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Avery logged onto Minecraft to find Derek already online, as usual. The man often played by himself, building, exploring, or whatever he did. Derek had once told him the game felt like an escape, a place where he could forget the stress of the real world.
They had met in their first year of college in an engineering class. At first, Avery didn’t like Derek. The guy kept correcting him on things; almost seemed like he was nothing more than dry wit.
But the more they talked, the more Avery learned about him.
Turns out Derek just didn’t like talking about himself and hobbies. Knowledge was easier for him. Avery, though, was constantly talking. He talked about anything and everything. Derek would listen quietly, occasionally adding context or chidding Avery not to speak during the lecture so he could pay attention. The professor never cared, though.
After a while, they became close friends.
Along the way, though, that line between friends and something more became a bit… hazy.
“Hey, Avery, you there?” Derek’s voice broke through Avery’s thoughts. Derek’s voice sent a pleasant shiver down his spine.
“Yeah, I just got distracted.” Avery spoke into the microphone.
“You're always getting distracted,” Derek chuckled.
Oh god, his laugh. Avery loved that laugh. He wished he could listen to it for hours.
“Anyways, you still up for coffee later?” Derek asked.
“Yeah, of course! I was actually gonna ask if you wanted to go now instead?”
“Oh, yeah uh- that’d work for me. Did something come up?”
“Um- well- Not really I just-” Avery chuckled nervously. He felt heat rising in his cheeks that he was very glad Derek couldn't see. “I just um… wanted to see you sooner.”
Derek was quiet for a moment, the only sign he was still there was his Minecraft character still placing blocks for their house.
Great, he hates you now and you’ll never see him again and you should just leave the game already cause there’s no way-
“Okay. So… you mean, right now now, or um…?” Derek said.
Avery sighed internally.
“Yeah, if that’s okay with you. If not, our usual time is fi–”
“No, ah… Right now is good. I’ll see you there, then?” Derek paused his building and turned his character toward Avery.
“Yeah, yeah. Uh- see you there.” Avery watched as the pixelated knight crouched a few times in a goodbye before disappearing.
He sat back in his chair, just staring at his mouse hovering over the ‘disconnect’ button for a moment. He couldn’t help the silly grin on his face, thinking about being with Derek, staring at his pretty smile, hearing his laugh that felt like the closest he’d get to heaven. All normal things to think about a friend, though, obviously. Or at least, that’s what Avery continued to tell himself.
Avery got to the coffee shop almost 10 minutes late even though it’s just down the street from his house. Like usual. There were a lot of people there today, which was unusual. Though Avery had no trouble finding Derek in the crowd, sitting by the window in their usual spot.
Avery grinned as he walked over to his friend and sat down. Derek already ordered, no doubt knowing exactly what Avery had wanted.
“Hey! I got you that cookie dough Frappuccino you said you wanted to try last week. The line was getting long so I just ordered. I hope that’s alright.” Derek slid a sugary drink across the table to Avery.
“Thanks, Der!” Avery sat down and took a sip of what barely classified as coffee anymore with all the whipped cream piled on top. Just how he liked it. Avery glanced up at Derek, who took a sip of his own drink- likely a very plain latte or tea.
They sat there for about 10 minutes, Avery talking about anything that came to mind, Derek nodding along. Though he didn’t say anything, Avery could tell Derek was a little… stressed, probably with all the people here. The man never liked crowds.
“Man, there’s so many people here today… Wanna go back to your place or something?” Avery offered, playing it off casually.
Derek was clearly grateful to get out of there.
They walked back to Derek’s rather spacious apartment, Avery talking most of the time. When they finally got there, sitting side by side on the couch, Derek seemed more relaxed. Avery was quiet for a moment, a soft smile on his lips as he half-listened to Derek saying something about the new Minecraft update soon. Something about sulfur.
Avery just stared into Derek’s pretty hazel eyes, not listening at all anymore. He wished he could have this all the time. Just watching Derek talk with that faint glint in his eyes. It wasn’t often Avery saw the other man so relaxed, talking animatedly about something he liked. Derek rarely spoke about himself.
“Avery.”
“Huh?” Avery hadn’t realized, but Derek had stopped talking almost a minute ago.
“You were staring,” Derek said, a faint pink in his cheeks– wait a damn minute. Was Derek blushing? God, he was pretty when he blushed.
That’s a normal thing to think about your friend, right? No, probably not.
Avery forced himself out of his thoughts. “Was I? I didn’t uh... I didn’t notice.” Bullshit.
“Avery… Can I– can I ask you something?”
“Um… s-sure.” God, when did Derek get so close? Avery felt warm, a fuzzy feeling in his stomach. Was this what people meant when they said ‘butterflies in your stomach’? Yeah, Avery had a bad case of butterflies.
“Can I…” Derek trailed off, taking a rather unsteady breath. “Can I kiss you?”
Avery’s heart fluttered in his chest. If he didn’t have butterflies in his stomach before, now he did.
“Sure…”
And then Derek was leaning closer, and their eyes closed and-
“Avery.”
“Wh-”
A v e
r y
T h i s
I s n ‘ t
R e a l
”WAKE UP.”
And Derek was gone, and everything was black and-
Pain.
A sharp, searing pain flared up in his back.
No, it… it settled in gradually.
Avery opened his eyes. The bright light of his computer screen was all he could see. He was. He was lying on the floor. On his back. That’s why his back hurt.
His cheeks were stained with tears he didn’t remember shedding, like his body knew something he didn’t. His stomach hurt in that burning way, when you haven’t eaten all day. His limbs felt like jelly. And like rocks. Like both at the same time. Avery tried to stand. He reached for his office chair in support before sitting down in it. He stared at the screen.
YOU DIED
RESPAWN
DISCONECT
That… that had all been a dream.
No. No, no no no no no.
This wasn’t– this wasn’t right. It– Derek– Oh god.
Derek.
Derek was dead.
Derek was dead, and there was nothing he could do.
The King took over his mind. The King destroyed him. And Derek saved him.
Derek saved everyone.
Hot tears poured down Avery’s cheeks. Few, scattered drops to a full-on sob.
“No… no no no no no no no… Derek…” Avery mumbled between shaky, violent gasps for air. “Fuck.” He brought his hands up to his face, wiping tears and snot with the backs of his hands.
Avery lunged for the small trash can by his desk, falling from his chair once again as he felt bile claw up his throat. He heaved out the few contents of his stomach. His body shook, muscles sore. Tears kept streaming down his face. He couldn’t stop the damn tears.
Why had Derek hit him off the edge? Why couldn’t they have suffered together? Why did he leave Avery- leave him to feel like this?
Fuck.
Avery wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He forced himself to his feet, body screaming at him to just lie down and give in. He made his way to the bathroom in his small apartment.
He blinked back tears, it did nothing.
The water was rushing, he was rinsing his hands and mouth.
He clumsily made his way to the kitchen, grabbing a protein bar and a Gatorade. He forced himself to eat and drink something, the contents burning on their way down his throat. His stomach threatened to empty its contents once more, but he forced it down this time.
Avery was exhausted. Physically and mentally. The tears had slowed to a steady, constant stream. But they wouldn’t stop. His face felt dry despite the constant moisture. He made his way back to his bedroom, staring at the computer screen.
Instead of respawning or disconnecting or any of that shit, he left it there. He didn’t close it. He couldn’t bring himself to. What if that world, his only connection to Derek, would disappear if he closed it? He left it running, the recording still going too.
Avery lay down on his bed, the hum of the computer fan doing nothing to drone out his thoughts. Instead, he gave in to sleep.