Chapter Text
Chapter One
Mike Franks kicked his feet up on his desk and fumbled around for his lighter. His yellow-stained fingers moved quickly over the messy desk. Mike scowled to himself and then scowled again as Basement Dalton hurried into view, all shiny suit, polished shoes and fake-ass smile.
“Whatever you want, go to Mary Jo.” Mike patted himself down a second time, his unlit cigarette waggling from his lips as he spoke.
“It will only take a second, but I—.”
“Rando! You still got ya lighter? I can’t find my damn one again.”
“Boss?” Randy looked up from his computer, looking like he was about to kiss that electronic monstrosity. “Boss, you know I gave up months ago.”
“Did you give up your lighter when you gave up your smokes?”
“Have you checked with Gail? She’s always putting stuff in strange places,” Randy started rifling around the papers on Franks’ desk.
“I told that gal to keep her nose outta my business and her hands off my stuff.”
“If I could just get a minute of your time,” Dalton interrupted.
“It was a second before,” Mike said with eyes narrowed. “Now it’s a minute?”
“It’s just a figure of speech, boss—,” Randy began.
“I know that!” Mike picked up his jacket and patted down each pocket. He stilled when Dalton held up a small plastic bag, bulging with grey specks. “Look at this,” he said with his usual calm-but condescending tone.
Both Franks and Randy stood and peered at the contents.
“Is this toxic?”
“No.”
“Some kind of drug?”
“No.”
“Can I eat it? I haven’t had breakfast and all of Kowalski’s bread’s gone.”
“Rando!”
“Sorry, boss.”
Franks took a deep breath. “Dalton, it you don’t tell me what the hell I’m looking at, I swear I’ll empty whatever it is over your fool head.”
Dalton gave Franks a brittle smile. “Dust.”
Franks scowled at the bag and then up to Dalton’s face. “Dust?”
“From my office. This is just a little of what I am forced to breathe in every day. It is disgusting and I should not have to work in these unsanitary conditions.”
Franks crossed his arms over his chest. He glared at Dalton, but the other man didn’t look intimidated. It seemed like the basement-dwelling agent had grown a backbone. Or he was just being even more petty than usual.
“The cleaners aren’t doing a good enough job. Wheeler refuses to pay them overtime. Mary Jo refuses to buy me a DustBuster out of petty cash. This bag,” he shook it, drawing both Franks and Randy’s eyes to the contents once more. “This is just what I found under my desk this morning. There is a whole layer of suffocating particulates in my office and I cannot take it anymore. I need a DustBuster and it’s critical now!”
Franks jabbed Dalton’s shoulder, his last nerve frayed by the interaction. “You do not come out of your cave and into my office—.”
“It’s a shared office, boss—.”
“And tell me a bullshit story about how your lungs can’t handle a little bit of dust.”
“Well my lungs are better than yours, what with all the smoking you do…” Dalton trailed off as he took in the way Franks reared back, his fists clenched and teeth bared.
“You do smoke a fair bit more than most,” Randy said quietly.
“Maybe you should think about stopping?” Dalton added, intent on showing what an ass he was. “Once your lungs are clear, you will think differently about air pollution.”
Mary Jo entered the bullpen with a click-clack of her heels. She looked at the scene in dismay. “Whatever y’all are shouting about, please pipe down. You’re spooking the witnesses to the arson case outside.”
Dalton turned to call over his shoulder. “Agent Franks was just telling me how he does not smoke tobacco all that much.”
“There’s a lot worse he could be smoking,” Mary Jo said under her breath.
“And he was telling us how he could stop anytime he wants,” Dalton continued with a grin that looked anything but friendly.
“He didn’t actually say that,” Randy cut in before he looked at Franks. “But maybe you could try?” He turned his most winning smile on his boss. “It’s almost Lent. Lots of people give up things for Lent. Or so I heard. I haven’t been to church in a long, long time.”
“Rando, shut your pie-hole!” Franks moved closer to Dalton. “Listen up real good. I am not giving up anything for anyone, and certainly not for Lent. In fact I may smoke even more, just to piss you off!”
Dalton just grinned. “Scared?”
There was a collective intake of breath at that remark.
“You better watch what comes out of your mouth, Basement Dalton. And your particulates won’t be the only thing you have to worry about, if you speak like that to me one more time.”
Mary Jo stepped between the two men, laying her palms against both of their chests. “Why don’t we just discuss this calmly?” She looked over her shoulder at the row of worried-looking witnesses, some of whom were shaking their heads at the display. “We can do this without scaring them even more than they already are.”
“Nothing to talk about,” Franks bit out the words.
“I agree,” said Dalton. “Agent Franks can prove me wrong anytime. No further discussion is needed.” He narrowed his eyes, his grin spreading “But.” He smiled at Mary Jo, although he addressed Franks. “Why not make it extra interesting?”
“I like interesting,” Randy piped up.
“Get back to your damn computer, Rando!”
Dalton’s face looked like it would split in two. “If you can stop smoking until Easter, I will buy you a brand new lighter. Sterling silver, monogram with your initials and I’ll even draw a little design for the back of it.”
Franks slit his eyes. “And if I choose to start smoking before then?”
“You buy me a top of the range DustBuster.”
“Deal!”