Chapter Text
Yoongi wakes up to screams and laughs coming from somewhere in their house.
He yawns and stretches his legs as the laughs kept getting louder, making him smile tiredly, he couldn't even feel upset about being woken up from his late afternoon nap.
After a few more minutes of lazily stretching, yoongi gets up and walks to his door, squinting his eyes from the sudden bright light of the hallway. He grumbles under his breath, still half asleep, and follows the sounds of his bandmates' voices. It leads him to the living room, where all six of them were playing some games on the huge screen that jungkook had begged for, precisely for this reason.
Yoongi's heart twist at the sight in front of him, a small lump forming at the back of his throat. It's weird, he never felt that way before, but recently it became frequent. They haven't seen him yet, haven't heard him, maybe they didn't even know he was home, after all, yoongi has been alone in his room since morning.
The three youngest are forming some kind of cuddles pile on the carpeted floor, giggling and laughing as they watch the screen. The other three are sitting on the sofa, almost on top of each other, even though the couch could definitely comfortably accommodate them all. Hoseok's screaming, frantically smashing the buttons on his controller, while seokjin yells back, shaking his controller in an attempt to prevent his character from losing. Namjoon's sitting between them, smiling, his arms comfortably resting on the backrest, behind his two screaming hyungs.
They all look happy, their laughters could be heard from anywhere in their otherwise silent home.
Yoongi watches them, awkwardly standing in the doorway, rubbing his naked feet together. He wants to join them, he really wants it, but there's a weird hollow feeling in his heart preventing him from stepping in the room and nuzzling his way into the cuddles pile.
So he leaves quietly, walking towards the kitchen instead, it's time for him to start cooking dinner anyway.
The seven of them have been living together for four months now, yoongi was the last to join them after his service. At first, he had felt welcomed, the others planned a huge party for his return, as well as constantly lovingly bothering him for the next few days.
But soon, their eagerness to show him how much they missed him faded, they went back to do their own things, sometimes by themselves, sometimes in small groups. Groups which for some reason, never included the second oldest. But yoongi, didn't thought much of it, or at least he tried.
He thought the seven of them would spend much more time together now that they were all living under the same roof. He imagined they would take advantage of the opportunity to get together as often as possible, but that didn't happen, or at least, he wasn't aware of it. He assumed they simply needed some time to themselves after being surrounded by strangers 24/7 for over a year.
And when they started to hang out in groups, without him, he just told himself it was because he was the last to come back. They must have formed a new bound while he wasn't there, he just had to give them time.
Yoongi stops chopping the carrots, blinks rapidly, and rearrange the grip he had on the vegetable. He almost cut his finger, he should be careful. If he had hurt himself, his seokjin hyung would have scolded him, and he doesn't want that.
A loud noise makes him jump in surprise, but he doesn't bother moving from the kitchen, from the sound of it, it came from some rough play fighting, most likely between their youngest and his oldest hyung.
Yoongi ignores it and stirs the stew slowly, the steam coming from the pot warms up his face.
He shivers.
He can hear their laughters from the kitchen, they're really loud when they're together.
He rubs his feet again, he should have wore socks. It's cold.
The stew is nearly done, yoongi leaves it to simmer and gets the table ready. He's been the one cooking the most recently, it's his way of showing he cares. He's not the best with words, but they've known each others for more than a decade, so he's sure the members know how much he loves them.
And yoongi knows they love him back.
He stares at his toes, they're getting redder, he really needs socks.
As he finishes placing the side dishes on the table, he hears the distinctive sounds of feet against the floor, and, sure enough, six heads appear in the doorway, smiling brightly.
"Yoongi hyung ! It smells so good !"
Jungkook nods his head in agreement, already sitting down next to jimin. The others join them, and shortly after, they're all sat around the table, eating and chatting happily, filling up their stomach with the food yoongi made.
The second oldest waits patiently for everyone to load their bowls, only serving himself once he was sure the others had enough food on their plate. But as he brings his chopsticks to his mouth, he notices something from the corners of his eyes. Jungkook is holding his already empty bowl, pouting, his gaze searching around the table for more meat and vegetables. Yoongi bites his lips, before putting his ustensiles down and grabbing their youngest's bowl, swapping it for his own full one.
Jungkook's eyes light up, and he gives the older a huge smile, his cute bunny teeth peeking out.
"Thank you hyungie !!! You're the best !!!"
Yoongi only grumbles back, blushing, and fills up his bowl with rice and what's left of the stew, scrapping the bottom of the pot to get as much as he could. It won't be really fulfilling, but it'll be enough. He's on a diet anyway. They all are, but the maknae always had a huge appetite, and he's way too cute to refuse him anything.
Seokjin sighs and leans back onto his chair while rubbing his stomach, pleasantly full.
"I didn't think I would eat that much... I already ate this afternoon, but look at me now, I'm so full I look like I'll explode !"
Yoongi chuckles at his hyung's words, biting into some vegetables he had managed to detach from the bottom of the pan.
"Hyung ! I told you you shouldn't eat a second serving of those noodles ! But you didn't listen !" Yoongi stops chewing. He looks up at hoseok, who's pointing at seokjin with his chopsticks, jokingly glaring at him with an exaggerated frown. "Aish, you never listen to me ! I told you the restaurant had huge portions."
Taehyung nods excitedly at his hyung's words, loudly agreeing before getting smacked on the back of his head by jimin, scolding him for talking with his mouth full.
Yoongi stares back at his bowl, the now plain rice didn't look appetizing anymore. He puts down his chopsticks to hold his stomach instead, suddenly feeling a little sick.
The room feels even colder, he's scared his feet are turning blue.
Jimin shivers slightly, letting out a cute little sound as he rubs his arms. Namjoon notices it immediately, he quickly takes off his jacket and gives it to the younger, asking him if he needed more layers to feel comfortable. Jimin shakes his head and thanks him by blowing him a kiss, which is ultimately not the best thing to do as it surprises the other man and almost makes him fall off his chair. Yoongi watches the whole interaction without saying anything, he's a little confused but doesn't want to think about it further, he's already quite tired.
He rubs his feet together aggressively, they're starting to hurt a little bit.
The room gets quieter as they finish eating, plates and bowls are piled up and conversations are interrupted by yawns, fatigue taking over. Yoongi's heart quicken, he doesn't want their time together to end, he doesn't want to be alone yet.
He clears up his throat and gets up, rolling up his sleeves.
"I'm going to wash the dishes, I'd need someone to stay and help-"
He doesn't have the time to finish his sentence as he's being interrupted by taehyung gripping his shoulders and spinning him around, pushing him towards the door.
"No ! You're going to bed ! - We - are going to wash the dishes."
Yoongi protests weakly, he really wants to stay, but they all push him away, telling him to go to bed, that he already has prepared dinner and there's nothing more for him to do. He knows their intentions are good, that they mean well, but it only makes things worse, his nausea intensifying with each rejections. He opens his mouth, a final protest on the tip of his tongue, but immediately closes it again when jimin - still bundled up in namjoon's jacket - shoves him out of the kitchen, insisting he should rest, that he looks exhausted and has already done enough.
Yoongi can only nod silently as the six men smile at him, wish him goodnight, and begin tidying up, leaving the second oldest to return to his room, alone.
He closes his door behind him, walks to his bed, sits on the edge and looks down.
There's blood on the floor, small red drops that start from the door and run down to his bed. Yoongi stares at his feet, they're red, nearly purple, and blood is dripping from at least two of his toes on his right foot, staining the carpet under him.
He hit his foot on the doorway while he was getting pushed around, and now he's bleeding.
He can hear his friends laughing together.
Yoongi can't stop staring at the blood painting his carpet.
Hoseok's loud laughter echoes in the house, he doesn't seem that tired anymore.
He's hurt, yoongi's hurt, and his hyung isn't here to scold him.
He chuckles dryly and lays down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He feels so dumb and, honestly, quite pathetic. He's a grown man, he shouldn't feel the need to be taken care of like a child.
Yoongi curls up in the middle of his cold bed, not even taking the time to get under the covers, and fall asleep to the sounds of laughters, shivering.
_
The days go by and nothing changes.
Yoongi is on the verge of falling back into his old habits, the ones he swore he'd never return to.
It's no coincidence that there's no alcohol in their home, nor that he doesn't go out late at night for drinks with his friends. He worked incredibly hard to get better, to stop drowning his anxiety in alcohol, but the craving has never completely disappeared. It's always there, in the back of his mind, and it grows stronger every day he wakes up alone in his bed.
Yoongi's getting restless, he doesn't want to go back to his old self, he doesn't want to see the deception and shame on his mother's face, and he doesn't want his bandmates to act awkwardly around him again to the point of avoiding him.
But he feels weird, as if he no longer belongs anywhere.
They've always been seven, there was never the slightest doubt that one of them should leave their sides. They all got along perfectly, and had for years. However, sometimes, yoongi feels as though he is no longer needed, as if the void he would leave if he were to abandon them would easily fill itself.
It scares him, and he needs reassurance, he just doesn't know how to get it.
Yoongi holds his pillow closer and knocks rapidly. As soon as he gets the permission to come in, he opens the door and quickly closes it behind him.
Seokjin is laying in the middle of his bed, playing on his phone, not even bothering to glance up to see who had entered his bedroom. The younger of the two quietly approaches the bed, and stands there, fidgeting with his pillow while waiting for his hyung to give him his attention.
He feels so stupid, acting like a little kid, but at this point, he's getting desperate.
Seokjin dramatically sighs and throws his phone on his side, turning his body towards yoongi with an exaggerated pout.
"Yoongichiiiiii ~ hyung can't beat this damn level of his favorite game !!!"
The oldest fake cries as he complains, letting out exaggerated whines to make his bandmate smile. Yoongi already feels better, the heavy weight around his heart disappearing as he sit down on the bed and put his pillow aside.
"You'll beat it one day, I have faith in you hyung."
Seokjin beams and sits up, turning around to face the younger.
"Now what do you need me for yoongichi ? Why aren't you sleeping ? It's late !"
Yoongi blushes and looks down at his legs, nervously rubbing them together. They've turned on the heaters around the house, jimin was getting cold, and they feared he'd get sick. But it's a little bit too hot for yoongi's taste now, so he's wearing shorts around the house, it's not the most comfortable but it's okay.
"I was thinking that we could, if it's okay with you, watch a movie together ?"
Seokjin looks surprised, but he quickly nods and gets on his feet, scrambling to get his computer from his desk. The younger slides under the covers while waiting for his hyung, happily nuzzling into the older's pillows, his own forgotten at the foot of the bed. He's comfortable and surrounded by jin's scent, he feels pleasantly warm for the first time in a while.
The older man comes back to join him in bed, excitedly telling him all about that movie he had been wanting to watch. Yoongi listen to him rambling, scouting over to give his hyung enough place to lay down next to him.
The bed is quite too small for two adults men, but it doesn't bother him, if he's being honest he's been craving for some sort of physical attention for a while.
He just was too scared to ask for any, like always.
"It's like when we were roommates." From where he's snuggled up, the younger one can see seokjin's ears getting slightly red as he continues with a softer tone. "I miss it sometimes."
Yoongi's eyes widen at the older's confession, but before he can say anything, the door slams open, surprising the two men.
Before they could even understand what was happening, the bed creaks loudly under the weight of two people throwing themselves on top of it. The room, silent until then, is now echoing with screams and laughter as the two intruders center their efforts on their target.
Jin holds his laptop in one hand, the other pushing taehyung away from the mattress, trying to keep him from smothering yoongi with his huge body. At the same time, he has one foot pressing against jungkook's chest, preventing the youngest from jumping right on top of him, as the little brat likes to do.
After a while of struggling and non stop giggling, taehyung finally realizes there's something - or someone - moving under him. He stops wrestling with the oldest to lift up the covers, revealing a grumpy looking yoongi curled up under the duvet.
The second youngest gasp, attracting the attention of the maknae, who drop his hyung's leg from his mouth to see what got his friend so surprised.
"Yoongi ?! What are you doing here ?!"
The man in question is still sulking angrily, glaring at the two young men, frustrated at having been suffocated under the duvet when all he wanted was to relax !
"We were trying to watch a movie !!!" Seokjin aggressively wipes jungkook's saliva from his leg as he answers taehyung, one hand still in the air, protecting his precious laptop. "But you two brats interrupted our precious old men bounding time !"
Taehyung and jungkook both gasp in surprise before excitedly asking if they could join them. They wants to watch a movie with their hyungs too ! How could they have forgotten to invite them ?
Jin glances down at yoongi and raises his eyebrows, silently asking if he minded the two younger ones joining them. Yoongi nods, making taehyung and jungkook shriek.
The second oldest pull the covers back over his head, even though he suddenly felt hot, just to hide his blush. The bed was already a little too small for the two of them, and now they'll be four....
They're going to have to get incredibly close, and knowing the two younger ones, they'll all cuddle together, snuggled up warm under the covers. He'll be held in strong arms, against larger bodies, surrounded by their warmth and scents.
Yoongi's face is burning and he has to squeeze his legs.
God he's so pathetic, just imagining some cuddles and he's already in that state. But he craves attention, he needs to be loved, he's getting desperate and-
"We'll have to move to the living room though !"
Yoongi sits up, staring at his hyung.
What ? Why ? They can stay here, in the bed, and cuddle, he wants to cuddle !
"Yeah you're right, there's no way we could all in fit in your bed."
But they could ! They just have to hold each other really close !
"Let's go to the living room then ! I'm going to get snacks too !"
No ! He doesn't want to leave the bed, he wants to stay !
He just wants to be held. Please.
But yoongi doesn't say anything, he's too ashamed, as usual. So he gets up and follows the three other silently, listening to them banter in front of him.
They settle comfortably on the couch while jungkook leaves to get some food to snack on, seokjin sitting between yoongi and taehyung. The eldest gets everything ready while waiting for the maknae, eager to show them the movie he chose.
Yoongi feels a little cold, which was strange since they turned the heating high for jimin.
Jungkook quickly returns with his arms full of junk and squeezes himself between his two oldest hyung, all cheerful and bubbly. Yoongi's mood brighten watching the youngest smile at the tv screen, maybe it wasn't so bad after all. At least he's with some of his beloved members, and at the end of the day, it's what matters the most to him
He puts his worries aside and focus his attention on the movie. Ultimately, he's here to have a good time, not to think about how pitiful he is.
They're in the middle of the movie when yoongi notices it.
At the beginning they sat next to each other but still kept some space between their bodies. But as he looks to the three men, it seemed like the concept of personal space didn't exist anymore. Taehyung was nearly sitting on seokjin's lap while jungkook had his head resting on the eldest shoulder, one hand holding his chips, the other jin's hand.
Yoongi's stomach churns at the sight. It's adorable, and he should feel nothing but love when looking at them, but he can't.
Yoongi shivers, feeling cold.
He takes a big breath, his hands trembling nervously, and bring his feet on the couch, folding his knees against his chest. His new position causes his shorts to ride up his upper thighs, revealing a good portion of his fair skin, but he didn't mind.
Gathering a final burst of courage, yoongi snuggles up to jungkook, curling his body against his side. He rests his head against the maknae's shoulder and stretches his legs out onto his laps, moving even closer to find a comfortable position. It was pointless, as soon as jungkook felt his hyung's body against his own, he froze, every muscle tensing.
Barely a minute had passed since yoongi had tried to join their group hug when the youngest suddenly stood up, making everyone jump.
They all stare at him standing there, avoiding everyone's eyes.
"I'm- I'm very tired. I'm going to bed. Goodnight hyungs !"
Jungkook practically runs to his room without looking back, unknowingly breaking one of his hyung's heart at the same time. They stare at the door as the silence returns in the room, before yoongi softly speaks, his voice strangely calm and steady.
"I'm tired too, I'm going to sleep. Goodnight taehyungie, goodnight hyung."
A couple of confused "goodnights" follow him as he walks back to his bedroom, gently opening and closing the door in case anyone was sleeping.
Reaching his bed, yoongi realizes he forgot his pillow in seokjin's room, leaving the top of his bed bare. He stares at his bed, his vision blurring with every blink. Tears stream down his cheeks as he curls up under the covers anyway, he's too ashamed to go out and retrieve his pillow, he'll sleep without it tonight.
Yoongi cries quietly as he play back the scene in his head. Jungkook had no problems cuddling with taehyung and jin, but he felt so uncomfortable with him snuggling close to him, that he preferred to leave entirely.
His jungkookie didn't want yoongi to hold him. His little one, whom he loved so much he couldn't scold him even when he was being a brat, didn't want him close anymore.
He let's out a silent sob, curling up on himself even further. Yoongi tightens the covers around him, he wishes it was warmer, or that he had someone to hold him, his legs felt cold.
_
The date for their return to their regular schedules is approaching rapidly. They will soon have to resume their lives as idols, and while they are overjoyed to be able to pursue their dreams, yoongi is growing increasingly nervous. They will be very busy, and even though they will be working together most of the time, it won't be the time nor place for him to try to get their attention.
All seven of them will have to stay professional, yoongi included. Which meant he had to keep trying until then.
Jungkook's rejection still hurt, but yoongi was doing his best to forget it. The maknae acted as if nothing had happened anyway, interacting with him like he always did since their reunion.
And now that he thought about it, jungkook hadn't been very affectionate with him since returning from his service, and it was the same with the other members. None of them had recently held his hand, played with his hair or even hugged him. They're all adults, but those types of affection were normal for them, or at least it used to be.
At first, yoongi had thought that maybe the army had changed them, but they didn't hesitate to do all of those things together, so it was definitely yoongi who was the problem.
What happened to them? Why doesn't anyone want get close to him anymore? He just wants to feel included, like before. He wants them to be as close as they used to be. He doesn't understand what's changed, and it terrifies him.
Maybe he really is the problem, maybe they've realized how much yoongi is struggling and they are ashamed of him. How dependent he is, how much he needs some type of attention or he'll drown. Maybe they've lost all the love they had for him the night when they realized how broken he was inside, when they found him passed out on the floor, surrounded by empty bottles, his face covered in his tears and snot.
And maybe it's already too late, and it's been for a while, he just had been too stupid to notice.
Yoongi's snacking on some leftovers in the kitchen when he spots namjoon walking down the hall. He quickly puts everything back in the fridge and walks rapidly to their front door, where the younger is putting on his coat, already wearing his shoes.
"Are you going out ?"
Namjoon turns around to see yoongi standing in the middle of the hallway, looking a little nervous.
"Uh yeah, I got some tickets for an exhibition. You know, the one I told you about at dinner last night."
The older nods, he remembers, the other looked so excited when telling them the new. Yoongi gets closer to him and takes one of his hand in his', ignoring the little gasp of surprise coming from the taller man. He began to play with namjoon's fingers, loving how the younger's bigger hand fitted so perfectly into his own.
After a few seconds of silence where the younger one did not dare to move and let his hyung play with his fingers as he pleased, yoongi suddenly raises his head. Namjoon is taken aback from the sudden eye contact and immediately feels his face turning red.
His small hyung is squeezing his hand, looking at him with big eyes, his pinks lips forming an adorable pout.
"Can I come with you ?"
Namjoon's jaw drops, he stares at his hyung, blinking rapidly for a moment, before stammering and doing everything he can to avoid looking at the smaller man.
"Huh- I mean, I- hyung-"
"Is everything alright ?"
Both men turn their head in the direction of the new voice to see hoseok standing behind them, looking perplexed. He's all dressed up, hair done, wearing a light blue shirt with his black pants, and has some of his pretty jewelries on his necks, ears and fingers.
Yoongi looks at him, then looks back at namjoon. His heart sinks. He turns his gaze back to hoseok and sees him staring at their intertwined hands, a strange expression plastered on his face.
The older doesn't have the time to think about it as the younger man aggressively tears his hand away from his grasp. Yoongi looks at him in surprise, his hands still raised in the air. Namjoon avoids his gaze, puts his hands in his coats pockets and clears up his throat.
"I'm sorry hyung but, hum, I only have two tickets. And I already asked hobi to come with me so....."
A heavy silence falls upon them. Hoseok is looking at yoongi, who's still staring at namjoon, mouth agape, while the younger of the three is glaring at his feet, face burning.
Yoongi slowly pulls his hands back to his sides and closes his mouth. He gives them a smile, trying his best to act nonchalant.
"No worries ! We'll go together another day. Have fun !" He gives the both of them a pat on their shoulders, still smiling. "I'll see you at dinner tonight. Right ?"
The two men nods, promising to be back early enough to eat with everyone. Yoongi nods back, waves, and then quickly returns to his room, ignoring the sound of the front door closing behind him.
He spends the rest of the afternoon alone in his bed, watching videos on his phone.
Taehyung came by to tell him he won't be there for dinner, followed soon after by jimin and seokjin, who were going to try a new restaurant they found. Yoongi simply nods at them before going back to his phone.
He wants to cry, but he has no reasons to.
The others have the right to have plans, they're not required to come back home to eat with yoongi. Their dinner together is only important to him anyway.
At least, jungkook will be present, as well as hoseok and namjoon, who promised to come back early.
He waits impatiently for the time to begin preparing dinner, heart beating impossibly fast, anticipating their shared moments with excitement.
As evening approaches, yoongi rushes to the kitchen to get everything ready. Since he has to cook smaller proportions, he planned on doing something a little more complicated than usual.
Yoongi spend the next two hours cooking some foreign dishes that he's sure will impress the members present. When the time comes to get the table ready, he's especially happy with his dishes. He can't wait for them to try his cooking, he's sure they'll love it. Yoongi hopes they'll give him compliments, and maybe even some praises, if he's lucky.
He smiles at the table, proud of himself, and quickly goes to the three members' bedroom to tell them to come and eat.
Jungkook puts his headphones down and immediately rushes to the kitchen while yoongi knocks on hoseok's door.
He waits for it to open or to hear his bandmate's voice coming from inside, but nothing happens. Yoongi knocks again, just to get the same results. He furrows his brows in confusion and heads to namjoon's door instead, maybe they were still together.
He knocks, once, twice, nothing happens. He opens the door and finds himself facing an empty room. Yoongi immediately returns to hoseok's room to open his door, still stupidly hoping to find them there. But it is just as empty, with no sign of recent presence.
Yoongi stands motionless in the doorway, staring into the room, before rushing to pull his phone from his pocket. He opens it, hoping to find a message from one of them saying they were just running late or that they'd be home soon.
But there was nothing. No message, no missed call.
He stares at the screen until it goes black, blinking back tears. Yoongi puts his phone back into his pants, closes the door behind him and walks silently in the direction of the kitchen, where jungkook was waiting.
The youngest sits up straight in his chair when he sees his hyung entering the room, just to freeze as he realizes he's alone, no one following behind him.
"Hyung ? Where are the others ?"
Yoongi smiles gently at him, serving him his plates.
"They're out jungkookie. Don't worry about them, just eat."
The dinner is silent.
Jungkook's eating rapidly, stuffing his face with as much food as he could. From his seat, yoongi could see the maknae's leg bouncing nervously.
He wants to throw up, and he hasn't even ate.
Jungkook's uncomfortable, obviously rushing to finish eating so he can leave as quickly as possible. The older pokes at his untouched food, he had no appetite, even though he felt weirdly empty.
Yoongi looks up when he hears the sound of a chair scrapping against the floor, jungkook stood up and is rubbing his arms with such obvious unease.
"I'm done. It was really good, thank you hyung."
As soon as he finishes speaking, the maknae practically runs out of the kitchen, yelling at rushed "goodnight" behind his back.
Yoongi stays in his seat, looking at his food, alone. He wants to wait for namjoon and hoseok to come home so he can eat with them.
The house is now completely silent as he waits, the only sounds coming from outside. They promised they'll come to eat dinner, they said they'll be back. So yoongi will wait for them.
His ass starts to hurt, as well as his back. But he doesn't move, he waits.
Yoongi shivers and rubs his arms, it's cold, he should have wore something warm. They had turned down the heat since jimin was out for long, but if anyone had asked him, he'd say he would have liked for it to be just a little warmer.
Behind him, the clock is ticking. One hour, two hours, even three....
Yoongi sneezes, he's not feeling well, he hopes he didn't get sick.
It's only after a dozen coughs that he gets up, wraps the cold food, and puts the three plates into the fridge.
As yoongi gets into his bed, he takes a look at his phone one last time. There's nothing from hoseok or namjoon, so he writes them a text asking if they're okay, if they're safe and have eaten well, before closing his eyes.
The clock ticks two am when yoongi falls asleep.
_
Jimin got sick, and so did yoongi.
But the younger's cold is much more important than his. He can still manage fairly well, as opposed to jimin, who's stuck in bed. As a result, everyone is taking extra care of him, making sure he's warm enough, that he took his medicine in time, keeping an eye on if he ate enough, drank enough.
Yoongi buries his face in his elbow to cough, before blowing his nose in a tissue and using another one to dry his face. He stirs slowly the broth he made for jimin, making sure it was warm enough, then pours it into a bowl to bring it to his room.
He silently coughs one last time, clears up his dry throat, and enters the bedroom. Seokjin and taehyung are sitting next to their sick friend, caressing his hair and wiping the sweat from his forehead. The eldest takes the broth from yoongi's hands, thanks him, and starts to feed it to jimin, blowing on it first to avoid burning his tongue.
The second oldest looks at them for a while, before being forced to retreat to his own bedroom, feeling a new coughing fit coming up.
Yoongi slips under his covers and pulls them closer around him, he felt quite weak and needed a nap. He hesitated to get some of the broth for himself too, but didn't want to take it from jimin. He'll drink some of it later if there's any left.
Right now, he needs to sleep.
Yoongi's disoriented when he wakes up.
It's already night, he can see the dark sky from his windows. He opens his phone to see he woke up from his "nap" at nearly one am.
He immediately starts to panic. He hasn't made dinner and hasn't taken care of jimin either. He's done nothing but sleep, neglecting everything else.
Yoongi's so ashamed of himself, he takes his head between his hands and lets out a shaky breath. He'd cry if his throat wasn't burning painfully.
He gets up on shaky legs and waits for his head to stops pounding. He's thirsty, hungry, and didn't take his meds, he's truly incompetent, what a shame. He's a grown man, he should be able to take care of himself just fine.
Yoongi heads silently to the kitchen, coughing as quietly as he could. There's no broth left, so he cuts himself an apple and munch on some carrots he found in the fridge, too weak to make himself anything else.
He puts his dirty dishes aside as he finishes his apple, he'll wash them tomorrow, and starts to walk towards his room.
But yoongi suddenly stops dead in his tracks in the middle of the dark hallway. He doesn't feel good, there's something wrong. He doesn't want to go back to his room, he doesn't want to be alone. Yoongi's heart is beating rapidly and he's having trouble breathing. Usually, he's able to drown those thoughts, but tonight, his sickness got him so weak that he can't help but let them out again.
He doesn't want to be all by himself again, he's tired of it. He can't keep doing this, it's dragging him back.
Yoongi turns around and heads towards jimin's room instead. He really needs to be with someone but he doesn't want to get anyone sick, and besides, jimin never reject a chance to cuddle.
He opens the younger's door gently and peeks his head in to make sure he was asleep. Jimin is bundled up in a bunch of blankets, looking adorably small in the middle. Yoongi's thoughts disappear at the adorable view, his heart slows down and fills with love.
The older closes the door and approaches the bed. He carefully lifts the blankets to make room for him to slips underneath, being as gentle as he could so as to not wake up the sleeping man.
Yoongi lays down quietly, snuggling as close to jimin as possible.
He sighs in contentment, feeling warm and safe. This is what he needed, what he's been craving for so long. A part of him wishes the other was awake to hug him but he ignores it, that was enough already.
Yoongi was drifting slowly into a comfortable sleep when movements pulled him awake. He suddenly feels arms going around his waist and hair tickling his chin as jimin nuzzles into his neck.
The older's eyes widen, his heart racing once again, but this time in a way that gave him butterflies. He smiles shyly and let's his body relax completely, falling back asleep, when he feels plump lips moving against his neck.
"Hoseokie you're back.... feel so warm."
Yoongi freezes, tears blurring his vision as his tired brain realizes the weight of those words. He waits until he's sure jimin is fast asleep, before pulling away from the younger's embrace. Once again, he quietly slips out and returns to his bedroom, biting his lips to keep himself from bursting into tears.
Hoseok cuddles with jimin even though he is sick. Hoseok cuddles with jimin but not with him.
Yoongi has to sleep alone, has to eat by himself, he has to get his own drinks for his sore throat and has to find his own medicine.
He falls onto his bed, sobbing uncontrollably, burying his head into his pillow to muffle his cries.
Why is he always being left out ? Why doesn't anyone care about him anymore ? Why are they suddenly so uncomfortable around him ?
Is it because he's ugly ? Annoying ? Because he's shy and sometimes can seem a little cold ? But they've known him for years, they should know that's just how he is. They should know he loves them anyway.
Have they finally had enough of him, growing tired of his nonsense after all these years ?
He's having trouble breathing, yoongi is choking on his sobs, he can feel himself beginning to drown.
Is it because he was a fucking alcoholic and they can't forgive him.
_