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The Avengers’ communal floor was, for all intents and purposes, a battlefield. But the most grueling conflict wasn’t the occasional alien invasion or the billionaire ego-clashes between Stark and whoever dared to disagree with him. No, the most exhausting part of being an Avenger was living in the proximity of Yelena Belova and Kate Bishop.
It had been eight months since they started "working together," though everyone else called it "cohabitating in a state of mutual obsession."
"I am not watching *The Parent Trap* again, Kate Bishop. It is propaganda," Yelena stated, her fork hovering over Kate’s plate as she deftly swapped a piece of her broccoli for one of Kate’s tater tots without looking.
"It’s a cinematic masterpiece about family reunification, Yelena! And hey, that was my last tot!" Kate protested, but she instinctively tilted her plate toward Yelena to make the theft easier. "Anyway, we’re watching it because you made me watch that three-hour documentary on the history of the tactical vest."
"It was educational. You need to understand pocket placement," Yelena countered. She leaned over, using her own napkin to dab a stray drop of ketchup off the corner of Kate’s mouth. "You are like a messy toddler. Eat your greens."
Across the table, Sam Wilson paused with a chicken wing halfway to his mouth. He looked at Steve Rogers. He looked at Bucky. Finally, he looked at Natasha.
"Are they... do they know?" Sam whispered.
Natasha Romanoff didn't even look up from her tablet. She just let out a long, shuddering sigh—the kind of sigh that contained the weight of several decades of espionage-related trauma. "Don't. I tried to tell them. Clint tried to tell them. Pepper even tried to give them 'couples' tax advice. They just looked at us like we were the crazy ones."
"It’s like watching two tectonic plates slowly grinding together," Bucky muttered. "Eventually, there's going to be an earthquake, or they’re just going to stay like this until they're eighty, arguing about who left the slippers in the hallway."
---
### The Mission
The "earthquake" arrived in the form of a solo recon mission. Usually, Kate and Yelena were a package deal, but Kate was sidelined with a fractured wrist from a training mishap. Yelena had been sent to infiltrate a boutique pharmaceutical lab suspected of producing a weaponized neuro-sedative for the black market.
The mission went sideways. Yelena secured the data, but she was cornered by a guard who didn't use a gun—he used a pressurized aerosol canister.
When the extraction team brought Yelena back to the Compound, she was physically unharmed but mentally... altered.
Kate was waiting in the med-bay, pacing like a caged tiger. The second the gurney rolled in, she was at Yelena’s side, her easy-going "cool archer" persona completely incinerated.
"What happened? Why isn't she talking?" Kate demanded, her voice cracking. She grabbed Dr. Cho’s arm. "Is it permanent? If this is permanent, I am going back there and I am leveling that entire zip code."
"Kate, breathe," Steve tried to intervene, but Kate pushed his hand away.
"Don't tell me to breathe! She’s pale, and she’s—"
Suddenly, Yelena’s eyes fluttered open. She looked at the ceiling, then at the gathered Avengers, and finally at Kate.
"Oh," Yelena whispered. Her voice was breathy, strange. "Hello."
"Yelena! Thank god," Kate exhaled, reaching for Yelena’s hand. "How do you feel? Do you know where you are?"
Yelena pulled her hand away. It wasn't a sharp movement, but it was a rejection. She looked past Kate, her eyes landing on Steve Rogers. A slow, predatory smirk spread across her face.
"I feel... hungry," Yelena purred. She sat up, the hospital gown sliding slightly off one shoulder. She ignored Kate entirely, focusing on Steve. "Captain. I never noticed how... *large* your shoulders are in person. It is very impressive."
The room went dead silent.
---
### The Reversal
Dr. Cho looked at her tablet, her brow furrowing. "The toxin... it’s a targeted neuro-inhibitor. It appears to have flipped certain preferential switches in the hypothalamus. It’s temporary, but it seems to have... reverted her orientation."
"Reverted?" Kate asked, her voice small. "You mean..."
"She was gay, Kate," Natasha said, leaning against the wall with an expression of pure pity. "The drug has basically hard-wired her brain to seek out the opposite of her natural instinct. It’s a chemical glitch."
Yelena was already off the bed. She didn't walk; she sauntered. She walked straight up to Sam Wilson and ran a hand down his arm. "And you," she cooed. "The wings are cool, but I think I would like to see the muscles that move them."
"Okay, nope! No, no, no!" Kate yelled, jumping between them. "Yelena, stop that! You don't like men! You think they are 'loud and have too much hair'! Remember? That’s what you said yesterday!"
Yelena looked at Kate as if she were a particularly annoying fly. "Yesterday I was blind, Kate Bishop. Today, I see the appeal of a sturdy jawline." She turned her head, spotting Thor entering the room. "Oh, a literal god. This is my lucky day."
Kate’s composure didn't just break; it evaporated. For the next three hours, the Avengers watched a frantic Kate Bishop play the most high-stakes game of keep-away in history.
Every time Yelena tried to sit next to Bucky ("Your metal arm is so cold, I bet you have very warm hands"), Kate would shove a pillow between them. When Yelena tried to "help" Clint with his bow maintenance just to be close to him, Kate snatched the bow away.
"You are being very possessive, Kate Bishop," Yelena remarked, trapped in the hallway as Kate blocked her path to the gym where the guys were working out. "It is not a good look for you. You should go find a boy too. Or a girl. Whatever it is you do."
"What I *do* is take care of you!" Kate shouted, her face turning a deep shade of purple. "You’re drugged! You’re half-aware of what you’re doing, I can see it in your eyes! You’re fighting it, and I’m not letting you do something you’re going to spend the rest of your life mocking yourself for!"
"I don't know," Yelena said, leaning in close, her eyes flickering with a momentary, haunting clarity before the drug took hold again. "Maybe I just want to see what the fuss is about." She reached out to pat Kate’s cheek condescendingly. "You’re cute, Kate. Like a little sister. Now, move. I want to go see if Stark’s goatee is as scratchy as it looks."
---
### The Handcuffs
Kate had reached her limit. She knew the antidote was being synthesized, but it would take another six hours to stabilize. Six hours of Yelena Belova throwing herself at every Y-chromosome in the building was more than Kate’s heart—or her sanity—could take.
She reached into her tactical belt. She had a pair of experimental Vibranium-mesh handcuffs, designed by Stark for high-level detainees. They were unbreakable and required a dual-biometric override.
*Snap.*
"What are you doing?" Yelena asked, looking down at her left wrist.
*Snap.*
"I am saving our future," Kate hissed, locking the other end to her own right wrist.
Yelena tugged. The chain was short—barely six inches. They were chest-to-chest. "This is very kinky, Kate Bishop, but I told you, I am looking for a—"
"Shut up! Just shut up about the men!" Kate snapped, dragging Yelena toward the elevator. "We are going to the lab. We are sitting in the lab. And you are going to look at me and only me until Dr. Cho finishes that serum."
"I will be bored," Yelena pouted, though she followed. The drug made her flighty, but Kate’s sheer, burning intensity was the only thing that felt 'solid' in her hazy brain.
---
### The Antidote
For four hours, they sat in the lab. It was a nightmare of proximity. Yelena spent the first hour trying to flirt with the male lab assistants, but Kate would simply jerk the handcuffs, pulling Yelena’s face back toward hers.
"Look at me," Kate commanded.
"You are bossy," Yelena grumbled, but her eyes stayed fixed on Kate’s.
"I’m your partner," Kate whispered, her voice softening as the exhaustion set in. "I’m the one who knows how you like your coffee. I’m the one who knows you pretend to hate *The Parent Trap* but you actually cry when the twins reunite. I’m the one who’s been in love with you for months while you’ve been too 'oblivious' to notice."
Yelena froze. The drug was still swimming in her system, but that word—*love*—seemed to cut through the chemical fog like a knife.
"You love me?" Yelena asked. Her voice was her own again, just for a second.
"Of course I love you, you idiot," Kate said, her eyes tearing up. "Why do you think I let you eat all my tater tots?"
Yelena looked at their joined hands. She felt the urge to go find Steve Rogers again, but it was fading, replaced by a deep, grounding warmth emanating from the girl attached to her wrist.
"The tots are a significant metric," Yelena admitted quietly.
Dr. Cho walked over, holding a syringe. "It’s ready. This will neutralize the inhibitor immediately."
As the needle went in, Yelena didn't pull away. She leaned her head on Kate’s shoulder. Within minutes, the frantic, artificial "hunger" for the men in the building vanished, leaving behind a sharp, clear, and very embarrassed Russian.
---
### The Reality
Yelena stayed leaned against Kate long after the drug had cleared. The handcuffs were still on.
"So," Yelena said into the silence of the lab. "The goatee. It was a mistake."
Kate let out a wet, relieved laugh. "A huge mistake."
"And the shoulders of Captain America... they are too much. Like boulders. It is structurally unsound."
"Totally unsound," Kate agreed.
Yelena turned her head, looking up at Kate. The bickering was gone. The "married couple" energy had finally shifted into something intentional.
"You said you love me," Yelena reminded her. "And you used the special handcuffs. That is very serious commitment, Kate Bishop."
Kate blushed, looking down at the Vibranium links. "I panicked. I couldn't let you... go."
Yelena reached out with her free hand, cupping Kate’s jaw. "Good. Because if you had let me go, I would have had to kill everyone who saw me flirt with Stark. This way, we can just pretend it was a dream."
"A nightmare," Natasha’s voice crackled over the intercom. "We all saw it. It’s on the security footage. I’m keeping it for the wedding toast."
Yelena rolled her eyes, but she didn't ask for the handcuffs to be taken off. Instead, she leaned in and kissed Kate—a real kiss, one that tasted like certainty and far too many shared meals.
"Fine," Yelena murmured against Kate’s lips. "But we are still not watching *The Parent Trap*."
"We’ll see," Kate grinned. "We'll see."