Chapter Text
Doyoung and Haeil had been happily married for three years. They’ve known each other since college but only started dating two years after graduation.
Doyoung popped the question 17 months into their relationship and Haeil said yes with teary eyes. They got married 4 months later in a private ceremony only attended by close friends and family.
Three years later and Haeil still felt like he was living a dream.
Doyoung wasn’t talkative, he didn’t say much, but his actions conveyed everything. He rarely said ‘I love you’, but every night before he went to sleep, Doyoung would kiss his forehead, both of Haeil's cheeks and lastly his lips. When he woke up in the morning, he did the samething again before whispering a sleepy good morning and started his day.
Doyoung wasn’t much for talking, but whenever they’re in public, he would always touch Haeil. He held Haeil’s hand, or placed his palm at the small of Haeil’s back. When they were sitting, he would rest his knee against Haeil’s. Their elbows often knocked together.
In the comfort of their luxurious penthouse, Doyoung became a cuddle monster. The only timeshe didn’t attach himself to Haeil like a limpet was when he needed to go to the bathroom orwhen he was working on his home office.
Haeil was okay with this kind of Doyoung, in turn; he said plenty of ‘I love you’ for the both of them.
Then the first anxiety came.
Haeil was hanging out with his friends, the usual cliques of rich wives (or in his case, husband)of Seoul. Haeil wasn’t overly fond of them, but being the spouse of one of Seoul’s successful businessmen came with some responsibilities and expectations. So they got together once a month to have tea and gossiped.
The get together went quite well, until the topic of Mrs. Park came up. She was absent from this month’s meeting and Mrs. Kim told them in a hushed whisper that Mrs. Park was ‘unwell’. She caught her husband cheating with his secretary. She was angry and confrontedher husband about it, only to be disappointed by her husband’s response. He mocked her and said that this wasn’t the first time he cheated nor would it be his last. He told her that sheshould just shut up, turned a blind eye and enjoyed his money. A divorce was also put on the table and he let her chose for herself.
How Mrs. Kim came to know about all the details wasn’t clear to Haeil, but at the word ‘secretary’, Haeil felt his gut twisted up.
Just three weeks ago, Doyoung had gotten a new secretary. His last one, Kwon Ohjae, resigned because he decided to move to the Canada with his beau. Doyoung had mentioned it in passing to Haeil and Haeil harrumphed a bit, he had liked Ohjae. In Haeil’s opinion, the younger man was dynamite.
Haeil had asked about Doyoung’ new secretary,and the CEO replied nonchalantly.
“She was adequate. But it is only been a few days. Let’ see if she can handle her work load as good as Ohjae.”
Haeil didn’t think much of it at the time. But now he had his doubts. Because lately, Doyoung had been coming home late.
Usually, Doyoung would be home before nine, no matter how busy he was, but for the past week, he always came home close to midnight. When Haeil asked him, Doyoung had an apologetic smile on his face.
“I'm sorry, love. But I have a big project on hand. We have an upcoming contract with a Usa based company and I want to make sure everything goes smoothly. Our company has a lot riding on this one.”
Haeil nodded his understanding and held on Doyoung tightly.
“Good luck on the project. I’m sure you’ll bag this one.” He said encouragingly. “Thank you.” Doyoung answered and held him tighter.
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Haeil wanted to believe in Doyoung but Mrs. Park story was slowly making him uncomfortable. He never had any reason to doubt Doyoung before, but a big project just as he got a new secretary? Coming home late ever since he got a female secretary? Haeil couldn’t swallow it.
So he tried to find another sign that Doyoung was hiding something from him. He tried to look for shifty behaviors and tiny marks on Doyoung’ body that wasn’t left by him. So far, he didn’t find any, Doyoung was still the same Doyoung, few in words, abundant in gestures. But it stillwasn’t enough to quell his growing anxiety.
One day, it came to him like a slap. He was going through the dirty hamper, looking for his grey suit jacket because he left some name card on the pocket.
And he came across Doyoung’ dress shirt. It had a little pinkish stain just below the collar, and when Haeil brought it closer toinspect it, he caught a whiff of unfamiliar perfume. A woman’s perfume.
Haeil threw the shirt like it burned him. He stared with wide eyes in shock and disbelief. His chest began hurting and he realized that he was gasping for breath.
‘This can’t be! No! NO! This can’t be!’ He internally panicked. But the evidence was there, and Haeil crumpled in on himself.
Haeil managed to compose himself and pretended that nothing happened. Later that night, he kept from flinching when he felt Doyoung slid in to bed and did his ritual kisses. Either Doyoung didn’t notice or he didn’t care that Haeil was silent and stayed stiff as a rock. Doyoung snuggledinto Haeil some more and in minutes he was asleep, leaving a bewildered Haeil awake.
The next day, Haeil still kept up appearances. He let Doyoung kissed and hugged him, although he didn’t reciprocate. Once Doyoung walked out the door, Haeil scrambled to the bathroom and heaved into the toilet bowl. The thought of Doyoung’ hands and lips on someone else’s body was too much to bear.
Haeil spent the day in a sort of trance, going through the motions automatically while his mind raced with the whys and hows.
When nine o’clock rolled around and Doyoung hadn’t come home, Haeil picked up the phone and called him, something that he never done before. But Doyoung’ didn’t answer and he was connected to the voice mail instead. With trembling fingers, Haeil dialed the office phone.
A woman, the secretary no doubt, greeted him. Haeil gripped harder on his phone as his mind registered her breathy voice.
“I need to speak with my husband.” He said to the receiver. “I’m sorry sir, but to whom am I speaking?” She asked.
Haeil gulped. “I’m Seo Haeil, and I’m calling for my husband.”
“I’m very sorry sir Mr. Haeil, but CEO Seo is having an important international conference call. He can’t be bothered at the moment.” Her tone was dismissive and not in the least bit apologetic.
Haeil clenched his teeth and rudely hang up. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He was still too raw. Doyoung never, ever, ignored his call. No matter how busy he was, he would always make time for Haeil. Even if he couldn’t get through Doyoung’ cell, Haeil only had to call the office phone and Ohjae would always connect his call.
This was the first time Doyoung rejected his call. And the thought that Doyoung stayed in his office so late in the night with his secretary made Haeil dizzy.
Haeil took a deep breath to calm his panicking self. His doubts and fears were festering and he had to do something soon. He didn’t think he could take another day of this suffocating anxiety.
The next morning just before Doyoung left for work, Haeil gathered his courage and asked him. “Will you be late again tonight?”
Doyoung smiled apologetically and caressed his cheek softly.
“Most likely.” He answered. “Do not wait up for me.” He said before stepping into theirprivate elevator.
Haeil only nodded.
That night, Haeil went to Doyoung office with a heavy heart. He didn’t want to cause a scene, but if he caught Doyoung in the act, then he could find closure, not to mention that he would be justified for any fight that might ensue.
He smiled to the night guard who recognized and bowed to him, as he made his way across the lobby and went to the CEO’s lift. He flashed his card on the reader and the door opened up for him. Walking inside the elevator, he felt like walking into his coffin. He pressed the button for Doyoung’ floor and wiped at the sweat gathered at his temple.
When the bell dinged and the door opened, Haeil needed a few second to compose himself before he came out. His sneakers made soft sound as he walked along the marble hallway into Doyoung’ office. Then he heard it, the click clack of high heels.
His courage took that moment to abandon him and Haeil found himself scurrying to hide behind the reception desk. He peeked from around the desk’s edge and immediately wished that he hadn’t.
The woman, secretary his mind supplied, he saw was beautiful. She had long honey brown hair which curled around her shoulder. She had smoky eyes makeup and her lips were painted red. But the one thing that killed Haeil was her perfectly manicured fingers, buttoning up her open blouse as she walked to the elevator.
Haeil caught a glimpse of her generous and when she passed him, he could see her full bottom and supple thighs. Her skirt had ridden up and she fixed it after she was done with her blouse. She was curvy and curvaceous. And Haeil would never have that.
Once she was inside the elevator, Haeil slowly crawled out of his hiding. His knees wobbled as he made his way to Doyoung’ office. The door was slightly open and through the gap, Haeil could see Doyoung. His husband was sitting back on his chair, eyes closed and lips slightly opened; tiny pants escaped the small mouth. His hair was mussed and his suit and tie was nowhere tobe seen. The top two button of his dress shirt was undone and Haeil felt his whole worldcrumble.
He didn’t make it in time to see for his own eyes, but the sight of the aftermath was just as heart breaking.
Haeil turned around, swallowing a choked sob down and ran to the elevator. Doyoung had cheated on him. Doyoung had cheated on him.
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Haeil thought he was brave enough to confront Doyoung, but three days had passed since that night and Haeil hadn’t mention anything. He wanted to, but for the life of him, he just couldn’t. His mind keep repeating the scene of her walking out of Doyoung’ office, barely dressed and his imagination supplied the rest.
Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Doyoung on his chair with that woman on top of him.
Before he decided to go to Doyoung’ office, he had practiced what he would say. He would demand Doyoung to stop and apologize. He would demand Doyoung to never make the same mistake again or he would leave. Divorce was an option Haeil was willing to take. He had puthis trust in Doyoung, and Doyoung took it for granted. He wouldn’t hesitate, because even if it was nice to live in the lap of luxury, he had no need for it. He needed Doyoung’ love and attention more than all the material he could get. He didn’t need Doyoung’ money; he needed Doyoung’ heart and soul.
Haeil had psyched himself up to talk to Doyoung about his affair. He gave himself a pep talk, rehearsing what he would say over and over again. Scripting scenarios in his mind of how their talk would go down. Preparing answers and questions, accusations and demands for explanations. He prepared rebuttals for every excuses Doyoung might had, hardening his heart so he wouldn’t cry or break down in the middle.
But then Doyoung came home and Haeil’s resolve would turn into dust. He would take one look at Doyoung’ brown eyes and whatever speech he had would die down in. It didn’t help that Doyoung acted like nothing happened. He still treated Haeil the way he used to, with care and adoration. Haeil should’ve called Doyoung out on his deception, but the part that still loved Doyoung won out every time. At the end of the day, Doyoung still came home and sleep in their bed with Haeil in his arms.
Haeil was disgusted with both Doyoung and himself. He was livid; he was hurt, sad and disappointed, more so toward himself, because no matter how hard he tried to act brave and tough, in the end he acted just as cowardly as Doyoung. Hiding behind a façade of false contentment just to try and prolonged an illusion of a happy marriage. Haeil shroud himself in ignorance and denial, wanting to leave but choosing to stay.
He purposefully acted cold toward the other man. But it only killed him when Doyoung didn’t even notice that Haeil barely looked at him, barely returned his touch and kisses. He was too busy and seldom home to realize the changes in Haeil.
Haeil wanted to end everything, but the glint of his wedding ring made him remembered allthose happy times he shared with Doyoung, back before that woman came and took Doyoung away, back when Haeil was still Doyoung’ one and only. One night, Haeil had had enough and he started to pack his bags, only to broke down in tears and unpacked again half an hour later. He went to sleep crying and Doyoung didn’t even notice the tear stain on his cheeks as he kissed him goodnight.
Two weeks of torturing himself, Haeil finally said something to Doyoung.
“Since you’ll be late tonight, canI go out for a drink with my friends? It’sbeen lonely here.”
Doyoung looked at him with a flash of guilt that churned Haeil’s stomach. The taller man came up to Haeil and enveloped him in a hug.
“I'm sorry, love."He whispered to Haeil’s dark hair.
‘Apparently not sorry enough to stop fucking her.’ Haeil thought to himself.
“Sure. You should have some fun with your friends. Just be careful and don't drink and drive. Grab a cab if you have to.” Doyoung said and continued with his routine kisses.
Haeil nodded and let him, the warmth he used to feel whenever Doyoung kissed him had been replaced with a cold slide of disgust along his spine. His disgust at Doyoung’ pretense twined with his disgust at his own pretense, creating a thorny rope of resentment, wrapped around his heart and made it hard to breathe.
When the sun set, Haeil clothed himself in ripped jeans, see through shirt and leather jacket. He laced up his Doc Marten boots, gelled his hair up and applied light make up, heavy kohl and clear lip gloss. He grabbed his wallet and took off his wedding ring before he left for a fun night.
Doyoung thought that Haeil was meeting up with his ‘respectable’ friends, but Haeil didn’t want tobe respectable that night. He wanted to be free and forget everything for a moment. He hadcall up his old friends from college. The ones Doyoung deemed rowdy and wild. They onesDoyoung didn’t approve. And in some twisted way, it felt good to go against Doyoung and went behind his back.
They met up in a club, one in shadier part of town with private backrooms and dispensers inthe bathroom. Haeil drank and danced and drank some more. His friends were surprised by his sudden naughtiness, but they encouraged him never the less.
The night got wilder and Haeil was pleasantly buzzed when a good looking guy sidled up to him on the dance floor and began to grind against him. Haeil stuttered for a moment and he drunkenly stepped away. Upon seeing the frown in Haeil’s face, the man held up his hands and backed off with an apologetic smile.
It stunned Haeil when he realized that a stranger was hitting on him. It had been years since the last time he got hit on. His friends who witnessed the entire scene broke out in laughter. One nudged him and another whispered in his ear.
“Live a little Haeil-ah. What happens here stays here. The husband doesn’t need to know and we’re sure as hell won’t tell on you.”
The words echoed in Haeil’s fuzzy brain.
‘What happens here stays here.The husband doesn’t need to know.’
Was this what that woman whispered to Doyoung’ ear just before she mounted him? Was this what Doyoung said to her just before he took her?
A sudden flash of anger burn through Haeil’s stomach and he smirked. ‘What happens here stays here. I might as well have my own fun.’
The next time a woman threw him an inviting looks, Haeil went to her without any hesitancy.
They ended up in one of the backrooms. She hitched up her skimpy dress and Haeil dropped his pants. Even through his addled brain, Haeil still remembered to put on a pussy.
As he pushed into her, a pang of guilt made his heart ache and he almost stop. Almost. Because the next second, an image of Doyoung with his secretary, doing the exact same thing as he was right now made Haeil lose all reason. Haeil gritted his teeth and drove hard into her,making her gasped.
Haeil didn’t waste any time and set an unforgiving pace from the start, letting out all his frustrations through his thrusts. She was mewling in pleasure, thoroughly enjoying the rough fucking. Her hands slipped under Haeil’s shirt and she scratched at his back. Haeil didn’t register the sting; he was too lost in moving in and out of her heat.
It felt good but wrong at the same time.This wasn’t the kind of pleasure he was used too. Still Haeil kept pounding into her, chasing after the release his body desperately needed. With a hoarse cry he finally spilled into the condom. The euphoria was short lived, there one second and gone in the next. Haeil pulled out of her and wordlessly got rid of the condom and the evidence of his own unfaithful act.
She smiled up at him and fished out another foil of condom. Spreading her legs further she coyly asked him.
“Up for another round, sweetypie~?”
Haeil ended up fucking her one more time before the alcohol got the best of him.
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Haeil woke up the next morning in a foreign room with a splitting headache. Mouth tasted like vomit and his stomach churned. He groaned and rolled over from the sofa he slept on. He noticed his friends from last night sprawled around the living room. Haeil picked his way among the sleeping bodies and staggered around searching for the bathroom.
He emptied his bladder and rinsed. As he looked at his reflectionon the mirror, the memories of last night slammed into him and he almost didn’t make it before he retched violently into the toilet bowl. He threw up everything until only bile left.
With shaking fingers he wiped and flushed the toilet. He rinsed again and splashed his facewith water. He cupped his hands and drank from the tap, ignoring the tangy taste of the water. He open ed the medicine cabinet and found a bottle of pain reliever. He downed two of the pills and cleaned using his index finger and a dollop of tooth paste. He felt slightly better and he returned to the living room to look for his things. He found his wallet and phone and without waking up any of his friends, he left the apartment.
Haeil zipped up his jacket, feeling like his see through shirt was indecent in the light of day. He could do nothing about his ripped jeans although he wished hard for a pair of sunglasses because the sunlight was making his headache worse.
Haeil spotted a diner and hastily made his way inside. He almost stepped back out because the diner turned out to be a quaint little café but the waiter was friendly and he smiled at Haeil in understanding before he led Haeil to a secluded booth all the way to the back, away from the window and the morning rush.
Haeil ordered coffee and the waiter suggested a bowl of chicken porridge to help with the hangover. Haeil thanked him sincerely and waited for his orders to arrive. He checked his phone and found several missed calls and messages from Doyoung. His gut twisted again, but he wasn’t ready to face anything related to Doyoung, so he put away his phone and slumped down on the table.
Then a voice he never thought he would ever hear again reached his ears. It was that woman’s voice.
Haeil trembled in his seat and before he could bolt up from his seat, the waiter returned with his orders. The waiter gave him a concerned look as he placed the cup of coffee and a bowl of porridge on the table. Haeil smiled and gestured that he was fine when in fact, he wasn’t. He hadn’t been fine ever since that night.
And the woman that he despised the most was having breakfast with her friend, only a booth away from him.
Haeil grabbed his spoon tightly and it took all of his will power not to hurl it at her. Then Haeil caught their conversation and it made him froze in shock.
“So, have you slept with your boss?” Her friend asked.
The woman scoffed. “He was a straight laced pain in the ass.”
“So you haven’t banged him yet?”
She sighed. “Not for lack of trying though. I mean, I literally undressed in front of him and he didn’t even bat an eyelash. He only told me to put my clothes back on and sent me home.”
Her friend snorted. “That never stopped you before.”
The woman sighed again. “I tried again but he showed me his wedding ring, saying, and I quote, that he has a husband waiting for him at home. He really needs a secretary because of this big contract he’s working on; otherwise he would’ve fire me and be done with my shit, unquote.”
Her friend laughed. “He turned you down after you flashed him your boobs? What a man.” She said mockingly.
“He has their wedding photo on his desk and I swear he looks at that photo more often than at me.”
Haeil didn’t stay to hear the rest of their conversation. He pulled out some bills and threw it on the table before he half ran out of the café.
He had heard enough and he felt hundreds of times worse than that night he went to Doyoung' office.
Haeil ran and ran until he was out of breath and had to stop. He found himself in an unfamiliar place. He looked around and spotted a small alleyway. He staggered there and made it a few feet before the reality of the situation dawned on him.
He fell to his knees and bile rose in the back of his throat. As Haeil once again puked his gutout, his mind screamed at him.
‘Doyoung didn’t cheat on me! Doyoung didn’t cheat on me! Doyoung didn’t cheat on me!’
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After what felt like forever, Haeil gathered himself up and walked out of the alleyway. He hailed a cab and with trembling voice he rattled off his address. The taxi ride was suffocating and it lasted much too short for Haeil’s liking. He paid his fare and quickly made his way to the private elevator, ignoring the doorman’s greetings.
The penthouse was empty and he found a note lying on the coffee table. It was written in Doyoung’ handwriting, stating that he went out to play golf with his business partners. Haeil left the note on the table and quickly went to their room.
He didn’t pause and went straight to the massive en suite bathroom. He stripped himself and turned the hot water dial as high as he could stand it. He stood under the hot spray and let the scalding water washed away the filth from last night. He scrubbed himself raw, until his skin reddened and he felt the sting on his back. He rubbed at his member until it hurt.
And he doubled over in pain as his heart broke all over again. Haeil ended up curling on the bathroom floor. His tears mixed with the hot water and the sound of the spraying waters drowned out his sobs.
Doyoung didn’t cheat on him. Doyoung never cheated on him. But last night, Haeil was the one who cheated on Doyoung.