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Yang Jeongin doesn’t think there is anyone more amazing than Lee Felix. He is kind, elegant, and beautiful.

“Oi you whore! You fucking bitch! You could have stolen anyone’s stars and you chose mine!”

Felix is someone that Jeongin had met when the two were in college together. While Jeongin was walking to his part-time coffee shop job he spotted the blonde man all alone in the middle of a pathway looking lost. Jeongin had quickly introduced himself and brought him to the café to help him get his bearings on campus. He wasn’t someone who normally believed in the concept of “love at first sight”, but in the moment he felt compelled to make Felix a drink, and eventually they talked enough for Jeongin to get his number.

“Dude, you are literally in first place.”

Despite Felix being a bit directionally challenged and easily lost, it only endeared Jeongin to him. He enjoyed being the person that Felix always turned to when he needed advice, or someone to help him find the right direction. Even when that meant picking Felix up from random apartments in the middle of the night.

“Han Jisung, I thought we were twins. I will remember this. You will rue the day you stole my star.”

Lee Felix isn’t perfect, but he is damn well close. Despite it being 5 years later, with their university lives behind them, Felix shines just as bright in Jeongin’s mind as he did when they first met on campus on that pathway. He’s just never been brave enough to explicitly say how he feels about him to his face.

“I didn’t even do anything! Innie, tell him I’m just playing the game correctly.”

Jeongin has tried. A flirty joke here, a declaration of care there, all of them brushed aside with a smile and a joke or a pinch of his cheek with the words “Jeongin you are SO cute.” He is beginning to dread the word cute, but he isn’t going to let that stop him. One day, Lee Felix will know that Jeongin loves him.

Jeongin shrugs, “You could have stolen from Minho-hyung”.

“Felix is in FIRST. It makes the most sense to steal from him. Plus, I’d like to see you steal from Hyung and see what happens. Absolutely not!” Jisung takes a deep breath to calm himself down before looking back at the television. Minho looks smug curled up next to Jisung on the couch, while Seungmin is on Jisung’s other side, somehow still asleep through the argument. Felix and Jeongin are sitting on the floor in front of them to get a better view of the TV. “I regret nothing.” Jisung starts pouting, in the hopes that Felix would drop it and forget about it all, knowing it normally works on his boyfriends. Unfortunately for him, there are two other people in the room, and one of them has everything to prove. 

“Don’t worry Lixie, I had 50 coins and I’m right next to Boo, I’ll steal that star from Jisung so he won’t win”. There is an offended gasp from the couch behind him but all Jeongin can register is the wide smile Felix gives him. There is also a vague sleepy mumble of simp from Kim Seungmin’s direction but Jeongin is choosing to ignore that for the much more beautiful option of making Felix smile. 

~~~

The game of Mario Party ends with little fanfare, as after Jeongin stole the star from Jisung (that Jisung had first stolen from Felix), Felix maintains his one star lead for the rest of the turns, securing his victory. Just as Felix is about to gloat in Jisung’s face, his phone starts to ring, and with a quick “I got to take this”, he bolts to the kitchen, the door slamming behind him.

“So,” Jisung turns towards Jeongin to level him a glare. “Are you ever going to take my side against Felix, or does ‘best friends forever’ mean nothing to you?”

“Did you see the way he looked at me? That was a real loving smile. Genuine. I could tell at that moment he wanted me. Do you think that he is starting to put it together?” 

Jeongin looks at the throuple in front of him, searching for a sign that they too had seen what he did. Instead, he finds pity. The trio have been by his side since the beginning, with Jeongin facetiming them immediately after Felix left the coffee shop to declare that he had found the love of his life. At first, they were very supportive of his crush on Felix. But recently…

Seungmin shakes his head. “Hopeless.”

“Innie…” Jisung looks over to the side, silently debating what he wanted to say next, before looking back at Jeongin. “I don’t think that’s what happened.”

“What Jisung is politely saying is that you are delusional.” Jisung turns to Minho, looking affrunted. 

“Hyung! I thought we agreed we were encouraging Innie’s dreams, not killing them!” Minho just crosses his arms and shrugs.

“Someone has to tell him the truth. We’ve been coddling him for too long. All Lee Felix cares about is getting his hole filled. No ifs or buts about it. He doesn’t do relationships anymore, not after how the last one ended, and Jeongin refuses to be a one night stand. That’s it. And I’m tired of pretending he has a chance.” Minho looks up and takes a deep breath before continuing. “Innie…” Minho looks down again into Jeongin eyes, his eyes softening as he looks at his youngest friend. “I’m tired of watching you hurt yourself for a man who doesn’t appreciate you. I’m tired of being on the sidelines while you self implode.” Jeongin's eyes widen as he comprehends what Minho is saying. “I’m saying this because I love you and no one else will, let him go.”

“Or you can fuck him and seduce him with your body.” Seungmin suggests. Minho and Jisung whip their heads around to look at him. Jisung looks offended and Minho looks pensive. 

“NO, don't do that.” Jisung waves his hands around as he speaks. “That’s an awful, terrible, no good idea. That is a recipe for disaster. A- a tragedy waiting to happen!” Jisung must see something he doesn’t like on Jeongin’s face because he starts to panic. “You can’t actually be considering this-”

At the sound of the kitchen door slamming open, the four of them immediately stop talking and look at the direction of the sound and are met with the smiling face of Felix. “You guys are not going to believe this. There was this guy, at Haven, whose number I got. Originally, he wasn’t down for a one night stand which is fine! Disappointing but fine. BUT! But he just called and asked if I’m free to come over.” Felix sighs wistfully. “It was great to see you all, excited to beat you all in Mario Party again next Wednesday, but I have to go get dicked down. Toodles!” 

With a peace sign and a wave of a hand, Felix is out the door.

~~~

“And you are telling me that you picked him up after that?”

“Hyung called me in tears, that guy was a dick. How was I supposed to leave him?” Jisung plays around with the straw of his milkshake, his silence an answer in itself. Jeongin himself doesn’t know the answer to Jisung’s question either. This wasn’t the first time he had picked up Felix from a hookup gone wrong. Now, don’t misinterpret, Felix wasn’t harmed, the opposite in fact. The sex had been so good that, on multiple occasions, the other guy had asked for a round two, and it hurt Felix’s kind heart to turn them down, and some took it better than others. “Felix-hyung established before they did anything that this was a one time deal. It’s not his fault that this prick tried to break that, and then called him all those nasty words afterwards.” Jeongin refuses to repeat those words again. “He didn’t deserve that.”

“And it’s also not your responsibility to fix his problems.” Before Jeongin can respond, Minho and Seungmin slide into the booth they are in, sitting next to their boyfriend. Minho shoulders Jisung into the corner so the two can fit next to him. 

“Changbin-hyung pisses me off so much. I tried to provoke him at work today and instead of getting mad he saw the bags under my eyes and asked if I’m sleeping enough.” Seungmin looks genuinely disgusted at the thought of his work partner’s kindness. 

“I’m sure if you ask nicely he’ll show off those muscles you love so much!” Jisung pipes up, but Seungmin is already shaking his head.

“That’s cheating and not winning and it needs to be legit. I just want to see what happens when he loses his composure.”

“And it has nothing to do with the fact that you are a masochist that enjoys being held by his neck.” Seungmin glares at Minho in lue of a response. “Speaking of masochists, Innie,” Jeongin feels their eyes on him as all three boyfriends turn towards him. “Jisung told me you picked up Felix from his hookup. Again.”

“It really is no big deal! I promise! Look… I know you all think that I’m hurting myself, but really it’s okay.” While the throuple gives him looks like they don’t believe him, he keeps going, trying to convince them (and himself) that what he was saying was fact. “I will always be there to look after him, regardless if he sees me as a friend or more, because I care about him.” Jeongin cares a lot, probably more than he should, but he cares about Felix’s well-being way before his own. Whether that was healthy for him or not is up to interpretation.

“Have you given anymore thought to asking to fuck Felix?” Seungmin asks.

“I have.” Jeongin rubs his hands together. “And I don’t want to do it. If I can have Hyung in that… way… I want it to be special and intimate, like he deserves. I don’t want him to think of me as one of his hookups, just looking to use his body to get off. I… I want it to mean something. I want it to be just as fulfilling for him as it is for me.” Jisung reaches across the table to grab Jeongin’s hand, while Minho quickly moves the glasses that Jisung nearly knocks over safely to the side.

“That’s so cute of you and I- WE want that for you.”

“Really? Because sometimes it seems like you don’t.” Jeongin feels like he can afford to be a little childish about it all, because it’s true. These days, every time he brings up Felix the other three get defensive about it all. He knows it comes from a place of love, and that they really think that he is going to get hurt from all this, and maybe they are right, but at the same time Jeongin feels that they should have hope for him. Especially because he feels that he makes it really obvious for Felix, and that the breakthrough has to be soon.

~~~

The next night finds Jeongin in a familiar position. He is in bed watching the latest episode of ‘Transit Love’ (“shit goes down for real” -Jisung) when the all too familiar ringtone of his phone starts to buzz. Not even five minutes later he is tripping over himself to put his shoes on and grab his keys. No matter how many times his friends say it is a bad idea to pick up Felix, Jeongin will never feel the same way. And now, with a teary eyed Felix in his passenger seat, he feels all the more renewed in his decision to be there for the love of his life.

“I just don’t understand!” Felix says in between sobs. “I’m upfront and honest about what I want and yet it just seems like no one listens.” Jeongin wishes he can just take all of Felix’s worries away. Felix’s honesty is one of the things that Jeongin admires most about him. Since Felix is always truthful about what he is thinking, it makes his compliments and praises all the more special, and makes Jeongin want to work to hear it all. 

“You deserve better.” Jeongin wants to look him in the eyes so that Felix can see his sincerity but, like the good and safe driver he is, he keeps his eyes on the road. “You clearly explained what you wanted out of the night, it’s not your fault that they don’t know how to listen.” Jeongin feels that they have repeated this same conversation over and over again, but Jeongin is willing to repeat it every time he needs to to get it into Felix’s head that he isn’t in the wrong. It may hurt every time Felix goes out with someone that isn’t him, but that’s Felix’s choice and Jeongin respects it. “You deserve to share something intimately with people that respect you and your boundaries.” Felix is silent in the passenger seat, knees pulled to his chest, and Jeongin takes that as his cue to continue. “You know I love you right? I just want to see you happy and safe in everything that you do.”

There is an empty breathy laugh from the passenger seat. “You’re so cute Jeongin.” Cute, that dreaded word. “You always know how to cheer me up. I appreciate it.”

“Of course. You deserve the best and only the best. I don’t like seeing you like this all the time.” Jeongin stops at a red light and takes a deep breath before looking at Felix. “Have you thought about taking a break? From the hookups?” Felix looks back at him confused, like he can’t believe this was Jeongin’s line of thought. He feels terrible for thinking it, but Felix looks gorgeous with his red rimmed eyes and splotchy cheeks. Jeongin also feels a bit selfish asking this of Felix as well, even if his biggest intention is to stop Felix’s tears and not for his own self gain. 

There is a bit of silence before the light turns green and Jeongin turns back towards the road. He knows bringing this up is a bad idea, but he can’t stop the words coming out of his mouth. Before long he is pulling up to Felix’s apartment building and right as Jeongin is about to turn to Felix and apologize, Felix opens his mouth instead.

“I have. Thought about it that is.” Felix rubs at his face a few times before continuing. “I know I can avoid a lot of this if I just find hookup partners I trust not to catch feelings and just stick with them. Or I can just stop altogether. And I have thought about it. But, to be honest, I don't think I’m ready to stop.” Felix reaches over with his left hand and places it over Jeongin’s right hand that was still on the wheel. His tiny fingers wrap in between Jeongin’s much longer ones. “I appreciate you more than you know. You are always, ALWAYS, ready when I call, and I’m sorry you constantly get dragged into this.” Jeongin shakes his head rapidly back and forth, trying to display his denial clearly. Even if he isn’t in love with Felix, Jeongin would still make sure to show up for Felix. “I know you don’t feel like you do, but I just want you to know that I see you, and I thank you.”

“It’s really no big deal.”

“No, it is. It shouldn’t be this hard to have no strings attached sex, but it is, and you are getting dragged into it, especially as of recently. I’m just not ready to commit to another relationship. I just can’t do that to myself yet. I just want one night of sex and then I go home and we all continue with our lives.” Felix laughs humorlessly. “Is that so hard?”

And with that, Jeongin has the worst idea in the world.

~~~

Jeongin thinks long and hard about whether or not he is going to talk with his three closest friends about his decision or not. On one hand, this is originally Seungmin’s idea he is using, just not exactly as the other had intended. Felix keeps his heart locked in his chest, and Jeongin is beginning to realize that he doesn’t hold the key. So, if he can’t have Felix the way that Jeongin wants, then he will do the next best thing in giving Felix everything he has been missing these last few weeks: a no strings attached night where everything goes back to normal the next day. Having Felix for just that night will have to be it for Jeongin, so he has to make it worth it.  

“No, absolutely not. Are you crazy?!” Jisung is the first to react to his plan. “What am I thinking? No way my Innie is that dumb. I must have heard wrong. I almost thought for a second that you said that your new plan is to fuck Felix for one night as a good bye to your feelings for him. Only an insane person would think that. It’s just as dumb as thinking that we would all meet up and have breakfast in our kitchen together before work like they do in those American sitcoms. As if anyone would wake up more than 5 minutes before they need to be out the door. Preposterous!” By the end of his rant Jisung is out of breath and panting. The two others are silent next to him but Jeongin can tell that they agreed with Jisung, for most of it at least.

“Surely you have to know this isn’t what I meant when I made the seducing suggestion in the first place.” Seungmin deadpans.

“Well your idea was dumb to begin with, look at what you’ve done.” Jisung gestures incredulously in Jeongin’s direction. Jeongin doesn’t know if he should laugh at Jisung’s antics or be offended by the multiple insults to his intelligence. The kitchen of his apartment is silent as the trio awaits his response, the sun setting through the window creating a “golden hour” effect. Jeongin had asked the three to come an hour earlier than usual to Mario Party Wednesday so that he could let them know in advance what he was planning on asking Felix that night after the game was over. 

Jeongin straightened his shoulders. It was his decision and he was going to own it. “I’m serious this time. All I’ve wanted is what you guys have, but with him.” Jeongin figures the best way to explain how he came to this decision was to be truthful and honest and vulnerable with the people who matter the most.  “I was- am jealous of you three.” He quickly corrects himself. “And I was jealous of him most of all. Jealous that he is having the time of his life each night and I’m here alone without a consideration that he could have asked me. Jealous that other random strange men in disgusting club bathrooms were a more appealing option than I was. Selfishly happy that even if it’s not my bed, it’s my car he ends up in, and then I feel guilty having that train of thought in the first place because he is only in my car because he got hurt somehow.” Jeongin wipes his eyes, and Minho goes to grab a piece of paper towel for him. Jeongin takes it and mouths thanks in his direction. “And most of all, you were right. As much as I pretended that I was okay, I wasn’t, and it’s been eating me alive. And so, I think this will be for the best.”

“Innie…” Minho starts.

“No, no let me finish. I can’t just let him go naturally. These feelings aren’t going to just fade. He’s just so lovable and caring, I mean he volunteers with children! And he’s always making sure that I slept well and that I’ve eaten and that no one is bothering me at work and I just know he’s the type to be a caring lover, and he’s scared of loving at the moment and that’s fine. I was willing to wait. But he will never see me, will he? I’ll always just be the cute friend who throws in Mario Party for him.”

With the three of them standing around one side of the kitchen island, and him on the other, it feels like an interview, or even an intervention. It is like Jeongin has to prove that he is making the best decision, and convince them of the plan's success. Each of the boyfriends have a different expression on their faces, which Jeongin felt encapsulates them as people. 

Jisung hasn’t let go of the constant pity on his face. He’s always been the most emphatic of his hyungs. Jisung was the first to believe him when he said that he had fallen in love at first sight, just like how Jeongin was the first person to support Jisung when he declared to the world that he had 2 boyfriends. Jisung was also the first to secretly stop believing Jeongin’s love is possible.

Alternatively, Seungmin looks angry. Seungmin was the last of the trio to believe Jeongin is in love, a firm believer that love is earned, and not something that can be easily given at first sight. It’s why he worked so hard to woo his two lovers. It isn’t enough to be loved, despite how often the other two tell him how loved he is, he has to feel like he deserves it. At the time, Jeongin was the angry one, trying to explain to Seungmin that he had their hearts and that he can freely accept their praise for nothing in return. But now, with the situations reversed, it is his puppy-like hyung upset with the effort that Jeongin has put in without even an acknowledgement.

Minho is the hardest to get a read on, he always has been. He might seem indifferent to his surroundings, but Jeongin has known him long enough to know this isn’t the case at all. He will say one thing and do the opposite. He cares, but he doesn’t want anyone to know that he cares. Which is why Jeongin is the most afraid of him and his thoughts. Jisung and Seungmin are predictable, but Minho is not. At the end of the day, the other two always look to him for decisions, and regardless of what they are feeling, for something this serious, what Minho says goes. And so, it is his eyes that Jeongin meets.

“Then we will be here to pick up the pieces.”

Minho’s response isn’t approval, but a promise. He doesn’t agree with Jeongin’s proposal, but he isn’t going to stop him either. Jeongin supposes this is the best that he is going to get, and appreciates that he isn’t getting left all alone if things go wrong. Jeongin nods his head, acknowledging that he hears and understands Minho, and Minho nods back. 

Jeongin sees movement out of the left side of his eyes, and shortly later feels arms around his waist. He flinches and at first decides that he doesn’t want to be held, before realizing that he really really needs this and leans into the embrace. He appreciates the lack of words, content to just be in the moment. There is movement on his right side before he feels two more arms around his body. Jeongin registers puffs of air in his right ear before he hears Seungmin speak.

“I love him, and I love you. Don’t let him break your heart.”

~~~

Yang Jeongin doesn’t think there was anyone more beautiful than Lee Felix. He is captivating, thoughtful, and caring. But most of all, he is really competitive at Mario Party, and really doesn’t like to lose. Unfortunately, neither does Jisung. 

“Roll a one, roll a one.” Jisung prays, fingers crossed, head pointed towards the sky. “Chance Time gives me a chance. I can still win this.”

Once again, Minho, Jisung, and Seungmin are all cuddled up on the couch, with Jeongin and Felix sitting on the floor in front of them. With 5 people for a 4 person game, the group’s “house rule” has always been that 4th place in the previous week would sit out the following week, thus keeping a solid and fair rotation based and skill… most of the time.

“Motherfucker! Now- NOW I roll high.” Felix starts cackling at Jisung’s misfortune. “You are laughing now, but watch, one of the bonus stars is going to be about the unlucky spaces and that’ll seal my victory!”

Jeongin never minds having to sit out, especially tonight. Normally, he would take the time to admire Felix’s features without him knowing, or he would make snacks that the group would enjoy. 

However, today, in his head, he is replaying his conversation with the boyfriends, as well as trying to imagine what his conversation with Felix later tonight will look like. How does one ask for a one night stand anyway, especially when it hurts your heart to do so? Jeongin only has a few minutes to figure it out. He isn’t a virgin, but he wouldn’t say that he is experienced either. Not like Felix is for that matter. 

Jeongin originally thought that his worst fear would be that he would be rejected. But now, what if Felix not only rejects him, but makes fun of him for trying? Or even worse, agrees, but then makes fun of his inexperience in the bedroom? Jeongin isn’t a prude, he knows some people get off on getting made fun of. He has the unfortunate first-hand knowledge that that is something Seungmin is into. For him though, he just likes to take care of the people he is with, and wants to be told he is doing well.

Thinking about it more, it starts to worry Jeongin a little. His one goal of the night is to complete Felix’s wish, but what if it isn’t enough to Felix’s standards? He is supposed to be better than all the other men Felix has seen, especially as of recent, but what if he makes the situation worse? Every worst case scenario is running throughout Jeongin’s head when he feels someone lightly grab his wrist.

“You good?” Felix whispers, turning towards him. The question must have been on Jeongin’s face because Felix keeps going. “You were tapping on the ground pretty aggressively and when I looked over your mind looked elsewhere.”

Felix is so pretty when he cares about him, Jeongin can’t help but think. Felix's face changes from concerned to bashful and Jeongin quickly realizes that he must have said that aloud. He immediately glances over to the three idiots behind him and is glad they are too busy arguing over a star trap to hear him. 

“Thanks Innie. You’re pretty too! But, your eyes seem a bit distant, are you sure you are alright? You can tell me anything you know.” Felix’s tone is coaxing and instinctively Jeongin wants to spill his secrets, explain every hint and flirtatious joke that he has ever made. However, he is smarter than that and knows that he has to keep it subtle and wait for the stooges to leave before he can propose anything.

“I’ll tell you after your victory, if you don’t mind staying a bit longer.” Jeongin reaches over and boops Felix’s nose, cheeks growing red at the action. He’s not sure why he did it, but it feels right in the moment, and Felix giggles at his embarrassment so it is so worth it. “Go kick some Quokka ass.”

~~~

20 minutes later sees his three headaches leave his apartment, with each of them having inspirational words for him that they whisper to him while hugging him goodbye. 

“You are so much more than a man.” Jisung says.

“He better not be able to walk tomorrow,” is what Minho adds.

“67” is Seungmin’s contribution and Jeongin regrets the day that Felix taught him that.

All of it is on brand for his friends, but none of it is particularly helpful in easing his nerves for his talk with Felix. Jeongin turns away from the front door to look out at his living room. Felix has his back to him sitting on the couch, clearly on his phone. Jeongin can only hope that he isn’t messaging anyone. Jeongin’s plan has to be tonight because he will not be able to work up the nerve for this conversation twice. 

He tugs at his right ear a few times to calm himself before walking over to the couch, his footsteps making the hardwood creak causing Felix to look up in his direction. He quickly shuts off his phone, placing it on an end table, and Jeongin can’t believe how much better that makes him feel. Jeongin sits down on the couch next to Felix and looks over at the other man.

“Now, what’s got you so stressed that the others couldn’t be here?” Felix holds out his hands for Jeongin to hold onto, and Jeongin quickly takes the opportunity, squeezing Felix’s hand before saying the words he knew can change their relationship forever.

“I was thinking about what you told me in the car.” Jeongin trails off hoping that Felix would connect the dots on his own, but by Felix’s confused face he knows that he would have to spell it all out. “About your ‘unsuccessful’ hookups. I was thinking that if you want a no strings attached night you could have one, with, uh, me. If you wanted.” 

Jeongin wishes that that sounded a bit more confident but beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to these things. Felix seems surprised, and rather taken aback by the suggestion. Whatever he had been expecting from this conversation, this certainly isn’t it.

“With you?”

“With me, if you want.”

Multiple emotions flicker over Felix’s face, but Jeongin isn’t sure what they all mean. He hopes that they are a good thing. 

“Are you sure? You’ve never seemed interested before. I know that you want to make me happy, but I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself to achieve that. So… you really want to?”

That’s his Felix, ever so caring. While Jeongin’s ultimate goal is to make Felix’s life better, he knows in his heart that he can’t keep pining forever, and that this would be beneficial for him in the long run. Sat in his resolve, Jeongin smiles, making sure to show off his deep dimples, and nods rapidly. Maybe a little too enthusiastic to be casual, but shoot him, he’s about to have the night of his life with the prettiest man in the world, all assuming Felix is interested as well.

Felix keeps staring at Jeongin, searching his face for any trace of a lie. He quickly determines his answer because he nods to himself before shifting to move into straddling Jeongin’s lap. Jeongin instinctively goes to put his hands softly on either side of Felix’s waist, while Felix’s hands move to cup Jeongin’s face. Felix smiles and brings his forehead to meet with Jeongin’s.

“How could I refuse such a generous offer?” 

With their foreheads this close to each other, Jeongin can count every freckle under Felix’s eyes. He wants to kiss every single one of them and tell Felix everything he loves about him in between each kiss. While he knows he doesn’t have time tonight to fully enact that idea, he can indulge himself just a little. 

He leans back to get a full look at Felix’s face before kissing a freckle under the outside corner of his left eye. “You are” kissing under the center of his right eye “so very” kissing on the tip of Felix’s nose “stunning.” Sitting back he can see Felix’s face begin to redden. Jeongin is sure his own ears are a vibrant shade of red, they always seem to give him away.

Before Jeongin can say anything else, Felix wraps his left arm around Jeongin’s neck and smashes their lips together. At first, Jeongin doesn’t know how to react. He has dreamed of this moment for years and now that it has come he doesn’t know what to do. How Seungmin thought he ever could have seduced Felix is beyond his comprehension. 

Jeongin’s brain begins to work again after a quick short circuit and he deepens the kiss, grabbing tighter onto Felix’s waist. It’s awkward at first as they both get used to each others mouths, but when Felix leans in closer, which causes Jeongin to lean back on the couch, and sticks his tongue in Jeongin’s mouth, all of Jeongin’s insecurities disappear so he can simply be. 

After a moment Felix backs off, sitting on Jeongin’s knees, and Jeongin attempts to catch his breath. When Felix goes to take off Jeongin’s shirt he instinctively stops him.

“B-Bed?” Jeongin sits up straighter so he could breathe better. “You deserve a better night than this shitty couch.” Jeongin taps on Felix’s chest to get him to stand up, and after a second he follows that direction, gracefully getting up from Jeongin’s lap. Jeongin gets up after him, holding out a hand that Felix puts his hand in and the two head down the hallway together. Jeongin says a quick prayer for good luck as the two enter his bedroom that Jeongin had recently cleaned for this exact moment.

Jeongin faces Felix and gives him a quick peck before softly going to take off Felix’s shirt, which he obliges. He goes to kiss the blonde and starts to unbuckle Felix’s belt when he senses Felix’s hands grab his wrist. With their mouths still connected, he allows Felix to guide his hands to the bottom of his shirt, immediately getting the picture of what Felix wants. Wordlessly, when their lips disconnect for a moment to breathe, Jeongin takes off his shirt before reconnecting their lips again and returning his hands to Felix’s way too complicated belt buckle. 

Once the belt is finally removed, Felix steps back to urgently take his pants and boxers off, clearly just as eager as Jeongin is to continue, but that isn’t necessarily the speed that Jeongin wants. He is glad that he knows that Felix is having a good time, but he wants him to feel special, loved, and appreciated and that plan involves not rushing things tonight. 

“Stunning.” Jeongin can’t help but compliment the gorgeous man in front of him and admires the way that Felix’s blush spreads down his neck onto his chest. He is excited to learn as much as possible in the one night he has with him. 

Jeongin cups Felix’s face before leaning down to pick him up bridal style. Felix laughs in surprise as he is picked up and says “what are you doing?” but Jeongin doesn’t answer. He proceeds to spin around a few times before walking over to the bed and gently placing Felix on it. He then crawls on top of Felix and pecks his lips before pecking down the middle of his chest in a line down to his cock. When he looks back up to make eye contact with the other man he sees surprise written all over his face, Felix’s eyes wide and mouth open. 

Taking it as a sign to continue, Jeongin continues to worship Felix’s body by putting more pecks down each of his legs while Felix watches him without a word. Once he’s done with both legs, he goes back to Felix’s face and uses his left hand to cup his chin and connect their lips once again. Felix uses both his hands to squeeze at Jeongin’s upper arm, and Jeongin is silently grateful for every time he has worked out after work rather than napping.

While Jeongin is enjoying the silent reverence that he is showing Felix, and what he is getting in return, he really wants to hear what Felix sounds like in pleasure. At Felix’s moment of peak, does he have a low groan to match his voice, or a higher pitched whine in contrast? Jeongin wants to hear each and every iteration of Felix’s pleasure and his own pleasure is secondary to that motion. 

Still on top of Felix, with only the sound of Felix’s breathing to keep him company, Jeongin reaches over into his side table for a well loved bottle of lube. He squeezes some onto his left hand, tosses it not too far to the side knowing he may need it again, and rubs his hands together to hopefully warm it up enough to not shock Felix with its temperature. Felix’s face hasn’t lost its flabbergasted look and Jeongin smiles at him.

“Are you okay?” Jeongin asks.

Felix shakes the look off his face. “Yeah, of course I’m fine. I’m just a little surprised.”

“A special night for a special man.” Lube sufficiently warmed up in his mind, he softly grabs Felix’s cock, and hears the other man’s breath hitch in surprise and Jeongin silently curses knowing he could have warmed it up a bit more but continues as to not leave Felix on the edge, slowly stroking up and down. “How many do you normally have in a night?”

“W- what?” Felix stutters.

“Um,” Jeongin’s confidence temporarily evaporates as he explains himself. “How many times do you normally, you know,” Jeongin mimes jerking off with his other hand and sees the recognition dawn on the other’s face “cum from the others in a night?”

“Oh yeah, right, normally once. U- ah- usually just once. While I’m getting-” He sucks in a breath. “Getting pounded. W- Why?”

“Can you go twice?” Jeongin inquires. He needs to know what’s alright and not alright with Felix before he can really get into it. The last thing he wants is for Felix to cum from the handjob and have that be it for the night. He wants this to be memorable.

“Yes” Felix groans, his cock twitching in agreement. “Yes, yes, yes please.”

Jeongin smiles, a plan forming in his head, and slowly picks up speed jerking off the love of his life. His efforts are rewarded with Felix breathing heavily and making rapid pitchy whines and Jeongin attempts to commit every noise to memory. Tempted, Jeongin reaches with his other hand and pinches one of Felix’s nipples and receives an “oh my god”.

He continues with his assault on Felix’s dick and nipples and decides that he could make this even better by planting kisses on Felix’s neck, sucking a bit as he goes. The more he continues, the more his love’s breath picks up. It isn’t long before Felix speaks again.

“I’m close, In, Innie, I’m close!” Jeongin leaves one kiss over Felix’s heart before looking him in the eyes. 

“Go ahead my love.” Jeongin puts his mouth around the tip of Felix’s dick and not even a second later he hears the most gorgeous sound and his mouth is filled with a bitter sticky substance. He has never understood why some people enjoy the taste of cum, but knowing that this is the result of Felix reaching peak pleasure makes him comprehend the concept a bit more. 

Jeongin removes his mouth from Felix’s dick, swallows, and goes to kiss a very pliant Felix and the other lazily moves his mouth against his. When they break apart, Felix laughs and says “that felt so good.”

“I’m glad.” Jeongin laughs. He admires his handiwork, loving the various bite marks and forming bruises along Felix’s throat and upper chest, almost like a claim that the other man was his. “Tonight is all about you. I want you to feel everything.”

While Jeongin is upset he wasn’t able to look at Felix’s face when he reached his peak, he’s more than glad that he has a second chance to achieve that. Taking the opportunity to do so while Felix cools down, Jeongin gets up to remove the clothes on his lower body before returning to the bed. He could sense Felix’s eyes on his dick and Jeongin’s ego and confidence go up. 

“How are you feeling?” Jeongin asks.

“Great. Fantastic. And now that I’ve seen this,” Felix points at his dick “I need that inside of me asap! Yes sir, let’s go!” Jeongin laughs before flipping Felix onto his stomach. Fully expecting that to mean he was going to get fingers in him, Felix lifts his butt into the air, shaking it a little and arching his back. Instead, Felix feels a large hand pushing his butt down before those hands move to his shoulders and begin to dig in, massaging him.

Felix attempts to turn around to look at him, but Jeongin stops him. “Trust me, yeah? I want you to be fully relaxed.”

“I thought I said I wanted your dick inside me?” Felix pouts, head turned to the side.

“And you will, I promise.” Jeongin finds a tight spot on Felix’s back and hears him moan in response. “The more relaxed you are, the better it will feel. And if this knot is any indication,” Another moan. “You really needed this.”

“Where did you learn this?”

“From you, remember? When you used to practice your massage skills on me.”

“You paid attention to that?”

“I pay attention to everything you do.” Jeongin is completely serious in that declaration. He has a whole filing cabinet in his mind down to the minute details about Felix. He doesn’t get a response, but he also doesn't need one.

Once he was done, Felix once again stuck his butt up, but Jeongin flipped him around onto his back. He was not going to miss the opportunity to look Felix in the eyes and kiss him while fucking him. He could see that Felix’s cock was beginning to stiffen up again, and took that as his cue to continue. He grabs the lube bottle, pours more on his fingers, and begins to warm them up again. On the other hand, Felix spreads his legs wide in anticipation.

Feeling ready, Jeongin leans down and uses his right pointer finger to circle Felix’s rim before putting it in. Jeongin knows he needs to control his awe at the situation in order to do his best, but he can’t help but stare as his finger disappears inside Felix. Unfortunately, he takes too long and Felix is impatient.

“Innie…” He whines. “Do something already.” His whining is accompanied by wiggling, but when he looks back up to Felix’s face, he can see that Felix is smiling and that comforts him that the other man is just bratting a little and not actually upset. With a smile, Jeongin begins to move his finger in and out, feeling around to stretch him out while also searching for the perfect spot inside him. 

Jeongin knows that he found it when he hears a muffled moan and realizes that Felix had been covering his mouth. With the hand not in Felix’s ass, he gently moves the other’s hands away. He doesn’t want to be aggressive, but he also wants to get the point across that he wants to hear everything and that Felix has nothing to be embarrassed about. When he lets go, and Felix doesn’t move his hands back to his face he knows he was understood.

Feeling confident, Jeongin adds a second finger to Felix’s ass, slowly picking up speed, feeling around and curling his fingers to make sure that everything is stretched properly. He pointedly avoided Felix’s prostate, not knowing how sensitive the other man was and how quickly he could climax. Spreading his fingers out a little as he brought them in and out, the room was full of squishy sounds, and while Felix can be a bit of a yapper, both have always been content with simply enjoying each other’s presence in silence.

After a bit, Jeongin felt that Felix was stretched enough to add another, he was about to put a third in when he heard protests. 

“Innie, Innie please, please, I can’t wait anymore. I need it. I’m good, I promise. I’ve never had to wait this long please.” Jeongin shakes his head no. He doesn’t like denying Felix anything that he wants, but he doesn’t want him to feel any pain whatsoever, even if it means that he has to wait a little longer. He knows from bits and pieces of conversation that Felix doesn’t mind minor pain when it comes to sex, but that’s not something Jeongin feels comfortable causing, at least for tonight.

“I know Lixie-hyung, I’m sorry, just let me stretch you just a little more.” Jeongin slides a third finger in and begins to up the pace so he can be efficient in stretching Felix. He looks up at Felix, trying to search for his true feelings. “Is that okay? Just a little longer I’ll be quick.”

“Of course that’s okay Innie, I’m just a little surprised is all and I can’t wait to feel your big dick inside of me.” Jeongin blushes at the compliment and separates his fingers, making sure to feel around every nook and cranny.

“Thank you,” He lets out a sigh. “It’s not that I’m opposed to anything, it’s just that I want to treat you how I think you deserve. You’re too special to just ‘fuck and dump’ in one night.”

“Oh, um, you’ve thought about this a lot since that conversation in the car huh?”

“A reasonable amount” Jeongin mumbles in response. He doesn’t know how to explain that he has been thinking about this for years, but decides to not even try since it’ll make him look more desperate than anything. Finally, Jeongin feels that Felix is sufficiently stretched out and goes to grab a condom from his side table, opens the packaging, and slides it on and rubs the remaining lube on his hands on the rubber. “Ready, love?”

“Ready, Innie.” Jeongin lines himself up and slowly pushes in, both him and Felix letting out harmonious twin moans. While he is waiting for Felix’s body to get used to the intrusion, he admires the body laying in front of him. Just like in his dreams, Felix’s body looks so relaxed and comfortable, his face scrunched up in pleasure rather than pain. A red flush is visible throughout his pale, freckled body. He sees Felix start to nod so Jeongin leans down to connect their mouths together and begins to move his hips.

Jeongin wants to swallow every moan Felix’s mouth lets out. He squeezes Felix’s waist a little, which causes him to gasp against his lips, and Jeongin explores Felix’s mouth. 

“Holy shit you are so perfect.” Jeongin says when his mouth leaves Felix’s. “My beautiful, sexy, sweet Lixie.” Jeongin knows by this point that he has made a mistake in prepositioning this night as a one night stand. His feelings are anything but disappearing. He didn’t think that Felix could get more special, but the way that his hips meet his and how he looks at him with so much adoration makes Jeongin so ecstatic, he’s not sure that he’s ever been so turned on in his life.

Jeongin is getting closer and closer to the edge, and starts whispering compliments in Felix’s ear. He keeps a steady pace and reaches to grab at Felix’s hard cock and strokes it a little.

“Close, so close. Right there. Fuck, so close Jeongin. Feels so good.”

“Me too baby, so close, so good.” Jeongin makes sure to continue making eye contact with Felix, and watches his face and listens to him give a low groan before he can feel Felix’s release on his hand. Jeongin works him through it before letting out his own groan and release. As he begins to pull out, he hears Felix hiss and all Jeongin can do is apologize. He goes to take the condom off, when he notices that his hand is completely covered in Felix’s cum. He licks it really quick before going to take the condom off when he sees Felix’s flabbergasted face. “What’s that face for?”

“You just licked it up like it was nothing.”

“It’s not like I didn’t do that already,” Jeongin laughs as he ties off the condom and tosses it across the room into a trash can.

“Yeah but you did it like it was nothing. Most guys just wipe it on the sheets or something like that.” Jeongin gets up to stretch his legs before picking up Felix bridal style. “Where are we going?”

“Bath time!” He brings Felix into the bathroom and sits him on the counter as he sets up the bath.

“I’m getting the full princess treatment huh?” Felix laughs like it’s a funny joke.

“Of course.” Jeongin says, stern in his response. Once the bath is full and a sufficient temperature, he grabs Felix to place him in it and lays with him inside the bath. He takes his time to wash Felix’s hair and makes sure that the other is nice and clean. In return, Felix washes Jeongin as well. Jeongin can’t help but splash Felix one or two times. 

When the two finally get dry and lay in bed, Jeongin is thoroughly physically and mentally exhausted and knows he will be asleep as soon as he closes his eyes. Thinking Felix is already asleep, Jeongin kisses his cheek and says “I love you so so much,” and finally closes his eyes.

He doesn’t know Felix is still awake, and he doesn’t hear his response. 

~~~

When Jeongin wakes up the next morning, he feels better than he has in weeks. It is as if all the tension in his body has disappeared. Patting around next to him on the bed he tries to reach for Felix before realizing the space next to him is empty. Panicking, Jeongin sits up and rubs his eyes and checks his phone, but there are no new messages. He should have known better before thinking that he could be different to Felix. Something more than a one night stand. Jeongin rolls out of bed, grabs a pair of pants, and heads out to the kitchen before stopping in his steps.

“Ah, Jeongin, you’re awake!”

There is Felix in the kitchen, dressed only in his boxers and an apron that said ‘May the forks be with you’ that he got as a birthday gift from Minho. Felix looks over at Jeongin with a bright smile and gestures towards the oven. “The banana bread should be done in a few minutes, can you grab some plates for me please?” Jeongin, wordlessly, follows Felix’s command, grabbing plates from the cabinet. 

“You stayed?” Jeongin asks. “And- and made breakfast?”

“Of course I did! It’s you!” It’s you. Jeongin’s brain is just full of those two words over and over again. Has Felix discovered his feelings? Does he know how much Jeongin loves him? Has he seduced him? Jeongin sits down on a stool by his kitchen island with a goofy grin on his face in silence. Felix’s timer goes off and he quickly grabs the bread before putting it on the counter to rest and sitting on a stool across from Jeongin. “So… how’d you sleep?”

“Amazing. Truly. Thank you, that might have been the best night of my life.” Jeongin might be laying it on a bit thick but Felix said it’s you! 

“Aw no problem! I had a great time as well.” Felix seems genuinely bashful about the compliment. The redness of his cheeks only makes his smile brighter. Jeongin wishes he could always look that happy. “Did you learn anything new about yourself? Like a type?”

“Big eyes, blonde hair, thin grabbable waist,” It’s you! “Someone with a beautiful smile, who looks at me with so much trust and love.” All last night did was prove Felix is everything to Jeongin. It surpassed all of his expectations, and he understands why so many people want to sleep with Felix. 

“That’s great! I’m so happy for you Innie. You’ve been so tightly wound up these last few weeks, I’m glad I could help you get loose. And, it wasn’t just you who learned something, I learned something from last night as well.” Felix sighs whimsically and looks so eager to tell Jeongin what he learned. Jeongin already has visions of what he is about to say, he’s so glad that Felix has finally figured out that he’s always thought of Felix as more than just his best friend. “Usually I go for guys like Channie-hyung and Hyunjin. Guys who would throw me around and use me in the most delicious of ways. I never would have thought I would enjoy it nice and slow and loving like with you.” Jeongin did not need to be reminded of all the people Felix has been with before, but it’s fine because Felix stayed for him. “I’ll have to try it again next time”. 

Next time. Felix is already thinking about next time with him. Jeongin can hardly believe what he is hearing. But just as Jeongin is about to express his desire for a repeat night, Felix opens his beautiful mouth again.

“There’s a few guys at Haven that I have pegged as ‘softer’ and avoided. Now, I know that it could be worth it to talk to them as well. Thank you Jeongin, now I know what I’m going to do next time!” Felix claps his hands before turning around to look for a bread knife for the banana bread and Jeongin feels like he can’t breathe. 

When Felix spins back around he can see Felix’s mouth moving but all he hears is ringing. Why did Jeongin think this was a good idea? Why did he even consider that Felix could ever have feelings for him? To Felix, this was just another one night stand, which is what he proposed in the first place, but it still hurts to put together. What was Jeongin expecting? Felix to fall in love with him after one night like in one of Jisung’s fairytales? Foolish, naive and childish was what Jeongin was. 

All it does is make him realize he was never going to achieve Seungmin’s seduction proposal. He is too stupid and too soft to ever be Felix’s type. No wonder Felix never looked at him before.   

“Jeongin?” Felix is looking at him with a confused look in his eyes. “Did you hear what I said? Do you want a slice of banana bread?”

“Oh.. y- yeah sure. I would love some. Thanks Hyung.” Jeongin is focusing hard on keeping his voice steady. The last thing he needs is for Felix to realize his words have hurt him. Jeongin loved him too much to ever be the reason his smile left his face, and he is the one who created this scenario in the first place. This pain in his heart is all his fault, not Felix’s, Felix did everything that Jeongin has asked of him. The best thing will be for Felix to never find out that he ever had feelings. 

“Here ya go! I hope you like it. I’m trying out a new recipe just for you!”

Yeah, just for Jeongin.

~~~

Jeongin was awoken to loud banging on his front door. Content with his blanket cocoon, he snuggles into his bed more, closes his eyes, and mentally begs whoever is at his door to go away. 

No dice, the banging only gets louder and is now accompanied by screeching.

“YANG JEONGIN. If you don’t open this door I swear to god I’m going to break it down!”

Jeongin knows that if he doesn’t open the door soon he is going to get a noise complaint and that is the last thing he needs. He rolls away from his safe haven, already mourning the blanket haven he had made for himself, to go down the hall and open the door. He undos the lock, and swings open the door, and immediately he is greeted with an armful of a grown man. 

“How dare you make me wake up at 5am to get here before work so we can have breakfast together. How dare you.” Getting hugged suddenly by Jisung and seeing Minho and Seungmin behind him shocks Jeongin’s system and it is like a dam opens up. All the tears he has been holding back since Felix left his apartment releases all at once. Jeongin feels a hand at the small of his back.

“Let it out, let it all out. You’re okay. It’s okay.” Jeongin just squeezes Jisung and lets out a rather pitiful sound. He registers Seungmin closing his front door and Minho guiding him and Jisung to the couch. He ends up laying down with his head in Jisung’s lap, Minho sitting by his feet, and Seungmin sitting on the floor in front of him. When Jeongin composes himself, he finally speaks.

“You can say it. I know you want to, you can say it.” He tries to take the bitterness out of his voice but it’s still there. He expects Jisung to laugh and say that he told him so, for Seungmin to gloat at Jeongin’s misfortune, for Minho to be mad that he hasn’t been taking care of himself. 

“We said we would be here to pick up the pieces and here we are. I think you knew in your heart this was the only way this was going to end. There’s nothing to gloat about. I know you’ve been holding yourself back. Go ahead and shatter, we’ll be here to glue you together.”

At Minho’s words he goes ahead and curls into a ball and lets out an ugly sob. He has no one to blame but himself for this current situation. It hurts now, but Jeongin can only hope that when the boyfriends glue his heart back together they leave out the part that contained Felix so he doesn’t have to feel this anymore.

~~~

Jeongin learns after talking with the others that today is Monday, and he has actually missed two days of work and the entire weekend. Minho, who works with Jeongin, luckily had spun a story to their manager that Jeongin had a nasty case of the flu, and Jeongin was eternally grateful for him. The others had a feeling that he needed space and resolved to not bother him, but after the 4th day of silence they knew that they had to make sure that he was alive, which is how Jeongin discovers his phone had died at some point between Felix and now.

Against his better judgement, Jeongin asks about Felix. Maybe it’s a sick part of his head that wishes Felix is as miserable as he is, but he learns that Felix is fine and doesn’t suspect a thing. Minho makes the group breakfast, although he scolds Jeongin for the state of his fridge. Before long, it’s time for them to leave for work, but Minho convinces Jeongin that he is able to buy him one more day with the flu excuse and that they would see him later after work. 

Jeongin hasn’t decided if he regrets last Wednesday or not. On one hand, he is satisfied he gave Felix the night he wanted. He can’t “catch” feelings if he already had them, a technicality he is grasping at. Also, as long as Felix doesn’t sense anything, what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him. In the other man’s mind this mission was accomplished. On the other hand, Jeongin was miserable, but he would always protect Felix’s peace before his.

~~~

Wednesday night comes quicker than Jeongin could have ever imagined. Yesterday and today he was able to drown himself in all the work he had missed with his “flu”. Minho told their boss that he had puked when Minho had visited on Monday so their boss stayed far away which let Jeongin do whatever he needed to do in peace without someone hovering over his shoulder.

He hasn’t spoken to Felix at all, but he knows that he needs to soon, so he throws a “same time, same place?” text Felix’s way and gets a thumbs up and 5 sparkle emojis in return so he thinks that is a good start. His problem hyungs are once again coming early to prep him for what will probably be an emotional night. 

~~~

“Felix, welcome, I hope you are ready to lose!” Jisung jokes as he opens the door for Felix, but that isn’t what Jeongin notices, which leads him to turn to Seungmin.

“I thought you said he was fine?” Instead of his perfect freckles under his shining eyes, there are dark bags. 

“He was.” Seungmin seems just as confused as Jeongin is. “I called him to talk about the new League Worlds song over the weekend and he seemed fine. I don’t know what happened.” 

Jeongin has a sick feeling in his stomach that he is the cause of it. 

“Good luck Jisung.” Felix places his bag to the side and takes off his shoes before finding his spot on the ground next to Jeongin, but Felix doesn’t even glance his way, and that’s how he knows that he is at least part of the problem plaguing Felix. Jisung is just as taken a back as Felix doesn’t attempt to fight back against his jest.

With Minho being the big loser last week, he goes to the kitchen to set up snacks while Jeongin boots up a 20 turn game of Mario Party while everyone else sits with awkward vibes, picking up on Felix’s off mood. It isn’t until turn 10 that Jisung tries again to make Felix laugh.

“Damn, you are right by Boo, and with over 50 coins? I’m so screwed huh.” He pretends to faint against Seungmin, who smiles at his partner’s antics. Felix only shrugs in return.

“I think I’m just going to pick ‘random’.” Jisung’s mouth falls open as Felix selects the random button rather than his Bowser Jr.. The selector lands on Jeongin’s Yoshi and Yoshi collapses to the ground as a star is ripped from his body.

“If you would have asked me for the star I would have given it to you.” Jeongin smiles at Felix, thinking maybe he is the charm to cheer the other up. However, Felix doesn’t look his way or even acknowledge that he had said anything. Jisung looks back and forth between the two of them and when the two lock eyes, Jisung gives Jeongin an exasperated look. 

The game continues, but everything feels rather muted. It feels like everyone is going through the motions of the game rather than truly enjoying it like they normally do. When the game ends…

“I won?” Jisung is shocked by the results of the game. While he does win from time to time, it is very infrequent and it certainly doesn’t come like this, when Felix had every opportunity to stop him and didn’t take it. While Jeongin and the boyfriends are trying to comprehend what happened, Felix gets up, packs his stuff up, and heads out the front door. Without any hesitation, Jeongin chases after him.

“Felix! Hyung! Wait!” Jeongin has known Felix for long enough to know that the other man was never going to come to him with his feelings. He’s the type to bottle everything up until it explodes. He doesn’t lie, but that doesn’t mean he is forthcoming either. Jeongin feels lucky enough that he lets him in for their late night post hookup car rides. Every nasty feeling Jeongin has felt over the weekend washes away as he is dedicated to figuring out what is wrong with one of the most important people of his life. Felix spins around to look at him, arms crossed around his middle.

“Jeongin,” He starts, “I’m really not in the mood right now, sorry.” Jeongin catches up to Felix and goes to put a hand on his shoulder but Felix flinches back and Jeongin just awkwardly lets down the hand that was stuck standing in the air. 

“Are you okay?” It’s a dumb question to ask because clearly Felix isn’t okay, but Jeongin hopes opening this avenue of conversation will allow Felix to express what’s happening. 

“Yeah- yeah I’m fine.” A lie. “It’s just been a rough weekend. Nothing major.”

“Lixie…” Jeongin grabs at his right ear. “Please… is this about last week?” He watches as Felix’s face changes. He isn’t able to determine what emotion is on the other’s face, but he knows that he hits the mark. 

“I went to Haven, on Saturday.” Jeongin tries to stamp down his jealousy, and normally he can, but since he wasn’t prepared this time he knows the green emotion bleeds onto his face. He can only hope Felix couldn’t read it. 

“How- how’d it go?” In truth, Jeongin doesn’t really want to know, but if it gives him the clues he needs on how to help Felix he could deal with it. 

“It started fine. I danced, talked with others. The same old same old. I found someone who I thought would give me an experience like you did. We got to his apartment, and he picked me up and I thought I read everything right and then he threw me on the bed and hit my ass.” Felix laughs emptily. “And normally I’m into that right? It’s what I like. But in that moment it was the furthest thing from what I wanted. So, I got up and grabbed my clothes, explained the situation, and left. He didn’t put up a fight.” Jeongin is thankful for small victories, but he is confused as to what happened to lead to today. “I did what I normally do and called you, but it immediately got denied to voicemail, didn’t even ring.”

“Oh, Hyung, my phone was dead for most of the weekend. I didn’t even know, I’m so sorry.” Felix gives him a half hearted smile.

“I figured that was the case. Or at least something similar at first. It was really early in the morning, and I’ve been really blessed that you’ve always been awake in the past. Truly, I didn’t think much of it, and took an Uber home. I wasn’t hurt, I wasn’t in danger, I wasn’t worried.”

Jeongin is glad this Haven hookup gone wrong has a happy ending, but it doesn’t explain why Felix is standing in front of him looking deep in thought with bags under his eyes. There is something more that Felix isn’t telling him, and Jeongin has to find it out.

“But if you knew my phone died, why wouldn’t you look at me today?” 

“Seungmin called me on Sunday because the new Worlds song was out already and he wanted to talk about it. I had mentioned what happened the day before at Haven and he mentioned that he hadn’t heard from you since he left on Wednesday.”

Jeongin is going to kill that dog.

“And it got me thinking. I hadn’t heard from you since Thursday, and Seungmin hadn’t heard from you since Wednesday, and that means neither had the other two. There’s only reason why you would shut down after that morning.”

“Hyung, it isn’t what it looks like I promise.” Jeongin pleads his case. To be honest, he doesn’t know what he is arguing for, but he needs to get across that it is his own feelings that got in the way and not anything that Felix did.

“Is that so? Because from my mind you did what you always do, sacrifice yourself for me. Did you even want to fuck me?”

If Jeongin wasn’t already confused, he certainly is now. He thought Felix would yell at him for catching feelings, not for this. It completely throws off everything that he was thinking he was going to have to say.

“What?”

“Did I-?” Felix lets out a tiny sob that he tries to cover up and Jeongin feels his heart break. “Did I pressure you? Did you feel like you had to to make me happy? Is that why you shut down afterwards? Did I f-”

“No!” Jeongin has to stop this line of thought before it spirals into dangerous territory. Granted, he is sure Felix had already thought this line of thought by the fact that he probably hasn’t slept since that call with Seungmin, but Jeongin can’t bear to listen to it anymore.

Felix is still sobbing uncontrollably and all Jeongin wants to do is reach out and hold him. He restrains himself until he hears Felix say it’s alright after flinching away when he tries to grab his shoulder. 

“Lixie,” Jeongin starts, “I made my own decisions. My shut down was my own fault, not yours.” 

That must have been the wrong thing to say because Felix starts sobbing even more.

“You shouldn’t be making such important decisions because of me. You’re too selfless. You-”

“I’M NOT SELFLESS!” Jeongin interrupts, silencing Felix. “I’m selfish. So, so selfish. I didn’t do it just for you, I did it for me, because I wanted to. I was jealous of every man that you had been with, every man that wasn’t me. Every time I drove you home I would think, why not me? I would treat you right because I love you, why not me? So, I knew this line of thought was killing me and I selfishly, not selflessly, offered myself for a night. And then I lied-”

“You love me?” Felix’s voice is small, smaller than Jeongin has ever heard before. It takes a moment, but Jeongin quickly runs through what he just said and realizes his mistake. It would be so easy to lie, say it was a slip of a tongue or that he meant he loves Felix as a friend, but Jeongin can’t lie about something so precious as his feelings anymore.

“I do.” He answers. “I have, for a long time.”

“Then why? Why would you say you only wanted one night, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I- I knew that you would never look at me, and that you weren’t ready for another relationship, not after him, so if I couldn’t make you happy in the way that I was thinking, I would make you happy in the way you wanted, and then I would have you, even if it’s just once. It’s a bit hard to explain,” Jeongin wrings his fingers together, hoping to find the right words to end this misunderstanding once and for all. Felix makes a small gesture for him to continue. “I was hoping that with this, it would be the end of my feelings for you and I would be able to move on.”

“And did you- did you move on? Are your feelings gone?”

“No,” Jeongin meets Felix’s eyes with his own. “No, they didn’t go away, they only grew. I’m sorry Lixie-hyung, I lied. I couldn’t give you that one night no strings attached hookup you wanted. I hope you can forgive me.”

Felix was shell shocked, a million different things running through his head but nothing coming out of his mouth. Jeongin doesn’t know what that means for him and the future of their friendship. 

“How long? How long have I forced you to watch me have hookup after hookup when you had been feeling this way?”

“Lix-”

“How long?” Felix’s voice is rising in force and Jeongin understands that he has to answer honestly.

“Since college, the day I found you in that walkway and brought you to the cafe I worked at. For me, it was love at first sight.” Felix’s breath hitches.

“That was before him. Before I even met him, before I dated him, before he cheated on me and it broke my heart and soul.”

“I know.”

“This entire time?”

“Yes.”

Felix is silent, slowly comprehending and re-interpreting every interaction that he had ever had in his mind.

“I wouldn’t throw for just anyone in Mario Party.” Jeongin shrugs, trying to make a joke out of a very unfunny situation. 

“When we went to bed Wednesday night, you said you loved me. At first I thought you were joking, but after thinking about it a bit more I thought you might have been serious about it and asked but you were already asleep. I didn’t bring it up again because I thought if you were serious you would, but you didn’t.”

“I had convinced myself that it would work. That I would have the night with you and the feelings would go away and I could move on. When that didn’t work and you were so happy I thought you knew, and that you wanted a relationship with me. Then that didn’t pan out the way I wanted and you said you were excited to go back to Haven I shut down. It wasn’t until Jisung, Minho, and Seungmin barged into my apartment that I even broke out of it. They said that you were fine, and then when I texted you and you sent back fucking sparkles I figured that they must have been right and I needed to snap out of my funk. But you weren’t okay. I’m sorry I made you think that you had done something wrong with my silence.”

“Jeongin, Innie, you did nothing wrong. I came to my own incorrect conclusions based on my own insecurities.”

“Still, I hurt you. I continue to hurt you!” He turns away. “I just wanted to make you happy and I made it worse. And now you have to deal with my feelings when you don’t feel the same way.”

“Who says I don’t?” 

Jeongin whipped his head back so quickly.

“What do you mean?” He is holding his breath, afraid of what would come out of Felix’s mouth next.

“Innie, you showed me the best night of my life. You treated me like I was the most precious person in the world, not another person warming your bed. The biggest reason why I couldn’t go through with it on Saturday was because the other guy wasn’t you. I had been imagining he was you the whole time and when he spanked me it broke me out of that delusion and I realized he wasn’t what I wanted at all. I wanted to go back to you.”

Silence follows Felix’s declaration. You can hear a pin drop. Jeongin cannot believe what he is hearing. 

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since that moment. The way you grab your ears to settle yourself, the way you smile with the intent to make others smile with you, and how out of your way you have always gone for me. I never realized that anytime I felt off, you were always right there by my side. It’s like I had blinders on this entire time, I don’t know how I missed it.” Felix shakes his head. “How’d I miss it?”

“What does this mean?” Jeongin doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but the more Felix speaks, and the more he thinks out loud, gives him something he wasn’t expecting from this conversation, hope.

“It’s so funny.” Felix continues, side stepping the question. “Everytime I would go out I would think ‘I wonder what Jeongin would think of this guy’ or after I was done ‘wow, Jeongin is going to think this guy is a real dick when I tell him about it’ or just something about you in general. I just had sex with someone super attractive and yet my thoughts always landed on you. It’s like my brain was trying to lead me to you this entire time.”

Felix takes a few steps forward and softly grabs Jeongin’s face with his hands. He brings their faces close together and says the words that Jeongin will cherish for the rest of his life.

“Jeongin, I love you too.”

Felix slots his lips against Jeongin’s and Jeongin wraps his arms around the other's waist, deepening the kiss. He can’t stop the tears coming out of his eyes. This is everything he imagined and more. He can taste Felix’s tears in mouth, mixing with his own. He never expected that Felix would return his feelings, that he could have this moment right now. It’s just fireworks and light shows in Jeongin’s head. 

When they finally separate, Jeongin gives Felix a huge smile, and Felix gives one back before they both laugh at the absurdity of the past ten minutes. 

“Take me home?” Felix asks, gesturing towards Jeongin’s car. “I could take the bus, but…”

“Of course, I’d be glad to.”

~~~~

“Yang Jeongin, I get that he’s your boyfriend, but you don’t need to throw every minigame for him you know.” Jisung pouts. 

It’s been a month since Felix stormed out of Jeongin’s apartment, and three weeks since the two had made it official. They had decided that they wanted to go on a few dates before asking the question, and they did a weekend extravaganza to make up for lost time. They went to a fancy restaurant, karaoke, and a pottery class and enjoyed every second. It wasn’t until Felix had come early to Mario Party Wednesday a week after the disaster that Jeongin had asked him to be his boyfriend, and Felix said yes. 

When the three losers they always play with arrived, the two lovebirds kissed, and the other three were ecstatic. 

“I don’t throw EVERY minigame. There are plenty I’m just bad at.”

“Oh piss off, him getting first in that minigame gave him enough coins for the star. That’s not a coincidence.”

Jeongin chooses not to respond and instead kisses his boyfriend on the cheek. He hears gagging noises from the couch behind him. 

“I can’t believe Kim Seungmin’s dumbass plan worked.” Minho remarks. 

“What plan?” Felix asks, and Jeongin freezes because he completely forgot to tell Felix about it. 

“Seungmin thought it would be a good idea for me to try and seduce you with my body since my words weren’t working. We all thought it was dumb and I didn’t end up doing it.” Jeongin waves his hands recalling the ridiculousness of the plan.

“But you technically did, didn’t you? You ruined sex with anyone else for me. I couldn’t think about another dick without thinking of you.”

“Huh,” Jeongin says. “I guess that’s right.”

Seungmin shouts in victory and Minho tries to calm him down. Jeongin can vaguely hear Jisung protesting saying ‘I did not need to know all that’, but all Jeongin registers is the magnificent man in front of him. He leads over to peck him on the lips.

“I love you Felix.” 

Felix smiles.

“I love you too, Jeongin.”