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Cultural Assimilation Efforts

Summary:

The AKs take on the remedial goodness questions. Imagine that after not quite getting the responses she wanted in class Fairy Godmother assigns them the questions for homework. Just to help the messages sink in. Ben, in all his Kingly wisdom, has offered to help them with their homework over lunch. This is pre-love potion D1, where the VKs are still trying to find ways to get closer to the AKs to support Maleficent’s mission, they accept Ben’s offer of help, leading to the situation below.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

“Over here guys!” Ben projected his voice over the hall, madly waving from a table laden with people. Ugh. Mal thought it would be just them and Ben. Not whatever this ambush was.

Luckily as they made their way over the interlopers shuffled along to leave four seats on one side of the round table. Mal internally snorted, what did they think a round table was going to do? Make them instantly equal because there was no head of the table? Yeah right. No seating was equal when a soon-to-be-King sat at the table. As such, she claimed the space next to him. Jay was furthest away from her, bracketing their more vulnerable gang members in the middle. Carlos next to Mal to even out the boys and girls balance, that was something Auradon seemed to care about.

Gender, what a strange value. Mal didn’t see the big deal having different bits, it was how you fought that mattered. Not that there was much fighting here, just Tourney which was more running and tackling than swordplay.

“Hi Ben.” Evie put on her most charming smile, fluttering her fingers on one hand, digging through her bag with the other.

She distributed everyone’s sheets, taking the opportunity to angle herself just so towards Ben while sliding Mal’s sheet over to her. Mal leaned back to clear Ben’s view, smirking as she plucked her sheet off the table.

“What subject do you all have?” Lonnie questioned, reaching across the table to snag one of their sheets. Beneath the desk Carlos’ fingers twitched, but playing the weakest of the gang, he let her have his sheet. He was smart enough to fill it in two seconds when he got it back. From the importance Doug had placed on the folders he’d passed out yesterday, they gathered that the teachers seemed to care about finished homework here. “This is a new class Ben?”

“Yeah, Fairy Godmother said that a cultural bridging class was important.”

“Who did she work with to come up with the curriculum?” The doubt in Lonnie’s voice was palpable, Mal silently pulled a face, seemed pretty out of character for the bubbly girl to be concerned about them. What con was she pulling?

The VKs wouldn’t learn until later when she got closer to Jay, that Lonnie championed anything involving education on cultural differences. Due to her vastly different background to the rest of the prissy Royals, it wasn’t hard for the VKs to see why Lonnie hadn’t supported Fairy Godmother’s cultural assimilation efforts on the first day. Even Lonnie’s name had been changed in a fancy boarding school that was supposed to be all about goodness.

“I’m not sure who the curriculum consultants were.”

“They all seem to be from our parent’s generations,” Ben looked up, opening his mouth in preparation to say something, but Lonnie quickly waved him off continuing,

“and they seem to be preparing them,” she extended her arm to indicate the VKs, “to be living in an old fashioned tale.”

She glared Ben into silence, when he opened his mouth to speak again. “Not in Auradon’s current culture.”

At her words Ben’s face twisted into something Mal couldn’t pin point. “I’m sure Fairy Godmother has produced something appropriate to the course’s aims.”

Lonnie merely quirked a brow in challenge, and started reading in a dry voice.

“You find a vial of poison, do you, A put it in the King’s wine?” No one missed Ben’s knuckles tightening around his cup.

“B, paint it on an apple, or C, turn it over to the proper authorities.”

“Turn it over to the proper authorities.” Audrey snapped, making a show of playing around with her own lunch, conveniently too absorbed in her task to meet anyone’s eyes.

The AKs collectively turned to Audrey, missing the way the VKs shared a glance that ended in Evie pasting a dopey smile on her face.

One finger reaching up to twirl her hair, she asked, “Who are the proper authorities?” She giggled, “we don’t really have that on the Isle.”

She hid her barb behind a fake bashful duck of the head. Her comment triggering both Doug and Ben to puff up in indignation towards the treatment the VKs had to endure.

Audrey continued playing with her food, Lonnie gave it an extra minute but when no one else spoke up she assumed she would have to be spokesperson for now. Thanks Doug. This type of thing was literally the the half-Dwarf’s job; Lonnie had yet to experience anything from him but silence and rehearsed speeches.

“The proper authorities are those from the Government who are either equipped to take on the task of keeping the poison safely out of the community. Or the proper authorities are people who are tasked with passing the poison to those Government people. They can really be anyone with authority, for example Fairy Godmother.”

Evie giggled again, for some reason Lonnie’s skin crawled, “Pass the poison to the people who made the barrier?”

“A,” Mal drawled acerbically, causing the AKs to all look up startled, “B and C make no sense, by process of elimination it’s A.”

“What was A again?” Doug leaned over to point out the answer to Evie as Jay slowly read it aloud.

“Put it in the King’s wine.” Mal pulled a face.

“Ok they’re all trick questions.” Mal slashed through every answer on her sheet in one decisive movement, quicker than Ben could stop her. Upon receiving her glare, he sheepishly let go of her pinned wrist.

“No, I’m quite confident the answer’s C.”

“Turn it over to the proper authorities?” Carlos incredulously repeated, leaning in front of Mal to address Ben.

“I suppose that they did lock us up pretty tight.” Jay pulled Carlos into a half hug, half headlock with an arm around his shoulders, situating the smaller boy tight into his side. Lonnie wouldn’t realise until she started hanging out with them regularly that this move was pretty common and designed for Carlos’ protection, for whenever his snark and smart mouth got ahead of perceived social niceties. A tactical decision to better place Jay to defend Carlos from any resulting retaliation.

“Yes.” Ben’s mouth formed a tight line. “As discussed, the answer to the first question is C, see if you can get the next one on your own.”

Everyone at the table took a moment of silence to go back to their own homework, or to read the next question, in the case of the VKs, and Lonnie, still holding Carlos’ worksheet. Although she had filled out the answer for him, making Mal wonder again what that girl’s plan was.

“Ben, this question is no better.” Mal couldn’t quite place the tone in Lonnie’s voice, it was as if fury and incredulity warred whilst boredom ruled above them.

They all had that strange, detached, falsely caring air to them. Mal would’ve supposed this was Royalty shit but she was raised as Royalty. Besides, that daughter of Generals had it too, had to be some Prissy Do Gooder thing.

“‘If someone hands you a crying baby, do you, A, curse it. B, lock it in a tower. C, give it a bottle. Or D, carve out its’ heart.’” Mal smirked at the slight trembling in Lonnie’s voice near the end of the options, mistaking quiet fury for fear.

“Who’s is the baby?” Mal turned to address an absolutely stunned, and rather confused Ben.

Recognising his confusion Mal pressed on, “What Gang? Who does the baby belong to?”

“Assume you don’t know.” Came Audrey’s sing song reply, dangerously close to the patronising tone Fairy Godmother had used on them during class.

“It’s safer to leave it then.”

“They’re all trick questions.” Mal nodded to Jay, striking through her second lot of questions, much to Ben’s dismay. Doug silently slid a clean printed homework sheet towards the pair. Lonnie mentally threw up her hands, now the guy (well half-Dwarf) wanted to do his job!

“They’re not trick questions,” Lonnie gulped as all eyes focused on her, “Mal. They’re just, not, worded? Correctly. For your culture.” She rushed the end bit, quickly looking back down at her work, all earlier bravado gone in the face of one annoyed fae and protective muscle.

“You never leave a baby. Moreover, the question says you’ve been handed the baby.” Audrey, it seemed, was definitely not on the VKs side.

“I’d put the baby back down.” Jay shrugged.

“What was the third one again?” Evie asked smiling at Doug, everyone’s attention went to her and then quickly transitioned to packing their own work away as the period end’s bell went off.

It was Jane who learned from her jubilant Mother that the VKs homework had been turned in with perfect answers. Although it was Lonnie who discovered the cultural truth a year later, when helping Jay pack up his dorm she’d come across the original Remedial Goodness homework sheet covered in handwritten questions and bullet points. After a very frank conversation Lonnie corrected the bullet points to reflect Auradonian Culture as she understood it, Evie had gotten a lot right but not quite all.

Notes:

In part, this piece inspired my ‘The ‘Life’ of Lonnie’ work, I haven’t had any editing time lately which is why they’ve been published so far apart.