Chapter Text
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
“Love, you can’t leave. You know what the village thinks.” Poseidon’s hands wrapped around my waist, fingers splayed against hipbones. I lean into his embrace craving the gentle touch.
My eyes drift to the mirror in front of me, Amphy meets my gaze and unfurls from the coach behind us. Her golden tattoos shimmer in the faint moonlight from the window. The curtains flap against the growing wind and I lean back further. “Calm down, Po. We simply cannot change the fates’ decree.”
His arms tighten, “It is not me, love.” A second breath joins his behind me and I turn to face her. My eyes search hers trying once more to count the colors that are constantly shifting; the tides are alive in her irises.
“Amphy.” her name is a prayer graced on mortal mouths, “I’m sorry I-” her finger presses on my lip. Her face controlled, her eyes flit around my face as though she’s trying to memorize it.
“We all knew the risks when this began, did we not?” her voice however stoic she wanted it to sound emotion betrayed her with a quiver. I nod along anyways, as it was my choice to continue not theirs. Her fingers gently caressed my cheek, the sadness in her eyes left me reeling. A goddess, crying for a mere mortal as I?
I hum, leaning my head into her hand, “It’ll be okay. Both of you are acting like I’ll die tomorrow- we have five years before they can take me- before they even know they can- we’ll make it count.”
Po clears his voice softly, “You know we can’t spend all year with you.” I open my mouth to interrupt but he bolsters ahead, “Years aren’t as long as you mortals tend to believe. You’ll be gone before I’m able to memorize your smile.”
I huff and turn away, “Five years is longer than one day.” I take in my exasperated expression, my reflection stares back at me, and something akin to guilt flashes momentarily over Po’s face.
An uneasy feeling creeps up my spine. I hesitate before rushing ahead, “ but - that’s enough time for him?” Stepping out of his embrace to face them on my own, our well known argument started the same as always.
“You’ll have it ready by then?” A flicker of grief stains Amphy’s face at the question but she nods, her voice my prayer echoed back to me.
At their silence my heart tightens, my hand reaching towards the window feeling the flow of power from my fingertips to the curtains, tying them back. The whipping sounds ceased and the silence was deafening.
“ Of course we will.” At Po’s silence she turns her gaze onto him. “Right? My dearest tsunami? You will not leave our son to die, will you?” disgruntled at the nickname he fumbles in the silence.
“I cannot be sure, there’s too many factors, I can’t-” A growl from Amphy reminds me once again that I am nothing but a mortal praying to my gods. They are not human. Oh but do I love them still.
She turns to face me, and I can feel the desperation carved onto my face. “We will see it done if it bars us from the courts.” I nod, and although this is a common conversation between us, relief fills my ribs, cozying right next to uncertainty. There is not enough room in this body for all the emotions.
“All is well. I-” My voice breaks and I breathe in, the tattoos on my arms shimmering to mirror theirs. As long as Percy will be safe. “All will be well. Promise not to forget?” Posed as an unfinished question ~ Will you promise not to forget me?
The longing escapes both their throats, reassurances ripping their way through skin, murmured promises, promises that everyone knew could never be kept. Nevertheless I kept my tongue, relaxing into the moment.
Five years.
~ : ~ : ~
“Percy! Careful with the plants, don’t trip!” A giggle sounded across the deck, joyful scampering of a seven year old as he ran through the garden.
I kneel down leaning over the side of the deck to press my hands into the soil, asking for the plants to move out of his way. Begrudgingly they listen and I watch as he startles, “Mama!” He yells back with a laugh, before turning to chase the plants around the garden. I feel the warmth from the ground, joy emanating from the growth of the garden. I straighten breathing in the sudden smell of the sea.
A hand on my waist causes me to pause my watching, turning to face Amphy, “Why what a lovely surprise?” I exclaim, twirling my hands around her neck. Pretending to swoon into her embrace I take the moment to watch the golden lines realign themselves.
Peace settles into my bones as I breathe her essence in.
Playing into my bluff she leans down to my ear, “Why, I couldn’t leave you all by your lonesome for a whole week now could I?” I giggle into her collarbone, closing my eyes to relish her warmth.
Her arms shift and I feel her chin on my head, tracking Percy through the plants. “He is beautiful.” I smile into her skin, and I feel her hesitation, “can he-” her frustration is known through a sigh.
I know what she’s asking, but she knows the answer - we both do. With the stilted silence, I shift letting the wind sweep between us, silently asking for eye contact. My fingers tap on her shoulders, watching her skin react to mine.
Reluctantly she tilts her mournful gaze to mine. “No.” My voice is soft, understanding. I couldn’t even imagine- “He can see the creatures and the plants but not the nymphs that watch him in the waters. He can see the winds shifting with the will of the gods but he can’t see the Anemoi playing with the grains.”
I see her throat tighten, and I let the silence comfort her before I do. “You know he won’t until he’s twelve.” way to go, great at comforting.
She steps back, cold seeping through my clothes; “But you will not be there to lead him across that bridge.” A stone is lodged in my throat, “He will walk it alone. We cannot interfere once he has begun his journey- we both- you know this.” Her grief stains the wind with a biting salt breeze, and Percy startles.
“Mama! The wind is angry!” his voice carries through to us and her face turns remorseful, I watch as she forcibly relaxes her shoulders. But the damage is done and the scene unfolds - and I’m unable to do anything. Percy, grin wide, eyes wild, runs up the steps and throws his arms around me. “I came! Just like you said to!”
Nausea fills my once joy-filled stomach and I force a grin onto my face hoping he won’t catch my bluff, “Good job! Thank you for listening. Can you run inside and get warm?” He searches my face, his grin fading into a confused frown.
He leans in to whisper, “Mama,” I shift lower to hear him, pointedly ignoring the longing expression from the god across from us, “Why are you sad?” His hand comes to rest on my face.
“Just big emotions.” I whisper back, and he nods seriously before pressing a kiss to my cheek.
“Mama, that's nothing that big breaths and hugs can’t fix.”
Oh my heart. “You are such a smart boy, Percy.” He flushes under the compliment and my heart aches at the disbelief that flits across his eyes. Maybe the forced playdates weren’t a good idea.
“I’ll get you a blanket and we can finish the quilt?” I nod, fluffing his hair as he turns to run inside, barely brushing by Amphy without a single thought. She stares at the closed door, and I close the gap once more.
My arms find her waist pulling her closer, her voice is somber, “I knew- but - I thought that since he was my child-” her voice wavers, “-I thought he might be able to see me.” Gods do I wish.
“Nothing that big breaths and hugs can’t fix.” Startled, I met her gaze. “Thank you for raising him well. He will be a hero beyond measure.”
“I don’t want him to be a hero, I just want him to live.”
Four years.
~ : ~ : ~
“Mama?”
“Hm?” My hand pauses on the stitches, I had been teaching Percy a new embroidery stitch, and we had let silence reign as he focussed on his square of the quilt.
“Can-” He struggles with the words, obviously fighting an inner demon. I set down my fabric and needle giving my full attention to him. “ Gabe said that boys don’t cry, and- “ He cuts off again, confusion obvious. “But you said everyone cries, and it’s good to let them fall? I don’t- I don’t think he’s right, that doesn’t make sense, right?”
A vice grips my throat, and I breathe through the sting, “You’re right Percy, that doesn’t make sense. Why do you think he would say that?”
His eyes well and he looks down fighting any eye contact, ah just like his mother , “I don’t know - I’m not that-” He cuts off.
I’m not that smart. Was that what the village was telling him? “I believe in you Percy, think for a moment and then give your truth.”
“I think he got told that. And he doesn’t know-” he cuts off to meet my gaze and I nod encouragingly, “-maybe he doesn’t know that it's okay?” Oh my empathetic little boy.
“Good thoughts percy! There’s always two sides to every story, okay? That was a smart answer.” He grins through the blush, and nods to himself continuing to work on his fabric. “But Percy.” At my voice he looks up, clearly there’s still an internal war waging inside and I curse my inability to explain things.
“Just because someone is rude and you can think of a reason doesn’t mean they aren’t being rude.” He has a puzzled frown at this What was that wording Sally get yourself together “People almost always have a reason in their history for behaviour, nobody is born a bad person. But there are bad people and you have to watch them, they will lie and you shouldn’t believe them. They will hurt you and you need to protect yourself. You’re not bad if you realize someone is a bad person or they do bad things and you put a boundary” Percy, I need you to realize Gabe is an asshole and I’m not defending him. seriously get your wording together Sally
He nods but internal conflict makes it known on his face, “So- understand that maybe they’re hurt too but still take care of yourself first? Isn’t that selfish mama?” such an empathetic soul.
“It’s not selfish to judge someone's character and decide they can hurt you, that's just self-preservation you have to listen to your gut okay?” I don’t know how to explain this. I wave my hand and everything in my lap folds itself neatly into a pile beside me, before going to kneel next to him. “I love you, and I trust that you make good decisions.” I hug him hard.
His hug is quick and fierce, before he squawkes, “You’re smothering me!” I laugh at his complaint and pull away to boop his nose with my finger. He shoves my hand aside and I play the part of a false-offense.
Pretending to be forlorn I place the back of my hand on my forehead, “I can’t smother my own child? The horror.” He giggles, and the sound echoes around the room.
Three years.
~ : ~ : ~
“You’ve done well with him.” Po. The smell of storms, and salt fills my senses and I turn to find him behind me.
“Nothing to thank me for, he is his own soul.” He steps into my space and I watch - always so fascinating - as the gold on our arms dance to match each other.
He hums, and hovers his palms over mine, “ You have taught him lessons most gods don’t know.” a blush splatters down my neck. Almost making contact with the golden tattoos decorating my collarbones, evidence of my crimes.
“Isn’t that a flattering thought?” I lean against him, letting my exhaustion run rampant. He huffs before pulling me even closer. The closer I go to him the louder the calming sounds of waves crash over me.
My face relaxes, exhaling “It isn’t meant to be flattering, only truthful. And- Sally.” I blink my heavy eyes open at his serious tone.
Trying to shift away but his firm embrace keeps me warm and against his chest. “Sally, it’s also a warning. Most gods do not know the lessons he does.” Fear slinks through my ribcage curling over my heart.
“I know.” Ignoring the break in my voice I hug him a little tighter.
Two years.
~ : ~ : ~
Percy has been spending an increasing amount of time at the house, I do hope he socializes well. A selfish part of me wants to keep him near me all the time and for as long as I can.
Is that really a bad wish he’ll want these memories when… I don’t let myself finish the thought, instead focussing on the dough in front of me.
Percy has asked that I teach him the family recipes, and I happily obliged. Glad to be sharing the last bit of history I have with him before…
No. I refuse to think of what will happen. Shaking the thoughts out of my head I refocus on the counter. Watching Percy’s hands fold the dough - admittedly a little out of practice but objectively well for his first time making it.
“Hey mama?”
“Yes my love?” My heart will grieve the day I don’t get to hear his sweet voice asking for me but nevertheless I force a smile and respond.
“When these are rising can I braid your hair?” His eyes meet mine, an innocently earnest feeling shines towards me.
I smile leaning over to ruffle his hair with my flour covered hands, “Of course you can, I love your braids.” He’d asked to learn roughly four months ago and now spends all the time he can learning different plaits and braids. Curiously enough Amphy also seems consistently fixated on my hair, it was one of the first things she asked me to teach her.
“No! Your hands are-” He cuts off giggling as I wrap him in a hug, desperate for every moment of every day. I take a deep breath of air, he’ll be okay.
One year.
~ : ~ : ~
“NO! PLEASE YOU CAN’T! MAMA!” His voice was so big for his small frame, shaking under the force of emotions. Filthy hands gripped my sides and forced my hands to the wooden frame of the stake.
Someone from behind rips my high-collar shirt down partially exposing my gold painted collarbones to the crowd, shrieks and pointed cacophonies through the air.
“Big breaths, Percy. I’m so sorry.” He fights against the men pulling him to the ground. A hand comes too close to my breasts and I knee the nearest person I can find. Growling and snapping my teeth.
I tear my eyes away from his face snarling at Gabe whose meaty hands grabbed Percy’s arm wrenching him backwards.
“Let me go! Mom!”
~ ~ ~
“You’ll watch her burn you hear me?” His breath burns my eyes, already stinging with tears a headache pounding from where my head had slammed into the ground earlier.
I struggle against Gabe’s hands digging into the flesh of my arms, “You’ll watch her burn, and then I’ll convince the elders to let me keep you. I’ll fix you up real nice.
If terror hadn’t already consumed every part of my body I would have seized further at his threat, but I felt hollow - nothing could surpass the sheer amount of terror and grief tidal waving through me.
A sudden clap of thunder hit the sky, and I flinched - the usual comfort of a storm fleeing me, instead the drops felt like arrows stabbing against my skin. Rain poured down in sheets - years later I would remark this was a beautiful juxtaposition to the situation, the bright flames in the middle of the storm-covered town, the heat blasting off the flames amidst a downpour of icecold rain. The smoke whipping around in the seasalt stained air, clinging to the farce of reality.
I felt my shoulder start to wrench out of its socket, the ground making contact with my face. Everything seemed so f a r a w a y.
A scream tore through the night, victory screeching in every direction. Encasing me in the sick triumph.
Mama, why won’t they let you come home.
My body was flung into a standing position once again, darkness blacking over my eyes. My love, you are my greatest treasure. Breath through it, I love you so much.
A stinging followed by dripping warmth encased my collarbones and around my shoulder. I shudder, my attention slipping into blackness.
Goodbye, Mama.