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Your name is Dirk Strider, you’re fifteen years old, and you’re at a sleep over with your best friend Jake English. You’ve got snacks and movies to last you several hours, but there’s something else occupying your mind; you’re about to come out to him. You’re going to tell Jake how ridiculously in love you are with him - or at least tell him you’re gay. Maybe you’ll keep the love confession to yourself if you want to keep him in your life.
After a few hours you’ve watched Con Air and Avatar, and Jake is still glued to the screen as the credits roll. You decide you’re as ready as you could ever be.
DIRK: Jake?
He hits you with a “hm?” but doesn’t look away from the screen. You clear your throat and call his name again. You really need him to look at you for this.
DIRK: Jake.
JAKE: Yeah?
He turns and looks at you with a wide smile that shows off his braces. His hair is black and curly, and his eyes green and intense behind his glasses. For a moment you hesitate.
DIRK: Can you keep a secret?
JAKE: Of course whats wrong?
His smile fades and his eyebrows settle into a worried expression. He usually assumes something is wrong, and to be fair you’re having some trouble feeling right at the moment.
DIRK: I have a small problem.
DIRK: A crush.
DIRK: And I’m too much of a coward to tell them, and I just know they don’t like me back.
Fuck. You’re rambling.
JAKE: What on earth are you talking about? Who WOULDNT want to date you?
JAKE: If you were a girl id be all over you!
His laugh is meant to be reassuring, but it doesn’t make Dirk feel any better. If you were a girl. Sure, of course. That’s where you clash, you suppose. You like that he’s a guy, you like his sharp jaw and the peach fuzz he’s trying so hard to pass off as a mustache.
JAKE: I think you should tell her. Ill even come with you if you want.
DIRK: I already knows he doesn’t like me.
JAKE: He?
Oops. You stare at each other in silence for what feels like forever.
JAKE: Dirk, are you..?
DIRK: …
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: I’m gay.
You weren’t planning on going about it like this, but what’s done is done. You feel your throat dry out as Jake looks more and more uncomfortable.
JAKE: So…
JAKE: Whos the lucky guy?
You run a hand through your bleach blonde hair and try to calculate how much alcohol you would need to forget any of this ever happened. You clear your throat, but the sound that comes out of you is so quiet you can barely hear yourself speak.
DIRK: You.
JAKE: Pardon?
He leans forward to encourage you to speak up. God, if he could’ve just stopped being such a supportive friend you could’ve gone home to seethe in peace.
DIRK: You.
Your voice is just loud enough that Jake can hear you clearly. He looks at you wide-eyed, then quickly averts his gaze and looks at anything but you.
JAKE: Oh.
You can’t take it anymore. Your chest is on fire and you can feel hot tears behind your eyes. Your body stands up on its own and blocks the TV.
DIRK: Look at me.
DIRK: You’re the one who asked!
DIRK: I’m prepared to be rejected, just use your fucking words!
JAKE: Im sorry i…
You stare at Jake as his mouth opens and nothing comes out. He’s a coward and he probably wants you gone. Go home, Dirk. Leave him alone.
You storm down the stairs from Jake’s bedroom, forgetting your jacket as you run out the door and slam it. You’ll never come back here. You’ll become a hermit and only ever talk to your robots again. You can’t hold the tears back anymore. The hot tears are a relief for your eyes - you’re not used to such cold weather and you certainly didn’t know your eyes could feel this cold. If only you hadn’t forgotten your jacket.
In the distance you hear someone shouting your name. Jake came after you? You turn around, but can’t see much through the thick snow. As he gets closer, you see the shape of a thick winter coat walk towards you.
JAKE: Dirk! Please come back inside youre going to freeze to death out here.
Oh, that’s what this is about.
He gets close enough to you that you can tell, even behind his fogged up glasses, that his eyes are red and puffy.
JAKE: Oh dear your lips are blue!
He tries to pull you with him, but you pull your arm back forcefully and clench your fist.
DIRK: I’m going home, I’ve been enough trouble already.
DIRK: I’m sorry I feel the way I feel.
JAKE: Dirk.
You try not to look at him, but you can’t help it. His eyes make you feel warm inside - or maybe it’s the hypothermia setting in, you can’t tell.
JAKE: I wanted to tell you.
JAKE: But i was so caught off guard i didnt know what to say…
JAKE: I uh…
JAKE: I kind of like you too. In that way.
Once again, you just stare at each other for a moment. Is he fucking with you? Is this some sort of sick joke?
JAKE: Im sorry i freaked out earlier.
DIRK: Wait. Really?
You don’t pull away this time when he grabs your hand. He stands up on his tippy-toes and give you a quick kiss on the cheek.
JAKE: Really.
JAKE: But can we talk about this inside?
JAKE: Im starting to get cold and you dont even have a jacket.
You walk back to his house in silence, and Jake wraps you in an ungodly amount of blankets before going to make hot cocoa.
Your name is Dirk Strider and you’re at a sleepover with your best friend - and boyfriend - Jake English.