Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Remember when I came to see you after the thing with Donovan?” Theo lay on his side, Stiles facing him, their arms wrapped loosely around each other.

“Only you would call that a ‘thing’.” Stiles rolled his eyes fondly. “Of course, I remember.”

“I’d wanted to take your pain for a while, but I wasn’t sure I’d be able to.”

“You have to care.”

Theo nodded. “You were the first person I’d cared about since the Dread Doctors.”

He’d done it for a few people since then, and that was quietly satisfying, but nothing could touch the feeling of relief he got watching Stiles’ pain ease, the swell of pride at knowing that he was the one to take it. The edges of his love had softened from a blinding spotlight to a warm incandescence, but the light remained on Stiles. While it felt good to be able to help others, there was nothing like the intimacy of feeling Stiles’ pain run through his veins as he pressed his lips to his skin.

***

The first time he tried someone else’s pain, it didn’t work. Down in those tunnels, with Mason. The anukita had attacked Mason, and Theo needed him to think, but the pain was too much, so he’d grabbed his arm. And nothing happened.

“I…I can’t,” he muttered, frustrated and confused. Under that: shame.

“You can’t take pain if you don’t care,” Mason told him, and though he knew it to be true, it still cut too deep.

He’d confessed to Stiles that night, tears glistening in his eyes. “I want to care, Stiles; I swear. I’m trying. I just don’t know how.” True, he didn’t like Mason, but he’d grown self-aware enough to know that it was because he vocalised all the things that Theo still thought about himself.

“It doesn’t matter who forgets. I won’t.”

“As much as I’m terrified of what’s down here, I am way more terrified of turning my back on you.”

“I know, baby. I know.” Stiles pulled Theo into his arms, fingers running gently through his hair.

Theo buried his face in Stiles’ neck, breathing in his scent for comfort. He smelled the hurt in it and had to remind himself that it was for Theo, not because of him. He still wasn’t used to people feeling pain for him. No one else but Lydia did. “How do you care so much?”

“Well, I was raised a little differently than you,” Stiles said with a soft, humorless laugh, and Theo echoed it.

“I guess the Dread Doctors weren’t as paternal as Sheriff Stilinski.”

“Not so much,” Stiles murmured, holding Theo tighter. He was quiet for a moment, just running his fingers soothingly through Theo’s hair before he gently pulled back to look at him. “There’s something really important you need to take from this, though. You want to care. Theo, you get that that’s huge progress, right?”

Theo ducked his head. He didn’t deserve credit for something so basic. Three fingers tucked under his chin, tipping it back up so Stiles could look him in the eye again. “A year ago, caring didn’t matter to you. You’re making progress, and I’m really proud of you.”

Theo searched Stiles’ eyes, scented the air, listened carefully to the sound of his heartbeat. No signs of deception. “Thank you,” he whispered, voice cracking slightly as his shoulders dropped. Stiles guided him back to his neck and Theo nuzzled the skin, arms wrapping tight around him.

The next time he tried, it worked. That made sense; it was Lydia. That cold day, when he’d brought Stiles back, she’d seen him with his guard down in a way no one had seen before, and she’d accepted him, embraced him even. Since then, she’d been there for him numerous times.

Like when Theo got home, and found Stiles trying to burn holes through his laptop with his eyes.

“You good, babe?”

“No! I have to write this paper, but I don’t even know how to start and the chapter I have to read before class tomorrow is 30 pages of the most boring shit I’ve ever seen and my papers with accessibility didn’t go through so I have to call my therapist and get her to write another letter so I can get accommodations for my ADHD and my dad wants us to go over for dinner tonight and I’m really fucking tired.”

Theo had knelt next to Stiles and gently taken his hand. “I can talk to your dad about rescheduling; you know he’d understand, and maybe I can read the chapter and take notes for you?”

Stiles groaned. “Oh my god, you always do this.”

Theo furrowed his brow. “Try to help?”

Stiles slammed his computer shut and got to his feet. “Just… Forget it. I’ll call my dad myself.” He stormed out of the room, leaving an utterly flabbergasted Theo on the floor.

***

“He just wants you to listen,” Lydia explained over the phone. “Not try to problem solve.”

“What the hell’s the point in that? If I can make it easier, shouldn’t I?”

Lydia’s laugh was light. Theo had learned that it wasn’t mocking. Well, it kind of was, but not in an ‘you’re an idiot’ kind of way. More in a ‘you sweet, simple boy’ kind of way.

“Stiles has a lot of feelings.”

“I’m aware,” Theo growled.

“I know you are. I’m not trying to teach you about your boyfriend. Calm down, puppy.” She was the only one Theo would stand for calling him that. It’d pissed him off at first, but she said it so affectionately, and when it was coupled with her intrinsically understanding the way his mind worked, it tended to get him to lower his hackles. “I’m just pointing it out because you’re still getting acquainted with feelings.”

She’d given him a god damn feelings wheel recently (so far, he’d identified inadequate, indignant, hostile, jealous, revolted, loving, and apathetic). So yeah, he and feelings were definitely still in the acquaintance stage.

“Okay, what’s your point?” he sighed.

“My point,” Lydia said slowly, “Is that sometimes, when someone has a lot of feelings, they just need to get them out before the people they love start trying to solve everything.”

“Why? If I were feeling ‘hostile’ toward someone, and Stiles suggested I break their nose, I’d tell him that’s a great idea and take his advice.” Lydia was quiet, and he huffed. “Don’t worry, I haven’t punched anyone in a really long time.”

“Two weeks is hardly what I would consider ‘a really long time’,” Lydia countered.

“Yeah, well, Stiles says it's progress.”

“What are you feeling right now?” Theo growled. “Humor me.”

He glared at the feelings wheel on the wall for a moment. “Inadequate, ridiculed, and annoyed.”

“Okay, why?”

“Because you’re giving me shit.”

“Keep going.”

Theo sighed. “I’m trying to get better, but it’s hard, and I feel like a shitty boyfriend because I don’t know how to take care of Stiles, and I wanna understand why he needs to talk first so I’m not just going through the motions. I’d like to actually get it.”

“Anything else?”

“I’m annoyed with myself for not getting it. And for getting annoyed with you because I know you’re just trying to help.”

“Anything else?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You just did.”

“How does it feel now that you’ve said all that? Did anything change?”

Theo paused for a moment, scanning his body the way Lydia had taught him to. His chest didn’t feel so tense. No more fight-or-flight (or more accurately, fight). Interesting. He hadn’t even punched anything or fucked Stiles (his go-tos for stress relief). He ran over the things he’d just said. “I think I feel a little calmer,” he sighed. “I also know that I take care of Stiles in a lot of other ways and that you only give me shit because you don’t want me to have assault charges.”

“That’s great, Theo.” The pride in her voice made him smile despite himself. “Do you see why venting first might be helpful?”

“Yeah, I think so. Thanks, Lydia.”

“Anytime, puppy. Go check on Stiles.”

When Theo found Stiles sitting at the table in the kitchen, they’d both said “I’m sorry” in unison, and the laughter that followed broke the tension.

The next time Stiles came home and threw himself on the couch with a groan, Theo asked, “Do you wanna vent, or problem solve?” He wore a hint of a smirk, proud of himself for remembering.

“Vent. Then dinner. Then problem solve.”

“I’m listening.”

***

Lydia didn’t just help him with Stiles. She advocated for him in the pack (which he wasn’t quite officially part of), she was there when the world was too much, and she also just genuinely seemed to enjoy spending time with Theo. She was his closest friend. Maybe his only friend. So, when she got a papercut and hissed, he didn’t hesitate to take her hand, and it was no surprise that he was able to absorb her pain.

“Theodore, you care about me,” she teased, but her smile was genuine.

Theo ducked his head to hide a shy smile. “Just because you’re the only one in the pack who tolerates me besides Stiles. Gotta have a friend.”

“All I heard was you calling me your friend.”

Theo rolled his eyes, looking away from Lydia, a heat in his cheeks that she mercifully didn’t mention.

“For what it’s worth, I care about you too.”

***

“Shoot them! Just shoot both of them!”

What the fuck? This woman draped herself in the name of protecting humans from monsters. She sat on her high horse, proclaiming that they were all dangerous and needed to be put down. She preached to the masses that this was about their safety while putting guns in the hands of children. And now she was ordering one of those children to be shot. Not because he’d done anything wrong; not because he’d hurt anybody. No, because he was in the way. Because he was fighting her battle, and her soldier couldn’t get a clear shot at the enemy.

Theo thought back to the standoff at the police station. Nolan cutting the power, Liam saying to throw him out, and Nolan’s desperate response.

“No, please don’t. She’ll know I screwed up.”

He thought of what Nolan said to Liam in the zoo.

“She wants me to kill you. She’ll kill me if I don’t.”

The dread doctors.

“Inconsequential.”

“We promised you nothing.”

As the shots rang out, he turned his head and closed his eyes. Theo had seen plenty of gruesome things. He’d done gruesome things. But watching the betrayal in a kid being shot by an adult who was supposed to be an ally, on the orders of the woman who put him in this position? That, he couldn’t watch.

Moments later, it was over. He pushed himself carefully to his feet, wincing at the pain caused by the lead in his shoulder. Watching Gabe drag himself across the floor was worse. Hearing those choked words, “it hurts,” was more than he could handle.

Theo slowly moved forward. He knelt next to Gabe, gently taking his arm and pushing his sleeve up. He lightly clasped Gabe’s arm and watched the black of pain travel from Gabe’s veins into Theo’s. It was heavy with dread and the sting of betrayal. Theo looked up into Gabe’s eyes, knew he would be gone in a matter of seconds, and was grateful to see the quietude in them.

“Does it hurt anymore?”

“No.”

“Good.”

When he died, Theo gently, reverently, laid his arm down.

His eyes shone with tears when he told Stiles that story, too.

“He was just a scared kid who’d been manipulated.”

“Sounds like someone I used to know,” Stiles said softly, and Theo let his head rest gently against his shoulder.

“I wish he’d had a Stiles.”

***

“I like that you cared about me,” Stiles said with a soft smile. “I like even more that you’ve learned to care about other people.”

Theo shrugged, like it was no big deal, but pride swelled in his chest.

“I’m serious. I see it. It’s not just Lydia and me anymore. The way you’ve taken Nolan and Liam under your wing? That’s really great.”

“I’m just drawn to broken kids,” Theo mumbled. “They remind me of someone who could’ve used some help.”

“You care about them,” Stiles corrected. “What happened when Nolan broke his wrist?”

The corner of Theo’s mouth quirked up into a half-smile. “I took his pain.”

“And if Liam got hurt, would you be able to take his?”

Theo took a moment to consider. “Yeah, I would.”

“Just when I thought you couldn’t get hotter, you start acting all paternal.” The scent of pride and the admiration in Stiles’ eyes let Theo know the sentiment was real.

“And just when I thought you couldn’t get any hotter, you start talking about how hot I am,” Theo teased, rolling onto his back and pulling Stiles partly on top of him. “Tell me more.”

Chapter Text

“The night you followed me into the woods? After that, I followed you.” Theo was lying on his back, arm around Stiles’ shoulders, the human’s head on his chest, when he confessed.

“You did?”

“Yep. I wanted to know what would happen next. Scott gave you a hard time, and it pissed me off. I thought he should be grateful.”

“That I stalked you?”

Theo laughed. “Of course. It’s part of what makes you special. I like that you’re skeptical. That hasn’t changed. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted you to do that for me. How grateful I would’ve been.”

“I would, you know.” Stiles kissed his chest lightly.

“I know. I’d do it for you, too. Probably wouldn’t kill them anymore; I know you wouldn’t like that.”

“That’s progress,” Stiles said with a little grin, leaning up to kiss Theo’s lips before resting his against his chest again.

“You wanna know what else I was thinking about that night?”

“Yeah.” Stiles’ answer was wary but certain, the way it always was when Theo told him about things from before they were properly together. When Theo still leaned more dark than morally gray.

“How I’d thank you for looking out for me.” Theo’s voice was an octave lower as he thought about that. “It got me hard.”

Stiles let out a breathy laugh. “What…How did you wanna thank me?”

“First, I would’ve praised you,” Theo murmured, his hand sliding slowly along Stiles’ back before rolling him over so that he could hover over him, looking him in the eyes as he spoke. “Do you wanna know what I would’ve said?”

Stile bit his lip and nodded, staring up at Theo with wide eyes.

“You’re such a good boy for me, Stiles,” Theo breathed as he cupped Stiles’ chin, thumb brushing lightly over his lower lip. “I can’t believe how lucky I am to have someone like you looking out for me. Do you like looking out for me, baby?”

Stiles nodded again, no hesitation, and Theo pressed a light kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“You’re too clever to take anyone at face value, aren’t you? I love that about you. Your mind is so beautiful. And that you use it to take care of me? That’s so sweet, honey.” Theo pressed his hips forward, letting Stiles feel his erection against his thigh, and smirked at the little whine. “Do you like that it turns me on, Mischief?”

“Yeah,” Stiles breathed, hand coming up to the back of Theo’s head. He tried to pull him closer, but with a touch of resistance from the chimera, he couldn’t.

“What do you want, sweetheart?”

“I want you to kiss me,” Stiles whispered, and a satisfied growl rumbled in Theo’s chest.

“Good boy,” he murmured before leaning in to kiss Stiles. The kiss was hungry and possessive, the way Theo had wanted to kiss him that night in the woods, and Stiles moaned so prettily, the way Theo had imagined he would. Though he had Stiles in all the ways that truly mattered now, there was something thrilling in living out the old fantasy.

He slid his hand slowly down Stiles’ body, fingers slipping under his shirt and digging into his skin. Fingers curled tightly in his own hair as Stiles sucked on his tongue, and he crawled on top of him, grinding down against Stiles.

His lips trailed down Stiles’ neck, fangs dropping to scrape lightly against his skin. “Whose good boy are you, Stiles?”

“Yours,” Stiles moaned, baring his throat to Theo as he rocked up against him.

“That’s right, baby,” Theo murmured against his skin, claws dragging along his side. “I think good boys deserve rewards, don’t you?”

Stiles whimpered softly, and Theo pulled back to look at him, cocking a brow. “Do you agree, Mischief? Do you deserve a reward?” A moment's hesitation before Stiles nodded. Theo slid his hand between their bodies, squeezing Stiles through his pants. “Do you wanna come down my throat?”

“Yes,” Stiles moaned, grinding up against Theo’s hand.

Theo smirked. He pushed Stiles’ shirt up, trailing kisses slowly down his body. When he got to his pants, he was quick to get rid of them, throwing them on the floor before he licked a stripe up Stiles’ length. He couldn’t help but tease for a moment, circling the head slowly with his tongue as he looked up at Stiles through his lashes.

Fingers curled in his hair, and Stiles whimpered softly. “Theo, please.”

Theo paused, smirking up at Stiles, before swallowing him down all at once. The fingers tightened in his hair, and Stiles immediately bucked his hips up. Theo gagged, but Stiles knew better than to stop; allowing Stiles to take control would have him relaxing into it soon enough. His boyfriend, the absolute embodiment of perfection that he was, the best thing to ever happen to Theo’s body, mind, and life, didn’t hesitate for an instant. He just fucked Theo’s mouth with a hunger that had Theo grinding his hips into the mattress, leaking into his jeans. Moans vibrated along Stiles’ length, and Theo’s scalp stung from the tugging of his hair. Fingers dug into Stiles’ hips, forging fresh bruises over those that had begun to fade.

“You look so pretty with my dick in your mouth, baby.” Theo moaned as the praise, staring up at Stiles, eyes wet from the constant, glorious battering to his gag reflex. “And you’re all mine, aren’t you?”

Theo could only moan, sliding his hands further up Stiles’ body. The human took one of his hands, slotting their fingers together, and the intimacy of it was everything. Yes, he loved living out that old fantasy, but Stiles never would have done this in the beginning. It was a promise that this was more than mindblowing sex, that this was forever, that they belonged to each other in every way.

Squeezing his hand tight, Theo ground into the mattress desperately. His eyes flashed gold, claws extending, and his moans reverberated through him as he came. Claws broke skin, and Theo instantly absorbed the pain they caused, the profound intimacy of it making his orgasm all that much stronger.

Within seconds, Stiles was pushing his head all the way down, ramming his hips forward. Theo swallowed hungrily as he came down his throat, sucking him through his orgasm, not stopping until Stiles gently pulled him off.

He rested his head against Stiles’ hip, panting softly, his eyes slipping closed. Fingers gently combed through his hair, the other hand still interlocked with his. “Love you so much,” he breathed.

“I love you too, Theo,” Stiles whispered, and it was worlds better than the fantasy.

Chapter Text

They were relaxing on the couch, Theo stretched out across the length, head resting in Stiles’ lap, when Stiles brought it up out of nowhere. Theo was playing Block Blast! on his phone, and last he knew, Stiles was reading an article.

“The night everything went down with Donovan, you were… really passionate. I’ve always wondered what that was about.”

Theo dropped his phone to his chest and cocked a brow, looking up at Stiles. The human was staring off into space, phone held in his hand, but long forgotten. He took a moment to identify his feelings, the way Lydia had taught him. Nervous. Why was Stiles thinking about this? What would he say when he heard the answer? Shame. For the ways he manipulated Stiles, for not seeing him completely.

“Okay, so I identified my emotions.” He made sure Lydia would hear the eyeroll in his voice. “Now what?”

“Accept them, and keep going.”

“You sure you wanna know? Some of it’s fucked up.”

Stiles’ eyes drifted down to meet Theo’s, and he gently brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. “Tell me.”

Theo allowed himself to be soothed by the touch, the calm in Stiles’ voice. His body slowly relaxed, and he anchored himself to the steady rhythm of Stiles’ heart, until they seemed to beat in synchronicity. He caught Stiles’ hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing his palm before lacing their fingers together, a physical anchor as he dove into the past.

He cleared his throat and decided to start at the beginning: when he watched Stiles kill Donovan. “I was already turned on from watching what happened. Honestly, I knew, even then, that you didn’t mean to kill him - you were just trying to buy yourself time - but that was quick thinking. It showed me that the brain I was obsessed with worked just as well in a crisis.”

“Good trait for a pack member,” Stiles commented, a touch of playfulness in his voice.

“Good trait for a person I wanted to keep around for a really long time.” Theo’s lips twitched up. “But yeah, that too,” he admitted.

Stiles laughed, squeezing his hand. “Keep going.”

“When you realized what had happened and grabbed the scaffolding, I knew you were thinking about pulling it out, but there was a part of me that expected you to twist it.” Theo’s voice got a little breathy as he thought about it, tongue wetting his lips. “Fuck, that made me hard.” He paused, scenting the air. A touch of unease. Not fear, though, he knew Theo would never hurt him, trusted that enough had changed. Stronger than the unease was the arousal. The darkness was far enough in Stiles’ past for the human to allow himself to be excited by it. “You sure want me to keep going?”

The answer was more a breath than a word. “Yes.”

“When I first got here, and I was outside, your scent was so potent, baby. All that fear, anxiety, and anger. I was fucking salivating.” The memory of it still made his body react, but he ignored that for now, because the explanation was problematic at best. “It was like my favorite cocktail, all wrapped up in you, and the possibilities were endless. But… The only reason I ever wanted you to feel pain was so I could fix it.” Theo winced at the confession, but Stiles brushed his fingers gently through his hair and cupped his cheek. With no words, he assured Theo that he didn’t need to explain how much things had changed, that he never wanted to see him hurt anymore. That he’d rather prevent the pain before it ever happened. “So I came in. And you fucking relaxed as soon as I crawled through that window. Not completely, but a lot.”

“You made me feel safe,” Stiles whispered, and Theo rolled onto his side to face Stiles, sliding an arm around his waist.

“At least I did one thing right.”

“Well… There were a few other things you did right that night.” A teasing lilt to Stiles’ voice made Theo smirk. He pressed his face against Stiles’ belly, kissing it playfully.

“Tell me more.”

Stiles laughed, half-heartedly pushing at Theo’s shoulder. “You finish your story first.”

“Fine.” Theo faked a sigh before continuing. “So, I invited myself in through your window, and you calmed down. Then, I smelled the blood from the bite…” The growl from the memory he didn’t have to fake. “I wanted to bring that fucker back just to kill him myself.”

“And nothing turns you on like the desire to kill,” Stiles said, a tease and a half truth.

“You turn me on way more than that,” Theo corrected. “Have since the beginning.”

“I didn’t mean more. It’s a different kind of arousal,” Stiles said, catching Theo off guard in that way that only he could. “Hurting people made you feel powerful in a way you didn’t get to experience before. You were the one in control, and you liked that; it was rewarding. Pair that with the physiological responses to anger and…” He gave Theo a half smile, fingers delicately tracing the edges of his face. “It makes sense.”

There was so much to unpack in that comment. How easily Stiles uncovered one of Theo’s darkest secrets, how intimately he understood the way his brain worked, how casually he said that it made sense. He’d never felt so completely and utterly exposed while also feeling completely safe, cherished even.

Theo’s voice was filled with awe when he answered. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“Almost killed yourself like an idiot.” Stiles rested his head on the arm of the couch as he gazed down at Theo, eyes full of love despite everything he’d been told.

“Right. That.”

“So, to recap, you were horny because you saw me kill someone, fantasized about me torturing them, smelled my fear and anger, and fantasized about committing murder yourself.”

Theo pressed his lips together. “That…is the gist.”

“Keep going.”

He rolled his eyes and continued. “Then I took your pain. When you said I didn’t have to do that, you had no idea how wrong you were. I’d been fantasizing about it since I saw Scott do it. I was so fucking bitter about that, babe. The way I saw it, you belonged to me, and that meant everything.”

Stiles squirmed, but it wasn’t discomfort. No, it was something different, that familiar scent making Theo smirk, fingers dipping under the back of Stiles’ shirt.

“Taking that, feeling what you felt, the fucking rush of it was unbelievable. I’d never felt so close to you, so needed. I thought the only thing that could be better was sinking my claws into your neck so I could get inside your head.” Theo bit his lip. “I was tempted, but I’d never done it, and I wasn’t gonna risk fucking up and hurting you.”

Stiles voice came out breathy. “Do you still think about it?”

Theo paused a moment before nodding. “Yeah,” he admitted. “There are still things I don’t know about you, and I wanna know everything. I wanna crawl inside you, baby. But… I wouldn’t do it. You have a right to your privacy. And I’d rather earn everything I learn about you.” He paused, scenting the air, brows knitting together.

Stiles smiled softly. “It’s admiration. I’m so proud of you, Theo.”

Heat flooded Theo’s cheeks, and he hid his face against Stiles’ stomach until the human tutted.

“Okay, moving right along. Next thing on the Stiles made Theo’s dick hard list: you didn’t lie to me.”

Stiles let out a startled laugh. “What?”

“When I asked what happened, you just said you didn’t wanna talk about it. You didn’t lie. It felt like…” Theo paused, searching for the right words. “Like I’d unlocked a new level of intimacy. I’d just taken your pain, and yeah, you didn’t tell me what happened, but you also didn’t lie. I’d never felt so connected to you. And, this was later, but when I heard you lie to Malia about what happened, it was even better. It made me feel like I was special to you, like you didn’t want to lie to me.”

“I didn’t. You were,” Stiles said quietly. “Not that I would have admitted it back then.”

Theo’s lips quirked up into a smile, and he pressed another kiss to Stiles’ belly. “Still want me after hearing all that?”

“Always.”

Chapter Text

They were lying in bed. Lights off, Theo curled against Stiles’ back, arm around his waist. After a long day of running errands and visiting with friends, the quiet closeness was what they needed. His lips pressed lightly against the nape of Stiles’ neck, just a small affection, because he could. He smiled at the feeling of Stiles’ fingers running along his arm.

The feeling of calm security was still novel to him. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe how lucky he was, that he got to hold Stiles at all, that they were both still there, that Stiles loved him back. There had been so much stacked against them: his being taken by the Dread Doctors, the ways that time changed him, his Drag Me to Hell moment… But they’d figured it out, together.

“You know that if we hadn’t heard the sirens the night I killed Josh, I would’ve tried to fuck you?”

He spoke into the silence, carefully monitoring Stiles’ reactions. His heart rate kicked up a little, but there was no fear or anger in his scent. Curiosity dominated. His fingers paused on Theo’s arm, but only for a moment before they continued lazily drawing lines across his skin.

A soft laugh. Only Stiles. It was one of the infinite reasons Theo loved him. “I didn’t know, but I’m not surprised.”

Nerves had begun to knot in his core, the way they did every time he brought up something like this. Stiles effortlessly unraveled them, bringing back the sense of quietude, the way he always did. His exhale ghosted against Stiles’ skin, causing a little shiver, and nosed at his neck before kissing it softly.

“I was already hard when you pushed me up against the fence,” Theo murmured, lips trailing down Stiles’ neck, earning him a soft sigh of pleasure. “That just turned me on more. The way you were taking control, how pissed you were… You smelled so good, baby.”

“I wanted you to kiss me,” Stiles admitted, fingers loosely around Theo’s arm. “If you had… If we weren’t interrupted… We would’ve fucked right up against the fence.”

Theo’s groan rumbled through his chest, vibrating against Stiles’ back. He lazily rocked his hips forward, the consequence of the words pressing firmly against Stiles’ ass. A soft moan and a spike of arousal in Stiles’ scent. Theo dipped his fingers under the front of his shirt.

“Fuck, Mischief,” he breathed against Stiles’ skin. “You would’ve let me fuck with his body still lying there? With his blood on my hands?”

“Yes,” Stiles breathed out in a shaky voice.

“You’re so fucking perfect.”

Stiles ground back against Theo as the chimera kissed and nipped along his neck, hand sliding further up his shirt, fingers tweaking his nipple. He relished the soft whine and sucked a mark onto his skin.

As Theo unbuttoned Stiles’ pants, his senses zeroed in on this moment. The sound of traffic in the distance faded away until there was nothing but their shaky breaths and the rapid pulse of their hearts.

Reluctant though he was to pull away, he did so long enough for them to get their pants off. Shirts joined the pile on the floor, and when Theo pressed against Stiles once more, he couldn’t hold back the soft moan at the feeling of all that skin. He lubed himself up quickly and pressed slowly into Stiles, his hole wet and ready from earlier. Both arms slid around Stiles, holding him tight as he bottomed out. He rolled his hips languidly, lips pressed to Stiles’ shoulder.

“It wasn’t just because I’d killed someone, you know,” he whispered against his skin. “Yeah, that turned me on. But… it was more than that. It was never like that before or after, because that was for you. It was protect you.”

Stiles moaned softly, gripping Theo’s arms. “So… protecting me turns you on?”

Theo let out a breathy laugh. He didn’t answer for a moment, instead pressing in deeper as he searched for the words. “Stiles,” he breathed. “You are…the most important thing in the fucking universe.” Lips and hands trailed Stiles’ skin reverently. The unhurried movement of his hips continued as he spoke in a low voice. “There is no item, concept, or living being that is more important to me than you are. Every single atom that makes up my Stiles, my Mischief, is fucking perfect, flaws and all. And back then, it was just you. You were all that mattered. I wanted power, but I needed you. And I fucking worshipped you.” He couldn’t help but smirk. “That hasn’t changed. I’ve always wanted to give you everything you could want or need. I wanted to take your pain, make you come, hold you together when you were falling apart, kill anyone who tried to hurt you. It felt like I’d been given the chance to perform the ultimate act of devotion.

Stiles said nothing, and Theo’s hips faltered. A shuddered breath from Stiles, and the scent of tears. He tucked his face into Stiles’ neck, sure he’d fucked up somehow. But no, there was nothing but the scent of arousal and - stronger than that - the sweet scent of love. Confused and unsure what else to do, he tightened his arms around the human, holding him as close as he could.

Fingers slipped into his hair, curling loosely, and that eased some of the tension in Theo. An eternity later, he spoke, voice a breathy laugh. “How the hell am I supposed to respond to that? ‘I love you’ sounds so lame.”

“No.” Theo’s voice was urgent. “Coming from you, it’s perfect.”

“I love you, Theo,” Stiles answered, pressing his hips back again, and Theo took the hint, started up his movements again. “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too, Stiles.”

Theo pressed kisses up Stiles’ neck and along his jaw until a slight turn of Stiles’ head allowed their lips to meet as they fell back into a steady rhythm, swallowing each other’s moans. His hand slipped down to curl around Stiles’ cock, stroking in time with his thrusts. When they came together, Theo knew that the fantasy of that night could never touch the reality of what he had now.

He gave one final, deep thrust before slowly pulling out, and Stiles rolled over to face him, a huge, dorky, breathtaking grin on his face. “I thought of something I could say.”

Theo laughed lightly, brushing his clean hand through Stiles’ sweaty hair. “Go ahead.”

“That was the night I realized I was falling in love with you. I saw past the mask; saw a boy who just wanted me to be safe, that it wasn’t just sex, and…” Stiles laughed, shaking his head. “I knew it wasn’t for me either. It didn’t cross my mind to kill someone for you, but… getting rid of a body for you did.”

Theo grinned. “And you did it.”

“I still would. Don’t get me wrong, I would scold you, but I’d also get rid of the body.”

“That’s my good boy,” Theo teased, and when he kissed Stiles, the human returned it eagerly.

Chapter Text

Theo lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, an outward depiction of calm thoughtfulness. Inside, he was anything but. His thoughts spiralled, a twister that threatened to break down months of carefully constructed work. Long days working with Lydia, his self-appointed therapist and best friend. Learning grace, patience, trust. Unlearning that he had to manipulate to get the things that he needed. His fucking redemption tour, apologizing to those he’d hurt. Even Scott, with whom he now played nice. Late-night talks with Stiles, baring his soul, confessing that he had been worse than his boyfriend had ever thought, and somehow still being met with acceptance. And now… Now, he had a fucking decision to make.

Because there was still one thing Stiles didn’t know about. He couldn’t imagine it was information Stiles would want to have. It certainly wasn’t information he wanted to share. The way he saw it, he had four choices. He could lay out the facts without defending himself, and risk losing Stiles. He could tell the truth but twist it to gain sympathy in his favor. He could keep the information to himself, pretend Stiles knew everything, and continue to live in domestic bliss. After all, everyone else who knew the most significant details was dead, so if Theo didn’t tell him, he’d never find out. Or he could just leave. Unburden Stiles of the slog that was caring for Theo Raeken.

But no, that last one wasn’t really an option when it came down to it. Because he was still selfish. He needed Stiles, and had never stopped needing him. Not when he’d given up trying to win him over for his own sanity, not when he tried desperately to replace the irreplaceable, not even when he was trapped in that hospital with Tara ripping his - her - heart from his chest endlessly. Through it all he had needed him, and now, here he was, live-in boyfriend of Stiles Stilinski. No manipulation, no lies. He’d earned his place. Having reached the pinnacle of all this hard work, he couldn’t walk away. Being with Stiles was on par with breathing air, with having blood flow through his veins. There was no way he could go on without him.

He closed his eyes, breathing slowly. Stiles’ scent filled every crevice of the room, but it wasn’t comforting. If anything, it added to his distress, because it reminded him of what was at stake, what he’d fought so hard to keep. He was doing everything he could. But there was still one thing he hadn’t told Stiles, and the thought made him fucking nauseous.

Oh, I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best
I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet

The tiniest of creaks in the floorboard. A new heartbeat entering the room. It beat too quickly, and yet it managed a bit of what the beautiful scent couldn’t. Because no matter what happened next, Stiles existed, and that was his favorite fact of all time. “Theo?”

He cracked an eye open to see Stiles walking into the room, a frown marring his beautiful features. He wore his usual fragrance of love and anxiety, mixed together in a way that told Theo the anxiety was for him.

“Hey, Mischief.” Theo gave a weak smile and scooted toward the inside of the bed to make room for Stiles, stretching an arm out to hold him.

Stiles crawled into the bed and kissed him softly, fingers brushing through his hair. “What’s wrong?”

“Who said anything’s wrong?” Theo asked, voice calm as he slid his arm around Stiles and pulled him in for another kiss.

Stiles allowed the kiss, but then pulled back to look Theo in the eye and rephrased his question. “Is something wrong?”

Theo sighed at the bluntness. No deflecting then. And no lying. He’d promised. “Yeah,” he said quietly, turning his head to look away from Stiles.

Stiles gently cupped Theo’s cheek, guiding his face back to him. “Did I do something?”

The question was gut-wrenching. “What? No,” Theo answered quickly, brows drawing together. He leaned up to kiss Stiles softly, his other arm sliding around him. “No, baby, you’re perfect.”

“Then what’s going on?” Stiles asked, and even if Theo couldn’t smell it on him, couldn’t hear his heart rate kicking up even more, he’d know that his anxiety was spiking by the look in his eyes.

“Fuck. I’m sorry,” he whispered, pressing his face against Stiles’ shoulder. He wasn’t supposed to be the cause of this anymore, only the remedy. No, he was supposed to prevent it from ever getting this bad.

I swear, I'm so fucking sorry.
I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all

“Okay.” He took a slow, deep breath and pulled back enough to look at Stiles. Not telling him was no longer an option. It was never really an option to begin with. “I still need to tell you about what happened with Tracy.”

Stiles’ narrowed his eyes in confusion, anxiety in his scent dampening. “I already know that you…” A heavy pause, a stutter in Stiles’ heartbeat. It must be difficult, loving a monster. “That you killed her.” The words earned a small flinch.

Theo shook his head, looking down. “But that’s not the worst of it.”

When Stiles tipped his chin up, he was a little blurry from the tears filling Theo’s eyes, but he could still see the way his eyes widened. Stiles’ voice was so gentle. “Baby…” He kissed Theo softly and wiped away a tear that managed to escape. “Okay, I want you to tell me, but first I have to tell you something: I love you. Like, a lot, okay? A lot, a lot.” Pride in his scent when Theo’s lips curved up into a little smile despite himself. “That’s my good boy,” he said with a wink, and Theo fucking knew his cheeks pinkened. “So we’re gonna do this the way we always do, and we’re gonna get through it like we always do. But you’re rolling over, because you need me to be the big spoon this time.”

Theo nodded hesitantly. Anxiety still coursed through him, but it moved a bit more slowly. Because here Stiles was, proving that he knew Theo better than he thought he did, once again. He stole one more kiss before turning to face the wall. He made sure his head was on the pillow correctly, allowing Stiles to slip his right arm in the space between the bed and his neck so it wouldn’t fall asleep. He pressed tight against Theo’s back, left arm slipping around his waist, holding him close. He was right. This was exactly what Theo needed.

“Tell me what you’re feeling,” Stiles whispered, pressing his nose against the back of Theo’s neck.

He let out a long breath and looked at the feelings wheel. Fearful. He clenched his jaw. He wasn’t comfortable with that category, but it was accurate. “Inadequate,” he said quietly. “Nervous.” Stiles didn’t speak, letting him continue. Disgust. More familiar, but he was more used to it being directed at others. “Nauseated. Detestable.” Sad. This one was the worst. Fear was more easily soothed with fangs and claws or gentle words. But fighting didn’t fix sad, and Stiles could erase his past. “Ashamed. Powerless.” He sighed heavily before admitting to the final feeling. “And… fragile.”

“Okay,” Stiles said softly, arms tightening slightly around him. “I feel worried, but also hopeful and valued.”

Theo scented the air. It was true. He brought Stiles’ hand to his lips and kissed it softly. “I love you too.”

“I know.” Theo felt the smile against his neck. “Whenever you’re ready, baby.”

He wasn’t really thinking about the impact it would have when he said it. He didn’t mean to claim her in a way that was different from the others. It was that scratched CD echoing his own words along with the words of others, a bleak soundtrack, reverberating in his skull.

I love you.

It was never real for me.

I love you.

You’re barely even human.

I love you.

It was never real for me.

I love you.

He had to drown it out. And the best way to do that was to give in to his anger. So fuck it, he didn’t need Scott’s pack. Not even Stiles. He’d make his own. A tiny voice screamed for him not to hurt Lydia, not make an irreversible mistake. But that was from the CD, so he shoved it deep down. He couldn’t afford to think. If he allowed himself to think, it would all come crumbling down. Because he knew. He knew he’d already lost Stiles. He knew he wasn’t an Alpha, wasn’t a real werewolf, was barely even-

He dug his claws into Lydia’s neck, letting her thoughts flood his brain. Pushed past those with Stiles, but still caught glimpses. It was the kiss that pushed him over the edge. It drowned out that quiet voice, allowing him to cover the guilt with anger as he dragged her out to the nemeton.

By the time he’d injected Tracy, all logical thought was long since abandoned. Her nature didn’t cross his mind when she asked who he was.

“I’m your Alpha. And all of you? All of you belong to me.”

Decision time. He would lay out the facts. He wouldn’t defend himself, wouldn’t add any twists to gain Stiles’ sympathy. It wasn’t as if he deserved it.

“When I brought all the chimeras back, I told them that I was their Alpha and they belonged to me,” Theo said after a moment. “Being part Kanima, Tracy really took that to heart. She was the only one I didn’t have to convince. She just accepted it, accepted me. It felt good, not having to lie or manipulate to get her trust and loyalty.”

He’d never had that before, not since he was a child. It wasn’t something he’d ever thought he could have. Gaining trust and acceptance through honesty had never occurred to him. It just don't come natural to me to think that you'd want me for mе

Stiles sucked in a breath, and Theo scented the air. Bitterness. Jealousy. Embarrassment. It was a chaotic whirl of emotions, piling on top of the ones Stiles had already expressed.

“Vibe check,” Theo asked cautiously.

“Not all of it is you,” Stiles said gently. “It… It is not the same, Theo, but what you said reminded me of when I wasn’t in control of myself.” Theo winced, but didn’t respond. Great, he was as good as a nogitsune. “You’re also smelling jealousy that you said someone else belonged to you and embarrassment for feeling jealous.”

“For what it’s worth, I always belonged to you. And earning your trust and love? That’s better than anything.”

“Looks like he remembers you.” Theo spoke in a low voice, stepping up behind Tracy, reaching around to casually pull the call button just out of the man’s reach.

Desire, devotion, and lust permeated her scent. A weak counterfeit of that sweet scent on-

No. He wasn’t going there. “I’ll take care of it, if you want me to.” His voice was a gentle caress. Outwardly, she didn’t react, but her heart rate kicked up. “All you have to do is ask.”

He would. He was her Alpha; it was his job. But he wanted her to do it. To prove where her allegiance lay, that she would do anything he wanted. And she knew that.

“My dad defended someone on death row once.” She turned his head to look at him, the desire spiking in her scent. “You know how lethal injection works?” As she turned back, a claw pierced the IV bag. He rewarded the action with his touch, fingers curling around her hip. She was good at presenting a facade of calm, but he heard the stutter in her breath, and it was empowering to feel wanted. “One of the drugs they use paralyzes your diaphragm.” Venom dripped from her claw, and his fingers tightened around her hip, eyes flicking to the driver. “Makes it impossible for you to breathe.”

A shaky breath fell from his lips as the scent of fear- no, terror- increased. He watched fingers curl in the sheets, reminiscent of Stiles’ when he came. His eyes moved back to Tracy as he pushed that thought away. She was so calm about what she was doing. This was what he needed. Someone who didn’t think twice, who he didn’t have to convince. His jeans tightened, and he considered pressing up against her, using her body to get off. He knew she’d let him. But no, now wasn’t the time. They needed to leave.

“But… I don’t know, maybe I did manipulate her. Because by the time we went to take care of the transport driver, I knew she wanted me, and I guess I used that.”

The jealousy in his scent that had begun to decrease spiked again, and Stiles tensed.

“Babe, I don’t mean… I offered to kill him, but I stood close and-”

“And you did that thing where you make your voice really sexy, and it’s so close that the words feel like a touch?” Theo looked at Stiles over his shoulder, and Stiles huffed a laugh. “Yeah, that move could get a person to do a lot of things.”

Theo rolled his eyes, turning his head back. “Well, unlike with you, I didn’t kiss her neck.”

“The voice can still do a lot,” Stiles said, pressing his own light kiss to Theo’s neck. There was still a hint of jealousy in his scent. Stiles should never feel jealous. He was Theo’s end-all be-all. It wasn’t right for him to have any doubts. If by some miracle, he decided he still wanted Theo when this was all over, he would spend every day making sure he knew that.

Theo squeezed his hand gently, hesitating, unsure whether he should share this part. On one hand, he wasn’t sure it was pertinent, since he didn’t do anything. On the other hand, he’d told himself he would lay out all the facts. And it wasn’t as if Tracy hadn’t noticed.

“I’m sorry about this part. I don’t really wanna tell you, but… it matters.” Theo closed his eyes. “It wasn’t about her. I don’t know if that’s better or worse. But… I got hard when she did it.” Stiles' heart missed a beat when he said that, and Theo wanted so desperately to take it all back, to rewind time, to never have reacted like that for someone else. He forced himself to press on. “I mean, we’ve established that I’m problematic and killing gets me hot. The closest to it actually being about her was how unflinching she was, but it was mostly watching him, and she smelled kind of like you do when you want me. Not nearly as good, but I thought about you and watching you come. And…” He took a slow, deep breath. “I didn't do anything, but I thought about it. Not fucking her, just rubbing off on her.” Nausea rolled off Stiles in waves, making Theo’s own stomach clench tightly. “I’m not trying to defend myself. I’m just telling you everything. She didn’t say anything, but she had to know, and that probably impacted her actions later. I know that was disgusting, I’m disgusting, I’m so sorry.”

Silence so loud it made Theo’s ears ring. He gave Stiles a minute to process, mentally berating himself. I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all. He carefully peeled the layers of Stiles’ scent. Somehow, there was still love under it all. “Vibe check,” he asked tentatively after a moment.

Stiles seemed to hesitate before speaking quietly. “Disappointed, inadequate, and sensitive.”

“Inadequate?” Theo tried to flip over, but Stiles held him tighter. He still could have done it easily, but let his boyfriend have the control. “How could you ever feel inadequate with me? You’re everything I want.”

“I could never be unflinching. I know you’ve changed, Theo. I know that, but I’d never be able to make you feel that way and… it sucks that someone else could.”

“Stiles…” Theo sighed, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand. “Baby, no. It’s not like that. That was what I’d convinced myself I needed because I needed to think I didn’t need you, or I wouldn’t have been functioning. It was a maladaptive coping mechanism.”

“Big therapy words,” Stiles mumbled, tucking his face into Theo’s neck, and the chimera couldn’t help but smile when he heard him breathe his scent in.

“It was an unhealthy way to keep going because I was falling apart without you.”

The stale scent of grief mixed with the sweet scent he loved so much. It inspired yet another complex swirl of emotions in Theo.

“I was falling apart without you, too.”

“I’m here now,” Theo said softly, hugging Stiles’ arm to his chest.

Stiles lightly nuzzled his neck. “Yeah, you are.”

“This looks bad, Theo.”

“I’ll be fine.”

He looked up at her as he recognized a familiar scent on her. Sharp anxiety and that sweet scent he’d yet to identify. It wasn’t quite right. But the closest he’d found since the bitter scent of betrayal had found Stiles.

But still you gave me your heart
I only gave you my body

The thought occurred to him that maybe she could help him forget, so he reached out to cup her cheek, his touch gentle, the way he would comfort Stiles. She looked up at him, met his eyes as his thumb gently caressed her cheek. And once she knew she had permission, there was no hesitation. No concern for his motives, no lack of trust. She just kissed him.

But you should know that I’m sorry
For being careless with you.

That was good, he thought. That should be good. So why did it feel wrong? He grabbed her hip and pulled her into his lap, fighting desperately to not think of the clever, skeptical, infuriating human he’d fallen so hard for. Fingers curled in his hair. Lips pressed to his neck.

“Are you mine, Theo?”

The memory snapped him out of it, and a pained groan escaped him. Whether it was the physical wound or the deeper, far more damaging, endless throb associated with Stiles, he didn’t let himself consider.

He knew before Tracy spoke that now she had to go. He’d tried to use her to forget, and because it didn’t work, her continued existence would only serve as a painful reminder that he couldn’t afford. Taking her power was just an excuse.

I've lived more lives than enough, I haven't died quite as much
But I'm not a real person, just the shit you can't make up

Killing Josh had brought on a nearly orgasmic rush, a high he’d wanted to chase. It was nothing like that when he dug his claws into Tracy's back. As she begged him to stop, her own claws piercing his skin, venom paralyzing him, he felt the power thrum through him. Still, he’d never felt more hollow.

Theo’s voice was faint when he spoke again. “I kissed her. Later, I mean. Like… a minute before I killed her. I thought she could drown you out, which was stupid. So fucking stupid. Then she kissed my neck and I… fucking hated her for it, Stiles. She did that, and your lips weren’t the last ones on my neck, and I couldn’t fucking stand it.” This was it. This was the moment he would find out just how much Stiles could take. If he could truly handle the naked truth of Theo’s disgusting nature. The vertex of my redemption arc.. “It was beyond fucked up; I know it was. I don’t feel anything about killing Josh, and I know that’s problematic in itself, but I wish I could take back what I did to her. And I wish I hadn’t let her touch me. I’m sorry.”

Stiles was quiet, too many emotions in his scent for Theo to pick through. He felt the heart in his chest beating hard. He genuinely had no idea what was coming, and being so unprepared was terrifying. Stiles had every right to be disgusted by Theo, to tell him to pack his things and get out.

“We weren’t together, Theo.”

“I know, but I was still yours. I shouldn’t have-” He shifted out of Stiles’ arms, not allowing the human to stop his movements this time. He didn’t deserve to be held. Sitting up, he buried his face in his hands. “I don’t deserve you. I’ve fucked up too much, Stiles. I shouldn’t have let them bring me back to Beacon Hills. They were right. I’m a failure. I’m ordinary evil. I’ll never be good enough for you.”

I'm down, pounding my head against the kitchen floor
Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours

Arms slid around Theo, pulling him in close, lips pressing to the top of his head. “You failed, but you’re not a failure,” Stiles said quietly. “I’m not gonna sugarcoat it for you, Theo. You’ve done fucked up things, but you’re not evil. You can’t change the past. You can only do better going forward, and you’re doing that.”

I swear, I will die trying
I'm still in the process, but I'm making progress
I promise, I honestly wanna prove improvement's possible

Theo dropped his hand, letting them curl around the arm secured against his chest. He swallowed thickly and looked at him. “You’re not leaving me?”

“Did you really think-” Stiles pressed his forehead against Theo’s, looking at him with fierce eyes. “Theo Kaie Raeken, I love you so much. I am under no false impression of who you used to be. And I know there’s still darkness in there. But I know there’s a lot more light. And I love every single part of you.”

Theo stared into Stiles’ eyes for a long moment before cradling his face in both hands as he kissed him, slow and deep. “I love you more than anything, Mieczyslaw Stilinski.”

Stiles smiled against his lips and brushed their noses together affectionately. “Vibe check?”

Theo laughed softly and looked at the wheel. “Hopeful. Sensitive. Loving. Valued.” He paused, eyes lingering over an emotion he’d never experienced. “Free.”