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Shane Hollander had spent his whole life masking.
He had learned to.
When he was younger, people rarely saw or understood him fully and if they did, they seemed put off by the truth of him.
So he learned to hide it.
Enter Ilya Rozanov.
At their first encounter, Shane let his real self shine through. He hadn’t meant to. But Ilya had instantly made him feel safe.
So he had stopped their kissing to fold his clothes.
He saw Ilya smiling out of the corner of his eye. He prepared himself for the disgust, the backing off, for Ilya leaving. Shane was just weird.
He turned to face him. He didn’t see meanness in the Russian’s eyes. He wasn’t freaked out by Shane’s actions. He was amused. Charmed almost.
Their second encounter surprised him even more. Their first time together Shane had left his socks on. He hated when his feet were cold. It took him out of the moment.
So the second time, when Ilya started taking his clothes off, he debated with himself whether or not to ask him to leave the socks on.
Before he could say anything, Ilya was kissing him again.
His socks were still on. Ilya had left them on.
He must have known. Shane had removed his clothes so meticulously the first time that Ilya knew leaving the socks on had been a deliberate act.
And he was ok with it. It hadn’t affected his enthusiasm at all.
And then there was food.
Shane had always been fussy. Concerned about what he was putting into his body.
He was used to the chorus of, ‘just try it’, ‘you might like it’, ‘order something else Shane’, ‘ginger ale is for kids’.
But his first day In Ilya’s house, he was handed a ginger ale. No fuss. A quick check to see if it was cold enough. No judgement.
And the tuna melts! Yes, ok, tuna wasn’t strictly part of macrobiotic diet, but Ilya had clearly researched it and saw fish as one of the food components. The effort had touched Shane.
To this day, Ilya keeps their fridge stocked with everything Shane likes.
If they are out for the evening and Shane is nervous about how people will react to his order, Ilya always orders the same thing. Nobody would dare take him to task over it which means they also leave Shane alone. Shane has watched Ilya eat things he doesn’t particularly like with a smile on his face and a touch to Shane’s knee.
When it comes to their house, Shane is tidy. Ilya’s isn’t. But Ilya has learned the way Shane likes things done. Shane knows that when he isn’t at home, Ilya lets things go a bit (he’s seen the background in FaceTime calls) but by the time he walks through the door, all is pristine again.
Shane sometimes doesn't get sarcasm, jokes or flirting, especially over text. People have got impatient with him over this in the past. Never Ilya. He smiles and accepts Shane's answer, gently explaining the subtext when needed.
Shane feels so seen and cared for by Ilya. He hopes that the man he loves with his entire heart and soul feels the same about the way Shane treats him.