Archive of Our Own

It wasn’t weird for Renjun and Donghyuck to always be bickering. In fact, it was the complete opposite - a routine they easily fell into, with their daily arguing so normalized that no one around them even questioned it anymore. There isn't too much meaning behind it, or maybe it's just Donghyuck who never put much thought into their messy friendship. For him, at least, it's relatively simple: he enjoys being with Renjun, who’s way to show him his affection is trusting him enough to insult him knowing it doesn’t really hurt Donghyuck at all. If anything, it actually amused him.

Their friends secretly think that for Renjun it’s a source of stress relief since he is always about to explode because of uni (who could blame him? Renjun was after all, a perfectionist. Being paired up with lazy people did not help with his stress at all). Somehow, no matter how hard Renjun pushed and pulled, Donghyuck was always there taking it like a champion. It’s grounding, knowing someone accepts you, doesn’t question why you are the way you are and also doesn’t ask for more that you can give. They started to understand each other without really talking about it.

Summoned up, there isn’t really an explanation to why they are like this. Curiosity still wins sometimes, though. Jisung once asked Renjun about it, if he actually felt okay with their dynamic. Everyone though the end of this conversation was going to be Renjun rolling his eyes and walking away like he tends to do, but maybe Renjun has a soft spot for Jisung. So he just said “We are comfortable with each other. Hyuck, for some strange reason likes being with me and I get bored pretty easily if he’s not by my side annoying me.”

That was it. It was fine. Until it’s not anymore. And it does come as a shock to Donghyuck when he feels the undeniable pain caused by Renjun’s fist colliding on his jaw. It stings, it hurts, he can feel his vision getting momentarily blurry. This is real his mind screamed, and the numbness caused by that is just the irrefutable proof.

One of his close friends, Huang Renjun, just fucking punched him in the face.

Half an hour ago, they were inside a bar alongside their friends. Everything was fine. So what happened? Donghyuck can’t exactly pinpoint the reason. It may have been a chain reaction, but even then he’s not too sure where it started. He was being overly annoying and loud and he hadn’t taken offense when Renjun wandered alone, too overstimulated by his presence. That didn’t bother him.

What did bother him though was finding Renjun cornered by a random man looking so out of it Donghyuck genuinly though he was on drugs. He wasn’t, Renjun was just into the guy and Donghyuck confirmed it when he scared the man away and Renjun looked at him with pure, irrational anger.

Renjun is obviously drunk out of his mind. Donghyick knows, he knows Renjun isn’t thinking straight and still feels so stupidly mad. He was just trying to take care of him and was still forced out of the bar, thrown into an alley and punched in the face for worrying. So yes, even though he is less drunk (although not exactly sober) than Renjun, he decides to blame both of their actions on the alcohol.

So he forgets about everything else. He stops caring if Renjun was stressed out, that Renjun wanted to get laid and he obviously ruined his plans, that Renjun one hundred percent is going to regret this when he wakes up. It doesn’t matter anymore when he recieves the second and third punch, pain so sharp the only thing he can think of is revenge. He is boiling, livid with angerness.

“What the… fuck?” Donghyuck says and punches back without waiting fo a response. His fist goes straight into Renjun’s right cheek. Donghyuck is not really strong and he’s not that tall. But he is stronger and taller than Renjun, so he gains control quickly. Renjun looks surprised, because Donghyuck is not supposed to fight back, because he never has. But then again, they were never in this situation so there are no mind rules set. Not that the thought lingers for too much in their minds because they’re having a full-on fight and neither of them likes losing when it’s a serious matter.

Everything is quick, fast, blurry and most of all, clumsy. They are drunk, after all. Alcohol burns at the back of their throats and suffocates them but it also gives them courage. Maybe courage isn’t a good thing to have in this state of mind.

One second, Donghyuck’s shaky hands are fisted in Renjun’s shirt, shoving him back until his shoulders hit the wall, and the next Donghyuck crosses a line. His grip tightens and it’s not on Renjun’s shirt - but on his neck. The world stops for a second right there when Donghyuck notices that Renjun became completely frozen.

It must be fear. He had taken it too far. He really fucked up. It was never supposed to become this violent. What the hell was he thinking?

Life always tends to surprise. Right there and then when Donghyuck’s own mind realized he needed to let Renjun go, he heard it. A small whimper coming from Renjun’s throat. It could’ve been brushed off as pain if it wasn’t for the moan after. It was so loud and sexual it felt like watching a porn video - this was real though, and it wasn’t a video, it was one of his best friends. His whole mind stalled.

The feeling of a chill going up his spine is not new, of course. He is twenty two years old, he has been in shitty situations, but never like this. Even when his brain hasn’t completely understood what happened, his body does react to the fast conclusions. His hands suddenly burn as he lets go of Renjun, arms swing until they completely stop moving.

Donghyuck is paralyzed by the shock. What? What was happening? Did Renjun just moan? What is weirder? Renjun and him fist fighting or Renjun moaning after being choked? He must’ve been heard wrong, right? Yeah, there is no way, it must be the alcohol messing up with his hearing. It has to be.

But it is not. Even if his ears are playing tricks to him, his eyes would have to corroborate it, but they don’t. The only thing he sees is Renjun in front of him, face red and sweaty, catching a breath and covering his mouth with his palms hurriedly after. Renjun, just as Donghyuck, realizes it. He doesn’t even try to play fool.

That’s how the idea of it really happening get’s slowly into Donghyuck’s head. Renjun’s face betrays him. Renjun’s whole body betrays him.

On a random Friday night, something suddenly snaps between them. It’s not supposed to happen, their dynamic was never like this. They are both on unexplored territory and, to be fair, there is no manual for how to be a good friend. And if there was a guide book about it, there definetely wouldn’t be a section on “What to do if a friend moaned because I choked them while drunk fighting”.

It’s not exactly awkward, but it’s tense. Donghyuck doesn’t really register Renjun’s sudden movements because he’s still lost on his mind. What he does notice is the distance between them being gone in a moment, Renjun dragging his feet along the way until he pressed their bodies together.

“I’m sorry.” He says, but Donghyuck is not sure what Renjun is sorry about. Is he sorry for punching him? Or moaning? Or making Donghyuck’s new shirt soaked with sweat because of the one-sided hug?

The hug is horrible, just way too uncomfortably warm. Renjun’s shirt is damp where it presses against Donghyuck’s arm, and it feels like he is just sprawled on whatever he can grab from his body. He can feel Renjun’s forehead in the creek of his neck and Renjun’s hands on his back and left arm.

For a moment, he doesn’t know what to say. Nerves are pulsing and Donghyuck can hear his heart, wondering if Renjun does hear it too. His reaction is progressive in some way; after the initial surprise all his emotions come in waves. It’s embarrassing, because Donghyuck feels like a kid with no experience even though that’s not true. He doesn’t think Renjun heavily breathing on his ear is helping him think straight.

It’s a hot night - Donghyuck feels sticky all over. His body is burning, but it’s a different type of burn, not because of the heat or the body presses together while dancing. It’s just Renjun making his heart beat at a mile per hour and his head feel dizzy and foggy. 

There is too much alcohol in his system to figure out what the reaction means. Why is his heart stuttering? He shouldn’t feel this way. 

First reaction comes delayed and small. Donghyuck swallows, feeling his throat dry. Renjun’s hot breath on his neck starts feeling too much and the silence is killing him, even though it’s clear Renjun is waiting for a reply.

Donghyuck can’t lie and say he hasn’t thought about Renjun a thousand times like this. But that’s just his imagination and Renjun is his friend. You can’t control being attracted to someone but you can choose to not act upon the impulses.

Why risk it?

The question starts to lack of arguments when he moves his leg just a little and feels the undeniable pressure of Renjun’s half-hard member against his clothed thigh.

“Mh.” 

It was that tiny sound that made Donghyuck’s whole world collapse. He doesn’t consider himself easy or slutty, keeping his options open but always being scrumptious about it. Now he feels desperate for something. Someone. He’s not thinking and it shows because even though he shouldn’t, his mind starts thinking about it: sex with Renjun. And now he can’t stop fantazising about it because it is Renjun after all, and no one in their sane mind would reject this sobbing, clingy cute guy in their arms.

Blush is creeping up his neck and face when he finally decides to act upon the desire. This is the second time this night that Donghyuck does something he’s not supposed to, and even though the first was him punching Renjun this second impulse feels terribly worse. To drown in this shameful and lustful feeling voluntarily is like suicide and he knows it, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Not when his own hand shaky caresses Renjun’s left cheek, fingers softly tracing his jawline to make his face look upward.

First thing he notices are Renjun’s eyes, those same eyes that were normally sharp and avoidant were now wide and glassy, full of expectation. Second thing he notices are Renjun’s lips, his thumb brushing where a split formed and traces of blood remained, probably because he bit it during the fight. 

Fuck it. “I’m going to kiss you now, okay?”

Before he could overthink his mistake, Donghyuck’s hand slid into Renjun’s head, gripping it tight and pulling it harshly so their mouths could crash together. Finally. Relaxation settles in, but the kiss is not sweet at all. It’s poorly aimed and becomes desperate quickly enough to have Donghyuck taste all of Renjun’s mouth.

It tastes like cheap alcohol, saliva and something metallic, probably blood. Maybe from Renjun’s mouth or his, maybe even both. He presses harder against Renjun’s mouth, tongue tangled against his. They are not mindful of their breathing at all, the experience fading away like they are teenagers again. 

Donghyuck should pull away. They are drunk. He should do something, anything. But he wants Renjun so bad. He doesn’t even know what he wants from him, maybe everything.

Shame and desire are all over his chest, fluttering painfully. The contact feels too much but not enough at the same time. Renjun kisses like he’s out of air and Donghyuck is his life support and he lets it happen. Comfort only exists because it’s obvious that whatever Donghyuck is feeling Renjun is also suffering from it. 

This is their first kiss ever. They never crossed a line, not even a playful peck like friends tend to do. Donghyuck has heard about Renjun’s kissing skills being really good, but this is too perfect. It doesn’t matter if their mouths slip and come back together or if there is too much spit. It’s perfect and also overwhelming, he’s not sure if in a good or bad way.

God. He can say he’s doing a good job by the way he can feel Renjun completely hard under his jeans.

Renjun’s grip slides down from Donghyuck’s neck to his jacket, curling at the collar as if he’s about to fall. Instead of following the rational thinking of his head, Donghyuck slides his thigh again, creating friction. The face Renjun makes is delightful, kiss stopping suddenly and Donghyuck decides to not chase his lips just to watch him. 

Rubbing seems to do the trick, because Renjun’s face contorts with pleasure. He wants to say it’s too much and ask for more at the same time, but he doesn’t get the chance.

A sudden scream looking for them makes them stop immediately. “Donghyuck! Renjun!” They hear, and it’s over. Whatever that moment was, it stops as they sprint away from each other. 

It’s probably for the better. Even though Donghyuck didn’t want for them to stop, they were drunk. It wasn’t right. Under all his mixed emotions he feels thankful enough to control the pettinness to not take over his face and voice when a cheerful Chenle passes by the alley, looking for them. “Injunnieeee! Hyu- Oh!”

“Here you are. We looked everywhere for you guys.” Jeno giggled while talking and stumbled over nothing with Jaemin following behind trying to stabilize four guys at a time. “Our Jisungie was already thinking you were abducted by aliens and disappeared forever.”

Normality feels as needed as it is unwanted for Donghyuck. He knows stopping is the right thing to do, but it doesn’t make him feel less shitty, and he does feel shitty for a lot of things. For making this mistake. For not doing it sooner. For taking advantage of Renjun. For enjoying it too much.

Most of their friends are out of it, worried enough to follow Jaemin who was looking for them both but also too intoxicated to be verbal and ask what happened. It’s a funny scene to watch - their friends acting like this, but neither Donghyuck or Renjun are laughing.

Everything goes back to place but Donghyuck feels like he is in a totally different dimension. His whole perspective of life changed in less than 10 minutes and his world crumbles while he watches Renjun try to force a smile. It’s painfully obvious something happened, and Jaemin is the only one who notices. He’s sober, so he is mindful of not being too pushy about it. “You-”

“Were you guys fighting?!” Chenle screams, way too loud, way too Chenle. Now they are the focus in a different way. Their friends look at them with horror.

Maybe it’s for the better they think that way, that they fought and nothing more. Renjun doesn’t meet his gaze when he replies, “Yeah.” and Donghyuck understands. He really does.

They don’t talk about it.

After two weeks, it starts to drive Donghyuck crazy. He’s jacked off to the thought of Renjun and his swollen lips at least ten times since the incident happened. He’s so down bad it feels like going back when he saw tits for the first time and was constantly daydreaming about it and having random boners in the worst places possible. It starts becoming too much, he sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night thinking about Renjun, or sometimes he doesn’t even pay attention to his classes just because he can’t stop remembering everything and how much he would want for that to not have been a drunk mistake.

Worst part is he hides it decently enough, but Renjun doesn’t. Their love and hate dynamic crumbles apart in front of all of their friends who don’t have a clue about anything. They are used to their fights and jokes and Renjun getting away with bullying Donghyuck, not whatever this is.

If for some reason they appeared to be upset, that would be fine too. After all, they did get into a physical fight, being angry about it and ignoring the other person would be a natural reaction. Donghyuck thinks that that’s the resolution their friends expect to happen: him and Renjun being shady towards each other, distancing emotionally and maybe even being petty enough to hold on to the grudge until Donghyuck finally gives up and apologize. He expected it too, in a way. It makes sense to think like that because what they saw was the aftermath of them beating up each other. What they did not know was the presence of another factor in the equation.

For that, no one understands what’s wrong with Renjun. And even though Donghyuck has the privilege of knowing what happened, he doesn’t understands either. He expects Renjun to change, to be mad. He wants him to be mad like he is at himself.

No one expects Renjun to start acting docile and nervous around him. It comes as a surprise for everyone, mostly for Donghyuck. 

Between their shared class of marketing, Mark finally gave in to his curiosity. “…So. Donghyuck, man,” He murmured while glancing at their teacher as if trying to not get caught talking. It didn’t make sense, because the old man was already going deaf, so Donghyuck concluded it was just Mark being cautious about the topic. “What happened between you and Renjun?” 

“Uh.” Donghyuck’s thoughts lingered on the white board in front of him, attempting his best at paying attention. “I don’t know,” He kind of did, but ignorance is bliss. For whatever reason, Renjun has been flooding all of his thoughts for fourteen days straight and classes are his only disctraction for a few hours. Mark ruined it, because he feels his pencil faltering and his muscles tensing. “I don’t really want to talk about it right now.”

Mark’s soft voice didn’t change but his demeanor did shift from casual to this-is-a-serious-talk. “You have to talk about it at some point though. It’s becoming weird, dude.” 

Definetely a weird place to bring this up. Donghyuck caught a few quick glances directed at them from nearby seats and he didn’t blame anyone because, honestly, class was boring and drama is always fun to hear unless you’re involved directly in it. Which in this case, he was. So he wasn’t enjoying this conversation at all. “We’ll be fine” He said, sharply. “…It’s me and Renjun. It’s me and him, after all.” 

It was true. Their friendship was without a doubt really strong and Mark wasn’t implying otherwise, but it still felt like an attack.

From an outsider’s point of view (Meaning his classmates, right at this exact moment) Donghyuck was being a total jackass to Mark who was not trying to create any drama. If anything, he was just checking in like a friend does. But Donghyuck couldn’t help it. He was about to explode and Mark, unfortunately, had chosen to talk about the cause of his tension in the middle of an important class that they should be paying attention to. 

Mark’s frown blossomed, sensing hostility. “I know,” He said, words stumbling out quickly enough to try and clear the tension. “I didn’t say that…” He pressed his lips together. Mark’s eyes flicked between the teacher’s explanation and Donghyuck’s angry persona as if to think about continuing the conversation or dropping it. He sighed loudly. “Whatever. It is because is you and Renjun… It seems like…” He stopped abruptly and then whispered. “Nevermind.”

What does that even mean? Donghyuck’s grip tightend around his pencil going pale at the thought of the implications of whatever Mark meant. His heart was loud again, as if it was the moment he would confess everything. He wanted to, because it felt so wrong but at the same time it was impossible to control. Mouth opened, then closed and opened again trying to form words. Anything.

“Nevermind.” Mark repeated, more loudly this time. Not scream loud, more like the kind of this conversation is over loud. The one that drew a line that begged to not be crossed.

The word resonated in Donghyuck’s mind on repeat. It seems like… Nevermind. Nevermind. You and Renjun. It seems like…

It was the perfect time to not persue the topic, to let Mark back off and regret bringing it up. But Donghyuck honestly gave up on the lecture a long ago and was already sweating coldz “What?” He looked at Mark directly, but Mark didn’t look back. “Say it.”

It seems like… Nevermind. “Look, Hyuck, I always though you lik-”

The bell rings, and Mark looks relieved.

As if the sound of the bell didn’t save him, his phone also rang in his pocket. Mark glances at it for half a second after taking it out and visibly relaxes. “My girlfriend is calling me. I’m grabbing lunch with her today,” He gathers his things neatly. “The guys will probably be in the cafeteria, though.” The awkward laugh that follow is heartbreaking but not more than when he starts walking away without waiting for a response.

“Enjoy your lunch, loser.” That’s the last thing Donghyuck hears before Mark gets away.

The realization of being a bad friend hits hard when he sees Jeno peak by his class door waiting for him so they can eat lunch together.

✦

Between his self-pity reflection while packing up his books and materials into his bag (more like throwing them inside and fighting with the zipper that did not want to close all the way) and his walk to lunch with Jeno, Donghyuck didn’t really expect to end up like this. 

Renjun’s thigh is pressed softly against his own, but it feels like even the smallest touch between them is burning. It’s barely anything at all, a normal contact for two people squeezed into a table that is meant for four people but it’s instead occupied by six. It still gets into Donghyuck’s nerves, even knowing that this is normal and has happened a lot of times before.

The cafeteria A.C has been broken since yesterday, a lot of students complaining nonstop. No one wants to be sweaty while trying to eat and get a break from classes. Donghyuck doesn’t really mind the heat though, at least not normally. He is the type of guy that can be under the sun all day without complaining. Heat doesn’t bother him and sweating doesn’t either.  But now, sittng at Renjun’s side the wetness forming in his temples and dripping down all the way to his neck, it feels like hell.

Everyone else is whining about how hot it is. He feels it too. But it's not because of the air-conditioning. It's Renjun.

Donghyuck’s gaze is strictly fixed at his tray like the object holds all of the secrets of the universe and the meaning behind Renjun’s new attitude. He feels everything, the warmth of his legs, the slight shift every time Renjun moves. Ridiculous. 

He’s not very hungry, so he ends up opting to leave his food for Chenle, who is always in the mood to eat a little extra, particularly in situations where he doesn’t have to pay. 

“I got paired with a girl for a project but she’s not doing anything…” Jisung says, bringing a fresh conversation to the table. But just like every other conversation during this past weeks, Donghyuck doesn’t really listens. He should, that’s his friend, it’s stupid to be hyperaware of everything if Renjun is involved.

But he can’t help it. He feels Renjun’s eyes following his every move and it’s driving him insane. Trying to pretend that he doesn’t notices by keeping his eyes down where his hands lay on the top of the table results being counterproductive, he ends up ignoring all of his friends. 

“…Hyung? Donghyuck hyung?”

Damn it. His stomach is twisting itself into knots, he should already be past silly crushes like this. Donghyuck’s reaction to his name being called out isn’t fast enough. It’s too slow and obvious. It doesn’t matter, because he ends up looking to his side where Renjun is, in fact, watching him attently. His breath hitches and forgets about answering Jisung.

They look in each others eyes like this, for a second and then another, until it’s not really natural. Renjun’s eyes doesn’t have their usual irritation and there is no rude words rolling out of his tongue. He is just looking at Donghyuck, quietly and focused.

Everyone seems momentarily stunned, or so it seems because it suddenly becomes quiet. Donghyuck feels his throat tighten, wanting to move but not even trying to pretend to go back to his food or to Jisung. 

The blush on Renjun’s cheeks is subtle at first, it blooms as his lips move without making a sound. Donghyuck doesn’t stop looking. Then, Renjun’s ears become red too, giving him away completely. Donghyuck doesn’t stop looking. Renjun breaks the eye contact, averting his eyes to their friends.

Donghyuck can’t take his eyes off him. His heart it’s beating loudly and he’s stuck at admiring Renjun’s side profile with adoration. 

Maybe that is considered as the breaking point for all of their friends. Jaemin, looking exhausted and done, sighs and answers instead of Donghyuck, clearly pitying Jisung for being ignored. “You should try talking to her. Do you have her number?”

“Oh. Uh. Yeah!” Jisung perks up immediately, probably grateful for the attention.

The conversation eventually fades into the backgroud as Donghyuck’s brain still tries to catch up what happened. He knows he looks dumb, he catches himself smiling like an idiot and still looking at Renjun like a dumb teenager not knowing how to hide an infatuation. He bites his cheek and drops back to his seat, but his mind wanders off again.

It seems like it’s mutual. At least, that’s the information Donghyuck has gathered from these past few days. It feels easier, but that doesn’t make it okay because it’s not. Rule #1 between friend groups: never date each other. Do not cross that line if you want the group to survive after uni. But it’s hard, Renjun is so damn pretty he feels like the only option is to die.

Cases like this tend to happen, that’s for sure. They are not the only friends in the planet who crossed the platonic lines, but it still feels unreal. 

Renjun, the one guy who should feel strictly forbidden. Donghyuck does think a fair lot about his friend (more than he would admit), but that doesn’t mean he figured him out. Renjun, a complicated guy to understand who could get your heart broken easily without really trying but being nice about it. A friend who was sharp but still showed when it mattered, acting like he didn’t care but remembering every date. He doesn’t remember a time Renjun had a boyfriend, just flings. “I don’t have the time for it. Love is not easy.” That’s what Renjun told him, and he believed it. Because for him, Renjun could get whoever he wanted, no matter what was their type. Versatile, strong-willed, funny, charismatic, seductive, that were a few of his qualities. He could get anyone he wanted. Why Donghyuck, who was not his type at all?

And yet, Renjun kept looking at him like that. 

It was a problematic situation. And yet, Donghyuck was still waiting.

Daydreaming has become dangerous. Donghyuck knows he should stop thinking about this. His left cheek is pinched by Chenle, who is looking at him with the most unimpressed expression ever. “Eat!” Chenle ordered, trying to feed him the leftovers with a spoon.  “Open your mouth and stop spacing out, I’ll feel bad if I eat all of your food.”

He ends up accepting, letting Chenle treat him like a child. It’s not much, but his stomach thanks him anyways.

Before normalcy can set again, he feels Renjun’s head laying on his right shoulder. He goes rigid and tense almost immediately, embarrassing himself. Renjun doesn’t laugh or move away though, just stays there.

That earns them a few weird glances from their friends, who try to pretend they don’t notice but fail at masking their surprised expressions. They are already the center of attention, but they are more now because lf what Renjun says. “Movie night? In my place.” He doesn’t especify who he is inviting. It feels like an open invitation, but his eyes are set on Donghyuck’s arms.

Whole table goes silent for a few seconds before one by one starts agreeing reluctantly. Donghyuck catches Chenle looking very amused.

Donghyuck feels pressed to say “Yeah” too. He is, without a doubt, completely fucked.

In retrospective, he should’ve known. Their friends weren’t stupid and figured out quickly enough that Renjun’s sudden change of mind wasn’t because of the fight. If a random person also looked at them for more than two seconds they would probably get it immediately too - Donghyuck and Renjun had the hots for each other.

At the beginning at least, all of their friends were pretty worried about the bruises and the consequences that followed from that night. Then, they didn’t want to ask about it too much. And finally, they completely ditched them for the night.

Every single one of their five friends didn’t arrive to the movie night. Even Jaemin, who was Renjun’s roommate, suddenly disappeared. Maybe they just wanted to give them space, but it still felt like an ambush.

Now, Donghyuck looks down to his hands to find himself in Renjun’s chat once again. He has read the same conversation at least five times thinking if it is the right choice to walk the stairs leading to the apartment where his fate is sealed.

Me

heyy

should i bring snacks

19:10 P.M

Junnie •᷅ࡇ•᷄

Please do.

19:11 P.M

Can you bring me some coffee please

19:15 P.M

Me

ofc

you shouldn’t drink coffee this late but i’ll buy it regardless xP it’s friday night so whatevs

19:30 P.M

Junnie •᷅ࡇ•᷄

Thanks.

19:31 P.M

📷 view photo

No one is here yet

I’m getting bored!!

Come soon

19:44 P.M

Me

📷 sent a photo

i got the coffee

i’ll be there on fifteen

19:50 P.M

Junnie •᷅ࡇ•᷄

😊

You should take more selfies. You look cute in that one.

19:52 P.M

Everyone is ignoring my calls…

I don’t think they’re coming 🙁

20:02 P.M

And so, Donghyuck arrived to his destination: Renjun’s building, just to find they had been ditched. He called Chenle a few times and Jeno twice before he gave up on trying. Being mad about it wouldn’t change anything, but he is regardless. Realizing his self-control being around Renjun was nonexistent, Donghyuck spent five minutes drawn to the idea of just fleeing.

Renjun didn’t deserve it, though. And Donghyuck wanted to fall right into the mistake of surrendering by the temptation so badly.

Me

jerks

i’m going up

let’s watch all the good movies without them

20:10 P.M

✦

By the third knock, the door in front of him is wide open. A pair of eyes look at him up and down and he can’t do anything but accept it and do the same. Renjun stands there like he’s been waiting behind the door since forever with wet hair, not dripping but wet enough to make the assumption he showered.

It should be unfair to look this good when being this effortless. 

“You look nice,” Renjun says, a flustered smile creeping in his face. Donghyuck wonders if he is embarrassed because after all, Renjun is in pajamas. Somehow, he looks even cuter like this. “Come in.”

Renjun’s hand closes around his wrist, dragging him in his apartment. He barely registers any information before being pulled around into a room. He doesn’t resist, just thinks about the familiar smell in the apartment and the way Renjun’s back of his neck has a few drops falling down, down, down to the inside of his pajamas and back.

Moving in autopilot, Donghyuck lets himself plop in Renjun’s neat bed. He doesn’t know how to act, being intimidated by a room he’s been in a thousand times before. Then, he notices that the hand on top of his hasn’t let go.

He stiffens up immediately. Renjun’s fingers are still resting over his wrist, warm and still. What can he do? How should he act? “A-are we waiting for the guys? What movie do you want to watch, Jun?” He stutters, and the innocent act doesn’t work.

Renjun doesn’t blink. He keeps his eyes on his, unflinching. “No. I don’t care.” With that words, Renjun applies force on his wrist strongly enough to yank his hand off the bed and place it on Renjun’s chest. For a few seconds, Donghyuck doesn’t understand what it is supposed to mean. His palm is pressing against a soft pink silk and his brain is short-circuiting because of the sudden intimacy. Then, he gets out of his trance. Renjun’s heartbeat. It’s pounding like it wants to get out of his chest. “I…” He says, watching Donghyuck’s eyes go wide. “I can’t stop thinking about you, Hyuck. I know it’s wrong.”

The confession makes Donghyuck’s chest ache in an unknown way. He’s stunned by Renjun’s faintly pink cheeks and his pout. Sometimes people tend to forget Renjun is also a human, vulnerable behind his walls. Forcing words out of his mouth, gibberish and insecurity speak for him. “But. I, I-m not your type.” He swallows hard. “I’ve seen the guys you have been with… Jun, what?”

Knowing it’s a bad choice of words, he expects Renjun to laugh or roll his eyes. But then again, Renjun’s way of acting now doesn’t match the version Donghyuck has of him in his head.

“I know.” Renjun tries comforting him with the most understanding eyes ever and a soft whisper. “I didn’t think this could happen either, it just did.” He explains. “What happened… I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Huh. Does he mean the kiss… Or the choking?

The question sends alarm to Donghyuck’s head instantly. He feels like it’s right about to roll out of his tongue, but he fears spoiling whatever thing they have going on right now. Needing to ask about it doesn’t mean he should do it, but his body is suddenly burning in need. 

“Me choking you?”

Silence.

“Y-yeah.” Renjun mutters, letting go of Donghyuck’s hand. Maybe it was too straightforward and it was the wrong move, but it still meant something. Renjun did really want him. 

Donghyuck has the sudden, overwhelming need of fixing it. “Me too.” Wishing for Renjun’s hand to go back to the place they were is selfish, but Donghyuck finds comfort in being selfish as of this moment. “I also can’t stop thinking about you.”

The confession carries a heavy weight in his chest, he can feel how the relaxation settles in. He finally said it. It’s done now.

A hesitant smile forms on Renjun’s lips. “This is bad.” Renjun concludes.

Words feel meaningless because he then shifts and sits beside Donghyuck, hands trembling in his laps as he crosses his legs.

Donghyuck nods. He agrees. But there is a fire forming in his lower belly that he can’t resist. “Then let’s get it out of our system.” He says, impulsively. It’s like begging for a chance to prove himself to Renjun, because he knows he can make him feel good. “I believe it can go back to the way it was after.”

Looking conflicted, Renjun’s eyes soften. Deep down, he knows Donghyuck is lying a little. It is impossible to go back, but they can pretend.

“Let’s try.”

It’s hard to notice the perception of time from that point on. Once the consent is clear, meaning Renjun clearly wants to and it’s not just the alcohol speaking for him, Donghyuck mind starts spiralling into the depths of his sexual needs caused by this year depravation. He was always with friends and studying, so he didn’t have the time. But this is his friend. And this is, well, just wow.

Donghyuck just opts to act instead of filling the silence with more words. Talking is useless now. He’s been thinking and talking distracts him from his true goal. Renjun’s lips is everything he wishes now, to taste him again after two weeks of pure self-control. 

As he leans in and presses a soft kiss against Renjun’s mouth, he remembers how their first kiss was. This one is more delicate and sweet, but he already knows that this will change soon enough. Their lips move together slow and easy, maybe because now there is no alcohol to make them skip one hundred steps like they did before. Donghyuck’s thumb brushes against Renjun’s lower lip just to part them slightly to deepen the kiss.

The position is a bit awkward, so as soon as he senses Renjun shifting back, he presses to make him lay back completely. “That’s better, Junnie.” Donghyuck tells him, but wastes no more time talking. His hand slids right into Renjun’s waist just to hold him in place.

When their tongues meet, the air shifts. It’s really happening now, there is no turn back from the frienship they left behind. Donghyuck’s tongue is pushing hard against Renjun’s, who in response just moans into his mouth while tangling his fingers in Donghyuck’s curly hair. More. That’s the message it sends. He tries to comply by caressing his waist and tummy, consciously ignoring the lowest part.

It’s obviously not enough. Renjun starts getting fretful under him, searching for any kind of friction Donghyuck might give him. His one true weakness was saying no to Renjun, and this won’t change now. Lowering his pelvis, Donghyuck meets Renjun’s clothed dick with delightful precision. The moan in reaction boosts his ego.

Placing one of his free hands now on Renjun’s thighs, he opens them to position himself between them so he has more access. It brings them closer, bodies flushing together. 

Kissing Renjun is addictive in a way. With their lips moving so desperately like this, he gets hard embarrassingly fast. He feels his hair being pushed and pulled, the way Renjun squirms whenever their dicks brush together and how sweet his mouth tastes.

Donghyuck is trying his best not to crush Renjun under his weight, but it’s hard to not chase the contact. He sighs when he pulls away from Renjun’s lips, dizzy because of the nervousness. The action is meant for them to catch their breaths, but Donghyuck ends up stunned by what is under him. Feeling his heartbeat pulsate so hard must be a signal to slow down, because he wants to make it special, but when his eyes land on Renjun’s face is hard to play it cool. Renjun’s eyes that are dilated, fluttering his eyelashes slyly, biting his swollen lips and regulating his shallow breathing. 

It’s a lot to take in. Donghyuck nuzzles in Renjun’s neck, finding comfort in his warmth. “Hyuck?”

“Sorry, I’m kind of sensitive.” He smiles against Renjun’s neck and feels him shudder because of it.

Settling perfectly between his thighs, Donghyuck resumes to grind his hips against Renjun’s. It starts slow, every measured and deliberate rolls of his hips make Renjun’s breath hitch, but he still lays there and takes it, fingers digging in Donghyuck’s arm. They are just starting, but Renjun is already  fully hard under his pajamas, trying to get more friction by jolting and joining Donghyuck’s pace.

“You’re so…” Desperate. That’s what Donghyuck tries to say, but he bites his words with a pressed smile. His dark, curly hair falls into his eyes as he leans down to give small pecks to Renjun. Of course he is noisy and desperate - it’s an unfair observation to say out loud, Donghyuck has been tormeting him with this agonizing pace. Renjun movements had been telling him everything, the way he bucks up and meets him, the way he squirms when pinned down by his hips and how nasty were the sounds he made when Donghyuck gave a him a little of what he wanted.

The slow drag of fabric against their skins starts to feel too much, and Renjun thinks of begging, “I-I’m already prepped, so…” but he opts for tempting and seducing instead.

It gets him what he wants. He always gets what he wants.

His words get into Donghyuck’s head and right into his dick, feeling about to explode.

Sensing Donghyuck’s determination about to crack, Renjun arches his back to meet an downward grind coming, sending a spike of pleasure to them both. “You’re so greedy.” A small laugh rumbles from Donghyuck’s chest as he pushes himself up again. The sudden loss of contact makes Renjun pout and whine, but he shuts up as soon as Donghyuck grips the hem of his own shirt.

Renjun watches and holds his breath as Donghyuck takes his shirt off. He’s seen him before, but never like this. He has never been this turned on by Donghyuck’s bare body before. Somehow, Donghyuck knows, smiling at him through clouded eyes. Renjun’s eyes, though, fail to mantain visual contact and fall to the sound of a zipper and jeans coming off. Donghyuck slides his pants and boxers off all together, smug expression as if he enjoys the attention.

He is thick. That’s all Renjun gets to see before Donghyuck’s hands are all over his body.

In a hurry, Donghyuck helps him get off his clothes too, and they end up discharged in his floor, kicking them off the bed for them to join Donghyuck’s.

Renjun’s haze is shattered by a sudden reminder. “Ah, condom.” He mutters. “Don’t move, wait.” The command is soft, unlike Renjun’s hasty movements. He pushes himself up the bed with urgency, fumbles over his drawer, yanks it over hard enough to almost take it out completely and rattles until he takes out a condom, triumphant.

Hasty movements on the way back to the bed make his bare foot caught on Donghyuck’s discarded jeans, he stumbles over and with a yelp, falls over Donghyuck completely. “Shit.” A breathless laugh comes after, Renjun finds his own awkwardness funny enough to make fun of himself.

It’s funny.

Donghyuck’s doesn’t laugh, his chest aches with need as he tangles his fingers on Renjun’s hair and searches for his lips. He pours himself into the kiss and Renjun melts against him, kissing back with fervor.

When the moment is over and they break apart, Donghyuck tilts his head and trail his lips down Renjun’s jaw, following the sensitive trail of his throat until he finds his collarbone. If it’s just this once, he wants Renjun to remember him, at least for a few days. He lings there, presses open-mouthed kisses until Renjun groans and Donghyuck takes it as permission to nip his neck, not enough to hurt but with enough pressure to mark. It feels like claiming, at least that’s what he intends to do. His tongue follows the trail of reddish marks he created, biting again until he feels Renjun’s hips jerk forward.

Enough is enough. His hand placed on Renjun’s shoulder slids down the line of his stomach, wrapping Renjun’s lenght in one motion. It feels hard and hot against his palm, and he surrenders by giving it an experimental stroke. He doesn’t know what Renjun likes, but he knows what feels good. The choked gasp that follows is a confirmation of this. Donghyuck continues kissing as his hand starts to move, grounding Renjun with his free hand on his hip.

The rhythm feels torturous at first, but when his thumb sweeps accidentaly over Renjun’s sensitive head, a loud moan echoes through the room. His arm muscles tense as he speed up his strokes, biting Renjun’s skin a little bit harder this time. Under Donghyuck, Renjun can’t do anything but shudder and let out strangled moans.

Renjun’s compusure is completely gone by now, thrusting into Donghyuck’s fist with desperation. The frantic move of his hips gives away that his climax is close, it’s soon but after all the teasing Donghyuck is finally giving him what he wanted. With a shuddering breath and his hips jerking erratically, he cries out. “S-stop, I’m going to come.” 

Donghyuck is tempted to not stop. He toys with Renjun’s tip by smearing the pre-cum all over his shaft when Renjun calls out his name, muffling a cry. “Please…” He pants. “Do you not want me?”

His neglected cock feels about to explode with the sudden words, twitching because of it. He withdraws his hand and wipes it on the sheets, nasty, but it’s faster like that. “Of course I do, baby.” How can Donghyuck ignore Renjun’s plea? “You’re gorgeous.”

The honesty is not unwanted but it feels sudden, Renjun opens his eyes in awe and blushes before averting his gaze again.

It feels intoxicating. With a nod, Donghyuck asks. “Where is the lube?”

Renjun shakes his head. “It’s okay. I,” He paused. “I like it when it hurts. Please. I want you.”

Not even pretending to think about it twice, Donghyuck reaches for the discarded foil just to get it taken away by Renjun’s fingers. With ease and a knowing smile, he opens the condom and rolls it on Donghyuck’s shaft. Even the smallest touches make Donghyuck shudder with pleasure, but he doesn’t make a sound just to try and protect his dignity. To be honest, he thinks he can cum just by looking at Renjun.

Donghyuck sighs out of pleasure built up from the few seconds Renjun’s fingers touched him. Please. He remembers Renjun’s voice, making him shift, positioning himself at Renjun’s entrance. It’s wrong for him to want Renjun to beg again and he’s teased him long for tonight, so he tries to hurry.

“Pretty.” He whispers to Renjun to distract him while entering slowly, inch by inch, taking his time just to not feel like a selfish jerk. Renjun’s envolves him completely, and it’s overwhelming.

Tight. Renjun is so tight he feels like cumming immediately. He should’ve asked and insisted on fingering him again, it would’ve felt better for Renjun, but even knowing that, he can’t regret the way his dick feels inside of Renjun like this now.

A pair of hands land on his hips, Renjun’s fingers digging into his flesh to have something to hold on to. It feels good, the heat of Renjun’s ass is driving him insane. “Fuck” He says, but Renjun doesn’t say anything back, he just let his head fall back and his lips part to let small gasps. 

When he bottoms out, Renjun body trembles all over. Donghyuck can hear Renjun’s heartbeat where their chests touch, a frantic flutter against his ribs, but Renjun is too busy paying attention to the satisfaction of being filled. “You’re thick” He says, sweat glistening in his skin. It should hurt, there is no doubt about it, but there is no sign of discomfort on Renjun’s face, just pure desire.

Knowing he shouldn’t take it fast, Donghyuck leaves a peck on Renjun’s lips, but the sudden move makes Renjun whimper, right hand flies to his own mouth, bitting down hard on his closed fist. The other hand is still pressed hard on Donghyuck’s hips, nails digging and it sends a pleasurable jolt throught Donghyuck’s body that makes him move again involuntarily.

They moan at the same time.

The sight of Renjun trying to hold himself together and be silent is so erotic Donghyuck knows he won’t last long. Renjun’s eyes were squeezed shut and even with his hand covering his mouth, sounds escaped his lips. “Don’t,” Donghyuck hand reaches out to Renjun’s. “I want to hear you. You sound so nice.”

Renjun’s eyes flutter open and he blushes instantly, looking completely out of it. He takes his hand off with a shaky breath and smiles at Donghyuck.

For a second, Donghyuck wants to pretend to care a lot more than his dick let’s him and ask if it’s okay to move. He’s clouded by desire, thinking if this is how Renjun likes it. If he usually let’s men do him rough and messy. If it’s okay Donghyuck can do that too.

“M-move.”

The first roll of hips sends them to heaven, hell and straight back to where they are. It is supposed to be experimental, but Donghyuck has a burning need boiling in his blood whenever Renjun makes a sound, it makes him gain his confidence back quickly enough to set a good rhythm between them. 

Not enough. “Kiss me.” Renjun demands, voice raw and shaky. This is the version of Renjun Donghyuck knew all along; ordering around and acting all bossy. It turns him on. It makes him want to tease Renjun until he is mad and then just follow his instructions like an obedient dog. Donghyuck doesn’t hesitate, crashing his lips against Renjun’s with passion. Like always between them, it results in a messy clash of tongue and teeth.

Donghyuck’s hips grow impatient with each second passing by, becoming frantic when he bottoms out and grinds on Renjun’s tight ass.

Donghyuck’s hips grow impatient with each second passing by, becoming frantic whenever he bottoms out and grinds on Renjun’s tight ass just to pull back and do it all over again.

Thank god Jaemin isn’t in the apartment right now, because he would hear them. They are loud, and Donghyuck wonders if the neigbours can hear them. The room is filled with the sound of their skins slapping against each other, wet and slick sounds of their kisses and how the bed creaks under a messy Renjun moaning outloud everytime Donghyuck thrusts right back into him.

Renjun gets desperate like this, clenching and rising his own hips to meet Donghyuck’s thrusts. He feels Donghyuck’s tongue shoving into his mouth just like his dick is, fast and hard. The tension coiling in Renjun’s body make him tighten all of his muscles, making him moan and break the kiss with a loud, wet smack. “H-hyuck- Ah, please.” He throws his head back, hitting it in the process. 

“Junnie, you feel so good.” So good, so good. Donghyuck feels like he’s about to explode, but he doesn’t want this to be over so soon.

Filled by the sudden need of making Renjun feel better, he changes his angle slightly just to find it. It takes a few seconds before Renjun hitches when Donghyuck’s cock hits against Renjun’s sweet spot that makes him see stars, sobbing all over again. “There. Fuck, oh, please.” He blabbes, words slurring together forming sentences Donghyuck could barely understand. Tears stream down his face, Renjun being completely consumed by the mix of pain and pleasure.

Donghyuck keeps abusing that certain spot with precision, aiming for Renjun’s climax as the goal. His back was scratched and probably red all over thanks to Renjun holding onto it.

Not enough. Donghyuck knows what Renjun truly wants. His hands that are on Renjun’s waist suddenly burn. If he waits for the right moment…

His hips snapped forward, the wet sound of the slapping echoed in his ears as he buried his fat cock all the way in. Donghyuck groans and fall right into Renjun’s neck once again, pulling out almost all the way to piston back into him like an animal. It feels like being used and Renjun takes it all. By the way Renjun tightens, his body convulses and his back arches, Donghyuck knows. 

As soon as Renjun opens his mouth to tell him, Donghyuck knows.

And he also knows exactly what he needs to do for Renjun to never forget this.

Donghyuck’s hands shot up, fingers wrapping against Renjun’s throat. The unexpected movement makes Renjun open wide with shock, lust and then a terrifying understanding. A broken moan escapes his throat when he feels he can’t breathe. Donghyuck thrusts, then lets his neck free, then chokes him again. The initial pressure is light, but his hands tighten around by every thrust. Renjun can’t think about anything else but the pleasure that brings the exact moment in which Donghyuck’s dick brushes that spot that makes him scream and his hands tightening around his neck.

The lack of air and the assault of his prostate make his body feel everything at once. Pain, pleasure, euphoria. “You like that, don’t you?” Donghyuck whispers in his ear, voice low. “You like being choked while taking my dick like a good boy?”

His toes curl with pleasure, crying and noding while his whole world is narrowed down to taking whatever Donghyuck can give him. 

With a brutal thrust, Donghyuck slams into Renjun’s prostate and Renjun explodes with a strangled scream tearing from his lips and his whole body seizes, back arching as thick ropes of cum shoot from his untouched dick, painting his stomach and chest white all over. He cums so hard it leaves him trembling and sobbing, clenching and milking Donghyuck’s cock deep inside him, clearly overstimulated.

Donghyuck lets go of Renjun’s throat and the sudden entrance of air to his lungs makes him cough and choke, chest up and down trying to fill his lungs again, the new intrusion making him feel impossibly tight. With his face buried on Renjun’s neck, Donghyuck comes and fills the condom with a guttural sound, hips jerk erratically as he empties himself inside of Renjun.

With a sweaty mess of limbs, ragged breaths and Donghyuck’s weight on top of him, the warm of their bodies is the only comfort.

“I don’t think we can go back from this.” Renjun says.

And Donghyuck feels the same. He would do it all over again if it meant to make Renjun his like this.