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Wei Wuxian has always wanted a family. Ever since he could remember his father placing him in front of his mother on the donkey they used to travel the world, he has thought he would replicate it when he was older. A little one against his lap and someone he loved by his side. Though they've never had clear faces, just always blurs and muffled voices.
In the prime of his youth, Wei Wuxian stands at the gates of Cloud Recesses and meets Lan Wangji, not understanding why his heart goes all a flutter. He thinks he wants Lan Wangji's attention on him because he is pretty and Wei Wuxian just wants to be his friend—but then he starts teasing him in the library: "Wangji-xiong, won't you look at me?", "Lan Zhan, play with me!"—and one day Lan Wangji looks up from his writing with something burning in his golden eyes that makes Wei Wuxian visibly full body shiver. Lan Wangji throws him down to the floor and Wei Wuxian realises he is in love.
For the couple of months that he studies there, the second they are alone, Lan Wangji's hands are at his waist. Wei Wuxian gets to learn a very different side of him, and soon the face of his partner in his dreams turns into Lan Wangji's.
With everything that happens afterwards, he's not really sure when he gets pregnant. He doesn't even know that he is until his robes start fitting all wrong and the Jiang's tailor looks at him in his under clothes and tells him to visit the healers. When Jiang-daifu tells him he's pregnant, her face is just as surprised as he feels. The tailors make him robes that hide his bump, even after it becomes obvious his body has decided not to let it show so much. It's something he's grateful for when the Wen Indoctrination occurs, because no one notices, and then they're all struggling too much to care.
He tells Wen Qing about it only a few moments before she's about to cut into him. All her care is almost all for nothing when Wen Chao and his cronies pick him up, chew him up, then spit him out to fall into the Burial Mounds.
It's there he gives birth, after he's fought tooth and nail against the spirits there—and some who lost their children in one way or another support him as he pushes and cries and doesn't know what to do.
When Wei Wuxian crawls his way out (supposedly) 3 months later, his baby is strapped firmly against his chest and sleeps soundly unless he's hungry and crying for milk. He'd learned how to breastfeed under the pressure of the screaming child, but his body is producing milk and his baby is fed and seemingly pleased, so it's good enough for him.
The baby doesn't have a name yet. Wei Wuxian doesn't think he'll live long enough to be able to tell anyone what it is.
He feels what's left-over and hidden of his heart break apart into tiny pieces when he comes face to face with Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji. He doesn't want to argue, he's exhausted, especially after dealing with Wen Chao while keeping his child hidden away with resentful energy.
"What is that?!"
Wei Wuxian hears Jiang Cheng exclaim when he waves it all away and glances down at his sleeping child, pushing his wispy hair away from his face. For just a moment he thinks if spinning a lie that it's a ghost child, but they had just seen another one assist in Wen Chao's murder, so it seems like a waste of breath. He looks back up at Jiang Cheng's face, seeing Lan Wangji loiter at the edge of his vision, and shrugs.
-
"Hello, sweetheart," Wei Wuxian coos, gently poking at the baby's cheek as he blinks his eyes open. They're all sitting around the low fire in the dark of night, the warm tone of the flames making his eyes glow like molten gold. Wei Wuxian feels human eyes over his shoulder and hitches the baby up in his hold, cradling his neck protectively. "Are you hungry?" he continues, shifting the opening of his robes around. The invisible pressure of the eyes vanish, turned away in embarrassment or prudence, as he feeds from his chest.
"What's its name?" Jiang Cheng barks from across the fire.
Wei Wuxian hums, the baby still suckling and it's distracting. "He doesn't have one yet," he says quietly. "Didn't want to name him something stupid."
Jiang Cheng splutters, "A child can't just go around not having a name! Who are his parents, anyway?"
"I birthed him with my own body," Wei Wuxian snaps, then coos again when his anger makes the baby begin to fuss. "His other father isn't in the picture." Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Lan Wangji stiffen.
Just as Wei Wuxian wakes with the sun rising, the baby starts screaming bloody murder (Wei Wuxian is already so, so familiar with the sound) and doesn't calm even after being changed and fed. Wei Wuxian wraps him up snuggly in his sling and covers him with a layer of illusion, the veil of resentful energy muffling the sound until he exhausts himself and falls asleep. With a sigh, Wei Wuxian looks at Lan Wangji on instinct—and falters when Lan Wangji is already looking at him.
"Hey," Wei Wuxian says, tilting his head in Jiang Cheng's direction as they walk towards camp. He can't risk anyone touching him again. "This stays between us, okay?" He waves his finger in the direction of his child hidden against his chest. Jiang Cheng's already stony expression hardens, even though he nods.
It can't stay a secret for long, though, as Wei Wuxian is immediately pulled into a meeting and pretty much interrogated about his whereabouts in the past 3 months. He answers the questions as vaguely as he can—yes, he was captured by Wen Chao for a time, no, he wasn't taken to Qishan, and no, he has very little intel besides the fact that Wen Chao and all his associates are dead because of him. Just as Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen look satisfied enough with his promises of a new weapon, though, the baby held against him starts to fuss. As he starts crying, Wei Wuxian reluctantly lifts the veil covering him.
Nie Mingjue's astonished face is so comical Wei Wuxian almost laughs despite how hollow he feels.
"What–" Nie Mingjue starts, cut off when Lan Xichen puts his hand to his mouth with a gasp.
"Wei-gongzi," Lan Xichen looks down at the child, who blinks open his eyes and stares back up at him. "This child, is it Wan–"
"The child is mine." Wei Wuxian adjusts himself and turns to leave. "I would appreciate your discretion on this matter."
If Wei Wuxian hurries out of there, that's for him alone to judge.
-
In one of the many healer's tents, Wei Wuxian eventually finds Jiang Yanli. He calls out to her from behind softly. When she turns around she almost tackles him in an embrace, but Wei Wuxian stops her at the last second, pulling the illusion away just so she can see the child's face and mouths to her, "Your nephew."
Jiang Yanli pulls him immediately towards the Jiang tents, pushing him inside one that is clearly hers. She makes him sit before anything else happens and Wei Wuxian feels his legs go out from under him at the concept of rest. Without taking her eyes off him and his still hidden child, she makes tea and sets it in front of him, then moves to pull the blanket off the bed, bundling it up next to Wei Wuxian on the floor cushion.
"Here," Jiang Yanli directs him, carefully guiding him when he wraps the child's weight from himself and lays him upon the bundle. He's still awake and looks up in her general direction, making her coo at him. "Hello little darling," she says, gently bopping his nose with the tip of her finger. "Aren't you so pretty!"
Wei Wuxian's fingers twitch as soon as he lets go, willing him to take hold again. He watches Jiang Yanli take in the baby's features and glance over at him multiple times, then the corner of her mouth tilts up slightly. He sighs and pushes his bangs away from his face, leaning forward into Jiang Yanli's arms as she opens them to finally embrace.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Wei Wuxian says into her shoulder. "I didn't tell anyone."
Jiang Yanli hums in acknowledgment, patting him like she has always done. It's comforting, Wei Wuxian relaxing into it all until she opens her mouth and says, "Even the father?"
"Especially not the father."
"But… he knows now? I mean, it's fairly obv–"
"No," Wei Wuxian says, pulling away. He looks down at the baby and shakes his head. "I can't, Shijie."
"My nephew deserves a father."
"Your nephew deserves a name first."
"A-Xian!" It's not just the tone of her voice, but the absolute terror and shock that graces Jiang Yanli's expression that tells Wei Wuxian how flabbergasted she is towards him. He looks down and holds his finger out for the baby to play with, letting him poke and tug at it.
Under the clear daylight and clean air, there's nothing to hide the colour of the baby's eyes and the gentle, familiar slope of his nose. Every day he looks more and more like a carbon copy of his other father, barely having any of Wei Wuxian's features. There's no denying who he belongs to, really, not any more.
"...Yuan," Wei Wuxian murmurs, definitely not looking up at his shijie now. "What do you think about the name Yuan for him?"
-
No one in this camp can keep a damn secret! In between battles, Wei Wuxian is dragged from his hunching over his work of almost successfully finishing making the Yin Tiger Seal, dark circles under his eyes, into another meeting. Literally dragged, since what he has to do is important and he's already been to at least four other meetings recently where he just stood around and looked pretty. A-Yuan is still slung around his front and as he grows bigger and bigger on the daily, it's taking more of Wei Wuxian's concentration to hide him and keep his own shoulders from dislocation under the new weight—no matter how cute he looks, all chubby and infant soft.
The meeting starts off seemingly normal enough, with Wei Wuxian already working out how he can make an escape, when everything goes quiet. Wei Wuxian's hand goes up to caress A-Yuan's head out of habit, it only looking like he's rubbing at his chest, and his eyes wander over to meet Lan Wangji's burning gaze. He flinches at the sheer intensity and the sudden movement startles A-Yuan, making him cry.
"Haahh... shh, sweetheart," Wei Wuxian murmurs, trying to hush the crying child before everyone starts kicking up a fuss, but it's too late. A-Yuan has been very rudely awoken from his peaceful sleep and he needs everyone and anyone to know what an outrage that is!
"What in the heavens?!?!" someone exclaims as heads whip around to look for a child. Wei Wuxian sighs and sends the veil away with a wave of his hand, unable to look anyone in the eye as A-Yuan is revealed and everyone starts talking at once. A-Yuan cries louder at the noise.
Lan Wangji is the only one who stands quiet and still, even when A-Yuan eventually starts to calm and blinks open his huge eyes. Almost every gaze in the room turns to him, then back to the child, then back to him.
"Alright, get on with it," Wei Wuxian states.
The smaller sect leaders start talking over each other again, making Wei Wuxian move to cover A-Yuan's sensitive ears.
"–and this child... is yours, Wei-gongzi? I certainly never heard of any news from the Jiang, bless their souls." Wei Wuxian nods once, firmly, glancing at the doors. He freezes, half turned to leave, even though the next question is, as expected, "Then who is the other father? Surely you couldn't produce a child on your own, especially out of wedlock."
Wei Wuxian looks back over his shoulder, his hair flowing down almost completely freely. He's sure he makes quite a sight now, his flowy black robes, long dark hair and pale skin...and the baby strapped against his chest. He huffs out what someone could probably consider a laugh and shakes his head, finally stepping forward to the door and wrenching it open.
"I have more important things to do. Sect Leader Nie, please allow me to be excused until I am done with them."
Nie Mingjue makes a sound of approval and Wei Wuxian is off, moving fast enough he could be running if he still had the physical capacity to run. As he rounds the corner and hides in the alcove, he holds A-Yuan impossibly close and pants, his breath coming in short sharp gasps. He only stays there long enough for his heart to stop racing, then makes his way back to the Jiang quarters.
"Wei Ying."
Wei Wuxian turns to face Lan Wangji on habit alone, turning his gaze up to his brilliant eyes.
"...Lan Zhan."
Pushing aside the flap on the tent he's been residing in, Wei Wuxian lets Lan Wangji enter first. He puts A-Yuan down into his makeshift cot, wiggling his fingers at him when he starts to move and giggle. When he stands to full height, he sighs and stretches his stiff back and shoulders out.
"The child is mine, isn't he?" Lan Wangji asks, with such absolute certainty that it doesn't even sound like a question.
Wei Wuxian's eyes dart back and forth, trying to figure out something he could answer with, but his brain has suddenly become flat out empty. So he stays silent and watches in concern as the corner of Lan Wangji's lips turn down minutely.
"There is someone else, then."
Wei Wuxian is going to pull out his hair. "No!" he exclaims without meaning to. This is all just happening very fast. If he loses control of his emotions, that wouldn't be good. "Lan Wangji, Lan Zhan, I… I don't know what to tell you."
Lan Wangji hums and averts his gaze, the harsh line of his mouth softening when he says, "Do not tease, Wei Ying. Even I have noticed how similar he is to myself."
For nothing better to do, Wei Wuxian collapses to the ground next to the cot. He looks at A-Yuan's eyes, the same ones at Lan Wangji across from him, and strokes the back of his finger down his smooth and plump cheek. "That's why I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want to burden you with my problems on top of everything else."
"Wei Ying is not a burden. Never."
Wei Wuxian barks a laugh, holding himself back as he hears just how loud he is. "Don't tease, Lan Zhan."
He doesn't think anyone is teasing anymore when white silk of Lan Wangji's forehead ribbon unravels into a pile dropped down in front of him, then the dark curtain of Lan Wangji's hair blocks his vision as Lan Wangji takes him in an embrace he can't avoid or shy away from. Lan Wangji cups his face with one hand and rubs his thumb softly against his cheek, not unlike what Wei Wuxian had just done to their child.
This time when Lan Wangji asks him to come back to Gusu with him, instead of shoving him off and denying him, he looks over at A-Yuan who has rolled onto his stomach and is laughing as he holds the scrap cloth doll Jiang Yanli made for him and says that he will, but only after they win the war. There is still plenty of uproar about the child, his legitimacy and parentage—especially when Wei Wuxian answers all the questions with silence or riddles… but maybe, if he survives all this, he can finally have that family.