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Eventually he has no other options. Shen Qingqiu is not possessed or under any kind of spell he can find. He is, medically and spiritually, wholely himself.
But also not.
The tea is good, and as Luo Binghe is currently in residence on Qing Jing Peak so is the food. And Shidi smiles politely at him from across the table in the Bamboo House. Everything is nice and pleasant and he nearly backs out of the whole thing- but he can't let this go. He's tried.
"You aren't Shen Jiu are you?"
He doesn't know what he's expecting, Shen Qingqiu freezing solid for a moment is ...not quite expected but not unexpected.
Luo Binghe freezing where he's washing dishes in the kitchen is more surprising. Although perhaps it shouldn't be.
Luo Binghe is undoubtedly equally aware of how Shen Qingqiu has changed.
"I don't think I understand what you mean Zhangmen-shixiong." Shen Qingqiu says eventually.
"Yes you do." Yue Qingyuan insists. "You aren't him. You haven't been him for a decade now."
For a moment the mask cracks and Shen Qingqiu shoots him a heartbreakingly guilty look. Then he collapses backwards, like a puppet with it's strings cut.
"Shizun!!"
Luo Binghe is at his husband's side in an instant but before he can actually touch him Shen Qingqiu sits back up.
His eyes are blank, pupil-less and a vivid unearthly blue.
"We're sorry you are displeased with your experience." Shen Qingqiu says. The voice is his but the diction and pronunciation are odd, off. "Please call our help desk at 626-831-9333 for personalized assistance."
Shen Qingqiu pulls a strange black box out of his sleeve and slides it across the table towards him.
"Phone has been provided for your convenience." Shen Qingqiu says and then slumps over again.
This time Luo Binghe catches him, and a moment later Shen Qingqiu is back like he was before- except visibly upset.
"What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck?" Shen Qingqiu hisses.
"Shizun?" Luo Binghe is nearly distraught, cradling Shen Qingqiu to his chest, his eyes teary.
"I'm fine Binghe." Shen Qingqiu says, speaking more informally than he usually does. "I'm fine- can you go get Shang Qinghua for me?"
Luo Binghe protests of course, and while the pair quietly argue Yue Qingyuan turns his attention to the box Shen Qingqiu had given him.
The surface of the device is glossy, and faintly glowing. There's a grid of unfamiliar characters on the screen.
"They're numbers," Shen Qingqiu says. Luo Binghe is gone, Shen Qingqiu must have won their debate. "Here let me..."
He takes the box and punches in a string of symbols before handing the box back to Yue Qingyuan.
He's reluctant to accept the strangely warm device.
"Press the green button," Shen Qingqiu instructs. "Someone will talk to you through it and you can tell them you're dissatisfied."
"I know this is very strange Zhangmen-shixiong," he adds. "But I promise that thing won't hurt you."
"What about you?"
Shen Qingqiu smiles. "I've never wanted to hurt Zhangmen-shixiong."
It's not what he meant but it's good to hear anyway.
Yue Qingyuan presses the green button.
When Luo Binghe manhandles him into the Bamboo House the first thing Shang Qinghua hears is Yue Qingyuan say "I think I'd like to speak to your manager."
The first thing he sees is Cucumber Bro with his head in his hands... And then Yue Qingyuan on a fucking cellphone.
"What," he squeaks.
"He called me out for not being the original goods." Shen Qingqiu says, in English. "And the the System took over my body and gave him a phone and the number for customer service."
"Shit I need that number too." Shang Qinghua says, because what else did you say to that?
Shang Qinghua could feel Luo Binghe staring holes in his back since he'd replied in English too.
"I am only displeased with my service in the sense that I received a replacement I did not request," Yue Qingyuan says.
"Well that's nice bro," Shang Qinghua says.
Cucumber Bro groans and hid his face in his hands again.
"Shizun?" Luo Binghe steps around him to hover at Shen Qingqiu's side.
Cucumber Bro pulls Luo Binghe into a hug, which went to show how stressed he was about this, bro wasn't one for public displays of affection. Luo Binghe hugs him back tightly with a worried look on his face. No doubt his son had made the same connection.
"Yes I think that would be amenable," Yue Qingyuan says.
Shang Qinghua would give his left nut for this call to be on speaker. Especially now as Zhangmen-shixiong looked uncertain and said "Yes?" to some question they couldn't hear.
A moment later Yue Qingyuan pulls the phone away from his ear and frowns at it. "She's gone."
"What did she say?" Shang Qinghua asks as Yue Qingyuan sets the phone down like it might explode.
Zhangmen-shixiong seems surprised to see him there but answers. "She said that she would 'return the original product' to me. She did not specify how, but indicated I could keep the replacement as well."
Cucumber Bro relaxs. "Oh thank fuck," he mutters. Luo Binghe looks delighted and scandalized by the language.
"Then," Yue Qingyuan continues. "She asked if I wanted the realignment applied to all units in the field? I will admit I'm not sure what that mean."
It sounded like-
His vision is suddenly taken over by a giant vivid green system notification, complete with ominous count down.
Ten seconds.
"Meta and Physical Recalibration?" Cucumber Bro read off what must be an identical message for him. "The fuck is that?"
Eight.
"I don't know but I have one too?!" Shang Qinghua says.
Six.
"But you transmigrated in as a baby!"
"I know!"
Three.
"Shidi, are you...?" Yue Qingyuan starts to ask.
Shen Qingqiu whirls around and pulled Luo Binghe's face down to his.
"I love you so so much," he says.
Ding! Recalibration in Progress!
Shen Qingqiu groans as the world came back all at once.
"Ah," Mu Qingfang says. "I'm glad shixiong is back with us."
He was on the floor of the bamboo house, held in Luo Binghe's arms.
"What-"
He meant to ask what happened, but then he looked up at Binghe's distraught teary- eyed face and got distracted.
He sat up and turns into Binghe's embrace.
"I'm fine Binghe-"
He sounds weird...and his robes were too big? He can feel them sliding off his shoulder.
"It appears you and... Other Shen-shixiong split your previous age when your bodies reconstituted. You both have new spiritual veins and appear to be about...twenty?"
Someone who sounds remarkably like him scoffs.
Shen Qingqiu leans over to look behind Mu Qingfang. There was another him- the original goods no doubt- sitting on the floor curled up on himself and frowning. Yue Qingyuan was sitting beside him looking ecstatic.
"Like that makes this better!" The original goods snaps. "I fucking opted out! Why the fuck am I back? I'm not being fucking peak lord again! You can't make me! What the fuck did you do?"
That last question is directed at Shen Qingqiu.
He shrugs. "Zhangmen-shixiong? I think you should take Shen Jiu into the bedroom-"
"WHAT?" The original goods shrieks.
"-And have a conversation with him that you've already had with me." Shen Qingqiu continues.
Yue Qingyuan nods. He scoops Shen Jiu up and stood at once. He carries the original goods away to the bedroom smiling delightedly despite Shen Jiu hissing and spitting and swatting at him like a pissed off cat.
"Put me down you fucking bastard! You son of a whore! Motherfucking useless piece of-"
The door shutting cut off Shen Jiu's stream of vitriol.
Shen Qingqiu turns back to Luo Binghe, "You must have questions," he says. At least the system cat was out of the bag? Right?
Luo Binghe shook his head. "Shizun is here still. Nothing else matters."
Which was very sweet but they really should-
There was a groan from the other side of the table and Shang Qinghua sat up.
"How come you aren't younger?" Shen Qingqiu demands before he can stop himself.
Shang Qinghua blinks. "What?"
He squints at Shen Qingqiu for a second before his eyes go wide.
"Bro-!"
"Shang-shixiong's double appears to not have been an even split." Mu Qingfang says.
"My what?"
Mu Qingfang nods at a basket that was set next to Shang Qinghua. Shang Qinghua looks inside and went deathly pale.
"What the fuck." he whispers.
From the bedroom there was a loud clatter and the sound of breaking glass.
"YOU- YOU IDIOT!"
Shen Jiu flung the door open, stormed over to Mu Qingfang, and forcibly hauled the healer into the bedroom before slamming the door shut behind him.
The basket starts crying.
"Oh no, oh no little baby bro don't do that!" Shang Qinghua whines. He reaches into the basket and picks up the baby inside. The infant kept wailing.
Shang Qinghua settled the baby on his shoulder expertly and starts patting his back. "What am I going to tell my king?" he asks.
As if the question has summoned him, a portal opens in the Bamboo House and Mobei Jun arrived, bringing a cold gust of wind with him.
"Qinghua-"
He stops. Mobei Jun stares at the baby. The baby was still crying and ignores the demon entirely. Shang Qinghua froze like a deer in the headlights.
Mobei Jun reaches over and plucks the baby from Shang Qinghua's hands. He settles the baby in the crook of one arm. The baby stopped crying immediately. It cooes and gurgles happily.
"My king it's not what it looks like -"
Mobei Jun purred deep in his chest. Then he scoops Shang Qinghua up and threw him over his other shoulder. Mobei Jun then turns and leaves out of the same portal he had entered through.
"Things seem to be going relatively well actually?" Shen Qingqiu says. That encounter with Mobei Jun definitely could have gone worse.
There was the sound of more breaking glass from the bedroom.
Shen Qingqiu sighs. "Should have made Zhangmen-shixiong take him to his peak," he mutters.
"Shizun is too nice for that," Binghe says. He kissed Shen Qingqiu's collarbone where it was visible due to his robes half falling off.
"Binghe!" he scolds. "They could come out any second!"
Luo Binghe nods solemnly before scooping Shen Qingqiu up and carrying him bridal style into his old bedroom.
There was a mischievous glint in his eye that Shen Qingqiu probably needed to quash, but well, he did want to get familiar with his new and improved body and spiritual veins... He was sure Binghe would be more than happy to help.