Archive of Our Own

The news that Mr. D was going to be absent on the summer solstice were going around the camp like fresh rolls. It was the ‘Why?’ that spun the information into action and suddenly Chiron was being stalked no matter where he would go to hide because of campers wanting answers. The fact that Dionysus wasn't allowed on Olympus was widely known, so why was he now being summoned? 

Some kids at camp were even making bets while trying to decipher the god's disappearance (looking at you cabins 11, 12 and 19) Percy almost felt bad for Pollux who was supposedly the one chosen to ask his father about it as soon as the god was going to be back. But then the kid's probably taking bets too, so. And he heard other campers feared that anyone else might be cursed to go crazy as soon as they leave the big house. Honestly, that sounded plausible so really, who was Percy to judge?

With radio silence from Chiron who had recently gone hiding for the day and Dionysus himself not being back yet, the whole camp was almost buzzing from all the tension. In such a small place, everyone liked a little gossip. Who's where with who doing what and how? More interesting than reading, at least to Percy. And honestly, a little pinch of speculating never hurt no one. 

But Percy had a mission. A real one. So as he walked the bit to the big house and very politely knocked on the door, he expected an equally real answer. He heard the clatter of hooves on the wooden floor so he waited, but the door didn't even budge as a voice could be heard inside. 

“What do you need, Percy?” Wait, was that a nervous crack in the thousands of years old centaur's voice? The same one's that trained Achilles himself? Dam these kids were really rubbing off on everyone. Percy wondered if even despite being an immortal being, Chiron was likely to get gray hair from all the stress he was going through every day.

“No need to be stressed, Chiron. I'm not here to pester you about Mr. D. Honestly, I couldn't care less about him, dunno why everyone's so interested.” Okay, a lie. A blunt one at that. But he needed Chiron to feel safe and like Percy's ask is truthly easy in comparison to the others'. 

He heard the multiple locks of the door opening (since when were they there?) and he was abruptly pulled inside. Sure, whatever. Wouldn't be the first time he was taken hostage. 

When the door was being locked away, he saw something he didn't expect. “Mr. D?” 

Now, a paranoid man in slippers checking the windows in fear of children suddenly appearing was not something one would find normal. Even better when said man is nowhere close to a man because he's a literal god, but sure. Whatever. Eveything's fine, eveything's normal.

“Now what you said was nowhere near nice, Peter. And I need you to know that if it was anyone else, you would never walk out of this house without being a little daft in the head. But right now, I need you to do something for me.” 

And hey, hey, hey. Orders from gods usually ranged from ‘get me another soda’ straight to ‘mission impossible’ and Percy promised himself, and more importantly Annabeth, that he wouldn't get send on a suicide quest before they could get on with life. Or at least not go without her, because that automatically decreases his chances of survival by a good 30% and increases the time it takes him to go home by 70%.

“No, no, no.” He interrupted the god as quickly as he could before he got an official quest. “I came here for Chiron. Is he here?” Then added, “How did you dub as him so well anyway? I swear I heard his hooves..” As he remembered the circumstances regarding his kidnapping. 

“What do you think? Acting's literally my thing.” He only shrugged. “Anyway, I promise you, you're gonna have fun. I just need you to—” 

“Uhuh I don't care! I need Chiron, where is he?” He planned on not letting the man speak, hoping that the centaur will magically appear in the room like a genie and oh dear gods how is he still alive? Was that smoke coming out of the man's ears? 

Mr. D looked at him in a way that always reminded everyone that a) he's still a god, and b) he doesn't want to be here. Which, this guy never really hid any of those, but it's just easy to forget when you see him everyday sipping soda and laughing at a child that tripped over a rock.

Someone, Percy doesn't remember who exacly, explained that it's just their mortal brain trying to cope. Apparently, all things considered, even though they all know that these guys are like thousands of years old, their brains can't imagine it or something. All the myths happening? Sure. Their biological parents literally being the core of those myths hundreds years ago? It appears to Percy that that's where the line is. 

“I need you,” the god started again, and Percy found that he literally couldn't say anything to interrupt him. Also, why was he so focused on Mr. D's nose? It's like, he couldn't look away, dam. “To do something in my name to anger my father.” 

That seemed to do it, because what? Percy woke up from this weird trance thing and decided to ignore the fact that Dionysus just used his powers on him. Despite not being hypnotized anymore, Percy stared at the man blankly with a pretentious expression on his face. 

He blinked once, then again. 

Mr. D did not dissapear.

“What?!” He asked, still kind of schocked. 

Listen, listen. The gods give them quests all the time now, and as he said earlier, their range is really wide. But never once in his life has Percy heard about one given by their camp director himself. 

Moreso, a god tasking a demigod with pissing off another god. Mr. D clearly was giving into his powers and going crazy himself if he thought for a second that Percy was going to try irritating a god willingly. And the king himself? Something was up, and as much as Percy didn't care about Dionysus' call upon Olympus, he had a feeling it had to do something with that. 

What was up with gods playing chess with the lives of mortals? 

“Well I figured that if anyone, you would be perfect for it! You truthly have a talent, Johnson.” Mr. D patted him on the shoulder as if to encourage him but it didn't help anything. 

“Why would you even want to.. do something like that?” Percy was ready to bite his way out of this. No way in the whole hades that he's going on this.. this.. suicide mission. Because that's what that was! A suicide, and a humiliating one at that! 

“Well, you know. The ethernal life has it's perks, but it's incredibly boooring!” he took a sip out of his diet coke and— wait, where did he get that can from? “It's healthy to want to spice it up once in a while!” 

“That's bullshit and we both know it.” Percy had no interest in being lied to, but he dammed at his impulsive side. ‘Hey, mate, that's still a god that you're talking to!’ he had to remind himself. 

“Watch your tone, Johnson.” the god's face changed from silly to a warning and Percy pinched himself to not say anything more disrespectful than he did already. 

“Then tell me why you really want Ze—” 

“Don't! Never say a god's name if you don't want him to overhear you! Stupid mortal.” Dionysus scolded him immediately.

“Why do you want that? And why specifically me?” He threw his hands in a helpless manner. 

“Well after the whole Medusa's head shipped to Olympus fiasco—” Mr. D started, but Percy couldn't hold himself to not cut in again. 

Because what the fuck? Based on Percy sending a very stupid package when he was 11, for gods' sake, now he had to risk his future once again? And not even that, but purely for someone's entertaiment? Hades no. He would never agree to something like that. 

“Sir, with all due respect, I was a stupid eleven year old. But I am not eleven anymore, and I don't have the will it takes to anger him irresponsibly anymore.” 

If Zeus found out, he would be severly punished, his previous doing's entirely forgotten. Screw that, he would be struck by lightning the second Zeus would know, no matter where he was, and that too was probably a generous and quick death for something that would in theory anger the god king himself. Dionysus might be punished, set to spend the next twenty years at camp or be turned human, but that's only if somehow Percy's doings were traced back to him and gods were known for slipping out of trouble when the consequenses catch up.

At least with his previous quests, he had a serious mission. Like, save the world for example. That had given him some motivation to do it, because he could either die for sure when the world as a whole was set to be destroyed, or had a chance to die whilst trying (or succeding) to stop it. 

Now, his choices were to die by Zeus' hand if he succeded, Dionysus' if he refused, Dionysus' if he failed, or trying to get his mission done in some stupid and reckless way. The last one was probably the most likely one, if he was to go alone. Wait, that's it! If that's a proper quest, he can't go alone. That's genious! 

“And I wouldn't be able to go anyway, so.” Percy's lips curled up in a smug smile.

“Ha! And why, Peter, is that?” 

Sometimes Percy forgot that their lives were just like some rpg games for immortals. They play who they want and if their character dies, they just make a new one anyway? Who cares if they die during their first or sixteenth mission? 

“Because I can't go on a quest alone. And if I can take someone, it would need to be Annabeth. Not sure if you would want her getting involved in this.” 

“Eh, you can take someone else.” The god shrugged like it didn't matter. 

“That would be considered cheating.” He put his left hand on his heart in a dramatic manner, surely looking like he was deeply offended. Because he was, of course. How could Mr. D suggest he does something like that? 

“I'm sure she wouldn't care.” 

“Maybe. But I do.” 

Percy would lie if he said that the thought of Annabeth not caring about that sort of thing didn't stung him a little. He will have to ask her about it, and hope that it will be enough to reassure him. 

“You went on a quest with those two.. what were their names?” 

“Yeah I know who you're talking about. That was against my will.” Percy tried to focus on the vase with beautiful flowers in it, well, the water that was holding the plants within life for a few more days. He had to stay calm, he couldn't get in a fight with a god again.

“Well I'm sure you can somehow manage to overcome such—” he gestured nothing concrete with his hand in the air. 

“No!” Percy said loudly, the desperation and hurt could be heard in his voice. “Why do you gods never understand the word no? That someone might just not have a death wish that, sorry, but the quests always provide?” 

Dionysus was clearly getting irritated or angry himself but if Percy was to never leave this house, maybe he could become a ghost and live at camp forever? 

What suprised Percy was that, after the long twenty seconds of the god's face getting redder and redder, Mr. D decided to.. spare him? He took a deep breath, like, unhumanly deep, and looked at Percy with some newfound friendliness. 

Percy's first question was, ‘could Dionysus even get friendly?’

The second was, ‘am I spared from doing the quest? was my little outburst sucessful?’

And the third was, ‘what happened at the gods' council?’

Before he could think of some more, Dionysus' started speaking calmly. Harry Potter's Dumbledore's ‘DID-YOU-PUT-YOUR-NAME-IN-THE-GOBLET?' calm. So, not at all. It was passive agressive at best, because there was no yelling, no sarcasm, only the pureness of having had enough. 

“You know why I hate it so much here, Jackson?” he asked, but probably rethorically. “Because, now comes the shocker, gods are immortal!” He put his hands in the air and shook them. God of drama, right? “You've surely heard plenty of myths surrounding one of our beloved's deaths.” he suddenly started walking in a circle around Percy. Touched him on the shoulder, and Percy felt a little electricity coming from that. “And it's not only lovers, no.” he continued. “My punishment is not mothering you all, I mean, sure, at first. Kids are annoying, but..” a pause when the god looked at the floor with a sad expression. Then back at him, angry, “Do you know what it is, Peter?”

The boy did not say anything at that, for the reason that he didn't know if he was to answer. Angry gods? Sure. Raging gods? Please, he beat Ares at 12. But whatever this was? It was weird and unusual and confused him extreamly. 

“Its watching you all die!” Dionysus said and Percy's eyes widened. “I raise you and then I have to watch your horrible deaths!” The demigod found that his feet were glued to the floor. 

He wanted to leave, now, but he couldn't move. He started imagining things. Horrible things. He realised how horrible it was to watch Luke, his enemy, kill himself. He thought all about how he wanted to help Backendorf and couldn't, how bad Clarisse had to feel after Silena's death, probably still having nightmares sometimes. How he saw so many of his friends death's during the battle of Manhattan and how cabin seven went from one of the most populated to having only three campers. How Will had to be the councelor of his cabin when he was thirteen. In all his years of coming to camp for summer, he saw so much death, he could take thantanos on coffe dates. 

But those were only a couple of years. Sure, some crazy things like war happened, but compared to Dionysus' closing hundred, that was probably only a scratch. And he raised some of those kids.. he knew Annabeth since she was only seven, some kids stay here all year with him. 

“I can't even visit you in the underworld because of some stupid rule that only child's godly parent can!” Well, that's some news to Percy. But again, he didn't ask any demigod in Hades if their parents visited them. “But they're not the ones who care, I am!” 

Percy spoke without noticing it, if he was honest. Just, his thoughts spilled on the floor like he dropped a glass with thoughts-filled-water. “Didn't even know that was a thing.” 

“Exacly! Because they don't do it!” Mr. D said, then continued, “You're lucky if they know your names— wait, actually no! Because if they do, they send you on those quests where you all die!” 

Okay Percy was sure that the god's power was affecting him now because how otherwise would one explain Dionysus' watery eyes. Of fucking course he sees water when he's going crazy. “And I don't want you to die, Peter, I really don't. So I thought maybe you of all people would be spared and maybe I.. I can take full responsibility.”

Could a god even use their power and not be aware of it? If so, it seemed that that was the case now. The god continued. “I can't.. I want to leave but at the same time I know when I eventually do, I'll still care.” Mr. D left Percy's personal space alone and went to sit in his usual seat on the chair, taking his face in his hands and leaned on his knees, his face now hidden. “I'll still visit. Hades, maybe even make a child just so I can't have an excuse for visiting! Ariadne would surely understand..” he planned. 

Percy listened, tried to understand the god's motivations, but umtimately couldn't make sense of his maybe-quest. “Then why anger Z— your father? To have him kill us all as a punishment?” he asked, suspicious of all this. 

Dionysus turned to Percy and his face turned serious. “If he knew, I'm sure he would.” that confused Percy even more for a second. “But he doesn't.” the boy didn't need any longer to figure it out. At least he hoped he didn't understand something wrong but his thoughts were impossible. He almost laughed right there and then.

He needed to be sure. “Knew what?” 

“Oh dear me, Johnson, how dense can you get?” he asked and took a sip out of his soda. “Even though I hate it, I.. care for you.” he revealed. “That's why It hurts so much when you die.” another sip. “That's what my father doesn't know.” another sip. 

Had he can been autofilling itself over and over again? Surely, it would've been empty by now. 

“You want him to punish you. Make you stay here longer.” Percy meant to ask but it came out more like a statememt. With Dionysus' nod, it appeared that it was. 

“Congratulations on figuring it out, genious. And that's why I need them to think I hate it here.” 

“Who?” 

“Everyone.” 

Suddenly, Percy's heart skipped a beat as he figured something else. Dionysus' behavior, how he always yelled at them, how he made campers miserable when he tasked them to clean the toilets, how he smiled wickedly at their sad, dissapointed, angry or literally-any-negative-emotion faces.

It was all an act. Everything. The lies to Chiron every morning he said purposefuly loud saying he hated it here, the rude introductions whenever a new camper would arrive. When Percy arrived and had a shit first meeting, the older campers told him that Mr. D even wrote a song to sing about how he hates being here. It was all an act. 

Because if the god was good to the campers the way he seemed to want to, they would die or he wound get forbidden from ever coming here again.

Gods were the gods cruel. Well, one god in particular. 

The silence was now streaching as Percy made his assumptions, and he remembered that the god probably wanted an answer. “I have an idea.” he said, and the older not-quite-man looked up, hopeful. 

“You'll really do it?” 

“No, but we can get te campers to—

“No.” 

“Why not? If they knew we could get the nice version of you I'm sure everyone would— 

“Don't you understand Percy? What's at stake here? The gods are watching us! And if one child of Love tells her mother about her week and how I rubbed their back while they were crying, she'll run to my father!” 

“But what about oaths?” 

“Please, if they can't tell my father, they'll show him. There is no way outsmarting a god.” 

“You are a god.” Percy smiled, thinking that he just outsmarted a god, but Mr. D's expression darkened. 

“I was born a demigod. That's different.” 

And Percy realized that he was right. He knew Dionysus' story, just as well as everyone else's. How he was a normal demigod who never did anything heroic other than taking a liking to partying, at least untill he discovered wine. How he too was subjected to Hera's wrath, as every other child of Zeus. He wasn't stealing other god's cows as a toddler and he certainly couldn't help a woman with birthing after being born seconds before as well. 

Was that it? Was he seeing a thousands of years younger version of himself in his pupils? After all, Mr. D was just a demigod. As good as this camp was full of. 

“Okay.” 

“So you agree?” the god asked, kind of schocked.

He was probably just feeling the feeling that one feels when they thought they would fail a class or be defeated in a game but passed and got a decent score in the end. The ‘Dummy-luck’, as Annabeth calls it. 

“I can only imagine this as something to do when the opportunity comes. How long do you have left?” 

Now, the fact that he was agreeing didn't mean that he would go out of his way to do something. His best offer was to just.. send another Medusa head the next time he'll come into it's possesion. 

“Well after the last fiasco in 98', I would have another ten years.” The camp director said, gesturing with his hands and Percy briefly wondered what exacly happened in 98', but then the hands stopped mid-air as he continued. “But I've been called for my father to kindly inform me that if I behaved like that, whatever that means, I could be ‘freed’ in maybe three.” he put the word 'freed' in air quotation marks. 

Seriously, Percy had so many questions after today. And ‘did Mr. D always use his hands as this much?’ was now written in his mental list too. 

The demigod relaxed, letting go of the air that got stuck in his lungs when he asked the question. “Oh that's fine then.” he said, calm. 

“What do you mean, ‘fine'?!” the man before him outraged. 

Percy was taken aback by the sudden outburst, but explained, “Well that's a lot of time to think and do something!” 

“That's like, tomorrow!” 

Percy laughed, seeing now where the deal was. “You're still immortal, so your perception of time sucks. I'll do something in time, no problem.” 

“Oh Peter!” Mr. D lunged himself at Percy and hugged him, freezing him in place once again. “You don't know how much it means to me!” Percy only patted the god in his back a few times. 

“Sure, yeah.” Percy deadpanned, knowing that it meant something, at least. 

“But they can't see this, so I'm going to wipe your memory away.” at that, Percy stepped back from the god's embrace, “Do you have some sort of diary? So that after you'll know what to do.”

“No? And you can't wipe my memory—” It was now Percy's turn to be angry.

“Sure, of course you don't. Why would you? You have ADHD.”

Has he even heard him? If Dionysus thinks that Percy's just going to let him take his memories away, he's fucking wrong. “Well that doesn't matter, because I won't let you take my memories.” 

“Yeah yeah, whatever. You think if you suddenly start a to do list next to your bed, you'll try to do it? Eventually?” Was the camp director seriously just ignoring him? Now? He can always change his mind, Mr. D won't kill him after admitting to not wanting him dead, right?

“Well I can go and tell Annabeth to make me do that later.” he suggested, irritated. 

“Annabelle! Yes!” Wait, seriously? Percy might just get a good idea to realize? “No!” fuck. “She's too smart.. she'll never not try to stop you from doing anything stupid.” which, true. That's exactly why he wanted her there. “Ahh, if only my brother were here..” he wondered.

“Which one?” Percy asked. Surely, Ares wouldn't help here in any way, only meddling to maybe start a conflict between Dionysus and Zeus. Apollo, then? 

Before he wondered more, he was a answered, “The snakey flying one.” Mr. D said.

“Hermes?” Percy asked again, confused. Sure, he got Aphrodite and Zeus quickly, but he would have no idea who could ‘The snakey flying one’ be if not Hermes. With all these, names, he couldn't be too sure.

“Don't say his name!” Mr. D ran to him but stopped mid track before he could hold him by the shoulders and shake. “Are you stupid?! Oh great! he's here, I can feel him..”

As one god was standing in the middle of the room with a quite pained expression, another's laughs could be heard all around the room. Before the being showed itself, a voice joined the other sounds. “I must say, what a brilliant speech you gave..”

What a weird sensation that was, hearing every other word once in his right and left ear alternatively. 

Apparently, Dionysus had not had patience to wonder, or perhaps the other god just didn't affect him as much. “Stop with that! Musicals are my thing!”

“Calm down, now.” Percy heard from beside his back and jumped at the sight of someone standing there. “A little birdie told me,” he looked at the demigod and smiled. “that you're planning something.. mischevious?” Hermes averted his gaze back to his sibling. “And that's my thing, so.”

For a few seconds, there was silence. Again. Dam, it was so boring where there was no drama. And where during all of this has Chiron been? 

“Okay, fine.” Dionysus' right hand went up to massage his temples in order to calm himself, while his left made a 'begone' gesture the other god's way. “Now go away, brother.”

Hermes just giggled and flew in the air, sitting on it like a very comfortable cusion at the point right between the floor and the ceiling. “Nahh, I'm here to help you!”

Somehow, Percy wasn't too eager to belive him, and it seemed that Dionysus had similar thoughts because the side eye he gave his sibling as he looked him up and down was nasty. To be fair, the gods never wanted to help anyone from the goodness of their heart or some other sappy shit like that, everyone knew it. 

As Hermes giggled— can he fucking stop? At first the sound was pleasant to Percy's ears, but the more he hears it, the more he wants to begone. —, he quickly flew around to room to end up near the camp director. “For a small price.” 

There was no hesitation in Dionysus' voice as he looked at the other dissapointed. “Get out.” 

Hermes jumped out of his proxomity at that and held a hand to his heart. “Oh wow! Why so agressive, brother? You're hurting my feelings!”

Mr. D just scoffed at that and folded his arms on his chest. “Maybe I can't chase you down to Olympus, but I still can make you make you mad for a little while.” he said, then after a second added, “Though I'm not sure if that would change anything for you” with a little laugh.

“Aww, you're so sweet!” Hermes put his connected fists under his head as if he was standing before a crib and looking at a little baby.

It honestly was pretty funny to see the two gods interact because he didn't get to do that often. With the camp director? Never. So he wondered briefly if they were speaking like they would if he wasn't there. If he suddenly dissapeared, would they become their true forms and send some kind of waves instead of speaking? Maybe if Mr. D really liked them, he would answer his questions later? 

But the silence was defeating him as he looked around the room, kind of bored. With the way the gods were looking at each other, maybe they were speaking telepathically? The time they spent doing that without blinking, told Percy that maybe he was right. Then, Dionysus averted his gaze to the window behind Hermes and almost immediately asked, “What's your price?” with a tired sigh. 

“So glad you've come to your senses!” Hermes said, shooting into the air like some kind of rocket, flying around the room in an enthusiastic manner as he recounted all his plans and options to Dionysus. Percy had to dodge a few times so that they wouldn't end up on the floor if Hermes crashed into him at the speed at which he was currently speeding.

As he flew through the room, a tired Dionysus just extended his hand and waited. As he probably planned, Hermes flew right past him and the god of wine grabbed his clothes, stopping him. Hermes turned his head and the image of the two was so comedic Percy wanted to take a picture. 

“The price?” Mr. D asked once again, tilting his head and rising his eyebrows.

Hermes smiled warmly, “Oh you know, just giving up the theatre from all your various other domains—” he said as if it were an old mug to be given away freely. 

Dionysus instantly frowned as he yelled, “Never!”

“Well, do you want some mischeif delivered straight to daddy's door or not?” Hermes asked and it was his turn to raise his eyebrows. 

“Not for theatre!” Mr. D exclaimed. His eyes stared into nothingness as he loosened his grip on Hermes' cloth. “It was built for me..” he let the other completely so he could sit down on the chair. Were his feet shaking? Could a god even shake? “I helped shape it! You just want get the finished masterpiece! Ha!” he only looked up as he laughed. He then relaxed in his chair and pointed a finger at the other god that was now standing with a hand on his hip. “Only when I am rotting in tartarus for a thousand years I'll let you have it” he crossed his arms. “And it still wouldn't change history." 

“Suit yourself.” Hermes shrugged. “But I want some mischeif. I guess just have to tell father what wonderful job you're doing here, then! I mean, the kids love you, you love them, that's one good punishment!” 

And while Percy hated how he was greeted and welcomed to camp with a harsh voice telling him to pass a can of diet coke, hated how he had to scrub the toilets after not doing anything other than standing close to trouble, hated how every camper had to go through the god's uncaring posture and the unclaimed had to cramp in the already most populated cabin, even though there was surely something the camp director could do with that. 

But while Percy hated all of that, he never hated Dionysus himself. Okay, he disliked him ever since he met him, before he even knew who he was. But he never hated him. Alright, maybe when Tantalus was in charge and Mr. D didn't really care what he did to them, for only for a little. His resentment left him as soon as Dionysus gave them a celebratory feast when Chiron was back and Percy found some blue food lying around. 

That said, he wasn't sure he wanted the god out of camp. Sure, he was harsh. Yes, his punishments for nothing were horrible. But he would rather have that than another summer with Tantalus, even if this time Chiron would be around. 

“Wait!” He yelled before Hermes could dissapear into thin air again and both gods looked towards him, probably having forgot that he was still here. “Honestly, I don't belive him.” he nodded towards the god sitting. “I think that he's acting to make me belive that this isn't a punishment so that Zeus gives him something easier.” he said, taking a few steps near Hermes that was now once again visible fully to his eyes. “So what can I do for you to help me piss off the gods in order to make lord Dionysus more miserable? I hate him, honestly. And I want him to suffer here for eternity.”

Okay, Percy might've overdone it, but Hermes' no Apollo and he can't know that he's lying. Both gods were looking at him in silence and Percy wished that he could see what they were thinking. Their eyes were empty and soulless, almost as if they weren't even there, but Percy knew they both heard him clearly. 

Something he didn't want then happened, because the atmosphere changed. Percy himself felt the misery in the air as he saw Dionysus' eyes clear of the mist in them and make room to show the pure hurt the god was feeling as he looked at the boy with a pained face. 

“I don't belive you.” Hermes said, expressionless.

“Can't you see? He's still acting!” Percy yelled, trying to somehow tell Dionysus to go along with what he was doing. “He's the god of acting! He's not gonna do anything else but act, to make you belive that he loves it here so that you go to the god king and make him change punishments.” 

Percy tried to improvise, to really feel the hate in him. To show these gods that he really belived his words. In seventh grade, he wanted to join the school play, but didn't get any role because he was not convincing enough. Not long after, he got thrown out of the school and everyone there remembered him as the kid that got thrown out for setting the play props on fire because he didn't get in. Now, he knew it was a Chimera waiting for him, thinking he was going to be there based on his smell still probably lingering. 

He prayed to whoever that his acting was convincing enough now. He saw something glister, like, literally glister in Dionysus' eyes. And even though nothing changed about him, Percy knew that he knew. 

Hermes smirked as he looked between them and stepped from the air, standing on the floor opposite to Percy. “You see, kid,” he gestured to Dionysus behind him, “This guy's problem is that he wants something, but can't give up something else for it.” 

“Aren't we all like that?” Percy asked, still wanting to negotiate.

“I'm not giving up the theatre.” Dionysus said at the same time, causing Hermes to leave Percy and turn his head around. 

“Oh I'm not talking about the theatre right now.” he assured his brother. “You asked me last time, did you not? I was feeling nice, gave you some advice, but you didn't listen.” 

Percy perked at that, “Mr. D? What's he talking about?” he asked, alarmed. 

Turning back, Hermes focused on Percy again. “Your little attempts were truthly so foolish of you, little demigod. Trying to trick the god of trickery? Ah, ah, ah!” Hermes put a finger on Percy's chest, and the boy felt the electricity travelling in his veins at the touch. “He already asked for my help, and I gave it to him for free. I do not need to be the god of lies to know your facade because he told me the truth some time ago.” 

Percy felt his blood running through him, but he couldn't give up yet. Not his thing, really. “What was your advice?”

“You see, Percey,” he said, playfully. “There are some rumours on Olympus already. That, you know, he likes it here. So to say, to kill two birds with one stone, the easiest thing he could do to get stuck here for longer and to reassure everyone that he hated it here, was to simply make some kids go insane.” He smiles wickedly as Mr. D stared blankly into the floor. This time, Percy wasn't so sure he was still listening to this conversation. He knew he wouldn't want to if he was in the god's place. “but he can't even manage that.” Hermes ended, forcing Dionysus out of his trace. 

He looked at his brother firstly, then at Percy behind him. Silence. Then Mr. D relaxes and looks at Hermes with some new found confidence as he says, “Let's compromise.”

Hermes instantly turns to him again, clearly interested but trying to look like he doesn't care for his brother's offer. "Well, what do you propose?" 

Dionysus smirked and nodded “Remember when we were younger and you and Sunny desperately wanted me to make a musical with you?” he asked, but Percy felt that the question was rethorical.

Hermes gasped and turned to the other fully, having his back to Percy now. He put his finger in the air, “First of all, we were not desperate. Second of all, yes! Last I talked about that with 'Pollo, we were both still holding a grudge, by the way.”

Dionysus rolled his eyes and shifted slightly in his seat. “Well, what do you say for a new project, brother?” he narrowed his eyes and tilted his head again, but smiled. “I even know where to find the right cast and audience!” he opened his eyes fully to look enthusiastically at Percy. 

Percy gaped. “Hades no..” he swore under his breath, but was sure that both gods heard him anyway. 

“Don't be dumb, Peter.” he waved his hand at him in a dissmissive manner. “Not you! Obviously I meant the camp.” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Percy ignored, Hermes held a hand to his chin. “Well, I'll have to ask Sunny." He said, still suspicious. “What part would I get?”

Dionysus thought for a few seconds, obviously not expecting it to work so soon. “Uhh, I mean, surely we should have the god of music write the music, don't you think? And I'll take care of the script and actors.. you could write the jokes? You're good at that, right?” 

The other god looked sceptical, his brows closer together and a pout on his lips. “You said my jokes are shitty.” 

“Whaaat?” Dionysus was suprised at that. Or maybe just acted like that. Probably that. “I didn't say that, surely..” 

“Three hundred and twenty one years ago, when I said that your child has weird eyes when you said they're similar to yours.” Hermes recalled without any problems. 

Mr. D panicked for a second but then remembered. “Because you insulted my son!” 

“He was a pigeon, for our sake!” Hermes bit. 

“Alright! You write the jokes and you can tell 'Pollo to give you a song or two. But that's it!" Dionysus quickly said, probably to not have to give the other anything else. 

"Yay!!" Hermes clapped and jumped around happily in place, agreeing with excitement. 

“Now begone!” Dionysus said, frustrated. 

“What about helping you stay with your minions?” Hermes asked innocently. 

“Right.” Dionysus suddenly stopped and calmed down. “What do you think I should do?” 

While Hermes thought deeply about all the best possibilities, Percy walked the few steps to Mr. D and said, “I can't belive you got him to agree. If I was him, I would never.” quietly, and hoping that Hermes was too busy to listen added. “Not for a musical, at least. That's dumb.” 

“I think Percy's right.” His blood ran cold as he heard Hermes' words. Was he going to say the deal's off now that Percy offended him? Was Dionysus going to kill him for ruining his chances? He was sure that his face was pale already when Hermes looked up and saw their scared expressions. He waved a hand at them dissmissively and giggled at the realisation of what they thought was happening. “Oh, not that. You, foolish demigod, have no idea what joy it gives me to fulfill something me and my brother have dreamed ever since musicals were invented.” he calmed them. “I was thinking of that thing Percy said when he thought he could trick the god of tricks.” 

The boy thought back to his dumb show and asked, “You mean convincing your father that he loves it here so he would free him?” that surely couldn't be it. When Hermes nodded, confirming that, he wondered why the god had taken his performance into consideration. “Why?” 

“Well, that's very simple.” Hermes started, “When he realizes that he's being tricked, he'll be so angry at his mere audacity that he'll be here easily for another hundred or two.” 

At that, everything made sense. Because, what could possibly be a bigger disrespect to the king than trying to get out of his punishment and lying to him? Okay, maybe overthrowing, but the first one is still a big offence. 

“Makes sense. So, first step is to convince him that I like it here and the second to convince him that I am lying about it. Sounds easy. But how do we do any of that when I can't even leave camp?” Dionysus said, sceptical. 

Hermes bursts into the air and lies on his imaginary cusion for the second time that day. “Well, I could say that one of my children prayed for you to be back to normal, something about you being weirdly nice. He's going to want to check it out, so you'll have to act all nice to every camper that day,” 

“So just as I would like to act normally?” Dionysus said, though Percy still laughed the irony of that. Hermes only nodded, shooting a quick amused smile to Percy. “Okay, what then?” 

Hermes put his hand under his chin, probably thinking very hard. “Oh us.. I wish little owl was here to help us. She's the planning one, usually.” he said Percy's way. 

Just before Percy agreed that he has his own and smaller version of Atena, a loud bang against the door could be heard and they all turned to look towards it. “Percy?!” Annabeth's voice rung out and the gods turned to him as he looked at them questioningly. “Are you in there?!” 

Percy took a few steps towards the entrance and maybe it was visible on his guilty face that he was going to open the door because Dionysus opened his mouth. What came out of it wasn't really his voice though, it was Chiron's. “Percy's not here, Annabeth. He left a while ago, actually. Sorry to dissapoint you.” he even faked the hooves again, by stomping his feet on the wooden floor, but somehow changing the sound.

Percy wanted to yell at her, then at them, but he found that when he tried to, he was literally silent. Even though the air was passing through him, and even though he was sure he was speaking, no sound came out of him. He looked at the gods, but they just stared at him like he was the one to do something wrong. When he heard Annabeth go and saw her silhouette leaving from one of the side windows, he felt something in his throat and when he choked for more air, he heard it. 

He looked at Dionysus, betrayed. “She could've helped you!” he yelled, though it was no use now that the girl was probably far away.

Dionysus shook his head and put a hand on Percy's shoulder. “No, the more people know, the harder it'll become to pull this off.” he said, to comfort him probably, but in Percy's mind it was just so weird.

Hermes snapped his fingers and Percy briefly saw a glowing lightbulb above his head. “Okay, I got it. When he'll see for himself and call you, you'll say something about how you've had a change of heart, and ask him if you can stay there permanently.”

“So just as I would say if I belived he wanted my happiness?” Dionysus joked and they all laughed. 

“Exacly. Then I'll say I think you're lying and that I can smell the trick you're trying to pull, and suggest calling Sunny to see if what you're saying is true. We get him to say that you obviously hate camp and want to deceive him into freeing you. Dad thinks that he's cool and smart and all that so he gives you another hundred as another punishment, and BAM! You're here!” he enthusiastically explains everything and ends with his hands in the air. 

Percy and Dionysus look at him, then at themselves. The latter looks like he wanted to ask him something, but Percy shrugged and said, “Suits me. I'm gonna go and and find Chiron.”

Before any of them could stop him, he barges out of the door and slams them behind himself. Which, it was true. Partly. He's going to go and find Chiron, just, in a second. For now, he squats and goes to the side window that everyone knows is a little loose. 

Look. He knows that it's not his problem anymore, since Hermes thought of a plan that doesn't include him, and he's really happy about it. It's just.. he has a chance of answering his previous question whether or not gods talk to themselves in other ways when there's no mortals around. He sneaked and didn't risk looking through the glass. He was there only to listen. And didn't want to accidentally look at one of the gods' true form, but that's besides the point. Having already missed some of what had been said since he got out, he strained his ears to hear as much as possible.

Instantly, he heard Hermes. No giddiness came from him, his voice now serious and not fussy about the matter. “On one other condition.”

Mr. D sighed and answered pretentiously, “For the last time, You won't ever get theatre! You'll get the the show. Take it or leave it.”

Hermes didn't laugh as he practiced his field of bargaining. He totally ignored Dionysus' previous words as he said, “I want to visit my kids.”

Silence. Percy almost leaned out to see what was happening, but managed to stop himself from doing it. He seriously couldn't risk it. 

After a few long seconds, Dionysus' shock came through. “What?”

Hermes didn't wait to repeat himself. “I want to be able to visit my kids.”

Percy could literally see in his mind as the camp director furrowed his brows as he said, “I'm not holding you back.” almost as if he was offended that the other could even suggest something like that.

“Huh?” It was Hermes' turn to be taken aback.

Dionysus elaborated. “You can visit your kids if you want, you just don't.” he spat like venom.

“But father said..” Hermes became quiet, probably thinking.

“What did father say, Hermy?” Dionysus was disturbed.

“That you're not letting parents visit their kids because it's.. bla bla bla, sorry, can't remember.” 

“What?! I never forbid you from coming here!” Dionysus said.

“What?” they were both obviously shocked. “Oh that little, scheming..” for a few long minutes, there was silence, and Percy had no idea what was happening only from the slight shuffling he was hearing. He almost left, thinking that nothing more would be worth knowing, but then Hermes spoke again. “Thank you. I'll go see Sunny after nightfall and we'll come back to keep you some company.” 

Silence again, and Percy just couldn't hold himself down with the ground anymore. He slowly stood up and peeped through the dusty windows. What he saw was kind of a schocking view, to be honest. Mr. D looked like he was barely holding up, letting himself be vunerable with his sibling, while the other was holding his arms around him, as if he was reassuring him. They were hugging. Dionysus looked up and said, “What if he won't agree? Or something else goes wrong, like, he'll call Forseti instead?” even the god of mischeif wasn't smiling now, knowing that the consequenses of being caught in a lie to their father was harsh. But, after all, wasn't that what they were hoping for? Go big or go home or something like that.

Hermes put his hand up and caressed the others' cheek calmly. Their faces were close, eyes looking each other almost like they were speaking only with their thoughts. Then Hermes smiled kindly, and said, “It'll be alright, don't worry.” the god leaned in and kissed the corner of Dionysus' lips, then his famous smirk was back on his face just as he was back to his jokes. “After all, what do you expect of me?” when Dionysus smiled, his mood clearly better, they let go of each other and Hermes jumped on the table, “I am the best of the best indeed!” he pointed a finger at himself in a proud manner. 

Dionysus laughed a little, but after a few seconds, rolled his eyes and said, “Okay, but get off of my table! I eat there.” he scolded his brother, but it was clearly in a playful manner and they didn't fight about it. As Hermes jumped in the air and swirled around, kicking the old chandelier and making it swing, he earned another scolding from Mr. D, this time less playful. Then he looked straight at Percy and winked. Percy didn't have any time to duck his head under the windowsill before the god dissapeared completely and Mr. D was alone again. 

He observed as the old god sat on his chair and sighed, one hand on his face and the other holding a can of coke that— okay, what in Hades, do the gods have an inventory and they can just pull things out of their asses? He didn't turn on the old television-box, didn't go to tantalize any camper, didn't do anything other than sit and stare at the wall with a blank expression, taking a sip out of the infinite can every few minutes. Percy left, suddenly knowing much more than he intended.

As he walked through the camp, he was deep in thoughts that he wanted to dismiss. This wasn't his business, so he would forget everything that had just happened. When he was on his way to find Annabeth so that she could distract him, he realized that he didn't even get what he went into the old house for. He didn't belive what he was doing, but he only wished Mr. D good luck and breifly wondered when the gods' show would be, before suddenly feeling something weird in brain that stopped him in his tracks for a second. Nobody seemed to mind that, after he regained the control of his body, he was weirder than usual for some time. Almost as if he went crazy for a few minutes. 

When he got back to normal, he looked around, not remembering how he ended up there, and went to look for Chiron. The old house was locked (since when were the locks there?), but he luckily bumped into the centaur on his way back. The half-man told him that they, theorethically, could indeed ask Rachel via rainbow to order them some pizzas with delivery to the border. He went to deliver the news to Annabeth, who yelled at him for being gone for two hours.