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Heavy cream, parmesan, full fat butter. Ilya smiled to himself as he reviewed his grocery list to ensure he had everything that wasn't already in the fridge or pantry. Yuna had sent him a recipe for a creamy garlic pasta a while ago, and tonight he was going to make it for himself. Shane and his parents were away for the weekend at the funeral of David's sister's cousin. Not a close enough family relation for Ilya to go, they had decided together. This way Ilya could finally make a pasta dish Shane would never eat, and more importantly, Anya didn't need to spend the weekend at the pet hotel. Anya, their beloved girl. Ilya decided she deserved something nice too, and grabbed a filet steak. He couldn't wait to get home to her.
As he opened the front door, the heartwarming sound of Anya's nails clicking on the tile never came. She didn't bark, either. Ilya froze. "Anya?" he called, "come here sweet girl, come see what your papa got for you!" Nothing. Panic clawed at his throat and his voice raised several octaves as he called for her again. Silence, save for the rhythmic thud of the washing machine. He dropped the grocery bags and ran.
Ilya took the stairs two at a time. Anya wasn't in their bedroom, where she often liked to snuggle up on Shane's pillow. Not the office either. Racing back downstairs, he finally found her in the living room. She looked up at him from her spot on the rug. She seemed fully aware that he was there, but her tail did not wag and she did not move. She just blinked. He dropped to his knees beside her. "Anya, my love, what happened? What is wrong? Come here, baby. Come here." His voice broke. Anya tried to get up, but it was like her legs were disconnected from her body, a marionette being controlled by someone else. They jerked awkwardly. She lay back down. Ilya could feel his entire body start to tremble, but he could not fall apart. Not now. Anya needed him. He texted the family group chat in a panic, keeping one hand on Anya the whole time.
Not two minutes later, Yuna called. Ilya could not say anything. He felt frozen. He choked back a sob, and he knew Yuna heard it. Her voice was both motherly and businesslike, gentle yet firm. "Ilya, honey. Breathe. I have called the emergency vet, they are expecting you. I have also called the Pikes. You are in no state to drive. Hayden is 2 minutes away, okay?"
Ilya nodded wordlessly before remembering she couldn't see him. "Okay," he whispered. And then, because he was terrified and couldn't help himself, he added "Mom, what do I do? What if we lose her? Shane isn't here and I -" he felt his eyes burning, the panic he was trying so hard to push down rapidly rising to the surface.
"Ilya. Sweetheart, listen to me. You are going to get Anya the help she needs, okay? You are doing everything right. If, and this is worst case scenario only - if you lose her, it will not be your fault. Shane not being there is not your fault. He will not blame you. I will have him call you as soon as he's back, okay? He doesn't have his phone, so hasn't seen the messages. He's out on a run with his cousins. I've sent David to see if he can track them down."
The front door flew open then. Hayden. "Roz? I'm here. Jackie's here. We're going to get Anya to the vet, alright? Come on, bud."
Strange, Ilya thought, Hayden sounds like he's under water. He felt hands on him then. Hayden's big clumsy ones, followed by Jackie's smaller, steadier ones. Jackie had Anya's blanket folded over her arm. Where had she gotten that from? Ilya stared at it.
Jackie knelt down and scooped Anya into the blanket. Anya, oblivious to the turmoil around her, happily licked Jackie's face.
Hayden hauled Ilya up off the floor and followed Jackie out of the room, guiding Ilya with him to the front door.
Ilya stood helplessly. He stared at his shoes and thought vaguely about how he was supposed to put them on. He slumped against the wall instead.
"Woah, easy. You're okay. It's okay." He felt hands again, lowering him gently to sit on the entryway bench. Hayden. Hayden was putting his shoes on for him. Ilya blinked. Hayden met his eye. "We're going to help her, buddy. We're going to help her, okay? Come on." Hayden helped him up and out of the house, leading him carefully to the car. Jackie was already there with Anya in her arms.
Hayden slid Ilya into the back seat, doing his seatbelt up as if he were one of the Pike children. When he stepped away, Jackie swooped in and placed Anya on his lap with care. The weight of her there grounded him a little. She rested her head on his arm. Jackie cupped his face in her hand for a second, meeting his eye before leaning over to kiss his temple. Ilya let some tears fall then. Silently, of course. His body was so shocked he didn't think he could make a sound even if he wanted to.
The drive to the vet was quick and quiet. A tech was waiting in the parking lot when they pulled in. She opened the back door and carefully took Anya from Ilya's arms. Or tried to. His grip on her tightened. The tech smiled at him, but it didn't meet her eyes.
"Hi, I'm Emily. I'm just going to take Anya and get her settled in, okay?" Her voice was low and soothing. Emily gently pried Ilya's hands off of Anya's blanket. Ilya heard a strange sound from somewhere as Anya's weight was lifted from his lap, a low moan. It sounded heartbroken and terrible. Later, he would learn that sound had been him.
Jackie's face came into focus in front of him. She was leaning back from the passenger seat. She took his hands in hers. "They've got her, babe. I just texted Yuna. Shane is going to call in a minute. We'll put him on speaker in the car in case you need help explaining, okay? We've got you."
A phone rang. It sounded tinny and far away. Then Shane's beautiful voice filled the car. Ilya gasped, a strangled sob escaping his lips. He wanted Shane. He needed Shane. He couldn't speak.
"Ilya? Baby. I am here. Hayd filled me in. Whatever happens, you're making the right decisions. You did so good getting her to the vet, baby. You did exactly right. She has the very best dad." Shane's voice was gentle and even, the same tone he used when Ilya was having a 'bad brain day' as he liked to call them. He wondered how Shane was managing to stay so calm.
Ilya fell forward, his forehead resting on his knees. He was too tired to hold himself up anymore, and too scared. He could feel himself shutting down but was powerless to stop it. He wailed, the sound broken and devestating. He didn't register it, but Hayden's brow furrowed and his chin trembled before he collected himself and took Shane off speakerphone. They spoke quietly.
Jackie had not moved. She was still holding Ilya's right hand, and her free hand had come up to run through his hair. She murmered soothingly to him, but he couldn't make out any words.
And then the vet was ready for them. Emily appeared to usher them toward the lobby, face unreadable. Hayden helped Ilya out of the car, supporting most of his weight. Jackie took the hand that was not around Hayden's waist in hers the minute she was out of the car. Ilya stared up at the darkening sky, noticing the outline of the trees against the skyline. He never wanted to see tree outlines again, he thought. Not after this.
Inside the clinic, a receptionst gave Ilya a small smile before turning away. She confirmed details of something with Jackie. Ilya paid attention to none of it. He stared at his feet. Hayden had double knotted his laces, he noticed absently. A side effect of being a dad to young kids.
The vet appeared in a flourish of white lab coat and squeaking door hinges. "Mr. Rozanov," he said conversationally, "your Anya is quite the special pup."
Ilya met his gaze and struggled to find his voice. Thank you, he wanted to say. Is she okay? he wanted to ask. Instead, a garbled mess of words meant to be "is she going to be okay?" came out sounding more like "isssssshe gonbee oh," made worse by his thick accent. He prayed the vet understood as he didn't have the energy to try again.
"Anya is experiencing neurological symptoms. We don't know what is causing them, but..."
Ilya tuned him out then, and the only thing keeping him from crashing to the floor as his legs gave out was Hayden diving to catch him.
"We have seen this a few times before. I have consulted with another vet on....
We did bloodwork..... We expect everything to come back...vitals are good, we are going to give her fluids...comfy at home...back in the morning to re-evaluate..."
"Ilya. Ilya!" Hayden's voice registered in his ear, low and steady. "We are bringing her home. Going to get her cozy and bring her back here for another checkup after some sleep, okay? She needs you now. Come on, she's waiting for her dad."
She needs you now, she's waiting for her dad.
That snapped him out of his spiral a little. Enough that Hayden could lead him back to the car. He wanted to carry Anya himself but didn't trust his legs. The vet thought the same, evidently, as Anya was handed carefully to Jackie without a second thought. Thankfully Jackie settled her on his lap as soon as he was in the car.
Hayden turned to look at Ilya the minute they were parked in the driveway. "I'll be right back. Jackie is going to stay here with you." Ilya nodded. Or he thought he did. His mouth was dry. He pet Anya absently, the warmth of her body doing little to soothe him. He was crashing, he knew. He could tell by the way his body buzzed, like it was a live wire preparing to snap.
Hayden was only gone for a few minutes. Maybe a few hours. Ilya had no concept of time. When he came back, he opened Ilya's car door. He ducked inside. Ilya unconsciously panicked at the thought of letting go of Anya. "No, no, no. Don't take her, please. Please don't take her away from me, Pike." He was sobbing now, gasping for air as he clung to one of the things he loved most in the world.
Hayden flinched. "I'm not going to take her, Roz. She's all yours. I'm just going to unclip your seatbelt for you. Come on, that's it." He eased Ilya and Anya out of the car, keeping one hand on them the whole time. He shut the door with the other.
Once inside, Ilya noticed that Hayden had cleaned up the grocieries from the entranceway. He had also prepared a nest on the living room floor. It was what he had been doing when he left the car. A mattress lay next to the loveseat, Anya's dog bed pressed to the side of it. The pullout couch had been turned into a bed. Hayden and Jackie were staying with him, then. Water bottles, gatorade, and snacks sat on the end table closest to the couch. Anya's favourite treats were there too.
Ilya let Hayden take Anya from his arms, watching as he carefully set her on her dog bed. "You want to lay with her now, or get changed first? Hayden asked. "I can watch her."
Jackie stepped in, making the decision for him. "You should have a shower, babe. Anya will appreciate her dad smelling fresh and clean while she has to smell like hospital." She wrinkled her nose as she led Ilya out of the room.
One shower, change into a pair of Shane's sweats, and emotional phone call to update Shane and his parents later, Ilya was tucked in next to Anya. Jackie sat next to him, stroking his hair with his head in her lap. Anya, to her credit, remained bright eyed. She was thrilled to have people staying over. Her tail wagged feebly, but she enthusiastically licked every part of Ilya she could reach. He could feel his eyelids getting heavy. He didn't want to fall asleep because he didn't want to take his eyes off of Anya. His body had other ideas, though. With the knowledge that he and Anya were safe and taken care of, he drifted off.
In the morning, Ilya woke to an empty living room. No Hayden, no Jackie, no Anya. Anya. Ilya scrambled to his feet. "Anya?" He called, voice hoarse with sleep.
Jackie popped in with a mug of coffee in her hands. She handed it to Ilya. "Hi, babe. Sorry for not waking you. We thought you could use the sleep. Anya is okay, Hayden has her in the yard. She's steady on her feet this morning!"
Ilya peered out the patio door. Sure enough, Anya was bouncing on all four feet, straining at the end of the leash. She looked nothing like a dog who had to be rushed to the ER not 12 hours earlier. Hayden was trying (and failing) to keep her quiet. When she saw Ilya step onto the deck, she barked in delight. Something settled in Ilya's chest, and he took the first deep breath he had since yesterday. He knew, even before they brought her to the vet for her recheck, that she was going to be okay.
And she was.