Work Text:
The alarm goes off, but you don’t do anything about it.
You’ve been up all night. Your heart’s been pounding nonstop. You couldn’t stop staring at the ceiling, being so nervous, and thinking about everything that could possibly go wrong… even you promised yourself when you enrolled your daughter in school that you wouldn’t get like this.
Now that your daughter’s first day of school has finally arrived, you’re much worse than you ever imagined you could be.
You turn slightly and see that Leon’s already awake. Just like you, he’s lying on his back, one arm under his head while he rubs his eyes with his other hand.
He sighs. You see him shift uncomfortably beneath the sheets that cover him from the waist down. You notice he’s far too tense, so you move closer to him and begin to stroke his bare chest, leaving a kiss on his shoulder.
“Are you asleep, love?” you whisper, even though you know perfectly well he’s not.
“No.”
“At least… were you able to sleep at all? Even just a little?”
“What do you think?”
You swallow and wrap your arms around him.
“What if—?”
“Don’t start thinking about those what ifs,” Leon interrupts in a much sharper tone than you expected. He turns toward you and kisses your forehead before hugging you, too. “Sorry for talking to you like that…” he apologizes. “It’s just that…”
“We’re overwhelmed,” you reply, smiling at him and kissing his lips. “A lot.”
“I’d say we’re scared, but if you can call it whatever you want. You know I’ll always—”
The crash that echoes from the room next to yours makes both of you sit up quickly, jumping out of bed and hurriedly putting on your pajamas.
“MOMMY! DADDY! I’M AWAKE! I’M READY FOR MY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!”
You see Leon roll his eyes, and a small smile forming on his face.
“Well, at least one of us three is excited about today…”
“And what did you expect?” you tell him while tying your robe and slipping on your house slippers. “That she’d be sad?”
“No, but I did expect her to be a little more nervous. You know that—”
Your bedroom door suddenly opens, and your daughter walks in without saying anything.
Her hair’s completely messy and full of little animal clips and glittery hair ties. She’s wearing the light blue dress with white polka dots you bought her… even one of the straps is slipping off her shoulder. The shoes she’s wearing are the same ones… except each one is a different color.
Not to mentions he’s already wearing her backpack and can’t stop bouncing.
“Good morning, sweetheart,” you say, crouching in front of her and kissing her cheek. “Wow, you really woke up early… You even got dressed by yourself.”
“Yes, mommy!” she says quickly, shouting, running, and throwing herself on your bed. “I couldn’t sleep… I was thinking that maybe my new teacher has a hamster in the classroom! And also about maybe my teacher teaches me how to add, and maybe it’s different from how daddy taught me to add… And…”
She talks so fast her words get tangled. You barely understand what she’s saying, but Leon and you can’t stop looking at each other and smiling.
“Easy, sweetheart... Breathe a little bit,” Leon finally tells her when he sees she’s starting to cough.
The girl dramatically takes a breath and lets it out the same way… and does it a couple more times before sitting on the bed, climbing on it, jumping a little (shoes included, of course), sitting down again, and climbing off.
“When are we going to go to school?!” she asks excitedly, grabbing the straps of her backpack.
“Have you brushed your teeth?” you ask while carefully removing all the accessories she put in her hair.
“Yes…”
“With toothpaste?” Leon adds, raising an eyebrow.
She doesn’t answer, but she smiles.
A lot.
Too much.
“Go to the bathroom with mom,” Leon tells her. “And brush your teeth with toothpaste.”
“Daddy… it tastes sooooo bad… Ugh.”
“Come on, princess…” you say.
The little girl gets moving and runs down the hallway until she reaches the bathroom. She grabs her little stool and carefully climbs onto it, standing much higher. As you step inside, yawning, you see her making funny faces at herself in the mirror.
“Mommy, do you think teachers get to school earlier because they live there? Or is it because they have to feed the school so it can work?”
You’re focused on fixing your daughter’s hair, but out of the corner of your eye you see Leon arriving and leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, already perfectly dressed in a shirt and jeans.
“Feed the school…?” your husband whispers under his breath, confused.
“Shut up…” you murmur.
“Do you think my teacher will like me?” the girl keeps talking. “Aunt Claire says I’m very nice, but uncle Chris says sometimes I’m very annoying and that I should be quieter. Oh! But aunt Jill says I’m very good at sharing… except when it’s my crayons. I don’t like lending my crayons to anyone. If I lend them, they get used up,” she adds.
“We can buy you more. That’s not a problem,” you tell her while starting to braid her hair.
“But they won’t be the same colors! Besides, my colors have glitter!”
“We can buy you glitter ones, sweetheart,” Leon assures her.
After a few minutes where your daughter continues rambling about everything that might happen on her first day of school and, unfortunately for Leon and you, making you both overthink even more about what could go wrong, her hair is finally perfect in a braid… and, of course, secured with one of the clips she had, a pastel pink one with a little giraffe on it.
Once you finish helping her brush her teeth (because, yes, the little one has refused to have breakfast several times even though Leon prepared her a peanut butter and jam toast), you all head to the kitchen.
The little girl sits in her usual seat while you prepare her lunch… even though you already had it ready from the day before.
You’re cutting an apple into pieces large enough when Leon steps beside you and opens your daughter’s lunchbox, placing it in front of you and pointing at the grapes that were already perfectly washed, cut, and seedless.
“You already packed fruit yesterday, love,” he says calmly, even though he clearly isn’t.
“She could choke on them.”
Leon looks down at the lunchbox, at the grapes, each one almost perfectly cut in half, and then looks back at you.
“You cut them in half. They’re big pieces. It’s the same way you always cut them here at home.”
“Still, she could choke…”
“Love, she’s 6 years old. It’s how she always eats grapes with us,” Leon repeats.
“But she won’t be with us. She’ll be alone, Leon. Alone.”
Leon is about to answer, but your daughter speaks before he can:
“Are you arguing quietly so I don’t notice and get sad?”
“No!” you say immediately, turning toward her.
“We’re not arguing!” Leon adds.
“Okay!” she narrows her eyes at you both, as if analyzing you… and then, smiles. “Can I tell you my plan for today?!”
“Plan for today…?”
“Yes, a plan!” the girl replies excitedly before you can ask what the plan is. “First, I go into my class and say, “Hello, I’m very happy to be here today!”, but I’ll say it quietly and not screaming because I don’t want to scare the other kids… And then I look for a kid who seems nice! How can you tell if a kid is nice?”
You move closer to her and kneel beside her, stroking her cheek.
“So… by seeing how they treat other kids, the teacher, or anyone who’s at school.”
“Okay!” she nods seriously. “If they share with other kids and speak nicely, they’re good. If they push and speak badly, they’re bad.”
“Well, they don’t necessarily have to be bad…” Leon gently corrects her, choosing his words very carefully. “They’re just… learning, just like you are. And, when you’re learning, sometimes you don’t do things right.”
The little girl thinks about it for a while before finally nodding again.
“Okay, daddy! If I see a kid pushing another kid or speaking badly to the teacher, I’ll tell them they have to do things the right way!”
You exchange a look with Leon, and you’re both thinking the same thing.
You’re raising her well.
You’re raising a wonderful daughter with incredible values.
Minutes pass, and several hours, too. With preparing your daughter’s lunch again, fixing her hair again because she had taken the braid out, making sure she has everything ready, getting dressed, Leon playing a little with your daughter and her dolls, and then checking again that everything is ready… it’s finally time to leave.
Your daughter stands by the door while you put on your jacket and grab your bag. She starts spinning quickly in front of you… until she stops because she gets a little dizzy.
Your chest tightens when you see she’s about to fall. You quickly grab her by the shoulders to steady her… and all she does is laugh.
“Don’t I look like a big girl, mommy?!”
You stop to look at her.
The backpack is too big for her. Her little fingers, just like before, are grabbing the straps tightly. Her eyes, blue like Leon’s, are wide open, and she closes them when you crouch down to her height and kiss her forehead. She’s smiling from ear to ear, with a couple of missing teeth that make her look even more adorable.
“You don’t look like a big girl: you are a big girl, sweetheart.”
Leon clears his throat and you immediately stand up, straightening your clothes. He takes a few steps toward you and wraps an arm around your waist, kissing your cheek despite your daughter’s complaints.
He opens the front door, letting your daughter and you walk out first, and then giving you a playful smack on your ass while he opens the car.
“Leon! Your daughter is right here!” you scold him as you walk together toward the car, hand in hand, until he opens the passenger door for you. He just smiles at you… and gives you another one you have no time to complain about.
Once you’re inside and both of you have checked (more than once) that your daughter has fastened her seatbelt, Leon starts the engine and heads toward the school.
“Sweetheart, do you remember what we talked about?” Leon says, looking at your daughter through the rearview mirror. “If you need anything…”
“Yes, daddy, I know! I tell my teacher!”
“And…?” you add, mimicking your husband’s gesture. “Do you remember the other thing we talked about?”
“If I miss you and get sad, I think that I’m only going to be at school for a little, and then you’ll come pick me up! And we can have ice-cream!”
You can’t help but get a little emotional hearing that.
“Oh! And I don’t have to forget that I have to be kind to everyone,” she adds.
Leon nods, smiling proudly.
After about ten minutes of driving, in which you don’t say much and instead sing your daughter’s favorite Disney songs, Leon finally looks for a place in the parking in front of the school.
You’re quite surprised that, even though there’s still about half an hour before classes start, it’s already full and you have to park a bit farther away.
You head toward the school calmly. Your daughter walks between you both, holding your hands. You can’t help but look at Leon, who seems to be analyzing everything in the smallest detail: how the children are running around, their parents crouching down to hug and kiss them… You also notice him seeing the teachers, who are chatting in a corner near the entrance.
You’ve known him for years, and by his body language you know he’s starting to get a little nervous.
Let’s just say… new experiences, especially those involving your daughter, aren’t exactly easy for him.
“Leon…” you touch his arm gently.
“Yeah. I know, sorry,” he quickly says, turning his attention back to you both. “It’s just…”
You feel your daughter squeeze your hand tightly. You glance at Leon’s hand and see she’s squeezing his too.
You assume it’s nerves, of course, even though she seems so excited and confident. It’s… inevitable, really, now that you’re only a few meters from the school entrance.
“Mommy, daddy… do you think I’ll already have a seat chosen? Or will I get to choose it? I hope they don’t put me next to someone who eats their boogers… And do you think my teacher drinks coffee in class? Aunt Claire told me adults drink coffee and kids can’t because they get nervous… Oh! I think I’m going to learn new things today. Maybe tomorrow I’ll know how to do those calculations that appear on the papers from your work! Those daddy sometimes forget at home!”
“Yeah, maybe,” Leon murmurs, trying not to laugh. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll even graduate early and end up working with us at the DSO.”
You give Leon a look.
“Just kidding…” he whispers, fully aware that sometimes his jokes sound more real than he thinks. “Seriously, you know I’d never let—”
“I forgot to show you my cartwheel!”
Before you can say anything, and before Leon can either, your daughter lets go of your hands, raises her arms, and does not one, not two, but three cartwheels right in front of you.
Leon keeps calling her name, telling her to stop… while you hope she doesn’t crash into anyone.
“I’m going to do that during the break!” she shouts, walking back toward you while fixing her hair.
“Sure, yeah… But be careful, sweetheart…”
Leon looks at you and sighs, trying to calm down as he places a hand on his chest and looks at you.
“She’s fine…” you murmur, even though you were certain something bad was about to happen.
“Yeah, but…”
“Daddy. Mommy… are you going to cry today?”
Your daughter smiles at both of you, though she seems a little more worried now… especially when neither Leon or you answer immediately.
“It’s okay if you cry! Mommy says it’s very good.”
Your husband crouches down to her height and gently holds her shoulders. The little girl opens her arms and wraps them around Leon’s neck, something that completely catches him off guard.
“You’ll do great, you’ll see,” Leon encourages her, lifting her into his arms, kissing her cheek, and setting her back down. Then he offers her one hand, and you do the same. Leon looks at you, and you can’t help getting emotional seeing how emotional he is. “Come on, let’s go. We’ll have to find your classroom, right?”
And that’s exactly what you do.
When you reach the door you’ve been told is her classroom, you see a woman, around thirty years old, approach you and greet you warmly.
You glance down at your daughter who, clearly, is more than impressed. She can’t stop smiling and bouncing excitedly between you until, after a few seconds, she decides to stand right next to her teacher.
“Good morning! I’m new in this class! You’re my teacher, right?” the woman nods. “Great! I really like cats and coloring, but sometimes I’m not very good at it. I also like doing addition with my daddy, and working in our garden with my mommy. Oh! And sometimes I also go with uncle Chris to the shooting range when he has to practice!”
“Hey!”
You immediately shout after hearing what your daughter just said. Leon wraps an arm around your waist and squeezes it to calm you down. You don’t calm down, of course, so you pretend you did: you put on your best smile for the teacher… who clearly doesn’t know what to do or say.
“Sometimes she likes to go with her uncle, yes…” you excuse yourself, without giving many more explanations.
“No problem, Mrs. Kennedy!” the teacher replies, a little nervous. However, both Leon and you are surprised that she already seems to know who you are. “I know about your work and honestly, I respect and admire what you do a lot. I mean… it was included in important information I needed to know about your daughter,” she adds when she sees you don’t seem to understand. Right, now you remember… You should have put down a fake job, but… “It’s a pleasure to meet you both, Mr. and Mrs. Kennedy. I can guarantee you that your daughter’s in good hands,” she smiles, then looks down at your daughter, who’s now hugging her leg. “Right?”
“Yes!” the little girl claps. “You can go now!”
Leon and you look at each other once more… and saying you are surprised by how determined she seems is, definitely, an understatement.
“What?” your husband says.
“You go to your work, and I go to mine!”
“Your… work?” you say now.
“Yes, mommy. You’re the one who always tells me that learning and studying is my job!”
Wow. You told her that when you explained she had to go to school just like Leon and you go to the DSO offices, meetings, different missions, and that’s why sometimes she has to stay with Claire… but you certainly didn’t think she would take you so seriously.
Resigned, and a little afraid you might start crying right there (which is the only thing you feel like doing), you kneel down and she walks toward you. You give her a very, very tight hug, which she quickly slips out of to go over to Leon, who places a kiss on her forehead.
After that, she goes inside the classroom with her teacher.
“Don’t worry about me! I’m a big girl! I love you, mommy and daddy! I’ll tell you all about my new friends when you pick me up!”
And after that, the teacher gives you one last smile before closing the door.
Leon and you remain in the hallway for a minute, not really knowing what to do. Most of the parents who have also left their children in their respective classrooms are already leaving the school, but you…
Suddenly, your husband takes your hand with a firmness that surprises you.
“Well… that’s it, I guess,” he says.
“She didn’t even hesitate about going in or not…” you reply. Leon makes you turn around and start heading toward the school’s exit. “Leon, it’s just—”
“No, I didn’t expect to see her so… happy. Like… so ready to start school.”
“I thought she was going to start crying, to be honest,” you admit, even though the one who now has tears in her eyes is you.
Leon can’t help but curve his lips slightly, leaning closer to you, pressing a brief kiss to your lips, and then another to your hand.
“That means we’ve done our job well, then. Even if we overthink too much sometimes.”
“Well… did you know I was just thinking that she could choke on the apple?” you say, feeling a little guilty. Leon is about to answer, but you cut him off. “Yes, yes, I know! I promise that, from now on I’ll overthink less… After all, we have a big girl, don’t we?”