Work Text:
Carve your name into my arm
Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed
'Cause there's nothing else to do
Every me and every you
-Placebo
It started on New Year's Eve.
Shane's brows raised when Ilya explained his request with a small smirk on his face.
"You wanna keep it in the whole time?" Shane clarified as he stroked at the mole on Ilya's cheek, just to make sure he was hearing things right.
"Yeah," Ilya murmured, rubbing at his nose with his thumb. Shane took the little black butt plug from Ilya, closing his fingers around the slim, tapered tip. They used this on Ilya all the time for fun so Shane wasn't surprised by the request from Ilya for Shane to insert it himself. He motioned for Ilya to lie down on his tummy, and Ilya went easy, immediately rolling over to lie on his tummy. The immediacy was what made Shane's eyes narrow. Ilya never got that easily into this position. He needed to be really emotional or needy or a little tipsy. Basically, it needed to be a very specific mindspace. Hm. Interesting. Ilya was none of those things today.
Shane reached for the bedside drawer where they kept the lube. He was feeling fun today so this time he reached for the bottle of hot extra warming lube to slick the plug with. This lube was more his speed so he was curious how Ilya would feel about it especially in his hole.
Ilya gasped when Shane pulled him up by the hips so he could wedge a pillow between the mattress and Ilya's tummy. Running his palm over Ilya's buttcheek made Shane's breathing quicken some. His dick was very interested in the way Ilya obediently spread his legs for the hole exposé. Ilya presented himself in many ways. This one was not so common. It always did something a little extra special for Shane. Especially when Ilya had told him no man had gotten to see this side of him. All these years, Shane hadn't really been interested in flipping their dynamic. But he liked knowing that no one had really gotten to have Ilya that way. Not even sexually adventurous Svetlana had managed to coax Ilya into getting pegged.
He was like this only for Shane.
Ilya was always initially tight when Shane would try to breach with fingers. He expected this and wasn't surprised at the lack of give this time either.
"Breathe," Shane instructed, fond as ever. His husband was so eager to do this but his hole stayed reflexively shut. "Is it shy again?"
"Gospodi," Ilya exclaimed, and Shane laughed. His husband was a bad influence after all these years. They were turning 35 together in the coming year.
"Well?" Shane pushed, brushing the pad of his index finger over Ilya's hole, an amused tease. It winked open once and Shane went for the entrance, letting it trap his finger. The clamp was tight and Shane bent over to give Ilya's upper back a wet press of his lips.
"A little bit shy," Ilya murmured. His nape and cheeks were pink with blush. "It's not used to saying hi to you.”
Delighted by that response, Shane kept patiently rubbing at Ilya's hole.
"How can you handle that beginner butt plug if you have trouble even letting two of my fingers in?" Shane breathed out. He was turned on, cock protruded obscenely in his briefs.
Ilya groaned. That condescension seemed to help because finally he seemed to relax enough for Shane to get two fingers in. The hot warming lube was also starting to have an effect because Ilya pushed his butt up with a surprised sound. Shane smiled, pressing another wet kiss to the other side of Ilya's upper back. He loved all these moles even if every single one of them worried him and he made Ilya go every six months to get them examined by an excellent dermatologist. A few were already removed. None of them looked off to Shane right now. He checked obsessively himself.
"Shane," Ilya murmured, looking back at him. His usually blue-green eyes looked darker in the dim light. They often looked grayer when filled with hazy desire. "Put it in."
Shane's mouth went dry. For a few hot seconds, he nearly took off his briefs and ripped open a condom. The plug. Right, the plug.
He grabbed it with fumbling fingers, and nearly scowled at it. Something in his gut felt like lead.
Ilya took the plug easier than Shane expected. What was weird was the frustrated sound Ilya let out when Shane slid it all the way in and gave his butt a gentle tap of all done.
"What's the matter?" Shane asked, concerned.
Ilya took a deep breath. Shane watched Ilya reach behind with his own hand to press on the flared end of the plug, as if trying to push it further in. His own cock throbbed at the sight. Then Ilya slowly pulled himself together, and fluidly got up. He was wearing his signature smirk again and Shane melted into his usual role again: submissive and needy.
"So good," Ilya murmured, kissing Shane's temple. "You took care of me so well. Now it's my turn, hm?"
"Please," Shane said, his voice already turned needy and brittle. He would always need Ilya to bend him over and give him a good pounding.
Always.
*
The small plug wasn't enough anymore. It simply wasn't doing it. Ilya's tabs were filthy these days. One after another tab of some of the biggest plugs and dildos were dominating the past seven days of internet browsing on his cellphone browser. His porn was also starting to change in flavour. Everytime he went to the usual sites, his searches were now hyper-specific and increasingly desperate: Hung Asian Top Destroys White Bottom. The search results were exactly 21 on any of the shitty sites Ilya frequented. He had watched each one more than five times while beating off, and none of them even really did it for him, given that the Asian tops in all the videos didn't exactly have Shane's stocky, solid, undeniably masculine built.
After fucking Shane with the plug in him the whole time, it was like a light bulb had gone off in Ilya's brain. They had been together for so many years now and what they usually did continued to work for Ilya.
But Ilya was a greedy man and he wanted more.
To his credit, Shane didn't look all that surprised when two weeks later in January, on a weekend break, a nervous Ilya presented him with a new butt plug, pink in colour.
"This one is bigger than your usual," Shane commented, looking it over. "Did you buy a set?"
Ilya winced. That was the question he was hoping Shane wouldn't ask.
"No," Ilya lied. He rubbed at his nose with his thumb.
Shane stared at him for a beat longer with those pretty eyes of his, unrelenting. Ilya folded like a house of cards.
"Yeah, it is."
"Can I see the set?”
"Right now? When I am trying to be sexy and want you to put this one in my ass?" Ilya asked, with a deadpan sarcastic tone, hoping it would either stall or detract. Shane didn't bite. He gave Ilya a resolute look, and Ilya threw his hands up with an eye roll. His cheeks felt hot with embarrassment as he pushed himself off the mattress and grumbled under his breath.
Their king sized bed had drawers under the wooden slats which supported their mattress. Left side drawers were Shane's, right side Ilya's. They never touched each other's drawers.
"First time crystal booty anal plug set," Shane read the label out loud. Ilya sighed, aggrieved. He buried his face in his own pillow and screamed as Shane cackled next to him.
"Yeah, okay. So what? We have bought other toys before. Shane, why are you sex-shaming me?" If he sounded whiney, so be it.
"We bought those toys together and I am content with our choices," Shane said. "But you are buying these new toys and all you are buying is toys for buttplay."
"God forbid a man is 35 and wants to try new things," Ilya complained, voice muffled in his pillow.
"Neither of us are 35 yet so stop being dramatic," Shane retorted. "Baby, what is this about?”
Ilya lifted his face up from the pillow. His cheeks were an extremely ruddy pink, meticulously styled curls a bit messy. He mopped a hand over his face and sighed.
"I mean, yeah, I wouldn't mind more of that, you know?"
"Mind what?"
"Buttplay," Ilya admitted. "I-I wouldn't mind more of it for myself."
"You wouldn't mind it or you want it?"
Ilya chewed on his cheek. Shane was being so serious and sweet. Ilya just wanted Shane to touch him and kiss him. His husband looked so pretty even in a white shirt and grey sweats. Shane's dark hair falling very attractively in his eyes and Ilya wanted to smooth out the choppy, silky bangs. He reached out to do just that, and was rewarded with a loving look on Shane's face. His dick twitched in his shorts because it was still so pathetically responsive to Shane in every which way, even after all these years.
"I want it," Ilya confessed.
Shane smiled. "Alright."
"You okay with that?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know," Ilya said, feeling very unsure. "I mean, you would be the person to indulge me with that right now? I mean, I can figure it out myself, no problem."
Shane's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, you will figure it out yourself?"
"I-I can explore on my own."
"What do you mean? Are you saying you wanna explore this with other men?"
Ilya blanched. "What the fuck, no... Shane, no! I just meant I can play with myself! You don't have to do it if you're not into it!"
Shane's face cleared. He laughed to himself, albeit a bit brokenly. Ilya remembered their old conversation from years ago when he'd suggested opening their relationship for Shane to maybe play with other men and wanting to throw up the minute he suggested it himself.
He grabbed Shane's hand and kissed the back of it.
"Come to me for anything you want," Shane said quietly. "Don't-don't do it on your own. Come to me. Or show me. I don't want you to do that alone."
"Oh I see, now you're jealous of my right hand?"
Shane's lips curved. When he kissed Ilya, it was hard and possessive and Ilya melted into it. He was still scared. Pushing Shane had historically never been a good move from Ilya's part.
He let Shane insert the smallest butt plug from the set in his ass. He let Shane ride him after and clenched on the plug, feeling full and overwhelmed on both ends. Shane was so beautiful on top of him, cock flopping up and down as he expertly rolled his hips down and Ilya tried to match his rhythm with upwards thrusts.
The plug still didn't feel like it was giving him enough of a stretch but Ilya was also anxious and felt like his hole was still too fussy to upgrade to a bigger size. He needed to go slow in this department and he was grateful Shane wasn't asking him too many questions about the sudden interest in plugs for himself. After they both orgasmed, Shane made to turn Ilya over to take the plug out. Ilya instinctively stopped him by batting Shane's hand away.
Shane's pretty features contorted with surprise.
"Leave it in," Ilya said. He couldn't meet Shane's gaze. He was feeling wrung out and weirdly vulnerable.
"Okay," Shane agreed.
Ilya stretched out on the bed, trying to look casual about it. He took a deep breath. Shane was looking at him with a strangely intense look.
Neither of them said anything as they eventually rolled out of bed to shower together.
Ilya got to his knees in the shower with the plug still inside him and blew Shane again.
He felt hot and sexy the whole time.
*
Ilya started wearing the next biggest plug in the set. This one gave him more of that stretch he was looking for and it felt like it was punching the air out of his chest when he would slick it up with lube and his hole would gape around the widest part. He would lie in bed with his knees hugged to his chest, dick half-hard from the initial discomfort, as he would stare up at the ceiling, listening to Shane bustling around in the kitchen and Anya barking for treats.
He would tell himself it was just for practice. Practice for what? Hell, Ilya wasn't even sure himself. It was fun in a mindless sort of way. He hadn't touched his hole this much ever since he was a curious teenager. Now he was in his mid-thirties and it felt like he couldn't stop doing it ever since he started.
He started having too much fun with it. It was like having a sexy little secret all for himself. He would carry one in his luggage even while they traveled for games around the country and to the States. Whenever he had a spare moment, Ilya would lock himself in the washroom, bend over the counter facing all their vanity products and prod himself open with lubed fingers. Next the toy would go in.
He was starting to become good at taking it.
There was something kind of hot about not telling Shane about it even if his husband told him there was no need to explore on his own. But there was something heady about keeping it all to himself for now. Ilya had started having sex too young. The sex had mainly started off as a way to cope with all the grief of losing his mother at the time. He would lose himself in the relief of companionship casual sex provided, no matter how short it lasted. It was good not to be alone, to have a warm body and mouth pressed against his own, to shut down all the other bad emotions.
But Ilya wasn't alone anymore. He had Shane. They had sex and plenty of it.
He could relish in this fun little thing and indulge it for himself.
At first, Shane didn't realize how much of a thing this had become for Ilya. He found out for himself one Saturday in March while on his knees for Ilya, sucking Ilya's cock.
Ilya was leaning against their bedroom door, legs slightly spread out to give Shane better access to kneel in between and run his palms over the sensitive skin of Ilya's inner thighs.
Shane was bobbing his head with his eyes closed. Fascinated by the fan of Shane's lashes, Ilya ran his thumbs shakily over the band of Shane's beautiful freckles over the apples of his cheeks as he always did.
"Shane," Ilya groaned. "Sweetheart. So good. Yeah, just like that. Like that. Fuck."
Shane hummed in content. He was doing his favourite thing, sweetly obedient and responsive to Ilya's burning, aching need. Ilya kept fucking Shane's mouth. Shane wet his fingers with the spit pooling out the sides of his mouth, and Ilya moaned when his balls were fondled. He was so sensitive there, and Shane always ruthlessly exploited this information. He was pent up with the way Shane went further up, rubbing on his taint, his cock still in Shane's mouth.
As Shane went further up, his head-bobbing abruptly stopped when the pads of his fingers hit the plug nestled in Ilya's asscrack.
Ilya was too dazed to register anything including the momentary pause. Shane picked up his pace again, kept his fingers pressed to the flared end of the plug and didn't let up till Ilya spilled in his mouth.
Ilya pulled Shane up and smiled loosely as he shakily wiped the sides of Shane's mouth dry and Shane wound up with his arms around Ilya's waist.
"Good?" Shane asked, their foreheads pressed together.
Ilya hummed his assent. Shane's eyes snapped open.
"You're wearing a plug," He said.
Ilya swallowed. His nerves got the better of him. He didn't know what to say.
"I am," He said simply.
Shane leaned in to kiss Ilya. It was not a gentle kiss. He crushed their mouths together and Ilya was roughly crowded up further against the door, helpless to do anything but take what Shane wanted to give in. He tried not to but he was pretty sure someone whimpered and it wasn't Shane who made that pathetically needy high-pitched sound.
Shane's nails dug in on the skin of Ilya's hips. The plug felt weighty inside him even if it was nothing like Shane's own toys.
Ilya felt like everything in him was lit up with desire for Shane in that moment. He wanted Shane in some kind of way. He wasn't even sure what he wanted but he wanted Shane. God, he wanted this man. He wanted to fuse their bodies and have them stuck together every which way.
He was so in love it was frightening that it was still so intense after more than a decade.
"That's hot," Shane said. His usually calm and level Canadian accent was pitched lower. He sounded gruff in a way Ilya wasn't used to hearing and it made Ilya's body sing. "Is this one bigger?"
Ilya blinked at his husband, lips parted. He smiled and bit down on his lower lip at the same time.
"Why don't you find out for yourself, sweetheart?"
Shane made a frustrated sound. Ilya yelped as he was gracelessly flipped around and Shane gave his buttcheek a light slap. That made Ilya laugh.
He wasn't used to Shane handling him like this. Not his careful, gentle, deliberate Shane who overthought and left it up to Ilya to make these sorts of moves. Shane only manhandled him like this when he was emotionally overwrought.
He gasped, head hitting the door when Shane pulled out the plug but only halfway through, keeping it like that for Ilya to feel the burn of the stretch. Ilya's hole fluttered helplessly and his nails scrabbled at oak, palms flat against their door.
"Oh, it is bigger," Shane remarked, and his casual tone was doing too many things to Ilya.
"Yeah. It's the second one in that set I showed you."
"I see. Shall I take it out?"
Ilya tensed. He stayed silent, body trembling with shyness. He faced their bedroom door.
"Sure," Ilya replied, feigning nonchalance. He felt like he was going to burst into tears, absurdly enough. What the hell. He simply had to get over himself.
Shane smoothly slid it out. Ilya sniffled. He tried not to sound loud about it but a tear rolled down his cheek nevertheless. His hole gaped around nothing and he felt so empty inside.
His heart was aching.
Shane leaned in and pressed a kiss to Ilya's nape. Then he slid the plug back into Ilya's hole and Ilya nearly sobbed in relief.
"Thank you," Ilya said quietly. His eyes closed. His palms were still pressed against the door.
Shane hugged him like that for a long moment.
Neither of them spoke.
*
Ilya was well past the butt plugs now. His husband's ADHD was unmedicated which meant that Shane found a giant pink penis dildo in their washroom basin one day while Ilya was out on a walk with Anya. He huffed out a laugh and opened one of their cabinets for the giant bottle of biodegradable toy cleaner he always kept stocked.
It was not ... small. Had Ilya really used this on himself this morning while Shane was working out in their basement? This one was also new. Shane had never seen it before.
He had a feeling Ilya was definitely wearing a small plug while outside with Anya right now. Shane groaned, hips bucking against the counter, as he soaped up Ilya's dildo.
Ever since Ilya had begun playing with his hole and Shane had kind of found out, he felt like he was in a cursed state of semi-permanent hardness. It's not like they didn't have sex either. Last night Ilya had bent Shane over the leather couch in the living room. The day before, Shane had rode Ilya in a deserted parking lot somewhere, in the backseat of their SUV. But every single round only left Shane even more keyed up and hot for more. More from Ilya, more, more, more.
It was like they were back in their early 20s, hungry for each other at any given moment.
He decided to give in to his curiosity and yanked open Ilya's drawer to slip the dildo back in. Ilya never noticed when Shane cleaned his stuff up and put it away for him. He wouldn't even notice.
Shane's eyes widened at the sight of Ilya's toy collection. He was not looking at cute little beginner sized butt plugs anymore. There were multiple phallic and non-phallic shaped dildos, a couple of prostate massagers, one wand-shaped, the other more shaped to be taken up the ass and worn for longer, and one butt plug which was so fat it made the size queen in Shane blush.
Holy shit.
If Ilya was able to handle the sizes of these toys now, that meant he could. Well, he might not want to.
But he could.
Shane felt very insecure. He wasn't confident he could deliver on that front. Initially when they started out having sex, that had been a major mental roadblock for Shane. He wasn't bringing any sexual prowess to the table himself and at the time, he'd been wanting to fall into that submissive bottom mindset himself, desperate for Ilya to help him experience that side of himself. To give up control at the time because he had needed Ilya to see him for who he was off the ice, and meet him for what he really was like in bed.
But they were older. Shane wasn't inexperienced anymore. He had only ever been with Ilya and he wanted to keep it that way. But he felt like he was long overdue to try new things with Ilya himself.
He just wasn't sure he would be able to make Ilya happy this way.
What if he couldn't deliver and Ilya was so disappointed he would try to find someone else?
Shane beat off to the thought of it anyway, sitting on Ilya's side of the bed. He thought about Ilya spread out on bed for him, looking punch-drunk with pleasure, begging for Shane to just do it.
Shane had a feeling he would make Ilya beg for it.
It would only be right.
*
"I was bad when we had sex, right?"
Rose spat out a mouthful of her latte. Shane winced, and sipped at his iced Americano. He stared longingly at the slice of rainbow cake she had ordered.
"Why are you asking about that all of a sudden?"
Shane shrugged, trying and failing to look casual about it.
"Just wondering."
"Just wondering," Rose echoed, in disbelief. She pushed the plate of cake towards him. Shane caved and took a forkful of the cake. It tasted heavenly. The sugar made him so happy it was unbelievable.
"Well yeah, it wasn't great," Rose said honestly. "But I assumed there was the whole me being a woman aspect of it, y’know?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Why do you ask?" Rose wondered, confused. "You told me, and I recall, that you preferred to be the hole instead of the peg."
Shane smiled at that memory.
"That was the same time I came out to you."
"Yeah. I learned many things about my boyfriend that day."
Shane looked around. He sighed. Rose stared at him patiently.
"I might have changed my mind about that. Always wanting to be the hole instead of the peg, that is."
Rose's brows shot up towards her hairline.
"Wow."
"Yeah. It's a wow for me as well."
"What brought this on?"
Shane opened his mouth and stopped. He did this a few times and huffed at himself, rolling his eyes.
"What can I say? My husband is a very hot man."
Rose clapped her hands in delight.
"My god, I've never seen a more loserish monogamous couple in my life.”
"Rose," Shane said, with a long-suffering sigh. But he was smiling. He hesitated a bit before continuing.
"I think Ilya may want to try ... that."
"Bottoming?"
Shane's face turned pink. He looked around and hissed at her.
"Say that a bit louder, why don't you?"
"Sorry, sorry," Rose apologized. "Okay, so Ilya wants to try bottoming. You want to try topping. What exactly is the issue?"
Shane groaned. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb.
"The problem is the last time I was on top was when I was with you. I don't exactly bring a lot of experience from the topping department to the table."
"Yeah, but your husband does?" Rose pointed out. "Has he said anything to you about wanting to bottom?"
"Not directly, no," Shane said, with a shake of his head. He leaned in. "He keeps buying all these ... toys for assplay. He's started wearing plugs just for ... for fun. It's driving me absolutely insane. He doesn't tell me anything directly. I don't know how to talk to him about it."
"Have you considered that he barely brings any experience in the bottoming department to the table and he is probably just as nervous as you are? By the way, that's hot. Damn."
Shane looked annoyed.
"Hey, don't even think about it."
Rose laughed. "You can't expect to tell me that the most gorgeous Ilya Rozanov is walking around with a buttplug and not expect ladies to swoon just picturing it? He has always been so sexy..."
"Well, he's mine," Shane said, and leaned back in his chair with a smug smile.
"So make him yours, kitten," Rose said with a shrug, pointing her cake fork at him. "Bend him over and show him he's yours. Stop being so scared. All you can do is be yourself and love him the way he's asking you to. That man loves you. He'd probably love you for it even if it goes sideways the first time. And if it does, who cares? You have all the time in the world to get it right."
Shane stared at her with misty eyes. He smiled.
"You're right."
"Damn right, I always am."
*
It all came to a head the next morning after meeting Rose and making up his mind about it. Ilya came down late to breakfast as usual these days by 15-20 minutes and Shane was hard as a diamond already, knowing Ilya's flushed face and loose smile were a result of fingering himself open to fit in a plug in his ass.
Shane sat at the kitchen table, sipping at his breakfast smoothie with narrowed eyes while watching Ilya open the fridge to pull out the Eggo waffles pack from the freezer.
Ilya's movements were languid and slow, almost like the plug was satiating him every second. Shane had to relax his fingers around around his tall protein shake glass. He was afraid he might accidentally shatter it.
"Morning," Ilya said quietly. He tipped a couple of frozen waffles in the toaster. He turned back to slide Shane a tender look.
"Morning," Shane greeted him back. He kept sipping on his shake. He was forcing every cell in his body to stay normal. Ilya was wearing Shane's old black shirt and a pair of beige shorts. Shane was wearing an athletic shirt and silk shorts from his morning run and workout. He subtly pressed down on his raging erection. Not even a thirty minutes run had managed to cool him down.
He waited for both of them to be done breakfast. He was being good about it, wanting Ilya to eat first.
When breakfast was done, Shane sat on the couch. While Ilya was in the process of sidling up to Shane for a cuddle, he froze as Shane said, soft and deliberate: "Take off your shorts."
Ilya looked at him. His lips parted. Then he got off the couch and obeyed, dropping the shorts to expose his semi-hard cock.
Shane couldn't believe this show of obedience. In a voice, he didn't recognize, he ordered again: "Turn around for me."
Ilya's eyes fell down to look at his feet. He obeyed again and turned around.
Shane stared at the flared end of the fattest butt plug from Ilya's personal toy collection. This one had a pink gem on the end. Shane swallowed hard. His mouth was dry.
"Come here," Shane said. "Come closer."
Ilya laughed nervously. He backed up closer to stand in between Shane's legs. It was a beautiful sight, Ilya's round and pale ass with the pink gem studded in between.
"Why are you wearing these?" Shane asked. Mesmerized, he draped his fingers over the pink gem. He ran the backs of his fingers over Ilya's left asscheek. Ilya hissed out a sharp exhale.
When Ilya didn't say anything, Shane gave that same asscheek a sharp slap. Ilya gasped and shuddered. Shane wanted to grip a handful of Ilya's messy brown curls and mess them up ever further.
"Tell me, baby."
"I like the way they make me feel," Ilya finally said. He sounded so shy. It lit up something dark and depraved in Shane he didn't even know he had.
"How do they make you feel?"
Shane had to slap Ilya's right asscheek to get an answer. Ilya jerked forward. He seemed a bit dazed.
"Full," Ilya admitted. "Stuffed up."
"What is this really about, Ilya? Turn around and tell me."
Ilya turned around and looked at him. His eyes were dark grey again with desire. His cock was at half-mast, fully erect.
Shane was leaned back on the couch, staring up at Ilya.
"You," Ilya said simply, quiet and needy. "I need you."
Shane stared up at him for a few seconds, meeting his gaze. Then he pushed Ilya gently backwards and stood up himself. He pulled off his shirt and shorts, exposing his bare body. Ilya stared back at him, rapt.
He took Ilya's hand and lead his husband upstairs to their bedroom.
*
Ilya felt like they were 25 again. Except, they weren't in a penthouse suite anymore. He hadn't been intentionally self-harming himself by trying to avoid Shane's texts and then trying to drown his sorrows in hotel vodka, good as it was.
No, now they were on the cusp of turning 35 and they were in a beautiful marriage. But everything felt just as raw and exciting as it did in that penthouse suite when Ilya had attempted to ignore his family issues by drowning himself in vodka and Shane instead.
"Get on the bed."
Ilya complied, getting on all fours on the bed. Shane popped open the bedside drawer. Ilya's eyes fell shut as he begged: "No condoms, my love. Please."
Shane paused. The drawer clicked shut.
"Do I need lube?"
Ilya's chest shook with silent laughter.
"Do you think you will need lube?"
It was an invitation and Shane, for once, understood what Ilya was offering. He took it.
"I don't think I'll need lube. Not when you've been wearing plugs every single day we're free like a desperate slut."
Ilya bit down on his lower lip. His cock was so hard it hurt.
"I need you," Ilya repeated, feeling hysterical now that he was so close to what he needed from his husband. "Shane, please. I need you."
"Need me to do what?" Shane asked, sounding punched out himself. He pulled out the plug halfway through again. Ilya let out a ragged sob. The stretch was killing him but it was also very welcome. He had been working away at this for Shane for months now. He wanted to make this good for himself but also for Shane. After all, Shane deserved nothing but a good first experience with this. Ilya would always want to be good enough for Shane. Always.
"Fuck me," Ilya pleaded, broken and needy. "Fuck me, Shane. No one has done it before. You would be my first. Please, Shane. I need it.”
It seemed to be enough begging and foreplay for Shane. He tugged the plug out and Ilya heard it thud somewhere on the hardwood where it was sure to have made a dent. This didn't kill Ilya but he was surprised that Shane was far gone enough to not care about that. He was ready to burst into tears from the empty hollow feeling of the plug not in his hole when he did it anyway because Shane stuffed him with his cock instead.
"Good?" Shane asked, breathing hard and fast, like he couldn't believe he was getting to have this either.
Ilya was crying.
"So good," Ilya babbled. He was shaking, trembling all over like a leaf. His eyes rolled back as Shane started moving in him, raw and powerful. His fucking was fluid in a way Ilya always knew and imagined it correctly to be. Every thrust in made Ilya feel like he was being punched in the gut. He knew that was how Shane Hollaner would fuck. He couldn't believe that only he would get to experience this. That only Shane would get to have his hole. Ilya was no virgin, not by any long shot, but this experience felt like a first for them all over again.
"Fucking drove me crazy," Shane spat out, driving his cock in so hard Ilya was seeing stars. "All those toys. You were prepping yourself for me, weren't you?"
"Yes," Ilya confessed, crying badly. Tears were totally blurring his vision. "You don't see how much I love you? I'll do anything for you, Shane, Shane, please-”
"No other man got to have this with you, right?" Shane asked, sounding angry at even the very thought of it being true.
"No," Ilya gasped. "No, no, no, Shane, sweetheart, you are my first, my only now, you know that. This is all for you, only for you—"
Shane let out an inhuman sound. He flopped down and his pace became so brutal Ilya knew he wasn't going to be able to walk properly tomorrow or the day after. Maybe another five days. Who knew? Who fucking cared? Not Ilya, that's for sure.
Shane held Ilya down with a hand on his neck. He slowed down all of a sudden and let Ilya feel him halfway in. He paused, teasing. Ilya began crying again. He was broken without Shane. He needed him all the way in.
"No, no, no, please, Shane, how can you do this to me, you don't love me, you don't—”
"I love you so much," Shane rebutted, removing the hurt with fully sliding back in. He pressed sloppy kisses all over Ilya's exposed cheek and nape and sweaty curls.
"Then stay in me," Ilya said, tearful. "Never leave me. You will never leave me. You love me, you must stay. Keep it in."
"Okay," Shane soothed. "Okay, okay, okay." Ilya was in an emotional state. He grinded down in Ilya and spasmed out his release with a content sigh. Ilya groaned and came from friction against the sheets and Shane's softening cock in his hole.
Shane didn't pull out. He knew it would be too devastating to his husband. They stayed like that for a bit, coming down from their high.
"You think you need the plug again? I can't stay in here forever, baby."
Ilya laughed. It sounded fretful.
"Yeah. I-I need it.”
He knew Ilya was in tears the whole time he pulled out and jogged to the washroom to wash the plug. When he came back, Ilya was staring at him with red-rimmed eyes, puffy from all the tears. Shane slowly slid the plug back in, worried about Ilya's state down there. But Ilya seemed so vulnerable about this entire experience.
Maybe this was why they hadn't had sex like this all these years. Maybe this was why they'd needed to work up to it. It was too intense, too raw, too much this way.
It was too good.
Shane gathered Ilya up in his arms, and made him drink some water. A fruit roll up got Ilya a bit lucid but not by much.
Ilya was staring at him, soft and totally out of it and Shane was both amazed and terrified.
They would totally have to talk about this tomorrow.
*