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“You have to come, bro! We’re going to meet so many faces we haven’t seen in years!” Jakov’s voice sounded distorted by the phone booth he was in, murmuring short words of excuse to the people waiting. “Besides, Eva is practically forcing me to make you come. You know she almost managed to hack into your phone last month, right? Why haven’t you returned her calls?”
The apartment where Lovro stood felt desolate. He was in the master bedroom, watching the condensation on the windowpanes break with the passing minutes—or perhaps hours—as he paused to observe the changing air outside. Lovro heard his best friend say a few things, unnecessary details about life with Mario; they had decided to move in together after high school.
Even after all those years, Jakov couldn’t live without one of them.
Graduation had been exhausting. Lovro missed it that day. He still remembered his mother’s scolding for not wanting to participate in the final event of his education. But truthfully, he hadn't missed everything. He did go to the after-party; he arrived late and kept away from the majority, but he was there. He received his laminated diploma from Eva’s hands, who had picked it up for him as compensation for his absence. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go; he simply didn’t feel like coexisting with classmates who hadn’t stopped staring at him fixedly throughout that entire final year.
Lovro had come out of the closet, and it seemed to have changed the perception of most people there.
“Are you still there?” Jakov interrupted his monologue. “Please tell me you haven’t hung up on me again, or worse, that Stuart arrived suddenly and now you’re ignoring me because he’s kissing you. Is that it? I don’t want to have to wash my ears out again.”
Lovro snapped out of his trance as soon as he heard those words, responding to his friend with a childish gagging sound. “What the hell are you talking about? Forget it, that happened a long time ago.” He shifted his body from the fetal position he was in, sitting up in the middle of the sheets to reclaim the half of the conversation he had lost. “Yes, I’m listening. Mario mixed up the colors again, and now all your t-shirts are pink. I don’t see the problem.”
“There is no problem!” Jakov complained. “And no, it wasn't that. I was asking you—or rather, imploring you—to attend the class reunion here at the school next week! Don’t tell me—!”
“No.”
There was no decision to make; the word was already imposed in Lovro’s brain at the same time he was deciding what to order for dinner later. There was no food in the refrigerator, and he didn’t want to cook for the moment.
“Why not? You’re going to have fun! You’ll meet your friends, the ones you don’t talk to much but who care about you! Stop being such an introvert; at least have some fun in the middle of so much paperwork.”
“Don’t insult my work.”
“I’m not, but it’s frustrating that you always postpone our outings for some report you forgot to fill out, or because your boss calls you in the middle of New Year’s and you have to leave the house because those overtime hours pay so well, Lovro!”
“You still remember that?” Lovro asked, lost. The sock on his left foot slipped as he got out of bed; with a sudden wave of vertigo, he cursed. “The overtime hours are what allow me to keep this apartment.”
On the other end of the line, his friend seemed to laugh pointlessly. He heard snatches of people nearby; Jakov was likely in an open space, in the only available booth because he definitely wouldn't spend his salary on a phone line. Jakov was a rising accountant, something that surprised most people since the boy barely had coins in his hand to get himself anything; or if he did, he preferred to invest in energy drinks or more spray cans for the vandalism in his neighborhood. The years had turned him into someone responsible—or rather, a cheapskate, he used to say with a smile while ignoring the jokes. Savings, he called it, but the true reason remained hidden.
“Anyway, bro. We really want to see you. I haven't seen you in months. I know we live a train ride away, but I can't visit you every weekend. Besides, it won't just be Mario and me; the others will be there!”
Lovro walked through his apartment, leaving the main bedroom into an empty atmosphere. The only sound was his bare footsteps and the digital clock that never stopped annoying him when he dozed off, its white neon startling his poor vision. Lovro hated that object with his soul; if he could, he would leave it in the box it came in, but Stuart liked it, and he had to respect that.
“The others? Who else? I didn't hang out with many people in school.”
Jakov clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Please, don’t get me started. Eva will be there, obviously; Mario, of course...” He stopped his counting, and Lovro heard him sigh before continuing. “Nora, Tina, Nix, Vanessa, Alen, Boris, David. People you know, Lovro. You can’t run away all the time.”
“I don’t remember most of them.”
Lovro wanted to laugh wickedly at the growing grumpiness in Jakov. Despite the distance, he could see the eyes rolling hard, the heavy breathing, and above all, the clenched fists at his sides.
“Well, maybe you remember one very well.” The pause he made left Lovro in suspense. Jakov breathed in sharply, hitting the microphone. “Ivan.”
Lovro stepped away from the kitchen counter. It was covered with Stuart’s gardening projects, with small notes on the pots, the neat handwriting curved with affection, and stickers with funny faces. Lovro always laughed when seeing them or reading the instructions he had learned to identify over time. This time, he could only look at them for a moment before turning away, as if he were suddenly disrespecting them. He always touched them, moving them or trying to knock them over to annoy Stuart, but he never meant it. At this moment, he didn't even want to brush them with his fingers. He moved away from the kitchen toward the living room. The room was large, divided into two sections, which made him realize he could never truly get free of his mother; he remembered her in this apartment more than he wanted to admit.
“Ivan?” he asked, his voice dropping an octave. His heart beat suddenly, as if remembering its purpose; he could feel the blood rushing through his veins. “Which Ivan are we talking about?”
Jakov snorted on the other end, making a horrifying sound that gave Lovro chills. “Don’t play with me! You know perfectly well who I’m talking about,” he continued. “You know? He’s asked about you. Not in an invasive way, but he asked Tina a few weeks ago when the reunion was being planned. She told Mario, who ended up telling me. I’m surprised, I won't deny it, but I don’t think it’s out of spite, but rather consideration. Seems like the guy is still worried about you.”
“None of that. He just remembered because he saw them,” Lovro tried to divert the conversation. “It’s like when I pass near my old neighborhood and see the park we used to go to; I remember those moments.”
Jakov laughed. “If that’s what you say, maybe. But I just wanted you to know that Ivan is coming to the reunion. It won’t make you uncomfortable, will it? Because honestly, Lovro, the guy is already over it. He didn’t stop talking about his fourth girlfriend of the year with Tina and Vanessa when they ran into him at the supermarket… Or so I remember from the conversation.”
Lovro knew he would start rambling, and without wanting to hear it, he stopped him. “Stop telling me these things. I shouldn't know more about him. Besides, I’ve also moved on. There’s Stuart, don’t you remember?”
“Right! You can bring Stuart and introduce him properly to the group, as it should be. I’m tired of being interrogated by Eva every time she sees you in cute photos. I’m done.”
“No.”
“Oh, come on! It’ll be fun! It’s about time he got to know us better, don’t you think? Besides, you could rub it in the face of—”
Lovro cut the line before Jakov could finish his thought.
It didn’t take long. While he checked the daily routine on the itinerary taped to the front door—dates established with quick names of both on their days off, simple memories of normal outings they had occasionally, and memos with reminders to help or repair something—he realized there wasn't much today. Just take out the trash on time, wait patiently for Stuart’s orchid to grow, take out the frozen food, and above all, for Lovro to finish his reports for the company where he worked. Jakov had left a pending message on his notification list. Lovro only noticed it when he returned to reality after a long time away from the company programs. He shook his head upon reading it, but a part of him leaned toward the idea. It didn't take long for him to agree, due to his friend's many pleas and, above all, the extra reward offered to convince him.
Jakov: "You have to come. I'm not forcing you, we’ll just be happy to see you."
Lovro: "What day is it?"
Jakov: "OMG, you're coming! Wait, I'll find Eva's message."
It didn’t take long. In fact, it was faster than he thought, because Lovro was already buying one ticket train to return to Zagreb the following week.
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
The reception he expected to find at the train station was as bittersweet as he anticipated.
His mother was there, with an honest, pleasant smile that made his heart admit it truly missed home. He had warned her only a day in advance because he knew his mother; she was so anxious she probably would have stayed up cleaning his old room for his comfort. What she didn't know was that Lovro had already booked a hotel room. He was arriving alone, but he wanted at least some privacy.
The journey had been quick, leaving aside the stations where he fell asleep, but he liked it. He enjoyed taking photographs of the landscape through the large windows, a space for himself after a long time. Stuart hadn't insisted on accompanying him; he had only made a simple pout before accepting the news with his head tilted; that look he always gave when Lovro refused his advances. That had been a while ago, and Stuart had already forgiven him.
That was why when he saw his mother try to take his suitcase to her car, Lovro stopped her, doing it himself. It was a small bag with enough clothes for two days, which he planned to stay to please Jakov and spend time with her.
“Why do you want to stop by the house?” His mother drove through the main highway; she still had that habit of using her left hand more. “I prepared everything for you, and... Stuart? Didn't he want to come?”
Lovro turned his attention outside, recognizing the neighborhood where he used to spend time, yet not recognizing it at all. “No, he’s busy. He has more important things to do there.”
“How did you get this trip then? Your company doesn't give you many favors in the same year.”
He noticed his mother’s resilient gaze from the side, looking at his face during a quick stop at a red light. Lovro didn't hide things from her, not anymore. He had learned to trust her as much as she did him. They used to talk quite a bit on the phone when Lovro moved out, about mundane things and especially about the lessons a young man should know to survive alone. She had also met Stuart in time. not too early, not too late. It was the right moment, if that’s what he tried to believe.
Them being caught under the streetlight at the corner of their building, when his mother arrived by surprise with an excited but restless look.
“I used my remaining vacation days,” he explained. “Besides, I work more overtime than anyone; they couldn’t deny me. I never miss a day.”
“I’m sure of that. It’s just, you never usually come so suddenly,” his mother argued, driving again. “Or did someone convince you?”
His heartbeat wanted to race, to increase like an avalanche. Lovro breathed deeply. “Jakov.”
“Of course.”
When they arrived at the hotel where he was staying, he couldn't help but recognize the place somehow. The memory came back so quickly, a glimpse of dark eyes and a satisfied smile on a man who approached him with an apology in his voice. It came as fast as it left when his mother took the suitcase from the trunk. The sound made him react, unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the car, realizing there was a great gale in the area.
Both headed to the reception, still dominated by the colors of the sky, a strange reflection that contrasted with the uniform of the woman who assisted them. The girl was still young, but she wasn't the same one he had met a long time ago, when he was still a teenager playing a game with...
“Reservation?” the receptionist asked, with that kind but sharp tone. “Could you tell me your name to confirm it?”
“Lovro Dević.”
The woman seemed to pause for a moment while typing the name, looking up slightly as if wanting to emphasize something, as if it were strange. Lovro didn't understand the silence that followed, while his mother checked her phone extravagantly with the volume turned up.
“Excuse me, sir. Have you stayed here before? It shows that you have. But that was... ten years ago.”
Lovro couldn’t help but smile with exhaustion. “Six years, yes.”
She nodded quickly, understanding her lack of professionalism, and handed him the key.
His mother accompanied him through the whole process, both looking at the small areas of the room for cameras. She was paranoid because of the many videos she saw of ladies inspecting hotels to protect themselves; she wanted the same for her son. So Lovro decided to let her do as she wished while he quickly settled his things.
It was only morning, so the reunion would be later, but he had arranged to meet Vito and Masa for lunch. They had also received the news suddenly, with more fury than his mother, because they stayed in touch with him more than anyone. Especially Vito, who kept insisting on meeting Stuart after a post that wasn't intended for his instagram. He deleted it within minutes of the error, but as he began to receive congratulations from strangers, Vito had called immediately, arguing his experience in male romances to meet the guy.
Lovro had obviously refused.
“So? Are we going to have breakfast?” his mother spoke from behind the dressing area, her voice muffled but cheerful. “At home.”
“Yep.”
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
Vito’s restaurant left nothing to be desired. He had acquired it after a large monthly installment he began paying after Lovro’s graduation, with the idea of starting his own business and wanting to be self-sufficient. Everyone had been happy with the idea, but Vito sometimes looked more tired than usual, always emphasizing it was for a necessary good, and it truly was. The place was very comfortable; the interior was so inviting that Lovro feared he might fall asleep when he sat in the cushioned seat reserved for the three of them.
Vito wouldn't stop boasting that his restaurant would be run by reservations, something he managed to achieve.
There were many couples in the daylight, and above all, they were diverse, something that left Lovro surprised in a restless moment while Masa murmured quickly about the struggles she suffered as a nurse. Vito had gone to the kitchen to order some things, so he left Lovro to handle Masa, who kept trying to make him empathize with her. He did, actually, because he could assume he also carried his friend's dark circles with more weight; being in front of a machine truly ruined people.
By the time Vito returned with steaming plates and a waiter behind him, the interrogation began—the kind they usually did through calls but now translated into the real world. He couldn't hide much, practically saying how he was dealing with the emotional stress of some things that were happening. Lovro wasn't one to overcomplicate things, not like back in high school when he would look at a problem twice and not know how to solve it. Now he tried to seek help, he accepted what they told him; he still made his own decisions, but he saw that everything they told him was with affection. He was no longer so defensive.
The moment of emotional exchange stopped when Vito took the wine from his last glass of the afternoon. A deep look inspected Lovro for a long moment, almost transmitting an uncertainty as if he had been caught under a magnifying glass.
“Alright, now we can ask what we’re dying to ask, isn't that right, Masa?”
Masa rolled her eyes, finishing her dish. “You mean you're dying to ask.”
Vito feigned offense to make Lovro laugh.
“Well, since you're leaving me alone in battle,” his friend whispered before focusing on him again. “Why have you come, Lovro? What happened at home? Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine,” he replied, frowning slightly, not annoyed. “What’s with this interrogation?”
“Well, you know, you don’t upload many photos with Stuart.” Vito feigned checking the quality of the wine, his eyes reading the label. “Is there trouble in paradise?”
Lovro blinked. “No.”
“Then what are you doing here? So suddenly in the city?”
Masa also stopped her actions before staring at him; both were expectant.
“Well... I just wanted to visit you. Besides, I don’t know. I don’t come often.”
“Sure? Is that just it?” Vito insisted.
“Yes.” He raised his voice slightly, then apologized with a grimace. “I mean, Jakov invited me—well, he practically forced me to accept. The guys from my school, from my graduation, they’re planning a reunion for everyone. Jakov insisted that I don’t see them much, so I thought maybe it’s a good idea to go for a bit.”
Vito opened his eyes, surprised. “When is it?”
“Today, later.”
Masa and Vito looked at each other quickly, sharing strange thoughts; they still had the intense telepathy they used to share and would never let go.
“What? Today? Is that why you’ve come?”
Lovro nodded.
“That’s why Nora is here too,” Masa spoke. “She didn't say anything about a reunion; she only mentioned seeing the girls. Why didn't she say anything?”
Vito shrugged, somewhat confused. “Reunion. You mean seeing the faces of all the classmates you probably haven't spoken to in years?”
“Something like that,” Lovro accepted. “But Jakov said the others miss me.”
“Who are 'the others'?” Vito asked. “I’ve only met a few.”
Lovro didn't take long to remember Jakov's words. “Eva, Mario, Nora, Tina, Nix, Vanessa, Alen, Boris, David. You guys didn't meet them, but sometimes they hang out with us. They were closer when we were finishing school. The other students, I don't know them.”
Masa seemed to understand, her hands on her glass. Vito was still lost in his thoughts, but a smile appeared on his lips. Lovro began to tremble slowly. He saw Vito connecting the dots in seconds.
“All the students from your year...” he began. “Absolutely everyone?”
“No, I mean, whoever decided to come. I don't imagine everyone agreed.”
“At a reunion? I could assume there will be several; a lot of time has passed.”
Lovro looked away, fleeing from the truth Vito was seeking. “Probably. I have no idea.”
“Stuart hasn't come, has he?”
“No.”
“I see.”
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
The school was overflowing with students. Jakov had tricked him; it wasn't just students from his year, but from others as well. He recognized faces he never thought he’d see again; some made friendly gestures that he took a moment to return when he realized they were for him. Still reluctant to spend time with strangers, he moved through the tide. The gym was decorated in a boring way; fabrics draped over the windows creating a suffocating atmosphere. At least the air conditioning was on, so Lovro’s hoodie didn't cause him discomfort.
He didn't do it on purpose, but he felt his footsteps fall heavier as he heard voices. The music wasn't loud enough to stop him from hearing emotive conversations, some of which were ridiculous and senseless. The rhythm of the beat stopped for a moment to welcome a DJ they had hired a few hours ago, or so he managed to hear from a group of girls positioned near him. Lovro, exhausted from looking for his friends and especially Jakov, retreated to the snack table where at least he could feign normalcy and not let on that he was trying to control his nerves.
Perhaps he just needed a bit of calm before the storm.
He didn't want to hear Eva's diatribe about his digital distance, or Vanessa lying for him, or worse, Mario describing embarrassing situations he’s lived through with Jakov. Bored, he reached the table where some other classmates were talking in low voices. They seemed to be a couple because they wouldn't stop flirting shamelessly next to him. He was almost about to ask for permission to pass when someone behind him spoke before he could.
“If you'll excuse us, maybe we want to eat. There’s furniture at the end of the hall, you know?”
The voice.
The tone.
It belonged to...
“Ivan.”
Lovro turned around in a split second, too fast, bumping into the man who was looking at the couple but didn't pull away from the contact.
The couple retreated with a grimace of dislike, their heels echoing in the wide space. Bodies were still in the center of the dance floor, the music was still in sync, many voices discussed topics or gossiped, but Lovro’s heart skipped a beat as he looked into the eyes of the person in front of him.
Ivan Kovacic had a winning smile, just as he always had. Still tall, with a good build, he looked down at Lovro, relishing his honest surprise. Giving him space, Lovro quickly stepped back as if trying to create a solid wall. He didn't succeed because Ivan was already heading toward him, leaning in but stopping inches from his face with a playful smirk while his arm reached for something behind Lovro, a snack that he pulled out while stepping back with a laugh on his lips.
It wasn't that Lovro looked at his lips.
“Lovro,” he greeted. “It’s good to see you.”
Even hearing his name come from the man still left him trembling, remembering the glimpses he had decided to bury deep inside over time, back when he still couldn't stand the idea of letting go of something he couldn't have had, being so young and inexperienced.
He was going to say something, maybe a greeting in return, some clumsy sentence his brain couldn't formulate fast enough, but they were interrupted by a sing-song voice from the other side. It was Eva, with Nora beside her, running toward him with a huge smile. She engulfed him in a bear hug that made him gasp for the little air he had left. Recognizing the blood rushing faster, he separated from her arms while Nora kissed his cheek in a good mood.
Ivan was still there.
“It’s good to see you! I didn't think you’d do it; I didn't believe Jakov,” Eva explained quickly. “I was thinking of going to kidnap you myself. Look at you! You’ve grown; your eyes are bluer now. I didn't think it was possible they could be brighter, because I read this article in the library that said blue eyes darken over time.”
She continued her constant murmuring for a while. Lovro tried to keep up with her, but Ivan's persistent gaze on him left him distracted. He couldn't help but look back at him; Ivan was caught without shame. He waved, almost leaving for real when he was stopped by Tina, who arrived with Mario in tow. Jakov was also there, hugging Lovro with even more intensity.
He greeted his friends with a soft smile, ignoring the giant elephant in the room since he had already greeted him. Vanessa also arrived with a playful smirk, whispering things into Ivan’s ear. Everyone moved to a side of the gym where there were more chairs to sit and chat for a while.
The night had progressed in such a way that when the slow music began to play through the speakers, Tina stopped her monologue about being a responsible young adult in the textile sector of her store to guide Mario—who was murmuring extra details about Jakov—to the dance floor where many couples gathered to dance close. Lovro made no move to get up. Eva stood up, offering him her hand, which he clumsily rejected. Unbothered, his friend turned to Jakov, who ended up accepting due to the teasing. Vanessa shot him a quick look, as if asking something. Only four of them were left in the circle; Nix was still talking about her classmates in her second degree, but Vanessa was looking at Lovro trying to figure something out.
Ivan was a few meters away but seemed concentrated on the sea of people.
Vanessa made a gesture, her hands discreetly pointing at Ivan. Lovro nodded calmly, knowing what his friend meant. She stood up, taking Nix with her, both talking about something he had already forgotten, but Vanessa turned at the last second to give him a smile of encouragement.
The atmosphere was still at its peak, the couples being the center of everyone's attention. Lovro didn't have to check twice to confirm that Ivan was already watching him intently. As he always had, Lovro breathed deeply, controlling the nerves rising in his skin, and turned toward him. Two chairs separated them, but it wasn't enough space to escape the floating emotions of Ivan, still so transparent.
“So, how have you been?” Lovro decided to ask, in a low but audible voice. “I haven't heard much from you.”
Ivan smiled lopsidedly. “You don't ask about me.”
The heartbeats began to increase.
“Ivan, I’m trying to have a civilized conversation with you.”
“I know,” he laughed. “It’s funny to see that you still get nervous, but I’m glad to know you no longer flee from deep topics.”
“Is asking you how you are a deep topic?”
“Yes. You didn't used to ask that much back then,” he replied. “I began to think you weren't interested enough.”
They were really going to have this conversation.
“I thought you had forgotten. At least a part of it. I thought everything was fine between us,” Lovro reasoned. “It happened so long ago. Is it necessary to bring it up?”
Ivan shook his head. “No, sorry. I got sidetracked. I’m fine. I’ve been going to therapy for a while; I’ve stopped now.”
“Really? Since when? Or rather, why did you stop?”
“They gave me a sort of discharge. I couldn't continue with the hospitalization.”
Lovro frowned with concern. “You’ve been hospitalized?”
Ivan smiled. “No. Just a figure of speech.”
Lovro wanted to pull him up and give him a small, harmless smack for making him worry; he didn't know where the impulse came from. He held it back for a while as they listened to the rhythm of the song from the speakers.
“How have you been, Lovro?”
Lovro let out a soft sigh. He stretched his arms in front of him, resting them on his knees while seated.
“I’ve been... quiet. Many years have passed, haven't they?”
“Yes,” Ivan confirmed. “Many. We’ve grown. I heard... I heard you have a boyfriend.”
Lovro was destabilized for a second. Ivan noticed but said nothing, again sharing eye contact. Lovro didn't know how to respond instantly, but ended up nodding clumsily, his gaze falling to his sneakers. Still dressing like a teenager, but formal at the same time.
“Yes.”
Ivan nodded. “I’m glad. It’s good to know you’ve grown.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know... you’re not afraid to admit you’re in a relationship with a man.”
The blow had been dealt to hurt, and Lovro took it as one.
“I wasn’t ashamed. In fact, it took me time to accept it,” he tried to explain, as if he needed to. “It was complicated. After leaving here, I was going through something difficult, running from...”
“Stop. I don’t want to hear that.” Ivan straightened up suddenly. “Don’t worry, I can control myself now. Let’s just talk about something else.”
Lovro tried to follow the established limit. “Are you doing anything right now? Like, a job or something?”
“Of course. Otherwise, how could I afford so many trips?”
“You’ve traveled?” Lovro asked. “You’ve left the country? That’s very good.”
Ivan looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Why very good?”
“Well, usually young people like us can’t afford those luxuries, as you might notice.”
“Do you want to leave the country?”
Lovro recoiled, realizing he was about to share too much. “No. I mean... maybe? For a while, I don't know. I have so much accumulated at home, sometimes I just want to leave everything behind.”
The explanation caused both to look at each other eternally for seconds that seemed like hours. The noise faded away; the truth coming out in layers. Lovro didn't stop his heart from racing; he let it be while trying to read the passive expression on Ivan.
“Run away? Are you not happy with your life?”
Lovro sat up slightly to deny it. “No, no, no. You misunderstood me. I’m just stressed.”
Ivan nodded with understanding in his serious countenance.
“Want to see photos?”
So both ended up next to each other, without chairs separating them, close. Ivan's scent was so near it seemed not to have changed. Lovro couldn't help but feel somewhat confused with the pressure of his subconscious alerting him to some stupidity he couldn't decipher while he listened to Ivan describe the country he showed or the details in the photographs. In one of them, he seemed to have gone with someone—the person was shorter, a kind girl smiling at the camera. "An ex-girlfriend," he had commented. Lovro would have mocked him if it weren't for the fact that on the next trip, he was with someone else, a man. Lovro did find amusement in the idea of an Ivan who couldn't focus on just one person. It already seemed to be in his blood, unable to avoid finding many interesting people, as he had said a long time ago. Little by little, they drifted more into common topics, other mundane details of their routines, and after a long while, he realized their friends seemed to have left them alone or at least given them space to talk.
It wasn't that they had separated on bad terms; in fact, it had been a joint decision after realizing they weren't enough for each other. On Lovro's side, he still felt too much pressure to convince himself that no one was watching what he did, yet he ended up pushing Ivan away anyway. Back then, listening to his friends, he decided to take time for himself, both accepting the end that had been visible for some time. There was no argument, nothing. Ivan hadn't said anything; he practically took the word and respected it, something that pleased Lovro but left him wondering if they were ever really real. In the little they had shared together, Lovro always ended up dreaming of those days during his sleepless nights, when he tried to succumb to his emotions, allowing himself to feel something beyond what anyone else knew.
They lasted like that for a while longer, while people walked slowly in opposite directions—some leaving, some wandering nostalgically through the building. Ivan suggested walking around the area for a bit. Lovro couldn't help but follow him, recognizing Vanessa’s look of approval from afar, and Jakov's confused one, who wanted to go after them but was stopped by Tina with a playful tantrum he didn't quite understand as he crossed through the exit.
The air was warm, suddenly feeling almost calmer, leaving everything aside. Lovro didn't feel self-conscious about being seen with Ivan; some classmates didn't look at them twice as he would have expected. Ivan was still humming the musical notes from the gym speakers, but he looked at peace, as if he were thinking of nothing. Lovro envied him—so oblivious to everything that could happen around him, without that anxiety he sometimes suffered in moments like this. But he understood; he understood that his own body was relaxed with the man near him.
Maybe it was habit.
Ivan stopped near the parking lot, with a mocking smile pointing at the huge line of cars. Lovro hesitated for a second before looking. Doubting whether to say something, but Ivan began to walk among them, looking at him every now and then with a low laugh. He stopped in front of a motorcycle that looked expensive, resting near the corner of the space. With confusing initials, Lovro couldn't help but ask.
“Is it yours?”
Ivan nodded with a satisfied smile while Lovro widened his eyes in surprise, murmuring something about the small bike Ivan had in high school.
“So you changed. You really have grown, Ivan Kovacic.”
“It was time. I thought, why not take it out for a spin?”
“God, don't tell me it has a name.”
“Actually...”
Lovro stopped him with a playful grimace while touching the leather and nodding with pride. “Very well.”
He couldn't help but realize where they were when he recognized that Ivan was probably leaving.
“Are you leaving already?”
Ivan looked at him for a moment longer. “Maybe.”
A pause.
“You’re leaving.”
Ivan smiled.
Lovro didn't know why, but nerves made his hair stand on end, the air feeling somewhat heavier. The clouds were trying to tell him something. He tried to say something, a goodbye, but his vocal cords wouldn't cooperate, remaining still while he followed Ivan's gaze, as intense as the first day.
“Do you want to come?”
The question sounded low, but solid, like an ace up the sleeve—a trick that suddenly came to the surface. Lovro knew he had to answer. He could say no; he could mention his work at home, the travel bag with his low-battery laptop; he could say his mother was waiting for him, or that Jakov would take him. But he had a massive weakness, and he was standing right in front of him with a patient smirk and a relaxed attitude.
Lovro probably hadn't changed that much.
“For what?”
A beat.
“We could see something, or smoke. Do you still like to smoke?”
Lovro nodded hesitantly. Ivan smiled and took a helmet from the motorcycle trunk—there were two. Lovro couldn't help but react.
“What? Did you already have this planned?” he accused, stepping back a little.
Ivan sighed as he closed the trunk. “No. I just carry two, just in case.”
“Is this a trap?” Lovro inquired with an angry grimace. “I have a boyfriend.”
“And yet you agreed to come with me.”
“Because I thought we would talk a little more, be friends.”
“Really?”
Lovro didn't know; he wasn't sure.
“I don’t know. But I wasn’t planning on doing something you probably think I would do. I’m not like that.”
Ivan arched an eyebrow. “Like what?”
“Like... like you... that day. When you took me to your house after karaoke. You took me there, you flirted with me, and your girlfriend arrived to rub it in my face that you weren't alone.”
He didn't know why he began describing the past in such detail, but he had started and he wouldn't stop.
“Or when you wouldn't stop looking at my lips and you took me to the pool estate on your birthday. You kissed me, Ivan. You did. And you kept seeing me even while having a girlfriend; you told me you couldn't leave her. You made me believe that. I can't do that.”
Ivan listened to everything without interrupting, his gaze fixed on Lovro. Lovro spoke with a trembling voice—a late accusation, a very late complaint that poured out of him as he saw the same thing happening again, except he was in Ivan's shoes now.
“I can’t do that.”
Ivan nodded. “I only did it once. And I don’t regret it.”
“Only once? What? Cheating on someone?”
“I’m not a cheater, Lovro.”
“You are.”
“No. It was only once. I don't cheat on my partners. The only time I did it was—”
Lovro interrupted, stepping closer, his emotions on the surface. “Shut up. Yes, you are. You enticed me, you lied to Sonja.”
“The only time I did it was with you,” Ivan admitted, also stepping closer, emanating an energy from the way he was holding something back, his hands moving nearer. “It was only because of you. I never cheated on anyone else. When someone catches my attention, I end things with people and dedicate myself to the new ones. I couldn't stand seeing you and not doing something. You captivated me, Lovro. You still do. I’m sorry for how I handled things back then, but when I finished with her, I dedicated myself only to you. You have to recognize that. I didn't look at anyone else. No one else existed for me when I was with you.”
Lovro let Ivan's touch reach him, cupping his face. “No. Don’t say that. We were teenagers; we couldn't know exactly what we felt or didn't feel.”
“It was love. It still is love.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
He couldn't help but look into Ivan's eyes, so close, separated by centimeters. Everything around them disappeared; the heartbeats were persistent like drums in his ears from everything he had harbored for years. The thought of doing something, asking, finding out, searching for Ivan—it all came back so quickly. Emotions sealed for years made their way to his thoughts: the memories with Ivan, the way they shared their first cigarette, when Ivan invited him to walk with him, when they rode the small motorcycle, Lovro’s dreams, the couple’s arguments they had without even being one, stolen kisses, touches no one else saw, eyes sharing thoughts, the telepathy he thought he felt, Ivan’s words.
We go somewhere, we live together, then we get married.
It all came back to him.
“You’ve traveled,” Lovro spoke in a low voice, tears accumulating, some falling down his face as he looked into those dark eyes. “Without me. You said you’d do it with me.”
Ivan laughed sweetly before leaning in.