Archive of Our Own ^beta

Casey woke with a pleasant little shudder as Landon’s knee nudged his hip, pulling him fractionally closer in the dim light filtering through their bedroom window.

The morning sun was still a theory more than a reality, casting the room in a gentle, hazy grey, but Casey was definitely awake now, and definitely ready to enjoy the fact that his husband was pressed up against him, smelling faintly of clean linen and the distinct, warm scent that was just Landon.

"Morning, sleepyhead," Casey murmured, his voice thick with sleep, as he shifted his weight to kiss the top of Landon’s head.

Landon hummed in response, a low, contented sound, and snaked a hand under Casey’s t-shirt, tracing the faint lines of his abs.

They had been married for almost two years now, and every morning still felt like a gift. Casey still found himself staring at Landon: the sharp curve of his jaw, the ridiculously long, dark eyelashes, the muscles that just wouldn’t quit and felt a surge of protective love so fierce it was almost painful.

Landon had come so far, shedding so much of the guardedness and fear that had shadowed his early career. He was bright, confident, and utterly himself, but Casey knew, intimately, the tender spots that still existed, especially when it came to his body and sex.

Their initial morning exploration was soft, easy, a familiar dance of hands and lips that required no words. Casey rolled onto his back, pulling Landon up until he was draped over him, their
mouths connecting in a slow, deep kiss that tasted like last night’s dreams and the promise of today.

Casey’s hand, wandering lazily down Landon’s spine, slipped lower. It was meant to be a simple, affectionate touch, a playful tease. His fingers grazed the junction between Landon’s thighs, brushing feather-lightly over his ass cheeks before accidentally, momentarily, brushing the entrance to Landon’s hole.

The effect was instantaneous and shocking. Landon’s entire body went rigid, a shudder tearing through him so violently it jolted Casey beneath him.

Landon’s lips parted, and a tight, barely stifled whine of pain escaped, instantly swallowed by his sharp intake of breath. His eyes snapped open, wide and glossy with alarm as Casey’s easygoing warmth vanished, replaced by an icy jolt of adrenaline.

"I'm so sorry! Landon, sweetheart, did I go too far? What’s wrong?" he fretted, his voice rising in alarm and intense worry and Landon knew Casey’s protective instincts were suddenly fully engaged.

Casey wasted no time pulling his hand away in favor of reaching up to cup Landon’s cheek, when he registered the sensation of something on his fingertips.

He looked down immediately and sure enough there was something small and dark there and in less than a second his brain caught up with his eyes and he realized it was an alarming, if very miniscule amount of blood.

Landon knew the exact millisecond that Casey had noticed it and heart leapt into his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut tight, wishing there was some way he could escape.

But his brain wouldn't cooperate, and instead he found himself looking directly into Casey's beautiful light eyes as he gingerly lifted his chin until their faces were even.

Even though Casey was being so gentle and surprisingly calm about this, Landon couldn't stop his breathing from becoming shallow and shaky as a sick wave of dread washed over him.

Hearing his heartbeat in his ears, Landon finally found his voice after several silently agonizing seconds. “Casey…” Landon managed, his voice no more than a terrified whisper, that Casey was relieved to hear, even as it tore at his heart.

Casey, his gaze intense, immediately began caressing both of Landon’s cheeks, successfully comforting him while still keeping their shared gaze steady and filled with love and concern.

Even still, there was no mistaking that his expression was serious. His brow was tightly furrowed with deep anxiety, and Landon could tell by the firm set of his jaw that his teeth were very tightly clenched. But despite his thinly-veiled stress his touch remained infinitely gentle, radiating safety.

"Landon. Look at me," Casey breathed, his voice wavering slightly as he tried to keep his emotions in check, as he feared the worst.

Casey had to work exceptionally hard to keep from demanding an answer from Landon, as rage, anxiety, and aching love for his other half warred inside him.

After taking a deep breath through his nose and letting it out slowly, he firmly but lovingly asked, "What happened?"

The silence that followed was long and heavy, stretching out for two nearly unbearable minutes as Landon visibly wrestled with his terror and shame.

Despite his need for an answer, Casey didn't repeat his question, nor try to rush his husband, instead he just held him tighter, and waited patiently, his kind eyes remaining a steady source of comfort as Landon's gaze flickered up to meet them repeatedly, before looking away out of embarrassment, fear, or something else, Casey couldn't tell.

Finally, Landon managed to choke out some words, his voice raw as they tumbled from his lips, “Yes, it was me, Casey, I was experimenting... Yesterday, before you got home from getting your hair cut. Apparently I’m even worse at it than I realized..."

His eyes were brimming with unshed tears almost instantly and he started to pull away as he tried to hide his face in Casey’s chest, utterly consumed by shame, fighting a losing battle against his mortification at being "caught" being intimate with his own body, but also having to admit he couldn't even manage to do it without causing physical damage to himself, however insignificant it happened to be.

But before Landon even had the chance to get free of Casey's strong embrace, the familiar ring of his warm voice cut through the stale air that seemed to be stuck in this hellscape that had suddenly come true.

"Landon? Wait a second; YOU did this?" Casey's voice was still somewhat tight, but sounded quite relieved, which had Landon wondering if his judgement had suddenly become so fucked up that his hearing was being affected by his non-existent brain injury as well.

Despite his deepest wishes, the sudden change in his husband's tone made Landon glance back up into Casey’s light, beautiful eyes.

Casey looked sort of calm?

And now Landon was more confused and concerned than ever, as he failed to swallow down the ever-growing tightness in his throat and instead had to gasp through a tight, rattling sob.

"Yes. I’m so s-sorr-" Landon sniffed, before getting cut off by Casey's outburst of "Oh, thank fucking god!"

Landon's wet eyes shot open, as Casey gathered him somehow even closer and he could actually feel the tension immediately evaporate from Casey’s entire body and hear his massive, audible exhale of sheer, gut-wrenching relief.

Once, he was breathing normally again, he leaned his forehead down and pressed it gently against Landon’s, who was looking more perplexed than ever.

Casey didn't let him stay that way for another minute, as he was so good at, he just began talking ridiculously fast and undeniably passionately.

"Sweetheart, Jesus Christ, I was worried I was going to have to delete someone's membership to life, and although I wouldn't hesitate to do it, we both know exactly how awful I look in orange."

His voice was a million times lighter now, the worry replaced by a profound, shaking relief that made him sound almost giddy.

Casey pulled back just enough to brush the tears from Landon’s cheeks with his thumb and look deep into his sad, wary brown eyes, holding Landon right there, so he could soak in the pure love and compassion his gaze radiated.

Once he knew Landon was beginning to understand that he was safe and so completely loved, Casey once again wrapped his arms around his husband, pulling him flush against his chest, tucking his face into the curve of his neck, and holding him tight, rocking them both absently as the minutes slowly ticked by.

Only when Casey could feel Landon's heartbeat and breathing had been slow and steady for several minutes did he start speaking again, his voice soft and comforting.

"Hey, Lan? It's okay, you know. Experimenting is a really healthy way to learn about your body, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about."

When the only response he got was a grunt of probable disagreement from Landon, who was still snuggled tightly against him, Casey decided to change approaches slightly before continuing with, "It's absolutely okay, baby. As long as you were the one who did this, and you're okay, that’s all I care about, okay?"

Casey murmured into his ear, rubbing slow, soothing circles on his back as Landon finally loosened his tight grip on Casey and now simply rested his cheek on his husband's shoulder, slowly blinking his eyes open as he listened to him speak.

"We can talk about this, or figure out what works for you, or never bring it up ever again, whatever you want. But, no matter what, this is something that we can easily fix. We wouldn't be able to fix my rap sheet of crimes against humanity if anyone else was responsible for this."

Casey's voice was mildly amused, but Landon knew he was serious, he knew Casey would stop at nothing to defend him from anyone who tried to hurt him, not that it was very likely to happen given Landon's size and profession, but still, he loved that Casey always had his back, no matter what, just as he had Casey's.

Knowing the worst was over, and he wasn't being judged, not here where it was just him and Casey, Landon sniffed loudly and adjusted his hold on Casey, so it was less clinging to him like a lifeline and more embracing his best friend and person he loved most.

"I love you, Case. So much." Landon rumbled, his voice quiet and deep, before he sat upright and captured his husband's lips. He kissed him slowly, showing his deep and intense gratitude and adoration of his partner, who always knew just what to say or do when he needed it most. He only hoped he was successful in doing the same for Casey.

As if somehow reading his mind, or more likely his conflicted expression, Casey pulled away ever-so slightly to quickly murmur, "You make me feel safe and loved every single day, I don't know what I'd do without you, angel."

At Casey's words, Landon felt his own heart rate, which had still been a little too fast, slow even more as he realized it really was okay; It was fine, maybe even good to explore his own body, to make small mistakes, and most importantly, it was not just okay but incredibly freeing to be so emotionally vulnerable with Casey.

Looking back now, he wished he had come to Casey last night when he had first gotten home and just been open and honest with him. But he knew that next time, that is exactly what he would do, and that was the magic that so often strengthened their ever-expanding love for one another, not perfection, but growth.

Completely emotionally drained, Landon was perfectly content to just lay tangled together for the foreseeable future and maybe forever, but the insistent meows of their tiny rescue kitten, Meelo, meant that they were only allotted a whopping twenty minutes.

But that was okay, since they had a lifetime together, just the two of them and the tiny gray fluffball that had shown up on their doorstep a few weeks prior and decided he was also content to never leave.

Once Meelo had been fed and watered, Landon was ready to start cooking their own breakfast when Casey, never one to let silence linger, laughed loudly and abruptly, startling the tiny feline and Landon alike with the sudden noise.

"Sorry" Casey chuckled as both his husband and the kitten quickly recovered from their mild fright, and he pressed a final, warm kiss to Landon’s temple.

Landon responded by pinning him to the door of their pantry and kissing him breathless for several minutes, stopping just short of the point of no return, as Casey gently shifted their weight, pushing Landon backwards until his hips bumped their granite countertops.

Somehow finding the restraint to keep from having his way with his incredibly sexy husband right there in the kitchen, Casey decided that for once he would cosplay as a responsible late twenty-something and with a soft kiss behind Landon's ear that made him melt, whispered, "Come on, sweetheart, let’s get you all cleaned up. We need to make sure everything is going to heal okay on its own."

Landon rolled his eyes but complied, taking Casey's hand as he led the way to their en suite bathroom, before shuddering as he imagined having that conversation with a doctor or nurse and how traumatizing that would be.

Casey, always perceptive, took notice of Landon's sudden nerves nearly instantly and once they were in the bathroom he paused, looking into Landon's eyes with a slightly goofy smirk on his face. Landon didn't have time to wonder what it was about before Casey laughed, "And don't worry, you get to pick from the greatest hits collection of the Casey Hicks and the poorly executed self-exploration discography while we do."

Caught completely off-guard, Landon barked out a series of loud laughter, as he peeled off his hastily thrown-on pajama pants and boxers and enjoyed the view of Casey doing the same.

Never one to shy away from attention, especially a fully focused ogling from his favorite person, Casey took his time turning on and adjusting the shower to the right temperature, being sure to show off all his assets in the ways that he knew Landon loved, even when they weren't headed straight for adult shenanigans.

Once Landon had gotten his fill, it had taken nearly ten minutes and he hated wasting water, he ushered them both into the shower and didn't even get the chance to press Casey against the wall for a few more kisses before he was talking again.

"God. The stories I can tell you about some of the things I tried before I realized they actually had products for, well everything you can imagine, and some things you don't want to," Casey grinned happily, knowing that this would be easier for them both if the mood was light.

For a moment, Casey didn't say anything, but he noticed that Landon didn't seem too bothered by the slew of hot water streaming down his back and across his injury, which he was immensely grateful for, but he also knew it was time for the thing that they had both been procrastinating on, as if somehow hoping in a matter of twenty minutes it would magically heal itself.

Unfortunately, it hadn't, so Casey turned down the water temperature until the spray was just a mild warmth and focused on being meticulously gentle, running his hands carefully over Landon’s body, his touch reverent and reassuring.

Before he went any further, he asked Landon clearly and patiently, "Is this okay? Are you alright with me touching you there?" and he braced himself for his husband's withdrawal of consent and how completely understandable that would be, given the both literal and sensitive nature of things like this with him.

But within a few seconds, a resounding "Yeah. Go ahead. I trust you, Case." had Casey feeling butterflies all over again, just knowing that Landon trusted him not only implicitly with emotional stuff, but also explicitly with physical touch and even giving expressive consent for something Casey knew he was nervous about.

"Thank you, Lan. Don't worry, I'll be really careful." Casey reassured as he prepared to check the damage. Landon's only response was a breath of " I know, baby", that Casey barely caught before he was gently exposing the wound. Landon didn't flinch or whimper when Casey gently probed the area, it was moderately red and upon a light touch, just like before, a drop of blood trickled out from a small tear.

Now that he had gotten a clear look at it, Casey knew it was nothing to be concerned with. "It's gonna be fine, sweetheart." he murmured to Landon as he ever so gently cleaned the area with the tip of a super soft washcloth and the tiniest bit of antibacterial soap.

Landon winced a bit and sucked in a breath as the soap stung the tiny wound, but the pain went away as quickly as it came, and he breathed an immense sigh of relief as Casey moved back slightly and promised, " All done. It's all cleaned up and it's so small that it'll probably take three days or less to heal on its own."

"Thank you, Case." Landon smiled softly, pulling Casey tight against his broad chest and pressing more kisses than either of them could be bothered to count all across his soft skin before they finally got to the rest of their respective showers and stepped out onto the bathmat, only to have a brief shoving match over who got it all wet from not completely closing the shower curtain.

Casey won, even though they both knew he was far more likely to have left the curtain slightly ajar, but after everything else he had done today, and really forever, Landon decided that letting his golden retriever husband have an undeserved victory in a meaningless argument was a small consolation.

Even still, he had one more thing to ask of him before they got to important adult responsibilities (TM). So, as they pulled on their clothes, on separate sides of their bedroom, for productivity reasons, Landon couldn't stop himself from asking, in a tone that was way too snarky and teasing to be anything short of irritable to Casey, "How about one of those stories you promised, eh?"

"You're gonna wish you didn't ask, baby!" Casey guffawed as he pulled on his slippers and chucked Landon's at him, nailing him in the shoulder with one and then the forehead with the other.

"I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know about what can and cannot fit in that hole, but I'm starving, so you're going to have to pay me with breakfast."

"Deal." Landon snickered happily as he shoved on his own slippers and pulled Casey to his feet, out of their bedroom and down the stairs into the kitchen where they both got to work scrambling eggs and frying bacon and making toast and coffee.

All the while, Casey talked incessantly about his own, ridiculous and usually disastrous, late teenage and young adult attempts at self-discovery. Among them were more than a few tales of ill-advised use of air freshener tubes and some select vegetables getting temporarily lodged where they shouldn't be.

"My parents and god, Brooke, would try their best to pretend they didn't notice anything for the longest time, then once I finally came out at 20, I remember one of the first things they said to me, I think it was Brooke, was 'now that we're all stating the obvious, can you like get some toys so we can have cucumbers and Febreze in the house again or?’"

Landon couldn't help but burst into uncontrollable laughter as he imagined Casey's older sister, just obliterating him with that sharp wit that he had grown to love over the past several years.

Before long, they were both comfortably full, the kitchen was clean, and it was barely 10am and they had the entire day off, which was highly unusual but a much welcome change of pace.

They decided that a lazy day was in order and without any conscious effort became one tangled mess of limbs on their massive sofa, before they adjusted so Casey's head was resting on one of Landon's almost unbelievably muscular thighs.

Landon pressed a kiss to the tip of Casey's nose, the blonde's eyelids slowly slipped closed and he began rubbing small, gentle circles in the middle of his back.

It had been about ten minutes, and Landon thought maybe Casey had dozed off into a light sleep, that would explain the uncharacteristic silence, but when he glanced down to check, Casey's gorgeous blue-green eyes were open but unfocused.

Nevertheless, he still picked up on Landon's eyes on him, and hummed quietly in response, encouraging Landon to speak up. "Nothing, just wondering what you're thinking about." Landon murmured, moving his hand up to scratch gently at Casey's scalp and comb through his silky blonde hair.

"Just daydreaming about the rest of our lives together..." Casey admitted in a carefree mumble, as if it wasn't one of the sweetest and most adorable things a human being could ever say to another.

"We have lots of time, Case. Keep living that daydream." Landon breathed in complete adoration of the man he was lucky enough to call his husband. For now they had each other and a tiny, ragamuffin kitten who was equal parts adorable and obnoxious, but for what the future held? Well, Landon couldn't see any reason to argue with anything his better half could literally dream up.

Landon realized as he pressed a kiss to the top of Casey's head, that he didn't have to worry, not about the next game, or the next day, or his long-term work in progress that was his intimacy issues.’

Nothing.

Not one single thing.

Because as he closed his eyes, a wide, effervescent smile plastered to his face, Landon knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was okay. In fact, he was more than okay, he was unassailable. Simply because, no matter what life threw at them, and the world was a massive buffet full of emotionally volatile twelve year old's; He had Casey and he always would.