Work Text:
The day of the funeral, he felt nothing. A hollow emptiness deep inside his bones. He felt disgusting. His suit clung to his body like a lifeline and he was suffocating. It wasn't supposed to be like this. His Tyler was dead. Gone. Why? Oh God why? He had loved him. He had done everything he could to try and help. Now his best friend was lying silently in a coffin, unmoving, unbeknown to the pain he was feeling.
In the car, nobody talked. Nobody dared to. His tears were silent but everybody could see them. His parents patted him on the back, "he's okay now. He's better". His siblings gave him long hugs, saying nothing. Tyler's parents cried with him, hugging him close and tight.
His best friend had taken his own life. He took those pills knowing the pain he'd cause to everyone else he'd leave behind. He took all those pills and he wasn't there to stop him. Josh didn't think he was selfish. Of course not. Tyler was just troubled and didn't know how to ask for help. Josh knew deep down that Tyler had never meant to cause this much pain, he just never knew the feelings that he hid deep inside. Joshua had never had the courage to speak of those feelings to Tyler, and he regrets that, but he could at least try to shift some of those regrets off his chest by telling these people here now. And Tyler's dead body. When it was his turn to speak the tears previously flowing had dried up. He rung his fingers together nervously.
He stepped up, looked around at all the glassy eyes of Tyler's family and felt his lungs constrict and throat burn up.
"Uhm I'm Josh and I was Tyler's best friend. He and I shared everything from pizza to late night thoughts. I knew that he struggled a lot but I always tried to help and he'd give me that stupid crooked smile and a 'thanks Jishwah' and he'd return to his normal bubbly self. I loved Tyler. Through everything he was going through, I was there. I loved his stupid crooked smile and his delicate singing voice and every little weird quirk of his. He helped me find inspiration in everyday life. He was my purpose. He took all those pills and I wasn't even there to stop him from dying. And now that he's gone I feel like there was some unsaid words between us and I regret that more than anything. I was in love with him. Everything felt right with him. And I just hope wherever he is now, he's okay."