Neo decided to bring her own fears to the forefront. “It’s about Abyssmare, actually. There’s a university I was considering, but it’d be too far to commute from…”
Even though she’d graduated high school ages ago, Weronika still lived with the other girls, thanks in no small part to Abyssmare’s many connections (some of questionable nature, thanks to Elsie’s “associates”). The older girl’s dubious track record in the states barred her from most Japanese universities, but the (backup) singer kept busy by devoting her time to part-time work on top of her duties with Abyssmare. Apparently, she appreciated having the extra money to send home to her siblings.
Weronika’s situation aside, the Abyssmare girls were living in the same status quo they’d established upon first arriving in Japan over a year ago. Despite Neo’s consistent encouragement for her found family to branch out, Neo couldn’t help but harbor a deep-seated fear that if she were to leave, everything would fall apart. Even now, no matter how strong the four of them had grown, the memories of her unit-mates scrambling on stage after her failure were still fresh in her mind. It wasn’t that long ago that Sophia still insisted on calling every time Neo was away for over twelve hours, after all.
How would they live without her?
“Well, about that…” Kyoko refused eye-contact again.
“About what?”
“I… Didn’t give you your Christmas present, did I?” Kyoko mumbled.
“Yes you did?” Neo glared. “We exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve, remember?” Neo pointed at Kyoko’s scarf. “I got you that scarf. You’re wearing it right now!”
“Haha,” Kyoko’s nervous stuttering caught Neo off-guard. “That’s not what I meant–”
“And obviously I’m wearing the earrings you gave me,” Neo pointed at the jewelry dangling from her ears.
“No, no,” Kyoko shook her head. “I’ve been thinking about… a lot of things.”
“Oh? Like what, exactly? You aren’t going to propose are you?”
“In a Denny’s!?” Kyoko laughed. “C’mon Neo! We haven’t even been dating for a year!”
“Then pray tell, what is it that you forgot to give me?”
“This,” with a smirk, Kyoko retrieved an object from her coat and slid it over to Neo.
“...A… key?”
“Well, it’s not a real key, but” Kyoko’s cocky expression turned sheepish again, “I was… hoping we could live together for university?”
“Kyoko…”
“It’s a big decision, I know.”
“I…”
“Even if you say ‘no,’ I’ll still love you. I promise.”
Neo pondered the key that was now in her hand. Yes, the previous day, Kyoko had chosen Peaky P-key over her. And yet, by giving Neo the key, Kyoko was asking her girlfriend to choose her over Abyssmare. Was that really a fair question to ask?
But, at the same time, the key was a request to open the door to a future together. Kyoko was asking Neo if they could step ahead together into that future they couldn’t predict. And her fears… Were they not rooted in a lack of confidence in her unit-mates? If she held back her own desires based on what she thought they would want, wouldn’t that be a disservice to them?
Neo slipped the key into her pocket.
“I’ll consider it,” the American found herself dodging the question.
“I wasn’t expecting an answer today,” Kyoko replied. “Just think about it, okay?”
“I’ll give it some serious thought. I promise.”
“Thank you,” Finishing her hamburger steak, Kyoko gave Neo a smile.
There was a promise in that conversation. Christmas was for Peaky P-key. The 26th was for Neo. That would remain true until the day Peaky P-key split up and its members all went their own ways. But even though she was trailing behind for the time being, there would always be a hand that reached out. A hand that wanted to keep holding on no matter what. The fleeting, comfortable present was for Peaky P-key. But the endless, uncertain future was for them.