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Steve takes one last deep breath before starting to speak. He, of all people, never bothered to reflect on what he should say, what words to use. His whole life he just said what came to mind, and that was one of the reasons he'd been a jerk a few, maybe many, many times. Simply put, Steve didn't think about those things. He never needed to.
And now… Well, he doesn't have to overthink it either.
It's just... kind of strange, like the words suddenly vanish from his head. It takes a few more minutes before Steve finally begins.
“Robin and I are working at the Hawkins radio station now, Quick Hands is gone, so the place is kind of ours now. It’s become our base. I think you’d like it, it has a lot of Black Sabbath vinyl, and other metal bands you like so much. Robin plays that Metallica song you played on guitar that night at least once a week and…”
Steve takes a deep breath. Thinking that being here, saying these things to him, is nonsense. But fuck it.
“Things in Hawkins are still chaotic, the military is everywhere, it’s impossible to live normally in this cursed town. Dustin and the other kids are trying to move on, and… We still need to take down Vecna. That’s right. Still. We know he’s alive, somewhere in the Upside Down, and we’re going to find him any minute now, and this time, we’re going to make him pay, I promise, Eddie.”
Once again, Steve pauses, looking around. By some miracle, this part of town isn't a mess, in fact, it's quiet, almost silent. Perhaps too quiet, if Steve thinks about it too much.
“You know… The good thing about us taking care of the radio station is that if Vecna catches one of us, we’re already prepared. We have a small list of everyone’s favorite songs, and the records are ready in a special drawer in the studio. Besides, we also carry around, I mean, I carry around, cassette tapes of those same songs in my car, just in case… You know. We have to be prepared.”
It sucks that they have to live like this, but there's not much they can do until they're done with Vecna.
"I wonder what your favorite song is. Dustin thinks it would be 'Master of Puppets' or 'Secret Loser' by Ozzy Osbourne, but I think it would be something more... I don't know. 'Holy Diver' by Dio. Maybe? I don't know... It would be good if you told me what it is."
"Something by Judas Priest?" Steve pauses for a brief moment to think about it again. There are so many songs Eddie likes. So many options. But they know it has to be a special song, one that will bring you back to consciousness, one that makes you want to fight to live. Thinking about it, Steve doesn't know what his song would be. He hardly listens to music; the ones he does listen to are the ones the kids and Robin want to hear.
Steve reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cassette tape.
“This… This tape is Dustin’s song. Things really aren’t going very well around here. Remember how Vecna takes people who are going through a tough time? Well, Dustin… He… He’s not doing very well, so I carry this tape around all the time… And the worst part is that he’s always mad at me, like it’s my fault that you…”
Steve raises his head and stares at the tombstone.
What a load of crap, Eddie.
“This is ridiculous, I don’t know why I agreed when Robin said it would be good to come here and talk, you’re not going to answer me, you never will. Why did you have to be such an idiot? I told you… I told you not to play the hero and look what happened? Dustin can’t move on and those idiots keep picking on him because he defends you, every day, what the hell, Eddie! I try to talk to him, but that kid doesn’t listen to me anymore. It’s Eddie this, Eddie that. Fuck you, Eddie. I just… I wish you hadn’t been such a jerk. I understand why you did it, but damn… You didn’t need to. I just wish you were here.”
Because I miss you.
With a loud sigh, the tears Steve had held back all this time finally escaped and slid down his handsome face. Tears heavy with anger, pain, and grief. He might not even have been that close to Eddie. Their paths only crossed because of Dustin. They had few moments together; their conversations were limited to how they would help Eddie and how to kill a being with powers who wanted to destroy everyone. Even so, it was enough for Steve and Eddie to forge a relationship. A strange friendship, which worked quite well.
Too good. Because at some point Steve started to care about Eddie. To worry about him, and to feel other strange things he'd never felt for another boy before. But those things… died that same night. Or at least that's what Steve has been trying to convince himself of for the last eighteen months.
It's not real.
Feeling these things for another man isn't normal. It never will be.
Robin has been trying to convince him that is. Steve partly understands what she means. Loving other people is normal, Robin liking girls is normal, Will liking boys is normal. But Steve likes both. That's a little… too strange for him. Even though it's something normal. Maybe he just finds it strange because he's never allowed himself to feel these things before. He shouldn't feel these things at all. His parents would kill him if they found out. Always so demanding. Steve was supposed to be the perfect son, with a perfect girlfriend, a perfect life, but things weren't like that, things are never the way they want them to be in Hawkins.
But what difference does that make now anyway? Eddie Munson is dead.
The gravestone in front of Steve is one piece of evidence of this.
He's not coming back, and Steve will never know his favorite song.
🪦
END.