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Nancy truly has no clue why the military let them go.
The kids apparently made a very convincing argument. Well, more like Derek and Holly did. So they were let go with a warning and Nancy’s sure she’ll have to sign another NDA soon enough. For the 5th year in a row. The last one, because the upside down was now well and truly destroyed. Forever. She would never have to do this again.
Hopper is the first to speak. “All of us should go home, get clean and get some rest. Most of you haven’t slept in days, and we’re all covered in… abyss stuff.”
“I can’t.” Nancy says before she knows it. “Go home, I mean. My parents’ blood is still on the kitchen floor. And I- I don’t think any of us should be alone right now. Maybe we should split up in 2 or 3 groups, and then do what you said”, she then elaborates, trying to sound less broken than she feels.
“I could host a group”, Steve offers. “My parents are still gone, so we have 2 empty bedrooms and Robin basically has a room at my house as well.” Robin nods.
“How bad is the damage at the Wheeler’s house?” Joyce asks.
“The bathroom next to Mom and Dad’s room is destroyed, and so is Mike’s room, I think.” Holly responds, voice still small. “Everything else should be fine, well, minus the blood…”
“I’ll get that cleaned up”, Joyce says. Then, to the rest of the group: “I’ll take the other half to the Wheeler residence, then.”
The arrangements are made rather quickly. Steve, Dustin, Robin, Nancy, Max, Lucas and Holly at the Harrington residence, and Joyce, Will, Mike, Jonathan and Hopper at the Wheeler home. The plan is simple: clean up, eat, rest, and everything else is for tomorrow. Processing everything is for tomorrow. Any further conversation is also for tomorrow.
~.~
Nancy’s never felt so out of place in Steve’s hallway before. Looking around, she supposes everyone else feels similar; they’re dressed like soldiers, or characters from a video game Mike would love, their eyes are all so heavy and everyone is so quiet. Nancy shoves down the nauseating feeling that thought brings up. Tomorrow. Everyone’s still relying on her, she can’t break yet. Taking a deep breath, she regains the ability to speak.
“Alright, Lucas, you take Max and Holly to the bathroom on the ground floor, Dustin and Steve will take Steve’s room and Robin and I will take her room. Remember what Hopper said, get clean, put on some clean clothes, and try to get some sleep. Don’t leave each other alone for more than a few moments, okay?”
Everyone nods, Robin even doing that silly two-finger salute as she takes the stairs, Nancy trailing behind her. Robin leads the way to the bedroom that’s apparently hers now. Nancy doesn’t question it. It isn’t much of a surprise, considering how close the pair has become over the last 2 years. They’ve become a sort of inseparable duo, platonic soulmates as Robin had once called it. Nancy had jokingly asked “With a capital P?” and Robin had nodded yes. And up until earlier this evening, Nancy had still questioned it. Despite both their insistence, and the fact that Steve had clearly changed a lot since their breakup all those years ago, Nancy still couldn’t quite buy that he could be friends with a girl without catching feelings at some point. Especially not when it was Robin.
Smart, funny, sweet, beautiful Robin, who made it into Nancy’s head sometime during last spring break, and never got out again. Robin who she spends more time with than her boyfriend, no, ex boyfriend now, these days. Robin with her hundreds of freckles and her raspy voice and her passion for the most niche things, who looks at Nancy like she’s the damn sun and makes Nancy feel like she isn’t some prize to be won. Who makes Nancy feel the most herself she’d felt in years, who Nancy trusts the most in the world. The closest Nancy has to a best friend since… Barb.
The feeling returns. She shoves it down. Tomorrow.
Robin’s frantically looking through drawers, presumably trying to find clothes for both herself and Nancy. She eventually creates 2 stacks of clothes, and gives Nancy one. “Bathroom?” She asks.
“Bathroom.” Nancy agrees, and Robin opens the door to reveal an ensuite.
“You first or me first?” Robin then asks.
“I’ll go.” Nancy answers, stepping onto the tiles, but she doesn’t close the door behind her. “Can you go in with me? The bathroom, I mean. I’ll close the shower curtain, I just… I really can’t be alone right now.” Robin just nods, still uncharacteristically silent, and follows Nancy, shutting the door behind them.
Nancy closes the shower curtain and finally rids herself of her goo-stained clothes. “I’m going to burn these”, she announces, right before she turns on the shower, throwing the clothes on the bathroom floor. “Me too”, Robin agrees, and she lets out a small chuckle. “You can use the shampoo and stuff in the shower, by the way, I don’t mind.” “Thanks.” Nancy answers, and the silence returns.
“So…” Nancy eventually says, because she hates this silence, hates Robin being so silent, and maybe also because she just wants to hear Robin’s voice. “How did you get that bruise on your face?”
“Demogorgon.” Robin’s voice is dry.
“What?”
“Demogorgon.”
“When?”
“Yesterday? I think? Might be the day before, actually, I have completely lost track of what day it was. Came right after me when we were trying to rescue the children, until Will took it out with his mind.”
“What happened? With the kids, I mean.”
This launches Robin into a monologue about how the last few days have gone, from stealing Will away from Joyce, to the kids, to the hospital. Nancy shudders at the thought of Robin, Lucas and Max being chased by demodogs, and the knot in her stomach returns. Tomorrow.
Robin’s next words catch her off guard.
“You know, if it weren’t for your mom, we never would have made it out of that hospital alive.”
“What?”
“Yeah, we were cornered in the laundry room, until some noise came from the dryers, so then the demodogs went to investigate that. Then the dryers exploded, and your mom emerged. She looked really, really badass, and she insisted on coming with us to fight, but we all convinced her not to, as her injuries were still too raw. She’s gonna be just fine, Nance.” It’s as if Robin read her mind. Nancy feels her eyes burning, tears of relief threatening to spill out. Tomorrow.
Nancy turns off the shower and tries to dry herself as quickly as possible. Washing the grime off herself made her realize just how exhausted she is, both physically and emotionally. If it weren’t for the nightmares she would undoubtedly have, she thinks she could sleep for days. As soon as she’s dressed, she opens the shower curtain again, finding Robin sitting on the floor, slumped against the wall, looking smaller than Nancy’s ever seen her. Her eyes burn again. Tomorrow.
“Your turn”, Nancy says, and with that, Robin gets in the shower.
“What happened in the upside down?” Nancy hears her ask, tone careful, like she’s trying to avoid stepping on something.
Nancy hesitates for a bit, then she starts talking. She tells Robin about the lab, the “shield generator”, the tension between Steve and Dustin, between her and Jonathan, the melting lab, her shooting at the exotic matter, and then, her and Jonathan’s conversation in the melting room.
“I don’t even know why I suddenly admitted so much stuff, maybe it was the fact that I thought we were seriously going to die in there. But it caused him to reveal stuff too. It’s not even that he didn’t get accepted into Emerson, but he never even applied in the first place.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I know.” A small smile broke out on Nancy’s face. “We were literally just avoiding each other last year. I could have gone with Mike to Lenora. But I didn’t. I didn’t want to. I just wanted space. You know what he said when I told him that?”
“Let me guess, he asked about Steve?”
“Bingo. But I don’t want to be with Steve. I don’t have feelings for him anymore. I… I honestly don’t think I ever did. I don’t know if I ever really had feelings for Jonathan either, honestly. All I could think of in there, was more things to dislike him for, that I shoved away, because we were supposed to be this perfect couple. Everyone kept telling us that, even before we got together. That dumb secretary lady, Murray-”
“I hate that guy, he’s a creep. Sorry, go on.”
“Right? It felt like everyone wanted us to be a couple, so I started to believe it. I tried to convince myself that that was what love was supposed to be, that I loved him, and for nearly a year and a half, it worked. You were the first one to ever question us. To not see us as this perfect couple. The first one to ever be interested in how I actually felt, instead of how it was supposed to be. I wanted space from him because I wanted to figure out what I wanted, because it surely wasn’t him. He was going to propose to me because he thought marriage would fix our problems. We were never going to work. I realized it in those woods, walking beside you, asking if we were friends, but he didn’t seem to realize it until he held that ring in front of me and asked me if I wouldn’t marry him. I threw that ring out, into the goop, only to realize it had solidified. We survived, but barely, and our relationship didn’t. And I was so relieved, and it made me feel like a monster, because aren’t relationships supposed to destroy you when they end?”
Robin’s silent for a moment. “Woah, Nance, that’s a lot. As for the heartbreak part… I once read that people will sometimes grieve a relationship before it’s actually over, and thus the actual breakup becomes a lot less heavy. But if you aren’t sure whether you had feelings for him in the first place… have you ever? Had feelings for anyone, I mean. Been in love?”
“I… I don’t know”, Nancy admits. “I don’t even know what being in love is supposed to be like.”
“It’s… kind of hard to explain. It can be torturous, if you fall for the wrong person. Being in love is like… someone you can never get out of your head, no matter how hard you try. Someone you want to be around all the time, who you never get tired of. Who invades your brain, slowly or all at once. Who makes your heart do weird things when they’re around, when they touch you it lingers, every interaction keeps replaying for ages after it happened, and it’s the best and the worst at once. Sorry, like I said, it’s hard to explain.”
Nancy thinks of sand-colored hair and freckles, of a raspy voice that rambles on and on, of terrible coordination and improvised speeches, of hesitated hugs and movie nights, of caring words and disproving looks, and it clicks.
She’s in love with Robin Buckley.
She’s in love with Robin Buckley.
“Nance? You alive?”
“Yeah, yeah, just… having a life-changing realization over here.”
“Cool, cool. So I take it you have someone in mind, then?”
Nancy swears she can hear a hint of pain in Robin’s voice.
“Yeah, I do.”
Robin turns off the shower and asks Nancy to hand her her clothes. Nancy does.
When Robin finally steps out of the shower, it’s as if Nancy’s seeing her for the first time again. Only instead of the silly sailor’s costume, she’s in an old band tshirt, similar to the one she’s given to Nancy, and pyjama pants. But the freckled face is the same, and her hair is too, and she’s looking at the same Robin, only in an entirely different light. When she sees Nancy, she drops the towel and wraps Nancy in her arms. It’s the tightest hug she’s ever given her, and oh, this is all Nancy’s ever wanted. She returns the hug, holding Robin tightly, and she doesn’t want to let go of her ever again.
When Robin speaks again, her voice is barely above a whisper, so quiet that Nancy can barely hear it.
“I thought we lost you.”
It sounds choked out of her like a sob, and Nancy just breaks.
There’s no Tomorrow-ing herself out of this. Every tear that hid behind her eyes, every emotion she’s shoved down for the last few days, last few years, maybe, spills out of her in loud, shaky sobs.
Barb.
Seeing the upside-down for the first time.
Trying to trap that demogorgon.
The horrors of the lab.
Will’s exorcism.
The Post.
The hospital monster.
Starcourt.
Fred.
Max.
The bats.
Vecna’s trance.
The vines.
Eddie.
Max again.
Holly.
Her parents.
The other kids.
The military personnel whose lives she took.
The Mindflayer almost getting to her.
Making it out, only to immediately get captured again.
El.
Nancy doesn’t know how long she cries before she finds the words to speak again.
“I’m still here”, she chokes out between sobs. “I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”
That’s when she realizes Robin is crying too. She’s quieter and less shaky, but still crying nonetheless, and she slightly pulls away from Nancy to look at her face, cupping her cheeks with both hands, wiping Nancy’s tears with her thumbs.
“Oh Nancy…” she says softly. “You must have been carrying so much, with everyone relying on you… It’s okay, you can let it out.”
Nancy just embraces Robin again, more tears and sobs escaping her.
“Oh shit, I’m getting your shirt all wet”, she says when she finally returns to herself, feeling like she’s cried out all the tears her body could hold.
“I don’t care.” Robin says as she fills the glass at the sink with water and presents it to Nancy. “You should drink this. Dehydration and all that. How are you feeling? Sorry, that’s a stupid question, you literally just sobbed your eyes out in my arms, and I’ve never seen you cry, not even when Vecna trapped you in that vision and terrified the living shit out of all of us and oh my god I really need to stop talking.”
“Don’t. Your voice is comforting. I know you’ve said your mother doesn’t agree, but I think it’s nice that you talk so much. As for how I feel… I feel like a human being again. Somewhat. Maybe more if I actually get some sleep.”
“Right. Sleep. We should totally do that.”
Robin quite literally crashes onto the bed, with Nancy opting to just sit down first, before they both get under the covers.
“You want the lights off or on?” Robin asks.
“Leave a nightlight.” Nancy answers.
“Okay.” And Robin’s out of bed again, turning the lights off, except the one nightlight beside Nancy. “There we go.” she says as she climbs back into bed, slightly less clumsy.
Nancy’s turned towards her, and she’s pretty sure she looks like a lovesick idiot, with the way she’s staring at Robin right now. But she doesn’t care, because Robin’s staring at her just the same, cheeks slightly pink, glimmer in her eyes.
“Robin?”
“Yeah?”
“The person that I was thinking of… that I’m in love with, I mean, they, uhm… they aren’t a boy.”
Robin’s eyes widen in shock, then there’s something else Nancy doesn’t dare to name, and then back to her original expression.
“That’s… nice. Real nice, even! I- the person that I’m in love with isn’t a boy either, which is why this is the first time you’re learning of it, I, sorry, that came out wrong, I just didn’t want you to think I was homophobic, or something. Because I’m not, that would make me a massive hypocrite.”
Ah. Well, Nancy can’t say she’s completely surprised, but it does make a lot of sense.
“So that’s why you and Steve are Platonic with a capital P.”
Robin nods. “I meant to tell you, like, a long time ago, but I could never find the words, and I was so scared of what you might think, because you’re my best friend besides Steve, and I was really worried you would find me disgusting or something, but then Will came out and you seemed cool with that, and now this, so…”
“Robs, it’s fine. I understand that you were scared. I just… couldn’t fathom the possibility of Steve being friends with a girl without falling in love with her.”
Robin laughs. “Actually, he did. Fall in love with me, I mean. That’s the only reason I even came out to him in the first place. Well, that and the Russian drugs.” Upon seeing Nancy’s confused facial expression, she adds: “He confessed to me in a bathroom while we were high on those. So I told him about the girl I used to have a crush on. Tammy Thompson. I know, I know, don’t laugh at me, Will and Steve already did.”
“So that explains why Will mentioned Tammy’s name, you must have talked to him then.”
“Yeah. The person he likes isn’t his Tammy though, I have no idea where he got that idea from.”
“It’s Mike, isn’t it? It’s not exactly subtle.”
Robin nods again. “It is. He didn’t tell me explicitly, but he didn’t have to. But that’s… for another time. And for them to figure out.”
“Right.”
Robin grins. “So… any chance I get to hear about this crush of yours?”
Nancy hesitates. Telling Robin means running the risk of ruining the friendship they have, but it also means it could start something new. After all, she’s pretty sure there’s a chance that Robin’s crush is her, so she reviews the facts.
- Robin gets nervous and rambly around her specifically.
- Robin looks at her like she’s the sun.
- Nancy’s basically the only girl Robin’s age she regularly hangs out with.
- The look in Robin’s eyes when she volunteered as bait and told them to run.
It’s not the most concrete evidence, but she’s gone on a hunch more than enough times not to care.
“I think there is”, she starts with a smile. “As long as I get to hear about yours, too.”
“Of course.”
“Okay, so, this girl is hilarious. Seriously, she makes me laugh more than anyone else. Really smart, too. I heard she cracked a Russian code once, and she figured out how to keep one of my friends from dying to a dark wizard’s curse. And she’s kind, and witty, and she has so many freckles, and she talks my ear off all the time but I don’t care because her voice is so comforting, she’s a surprisingly good singer, and she knows so many facts about so many niche things, she’s platonic soulmates with a dingus, she’s my best friend, and I care so much about her, and I know she cares about me, but I don’t know if that’s also in a platonic with a capital P way or if it is in the same way I care about her.”
For the first time since Nancy’s gotten to know Robin, she can’t read her face. Robin looks like she’s about to tear up again, but there’s that same look from earlier, too, the one Nancy couldn’t place and still can’t place now.
“Well, I suppose I should tell you about my crush too then, shouldn’t I?” Robin asks, voice slightly shaky.
“She’s the smartest girl I’ve ever met in my life. Before I got to know her, like, really got to know her, I used to think she was a priss, and then right after the first time I told someone that I thought that, I saw her with a gun. She’s a total badass, not just because of those guns, but also because she’s not afraid of standing up for what she thinks is right, and she’ll stop at nothing to get answers. She’s a brilliant writer, and I can’t understand why her ex would hate reading her articles because they’re amazing. She’s also gorgeous, and she lets me talk my ear off without feeling like a burden, and she cares about her loved ones so much she’s willing to lay down her life to save them, for their happiness, but she doesn’t realize that we’d be so much less happy if our lives didn’t have her in it anymore. That I’d be miserable if she wouldn’t survive. She carries so many burdens because she doesn’t want to break down in front of others, because she’s scared she’ll be seen as weak, but she’s the strongest woman I know.”
If Nancy had any tears left, she’d be crying.
Instead, she raises a hand to cup Robin’s face. “You know, your crush sounds very similar to me.”
Robin snorts. “I could say the same for yours.”
Nancy bursts into a fit of giggles, and Robin joins her. “We’re both such dorks.” Nancy forces out between laughs. “Since when did you…”
“I think since Starcourt, really. That was kind of like the snowball, but the library is when it truly became a crush. You were looking at me really intimidatingly and it was really hot.”
Now it’s Nancy’s turn to turn into a tomato.
“And what about you?” Robin asks.
“I think since Pennhurst. You just came up with that speech out of nowhere, and despite your complaints and many comments, you still wore that ridiculous outfit, and you followed my lead no matter what. It was the first time I thought we made a good team, and I don’t think you ever left my head after that. It didn’t click until the bathroom just now, and I think the gravity of knowing I like girls instead of guys will definitely catch up with me later, but I’m too busy trying to process the last few days’ events to care, or too tired, or both, and I really want to sleep but I also really want to kiss you.”
Robin shifts closer to Nancy, putting a hand on her hip. “Well, princess, that can be arranged.”
When their lips meet, it’s almost impossibly soft. Robin’s lips are soft, her hands are soft and her grip on Nancy is soft but firm, like she’s holding something precious but not fragile, and Nancy thinks it’s the best kiss she’s ever had in her life. Sure, she may be biased, it’s Robin after all, and it certainly isn’t perfect, but kissing someone has never felt so right. It’s like she’s finally found the missing piece of a puzzle after years of searching.
When they break apart for air, Robin looks slightly nervous. “Was that okay? Sorry, I’ve never done this before.”
“Robs, that was the best kiss I’ve ever had. I’m serious. And if it wasn’t… you’ve got all the time in the world to practice.”
A grin spreads wide across Robin’s face. “I’m definitely telling Steve that you think I’m a better kisser than him.”
“Oh, please do. It’ll drive him insane.”
Silence falls between them again, but this silence is comfortable.
“Nance?”
“Yeah?”
“What does this make us?”
“I mean, I’d like to be your girlfriend, if you want to be mine.”
“I’d love to.”
“Then this makes us girlfriends.”
“We really should sleep.”
“Yeah. Goodnight, Robin.”
“Goodnight, Nance.”
Nancy shifts closer to Robin, embracing her again. Robin returns it, allowing Nancy to bury her face in her chest, and Nancy feels the most at peace since this whole mess started.
Tomorrow, they’ll start to figure out what comes next, how to rebuild Hawkins, how to live with the knowledge that the world is no longer ending. Tomorrow, she’ll figure out how to tell everyone about her and Robin. Tomorrow, she’ll kiss Robin again, and it still won’t be perfect, but that’s alright. They’ve got all the time in the world to practice.