Archive of Our Own ^beta

Thick-fringe

“Good god, if someone got me this one I’d immediately ghost them.” A young woman with pretty braids grimaces as she rapidly waves the offending valentines card in her sister’s face.

Her older sister shakes her head slightly, swishing her thick brown fringe as she blinks. She’s trying to see what could possibly inspire such venom, she gives up quickly, when her vision goes blurry. Pretty-braids stuffs the offending item back onto the shelf with disgust. Poor card.

“Ooh, this is the one!” Thick-fringe exclaims as she picks out a pink card with lots of cartoon green plants on.

“It’s Valentine’s Day, plant one on me… Really, El?” The younger of the sisters rolls her eyes dramatically. “That’s worse than that nuts one.”

“Didn’t you say there was a boy at college?... Did you want to get a card too?” Thick-fringe is clearly determined to wipe the smirk off Pretty-braids face.

The teenager blushes so deeply she’s almost purple. “NO! There is no boy. Shut up!”

Thick-fringe guffaws. “Alright, alright, let’s go then. We’ve been here far too long as it is. I don’t know if it’s the stuffy air or the thousands of heart balloons, but something about this place is making me woozy.” She grabs her envelope and heads to the counter to pay.

“Good choice,” says the man serving, with a raise of his eyebrows. “Now, is beau a plant daddy or a plant mummy? Or maybe a plant parent?”

“Errrr… what?” Thick-fringe notes his name tag, just in case she needs to tell the police later. It says ‘Brimsley’.

“Plant daddy,” Pretty-braids states with confidence, like she’s heard those terms a thousand times before.

Brimsley grins, “This one is very sweet but if you wanted something a little sexier...? Did you see the whore-ticulture one?” He’s looking at the sisters so earnestly, like he hasn’t just said the word whore-ticulture to two complete strangers.

“Err… no, thank you… this one is fine.” Thick-fringe’s eyebrows are in danger of fusing together, they are pulled so tight and Pretty-braids’s jaw is swaying very ungracefully as her eyes bug from her head.

“Ok, maybe the relationship is too new. Next year then.” Brimsley says to himself as he bags up the card and envelope. “Oh, don’t forget your free pen! We’re giving away a free pen from the pot just there, with every Valentine’s card purchase.”

Thick-fringe is eager to get out of there so she reaches over to the pot, fully intending to grab the first writing implement that touches her fingers but as her gaze lands on the collection of pens one of them practically leaps at her. A slender pale blue, metallic pen with a tiny book charm attached. It’s perfect for some reason and she immediately reaches for it.

“Wonderful!” beams Brimsley.

*****

“Woohoo! Good luck, El! Good luck, Phil!” Shouts Colin, unheard by Brimsley and the other humans in the shop. He tries his best to shuffle himself straight in line with the other cards. That girl really did a number on him.

Penelope watches him from the pen pot at the end of the card display. She breathes a huge sigh of relief. He’s still here! She’s still here! Thank God! She nearly spilled all her ink when he was lifted from the shelf and she nearly popped her cap when that woman dove in, her fingers brushing past her and over to El. Phew!

She’s delighted for her, but she’ll miss her pen-pal, El, so much! They’ve stuck together through thick and thin in this pot. Nearly three years, waiting to be chosen, watching other, fancier pens come and go, dealing with that nasty red marker, Cressida, in new and interesting ways. She’ll have to do that on her own now… At least Colin is still close by.

“Ugh finally, he’s gone! I wouldn’t have survived another day of his tedious succulent facts.” Fife a narrow, slightly flimsy card spits from the shelf below them.

Cressida’s red ink swirls as she giggles loudly at his stupid remark.

“I think he’s interesting,” Colin says in Phil’s defence.

Penelope’s ink glows a little. God, she loves it when he’s kind and when he cares, when he does anything really… Alright, calm down Penelope, you’re a gel pen not a fucking highlighter!

“You would say that, your cover is even worse than his.” Fife fires at Colin.

Colin’s corner curls a little in embarrassment.

“Well, at least he doesn’t have tits!” Penelope shouts at Fife without thinking.

Everyone (apart from Cressida) laughs as Fife flaps in anger.

Colin bounces a little as he giggles, shuffling closer to where Penelope sits in her pot. “Good one Pen,” he whispers.

“They’re part of my cover joke… Happy Valentine’s To My Favourite Boobs. It’s charming. But of course, you wouldn't know charm if it flipped you over and shook all your ink loose.” Fife seethes before adding. “What is your shade of yellow called again, Penelope? Vomit?”

“Wow, it’s no wonder your cover is so very charming with wit like that, Fife,” says Colin sarcastically.

There’s a moment's silence before Penelope bursts into laughter, Colin quickly following suit.

Penelope’s ink is practically vibrating with joy – he stood up for her! God, she goes so weak when he stands up for her and especially when he does it using sarcasm… Fuck! He really is the hottest card in the shop!

Fife says nothing more but turns slowly and waddles to the back of his shelf, the movement distracting Penelope from her lusting. Ugh Fife is such a twat!

“Oh, should someone check on him?” asks Alice, the newest pen in the pot, an elegant grey fountain pen.

“He’s finnnnnnnnnne!” Edwina, a black fineliner, shouts.

“Yes, that’s kind of you, Alice, but he’s a bully. He doesn’t deserve our sympathy, he wouldn’t know what to do with it,” Will adds from the shelf next to Colin. His cover is an artistic photograph depicting rose petals arranged in a love heart, floating on a calm river. Penelope can see Alice taking him in from corner to corner.

Cressida huffs a little but the rest of the pens and cards all twist and flap in agreement.

“Oh, well I can’t argue with that,” Alice says to Will in a sweet flirtatious tone. He curls his edges a little under her attention.

“Are you ok, Pen?” Colin says in the soft lilt he uses just for her.

“Yeah, nothing he hasn’t said before… Thanks Colin, for standing up for me.”

“I’ll always stand up for you Penelope… After that tits line, how could I not protect you at all costs?” He laughs, punctuating his sentence.

She laughs too, she's absolutely buzzing, she always is around him. His voice is just so soothing, so sexy…Fuck! A tingle travels all the way through her barrel.

“And, Pen… for the record… I really like your shade of yellow.”

Big-eyes

“Can I help you, Miss?” Brimsley bustles over to a confused looking woman with big brown eyes. She’s perusing the cards one-by-one with her lips contorted into a twisted pout.

“Erm… maybe... though I think I just need to see the card and I’ll know, you know?” she replies, still scanning the shelves.

“If you’d like to tell me a bit about your intended, I could point you to a few, my cards are all bespoke and one of a kind, you see,” Brimsley says. He's very proud of his ability to pair any given person to their perfect card.

“Oh… amazing! Ok… So the card is for my husband. We’ve been together for 15 years and, well, he’s everything. An amazing father to our children, my biggest supporter, my counsellor, my joy and my despair. He’s my life really.” Her eyes glaze a little the deeper she dives into her feelings for her husband and Brimsley can’t help the happy sigh that trickles out of him.

“Well, that sounds absolutely divine my dear. Might I suggest the cards in this section, these are all…”

“Oh…” Big-eyes interrupts him and immediately pulls a card from the left side. “This one… The calming water, that’s my Will.”

“Perfect!” Brimsley declares. “Please pick your free pen from the pot just there and head over when you’re ready.”

“Oh!... lovely!” The woman tucks the card into the crook of her arm and begins to shuffle through the pot excitedly. She picks a professional looking grey fountain pen. It just feels like the right pen to write this card with.

“Another perfect choice madam.”

*****

“Yay!”

“Bravo!”

“Good luck you guys!”

An orchestra of voices shout out their sentiments to Will and Alice as they’re paired off at the counter.

“Wow! Now that was a perfect match, wasn’t it?” Edwina exclaims.

“It really was,” Penelope adds with a sigh. Colin’s fibres tingle at the sound and he shimmies a little closer to her .

“Hey Pen,” he whispers.

“Hi Colin.”

He tingles again, barely able to contain the giddiness he feels whenever she says his name. Nearly three years they’ve been here together, getting to know each other, becoming closer and closer. God, he hopes when he is matched up that it’s with her.

“I am so pleased! Alice has been going on and on about Will since she joined the pot.” Penelope adds, her yellow ink seeming to glow a little brighter in her happiness.

“It’s all a bit unrealistic though isn’t it?” Alfred, a new card for this year, suddenly chirps from the shelf above Colin.

“Is it?” Penelope fires at him.

“Well, yes. Our matches are completely random, decided by random patrons. What’s the point of harbouring any feeling? You may as well just wait patiently to be picked and make do with what you get… Love is a fairytale.”

Penelope twists her cap a little and her ink dulls. Colin can feel heat rising up his spine, grrrrr! He wants to tear this Alfred in two! How dare this chump diminish sweet Penelope’s hope like that.

“That’s bollocks!” Colin blurts out.

“I beg your pardon?” Alfred spins to face him, his corners tensed.

“It’s not a fairytale. I’ve seen real love, many times. Today, even.” Colin shuffles subconsciously (ok, maybe consciously) a little closer to Penelope. His corners flutter a little when he notices the glow returning to her ink.

“And how would you even know what love is? Your cover is a joke.” Alfred spits back.

Colin shrinks back in response, he’s always been a little sensitive about being taken seriously and his cover doesn’t help.

“Pah! Bridgerton, you are obsessed with the fanciful.” Fife interrupts.

“Hey,” Penelope’s sweet whispers calls his attention to her and her only. “Ignore them, Colin. I love your cover.”

His spine straightens. She said she loves his cover… Sigh.

He leans right down to her, cutting out the noise of the room. “Thank you, Pen and same to you, don’t you go listening to that Alfred. He doesn’t know what he's talking about. He's clearly been recycled a few too many times, and Fife, well, no explanation required for him.”

Penelope giggles and glows, and Colin’s corners twist. He LOVES making her happy.

“Do you think the penguins on Alfred’s cover ever get bored of him? That one on the right looks ready to jump,” Penelope whispers, naughtily.

Colin giggles. “Oh definitely, Righty is ready to jump and Lefty checked out years ago.”

“Lefty looks like he’s seen some shit.”

“He does! Imagine, surviving the great penguin wars of 2020 and coming home to a life on Alfred’s cover… poor Lefty.”

Penelope’s cap clicks as she laughs in earnest and his liner pages flutter delightfully in response.

“Hopefully he’ll get recycled again… or maybe just pulped.” Penelope snorts, a little shocked at herself.

“Penelope!” Colin folds a corner in mock surprise. “What a barb!”

They both giggle but abruptly stop when it happens again – that crackle that passes between them sometimes, the one that feels simultaneously heavy and light and also fucking incredible! Colin’s felt it before, many times in fact. That time his edge accidentally brushed her clip, and that day that Cressida barged her so hard that her cap flew off, Colin managed to flick it back to her and he felt it so intensely as they celebrated together. And then there was just yesterday, when he told her he likes her shade. It’s becoming so frequent now that he’s turning into an addict, seeking her out at every opportunity so they can crackle together. He wants to crackle with her forever.

“Colin?” She twists a little. She’s nervous, he thinks.

“Yes, Pen?” He inches closer to her, he’s practically leaning on the pen pot now.

“Do you really believe in… love matches?”

“Yes,” he states softly and without hesitation.

Of course he fucking does! The proof is right there in front of him, her yellow ink glowing prettily through her transparent barrel.

She twists again and laughs, maybe the sweetest laugh he’s ever heard.

“Me too,” she whispers.

Straw-beard

“Excuse me?” A pompous blonde man with a beard as dry as unbuttered toast calls out to Brimsley, without looking up from the cards in front of him. “Could you help point me to a suitable card please? There are far too many to choose from.”

Brimsley bustles over to him. “Of course, sir. It's useful if you can tell me a little about the person you’re buying for.”

Straw-beard bristles and turns to look at Brimsley, his eyes darting left and right as he tries to think of a reply. “Erm... well my wife and I are erm... I travel a lot, you see, so I… I know she likes red and she has… er… hobbies.”

“Ok, excellent and what are her hobbies?” Brimsley asks.

“Errrr…” The man stares blankly ahead.

“Ok, well, not to worry…” Brimsley begins to run his fingers along the top shelf.

“Sorry, I… I am very fond of my wife. It’s just we have quite separate interests and well err...” Straw-beard trails off, his cheeks reddening.

“Sir, I am not here to judge, please do not worry. Perhaps you can tell me about your interests and we could look for something that speaks to that?” Brimsley reaches out to pat him on the shoulder but decides against it at the last second, his hand quickly falling back to his side.

Straw-beard’s countenance immediately changes as he rattles into his passion for some sort of bird. All Brimsley hears is ‘sort of like a penguin’ and so he latches onto that, searching his shelves for the ‘penguin pair for life’ card he knows exists. He spots it just as Straw-beard is launching into a very thorough description of the bird's mating ritual.

Brimsley interrupts him.

“Oh that’s very interesting, sir. I think I have the perfect card for you.” Brimsley presents the penguins to Straw-beard and his face instantly lights up.

“Ah, yes, that suits me perfectly!”

“Great! Now just grab yourself a free pen from the pot there and I’ll ring you up.” Brimsley points to the pen pot as he heads to the counter.

“Oh, no thank you, I have plenty of pens.” Straw-beard heads over to the counter too.

Brimsley laughs nervously. “It’s free sir, any one you’d like.”

“I’m fine.” He states firmly. “I do not need more plastic in my home.”

“Oh, but perhaps red? Your wife is fond of the colour...”

“I do not want a pen for goodness sake!” Blondie cuts him off and pushes his £5 note across the counter before spinning on his heel and heading for the door. “Keep the change.”

*****

There’s a stunned silence rippling through the shelves, until…

“Fuuuuuccckkkk” whispers Edwina as she twists her cap nervously.

“What does this mean!?” Cressida bursts out. “He was meant to pick me wasn’t he? You heard them mention red? I was meant to be chosen… wasn’t I?” Her ink is leaking from underneath her cap a little, she’s panicking.

Suddenly everyone is talking, shouting, groaning. Even Rae, a blue biro who barely says a word, is joining in with the hubbub.

“This is impossible,” Rae whispers. “A card has to have a pen. That’s just how it works.”

“I mean none of us really know. I say we just go with the flow and enjoy ourselves,” adds Michaela, a brightly coloured card in her second year on the shelf.

“What if that was my one shot? What if I am here forever?” Cressida’s spinning slowly in the pen pot, her panic still evident.

Penelope has been quiet so far, occasionally looking over to Colin who is propped up, stock still, his edges sharp with shock.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” shouts Fife suddenly, silencing the group. Cressida stops spinning abruptly and leans towards him. “You’re all taking this far too seriously,” he adds with twattish smarm. “Who bloody cares if we get picked, I mean do we even know what happens to the cards and pens that leave here together? Maybe they all go straight into an incinerator?" He laughs at his own flippance and everyone else sends him frowns, scowls and daggers.

Oddly though, Cressida has calmed a bit at his words, she’s leaning against the edge of the pot, her ink no longer spilling. Normalcy slowly returns to the room as people branch off into smaller discussions.

Penelope looks over to Colin just as he begins to shuffle towards her.

“That was…” He starts, his voice soft.

“Yeah, I’ve never seen that before.” Penelope is shaken, she really has never seen that happen before, what on earth could it mean?

Colin hums, he’s clearly shaken too but he’s putting on a brave face. For her.

“Colin?... Do you think this means that it’s possible to never be chosen?”

“No, Pen…”

She interrupts him, her anxiousness tumbling out of her now. “But… What if? Say I was the last pen left in the pot all on my own, it’s possible, isn’t it? That a customer could choose not to take me?”

“Pen, you mustn’t say such things.” Colin’s concern is evident. “You will not be the last in the pot.”

“But... It’s been three years, Colin. Three years! And I’ve never even come close to being chosen. I mean, I am bright yellow for fucks sake, I am practically invisible on paper… who is ever going to choose a pen they can barely see?” She twists her cap in frustration.

“Pen...” Colin whispers slowly and it’s so sweet, so soothing that she immediately calms. “I won’t let that happen to you.” He adds, curving toward her slightly.

“But how could you stop it, Colin?”

He sighs softly. “I don’t know…” He turns towards her then, leaning in as close as he can. “But Pen. I am never leaving your side, even if it means I have to tear myself in two to stay with you. You’ll never be alone, Pen.”

A huge wave of relief washes over her as she feels her ink start to glow from her base to her nib.

“Thank you,” she whispers as Colin curls his corners.

“And Pen..?”

“Yes.”

“You’ll always shine bright with me… My insert pages are navy blue.”

Penelope glows and Colin flutters.

Rat-face

“Apologies, sir, we’re closed. I just flipped the sign.” Brimsley points to the shop door.

“Forgot to get a bloody card, didn’t I? You know what women are like, I won’t get anything without a stupid card.” A slender man with rat-like features blusters over to the card stand without even a single glance in Brimsley’s direction.

“You got anything funny?” he adds, frowning in disgust at the cards on the top shelf and completely oblivious to the shop keeper’s ire.

Brimsley sighs, loudly. “Well that depends, I suppose, on what you consider funny.”

Rat-face suddenly bursts into loud grating laughter. “Oh fuck! This one is perfect!” He pulls out a card with a crude drawing of some breasts on and the words ‘Happy Valentine’s To My Favourite Boobs’. He heads straight to the counter and slams it down hard in front of Brimsley, still grinning like a cunty version of the Cheshire cat. “Maybe she’ll actually show me hers after this?” He waggles his eyebrows and laughs at his own joke.

Brimsley groans internally. “Ehem, yes… Please take a free pen from the pot there. We’re giving one away with every card.”

“Oooh, I never say no to free!” Rat-face reaches over and grabs the first pen that comes to hand, slamming it down onto the counter too.

Brimsley glares at him for a brief moment before remembering the rent is due and that means being polite to customers. “That’s three twenty five, please.”

Rat-face finally looks at Brimsley, his eyes wide and his mouth agape. “Three fucking twenty five, for a piece of card? Are you fucking kidding?”

“Errr, they’re all bespoke, one of kin–”

BANG!

Brimsley stops speaking abruptly as Rat-face slams his fist down on the counter in anger.

“I don’t care if you grew the tree and pulped it into paper yourself, this is not worth three twenty five!” He spits.

Brimsley is slightly surprised that this twat knows anything about how paper is made but he pushes that to the back of his mind as he prepares to explain.

“Sir, a lot of work goes into each unique piece and–”

“And?!... I couldn’t give a flying fuck! Are you seriously trying to tell me that folding a piece of card in half takes any effort?” The man shouts over Brimsley, his face getting redder and redder. “I am not paying more than two pounds!” He adds in a furious spit, folding his arms like a petulant child.

Brimsley stares at him for a beat, absolutely raging on the inside and contemplating stabbing him in the eye with a pen. He doesn’t though, thankfully he manages to keep his countenance calm. He takes a slow, deep breath.

“Sir, the price is–”

A sudden thump interrupts them and both men flick their heads to the card stand just as one of the cards floats across the dusty floor having fallen from the shelf.

“Oh…”

Brimsley is immediately distracted, he hates his cards being out of place. Rat-face takes advantage of his current headspace and picks up the boob card, slamming two pounds down on the counter at the same time, before turning towards the door.

“Fuck you very much!” He shouts in mock cheeriness as the door crashes shut behind him, the closed sign rattling noisily.

Brimsley practically runs over to the fallen card and places it gently back on the shelf where it belongs. “Cunt,” he whispers to the door before quickly slamming his hand over his mouth and giggling like a schoolboy.

He wanders slowly back to the counter, his gaze remaining on the card shelf, taking in each one, making sure they look correct. When he gets to the till he starts busying his hands with cashing it out but then he suddenly stops, grinning to himself.

“Excellent, you survived.” He reaches across the counter and scoops up the yellow gel pen that Rat-face forgot to take with him, popping it gently back in the pot with a tiny finger tip pat to the cap.

*****

“Fucking hell, Colin! That was incredible! How did you do that?” Michaela exclaims, her spine straightening with delight.

All of the cards inch a little closer to him, adding their own exclamations of joy and shock at what he managed to do just now. No card has ever moved that far or survived that fall before.

But Colin, he only has eyes for Pen. He shuffles so quickly towards Penelope in her pot that the crowd are immediately silenced again.

“Pen! Please tell me you’re ok?” he pleads.

“Colin…” is all she manages before her ink spills out of her cap.

“Oh, Pen. It’s ok, you’re safe, you’re here… I am here.”

“Fuck! Colin, I nearly, we nearly… you… you saved me.” Her ink is glowing brighter than he’s ever seen before as she twists herself as close to him as she can get. He does the same, just managing to press his corner to her barrel gently.

“Pen,” he whispers, as she melts into his soft touch.

She stiffens suddenly. “Colin!.. Your spine!.. You have a tear!”

“Oh, it’s nothing, I am fine.”

“It’s not nothing! What happened?”

“Just caught it on the lip of the shelf as I jumped.”

“Colin,” Penelope sings melodically as she presses her barrel into his corner again.

He basically purrs in response. Fuck! Her firm clear plastic feels so perfect against his fibres, so cool but so hot and so, so right. The crackle is back and stronger than it’s ever felt.

The other pens in the pot all move to the far end to give them some privacy. The cards do the same.

“Pen?” he whispers.

“Hmm?” Her hum travels right through his every fibre and down his spine.

“It was a long shot anyway but I will never be chosen now, not with this tear, so I want you to promise me...”

“No!” Penelope bursts out, trembling a little as she does. “Don’t you dare tell me to go on without you, to be happy. No, Colin. I am not going anywhere without you! Even if I have to burst my barrel and leak all over the place. It’s not fucking happening. Ok?!”

He can’t help but to giggle at her fierce insistence. She giggles too and the crackle lightens, he feels like he is floating as she glows bright again and his inserts tingle.

“Alright, no need to get your cap in a twist, Pen.” His words are peppered with laughter. “We’ll stick together,” he adds with a firm nod of his top edge.

She lets out an amused breath. “Forever.” It’s a statement, not a question.

“Forever,” he confirms anyway. “Besides, I can’t possibly have you spilling ink for anyone but me now can I?” He adds with a suggestive lift of his corners.

A giggle bursts out of her and this is, in fact, the brightest he’s ever seen her glow.

Red-head

“This is the place, I got Phil’s card here. They had some really unique ones.” Thick-fringe is yapping away as she holds open the door for a pensive looking woman with beautiful thick red curls.

The red head slopes in slowly behind her friend, chewing her lip and taking in the insane number of heart balloons adorning the ceiling, her eyes darting from corner to corner.

“Welcome, ladies!” Brimsley beams from the counter. “Though I am afraid it’ll have to be a short welcome, you only have 5 minutes before closing time. And in any case, Valentine’s Day is practically over, you’re leaving it rather late aren’t you?”

“Sorry! We’ll be quick,” promises the excitable woman with the thick fringe, immediately grabbing Red-head’s hand and dragging her over to the card stand. “Right, come on Penelope, let’s find the perfect one.”

“Oh, I don’t know El, maybe it’s a bad idea. What if it all goes wrong?” Red-head scans the cards slowly, her brows tightly knotted.

“No! Pen, don’t lose courage now, you’re so close!”

Brimsley slides towards them, intrigued by their conversation. “So close? So close to what?”

“She’s in love with my brother,” Thick-fringe blurts out, eying Brimsley with interest.

“El! For fucks sake!” Red-head whips round to face her blabbermouth friend and the shopkeeper. “Mr errr…” She checks his name tag. “Mr Brimsley does not want to hear about my drama.”

“Yes, I bloody do!” Brimsley links arms with Thick-fringe like they’ve known each other for decades and she guffaws loudly, wiggling her shoulder into him in return.

“Urgh!” Red-head groans as she stalks to the far end of the stand and away from her torturers.

“Tell me more, Miss…?”

“Eloise Bridgerton,” Thick-fringe extends her hand to Brimsley and they shake, smiling at each other. “And that’s my bestie, Penelope” Red-head peaks over the shelves and grimaces at Brimsley.

“So!” Miss Eloise stampedes into full on salacious gossip mode as she tells this stranger every tiny little detail about her ginger friend’s situation.

Brimsley gasps when she tells him that Penelope has been in love with her brother, Colin, Penelope’s other best friend– since the very first day they met. Brimsley sighs sweetly when she discloses Penelope’s plan to write him a card declaring her love for him, writing is their thing you see.

Then it all gets a little bit over the top when he pretends to wipe a tear (well actually, it did look quite real) after Eloise reveals that she is certain Colin feels the same way.

He claps, cheers and shouts with excitement at regular intervals, telling Penelope things like… “Oh this is so beautiful!” and closing with “Of course he is mad about you! Look at you!”.

“We don’t know that, El. What if he doesn’t feel the same?” Penelope shouts over the shelves.

“Pen, I’ve told you a million times today, he does not stop talking about you. It’s fucking annoying actually… Pen this... Penelope that… Did you see Pen’s new haircut?.. Penelope laughed at my biscuit pun today.” Eloise imitates Colin’s voice very poorly as she pops her head around the corner of the shelf, rolling her eyes at the same time.

“You know, I think I have the perfect card for you.” Brimsley appears suddenly at Eloise's shoulder and rushes over to the shelf, searching. “Ah, tucked away at the back.” He pulls out a navy blue card with a drawing of some ginger nut biscuits on and hands it to Penelope.

“I’m ginger nuts about you!” Penelope's face cracks into the widest grin as she giggles. “This is perfect”

“Oh no, wait, you can’t have that one, there’s a tear at the bottom.” Brimsley snatches the card back. “Don’t worry, we’ll find another one.”

“Oh but that one is perfect, could I just grab another copy?”

“I only have one copy of each card, they’re originals …”

“Oh.. well in that case, that’s fine, I’d like to take that one anyway please.”

“But it has a tear in it..” Brimsley looks like he might be about to drop another tear.

“Yep, I am ok with that,” grins Penelope. “Here, look, I’ll mend it.” She wets her finger and presses down on the tear to make her spit act as a very, very temporary bond.

Brimsley looks like she just pulled his trousers down and slapped his mother in the face.

He did not like that one bit.

“Sorry!” Penelope says quickly, her eyes wide. “I just have to have that card, the biscuit pun, the ginger reference, it’s so us.”

Eloise retches mockingly and Penelope fires a deep frown at her.

“It’s fine... It’s fine… Yes, completely fine.” Brimsley is talking to himself as he grabs up an envelope and heads to the counter to put the sale through.

He’s still muttering to himself as he stuffs her card and envelope into a paper bag. The card inexplicably falls out of the bag three times before he can ring it up. His frustration becomes very evident on the third escape and he stuffs it quite unceremoniously back into the bag before holding it flat on the counter with his palm.

Penelope pays, smiles, thanks him, cracks a lame joke about the shop being heartless from tomorrow (“…you know with all the balloons gone.”) Everything to try and get him to forgive her for the spit repair but he seems utterly distracted by it. He takes her payment and thanks her in a monotone.

Hmm… ok perhaps calling him heartless wasn’t very funny after all.

“I really am sorry about the... er… spit there”

“Hmm.” Brimsley doesn’t look at her, these cards are obviously very important to him.

“Well, thank you. I’ll be sure to visit again.” Penelope leans in a little and whispers. “It’s Colin’s birthday in March.” She tries one last smile then looks up to Eloise with questioning eyes. She really thought the three of them had bonded over her ‘in love with her best friend story’. Eloise just shrugs before heading for the door.

The icy February air hits Penelope right in the lungs as they exit the shop and make their way down the road towards her flat.

“Right, you have until we part ways at the lights to message him, Pen.” Eloise demands as they march.

“I’ll do it when I get home, El.”

“Nope, right now, or I am doing it for you!” Eloise stops dead and grabs Penelope’s wrist, halting her steps too.

“El,” Penelope groans. “It’s freezing. Plus you said I had until the traffic lights.”

“Nope, changed my mind. Come on, do it now Pen, while I am watching.” She suddenly shivers and wraps her arms around herself. “Fuck! Hurry up, it is freezing!”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck… ok… Fuck.” Penelope pulls out her phone and stares at her text chain with Colin, profanities still coursing through her mind as she panics. “Shit! El! What am I doing? It’s Valentine’s Day, he is definitely busy.”

Eloise drops her chin and stares at Penelope through her eyelashes. Her expression saying ‘Don’t be a twat!’ in the most affectionate way.

“Pen, you and I both know that at this very moment Colin is sitting on his sofa in his pants, playing Fifa and thinking about which Michael Palin documentary to watch tonight.”

Penelope happy-sighs at the thought of him, all domestic in his pants on the sofa.

“For fucks sake, Pen, I am right here!” shouts Eloise through her giggles.

Penelope laughs in her face with not even a hint of remorse and Eloise narrows her eyes in return.

“You brought this on yourself, El. Now, what the fuck do I say in this message?”

“Ha! Honestly Pen, he will come round at the slightest hint of an invite from you, so…”

Penelope shrinks a little, smiling but embarrassed. “Ok, how about this?” She types away on her phone then lifts the screen to Eloise.

Hey Col, Any chance you’re free tonight? My famous choc chip flapjacks are here and they have your name on them. Also there’s something I wanted to tell you.

“Perfect!” Eloise immediately reaches over and clicks the send button. Cracking up at the extreme jaw drop Penelope performs in reaction.

“MISS!... PENELOPE!”

The two friends frown at the faint shouts wafting down the road towards them.

“WAIT!” This shout is a little louder.

They turn their heads to see Mr Brimsley pelting towards them and cupping something in his hands. He reaches them and stops abruptly, doubling over to catch his breath.

“Are you ok?” asks Eloise

“Yes… sorry… I… just…” Brimsley is struggling to get his words out between deep breaths.

“Take your time, Mr Brimsley.” Penelope pats him on the back once.

His breathing is finally starting to slow as he straightens up and opens his hands to reveal a pot full of pens.

“You forgot your free pen.”

*****

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Penelope’s cap is twisting uncontrollably, she can’t speak, she can barely move. She’s panicking.

All of the other pens and cards are silent in shock.

What to do? What to fucking do? They took Colin, they took him on his own, without a pen partner, without Pen as his partner. FUCK!

The shop door dings as it closes behind Thick-fringe and Red-head. The sound brings her right back to reality.

Brimsley is muttering to himself as he heads over to the card stand and starts straightening them up.

Do something, Penelope!

“I need your help guys,” she pleads with the rest of the pens in the pot. “I can’t let Colin go alone.”

“Just tell us what you need, Pen,” says Edwina resolutely as Cressida rolls her barrel and huffs.

“Well, err, I don’t really know what I need…. I need to get to Colin somehow.”

“I have an idea” pips up Rae.

Brimsley is back over at the counter by the time they’re ready. Michaela is almost bent in half next to the pen pot, she’s grunting from the strain. Edwina and Rae are angled as far back in the pot as possible, their bases tucked ever so slightly underneath Penelope. Cressida is watching with disgusted amusement.

“Right, on the count of three!” Rae shouts.

“One!” Penelope starts the count.

“Wait, are you going on three? Or am I?” grunts Michaela.

“All of us are, it needs to be simultaneous and quick!... Brace yourself, Penelope.” Rae is basically leading this mission and doing a very fine job. Her ink seems to be swishing like waves as she takes command of the room.

“Two!” adds Rae.

“Oh right yep, ok” Penelope flusters a little before straightening up again.

“THREE!”

Edwina and Rae PUSH with all their might sending Penelope out and over the side of the pot, then in one fluid movement Michaela flicks herself straight sling-shotting Penelope into the air. She screams in triumph as Penelope flies across the room, higher and higher she goes. Way past the counter and…

CRASH!

Right into the glass window. She lands, with a whump, on the lid of a display box directly beneath her.

“Ouch!”

“Huh!” Brimsley’s head whips to the window. “What the hell was that?”

“YES! It worked guys!” Penelope shouts from her perch on the box as Brimsley approaches her.

“Oh!” He picks her up, examining her closely. “That’s weird… Did she drop her free pe– Oh, no. Fuck!” He squeezes Penelope tight, dashes to the shelf and grabs the pot and then he’s off and out the door, running way faster than he really should be at his age. Penelope can hear the cards on the shelf all whooping and hollering in celebration.

*****

Fuck... why don’t cards have tear ducts?

All Colin wants to do right now is cry. He failed her, he got chosen and he failed to take her with him. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

He can hear the muffled voices of the two women who took him, chatting away as he nestles deeper into the handbag of the red-headed one. He’s desperate to bury himself as far away from the world as possible.

He’s thinking about how to quickly get things over with, and is just contemplating if he’d prefer to be pulped or shredded when he hears a puffy male voice and loud exclamations coming from outside the handbag.

He can’t work out many of the words but he definitely hears one…

“Yellow!” said excitedly by Red-head, he thinks.

He instantly stiffens, could it be? No, it can’t be? Can it?

He’s just about to berate himself for being so stupidly hopeful when the handbag opens and he hears crystal clearly… “Oh thank you so much Brimsley, yellow with navy blue, it’s the icing on the cake!”

Then suddenly she’s there. Penelope, as beautiful as ever. Her ink beaming as she drops lightly into his paper bag, landing firmly against him and eliciting the most intense vibration of his fibres he has ever experienced.

They’re both speechless for a moment. He can practically feel her tingling too.

“Colin,” she whispers huskily.

“Pen,” he whispers back. “How?...”

“I love you,” Penelope twists, a little shy at her admission. Fuck! She’s so cute, he nearly bursts into flames. He feels so good right now.

“I love you, Penelope.”

He shuffles a little so the envelope he is tucked into opens up for her and she rolls, tucking herself into it too. They’re so close now, her hard barrel is pressing into his spine and it’s making his corners curl with excitement.

She presses into him more firmly and turns her cap, twisting her clip and pushing it against him.

“Pen…” He shudders, pleasure coursing through him. “You’re incredible” he adds, stroking her barrel gently with his corner.

Her ink shines brighter than ever, illuminating them both as she giggles into him. He feels so fulfilled right now as he absorbs her warmth and soaks up her light.

*****

“Colin… wake-up.” Penelope rolls against his soft fibres, gently rousing him. They’d been so happy, so content curled up together in the handbag, that they’d drifted off.

“Oh, where are we?” asks Colin, sleepily.

“Still in the bag, but we were plonked down somewhere and haven’t moved for a while.” Penelope snuggles into him again.

“Mmm, my love,” he hums as he curves around her a little, pulling her in close. She sighs, basking in his warmth.

“What do you think will happen next?” Penelope asks.

“I am not sure, but we’ll be together and that’s all that matters.” Just as Colin finishes his sentence the bag suddenly opens.

They’re pulled out quickly and placed on a table. The red-headed woman is hovering over them biting her lower lip.

“Her name is Penelope too” whispers Pen.

“Really?”

“Yep and she got you for her best friend, Colin.”

“No way!”

They both laugh as Red-head pulls them out of the paper bag, she places Colin down and opens him up, then she drops Penelope gently onto him.

“Oh fuck!.. Pen!.. you’re... inside…”

“Oh Colin... You’re beautiful!”

They both exclaim at the same time. Penelope feels utterly wrecked already, just being this close to him.

Red-head is pacing next to them but they’re barely registering it, completely consumed by these new sensations.

“Colin, are we?... Is this ok?” Penelope asks, slightly nervous but every particle of her feeling intense pleasure.

“God, yes, Pen. It’s more than ok. You feel incredible… Are you alright?”

“I am wonderful. You’re perfect, Colin… so…”

She’s suddenly interrupted as Red-head snatches her up and quickly takes her cap off.

“Oh fuck me, Pen, your nib… you’re so beautiful!” Colin’s inserts are fluttering as he takes her in.

This is it, fuck, they’re about to join. The anticipation is killing her... but then…

Dear Colin

They both groan with pleasure as her wet nib presses into his firm, smooth paper. Moans and whines escape them both as Penelope glides sensually across Colin’s surface.

I’ve wanted to tell you this for years. I’ve tried so many times, only to panic at the last second and back out, but the page is where I know you best, Colin and if I can be honest with you anywhere then it’s here.

“Oh, Colin, fuck you’re so stiff, so silken.”

“Pen, ugh, you feel so fucking good, your ink, it’s intoxicating.”

I love you.

It’s as simple as that, Colin. I love you. I always have, since the day we met. You are kind, caring, silly and soft, quite simply you are perfect. You make me feel like I am important, like I have an impact on the world, and when you returned from your latest trip speaking of staying in London, well, I couldn’t help but to hope, to dream.

“Penelope… I love you so much.”

“I love you, Colin.”

Penelope’s ink is practically boiling as pleasure builds, and builds, and builds with every new word.

If you do not feel the same, please say nothing, shred this card, never speak of it and I will know from your silence that I was wrong and friends is where we will remain. I can’t lose your friendship, Colin, I can’t.

“Oh, Pen, I am vibrating.”

“Colin... I am going to... I am going to…”

But I also can’t stay silent any longer. I needed to be brave, brave enough to ask the question, just once.

Could we ever be more than friends?

I love you.

Penelope

X

“...Oh!”

X

“...Oh!”

Ink squirts and smudges across Colin’s smooth paper as they climax together.

“Oh my god, Pen!.. That was...” Colin is panting as Penelope is placed on the table next to him, her cap back on.

“I know.” She shuffles a little closer to him, desperate to touch him, she never wants to be separated from him ever again, actually.

A sudden beep and vibration startles them slightly, not enough for them to jump apart but enough to draw their attention back to Red-head.

“Oh… fuck!” she exclaims as she looks at her phone. “Ok, ok, ok… You can do this.” She pushes up from her chair and heads to her front door. Opening it swiftly, she reveals him, human Colin, standing there with his devastatingly beautiful brown curls, and his perfect fit jeans, he’s looking a little nervous.

“Oooh he’s handsome, she’s about to tell him she loves him.” Pen whispers to Colin as she snuggles up closer to him, with the people distracted she can afford a bit more movement.

“Pen, you said you wanted to tell me something, I wasn’t doing anything, so I made my way straight over. Is everything ok?” Brown-curls says to Red-head, twisting his fingers together, his eyes wide.

“He calls her Pen too.” Colin whispers close to Penelope’s cap and they both giggle.

“Yes, everything is fine. I just... Come in... I’ve written something I’d like you to read.” Red-head gestures to the table.

Brown-curls immediately heads over and scoops up Colin, leaving Pen lying flat and cold on the hard wood. God, she hopes this isn’t it, the last time she’ll see her beloved.

Red-head slowly inches towards Brown-curls. He is grinning at Colin’s cover but then he quickly looks up at Red-head with what can only be described as pure love. He flicks Colin open and begins to read, his eyes snapping back and forth and his jaw slack.

When he stops reading, he looks up at her again, his arm dropping slowly to his side, his eyes deep pools of emotion.

“Penelope,” he whispers.

“I am so sorry Colin, I shouldn’t have done this... As I said, just pretend–”

Her words are cut short as Brown-curls lurches forward and wraps her tightly in his arms, kissing her passionately and lifting her off the ground. She immediately melts into him as they moan. Colin drops from Brown-curls hand and floats slowly to the floor, forgotten.

“Colin! “ Penelope cries from the table top, her cap virtually spinning in her panic.

“I am ok, Pen,” he shouts up to her.

Brown-curls and Red-head are practically one being as they start to move slowly backwards. They’re kissing, touching, laughing, moaning as they disappear down the corridor and out of sight.

*****

Penelope’s ink swirls as she rolls to the table edge so she can look down at Colin, still on the floor. It’s dark in the room now, the only light coming from the neighbours patio lamp, shining through the windows. Red-head and Brown-curls haven’t surfaced for what feels like days.

“Ok Pen, shag, marry, kill… Cressida, Fife, Me.”

Penelope guffaws. “Well that’s easy, shag Cressida, marry Fife, kill you.”

“What!” Colin shouts from the floor. “You’d shag me before you kill me though, right?”

“Well I’ve already shagged you, so I suppose all that’s left is to kill you.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to marry me too, complete the whole set?”

“Hmm, maybe, you would make a very good husband.”

Colin flutters at her praise and they laugh together, sweet soft and joyous melodies. Colin’s laugh travels all the way down her barrel, warming her pleasantly.

“Colin?”

“Yes, my darling?”

“What if we’re stuck like this forever? You down there, me up here?” She twists her cap a little, the thought has been playing on her mind for hours.

“We won’t be Pen, I promise.” He says with a stiff flick of his corner.

Relief washes over her, even though there is no way Colin can make such a promise. She knows he’ll do everything he can to stay with her.

She decides to get back to a lighter mood and is just about to hit Colin with his own shag, marry, kill conundrum when bright light floods into the room from the corridor.

Brown-curls stumbles in, completely naked. He heads to the sink and fills up two glasses with water.

“God, they're weird looking aren’t they?” Colin says.

“Yeah... sort of pleasing too though.” Penelope struggles to hide the laughter in her tone.

“Penelope!” Colin shouts in mock shock.

They both giggle but don’t have time to continue their fun as naked Brown-curls has appeared right next to them. He bends down and scoops up Colin. Smiling to himself as he reads Red-head’s words again.

Penelope panics slightly that he’s about to take her Colin away, but then he scoops her up too, tucking her gently inside Colin’s inserts.

“Mmmm, I’ve missed you,” Colin hums as he curls around her.

Brown-curls brings them into the bedroom, where they can see Red-head sitting up in the bed, she looks deliriously happy. He hands her one of the glasses and kisses her gently on the forehead.

“We’re keeping this forever by the way.” He lifts Colin and Penelope up in the air before heading over to the desk in the corner of the room. “Oh wait… Just need to add something.”

He pops off Penelope’s cap and places it gently next to Colin on the desk top.

“Oh my goodness, Pen, I will never get over the sight of your beautiful nib,” Colin says.

Penelope giggles just before her tip is pressed gently to Colin’s soft pages again. It’s quick but feels so soft when she glides across him.

I love you, XX

Brown-curls puts Penelope’s cap back on and tucks her back into Colin’s folds before opening the desk drawer and placing them gently inside.

Together.

Forever

THE END