Chapter Text
Do you like sunflowers?
I like sunflowers.
Sunflowers are beautiful little things. Always have been.
Sometimes I relate to the sunflowers in wide open fields, how they’re always looking for the sun. Atleast, the young ones are. Once they mature, their internal clock slows to a complete stop, instead choosing to face east, east, where the sun is! They gain many benefits from facing east, they get 5 times more pollinators from facing east. It’s ‘cause they’re warmer while facing east.
I understand that feeling more than I'd like to admit, the feeling of when you’re younger you’re always looking for hope, and when you grow, you mature, you start slowing down, instead waitin’ for the hope to come to you.
Something that you do need to remember is, that no matter if you slow down, if you wait for the hope instead of following the hope, you always gotta remember that facing the right way is the key reason you’ll be hopeful. Don’t face away from it, don’t face the opposite direction and then wait for it to come, only to be given the tiniest sliver that rapidly fades. Watch as it comes, cherish it while it’s here, and then don’t cry when it’s gone. Cry because you know you have the good things, and you know you get to celebrate it when it comes back.
I currently lay in a field of sunflowers, sun pouring down on me. Bliss filling my body, warmth tracing my limbs. Beautifully sunkissing my skin. I feel someone lay beside me, turning my head sideways, I see the unmistakable outline of… Tai? What’s he doing here? I don’t care, more as I'm just confused.
Me and Tai, we’re soulmates. We don’t even try to hide it honestly. We know that we’re soulmates, but both of us couldn’t care less. This stupid red string system is more of a nuisance than something actually interesting. Yeah, we both tried to find our soulmate at the start of the server launching the system, but we gave up on that pretty fast.
We learnt, actually, from me pulling on it mid-battle with Tai, and to my surprise, he actually fell into my arms. Silly, honestly. Since then we’ve been working on actually using it in fights, which pisses off the people who record because for some dumb reason we aren’t allowed to let outsiders know of it.
Although, we do enjoy using it to juke people out in fights. When people fight us, and one of us, (usually Tai-) is about to get killed, we tug, hard, sending the other flying into our arms. So usually what happens in fights is:
-Tai is going to die
-I pull on the string
-Tai gets pulled into my arms, curses me out for “tripping him” and goes back to fighting, avoiding his untimely demise.
Occasionally I wonder what life would be like if we actually dated, after all, according to this string we are soulmates, but yet again it would be quite awkward to date the half-rival that you’re always betraying- No- I’m not gay! I’m cool with gay people but-. I feel a shift next to me, oh right, Tai.
“Hello Tai.” it’s just a quick greeting, although Tai seems to react positively, wrapping his arms around my torso, whispering something soft into my ear, I can’t even catch it. Can’t hear him well enough to. But the shadowborn giggles after, so I suppose I wasn’t supposed to hear it in the first place.
“Sorry Tai, I didn’t hear that, could you repeat it?”
“and what if i dont?”
“Tai, babes, repeat it”
“nuh uh”
“The fuck you mean ‘nuh uh’ babes”
Tai just laughs, continuing to ignore me. Why is he being so affectionate today anyways? Sure, we’re currently in the allies part of the constant loop, but he never really… does this. Don’t get me wrong, I genuinely don’t mind. After all, I’m usually the one who will randomly hug him just to piss him off, not the other way around. No, this isn’t like Tai at all.
I, in one quick motion, flip our positions, Tai under me, my arms the only thing stopping me from landing on him. “What’s gotten into you today? You’re never this affectionate.” My question is sincere, although I know that Tai is still going to laugh. That annoying laugh that sends butterflies to my stomach that aren’t supposed to be there. Yeah, sure, I’m supportive of the queer community. But I’m not queer. Not queer. Absolutely no way that I’m queer.
“Tai, what the hell are you doing today.”
“Why are you acting so… this.”
Tai adverts his gaze, head tilted to the side, his face lighting up with… gold? That surely can’t be blush, probably just the reflections of the sunlight. Definitely just the sun. “Tai, what is up with you.” Tai looks at me, the gold on his face definitely blush. His arms are outstretched above his head, grass licking at the edges of his dress shirt. He mutters something, too quiet for me to understand. That seems like a theme today. ‘Mutter things under your breath so Rejoice can’t hear you!’ must’ve been a memo that everyone but me got.
“mm rejoice, do you really need me to speak up?” Tai giggles, white eyes staring at me, taunting.
“Yes, Tai.”
“ask nicely”
“Tai, please speak up.”
Tai giggles, suddenly grabbing me and pulling me ontop of him- the fuck? Why is he acting like this? He’s genuinely been such a giggly asshole today. Before I can figure out what’s going on he-
My mind blanks.
Did Tai just-
Tai kisses me again, gentle. And despite every fiber of my body screaming at me to run, I let him. My hands reaching up to trace through his hair, our bodies pressed impossibly close together. It's wrong, but I can’t bring myself to stop it. I feel his tongue press against my mouth, and I open it. Letting his tongue invade my mouth, it’s messy and desperate, and so wrong.
I pull away, and it feels like something’s missing.
I stutter over every word that tries to exit my mouth, the only thing that is vaguely audible being a weak “Tai…” as I try to push myself up.
“oh my mojang rejoice im so sorry i shouldve asked-”
“You took my first.”
“i- im so sorry”
“...”
I stand up and turn away, taking long strides to avoid damaging the sunflowers. I want to tell him it’s okay, want him to know what I’m feeling more than anything in the world. But it’s not. It’s not okay. I’m not okay.
I feel a gentle tug on the string, choosing to ignore it and continue leaving. Leaving him behind. We’ll talk later.
Maybe.