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Krystal entered the already bustling studio with her manager-oppa leading the way into the dressing rooms. He didn’t bother telling her what to do and how the photo shoot would go, since by this time she was a serious veteran in these kinds of things. She dumped her bag in a vacant seat, stripped down to her undershirt and shorts and put on a bathrobe to wait for the stylist. Luna-unnie and Vic-unnie were doing their solo photos, her manager texted her.
That meant Amber wasn’t around.
The thought alone made Krystal pout. She had no one to bully while they waited and that sucked. The stylist came in, greeted Krystal, and set about in fixing up her hair and pointing out the clothes she was to wear.
Luna and Victoria came in, chatting and laughing. Upon seeing Krystal, they both greeted her with radiant smiles and a quick hug so as not to ruin the stylist’s work.
“You’re looking good, Soojung-ah.” Victoria praised, pinching Krystal’s cheek playfully. “Oppa is asking about what snacks you want to have for after the photo shoot. Should I tell him your long list of demands?”
Krystal grinned and nodded. “Of course you should. Hey, have any of you seen Amber yet?”
Right on cue, the door burst open and in stepped Amber with the usual amount of joyful noise that often surrounded the girl. “Happy Valentine’s Day!” She beamed at her three members. “I come bearing gifts.”
To the two older members, she hands each a heart-shaped box. “I know we’re all supposed to be watching our figures or whatever,” Amber rolled her eyes playfully. “But we all deserve some chocolate now and then.”
“About time you got here, unnie. Soojung was starting to look for you.”
“Did the princess miss me?” Amber said, smug and with aegyo that made Krystal laugh out of sheer amusement. “I had to look for the flowers you like. Sorry to keep you waiting, Krys.”
From behind her, Amber procured a bouquet of flowers, in various types and colours and scents. She offered it to Krystal with an almost shy smile and a flourish, which made the younger girl’s heart swell with how adorable Amber was.
“Do you like them?” Amber asked, her teeth digging into her bottom lip, her shoes scuffling against the ground.
Krystal, still cradling the bouquet and tracing the petals with her fingertips, shook her head. “No.”
“Oh.”
“Stupid. Of course I love them.” Krystal met Amber’s gaze, shocked by the intensity in her eyes. She tousled the older girl’s hair, an affectionate smile adorning the younger’s face. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, princess.” Amber smiled. “Oh, and don’t forget this,” Amber hands her a heart-shaped box, same as the one she gave to Luna and Victoria. They were off to one side of the dressing room, reading the chocolate guide that tells them what kind of chocolate was which, and nibbling the gems of sweet chocolate. Amber rubbed Krystal’s back and excused herself to get ready for the photoshoot.
Krystal stroked the delicate flower petals from the bouquet and placed them on the counter in front of her. She couldn’t help but smile when she looked at the combination of colours and flowers that she loved, and the fact that Amber went out of her way to get them for her. Amber was way too nice for her own good.
However, looking around, Krystal noticed that she was the only one in the entire studio with flowers. It was difficult to miss seeing vibrant colours, so that meant that Amber bought flowers only for her, and no one seemed to be questioning it.
Her hair finally styled, she rose to her feet and stretched. She got dressed into the attire picked out for her and went into the main room of the studio where Amber was finishing her solo shots. The photographer greeted Krystal with a smile and asked her to pose with Amber.
The older girl grinned and it barely felt like work for Krystal. Goofing off with Amber was so easy, and while she was aware of the camera flashes and the fans blowing at their faces, smiling was so natural and time flew by so fast. When the photographer called for a solo Krystal photoshoot, Amber quietly slinked away. Disappointment gave way to professionalism, and Krystal mustered a picture-perfect smile as she completed her work.
During the time she spent posing and smiling into the camera, Krystal allowed her mind to wander. What did it mean when Amber bought flowers for her and only her? What did this special treatment mean?
Krystal finished posing and thanked the photographer. She returned to the dressing room. Noticing that Amber wasn’t around, she took the opportunity to ask her unnies about the questions that filled her mind.
“What does it mean when Amber-unnie buys me flowers For Valentine’s Day?” Krystal asked. It was an innocent question. She meant nothing by it; she was only curious. But a look passed from Luna to Victoria, and it made her suspicious.
“Isn’t it obvious, Soojung?” Luna said in her usual, kind tone.
Krystal’s eyes narrowed. “Unnie, if it was obvious I wouldn’t be asking.”
“It’s simple. Amber loves you.”
“Of course she does, we’ve been friends for years.”
Victoria laughed, soft and gentle, as she ran her hand through Krystal’s hair. “We shouldn’t be the ones you’re speaking to about this but I also know that Amber would just jump hurdles to avoid your question. Did you ever notice that Amber is nicer to you?”
“Amber is nice to everyone,” Krystal pointed out.
“She is,” Luna interjected. “But she’s nicer to you and only you.”
“No she’s not! She plays mildang with me like no other.”
“Soojung-ah, think about it.” Victoria said, calm as always. “For all of Amber’s pranks and teasing, when it comes down to it, she does all that she can for you. She goes out of her way to do things just to see you smile. Sure, Amber buys us chocolates because that’s just how she is as a person but she gets you flowers because she wants to give them to you.”
Krystal sat and thought about what her unnies told her. She got dressed in her regular clothes. Amber showed up once again.
“Oppa said that because we finished early, we get to have the rest of the day off!” She announced. “Do you wanna chill with me and JackJack at my place?”
“I’d love to,” Krystal responded without skipping a beat.
Over the next few days doing photoshoots and other promotional events with her members, Krystal noticed Amber’s actions towards her. Her attentiveness towards Krystal was so acute and sensitive that it didn’t occur to Krystal until recently that Amber could possibly love her.
As the van they were both riding in pulled up in front of the SM building, the crowds awaiting their arrival exploded in a bout of cheers. Krystal flinched. The crowd wasn’t that big, but they still blocked the path to the main entrance.
“I’ll go first, okay?” Amber squeezed Krystal’s shoulder. She nodded to the bodyguards and they opened the doors to the van. More screams. Krystal squinted behind her sunglasses, clasped her hand with Amber’s, and followed her into the building. A few brazen fans attempted to reach out to touch Krystal or Amber, but Amber pulled Krystal out of their reach.
Safe and sound in the SM building, Krystal sighed in relief. They continued walking down the hallway to head to the practice rooms. Krystal, hyperaware of the warmth of Amber’s hand holding onto hers, dared not pull away.
Luna and Victoria were already there, along with the backup dancers they need for their 4 Walls choreography. Upon catching sight of Krystal and Amber holding hands, Victoria raised her brow while Luna beamed, brighter than a full moon in a completely dark night sky.
Krystal squeaked at the looks in her unnies’ faces and dropped Amber’s hand. The older girl gave her a funny look before greeting the rest of their members and dancers.
Her face was on fire, she just knew it. So when Luna sidled up beside her with that pleased grin on her face, it only made Krystal’s face heat up all the more. She was incapable of being the ice princess in front of her members, so they could all see right through her.
“Have you talked to Amber-unnie?”
“Talked to her about what? Unnie, you’re leaning on me too much.” Krystal nudged Luna off of her when she rested her chin on Krystal’s shoulder.
“About feelings, Soojung-ah! Feelings!!”
“Feelings? What?” Amber approached them, wearing a black pair of drop crotch pants and a Pikachu tanktop that showed off her toned arms.
“None of your business!” Krystal shrieked and ran off to change into her practice clothes, leaving a smiling Luna and a perpetually-confused Amber behind her.
***
“Amberrrr, I’m so tired, I don’t think I can go on.” Krystal whined after their long, gruelling practice. She collapsed on the couch on top of Amber, causing her to grunt from the weight of Krystal suddenly on her.
“You can keep going,” Amber said without hesitation after she recovered from being attacked by the maknae. “You’ve practiced harder than this, Jung Soojung. I believe in you. Just don’t practice so hard that you exhaust yourself and end up fainting during the concert, okay?” She smoothed back Krystal’s hair from her face and poked her cheek.
Krystal closed her eyes and allowed the sensation of Amber playing with her hair to lull her into a state of calm that nearly made her forget of how tired she was. It all made sense now, though it probably would’ve made sense had Krystal thought about it sooner. Amber’s concern for her well-being, while friendly, ran deeper, and Krystal saw it, so evident in Amber’s eyes while she pretended to doze off. A soft smile curled the corner of Amber’s lips while her fingertips stroked Krystal’s dark locks.
It all seemed definite: Amber loves her.
***
After Krystal packed her bags for her solo photoshoot in France, she went over to Amber’s apartment to hang out before she would have to leave. Leaving a sleeping JackJack on the ground, Krystal moved to sit on the couch to sit beside a half-asleep Amber. Her thick eyelashes kissed her pale cheeks, and Krystal watched them flutter with every breath she took.
Krystal thought about leaving Amber without waking her up, but it was as if the older girl read her mind. Her eyes opened and she reached out for Krystal. She met her touch and Krystal was startled at Amber’s warm hand.
“Sorry I fell asleep on you,” said Amber as she cleared her dry throat. She rose to sit and rubbed her eyes with a yawn.
“I was just about to leave but I didn’t want to wake you up.” Krystal roughed up Amber’s spiked hair. “You need to sleep more.”
The droopy, lazy smile on Amber’s face made Krystal’s heart seize with affection. “I know, but for some reason it’s tough when you’re not around.”
“Is it because I’m boring?” Krystal frowned.
Laughing, Amber shook her head. “No. You have a very hypnotic effect, princess. See, even JackJack is asleep.” She squeezed Krystal’s hand, the one that was still in Amber’s grasp. “I guess you just have a really calming effect on both of us.”
Krystal left soon after that, her face in a perpetual state of blush. For the entire duration of her flight, Krystal spent it looking outside, amidst the sea of clouds and thought of Amber. The smile on her face never faltering.
The flurry of activities Krystal had to attend to left her tired for the most of the week. It gave her enough time to do some shopping, though, which was all she wanted. She bought a scarf for Vic-unnie, a set of cosmetics for Luna-unnie, and a couple of shirts for Amber. She returned to her hotel room with her purchases and kicked off her shoes. She jumped into bed and with no hesitation whatsoever, called Amber.
“What are you doing?” Krystal asked, her phone on speaker and resting atop her chest.
“Thinking of you.” Amber murmured. Krystal squeaked and wondered for a split second if Amber could hear her heartbeat thundering inside her ribcage, so she moved her phone to rest on the pillow.
“Sorry, were you sleeping?” Krystal asked, glancing at the time on her phone that was still set in Korean Standard Time. “Crap, I didn’t realize it’s three in the morning there. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay, Soojungie, I couldn’t sleep. I’m glad you called.” Krystal heard the shuffling sounds of Amber making herself comfortable. “So, how was your day, princess?”
Krystal launched into an animated retelling of what she saw, the foods she tasted, and the sights around Paris that caught her attention while Amber listened. Krystal mentioned having bought presents, and it caught Amber’s interest.
“I bought you some shirts, and I think you’re going to look good in them,” Krystal said, matter-of-factly. “What about you, what did you do today?”
As Amber spoke, Krystal allowed her servant’s voice to lull her into a state of serenity that was familiar to her. It was a calm that made her forget of everything else but Amber, her voice, her stories, and her experiences. Krystal looked at the screen of her phone, a photo of Amber imposed upon it, since she was still on the line.
So maybe Krystal missed Amber more than anyone else in Korea. Maybe she thought about her in many moments of her day whenever she spaced out despite the business of her schedule. Krystal sat up in wakeful realization, the mess of her feelings suddenly falling into a neat and understandable pile that was only making sense now, when she was miles and miles away from Amber.
“When are you coming back?” Amber’s soft voice pierced through the veil of Krystal’s thoughts.
“Saturday,” Krystal said. “I want to go back sooner, but it would just be extra expenses, so maybe not.”
“Usually you never want to leave Paris,” Amber pointed out. “What’s up, Krys?”
“No reason. I just want to go home, that’s all.”
“Home is a state of mind,” Amber said, soft and quiet. “You can call me anytime you’re feeling homesick.”
“I know, Am.” Krystal whispered. “Thank you.”
The plane landed in Incheon, and Krystal had a relatively easy time at customs that she was out of the airport within the hour. Instead of heading straight home to rest, she instead told her manager to drive her to Amber’s house posthaste.
“Soojung? Did you come straight from the airport?” Amber opened the door to let the younger girl inside. JackJack greeted Krystal happily, and she crouched down to scratch the top of the dog’s head.
“I did,” Krystal said, turning to face Amber, handing her a paper bag from a boutique in Paris. “I bought presents.”
“That could’ve waited until you’ve rested, but thanks.”
While Amber tried on the shirts so Krystal could say she was right in thinking it would look good on her, Krystal thought of the words she needed to express what had occupied her mind for the entire duration of her trip. She took a deep breath, admired the older girl as she checked the fit of her new clothes in the mirror.
“Hey, Am?”
“Hmm?”
“I love you.”
She said the words deliberately, and with a weight that made Amber look at her. In her chest, Krystal’s heart was racing like a stampeding herd of rhinos. They stare into each other’s eyes for a minute. Amber nodded once. Then she lit up, beautiful eyes illuminated like a fireworks display. “I know.”
Krystal was stunned. “What? No you don’t!” She shrieked. “How could you possibly—”
“Relax,” Amber cackled, patting the top of Krystal’s thigh. “For a moment there I thought you were going to peck my eyes out or something.” She wiped the tears from her eyes that gathered there when she laughed at Krystal. “What brought this on?”
“I-I don’t know, I was just thinking about... Stuff.”
“Careful, ddooddungie, you might hurt yourself thinking hard like that.” Amber teased.
Krystal rolled her eyes in exasperation and smacked Amber’s arm. The older girl flinched, but her smile remained.
“I was kinda hoping you wouldn’t notice anything on my end,” Amber said, sitting down on the couch beside Krystal. “It’s not like I did things for you because I want you to fall in love with me or anything. I just did it because it felt right and seeing you smile is life’s small joys.” Amber rubbed the back of her neck and laughed, shaking her head. “When did you notice?”
“The flowers. During Valentine’s Day.”
“Ah.”
“Would this change anything between us?” Krystal asked. She understood that sometimes, confessions of love ruin friendships. But she knew that deep down, it shouldn’t. And because this was Amber, she didn’t fear losing her friendship. Nothing can possibly ruin her relationship with her, even if she didn’t return those feelings.
“No, I don’t think so. Unless you want it to.”
“I definitely don’t want anything to change.”
“That’s good,” Amber laughed. “We act couple-y enough as it is.”
The tender smile Krystal reserved for Amber adorned her face. When their eyes met, it was with a certain, newfound clarity. Sure, not all of life’s questions had been answered. But looking into Amber’s eyes, her hand winding up in hers, nothing else seemed relevant. Life’s questions can suck it.
“Oh, maybe there’s one thing that can change.” Krystal said, ducking her head and biting back a shy grin. “Close your eyes.”
Amber didn’t even hesitate. She did as her princess asked. Krystal tightened her grasp on Amber’s hand. Eyes never leaving the curve of her mouth.
“Soojung?” Amber asked with a raised brow. “I might fall asleep if you keep me like this—”
Grasping Amber’s shoulders, Krystal leaned in and kissed her waiting mouth. The warmth of Amber’s lips ignited something inside Krystal that softened her. Her arms curled around Amber’s neck as she opened her eyes, arms wounding around Krystal’s waist automatically.
“That’s a change I can get behind.” Amber smiled and kissed Krystal again. And again.
With their solo concert in Japan over and done with, the members of f(x) had been given a few weeks free of any official activities before they start preparing for their Japan tour. Krystal took that opportunity to sleep over at Amber’s apartment. With her. On the same bed.
Right now, Amber was stretched out on the couch with Krystal on top of her, the younger girl’s cheek resting on top of Amber’s chest. Her arms curled around Krystal’s waist, the television played an American movie that Krystal suggested that they watch.
“You’re not even watching the movie.” Amber whispered against the top of Krystal’s head. “You’re just looking at tumblr—wait did you just like a photo of me?”
“No it wasn’t.”
“Yes it was! Krys,” Amber snatched Krystal’s phone and scrolled back up. “You follow a blog that posts only photos of me! That is super good for my ego.”
Krystal rolled her eyes and took her phone back from her girlfriend. “Shut up. That was a good photo of you, that’s all.”
“Are you saying you like me for my aesthetic? That’s a word I learned from fans. They use it to describe a lot of what you like. So I guess it makes sense that you like me.”
Krystal didn’t say anything, only smiled and returned her attention to the television while Amber’s hands wandered along the slope of Krystal’s back and sides. She hadn’t realized how handsy she was until Krystal showed her the evidence. How Amber would always touch her shoulder or rub her back. No wonder the fans believed them to be obvious. But it didn’t really matter because princess doesn’t mind.
“You’re gonna make me fall asleep if you keep doing that.” Krystal hummed, her chin resting against Amber.
“It won’t be the first time that happened.”
“But I don’t want to sleep.” Krystal sat up so that she was now straddling Amber’s thighs. The position was certainly new to them both. Amber’s throat flexed.
“Soojung, wait—”
“What’s wrong, Am? Are you nervous?” The smirk on Krystal’s face was both terrifying and seductive and Amber was a mess of hormones, unsure of what to feel.
“I’m not really sure what I am right now,” Amber admitted, her hand on top of Krystal’s thighs to prevent her from moving. Either away or closer, Amber didn’t quite know. But the one thing she was sure of, beyond gravity, beyond the laws of nature, was that she was in love with Krystal Jung.
She was never a woman of words. At most, she can show sentiment through song, but for the most part, Amber was all about doing.
She sat up, arms curled around Krystal’s waist. For as second, she relished the look of surprise in the eyes of the younger girl.
Amber had never been a woman of words, but she was all about the doing.