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It is the third time this week he sits on the rooftop of LexCorp. It is late at night, the stars twinkling overhead, only the occasional car honk below breaking the fragile silence. Metropolis has been quiet these past couple months, ever since…
Ever since Lex found out.
Clark sighs and rests his elbow on his thighs. “Lex, where are you…?”
Patrols have been slow, with no reason for Superman to patrol as much as he used to. He is still there for the citizens, still saves kittens from trees and blows out fires, but nothing extreme. Not that he was ungrateful. In fact, he has always dreamt of a day where Metropolis would no longer need to rely so heavily on him. It allows him to focus his efforts on international and extraterrestrial affairs and tragedies.
But, in the three years Clark has been Superman, this is the first time he’s even been given something close to a break. He doesn't know how to handle it.
He doesn't know how to cope with the idea that all it took was Lex finding out who he was.
Clark flops onto his back, staring up at the night sky, searching for answers.
They greet him with silence.
“Lex.” He tries again, only for his memory to slip in instead.
“If you ever find yourself lost, look towards the North Star. It will always guide you in the right direction.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“You’ll just have to trust me, Clark.”
Clark rubbed his eyes.
Deep down, he had always wanted to tell Lex who he was once he recognized those green eyes. Just not like this. Not with Lex running off, not being seen by anyone—even Mercy.
“Of course I trust you, Xander. I’d trust you with anything.”
“Big words for someone you just met.”
“What can I say? It feels like I’ve known you forever.”
The summer after his senior year. Before he went off to MetU. Before he met Lois and Jimmy. Before the Daily Planet. Before Superman.
He didn’t realize it then, not until years later, how impactful those two months would be. He still dreams of them sometimes.
“Stop being so cheesy, Clark.”
“Aw, are you blushing?”
“Stop laughing—hey, let me go!”
“Xander, look at me. I just want to see you.”
He had been a lot more bold back then. Drunk off the high of falling in love, of getting the sweet dream he wanted. Sometimes Clark wishes he could go back to that summer, back when they were young and the world was free for them to explore.
Lex, with his long red hair and gummy smile. Clark with his unruly curls and first pair of awkward fake glasses.
Clark had just started wearing them a couple months before Lex. Wanting to separate his identity with the ‘mysterious blur’ who zipped across Kansas helping people. He may have not known his future, but he knew he wanted to help.
It was easy then. Helping people find their missing cows during the day. Catching telephone poles before they hit the ground. Fishing sunken cars from lakes.
Spending his nights in the arms of a boy too brilliant for his own good.
“Fine, just lighten up off me. You’re heavy, Clark.”
“Nuh-uh. Not until I get what I want.”
“Ugh. Are you happy now?”
“Almost.”
“What’s that supposed to mea—mph—”
Lex had only been a year older. Spending his summer at the local LuthorCorp plant in Smallville as punishment for pissing his dad off.
Huh. LuthorCorp.
Clark hadn’t thought of that name in years, not since Lex renamed the company at twenty one. Just shows how much time can change things.
Lex had always been a go-getter, but shy with what his heart wanted. Clark’s mouth still tingles when he thinks of that night. He runs his fingertips across his bottom lip.
“Mmm.”
“Come closer, hmm.”
His first kiss. Under the moonlight in the field behind his house. The way Lex’s cheeks flushed rosy red, all the way to his ears. The moon shining off his auburn hair as he lay in the grass with Clark hovering over him, arms braced on either side of his head.
It is a dream Clark clings to on lonely nights.
Whenever Lex curses him out, all he sees are those chapped cherry-pink lips smiling at him.
Whenever Lex snarls his name—yells ‘alien’ at him—he just hears Lex moan it softly against his ear.
Whenever Lex weaponizes the kryptonite in his ring, he feels gentle hands running down his back instead.
Whenever Lex glares at him with hatred, he sees the moonlight dancing in softened green eyes.
“Clark…”
“I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks. Sorry.”
“Don’t say sorry. Just do it again.”
It was hard, after all these years, to see the coldness in Lex’s eyes. So different from the boy he fell for that one warm summer.
Lex hadn’t recognized him. At least, Clark had thought so. He assumed Lex had forgotten completely. Chalked it up to some drunken blur.
“Promise, when you leave, you won’t forget me.”
“How could I ever forget you, Clark?”
It hurt to see no recognition in those green eyes.
But Clark had accepted it.
It had been for the best that Lex didn't remember. Didn't know who he was hurting.
Two months ago, when Lex finally had him down on his knees—when he was seconds away from discovering the truth—Clark hadn’t stopped him.
He had been tired. Tired of pretending. Tired of hiding.
Which made it hurt all the more when Lex dug the Daily Planet ID out of his belt, locked eyes with him, and murmured his name.
Not an ounce of shock crossed his face.
Only resigned acceptance.
“You taste so sweet, Clark.”
“You just like the taste of my mom’s hot chocolate.”
“I like the taste of it on your tongue.”
Because what it meant was this: Lex hadn’t forgotten. He had remembered the whole time. And he had chosen to hurt him anyway.
“I really like you, Xander.”
“I… I like you too, Clark. Mph—”
Clark wants to understand.
He needs to understand.
It's been over a decade since that summer, and yet it's all he can think about. All he longs for.
How can someone who held him so tightly hurt him so easily?
“When can I see you again?”
“Just call my name, and I’ll come to you.”
Clark just wants him to come home.
He wants to talk. To explain.
Until then—until Lex comes home—he keeps visiting LexCorp at night.
Always looking at the North Star.
Calling his name out to the winds.
Waiting.