Work Text:
Hop to It!
by LB Sternmacher
“This is hardly original, you know, Napoleon. In Finland…”
“Spare me the lecture, please, Illya,” Napoleon snapped. “Focus on the steps. Left tap, left tap, right tap, right tap, hop front, hop back, hop hop hop!”
The Russian agent glared at his partner in disbelief.
“You don’t seriously expect me to do this, do you?”
“You will do it. And you will damn well be happy doing it.”
The blue eyes directed invisible beams of scorching anger at the CEA. “Or what?”
“Don’t test me, tovarich. Assume the stance, now!”
“Do we have to?” Illya asked plaintively. “Can’t we get some junior agents to do this? It is beneath our…”
“Stop!” Solo snapped. “You WILL do this. Or I swear I will arrange for Angelique to drop her favorite pet spiders into your drawers…”
“How would she get to my desk?” Illya wondered, in spite of himself.
“Not those drawers,” Solo snarled threateningly. “Now put your hands on my hips and follow my lead.”
The Russian agent begrudgingly stood behind his partner and stiffly placed his hands on Solo’s hips.
“Okay, now, left tap, left tap, right tap, right tap, hop front, hop back --- Illya!”
“Sorry. I thought it was two forward, then back.”
“For a man who can recite pi to the 30th place without taking a breath, and who can easily defuse pretty much any kind of bomb unassisted, you are being intentionally dense. It’s a simple dance step. You executed more complicated moves at the dance class with Tavia…”
“I enjoyed dance moves with Tavia,” the Russian sulked. “Her hips are much more…”
“Stop!” Solo snapped again. “Time is running out. Let’s try it with the music.”
Napoleon placed the needle onto the Ray Anthony record on the turntable and the music started. “Okay. Starting position. And… left tap, left tap…”
“…right tap, right tap, hop front, hop back…”
“Hop. Hop. Hop,” Solo concluded. And again…”
They repeated the pattern for the duration of the recording, nearly three minutes. When the music stopped, Solo said, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“It is virtually identical to the Finnish letkajenkka which I encountered in my Navy days…”
Napoleon’s eye roll was nearly audible. “I don’t think that is why Mrs. Waverly has planned it for the Easter Egg hunt on Saturday. She just thinks it will be fun for the kids.”
“Must we wear those silly costumes, though? Seriously?”
“Show some backbone, Illya. There are worse things than wearing a bunny costume to a children’s event. The costumes are excellent cover for us as security, too.”
“Can we break for lunch? This bunny requires his carrots and lettuce…”
“Okay,” Napoleon chuckled. “Let’s go.”
On their way out, Illya said, “You know, Napoleon, I had a thought.”
“Uh oh.”
“No, I was thinking that the pattern of taps and hops could be incorporated into a useful code…”
“You are kidding. Only you would consider a bunny hop code.”
“Cryptography is a favorite hobby…” Illya replied as they boarded the elevator. “Creatively utilizing rhythmic patterns could allow rudimentary encrypted messaging…”
“Don’t you ever give it a rest?” Solo asked as the doors closed, already knowing the answer. His partner was a relentlessly energized bunny.