Archive of Our Own ^beta

Rudo’s hands hurt like hell. 

Which is normal, they always hurt to some extent. His gloves help, at least a little bit. But some days, the pain is unbearable. It makes him want to tear at his skin until he completely loses the ability to feel anything in his hands. Once when he was younger, he scratched them so much that they bled for hours, Regto had to rewrap his bandages nonstop since the bleeding wouldn’t stop. He was sick for days after. Rudo still hates how awful he constantly feels but there isn't much he could do. He can only care for the only things that give him some relief. 

Unfortunately for him, today is one of those absolutely shitty days. When he woke up, he couldn’t even open his eyes before he felt multiple jolts of extreme pain. It made his whole body shake. He slowly opened his eyes and turned his head towards his window, but the small motion made his hands feel like they were on fire. He let out a groan and his whole body tensed. It’s not even light outside yet. 

Fuck- fuck- Why did this have to happen. Usually Regto always made sure that he didn’t try to hurt himself again, he got cold water and gently cleaned his hands, and would just speak to him even though he knew that Rudo wasn’t able to respond. 

But now….

Regto was gone. 

And he was never going to see him again.

His breathing is starting to become erratic and he can feel his eyes start to water. He fucking hates it when he cries. He doesn’t deserve to cry. Despite the pain, he wills his body to lay on his side and buries his head in his pillow. “R-Regto… dad…” The burning feeling and pain spreads and it causes the tears to flow out faster and he can hear his muffled voice crying into the pillow. Why am I so pathetic? I’m just a flaming pile of crap. Suddenly he felt like his hands were being ripped off his body and his vision turned black.

He comes to again a couple hours later, or maybe not, he can’t tell. He’s hyper aware of everything that was touching him suddenly. He can feel the sweat running down his face and somehow it’s making the pain worse. His room feels way hotter than normal and it’s adding to his discomfort. His eyes burn, begging for some type of relief from the itchy pain. He can feel dried snot from his nose and immediately cringes. This is disgusting. I’m disgusting. Looking down slightly at his hands, he can see blood running from ripped skin that his gloves don’t cover. He must’ve done it while he was sleeping. Regto would be so disappointed right now. Tears start to swell up again. His brain is pounding against his head and he wants to rip out his hair. 

He misses his dad so much. 

He hisses at a sudden jolt of pain and grits his teeth hard. He curls himself into a ball, despite his body spazzing in pain, trying to hide himself from the world. Maybe he should’ve died when hit hell's floor. Everyone thinks he’s just a snot-nosed brat anyway. He thought he was able to change but he’s still the same kid who first fell from heaven, even though the sphere is far from it. He hugs himself, despite the pain, his hatred, and knowing he doesn’t deserve it. Sleep doesn’t mercifully come to him so all he can do is let his eyes become flood gates and let them break open.

Enjin’s finger continuously taps on the table. He keeps looking at the doors like he’s waiting for someone even though he’s obviously trying to be subtle about it. He lets out a dramatic sigh and lets his head drop from his hand. Where the hell is this kid? Riyo looks up from her sandwich with a raised brow. Zanka doesn't look up from his book.

“What’s your deal?” She sets her food down. “It's past noon and Rudo hasn’t been out of his room today.” He says without looking away from the doors. “He used his powers a lot yesterday so he’s probably just sleeping it off. But if you’re so worried, go check on the brat.” Zanka shrugs without looking up. Enjin hits the table once before he pushes up from his seat. He lets out a huff as he strolls down the hallway towards Rudo’s room. He knocks three times on the door, “Yo, Kid! Are you up?” He waits for an answer but nothing comes. 

Weird, he’s usually a light sleeper. “Come on bud! You gotta wake up! I’ll take you trash picking later if you come and eat something.” Geez, this kid is stupidly stubborn. He was just about to yell again but he heard something come from the room. He puts his ear to the door and holds his breath. The sound was muffled, but he thinks it was a small groan? What the fuck. He knocks a bit faster. “Hey Rudo? Are you good?” No answer, not even a sound this time. “Okay sorry bud but I’m coming in!” He pushes open the door, he’s lucky that Rudo still doesn’t lock his damn door. 

Enjin’s body immediately stops when he sees the state that Rudo’s in. Something is definitely wrong, judging by how his body is violently shaking and all the dried blood Enjin can see stained on the bed. The teen is curled into a ball facing away from him but Enjin can see his arms jolt randomly as if they were lit on fire. He realizes that a lot of the blood isn’t dried at all, seeing Rudo’s bloody arms every time they jolt in pain. Enjin quickly pulls himself together and pushes down the million thoughts in his head and brings himself to the bed side. “Woah Kid! What's wrong? Did you hide another injury?” Enjin waits for a response to any of his sudden questions but it’s as if Rudo couldn’t hear him.

As gently as he can, Enjin lightly puts his hand on Rudo’s shoulder, but the teen immediately jerks away as if the touch was the most painful thing he’s ever felt. Rudo shifts his head from the pillow and slowly looks up at Enjin. He looks tired. Like way more tired than usual. His eyes look dry and red and he looks at Enjin like he can’t believe he’s there. “E…-in?” Rudo slurs out, his voice sounding hoarse and overused. 

“Yeah Kid it’s me. What’s going on?” Enjin kneels down and speaks slowly. “H-hurts…” Rudo tries to lift his hands but realizes that it was a horrible idea after gut-wrenching pain makes his body thrash violently. “Hey, hey, don’t try to move right now. I’m guessing your arms are hurtin’ ya?” Enjin panics for a second, not wanting the kid to hurt himself further. “Wh….” Rudo tries but his throat burns as much as the rest of his body, but Enjin understands what he’s trying to say.

“I was worried about you, so I decided to come and check on you. As simple as that.” Enjin sighs and lightly brushes the hair that’s sticking to Rudo, due to sweat, out of his face. Shit he’s burning up. “Okay kid, listen to me for a second, ‘kay?” Rudo looks up at him, his eyes filled with un-shed tears, pain and confusion stains his face. Fuck, the kid shouldn’t ever look like this. “I’ll go and get some things to clean up your arms, okay? I’m not gonna leave you like this.” Enjin reassures him. Rudo tries to speak again but nothing is able to come out. The older man lets out a sigh and leaves the room. 

When Enjin comes back after rummaging through the med bay, he finds Rudo rapidly scratching his arms, causing the bleeding to become worse and worse. He almost drops the bandages, towels, and a bowl of water, before quickly running over to Rudo. “Woah, woah, woah! Stop, Rudo, kid! You need to calm down!” Enjin puts down the things quickly and pulls Rudo’s arm away from himself without thinking, causing Rudo to cry out in pain. “ Fuck-! Please I-I’m sor-!” Tears swell back up in his eyes, memories flashing of when kids used to kick his hands and arms. Enjin lets go and shakes his head. “Shit Kid I’m sorry. But you can’t do that, it'll only make it worse.” He crouches down so he’s somewhat level with the bed.

“I’m gonna take your gloves off, okay?” Enjin’s voice is soft but firm. Rudo lets out a few huffs of air and a few tears fall from his eyes. He looks at Enjin with glossy eyes before he nods ever so slightly. Enjin slowly pulls off one of the gloves and what he sees makes him want to vomit. Holy shit. He can feel his breathing start to pick up and anger, confusion, and so many other emotions start to fill him. “What the fuck happened? We need to get Eishia now. How the f- kid why didn’t you…?” Enjin’s brain is becoming scattered. Rudo, the best he can, shakes his head. “I- it’s fine.” 

Enjin looks back at Rudo. “It’s al-always been there…” The poor kid shrugs like it’s normal. This shouldn’t be normal. Rudo notices his angry expression and shrinks into himself, looking away. “Hey, hey, I’m not mad at you for not telling me.” Enjin sits on the bed, using his sleeve to wipe some of the tears staining the kid's face. He carefully takes the soft wet rag that he brought and starts gently cleaning his wounds. Even though the man was being gentle, Rudo still jerks and lets out little groans due to the pain. “Shit I’m sorry kid, I’m almost done.” 

It feels good, not the pain of course, but Enjin’s soft movements and low tone somehow makes it a little bit bearable. “ ‘m s-orry” Rudo huffs out, Enjin nearly missed it due to the kid’s head being down. After he’s done, Enjin sets the rag down before gently sliding his hand through Rudo’s hair. “Don’t apologize for things you can’t control, also I decided to do this for you so it’s not like you forced me.” Rudo just makes a grunting noise, before Enjin grabs the bandages he brought. “Okay, I’ll rewrap them for you okay? I’ll try to make it quick.” Enjin explains as he gently picks up Rudo’s hand again. 

Enjin makes sure to be as careful as possible while still trying to be quick. It reminds Rudo of Regto a bit, the nostalgia fogs his head even more.“Okay there.” Enjin puts the bandages off to the side. “Did your dad usually help you with uh all this?” Enjin asks, wiping off some blood that got on his hands. Rudo looks back up at Enjin. “He… would clean my hands like you did. Rewrap them too. He would get too worried to leave me alone because I uh….”

 Rudo looks back down at his hands. “I would always scratch them till they bled…. He would let me lay in bed with him…and would tell me stories until I fell asleep..” Rudo goes silent so Enjin looks over at him just to see the kid crying. It shocks the older man for a second before his face shifts to an empathetic look. “I’m glad you told me about him.” Enjin says softly before he gently starts to wipe Rudo’s tear streaked face. Enjin lets him cry it out, it surprisingly helps a bit, but Rudo thinks it’s still a bit embarrassing.

After a while, Rudo’s hics and sniffles start to stop. Enjin’s hand moved to slowly glide through Rudo’s hair. “Hey why don’t you get some sleep while I clean up, yea?” Enjin lightly ruffles his hair. Rudo is clearly very out of it after all the crying and pain he has gone through today. Rudo leans onto Enjin’s shoulder, hiding his face. “Cmon I gotta clean up.” Enjin chuckles a bit and stands up, while holding up Rudo’s head with his hand. Rudo grumbles then flinches when Enjin picks him up from under his arms. 

“Damn you’re way too light.” He lightly shakes him. He’s like a damn cat, Enjin snorts. “Put me down asshole…” Rudo hiss and winces a bit. Enjin lays him down gently and picks up the first aid supplies. “I’ll be right back, okay?” Enjin turns and walks out the room. After he puts the supplies away, he walks through the base back to Rudo’s room, feeling surprisingly lighter. “How is he?” Riyo’s voice causes him to pause and turn towards it. He sees both Zanka and Riyo leaning on the wall, Riyo with a raised eyebrow and Zanka side eyeing him. “He’s gonna be alright, it’s just… his hands were bothering him and yknow.” Enjin tries to keep it somewhat vague.

They stare at each other for a minute before Zanka lets out a very audible sigh. “Well he needs to eat something.” Zanka pushes himself off the wall and starts walking to Rudo’s room, walking past Enjin. “He’s been worried all day.” Riyo laughs along with a proud Enjin. They catch up with Zanka and make it to his room. Enjin pushes open Rudo’s door, making the white haired teen turn his head slightly to look over, confused at the two new people behind him.

 “Hey kid, these two just wanted to come check in on you.” Enjin grins walking into the room. Rudo blinks lazily at them, looking very confused. “…why..?” Riyo giggles and walks closer, "Because we care about you silly!” Riyo pokes his cheek. Zanka comes over and pats his head, not looking at him. Enjin smiles at the scene in front of him. The white haired kid still looks confused as hell, which is oddly endearing. “Come one bud, you need something to eat..” Enjin walks over to them, patting Zanka and Riyo on the shoulders. Rudo grunts and is actually able to sit up by himself. 

Rudo is about to try and stand up before Zanka picks him up from underneath his arms. “Nope, you’re not wasting energy on walking.” Rudo's face flushes from embarrassment, and before he can say anything Zanka puts him on Enjin’s back. “Alright kiddos, let’s go.” Enjin starts walking out the room, with the other two following close behind. Rudo hugs Enjin’s neck and the blonde man swears he heard a soft “Thank you…” from the kid.

“Any day and any time, Bud.”