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Truthfully, Ena had always had doubts. She would never have admitted it, of course. Despite her great curiosity and her small tendency to make one or two somewhat heavy jokes, she had a strong sense of what privacy should be like regarding certain topics. On some occasions it was something she would have only talked about with Airi during their middle school years, because trust rose to another level once their friendship became solid. But beyond that… it was something she avoided; she avoided asking, avoided thinking, or avoided talking about it.
Maybe it wasn’t something she was fully conscious of, but at least it wasn’t a topic that came out of her mouth. But Ena had always had doubts. Sometimes, when she looked into Mizuki’s eyes during each of their shopping trips, that doubt would assault her, seize her heart from the inside and from there open a curiosity that ran straight to her head. But no.
She wasn’t going to talk about it.
Or at least she would try.
I mean, maybe she would talk about it, if it weren’t on her own initiative.
That is, OBVIOUSLY only if she were asked.
“Ena, listen to me! Do you really not think it’s extremely obvious?” Mizuki’s voice pulled her back to reality. The bright sunlight stopped feeling blurry and distant, and her eyes focused on the other girl’s light pink eyes. Mizuki was here, with her, and even so she couldn’t stop her mind from circling around what she avoided mentioning. They had gone out once again to have coffee, as they had started doing some time ago, ending up in a nearby park that had somehow turned into their small spot for casual conversations, or in this case, small gossip.
“The thing with Kanade and Mafuyu?” Ena said tentatively, in case she had lost the thread of the conversation they had just been having. The conversation that made her get lost in her thoughts. Damn it.
“The thing with Kanade and Mafuyu, of course!” Mizuki replied almost instantly, raising her voice with a playful tone at the end. “God, it couldn’t have been more obvious! I can’t believe I didn’t realize sooner.” Her eyes closed, and she put her pale hand on her chin, adopting a rule-like thoughtful pose. “I mean, I suspected a little. I thought there were feelings, but they’re both so mild and serious that it’s hard to tell.”
“Completely unlike you, clearly…” Ena said with a poker face before continuing. “You know, you’re actually pretty bad at reading people’s feelings when it comes to love.” She said it a bit haughtily, hoping that comment would stir her mind a little in regard to other topics. “For someone who’s so good at reading other people’s emotions and the atmosphere, one would think it would have been obvious to you that their relationship was changing.”
Mizuki was left slightly open-mouthed and couldn’t help feeling extremely perceived. Weird. She shifted back a bit in her seat, with a slightly comedic timing that made Ena blow air through her nose somewhere between laughter and annoyance. “Okay… I mean, Ena, one can think a lot about the relationships other people have with each other, but it’s harder to assume!”
God… Ena really AVOIDED these topics. They opened a part of her that embarrassed her. Still, raising an eyebrow and with a small blush almost imperceptible under the orange light surrounding them, she shot back, unable to hide a slight hesitation: “What do you mean by assuming?”
Mizuki looked at her for a long moment, then directed her eyes toward the scenery around them. A small upward glance, rolling her eyes to the left while thinking deeply. “Uhmmm… give me a moment.”
Ena couldn’t stand what this whole exchange was doing to her. With Mizuki, these topics didn’t come up much. I mean, they had so many things to talk about that it was hard to stop on just one, on top of all those conversations that were born from the work they did together in the creative process of Niigo’s videos. Sometimes Mizuki would refer to love-related topics, but always when it involved external people, asking her if she’d seen how her brother and Toya had held hands that day or how An talked incessantly about Kohane, using her crushes as a source of entertainment.
But never about her own feelings, or whether she liked someone. Not even asking if Ena herself was interested in someone. In truth, all of their conversations related to love had always been very superficial, and this was the first time they were discussing something deeper.
“Alright, I think I know how to say it now,” Mizuki spoke, with a sweet voice that ended in a smile. “Look, people have all kinds of relationships.” She raised both index fingers, illustrating her example. “And affinities of all kinds, of course. When two people get along extremely well, people tend to think that necessarily those people like each other.” She brought both fingers together. Then she undid the gesture in the air, opening her hands carefree with a laugh on her face. “But that’s not necessarily true.”
Ena opened her eyes and then nodded slowly. But she couldn’t help pushing back a little. “Sure, it’s true that it’s not always true. But still, it happens so often. Enough for it to be normal to think so, right?”
“Exactly!” Mizuki grabbed her question as if someone had thrown her a perfect pass to continue her argument. “That’s exactly the point: it’s normal to think it. But you can ignore a lot about people by what you tend to assume.” Ena thought to herself that Mizuki’s sweetness appeared in moments like these, without stopping paying attention to her words.
“For example, imagine that a person has people they get along with. But there’s someone who gets on their nerves, someone they constantly argue with or get angry at very easily. They can have debates, discussions, and everyone on the outside might think they hate each other.” A mischievous smile appeared on her face as she put her hand to her mouth along with a small giggle. “But in reality… what no one knows is that they share a deep and forbidden love that no one knows about, because they don’t have the eye to see the deep intimacy that exists between them.”
“Hey, I think the last episode of Magical Girl Lala left your brain damaged,” Ena interrupted the flow of words and fantasies Mizuki had gotten lost in, waving her hand in front of her enchanted face. It was true that this happened. God, Mafuyu stole her calm in an extraordinary way with the frustration she made her feel sometimes, and for that very reason Airi had teased her about liking her. But from those things to the deep passion Mizuki described there was a big difference, influenced as she was by the series she had talked to Ena about for hours the night before.
“Ahh… it’s just that you don’t understand Mia’s character and her depth…” Mizuki shot back quickly, with a snort of superiority and a wink. “But anyway. Let’s not get lost.” She picked up the thread of the previous conversation, her pale hand on her cheek and strands of pink hair fluttering around her face due to the occasional wind.
“Here’s another example.” Mizuki cleared her throat. “Let’s say a person has a friend whom they love with all their heart and they have the best dynamic in the world. Now everyone around them might think they like each other, but if their feelings are one hundred percent platonic, this can create pressure that just because they’re compatible they must BE together. That’s not fair.”
A strong heartbeat. Ena knew where it came from, because her heart sank at the same time her ears buzzed slightly upon hearing the last words that came out of the redhead’s mouth. She didn’t know why those words affected her more than they should have, but she did know that her mind, without meaning to, put them in that situation: two people who get along well, absolutely well, with a lot of compatibility, but who stayed only in friendship. In the platonic.
That couldn’t be so terrible… right?
She pulled herself together a bit, not wanting to leave the conversation hanging. The doubt, now more than ever, was killing her. What did she feel? Her mind filled with questions.
Is that what you think of us? she thought to herself.
“I guess so, it’s not fair,” she said with a certain melancholy, avoiding looking at Mizuki for a second, lowering her gaze to her own hands for a moment, which rested on her lap tighter than she realized. She took a deep breath, trying to keep everything she felt inside. She avoided this topic with Mizuki because everything was about to explode, to explode inside her and leave her a mess just like she had been since her feelings for her kept growing. She avoided this topic because she knew that once, at some point, their eyes met, the doubt would burst in her throat and she would ask her directly, without beating around the bush, without wasting more time.
And that’s what happened.
“Do you like someone?” Ena blurted out.
And silence reigned for a solid few seconds.
“Huh?”
“If you like someone, Mizuki.”
“Wow, hey, Enanan! You’re very bold,” she said in a nervous, evasive and flirtatious tone all at once. “I thought we were talking about Kanade and Mafuyu…”
“Yes, that’s true,” Ena said, blushing, wondering if it was obvious how her face burned and her heart ached a little. The sun was already almost completely set, and she hoped the dim darkness would hide the bright red of her cheeks and ears. “But I don’t know! All this topic… all this about not assuming made me think!” she snapped irritably.
“It’s okay, it’s okay…” Mizuki said conciliatorily, her hands gently approaching Ena’s shoulders. “Okay, it’s just that I’m not used to these kinds of things… Besides, why do you want to know?” The question sounded genuine, with a clear but low voice, and it resonated in Ena’s ears. What could she say now? The truth?
The truth was Ena had always had doubts. She would never have admitted it, of course.
“I don’t know…” The short-haired girl stopped and moved slightly away from the hands approaching her, looking at the ground and focusing on her trembling feet. “I mean, they’re things you supposedly talk about between friends,” she made up quickly. “I mean, I don’t usually talk about it much with friends. With Airi, maybe. I believe in privacy and all that. That’s why you don’t have to tell me anything, I’d understand, you know I would. But somehow I hoped you’d say it someday or refer to it.” Her voice began to speed up little by little, and her tone sounded more urgent with each word. “Just… if you don’t want to tell me, just tell me that. Either way, I think I already know.”
“Huh?” Mizuki was getting more and more confused. How could Ena know who she liked? She got nervous, maybe just as nervous as the small brown-eyed girl who was avoiding her gaze at that moment. Still, being honest was something that was hard for Mizuki. It wasn’t that she liked lying or hiding. It was so natural for her to dodge her true feelings that she couldn’t imagine that for someone else they might be clearer than for herself. “But what do you think you know? Ena… have you been spying on me? Maybe you hit your head on an espionage mission, because I don’t know what you’re talking about!” She laughed.
“Come on, I know you like Rui!” Ena finally looked in her direction, her piercing eyes meeting Mizuki’s.
Wow. Mizuki had to admit that when Ena got like that, an unsettling sensation ran down her spine, as if she weakened when Ena decided to confront her. The power she was gaining over her was starting to show, and it scared her. But even so, she couldn’t help focusing on what Ena had said so confidently.
“Rui?”
“Yes, Rui!” Ena spoke accusingly. This was no longer a doubt for her; it had turned into a reality just by considering a possible rejection. “I know you’ve liked him for a long time, you know? And I know you were best friends in middle school and that you still get together to make costumes for his weird robots and that he…” She stopped for a moment. “Ah…” Her energy dissipated, as if a breath of reason had entered her head when she realized she was being unreasonable and jealous. “I mean… I know he’s always been there for you when you needed him, I know he was your first emotional support when certain things happened… I know that—” She interrupted herself with a defeated sigh. “I know he’s an important and special person to you, you know? And I can notice the way you look at each other.” Ena looked into Mizuki’s eyes once more, as if she wanted to pierce her soul by force, even if only for a second. “I can notice the way you look at him.”
Mizuki felt trapped in that gaze, stunned by how her eyes could be so captivating and at the same time make her blood turn cold in seconds. All of that, everything that had come out of Ena’s mouth, was too much for her brain. Without looking away, her body shifted nervously in the chair. And she couldn’t understand how her Ena could be so clumsily stubborn when she had an idea in her head.
“Do you really think I like him?”
“Of course I think so! I know it!” Ena roared. “I wish you had told me yourself! Ugh, aren’t we friends?” Ena only thought that if she confirmed her suspicions and could hear the truth from Mizuki, all of this would be easier. Being her friend, staying in the platonic, would be easier if she didn’t have hope.
Mizuki stopped.
She thought for a second; it felt eternal.
“Ena, Rui is not the person I like,” she said in a calm, velvety voice.
“Huh?”
“What was it I just said about not assuming?”
Ena registered it clearly, because when she thought about that situation her heart broke a little: Let’s say a person can have a friend… whom they love with all their heart and have the best dynamic in the world.
Ah… that could be us, she thought.
Now everyone around them may think they like each other, but if their feelings are one hundred percent platonic this can create pressure that just because they’re compatible they must BE together!
That’s not fair.
All of that felt like someone had cracked an egg on her forehead, the cold liquid sliding down her warm head like an uncomfortable truth you don’t want to acknowledge. Wow, Ena knew she wasn’t the best person when it came to following social norms. She could make certain assumptions about certain topics, and when something got stuck in her head it could be hard for her to change her mind.
However, she wasn’t stubborn beyond reason. And she realized she was doing exactly what Mizuki had told her was, without a doubt, something unfair… Why should she believe she had the right to talk about someone else’s feelings? The feelings of her Mizuki?
“Sorry…” The tension in the air broke when that small voice finally decided to come out of her throat. She looked toward the opposite side of the bench. “Now I see what you mean…”
“Yeah…” Mizuki moved a little closer to Ena on the seat they shared. She didn’t quite know what to do with her hands, or if she was allowed to get closer to Ena to comfort her the way she truly wanted to. She wondered if the reason for her slight dejection was the one she suspected. Just the idea of that could make her heart melt, her hands tingle and her cheeks turn rosy, beautifully matching her eyes and the moonlight now above them.
“Although,” Mizuki’s slender hands rested on Ena’s thigh, making her tense for a second. Her skin was soft, and cold from the wind that had begun to blow with the arrival of night. “There is someone I like.”
Ena turned her head. Their gazes collided.
For both of them it was impossible to describe that moment.
They had always had a certain kind of connection; there was no doubt about that. Always, even when they had quarrels, even when one teased the other. Even when they were silent, talking, far apart or close. There was something between them that made them flutter toward each other, searching and finding one another like magnetism.
Maybe neither of them would have said it out loud, nor would anyone around them have mentioned it in their presence.
But in that moment that connection materialized in a sway of emotions emanating from the sweetness held in their eyes as they faced one another, from that small and cautious skin-to-skin touch when Mizuki’s hand traveled along her thigh and then took Ena’s hand. Which heart was going to explode first?
“And you?” Mizuki asked, in a thread of a voice, with the face of a small frightened deer.
Ena could feel those eyes, oh, those eyes… piercing her soul.
“Yes…”
And if there were someone in the world who could feel the emotion Mizuki felt upon hearing those words, they would die as the happiest person in the world.
She squeezed Ena’s hand under her touch, emphasizing the pressure, as if trying to share those feelings that were blooming in her chest as if something had been released—something she might not even have been ready to face—but she felt blissful. She looked at Ena and felt as if she were seeing her for the first time, under a moon that illuminated her tender red cheeks and her furrowed brow full of emotion.
Ena made a small pout, leaning toward her.
And she brought her face closer to Mizuki’s in a slow but firm gesture, holding her gaze tightly until she closed her eyes just a few centimeters away from her. It was only a few seconds, but it felt like slow motion that steals your breath. And when their lips brushed, an electric sensation ran through her body, her pulse disordered and her breathing uneven. A warmth spread through their entire bodies. It was short and unexpected, just a few seconds. When they pulled apart, Ena half-opened her eyes, afraid she had made a bad decision, that she had misread the moment and forced her feelings onto Mizuki once again.
But all she found was her Mizuki’s enchanted face, her rosy cheeks, a tender gaze and a warm smile.
She smiled. Truthfully, if Ena had known that talking about that doubt that assaulted her heart—even in the clumsiest way possible—would result in things turning out like this, she would have done it much sooner. Although all moments with Mizuki felt like the right moments.
“So…” Mizuki broke the spell of that comfortable silence after her confession.
“Yes?” Ena replied, looking at her closely with a smile.
“So, should I assume you’re jealous?”
“Oh, come on!” Ena went from a light, delicate red on her cheeks to tomato red, and she tossed her hand toward Mizuki’s face to push her away in embarrassment. Mizuki burst into maniacal laughter upon seeing Ena so flustered. The brunette tried to stand up from the bench to escape the teasing, so Mizuki held onto her as tightly as possible, repeating that it was just a joke.
Faced with such tussling and playfulness, even Ena gave in to laughter and giggles. And she sincerely hoped they could keep laughing like this every night, as they always had.
Kanade opened the refrigerator with a calm expression, looking somewhat disinterestedly for a dairy drink Mafuyu had saved for her when she got home. “So… do you think it was really obvious?” she asked as she took out the drink and, opening the cap, looked at the girl beside her while taking a sip.
“The thing with Mizuki and Ena?” Mafuyu replied in a flat voice, indistinguishable as to whether it was apparent disinterest in the topic or simply the obviousness of the matter.
“Yes…” Kanade closed the refrigerator and walked toward the couch, with Mafuyu following behind to sit beside her. Once settled, Kanade could feel the weight of Mafuyu’s head on her shoulder and leaned her own into the cuddle. “Honestly, I feel a bit silly for not realizing sooner…”
“If I’m honest, I suspected a little,” Mafuyu commented decisively, without giving it much importance. “It was only a matter of time.”
Kanade put on a sweet expression and chuckled softly, closing her eyes and surrendering to the warmth emanating from her beloved’s body.
“Heh… I guess so.”