Chapter Text
When he was thirteen, Tony’s father caught him reassembling the pieces of a circuit board. Howard stared at the circuit board, his mouth pinched, and there was no doubt in Tony’s mind that he had seen the pieces reforming under Tony’s fingers. For a second, Tony thought he might have actually willed his stomach away from the sudden hollow and twisted knot there. He was a genius, wasn’t he? A genius who had learned his wit at Howard’s knee and defended himself often enough against it. If all those arguments had been rehearsals, here was opening night: if he’d ever needed his quick tongue, it was now, and it failed him. That stupid fucking genius brain of his went blank, and all he could do was stare at Howard and feel the cool metal and plastic under his fingers.
“Dad, this isn’t what it—”
“Tony,” his father interrupted him. “You’re a smart kid. We both know what this is.” Yeah, they did. Tony was a freak, and as utterly amazing as it had been five minutes ago, he knew very well what the world thought about people like him. Tony looked down, hunched in over the circuit board protectively because how could he have been so careless? But he’d gotten caught up in the design and in the magic under his hands.
“How long has this been going on?” Howard’s voice was harsh, and Tony risked a quick glance up. Oh, god, of all the stupid fucking miserable things to do. Stupidity compounding stupidity. If he never saw that mixture of worry and disappointment on his dad’s face, it would be too eons too soon. Anger, Tony could handle anger. Disappointment was a sucker punch.
Tony shrugged, miserably.
“Tony,” Howard said more sharply, and the anger was almost a relief. “We can solve this, but you have to give me all the variables.”
“Eight months,” he said quietly. “It’s—it’s not just circuits. I can touch things and they change.”
“I expect better than ‘I can change things’ from a scientist,” Howard said.
“I’m sorry, Dad.” He was so, so sorry. He’d meant for the imprecision, but now that he’d said the words, he couldn’t stop saying them. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please, just, I’m sorry.” To his horror, his vision blurred and stung, and he couldn’t keep his breathing slow. As if this couldn’t get any worse…
Howard came over and took the circuit board from his hands. He grabbed Tony by his shoulders, pulled him to his feet, and hugged him.
“Tony, I love you. We’ll fix this. I promise we’ll fix this.” Tony believed him, because he knew his father loved him. Even if Tony never could make him proud, even if he kept disappointing him, his dad still loved him. Howard would fix this; that’s what he did. Better than Tony, anyway.
Tony let his hands curl into Howard’s shirt, kept his face pressed to his chest. He could feel Howard’s hands steady on his spine and the back of his head. He could believe, just for a second, that those brilliant hands might even fix this. He got his breathing under control. Focus on the problem, his dad said. He could do that.
“It’s easier to do if I conserve mass, but I can make solids out of liquids or gasses if I try hard enough. I think I have to be touching what I’m changing, at least I haven’t been able to make it work if I’m not, and it’s easier if the molecules are similar.”
Howard nodded; Tony could feel the brush of his chin against his head. “We’ll figure it out, but you have to promise me something, Tony. This is very important. You’re going to take over the company someday, and you’re going to work with a lot of people who have secrets. You need to be good at keeping secrets.”
“You want me to keep this a secret.” Of course. Stupid to think otherwise. Stupid to think it would be okay.
“Tony, look at me.” He pushed Tony back just far enough that they could look at each other, his hands coming to rest on Tony’s shoulders again. “It is very important that you never tell anyone about this. I know it seems amazing. I know you think it’s a game. Something like this, Tony? People will lock you away. They’ll put you in a lab and they’ll try to figure out how you can do what you do. Or someone will steal you and force you to make them uranium or weapons or whatever terrible ideas they can imagine.”
“I wouldn’t, Dad. I swear.”
“I know. But I don’t want you hurt. You need to keep yourself safe. The only way two people can keep a secret—”
“Is if one of them is dead. I know, Dad.”
“Promise me, Tony.”
“I swear.”