Chapter Text
If you were to ask Matthew since when did he realize his feelings for Hanbin, he couldn’t give a definite answer to that. Maybe he fell inlove right at the first sight of him, who wouldn’t swoon for the famous Sung Hanbin anyway?
He thought his mere attraction was simply an infatuation and will be gone as time passes by. Afterall, Hanbin made it clear a million times that he sees him only as his bestfriend. It stings his heart everytime he mentions it, but what else can he do aside from hiding his real feelings for him?
Hanbin’s always inlove with someone. Matthew lost count on how many people he has dated ever since their friendship started, not that he’d even like to keep track of that. Matthew even thought that as soon as he comes to terms with the fact that Hanbin would never see him more than being his bestfriend, his attraction for Hanbin would fade away.
But he was wrong.
Five years later, he’s still the same. Living with his continued unrequited love for Sung Hanbin.
“Is he coming?” Keita asked after seeing Matthew locking the screen of his phone with eyebrows raised at him.
Keita became Matthew’s first ever work friend in the city, that’s what he always say whenever he introduce him to other people. Being Matthew’s friend aside from Hanbin, ofcourse he is completely aware of how head over heels he is for Hanbin. Like he couldn’t even make it more obvious, with the way he speaks about Hanbin with so much admiration.
Keita remembers the first time he met Hanbin. Matthew was excited to introduce his two friends to each other. Not to mention how his eyes sparkle everytime he looks at Hanbin, as if he had saved the world or something. It amuses him for some reason, and it also makes him question at the back of his head if Hanbin is really oblivious with Matthew’s feelings for him?
“Yup.” Matthew answered with quite an emphasis on the letter p. “This place is on the way to the bus stop anyway so we’re going home together.”
“Aww. How sweet.” Keita told Matthew quite mockingly, earning him an eyeroll from the younger.
“And this is why until now, you’re still so inlove with him.” Keita even rarely managed to hide his surprise when Matthew threw a tissue paper on him.
“Oh shut up.”
“Like how many months has he been single right now?” Matthew took a sip of his drink before answering Keita’s question.
“It’s over a year already since his last relationship.” Keita dramatically placed his hands over his chest, looking quite surprised with his answer.
“You’ve been keeping track of that?”
“Well, you asked?”
“Did he mention liking someone or being even interested in someone right now?” Matthew shook his head at him.
“No. He hasn’t mentioned anyone since then.”
“Then what are you even doing?” Seeing Keita’s frustrated look right now leaves Matthew in confusion. “What?”
“Hello. This is finally your chance?” Matthew still doesn’t get what Keita is pertaining to, still leaving him in complete confusion.
“Chance to what?” The both of them quite jumped in surprise when a familiar voice joined in their conversation, making them look at who suddenly arrived.
“Hanbin.” Matthew couldn’t even hide the surprise in his voice as Hanbin took a seat on their table.
“Hi, Hanbin.” Keita greeted him with enthusiasm.
“What were you both talking about?” Hanbin asked with curiousity.
“About Matthew’s dating life.” Keita said without any remorse at all, being all aware that Matthew would want to definitely bury him to the ground right now with the kind of look he was currently giving him.
“Really?” Hanbin looked quite astonished at Matthew who was keen on keeping his mouth shut and distracted himself by drinking a glass of water instead.
“Say, Hanbin. What do you think about dating Matthew?” Matthew’s cough was loud enough to interrupt them, catching Keita's sudden question in surprise.
What the hell is Keita even thinking?
“Excuse me?” Matthew could even barely say the words out of his mouth as he was feeling flustered.
“Are you okay?” He wiped his mouth with a pair of tissue, heart fluttering at the concern coming from his bestfriend.
“Yes. I’m okay.” He answered, but couldn’t bear to look Hanbin in the eye, especially not after the question that Keita threw at him.
“Back to the topic again. Have you ever considered dating Matthew?” The sudden silence on their table made Matthew suddenly nervous, thinking of butting himself right in and tell them to just call it a day instead. Yet before he knew it, Hanbin answered Keita’s question, leaving his heart in a momentary pause as they were both anticipating for what he has to say.
“Hmm, Matthew would really make a fun company and I think there would never be a dull moment between the two of you if you’re dating him.”
Keita gave Matthew a teasing look after Hanbin’s compliment. He wanted to tease his friend even more as soon as he saw how his face turned red because of it.
Hanbin suddenly patted Matthew’s head fondly. “Friendly dates, maybe. Isn’t that what we’ve been doing for the past few years?”
Matthew thought that he was immune to all of this. He’s always aware that he’s Hanbin’s bestfriend, and for all those five years of friendship that they’ve spent together, it still stings his heart to know that his feelings are never reciprocated.
He could only give Hanbin a half-hearted smile, avoiding looking at Keita’s way because he knows exactly what he feels for him right now. Pity.
♣️
After graduating in college, Hanbin and Matthew wanted to land a job and stay in Seoul. Adulting life truly wasn’t easy especially for the both of them who were just fresh graduates and being offered only with a basic salary. The both of them decided that it would be convenient if they rented a space that they could share together.
It’s something that they didn’t need to ponder on. Living in Seoul alone and building your career is tough but atleast it becomes bearable when you’re surviving there together with your bestfriend. They both decided to split their bills and expenses too. If time allows them as well, even though they both work at different companies, there are times that they go back home together just like how it went tonight.
That’s how it has been going for the them for the past year.
“Sorry about earlier.” Matthew said as soon as they went inside the apartment, with Hanbin following behind him. “If it ever made you uncomfortable in any way.”
Hanbin just casually grinned at him. “It’s okay. I get those teases from time to time with my officemates too whenever I mention your name.” Matthew stared at Hanbin for a little while, checking to see if he's even bothered with all the teasing.
“Everyone who knows you just finds it unusual that you haven’t been dating for quite some time now.” Hanbin’s frowned just merely hearing the word dating.
“It’s really not something that I’m looking for right now.” He heaved a sigh as he took off his coat and placed it on the sofa. “I don’t know, most of my time lately is just focused on work so I don’t think I could ever have time to even like someone.”
Even me? The voice at the back of Matthew’s head wanted to say that. Not that he has the courage to. Having his heart shattered for tonight once was enough.
“I thought you were finally seeing someone.” Matthew chuckled, finding Hanbin’s statement quite silly. “Based on your conversation with Keita earlier.”
“Nah. Probably the reason why Keita is just randomly pairing me with anyone that he knows just so I could finally date someone.”
He watched as Hanbin took off both of his socks after finding his own space in the living room. The older looked up at him after Matthew was just silently standing there in the middle, only the sound of the television that was echoing in their place.
“That’s something you shouldn’t rush anyway. The right person will come for you at the right time.” Hanbin told him sincerely.
“Yeah. I know.” It feels weird to be talking about something like this serious with Hanbin. Matthew knows that these conversations are inevitable, but he never wanted to escalate this discussion, especially that Hanbin might see through him and know about his unrequited feelings that he has been hiding for years.
“But until then, you have to bear with everyone’s teasing about our relationship.” Matthew jokingly told Hanbin, wanting to keep their conversation lighter. That’s what he was best at anyway, concealing his real feelings.
Matthew and Hanbin have acquaintances that know about their friendship and constantly teased them on how it might grow into something more, especially that they practically spend their lives together now. Matthew knows the place he has in Hanbin’s life, but he can’t help but wonder with the time that they’ve spent together now, with all the familiarity they have grown in each other’s lives, is it truly possible for two people live like this only platonically?
Especially with everything that’s in his life right now, Hanbin took a huge part of it.
Hanbin laughed at him as well. “Let’s just let them be. It’s not like one of us would fall for it anyway.”
Matthew didn’t want to stay long so he greeted Hanbin goodnight before entering his room, immediately jumping himself to bed and grabbed to hug a pillow so tight to ease the pain he’s feeling in his heart as Hanbin’s voice echoes in his mind.
Tears rolled in his eyes as he whispered to himself quietly.
“But I’ve already fallen for you, Hanbin. I’ve fallen for you so much and yet you couldn’t even see nor feel it.”