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Offsides vs. Sasanami Unmei

Summary:

A referee makes the mistake of signalling an offside call.

Unmei proceeds to deal with it. Repeatedly.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

The whistle rings clearly through the field. Unmei is already on his feet before the referee shouts, "Offside!"

The referee is gesturing towards Shinohara-senpai, who almost stumbled over the ball after stopping dead in her tracks. However, she shouldn't have had to stop—she's clearly standing at least two strides before the closest defender (Jimichi Susumi-san, a Raimon would-have-been with mediocre stats and an even more mediocre haircut), who sighs and walks back to get into resuming position.

"Eh? Is this really an offside?" Shinohara-senpai asks Sakurazaki-senpai, who shakes his head in resignation. She shouldn't doubt—Unmei made it very clear when she joined that she had to study the rulebook before their first match, so these gaps should've been fixed. Then again, if the referee clearly doesn't know what an offside is, how can he expect someone who's been playing barely a month to know it?

That's a rhetorical question, of course. After this match, Unmei is certainly going to make sure Shinohara-senpai knows what an offside is with no hesitations, incompetent referees or not.

But that's not the problem now. The problem is this: this match against West Manor is already close enough, what with Haru scoring three goals on the first half, without the referee wrongly making an offside call when Nagumohara had a good chance to score their second goal.

Unmei tells the referee this, with as many words.

The referee straightens like a traffic signal, and puts the whistle on his mouth. The atmosphere shifts into the familiar hassle of a Focus Squabble. "Young man, if you say anything else untoward, we're going to have a problem."

Unmei crosses his arms. "I think we already have a problem."

  • ROCK: Argue. "How is that an offside?"

The referee blows his whistle furiously, once after each word. "Insolent! Insolent!"

  • PAPER: Gesture at the public. "See? They're booing you."

The referee flashes Unmei a yellow card, which he pointedly pretends not to see.

  • SCISSORS: Bow. "I respectfully ask that you call off the offside."

"Here comes a red card…" the referee says, fiddling with a suspiciously red paper in his right rear pocket.

He's leaving himself open for another PAPER, but Unmei has probably done enough damage. He'd like to get on with the match before West Manor's coach—one unfortunately-named Ieie Ahiru, good-hearted but somewhat slow on the uptake—wisens up and forces his team into order, so he risks it with—

  • FINISHING BLOW: Offside? Off my way—I demand another referee!

The referee stumbles back, arms open wide and thankfully away from his pocket, and then he slumps.

"Please don't do that…" he mumbles, mournfully. "I promise I'll study the rulebook better."

Needless to say, the offside was annulled, and the play resumed.

(From the bench, Haru hums.

"That guy is good," he says, leaning back on his chair. He's seen referees call wrong offsides a lot, but never one calling it off. "Ne, Ren-san, what was his name again?")


It happens during the middle of the second half of the match against Raimon. Nagumohara is losing by one goal, after Haru's glorious comeback, and Unmei is riding the high of finally seeing him so ecstatic when playing soccer. His heart pumps dangerously fast, and he can't stifle the grin that curls into his face—not that he tries very hard.

Soccer, he realizes, not for the first time, is really, really fun.

He clutches the hem of his CHAMP-ON jacket. It's not time yet… but soon. Soon, he'll be able to stand on the field, surrounded by his teammates and the roaring of the crowd, and he might not be able to run, but he'll breathe again.

Of course, it's that moment—that tantalising, incredible moment—when a sharp whistle cuts through the air.

"Offside!"

Of course it is.

Unmei walks toward the referee slowly, smile falling away. As he does, he categorizes the situation: Yagyuu-senpai standing over the ball with an annoyed expression, Shinano-senpai smiling apologetically, the referee eying Unmei with trepidation. Hm. It's the same referee who managed Nagumohara's matches through the prelims; he and Unmei are intimately familiar with each other, by now.

"Unmei, no!" Kisoji says, stepping in front of him, arms extended. "This was a real offside! Unmei! Unmei!"

Sakurazaki-senpai roughly grabs Kisoji's shoulder and pulls him back. He shakes his head. "Leave it, dude. You know how he gets. Don't get in the crossfire."

Kisoji's mouth twists, uncertain, but he doesn't make any other move to stop Unmei. Good. Unmei's not letting himself be stopped. The offside rule should have never existed, anyways—if the defenders aren't good enough to stop the strikers from receiving a ball past them, that's their problem. It certainly shouldn't be Unmei's, but boy is it going to be the referee's.

"Sasanami-kun," says the referee when Unmei comes into hearing distance. His voice sounds calm, but he started speaking when Unmei was five strides away, and his eyes are on Unmei's left shoulder instead of his face. "If you keep doing this, I'm going to card you."

"Try it if you wish, sir," Unmei says, and takes a step closer.

The referee quite doesn't take a step back, but his leg does shift. He holds his ground until Unmei gets into rock-paper-scissors distance. At that point, he's shaking like a leaf, and holding onto his whistle like a lifeline.

It seems it's going to be particularly easy this time, Unmei muses, and widens his stance. Should I go with rock—insulting his referee formation—or paper—insinuating he should quit before he makes more of a fool of himself? Maybe scissors—insisting that he read the rulebook before making these kinds of calls?

Mm. Rock's fine.

"You," he begins, but then—

"What's this?" Tsukikage Ren-san exclaims. He's frowning as he steps in between Unmei and the referee. Unmei reflexively tenses as Tsukikage-san wagging his finger to a very familiar rhythm. "The referee called offside, Sasanami-kun. It was an offside."

"It's never an offside," Unmei counters, crossing his arms, and it's on.

(From a few paces away, Haru laughs.

"Unmei, you're amazing!" he says, grinning, as Unmei tears Ren-san apart. "Getting a referee to call off an offside, again—wow!")

Notes:

i love focus squabbles - they're hilarious. unmei is such a cunt.

when i was playing through story mode, back in the early chapters without soccer, my sibling suggested that focus squabbles would integrate in matches as arguing with the referee to call off his calls. as a longtime inazuma fan, and therefore offside sufferer (and foul sufferer, in this game, too), i wished for this, with alllllll my heart. sadly, it didn't happen. here's me manifesting it for the 2nd game though

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