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Loneliness is a concept far from foreign to Itadori Yuji.
It crept up on him every morning when he’d watch his classmates head to school together and every night his call of ‘I’m home’ went unanswered. The feeling would claw away at his chest so insistently that somedays, smiling was too much of a hassle.
Yuji knew it was because he wasn’t really trying. Since, honestly, he wasn’t unpopular. He knew people warmed up to him quickly. Yet, letting any of them in always felt like a line Yuji wasn’t ready to cross. So, his school life adhered to a pretty consistent schedule.
He’d wake up early in the morning to make breakfast for his grandpa-because the old man hated hospital food with a passion, and he would refuse to eat until something else was available (namely, Yuji bringing food over). He’d then head to school after dropping the food off, going through the motions of the day. Yuji makes a point of ignoring the pitying looks his teachers give him whenever they spot him in the hallways, directing his thoughts to dinner ideas and homework.
His stubbornness in regards to visiting his grandfather after school was well known in the hospital. Yuji knows all the nurses in his grandpa’s wing by name, and its hallways will forever be etched into his brain. The nurses appreciated his visits more than his grandfather. Yuji couldn’t recall a time when he wasn’t greeted by a scowl on the old man’s face. But he knew his grandfather- he appreciated the visits deep (deep, deep) down.
By the time Yuji would reach home, threads of gold were already fading into black. Dinner was never a fancy affair-not since his grandfather was admitted at least. He’d whip up a fast meal and leave the dishes in the sink to wash the following day.
(Yuji tries to push down memories of the old man sitting him down on the kitchen table, trying to teach the then 6-year-old hyperactive boy how to make dumplings. Yuji’s looked like they’d been kicked around a football field, and his sweater was spotted with the most random of stains. And yet, grandpa told him they were some of the best dumplings he’d ever had.)
When he lays in bed, he stares at the walls in his room until his eyelids became too heavy. The quiet never lulled him to sleep soundly.
Itadori Yuji wasn’t a stranger to loneliness, he wishes he had the courage to be.
***
As a result of his living situation, Yuji had to cook for himself more often than not. At first, he would’ve preferred to order in and call it a day. But it quickly became apparent that his strategy would end up ruining him financially in the near future. So he sucked it up and learned a few recipes to sustain himself (and his grandfather).
However, Yuji grew to surprisingly love cooking. It gave him something to look forward to and pass the time with. He liked being able to feed himself and to create meals suiting his taste. Sometimes, the teen would make a couple of extra lunchboxes for his classmates-something that had quickly become keenly anticipated by them. To Yuji, cooking was a way he could take care of others and himself. It made him feel useful.
He tried baking a couple times, which was not very successful. Turns out that it’s a much more precise art than cooking. He wasn’t THAT horrible at baking, but seven times out of ten, the product is likely to be burnt.
(Okay maybe it wasn’t Yuji’s strong suit.)
The point is, working in the kitchen was therapeutic to Yuji. Being productive eased his nerves, and he liked to imagine the satisfied look of the people eating his food as he cooked. Not to mention, it got his grandfather off his back most of the time if he had an offering of food with him. So yeah, Yuji liked cooking.
***
Yuji doesn’t think he ever felt this numb.
The nurses had to gently pull him out of his stupor a few times as he filled out the hospital forms. It felt like his brain had quite literally shut down. He knew it was coming, he knew it. His grandfather was a sick, old man. The doctors have anticipated it, they’d warned him. Yuji only wished he had a little bit more time.
(He was finally and truly alone now. No one he called family will ever attend his graduation or his wedding, no one will grieve at his funeral.)
What was he supposed to do now?
***
After an interesting incident, it seemed like Yuji would be staying at Jujutsu High for the foreseeable future. The teen truly cannot comprehend how this turned out to be his life, but it wasn’t like he had anything else going on. At least he has purpose now.
(The teen could do without the demon in his head though.)
Gojo -his new teacher, apparently- was not around for a little while after all the first years joined, and in the meantime, they developed a routine of sorts. Yuji wakes up first, and starts on breakfast for his classmates. Fushiguro usually joins him in time to set the table, and Kugisaki comes out just as the food starts to cool.
Kugisaki is not a morning person, so she spends breakfast grumbling about being awake. Yuji refilled her juice whenever she looked particularly murderous. The girl never complained about any food, but Kugisaki usually liked non-traditional dishes more. Fushiguro leaves the talking to them, which is not unusual. Yuji discovered that the boy was a surprisingly picky eater. And was obsessed with ginger, for some reason.
Yuji noted it all for future reference.
The three of them did not have much to do without their teacher around. Yuji spent his time pestering Fushiguro with questions about the jujutsu world, fighting with Kugisaki over her movie taste and walking around the campus.
Dinner was an affair.
It was mostly due to the two facts that: Kugisaki is stubborn, Fushiguro is petty. After the first time Yuji made breakfast, food duty implicitly became his. That, he had no problem with. Dealing with his classmates as they fought over what they should have for dinner, however, was not what he signed up for. It starts with Kugisaki suggesting some dish or the other, and then Fushiguro - Yuji swears he does it just to be contrary- suggests a dish so fundamentally different that a compromise was truly impossible.
By the time they’re done arguing, the food is ready. Yuji ends up choosing the dish he likes better amongst their suggestions. They have a tally where they count whose dishes have been chosen more. It remains in an eternal tie. Yuji denies their accusations of doing it to keep the peace and ‘not actually choosing the superior opinion.’
For the few nights they got to sit down and have dinner together, Yuji thought that for the first time in years, the ache of loneliness in his chest loosened.
Then they went on their first mission.
Then Yuji died.
Wonderful.
****
Gojo has an insane appetite for sweet food.
A fact Yuji came to learn when he had to live with his teacher as he pretended to be dead. It seemed like Gojo lived on takeout, something Yuji could not blame him for, given how little time the man actually had to himself.
He never looked tired; never said he was either. If anything, he acted like the total opposite. But Gojo Satoru was still human, as far as Yuji was aware, and no human could work the number of hours his teacher did without it draining them one way or the other.
Yuji decided if he was imposing on the one place his teacher could rest, he might as well become useful. When he wasn’t training, he was going around doing random chores, which weren’t many due to the fact that it was basically just the teenager living there. Yuji also made it his mission to feed his teacher actual, nourishing food.
Honestly, the boy doesn’t understand how the man made it this far in life primarily consuming dessert.
His mission began by learning as many dishes that were sweet in nature, but did not cause you to crash from the amount of sugar in them. Sweet and sour sauce, you will always be famous to 15-year-old Itadori Yuji living with Gojo Satoru.
The first time he’d actually cooked dinner for the two of them, Yuji thought he crossed a boundary without meaning to, as his teacher stared at the plate in front of him for ten minutes straight without saying anything. Even Sukuna got antsy.
(“Oi, six-eyes, have you gone mute?” Sukuna said, calling Yuji a coward in his head for refusing to say a word. Yuji slapped the mouth on his cheek, even though by now, he knew it was pretty useless to do. If Sukuna wanted to be annoying he would be. The curse’s voice snapped his teacher out of his trance, at least.)
“Yuji-kun!” Gojo said with a blinding smile, “You did not have to do this for me!” before the boy could reply, the older man stuffed his mouth with a bite. His chewing paused momentarily, Yuji panicked, “oh my god sensei, I’m sorry, is something wrong with the food?” Gojo shook his head, “It’s sweet” he said plainly. Yuji scratched the back of his head and chuckled nervously, “yeah! I thought that you liked eating sweet things, sensei.”
Gojo tilted his head, as if confused. “You made dinner sweet, because I like it that way?” he asked the teenager. “Um,” Yuji stuttered, “y-yeah? you really need to eat actual food, sensei. I thought this would make it easier for you? Did-did you not like it?” His teacher grinned at him, and ate another spoonful. “I love it, Yuji-kun!” his smile then softened, “Thanks, that was thoughtful of you.”
Yuji let out a breath of relief, and returned his teacher’s smile. “Of course, sensei! It really wasn’t a big deal! I have like, a bunch of recipes I want to make for you to review!” Gojo gasped, “So I’m nothing but a lab rat to you, Yuji?!” The man then laughed loudly at the panic that started to creep onto the boy’s features.
The dinners he had while pretending to be dead became warmer after that.
(Nanamin joined them sometimes, later on. “I never thought I could respect you any less,” he’d tell Gojo, “but you are literally having a high schooler cook your dinner.” Gojo smirked, “Technically he cooked your dinner too!”
Nanamin’s eye twitched. “Itadori-kun,” he addressed the teenager, “blink twice if you need me to help you escape this hell.” Yuji could only laugh.)
****
After the exchange event, Yuji realized that the second years have become a staple in his classmates’ day to day. He could see why; they were great and far more helpful than the teachers here. Not Gojo-sensei though, he was awesome!
(Sukuna scoffed at him, “One could argue the six-eyes is the most useless.” Well, one could argue that a cannibalistic maniac is not entitled to an opinion.)
One afternoon, Yuji, Fushiguro and Kugisaki were hanging out in Fushiguro’s dorm. “Itadori!” Kugisaki suddenly burst out, startling Fushiguro into dropping the book he was reading, “Who’s your favorite second year?” Fushiguro rolled his eyes at her and shifted his focus back to the book, as if he witnessed this situation a million times.
Yuji, thankfully, had already thought about this before. Kugisaki is not known for her patience. “Oh, Maki-san!” he replied excitedly, “she’s super cool! even though she can be kinda scary sometimes…” he trailed off. “Wait, actually??” Kugisaki asked, as if his answer shocked her, and even Fushiguro broke his focus to stare at him incredulously. “What? I thought you guys liked her!” Yuji said, confused by their reactions.
Fushiguro shook his, “It’s not that,” he said, “we just did not expect her to be your favorite.” Kugisaki nodded, “Also we can’t both have the same favorite senior, because I do not accept the fact that our preferences could ever intersect.” Yuji rolled his eyes, feeling offended for no apparent reason. “I bet I’m Maki-senpai’s favorite first year,” he said.
Fushiguro actually laughed at him.
Kugisaki had to leave the room because she couldn’t get her breath under control.
Yuji sat there; eyes wide as he watched. He swears he doesn’t deserve such mockery.
Maki was easy to find because she was usually on the training grounds. She was also always down for a spar. Yuji liked sparring with her because she -much like him- depended on her physical prowess. Their situations were not exactly the same, but Yuji finds himself looking up to her nonetheless. Also, no one shuts up Fushiguro and Kugisaki faster than her, which will always be hilarious to witness.
“Maki-senpai!” Yuji called out smiling, “is it alright if I joined you?” Maki dipped her head in acknowledgment, “I’m wrapping up here, so one round only.” Yuji nodded enthusiastically, “Sure, I don’t mind!”
Maki won, as she usually does in their first round. “Your form isn’t as horrible as usual,” she complimented-or, he thinks that’s a compliment? “Thanks!” he replied brightly. The second year rolled her eyes, “come on, we’re having fried chicken for lunch.”
By ‘we’ Yuji assumed she meant the second years, because his fellow first years (traitors) said they’d get pizza when he told them he won’t make lunch if they continue bullying him.
“Awesome!” Yuji said and hurried to follow her. And then a thought occurred to him “Wait, can Panda-senpai eat fried chicken?” he asked, confused. Maki snorted, “Please tell me you know that he isn’t an actual panda.” When the silence stretched, Maki looked back at him. “Itadori, you know that he is a cursed corpse, right?” Yuji chuckled sheepishly, “Yes? It’s just hard to remember sometimes?” Maki scoffed a laugh.
When they entered the school, Maki told him to ‘wait in the kitchen or something’ until she showered and got the others. Which Yuji thought was obvious given the fact that he’s making lunch, but his earlier question probably did not do him any favors.
Yuji’s fried chicken recipe was actually one of his favorites, he made it so often he’s confident he’d be able to prepare it blindfolded. The kitchen -as always- was stocked with everything he needed. They even had precut chicken. So, by the time the second years came in, Yuji was waiting on the first batch to finish cooking.
(If only he had time to properly marinate the chicken, oh well.)
“Hey guys!” he greeted them, “don’t worry, this batch is almost done cooking!” The three of them blinked at him, “Itadori,” Maki said slowly, “When I said we’re having fried chicken, I meant we were ordering it. From a restaurant.” Inumaki nodded along, “Salmon.”
Now, Yuji was confused. “If you didn’t want me to make it, why’d you tell me?” his seniors traded looks, “to eat with us, obviously?” Maki replied. Yuji blinked, “Oh.” He shuffled awkwardly, “right, sorry haha, you guys should still order if -” Panda interrupted him with a chuckle, “No need to wait for delivery If this is almost ready, Itadori.”
Maki scowled and took a seat on the kitchen table, “this better be good, I’ve been craving something greasy for so long.” The other two followed her lead and Inumaki looked at Yuji warmly, “Tuna mayo,” he said. He really has a way with words.
Honestly, Itadori is a little overwhelmed, and confused. The oven alarm distracted him fast enough, saving the boy from embarrassing himself any further. He plated the chicken and placed it on the table. Maki was the first to grab one and taste it. She looked at the chicken in apparent confusion. “Itadori,” she addressed him, “I hope you understand that you’ll be cooking all our meals from now on.”
Yuji blushed while Panda and Inumaki chuckled around their own food. “I mean, I already make the three of us food so-” then, an idea popped in his head. “Maki-senpai,” he addressed her seriously, “would agreeing to this be worth a small favor?” Maki raised her eyebrows in disbelief, “I did not see this coming from you Itadori,” she then smirked, “I like it, what do you want?”
later that night, the first year’s group chat exploded after Yuji sent a voice note. It was not him speaking in it, though. “Itadori is my favorite first year, losers,” came out Maki’s voice.
Ha, he wins this round.
***
Itadori Yuji sometimes sat back and watched his friends as they bickered and enjoyed themselves, and found himself dreading his looming execution.
He does not regret the decision to host the king of curses, he would do it every time if it meant saving more people. But it eats at him, that the one time Yuji felt he found people he was ready to let in, Yuji’s presence would only ever be a brief incident in their lives.
He doesn’t like such bitter, selfish thoughts. He is grateful to everyone in Jujutsu high beyond belief. His questionable decisions are not their fault, and they were not responsible for his feelings. Occasionally, to feel better about himself, Yuji blames these ideas on Sukuna.
Sukuna enjoys it, of course. The teenager thinks his miserable thoughts are pretty much a sitcom to the curse. “I wonder,” he’d asked Yuji in an amused tone, “how your little friends would feel if they realized how forlorn and glum your thoughts are?” The teenager did not respond, he did not need to for Sukuna to let out a snarky laugh.
Well, Sukuna can enjoy these small lapses as much as he wants. Because at the end of the day, he loves his friends to death. He’d never known what true happiness meant before he got to know them. He trusts them to have his back no matter what.
Yuji knows now, he has people who would grieve his death, even if it would be for a short while.