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One is the loneliest number…
I, Mark Watney, survived my death trip to mars. Only to come back to the end of the world…
Just my fucking luck.
Apparently, when the Ares III was being sent back to mars, they discovered the sun was going to die.
Actually scratch that- that it WAS dying.
And they never told us.
They told the world I was alive, and at the same time, sent a probe to the Petrova Line, millions of miles in the opposite direction, and something we had never thought would amount to this.
When we land, they use us as a distraction from the end of the god damn world, I'm sure. But it's where I meet Him. Ryland Grace is the most brilliantly stupid man I have ever met, and that says something. When I meet him, he's standing behind the new head of every god damn space agency on the planet, Eva Stratt and playing with a rickety pair of glasses.
They don't tell us what will happen going forward, and I don't really know if I want to understand.
Two can be as bad as one…
He's a middle school teacher, and he was one who named the thing eating the sun- Astrophage… I don't think he was supposed to tell me that, but I offered to get a drink with all of the scientists and eggheads who helped get me off of Mars, so he came. He joined the project to try and help the sun, and firmly believes water isn't necessary for life to form.
I don't know if I agree, I know my potatoes definitely fuckin’ dont. But he's wicked smart, in another lifetime, I think he could have been on mars with us. I don't think he ever really expected to get back into science like this. Melissa likes him too, but her and the others are busy with their families, with their lives.
Part of the reason I was up there was because I didn't have anyone. I think Dr. Grace is like that too. He’s too scared to want anything besides what he has. Dr. Ryland Grace loves his kids almost more than he loves himself, that's really the only reason he wanted to help solve this problem. I commend him on that, albeit I don't really know what they plan to do.
They do get us to help train some of the other new astronauts, considering we were so far from earth so long, we had some of the best advice for long distance space travel. I dont really know any of their plans, which thanks a fucking lot, very helpful for your teachers to not know whats going on, but I guess its important? I dont know why they dont just send one of the Hermes crews… but it's not my job to know, is it?
"No" is the saddest experience you'll ever know
I don't see him often, which is surprising because we are all on this one huge ship floating around the pacific, but when I do he's focused on helping teach the new astronauts. I made fast friends with the engineer and pilot they have chosen, Olesya Ilyukhina. She's funny as hell and honestly I think she’s a great choice for this… whatever it is.
I don’t know if he notices that they chose me to help teach, something about surviving longer with less… I don’t know why they need that, but whatever. They seem to be in good enough spirits when not actively being taught.
I assumed that Dr. Grace teaches the about the astrophage, because all six of the new astronauts, along with just about half of the ship, disappears somehow, usually for hours at a time.
Every time I went to ask, I was always told I dont have a high enough clearance- this shit is starting to piss me the fuck off. Why take me here, drop me in the middle of the pacific, only to not tell me jack shit?
I was at the bar, enjoying a glass of some of their weirdly expensive alcohols, and moping about the fact that I'm being ignored when he sits down next to me. I look over and give him a halfhearted smile.
“Damn, you look like shit,” I say, and it's not untrue.
“Watch your language,” He says, and it sounds automatic, before he blinks and shakes his head. “Sorry, you're right, it's been a long few months. You're Mark Watney, right? Im Dr. Grace, it's nice to meet you.”
I hold my hand out and we shake. He tells me he's the lead researcher, and he's helping prep the crew. For what, he still won't say, but still.
“Honestly, I don't know why they need me, albeit yes I was stuck on mars, but how is that applicable to going to Venus?”
His face twitches at that, and he just breathes in sharply. “Ask Eva Stratt, this is her boat after all.”
I run a hand down my face, and shake my head. “I have, thank you. I don't know why any of us are here.”
“You're here to talk about your experience on a ship long term, as well as how being alone for an extended time affected you, Mr. Watney,” Says a cool voice from behind me, and I just sigh into my glass.
“You could at least tell me the name of all of this-” and I turn around and wave my arms about. “All this shit doesn't feel great when you've just returned to earth after being injured and trapped in space.”
“Your teaching for project Hail Mary, and simply, that is what you will do, Mr. Watney.” She says, before walking away.
I shudder slightly, and look at Ryland. He doesn't look me in the eyes, but I just put a crooked smile on my face.
“Well, she's chipper.”
He swivels his head and if he could kill me with a look, I think he would. I immediately start to laugh, and that shocks him more, before I actually see him smile.
We hit it off immediately.
Yes, it's the saddest experience you'll ever know
We get a year and a half together stationed on Stratts Vat, before the world begins to hear of what they are actually planning. Before long I understood what I was actually helping with.
This is a suicide mission, not to Venus, not to the sun, but to an entirely different star. Fourteen light years away from earth, and really with only enough fuel to reach, and get information-if any- before sending probes back.
We are sending three people to their deaths. After all of this was up, we would never see them again- I would never again talk to Ilyukhina, or Yáo, or DuBois.
We had a fight about this, I didn't agree with it, but Ryland- god he didn't know what else to do. I didn't see him for weeks, and not long after, we were all sent back to Florida where they were assembling this ship.
When I did see him again, he looked so, so much more tired. Telling me something about how DuBois and his second choice were dead- that they didn't have a science officer.
I didn't like the look in his eyes, but I told him anyway, that we could watch the launch together, toast their lives, and the good thing they were doing. And I told him all I wanted was for him to sleep.
It's just no good anymore since you went away-
When Ryland didn't show up, I was concerned and worried and I texted and called. He never picked up, and he never would, not for the rest of time.
I watched the ship on my TV, and frowned. Only two walked on, there were three spots on that ship, and two of those candidates died.
Now I spend my time just making rhymes of yesterday…
Eva Stratt told the world he went by his own choice. I don't fucking believe her. If he had gone, he would have said something, he would have told me that this wasn't working out-that he didn't love me.
That he was sorry, and that he would miss me.
He did none of those things, he didn't even tell me goodbye.
I am alone again, and unlike mars, there's no-one coming to save me, because he's thousands of miles away from the earth and only getting further. I'm alone again, because the one person I wanted to be with, I will never see again.