Work Text:
«The things that were lost and
The things that never change
Are glittering in this cruel sky
Hey, I wonder how long one lone person will yearn to become two...
The gentleness that you, who know nothing of it, gave to me
Is turning on a nameless light in the temple of my heart.»
[Kalafina - ARIA]
-ARIA-
“All her life she watched her brother and teacher give their love so freely to others, yet the love shared between a man and a woman always remained a mystery to her... What does such a love truly feel like, she wondered?”
[Nakatani - Twilight of the King].
It was in moments like these, when dawn began to color the skies with orange and blue, that Karen Page questioned whether her decisions had been the right ones, if her being back in San Francisco (despite all the chaos she still suspected existed in New York) had been the wisest thing for her to do, if leaving behind (again) all the people and memories that still lived in that chaotic city was the most logical thing to do, whether bringing Frank with her on her return (even if it was an extremely selfish act for some) had been the right decision.
Because she was aware that her decision had harmed Matt and the others in their crusade to end the Fisks and their tyranny.
[But she was also aware that she was allowed to be a little selfish and refuse to sacrifice Frank's existence, even if it was for the greater good of the city.]
Because she could remember the expression of disappointment that Matt Murdock had given her that morning shortly before boarding that bus to Montreal.
[But she also remembered how much her mind demanded (begged her) to return to a much safer place in the company of her beloved Frank.]
Because a part of her (at the end) knew that after so much pain, after so much blood, anguish and tears, she was aware that both Frank and herself deserved a break in a much better quiet place.
[Far removed from the violence and chaos of the Big Apple, far from the terror of feeling the shadow of death at their backs, quite far from the terrible idea of losing another one of her loved ones.]
She was so absorbed in her thoughts that her body gave a slight jump the instant that a peculiar bark interrupted them, that bark, which echoed again as soon as the dog seemed annoyed at not receiving the attention he expected, managed to elicit a laugh from Page, the same one that was accompanied by a gentle gesture that adorned the woman's features as soon as she bent down enough to pick it up (somewhat clumsily due to his size and movements) the puppy in her arms.
—Did the puppies grow that fast?—
She started laughing again as soon as she felt those energetic licks on one of her cheeks.
"Well, well... Weren't you supposed to be sleeping with Frank?”
It might seem crazy to others, but for the blonde it was quite normal to chat with that puppy she had been living with for at least a couple of weeks, that same dog who seemed to enjoy her attention so much that he kept wagging his tail and emitting the occasional endearing whimper, that adorable little animal that she never imagined she would ever own.
She had always considered herself a dog person, she had always wanted to have a sweet dog in her life, but life itself (and her disastrous luck) had repeatedly denied her that; perhaps that is why a look of surprise adorned her face that afternoon when she was greeted by that skinny puppy with disheveled, onyx-colored fur, the same astonishment continued as soon as she heard Castle's clumsy explanation and his excuses for not taking the animal to a shelter.
[Since, according to the older man's logic, the puppy was too energetic and seemed likely to be big when he grew up]
Although part of her suspected that it wasn't just about that.
[Since she knew it wasn't just that, the moment her gaze met those sad, brown eyes]
Those sad, brown eyes unconsciously ended up reminding her of the man with whom she slept in her bed every night.
[For she often noticed that fierce and somewhat sad look in Frank's eyes whenever their gazes met.]
Those brown eyes that seemed to be begging for affection and kind words, those brown eyes that ended up winning her over in the same way that Frank had done so many years before, those brown eyes that made her surrender and completely change her life almost two weeks ago.
Nearly two weeks of living with the curious puppy, almost fifteen days she heard those little claws echoing on the floor, from shuddering at cold noses sniffing her or warm tongues moistening her arms or face, about 360 hours of sharing her existence with the mischievous Lobo.
That puppy whose name was the same as that of the animal that had once dominated the valley of Currumpaw.
That puppy stopped licking and whining as soon as something (or perhaps someone) seemed to catch his attention in the distance.
That same puppy that, with a couple of enthusiastic shakes, made the woman finally put him down on the ground, that dog (who day by day ceased to be so small) that ended up stopping in front of the person who was slowly joining the scene.
That young little dog seemed to share the same excitement as her when Frank Castle's figure finally leaned against the kitchen door threshold. With that somewhat lazy expression typical of those who have just woken up, while she could see him play a little with the strands of his hair, those hairs that were beginning to grow long enough for her to tangle her fingers in them.
—Was it inappropriate to think about how much she would enjoy pulling his hair in a moment of passion?—
[Because that idea kept running through her mind]
In a similar way to how the man's gaze did, which didn't stray from the figure of the blonde.
This action caused her a peculiar embarrassment, causing Page's face to turn a faint pink, and that her right hand went towards that shirt she was using as temporary pajamas, in an attempt to cover a little more of the skin of her legs with it.
As if she were a shy young girl embarrassed by her nakedness after an intimate moment with her partner, and not a woman in her forties with trouble sleeping late.
[An adult woman who kept cursing inwardly for being so close to Frank's height and for the fact that the fabric couldn't cover more than it already did]
Trying to hide her embarrassment at feeling so watched, Karen just gave the other person a fleeting glance, while crossing her arms and tilting her head slightly to the left.
”You're supposed to be getting much more rest, Frank. What are you doing awake at this hour?”
Shit! That reproachful tone that had left his throat reminded him a little of his days in Vermont, those days of yesteryear when a younger (and much dumber) version of her would scold Paxton for spending money they hadn't counted on. Just as had happened a few springs ago.
The snort and the click of the tongue that Castle made in response to her question caused her to frown slightly, a sign that she might not like the answer he was about to give.
"Come on, you say it like I'm a little kid…”
“Not all your wounds have healed”
“But most of them have healed, so sleeping in doesn’t make much fucking sense…”
Hearing that caused the woman to frown again, somewhat frustrated by what seemed to her to be the start of a childish argument; while the puppy (oblivious to the silly human conflicts) merely wagged his tail energetically and moved between the pair, in what appeared to be an attempt to get affection.
"It makes sense when you're not as young as you used to be.”
"Are you calling me old, Page?”
“I’m telling you, neither you nor I are youngsters, Frank.”
“Exactly! I’m not a child who needs to rest.”
“Child or not, you need to recover”
“It’s not that big of a deal”
“Of course it is!”
"Why the hell do you care?!”
"Because it's about you, Frank, because you're the person I care most about in this damn world! Do you get it?!”
One, two, three, three seconds witnessed that embarrassing silence, that silence that ended with the pair of humans averting their gazes in embarrassment, that silence was broken by a couple of sharp barks from the puppy and by the unmistakable aroma of freshly brewed coffee.
Inwardly grateful for the interruption, Karen turned towards the coffee machine. In an attempt to hide the fact that saying those kinds of things still managed to make her blush like a schoolgirl about to go out with her crush; so, trying to distract herself from her more hormonal thoughts (could she call them that?), she devoted her attention to serving that drink in a couple of cups.
While she felt the cold nose of the little Lobo walking along for one of her calves.
[That coldness contrasted with Frank's burning gaze that she could feel fixed on her back]
That burning gaze that she (conveniently) decided to return for a few brief moments as she approached him to hand him that pair of cups, with a slightly more stoic expression on her face.
"Well, if you don't want to go back to bed, at least take this and come with me to the living room.”
The tone of false severity that left her throat (the one that camouflaged her own embarrassment) with unexpected naturalness, as natural as hearing a -Yes Ma'am- from Castle, as natural as her footsteps moving away from that kitchen while she felt the older man's footsteps begin to follow her.
As natural as it was for her to take the black-fur puppy in her arms, that same dog, delighted by the attention given, soon gave her a couple of warm licks.
"Don't get him used to your arms, Karen. That animal will keep growing, and in a couple of months you won't be able to do it anymore…”
Unable to stop herself, a smile appeared on the blonde's lips as soon as she noticed that hint of slight reproach in the man's voice.
[Was Frank jealous of "another male"? Even if it was an innocent puppy.]
The mere thought of it struck her as both adorable and funny.
"Well, I'll know when the time comes, right?”
With a more relaxed tone, a sideways glance at the other person, and with his feet stopping in front of the sofa in that living room, Page ended that brief chat; in the same way that she left the little animal on the floor and with a certain laziness (that which indicated to her that she hadn't the best rest) she sat down on the furniture.
Taking that hot cup as soon as Frank offered it back to her.
[Unspokenly enjoying the soft sofa padding and the warmth emanating from the man as soon as he sat down beside her]
Enjoying silently watching the little dog move in front of them with almost infinite energy, just to climb onto the same piece of furniture they were on.
[Silently enjoying the adorable way the puppy seemed to fearlessly demand a few caresses from that terrifying man who made the New York underworld peed themselves]
Silently enjoying being one of the few people on the planet who could see the man who the people called the Big Bad Punisher, give in to the puppy's cute demands and give a couple of gentle caresses under one of his ears.
[Enjoying in a way she couldn't describe that moment that felt so ordinary... So... Normal...]
So normal... That inevitably her stomach shrank deep inside her gut, faced with that brief (but very brief) thought that maybe she was living in a dream that was too vivid, and that sooner rather than later she would wake up to her horrible reality; in the same way that the air in her lungs became heavy at the thought that perhaps she didn't deserve that normally and tranquility, that others should enjoy the privilege of normality, others who should enjoy an ordinary life.
[Others like Kevin, others like Ben... Others like Foggy Nelson himself]
Others, like Frank himself…
[Others like Frank, because if it were up to her, she would give him a life far from the blood of violence]
And not an existence in which she almost lost him 45 days ago.
[An existence in which he could live a more mundane life with a soul as gentle as that puppy]
Because she could still remember that day when Matt (not without a certain disinterest) had let slip how much Frank seemed to enjoy the company of dogs.
[A much happier existence, an existence she wouldn't mind giving up if, by the crazy design of some supernatural being, she were to obtain it]
Because in the end, just as her father had told her many moons ago: Karen Page was destined to fuck everything for everyone else.
A gentle caress on her cheek brought her back to reality, a reality where Frank Castle's genuinely concerned expression was one of the few things she paid attention to.
A gesture almost identical to that which the scruffy-furred puppy seemed to have.
“Hey Karen, is everything okay?”
Listening to his nervous voice and noticing the expression that the older man accompanied with one or two caresses on her cheek, as if with that gesture he wanted to erase the wet trace that was now on her face.
—When did she start crying?—
“Yes… Yes, it’s nothing to worry about…”
She nodded, since her words were sincere about it, as if it was just her head playing a bad joke on her, because in the end it was just her mind sinking into a bunch of possibilities of things that would never come to fruition. Because it was a reality that she couldn't change destiny, because it was a fact that no supernatural being would come to give her any artifact with the power to change her own fate.
Because if that were the case, if there were some kind of object that could fulfill wishes... Perhaps she would end up discarding it. Because in the end, wanting to change her destiny wouldn't make much sense, because longing to change what her life had been until now would cause her to no longer be the Karen Page she was now.
Because if her destiny had changed, she might not have met the wonderful people and beings she knew. Because if her destiny were to change, her life might be completely different from what it is now.
Maybe she would be a little freer from pain or anguish.
[But maybe she wouldn't have the wonderful people in her life there, like Foggy, Matt, or Jess…]
Maybe her life would be quieter, more mundane, or ordinary.
[But maybe Frank wouldn't have crossed her path either, and that was unthinkable for her.]
Because it might sound a little stupid, but Karen Page wouldn't hesitate to give up anything that granted wishes if it meant she could keep Frank Castle in her life.
Because she loved Frank, much more than she could ever love the possibility of changing her fate.
Perhaps he was acting on impulse, but in the end her body moved by inertia, long enough for her lips to intertwine with his, long enough for her to taste the coffee on his lips, long enough to enjoy the warmth of the other, long enough for the lack of oxygen to make her separate from him.
[Although distancing herself didn't make her entirely happy]
"May I ask what all this is about?”
Castle's words (those that had a certain tone of confusion) managed to elicit a slight laugh from her and draw a faint smile on her lips.
The same laughter that she managed to hide with a shake of her head and a couple of caresses she dedicated to the other's face, as if confessing what was going through her thoughts was somewhat embarrassing.
[Because it was difficult for her to admit that whenever Frank was in the equation, she was much more spontaneous]
“Does there have to be a reason for me to do it?”
The flirtatious tone in Page’s voice seemed to have made the older man look away, with a faint blush rising on his cheeks, causing the smile that adorned her face to increase its width a little more, seemingly satisfied with the reactions she still provoked in Frank, while her fingers wandered over the other's chin.
She was enjoying, without openly admitting it, the sensation of that beard (which grew thicker every day) between her fingertips.
[Maybe it was a guilty pleasure, but she also found the "wild" appearance that Frank usually wore when he wasn't hunting, quite sexy]
She shamelessly enjoyed the slightly foolish expression she could see on the man's face at the touch of her fingers, that man who, under other circumstances, wouldn't hesitate to slit the throats of criminals.
[She would never admit it, but knowing that she had some control over the terrifying Big Bad Punisher gave her a rather peculiar pleasure]
Such a peculiar pleasure caused Karen to press her lips to his again in a much hungrier kiss, much more needy, a kiss where she seemed to be begging for that everyday life to last forever, a kiss that Frank returned without resistance, a kiss where their tongues fought for control, a kiss that caused her hands to begin roaming over each other's torso, in the same way that his hands began to wander over her waist under the fabric of that shirt, a kiss that led her to eventually position her body on top of his. A kiss that elicited a loud gasp from the blonde as soon as the older man's tongue began to slide along the curve of her neck without the slightest restraint.
A kiss that was interrupted as soon as the sound of breaking pottery and a couple of frantic barks broke the heated encounter.
[Since the small, mischievous Lobo had knocked over one of the long-forgotten cups on the table, apparently annoyed at being ignored by the pair of humans]
A kiss that ultimately ended in a couple of laughs from Castle and Page, as they felt the atmosphere broken by something as simple as it was hilarious.
[Apparently, they couldn't get affectionate without asking permission first.]
Without another word, the blonde sighed as she straightened her clothes and got up from that comfortable position.
“I guess we’ll have to clean up this mess.”
[And she cursed inwardly because the moment ended so abruptly]
“Yeah… And we’ll have to take the dog out too…”
[Silly puppy, couldn't you wait a little longer?]
"Yes... Although if you'd like, I can also add some more coffee.”
The silence that hung in the air for a couple of seconds made Page slightly nervous. Or at least it did until Castle's voice managed to send a shiver down her spine.
“Maybe… Just maybe, you could prepare something else to warm the body…”
Was he serious? Could it be him? The direction her thoughts were taking made her blush, in a similar way to how the man seemed to do it, as if they were both a couple of immature, hormonal youngsters.
“Okay...”
“Okay”
[If any supernatural entity was manipulating their destinies, it was undoubtedly a rom-com-loving bitch.]
The rest of the morning was definitely going to be interesting.