Archive of Our Own ^beta

Charlie sighed as her father and Alastor started fighting. Again. Really, would those two ever get along? Just as she was about to go intervene, she caught the narrow eyed look her girlfriend was giving them, "Vaggi?"

The former Exorcist looked her way and smiled, "I have an idea."

***

"What?!" Both men looked at them in bewilderment and mild offense.

"Sorry, sir," Vaggi started, her attention on Lucifer, "But I figured you would rather hear it now before it got too noticeable. I mean, I'm sure you do your best, but wing maintenance is hard to do alone, I get it."

"I can handle it alone just fine! I can make clones for that, see?" A snap of his fingers and a double appeared in a classic barber's outfit, the clone giving a cheeky grin and showy bow before vanishing again.

"Dad, I love you," Charlie gave him a sympathizing look, "But how often have you and your clones gotten distracted with something halfway through?"

"Er…"

"See!" She turned her attention so he wouldn't get so embarrassed that he ran off, "And then there's your hooves, Al! I saw what they looked like when you kicked off your shoes so Niffty could polish the leather. Yours aren't bad, but they could use some help."

"And you want him to help me?!" They said in unison, pointing at each other.

Al scoffed, "Please, like it's that hard to take care of feathers. What, afraid I'll hurt your delicate dainty wings?"

"Hey! My wings aren't dainty like your antlers, pal! Besides, who the fuck doesn't know how to do proper hoof care? I bet I'd do such a good job fixing yours that even you'd have to show some gratitude for once in your miserable sinner existence!"

Charlie and Vaggi clapped their hands together at the same time, the Princess grinning bright, "Great! It's settled then! We already have supplies set up in one of the empty hotel rooms for you guys so you don't have to stress about being in one person's space or the other!"

They stilled, staring at them. Lucifer blinked before hesitantly speaking, "Char, sweetie, you can't be serious. You mean now? Like right now, as in  -"

"Yes, sir!" Vaggi held out a key, her own smile more daring for either of them to argue with her than anything actually friendly, "No time like the present, since you both seem so set on proving who can do a better job, right?"

Alastor, who would rather eat his own shoes than appear in any sort of agreement with Lucifer Morningstar, sniffed haughtily as he snatched the key from her and stiffly marched for the stairs, "Come now, sire, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner these two will cease pushing and we can go back to keeping a body's distance between us. Mine, not yours as that would be horrendously close."

"Ha! You wish my body was that close!"

Charlie cringed, "Do you think Dad even realizes how that sounded?"

Vaggi shook her head and held her hands up as she walked in the opposite direction, "Nope, and I'm not telling him. I'm going to see what the betting odds are on if they make it through the whole thing without killing each other."

"Vaggi! We aren't supposed to be encouraging that!" She hesitated when her girlfriend looked at her with a raised brow, "... put a thousand on them actually managing to get through it without damaging anything."

"Babe, you have way too much faith in them."

"Vaggi, if I don't, then who will?"

***

Alastor knew they were being played. Charlie and Vaggi were not nearly subtle enough for an Overlord of his standing to be blind to their game. However…

Glancing over towards where the King of Hell was grumbling and muttering under his breath as he looked over the supplies the young women had bought, the sinner couldn't help feeling the tiniest bit grateful that they had given him an in. Certainly the fallen angel was a bit of an idiot, arrogant, tactless, and all around a disappointment when it came to the image Alastor had built up in his mind. And yet, in spite of all that, there was still strength under the awkward bumbling. Really, why not take this chance to get his hands on one of the signs of that power? Perhaps he could even filch a feather or twelve! Who knew what sort of spell component those could make, or how much stronger a puppet that had one of them at its core would be?

If nothing else, it would be worth it to find out if those feathers were as soft and smooth as they looked.

"I can feel you staring, you glorified antenna."

Alastor grinned wide, pretending to not care that he'd been caught, "So glad that your peripheral vision works even in your old age, sire!"

Fully red eyes turned his way, the heat and anger within them nearly tangible, "I would love nothing more than to show you what someone as old as me is capable of doing to your ass!"

… "I do believe you meant to add 'beat' or 'kick' in there somewhere."

A blink had the red returning just to the centers of the little King's confused eyes, "Huh?"

"Never mind," Alastor waved away the unintentional innuendo. How Lucifer was so unaware of how he sounded when someone as generally avoidant as him of so much as thinking along those lines could catch the potential double meaning was beyond him. "Well, age before beauty! Let's get started on those giant feather dusters!"

Lucifer frowned, "One, did you just call me ugly in a shitty sneaky way?! I'm the original tempter, I'll have you know!" He huffed before pointing at the sinner's shoe-covered feet, "And two, it would be better to get those out of the way first. It'll be quick and that way they'll be taken care of when the two of us get too sick of each other to finish with my wings."

That made some sense. It also was a surprising show of caring that he would want to make sure Alastor's hooves were done before they likely had to quit since they couldn't actually do any serious damage to each other and would end up destroying the room if not a large chunk of the hotel in the attempt to.

Or maybe it was just so he could tell Charlie that he'd completed his task while Alastor couldn't…

With a haughty sniff and resolving to ensure that Lucifer's wings would be practically glowing by the time he was done, the sinner went to sit on one of the chairs in the room before a hand was held up, "No way am I kneeling in front of you, Bambi! Get on the bed."

"P-pardon?!"

A dark brow rose, Lucifer's expression supremely unimpressed, "Did I stutter?" As Alastor continued to stare at him, he seemed to actually realize what the problem was and flailed, "Not like that! You're cute, but not that cute!" His teeth clicked shut as he caught what he'd said and turned away to hide his blush, "Just go sit against the headboard or something, and take your shoes off, dammit!"

Lucifer… thought he was cute?! Alastor wasn't entirely sure what to do with that information, so he did something he normally wouldn't have and simply did as Lucifer had said. He watched as the fallen angel snatched up several items and sat near his hooves, refusing to look him in the face. Picking one up in a surprisingly gentle hold, Lucifer studied the red keratin on the cloven hoof, brow furrowing as he frowned, "Okay, I see what Charlie was talking about now, though it's worse than she thinks."

Alastor's ears went low as he glared, "I keep them trimmed! Just because I don't do fancy polish and waxing -"

A hand was held up. The sinner would have ignored that, but the look Lucifer was giving him wasn't smug, or condescending, or pitying. That made him curious enough to let the other man talk, "I'm not…" there was a sigh, "You wear shoes a lot, don't you? Do you ever go without, aside from sleeping?"

He didn't see what that had to do with anything but, "Sometimes, yes?"

That got a glance, "I'm willing to bet in someplace pretty damp, right? The keratin in your hooves stays too wet. That's making them soft and prone to cracking." Lucifer let go of his ankle and started untying his own shoes, "You sinners have really weird ideas about your bodies and that looking like a prey animal from earth means the person is weak. That's why you keep them hidden. The less you show the deer features, the less you have to deal with everyone out there judging and mocking you, right?"

Yes, but Alastor wasn't about to admit to that point blank.

One boot dropped to the floor and though the King's shoes weren't very long in the first place, seeing him without them highlighted just how tiny his feet were, "I dealt with a lot of the same sort of judgey bullshit, so I get it. I even made some special socks so I could avoid the problem with closed shoes and moisture." Lucifer peeled off the thick black sock and showed the cloven hoof of his foot, "Can you see the difference between yours and mine? Aside from the size, smartass!"

Damn him for catching the obvious joke. Alastor leaned in to look closer, adjusting his monocle to better see the details. While yes, there was clearly polish and wax and all sorts of extra work with the smaller hoof, it was also obvious there was a difference to the base of it all. He'd never really paid close attention to the little cracks riddling his own hooves. It had never really caused much issue. There was never any pain or weakness, so he had assumed there was nothing to be concerned with.

From the way Lucifer was speaking of it, perhaps he had been wrong.

"Look, I know you'll probably have a hard time believing I'm being genuine here since we get along like nitrous and glycerin with how we are both petty assholes -"

Alastor nearly interrupted with an offended denial that he was anything like the failure of a King, but the seriousness of Lucifer's expression made him halt the response long enough to recognize it was true. With anyone else he would have proudly claimed the distinction, he had just spent so long now in this game of one upmanship that he had developed automatic reactions.

"- but I'm also the sort of person where if I decide to do something, I want to do it right. Getting your hooves into a better state is going to take more than one afternoon."

Eugh. That was where he thought that was leading.

"Yeah yeah, don't look too excited." Sighing and rubbing the back of his neck, Lucifer looked up at the ceiling, "The thing is, if those get infected? It doesn't matter how fast your healing or regeneration is. Don't know what it is about Hell bacteria, but not much can touch it. The cold in your shadows is probably what's kept it from setting in so far, it's not something most Hellish things are made to handle. But if it does take hold, even those won't kill it off again."

Alastor sneered, "What? Talking from experience, are we?"

"Yes."

He blinked. That… was not what he was expecting.

When Alastor remained silent for long enough, Lucifer looked at him with a raised brow, "Ten thousand years in this pit is a long time and depression isn't something I got yesterday. I've experienced just about everything this place can do to a person. Hoof falling apart from infection? Not something I would have wished even on Adam."

The sinner grimaced. That bad, huh? "I suppose I can trust your word on that. What do you propose then?"

"Well I'm sure you'd rather not have to deal with me touching you too much, and I'm…" the smaller man sighed, "I'll admit, a big part of why I asked to do your hooves first is that I'm not used to anyone else messing with my wings anymore. I'm… not sure how long I'll be able to handle it."

Alastor felt a little surprised at the admittance and the fact that his guess on the motive had been so far off. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion, "You are being awfully forthcoming with someone that you regularly threaten to punt across the city."

Lucifer snorted, "We both know I can't actually do it, much as I want to sometimes. Figure if I'm going to get you to agree to let me help you get your hooves squared away, treating you like a friend rather than the annoying pain in the ass that you are seemed like the best idea. It's not like I'm giving away any huge secrets or anything."

"Yes, well you have a pretty bad habit of doing that too."

"Oh fuck off. Look, let's see if we can do shorter sessions every week or so? That should make it so we can make progress with both and still not have to breathe the same air for long enough that we end up blowing the hotel to smithereens just to get some distance between us."

"Fine, but we aren't telling Charlie." Alastor could already hear her squealing about friendship and bonding while throwing sparkling rainbows everywhere. From the way Lucifer grimaced and nodded, he had similar thoughts on her reactions. "Now, show me what I'm dealing with with your wings." The dubious look he got was offensive, "I've aided Husker at times when he got into nasty fights."

"That's the bartender, right? At least that explains why you act so confident about knowing what to do. Sinner hellforms and angelic wings are different, but you should at least have a grasp of the basics I guess."

"Such confidence and faith that you have in me, sire!"

"Smartass."

"Better than being a dumb one! Now, quit stalling."

***

"Hey, Charlie? Did your Dad or Alastor ever bring back that room key?"

"... uuuhhh, no? I'll see if Dad just forgot when I see him next."

"Alright." Vaggi smirked and leaned against Charlie's side, one of her wings wrapping around the blond, "Seems like you were right, babe. Don't know how far they got, but they were in there a bit and nothing got blown -ack!"

Charlie startled at the squawk and looked at Vaggi in concern, "What's wrong?! You alright?"

The shorter woman had a confused expression, studying the wing she'd had around Charlie, "Felt like something pulled one of my damn feathers out!"

An inky puddle slipped away unseen, its mission complete.

***

Alastor studied the feathers he'd managed to sneak off with. Thankfully the King hadn't wanted anything more done with his wings today than simply righting any twisted feathers and helping to free the loose ones. He hadn't really been bluffing, he had assisted Husk a few times with his wings, but he'd spent more time mocking the feline than actually helping. Looking at the vast expanse of red and white plumage earlier today had made the task feel far more daunting than he'd initially believed. However, the deer would rather chew his own hoof off than admit to anything less than full confidence in his abilities in front of the Sin of Pride. So, he had to use other methods of gaining information on what he was dealing with. While he'd only gotten one feather from Vaggi, it was still clear to him there was a difference between hers and Lucifer's. Though the coloring was not nearly so bright, there was a sheen to hers that was missing from the King's white and red ones. Also it seemed the strands, whatever those were called, were not nearly so soft and flexible as the grey-striped one.

Now that he had these, he needed someone he'd trust to tell him what books actually had good information so he could understand what the differences meant. Hell's publishing companies gave little care about substance so long as the material sold and he wouldn't have any idea how to tell what was truth and what was just written to draw the ignorant masses in and tantalize the myriad crude minds with made-up erotic information.

There was only one person in the city that he knew wouldn't give him false leads for the most part, it was just a matter of getting his foot in the door since he was currently not in Rosie's good graces. Alastor wasn't sure what she'd expected when she left him so hobbled, especially with him being in the same building as the King of Hell! She knew how he'd have felt if Lucifer found out about that weakness, so of course he'd go to extreme lengths with that sort of motivation to gain the upper hand on her!

Rosie had a few weaknesses of her own, though, and Alastor was certain he could catch her interest long enough to get her to agree to a simple swap of non-critical information.

The next morning found him at the boundary of Cannibal Town with Rosie giving him a judgemental and unimpressed look, "Well, didn't think I'd be seein' your sorry hide so soon."

"I'm certain that is true, dear lady, but you know as well as I that this city sorely lacks in witty conversational partners! You had to know I would turn up eventually given your gift of clever gab!"

Black eyes narrowed at him, "Look at you layin' on the compliments. Whadya want, brat?"

Alastor shrugged, "Just some book recommendations. A trifle, really!"

"Uh huh," she turned away, waving him off. "Go bother someone who actually wants to talk to you. I got actual customers to -"

"~I don't come empty haaanded!~" He sang out playfully, grinning when she stopped and glanced back over her shoulder curiously. Alastor turned his own gaze to his claws, "Although I suppose you might not care just how ridiculous Husker's pining has gotten for the spider since he left the hotel."

He could see from the corner of his eye that she had stiffened. Time for the next breadcrumb, "Plus dear Vaggi has been a right mess over her gift for her anniversary with Charlie even though it's a whole two months away still!"

Her eyes twitched and her fingers curled into fists.

"Niffty has a boyfriend."

Rosie whirled around, wide-eyed, "What?! You gotta be jokin'! Tell me everythin'!"

Bingo!

***

Alastor ensured his tone was light and casual, his eyes on the ceiling so he didn't have to deal with the odd feelings of watching someone obviously trying to be so careful with his hooves, "You know, I decided to do a bit of reading since our last meeting."

"Oh yeah? Is that why I smelled smoke in the library?"

Fine, if Lucifer wanted to be a smartass, then Alastor wasn't going to be nice about this, "It isn't just that you and your clones get distracted before being done with preening, is it?" The filing motions and sounds stopped. The sinner was sure for most people that would be a sign to tread carefully or avoid the subject, but since when did he do as most people did? "I've been trying to figure out if it's only lack of care about your own health since you certainly can't claim ignorance, or if some of your hesitancy with my aid is because you are among the Fallen that see it as something of an intimacy meant for one's closest family or spouses. I'm certain Vagatha doesn't, or else she likely would have never suggested such an activity be handled by yours truly! I wonder how awful and scandalized she would feel if I told her that some of the older -"

POOF!

Lucifer disappeared in a red mist a bit more suddenly than Alastor had honestly expected. He hadn't even gotten to use any of the good bits he'd planned for this conversation! Had that particular book been more truthful than he realized and not a prank on Rosie's part as an attempt to embarrass him? Or more aptly, it was meant to embarrass him in a different manner than he thought.

…

If it was actually true, why in the devil had the Devil even agreed to this in the first place?!

***

"Ha! I knew you were lyin', brat!"

Alastor glared at her, "You tricked me?"

"Nah! Not entirely," Rosie grinned, "If you were bein' honest about why you needed those books, there woulda been nothin' to worry about since Charlie and her girlie are already together. So givin' the Princess that one woulda just made you look extra golden and carin' about her to rub it in the King's face that you helped so well. Buuut -"

He looked away, his ears flat back, "If I was lying about which angel, you'd get the amusement of embarrassing me."

"Bingo, bucko!" She giggled and put her chin in her hand, "So, you gonna tell me now what you're doin' with the King that involves you gettin' to help him with his wings?"

Sighing, he did, though he kept certain irrelevant details out. Simply for expediency's sake, not because he felt concerned over sharing anything about the pain Lucifer must have gone through in learning about what could happen with cracked hooves. By the time he got done, her amused grin had dropped and she looked stunned. "... holy shit."

Alastor tilted his head, "What?"

Rosie got to her feet, looking around the Emporium, "Ladies and gentlemen, I do apologize, but I need to close up early for a priority meetin' with my fellow Overlord here." She gave them all a bright grin, "Gitcher cute tushes outta here and skedaddle!"

Everyone tittered and laughed at her playful demeanor, the lady of this town easily manipulating the residents, who then in turn took care of all the non-residents. Soon enough the building was empty, leaving Alastor staring up at the woman with dread, "I do not know that I care to pay for whatever it is you wish to say, my dear."

"Good thing for you this one is on the house then, darlin'!" She sat on the edge of the table with a wide grin, "Sounds like you might have caught the King's eye, and that means bein' your friend just got even more valuable!"

***

Alastor wasn't sure what to expect when the weekly meetup came around. He was still having a hard time grasping the idea that Rosie thought the King might…

"Oh, good! I was worried you weren't going to come after… er…"

Seemed Lucifer felt just as awkward as him. "Yes, well it seems I may have… made assumptions on several things and made things -"

"Shhhh!" The blond flailed, "Leeet's not do this in the hallway, okay? Okay!"

Opening the door to the room they had yet to return the key back to Charlie, he motioned the sinner inside. Feeling a bit like he was heading to the chopping block, Alastor did what he did best and pretended he had everything under control. Shadow-slipping inside, he rematerialized on the chair like he had been waiting for Lucifer to join him. Appearances were important and could ensure one remained on top of any given situation.

Even if the situation involved the serpent of Eden potentially having… interest in oneself. It had been days since Rosie laid out the reasoning behind her suspicion and he still had no clue how to respond if it turned out she was right.

Lucifer shut the door, then remained there with his hand on the doorknob for a few seconds. When he finally turned to face Alastor, they spoke at the same time, trying to break the awkward silence.

"Look, Bambi -"

"You know, I -"

They stopped, staring at each other before sputtering into laughter. Lucifer was the first to manage to speak again, "I, uh, know I took off rather suddenly last week -"

"You ran faster than people flocked to the bars at the end of the Prohibition!"

"Ha. Ha. You know, for a self-proclaimed host, you really don't make talking to you easy."

Alastor shrugged, "Most with sufficient intellect find me to be a delightful conversationalist!"

Lucifer narrowed his eyes, studying him, "Either you just used fancy words to call me a moron, or Nancy's right."

He went still and wary. Given the little King's tendency to get names wrong but close, he had a suspicion he knew who he'd meant, "Niffty? And what, precisely, has that lady been saying?"

"That you treat me differently from others."

… It seemed he would need to have a few words with the little cyclops about her flights of fantasy regarding romanticizing things involving him. Alastor knew her well enough to be certain that was what she'd been implying. "I do believe at present we were discussing you and your running away last week?"

Lucifer narrowed his eyes, "That wasn't a denial."

No, it wasn't. Alastor didn't know what it was about the King, but he did treat him differently from anyone else who had become a thorn in his side. It wasn't simply the power difference, nor his title. However until he figured it out for himself, he was not discussing it with others, and most certainly not with Lucifer himself. It seemed he would need to do something a bit drastic to get the other man to let this go, "Well, since you keep stalling, I suppose I'll be the bigger man, not that much of a stretch really," his microphone played canned laughter, the usual prodding serving well to get the fallen angel annoyed and bristling with offense, "I believe I may have overstepped last week. I had reason to assume the book I had been given was a prank and thought I would simply fluster you."

Lucifer blinked, "Oh… you were only joking?"

Alastor nodded, "I did not realize there could actually be such a variance in culture with angels. I assumed everyone born from Heaven had the same social practices! Quite fascinating really. What caused the change?"

"You." The blond made a vague gesture towards the door, "Not sinners, obviously, but the ones that get to Heaven. Humans are a lot more casual about contact and offering aid with things than angels were. From what I hear, the younger choirs picked up the habit."

Huh. That did make some sense. Even though the number of sinners outpaced the so-called 'winners,' a substantial enough number of people bringing their own cultural norms into a community would have an effect upon the natives. "From the way you reacted, you still hold to the older traditions?"

Lucifer sighed and chose to sit on the edge of the bed instead of the chair that was closer to the deer, "I never really let anyone else touch my wings for long except…" he trailed off, his fingers twisting the ring on his other hand as was his habit when anything involving his ex-wife came up. "Well, there was only one person in Hell that I trusted with my wings."

Alastor leaned forward, gesturing at himself, "Then why did you agree to let me? Goodness knows you trust me about as far as you could probably throw Satan without magical aid."

That earned a snort, "That's farther than you think. You'd be surprised how much strength I have naturally, Bambi." He held up a hand to stop the coming retort, "Let me finish. Look, the thing is that I don't trust you with a lot of things, my daughter least of all. However, she does and she's been trying to get us to at least be civil and politely friendly all this time to the point that she and her girlfriend tried to corner us into assisting each other with grooming. How much farther will they up the ante from here?"

Alastor shuddered, imagining increasingly convoluted hijinks that the Princess would likely come up with in a manic fit when insomnia hit her next.

Lucifer pointed at his expression, "Exactly. So when you made a point of rising to the challenge, I figured if you were willing to go that far in humoring her, I could at least do the same. And that first day went… surprisingly well, overall. You were still an ass, but it wasn't quite the same as when we're in front of the others. You listened instead of talking over me, like you're doing now."

Alastor realized the other was correct. Their conversations had more of a civil tone without the others around, "I suppose we both have a tendency to become more defensive around an audience."

"Loathe as I am to admit it, we seem to have being prideful assholes in common."

"Ha! Being considered equally prideful as the very Sin himself! I do believe I shall take that as a compliment!"

"You would." Lucifer rolled his eyes, "The point is that I went into it thinking we'd just placate Charlie as best we could, but then I saw your hooves and I couldn't just ignore that. I had to recognize I saw you as someone that wasn't just another sinner, which meant somewhere deep down I cared. Which…"

Which meant there was more to their inability to ignore one another in proximity to each other than simply antagonistic anger.

"I spent the week after that trying to figure it out, and then you suddenly threw in my face the fact that you were aware that letting you touch my wings meant I have some sort of feelings… and I panicked. Your maid friend broke into my room two days ago, freaked me the hell out finding her sitting on top of one of my piles of ducks. How the fuck did she get in there?!"

Alastor shrugged, chuckling, "She's Niffty. If she wants to be somewhere, she gets there. I don't question it at this point."

Huffing, Lucifer ran his hand through his hair, "Well however she did it, she said that you were getting help figuring things out from someone else so she figured it was a good idea to help me."

Dammit all. That made it sound like she and Rosie were colluding.

Wait… where had Charlie and Vaggi gotten the idea to suggest this from? Was this all a setup because Niffty and Rosie were playing matchmakers?! If so, they'd been doomed from the start. Alastor swore to find some way to find out for certain and then get back at them for meddling with his affairs!

Something appearing in a swirl of red mist in his lap startled him out of his thoughts, the bundle of black fabric making him look at Lucifer in confusion. The other man was avoiding looking at him, "Figure you're probably not going to be comfortable with this anymore, so I made some socks like mine in your size and got some antibiotic powders that will keep your hooves from getting infected while the cracked layers grow out. We'll just give Charlie back the key and -"

"Considerate, but I don't care for the fact that assumptions are being made on my choices in this matter!" Sniffing disdainfully, Alastor glared, "I gave my word that I would ensure your wings were back to rights. If you think to make me look like such a blatant liar in front of dear Charlotte, you're more of a fool than I thought!"

Red flashed over Lucifer's eyes as he growled, "I'm not -" He stopped, eyes narrowing, "Wait, you're doing the thing she said you would, aren't you? Saying something in the most angering way possible to hide what you're really saying. Does that mean you don't want to stop?"

Static crackled around Alastor, "I'm going to throw that girl into the void one of these days."

The way Lucifer grinned bright did something to the sinner's stomach. Maybe he should have eaten something despite his lack of appetite this morning? "That wasn't a no."

No, it wasn't.

***

"Do you think we made things worse? It kind of feels like we might have made things worse!" Charlie was pacing, practically burning a hole in the carpet. The last few weeks had her Dad and Al acting weird around each other. They hadn't argued too much, which was great, but they kept avoiding each other too. Especially this last week or so, which made her think something really bad must have happened that they couldn't even be in the same room anymore.

"Pampering yourself isn't being weak or a sissy or whatever early 1900s toxic masculinity bullshit you got stuck in your brain, Bambi!"

Charlie froze mid-step as she and Vaggi looked towards the stairway where they could hear Lucifer's voice coming down from.

"Oh fuck you! Now I know you're just being ornery! You wore a damned nun's habit in front of me the first day we met! Like you really give a shit about gender conformity! My pink robe is comfortable as sin, and you're just jealous!"

Okay, that sounded kind of like them arguing and yet… not.

Vaggi grabbed her arm and yanked her to stand out of sight of the two men coming down the stairs.

Together.

Walking side by side without trying to trip or shove each other down!

"How about this? You try a spa day with me once, and if you honestly still think it has no good points, I'll get a whole herd of deer from Earth just for you!"

Alastor's grin and eyes both went wide with genuine delight, "With a prize like that, how can you be certain I won't lie?"

Lucifer shot him a look that Charlie didn't recognize, "I'll just have to trust your word."

A cackle left the Radio Demon before he shadow-slipped away. Her Dad waited a second before letting out a softly spoken swear and pulling out his phone. Curious and confused as hell, Charlie walked up to him, "Uh, Dad?"

Jolting, he yelped and fumbled with his phone, dropping it to the ground. She bent down to pick it up, catching sight of the text he had been sending Aunt Bee about the cost of getting live deer from the human world here. "Why are you having him go if you think he won't like it?"

A slight blush colored his cheeks as he took his phone back, "Uh, I d-don't? Think he won't like it, I mean. I just, um, y-you saw how excited he got, right? It feels kind of mean to dangle that in front of him and then not do it, you know?"

…

Speechless, Charlie stared for a long moment, long enough to make him extra nervous and he pointed randomly, "I'm just, uh, gonna go over, um, there somewhere. T-totally not avoiding any awkward conversations! See you later, sweetie! Bye!"

He vanished in a poof of red and she blinked, "Vaggi. Am I dreaming or is my Dad acting like he has a crush on Al?"

"~My two favorite bad boys, sitting in a tree,~" Niffty sang out from where she was dangling off the chandelier, a feather duster in hand, "~K-I-S-S-I~"

"Niff, no!" Husk yelled, "I do not need that goddamn image in my head!

***

A Couple Years Later

Charlie and Lucifer jumped when a familiar-looking basket was suddenly dropped in his lap, interrupting their conversation. She looked up to find Al giving her Dad a grumpy look. His hair was a bit longer and he'd stopped straightening it, opting for his more natural curls that she thought looked so much better, but the biggest difference was -

"My feet hurt and it's your fault, so you get to help deal with it!"

Lucifer blinked a couple times before looking at the demon with a sappy grin, picking up the basket of hoof grooming supplies. The items were fresh, but the basket itself was the same one she and Vaggi had put in the room for them years ago. "Of course, sweetheart. I love taking care of you, you know that!"

Al sniffed haughtily, turning his head to try to hide the way his smile went softer and more true, a hand going to his rounded stomach as he mock-grumbled "You better. You infected me with this blasted parasite, after all."

The fallen angel gave him a leering grin, "Hey, you weren't complaining when -"

"DAD!" Charlie nearly shrieked. She did not need to hear any details!

"Whoops! Uh, sorry, Char!" Lucifer grabbed Al's hand, leading him out, "Love you! See you later!"

"Love you too, both of you!" She called back before dropping her blushing face in her hands, "God, they are so embarrassing."

Vaggi laughed and nudged her, "Regretting helping them learn to get along, babe?"

Giving her angel a warm look, she shook her head, "Not a bit. I'm glad you thought of that idea."

Reaching for Charlie's hand, Vaggi rubbed her thumb over the wedding ring there affectionately, "I'm glad I overheard Niffty talking on the phone about being worried about Al's hooves."

Across the city, both Rosie and Niffty happily chatted away about the adorableness of their favorite couple in Hell.