Chapter Text
Blood. Blood all over the room, spilling onto the floor, down the walls, onto her own hands... Shouts and sobs could be heard in the distance. Her head throbbed and her throat burned. The sun peeked over the horizon; the cold morning wind melted into the first rays of dawn. A new day was beginning, and with it, something inside her was dying.
The monster that attacked them vanished with the dawn, taking her sister's life and him own innocence. The sobs she heard stopped when her throat felt sore and her eyes ached from crying so much. It was then that she understood those tears were her own.
He glanced to the side, his eyes still choked with tears, and saw the wardrobe, the one where his sister had hidden him, the one that had been his refuge, his protector, while the danger passed. Now it was stained with blood, his blood, his sister's blood.
He lay there beside the bleeding body of the only family he had left, his mind a jumble of chaos and his heart shattered. First his parents, and now his sister... Why did life take everything he loved? Why him? What was that thing that attacked them? Was it still out there? Were the villagers alright?
The people in his village never really got along with him. They were all very prejudiced and looked down on Tsutako when they saw her taking care of him alone. But that didn't matter anymore. She was dead, and he had to warn them of the danger.
An adult. Find an adult.
It was cold outside. His pale skin trembled, but he couldn't tell if it was from fear or the cold. He trudged toward the village. Everyone who saw him stared at him in bewilderment. No wonder; he was probably a wreck. He went to the local police station and tried to explain what had happened. At first, he was unintelligible; he was still in shock, his mind racing. The man in front of him looked at him with a mixture of astonishment and disgust, as if he were dirt on his shoe and not a bloodied, utterly terrified child. Frustrated at not being able to speak clearly, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
—Someone's dead!— At that shout, everyone around them gasped in shock, and the officer's expression darkened.
—Where?— asked sharply the policeman. Giyuu gestured weakly for him to follow and led him toward his house, the crowd trailing behind them.
Now everyone was seeing what he saw: his sister's lifeless body, the blood, the broken furniture—everything. And the air quickly filled with whispers that echoed in his ears.
"How awful. She was such a young girl."
"What a shame. She wasn't the one who was going to get married?"
"Yes, she was going to marry a boy from the city."
"She was a young woman with a bright future."
"Marriage?" Oh, yes, her sister's engagement... I'd forgotten about that.
"That's so sad, she was such a good person."
"Why did it have to be her?"
"I bet the kid has something to do with it, he's always been trouble!"
Yes, why his sister... why her and not him?
"What's wrong with that kid? Is he right in the head? He seems crazy."
"Is he in trouble? Is he okay?"
—BOY, SNAP OUT OF IT!!!— the officer yelled, his voice piercing the whispers like lightning. —I need you to tell me what the hell happened,— he demanded, grabbing the boy's shoulders tightly, perhaps too tightly.
He was still dazed, but with all his might he tried to explain.
—A-a monster came and th-attacked us... my sister hid me and...— he couldn't finish because the policeman's loud voice interrupted him.
—This isn't the time for joke, kid!— the man said desperately, shaking him helplessly.
—THIS IS NOT A JOKE!— he burst out in frustration, closing his eyes helplessly and screaming about how a creature had come into his house at night and attacked his sister. Salty tears streamed down his cheeks, and before he knew it, a woman was roughly grabbing his sleeve. The others just looked at him like a weirdo talking nonsense.
—You're confused, kid...— the policeman said wearily, rolling his eyes at the boy's tantrum.
—Wait.— he couldn't reach the man because the woman gripped him tighter, trying to drag him away, saying he was lying or that it was all in his head. She mentioned taking him to one of his relatives, but he didn't want to go with them. His sister needed him; he still had to warn them about the danger.
All his attempts were in vain; people surrounded him as if he were a wild animal, and realizing that these people weren't going to help him, he broke free from the woman's grip and began to flee into the forest without a fixed destination.
He just ran, far from that town, far from those people, far from those monsters...
Useless, they were all useless, for not helping him, for not helping his sister before all this happened. He himself was useless; he should have protected his sister. His sister, someone kinder, smarter, and more talented than him. Undoubtedly, the one who deserved to get out of there alive was his sister, not him. His life wasn't as important as his sister's...
He didn't know how long he had been running; he only knew that he could no longer feel his feet in his sandals. The sky was overcast, the layers of thick snow slowed his pace, and the icy air burned his lungs. Perhaps hours and minutes passed, but at some point, from the moment he lost sight of his village, the cold, hunger, and sleep overwhelmed him. As the adrenaline drained from his body, he collapsed onto the white snow, his eyelids feeling heavy. He felt he was going to die, which would mean all his sister's sacrifice had been in vain. It was sad, but to be honest, it would have been better if that had been the case. If he had died at that moment.
...
...
Years had passed, and he was no longer the same boy he once was. He had matured, in body and soul, grown stronger, and met people just as strong, or even stronger. But beyond his physical transformation, something deep inside him had grown. Hatred—hatred for others, hatred for himself, hatred for failing to save his sister. It was this same hatred that he unleashed upon the demons he now killed. He hated those creatures, what they did, and what they represented, to him and to many others. That's why he killed them, so that one day, with luck, the hatred that poisoned his soul would fade away.
Although he never truly understood when his companions said, "We will save humanity," as if the evil in this world came exclusively from those creatures. The only thing that would change if all the demons were exterminated was that the world would be a little, just a tiny bit, safer. But beyond that, people would still be selfish, cruel, and ruthless; nothing would change that fact. But don't misunderstand him, he will continue fighting the demons, not so much because tomorrow will be better if he does, but because someone has to.
Like a plague, someone has to eradicate them, but doing so doesn't guarantee that the crops won't die; however, it keeps them safe, at least for one more day. In that case, if someone has to kill, carry that hatred, and silently swallow all the evil in the world, just to have a slightly better path, let it be him. He, who stole his sister's life, he who took the place that belonged to Sabito, he who doesn't deserve to be here. But he's here now, and in any case, he can't let this opportunity go to waste. He can't be more selfish. So, to pay his debt to society, he'll give his soul to protect the world where the people he hates so much live. Not for them, but for the people, the few people, who were and are worthwhile.
It's a twisted way of thinking. So much blood and screaming may have driven him mad. In that case, the people of his village would be right... Morally speaking, he's not like his companions. He has no intention of protecting or saving anyone. Of course, if someone in front of him is in danger, he'll save them, but that doesn't make him a hero. He's not one at all. He's driven by his hatred, by his pain, not by his instinct for justice. His is a condemnation, a self-imposed punishment. For being weak, for being so selfish, for being the one who lived... Although sometimes he thinks that's also the case with his companions, at least some of them, that they too are driven by pain and hatred and not by pure benevolence.
In fact, he himself confirmed this a few months earlier, when he brought a demon girl, who supposedly didn't eat humans. His companions were reluctant to accept the idea and wanted to exterminate her along with her brother. Giyuu understood his companions' caution, along with their skepticism, but it didn't just seem like caution; it seemed like pure resentment toward those creatures, toward what they do, toward what they are, toward them in their essence. And while the Kamado siblings managed to win everyone's affection over time, their initial reaction told Giyuu that perhaps, just perhaps, he wasn't so insane for being the way he was, or perhaps he was. That others share your thoughts doesn't make them right.
That's bad. Dangerous, really. He doesn't think it's right for a Pillar, the hope of the company, to be so morally ambiguous. How far is he willing to go? Is he really a good person like Tanjiro said? Would his comrades understand?
He doesn't know how far he would go for his own goals; he prefers not to think about it too much. He's almost certain he isn't a good person; it's just the reflection of the boy's kindness that gives him that impression. And he believes his comrades would understand, they just wouldn't admit it. They would wash their hands of it behind their heroic facades and judge him for accepting that side of him.
Or who knows... the truth is, he was never close enough to his fellow Pillars to know what they would say about his strange and contradictory worldview. It's not that he doesn't like them or doesn't recognize them as his fellow Pillars. It's just that, not considering himself worthy of being called a Pillar, he feels he has no right to associate with them. Yes, a sad and dramatic way of looking at it, although, in his defense, he's always been dramatic, even from a very young age. If his worldview is truly so abnormal, the truth is he doesn't want to see how others react when they find out; it would be too painful for him to be seen as a freak again. He's not like them; Pillars are supposed to be strong, dedicated, leaders, optimistic, and firm in their decisions—the complete opposite of him. He's not a true Pillar.
Even if he wanted to get closer to them, most wouldn't, or rather, only two wouldn't. Apparently, it's because he's "an arrogant man who doesn't believe they're worthy of being by his side." If he's honest, this statement bothers him a little, but it's fine; let them think what they want. In any case, it helps him keep his distance. Well, almost always.
Shinobu Kocho met him at the Butterfly Mansion a few years ago. She was very different back then, but since her sister's departure, things have changed drastically for her. He understands and sympathizes with her, yet they aren't exactly close. He considers her a good person, but he's not interested in forming bonds with his colleagues; considering his profession, that would only increase the pain of his grief. However, the woman doesn't think the same way, and for the past few weeks, she's been asking him to come to her mansion every four days for a checkup to make sure he's alright. He doesn't know why she asked him specifically. It's true that of all of them, he's the one who goes to her least often, but that's because he's learned to treat his own wounds. He sees no point in going and just giving the doctor more work. But apparently, that's not right, and he has to go to a specialist to treat even the smallest wound. It's ridiculous, but arguing with that woman is impossible, so he just has to put up with it...
He was heading to the village near his estate before his weekly check-up. It was early spring, and the birds were singing early in the morning. He, for his part, felt somewhat tired. Last night he'd been on a mission and had barely slept, though, well, he was used to it by now. His nocturnal schedule was practically ingrained in him. Still, how tedious it was to get up and exist when all he wanted to do was lie in bed and sleep.
He walked along the village path, curiously looking at the shop windows. The country was expanding, and new exports were arriving at the establishments. This was very interesting to Giyuu; seeing the things brought from across the sea was always fascinating. He felt a deep curiosity to explore those lands. He bet there weren't any demons there, or maybe there were; he didn't really know. For now, he was content to observe the various things around him. The village was always well-stocked, partly due to Oyakata-sama's influence; you could find just about anything you needed. It's a really pleasant place, one of the few villages that are truly safe because of the number of demon hunters who come both day and night. Besides, the people who live there, or at least most of them, know about the existence of demons and avoid going out at night, always keeping wisteria incense burning near their homes. Giyuu honestly doesn't know why all the villages aren't aware of the existence of demons; if they were, they could prevent and avoid many deaths. But the rule against revealing the existence of demons was imposed by the Master, and he wasn't about to question it.
As he wandered, he noticed a clothing store. It had a large window displaying various elegant suits. Not that he needed one; he wore his hunter uniform most of the time anyway. But he imagined that those who traveled or worked far away in big cities did need them, and he thought it was great that those people had a place close to home that offered good quality at a low cost. He wondered how it would feel to dress so elegantly, and what it would be like to fight in such attire. Well, he didn't think it would be very comfortable since those clothes were made for the office, not a battle. In that case, he'd stick with his haori.
After browsing around for a while, he finally found what he was looking for. He paid for his purchase and left the store. Unfortunately, that meant he now had to go to the Butterfly Estate. It wasn't that he didn't want to see his coworker; it was just that he'd always been uncomfortable with others examining his body.
Resigned, he left the town and made his way toward his inevitable destination. He arrived at the mansion, where the little doctor greeted him with a tense expression.
—You're late, Tomioka-san,— she said with a forced smile. She looked paler today than yesterday. Was it from exhaustion? Who knows, but lately she hasn't liked Kocho's appearance at all; she looks very ill. —I don't have all the time in the world, so please be more punctual next time.— Her voice was sweet, but she detected a hint of threat in her tone. She sighed inwardly and sat down in the chair next to her desk.
The checkup was quick, nothing out of the ordinary. She checked her vital signs, her weight, and whether she had any recent injuries. They were about to finish when the woman beside him asked something that really puzzled him.
—I spoke with the tailors. They say you haven't been picking up your spare uniforms. Can you tell me why?— I didn't answer. The woman sighed. —Your eagerness to be 'independent' is detrimental to your health. You need to wear clean, well-maintained clothes.—
—I wash my clothes regularly, and I mend them myself if they get torn. I don't see the need to give them more work than they already have.— he said in a monotone voice, and it was true. He repaired his own clothes if they were torn in battle, which was rare since few demons managed to touch him. He had enough uniforms at his disposal, and they were all in perfect condition. Acquiring more each month seemed like a waste. —I don't need them...— More uniforms required more care, and he didn't have time for that.
—Don't say that, please. The tailors work very hard; they're a fundamental part of the company.— the younger woman said reproachfully, though the truth was she cared little for the tailors. Thanks to a certain pervert. But the man in front of her didn't need to know that...
For his part, Giyuu didn't understand what his coworker meant. He had never said that the tailors were unnecessary for the company. He was confused...
—Well, if that's all, I think I'll call it a day...— He was still confused, but it seemed his companion's doubt had been cleared up. He had things to do, like getting ready for his next mission.
—Please don't leave so soon,— the woman said, her voice tense. —We're not finished yet.— She sighed to calm herself a little and continued with her questions. —Have you been sleeping well lately?—
No, actually, he's been taking mission after mission and hasn't had time to rest, but he can't tell the doctor that or she'll get even angrier than she already is.
—As always… as far as possible—he tried to sound convincing, and it seemed to work, as the woman nodded without pressing the issue further.
—Your weight is slightly below average, but that's not really a problem. Even so, try to eat more...— Giyuu nodded at everything she said. After a few more questions, it was finally time to leave. He stood up, grabbed his things, and prepared to leave. —By the way, Tomioka-san, may I ask what you're carrying there?— the younger girl asked, stopping the raven-haired boy in his tracks. —Are they sweets? May I ask who these are for, or are they for you, Tomioka-san?— He didn't answer immediately, processing what the younger woman was saying and considering whether it was wise to tell her what the bags were and who they were for. —Are you ignoring me?— The woman's tone hardened only slightly. But he still noticed.
—They're not for me, and who they're for is none of your business.— With that, the dark-haired man left the office, leaving a very angry young woman behind...
...
When he got home, it was already midday. He had to get ready for that night's mission, but first, he had to feed someone...
He opened the gates of his estate and walked through its gardens. He took great care to maintain each of his plants in good condition. Although the Master offered to pay for servants to look after his houses when he was away, Giyuu preferred to take care of everything himself. He didn't think it was right to leave it in someone else's hands; he didn't deserve it... Peering through the bushes, he found the one he was looking for.
A calico cat was curled up in the undergrowth. For the past few days, the same cat had been sneaking into his garden and lying there until sunset, enjoying the sun as if it were the last time he would see it for a long time. Yes, it was a very strange and particular way of seeing it, but he couldn't help thinking of it that way. The animal saw him and approached him with complete naturalness. He took out the bag of treats and held them out. The feline sniffed them and then ate from his hand.
He spends some time like this, feeding and petting the cat, and at some point, he falls asleep lying on the grass.
He wonders if the demons will ever leave this world, and if he and his companions will live to tell the tale. He wonders if the hatred he feels for the world will ever disappear, and if he will find a place to belong once he has served his sentence...
...
...
The sun shone brightly in the clear sky, the warm air carrying the sweet scent of flowers. In every sense of the word, a beautiful summer afternoon, one he would savor, sitting and sipping jasmine tea, overlooking his enchanting garden, watching his children play and run around the grounds. But sadly, that day lacked tranquility in every way. His home was silent, as if everyone were holding their breath. He sat alone in the garden doorway; his wife and children had left for town a few hours earlier to prepare the celebratory dinner. They offered to join them, but he declined; he wanted to be alone. What they didn't know was that this wasn't a day for celebration, but he couldn't tell them. His stomach clenched at the mere thought of how they would react to the truth, and while isolating himself from them was crueler than the truth itself, he preferred to leave with the joyful memory of his family. He was selfish, he knew it, but he'd always been like that... The day before, he'd already said goodbye to his remaining companions, and while there were a few tears, a deep resignation hung in the air. There was nothing that could be done now. This day would be his last in this world; this day was his 25th birthday...
He lay on his back, gazing at the sky, breathing calmly as he listened to the birds sing. Had he done well? No? He had lived well, fulfilled his duty as a demon hunter, avenged his sister, settled down and started a family—a wife and two children—and finally, after enduring countless conflicts, stained with blood and pain, he would meet his end in peace.
His eyes scanned his surroundings, and in the distance, across the garden, he caught a glimpse of a furry silhouette. There, in his garden, beneath the shade of a tree, sat a calico cat. Very similar to the one he used to feed years ago, very similar to the one he saw in the final battle. The cat looked at him with those golden eyes that seemed to read his soul, meowed once, and with what he interpreted as a bow, left, disappearing into the bushes as it often did. Giyuu wanted to follow, but when he tried to stand, he realized his body was failing him. His entire system was failing, and as his eyelids grew heavy, he knew his time had come. He gazed at the sky as everything went dark, and deep in his heart, he hoped that if he had the chance to live again, he could have a life far from suffering, far from war, far from death, far from having to wield a katana to survive. Just a place he could call home.
It wasn't long before he breathed his last. There, at the entrance to his garden, lay his lifeless body. A body his wife and children would find when they returned from shopping. Something cruel, something traumatic and heartbreaking that his beloved family would have to witness. But when hadn't he ruined things? When hadn't he made his loved ones suffer because of his own immaturity? Because of his selfish desires? He should have told them, should have warned them that when they returned, he probably wouldn't be there, or that this day would be his last with them. But would they have believed him, or would they have called him crazy?
Like the people in his village... No, they weren't like that. Perhaps they wouldn't have believed him completely, but they wouldn't have left his side for a moment, assuring him that nothing bad would happen and that he would be with them tomorrow. Something that really wouldn't happen, something that really didn't happen... I suppose he preferred to leave like this, abruptly and mysteriously, rather than leave them with a bad memory of him. They would cry, they would be sad, but they would get over it, they would move on. They wouldn't lack money; they would live comfortably on their savings, and their fellow ex-hunters promised to protect them. They would be fine. Probably in a few years his children would forget him and his wife would find another love... and that would be for the best. Because he isn't someone worth suffering over more than necessary...