Chapter Text
I was washing the dishes after I ate dinner in my room, since my family didn't seem to like each other enough to stand to see each other at the dinner table, "eating like pigs," according to my mom. If I really thought about it, my mom was most likely the source of my chronic anorexia since middle school. She was always making comments about how "fat" I was (I wasn't fat, I had an arguably healthy body), and how I should "eat less food." My mom has been like that since I can remember, and I don't think there was ever a time that she was a normal, nice mother who cared about her kids.
As I finished washing the last plate and put it in the dishwasher, my brother, Jordan, stumbled through the front door. I couldn't tell if he was either high or drunk (maybe a mix of both), and I watched him with tense shoulders as he approached the island counter and stared at me. He squinted at me for a bit, as if inspecting my appearance. I was dressed in a black oversized T-shirt with The Weeknd's album, 'House of Balloons,' on the front, and a pair of fleece shorts that I sometimes wore outside of the house if I felt lazy or didn't want to wear a type of denim bottoms.
"You look horrible," he stated simply, which made my eyebrows furrow. I quickly calmed myself, not wanting to give Jordan a reaction as I walked around the island to go to my bedroom. As I walked past him, he suddenly grabbed my forearm with a stinging grip, his fingers digging into my skin. "No, you're staying down here, you little shit," he growled before he stood up and sent a slap to my cheek. The sound of his hand colliding with my face rang throughout the whole house. I was sent backwards a little bit by the force and strength of my brother while I clutched the stinging side of my face.
"What the hell was that for?" I spat before I sent a kick to his groin. Good thing I was bullied in second grade; otherwise, I wouldn't know how to attack a guy if needed. Jordan immediately clutched his legs and collapsed to the floor on his knees. He looked up at me and glared through his eyebrows, which I now realized had surrounding bruises. Fucker probably got into a street fight or something. My mother's voice soon sounded down the hallway as she stormed towards the main room.
"What the hell did you two do now?!" She yelled before she entered the room. She saw Jordan on the floor before she glared at me and stalked towards me. "Did you attack him, you little bitch?" Her voice came out in a dangerous growl before she harshly grabbed me by the chin and got in my face.
"He attacked me first; he slapped me, so I kicked him," I stated with the best glare I could give, but I knew it was weak. My mother continued to stare at me before she shoved me away, sending me flying into a console table that had a picture on it. A picture of my parents and my brother before I was born. A picture of the calm before the storm. My lower back collided with the table, which made the picture topple over and shatter onto the floor. Before I could react and get away, my mom quickly stormed towards the pile, picked up a large shard of glass, and pointed it at me. I stumbled backwards, my eyes wide with fear, and my knees starting to weaken.
"I'll fucking kill you if you touch him again!" My mom shrieked at me before I scrambled away into my bedroom. Tears were forming in my eyes as I quickly grabbed some items while my mom pounded at the locked door. I knew I couldn't stay here; it wasn't safe whatsoever. "Get out and stop hiding from me!" My mom screamed again. I couldn't help but sob as I silently wished my dad was in the house instead of going out and getting drunk, so he doesn't have to worry about his fucked up family. Instead, my own mother was threatening to kill me with a piece of glass as I packed some items so I could go over to my friend Maddy's place and hopefully stay the night. I slipped on a pair of running shoes and opened up the window in my bedroom with ease from multiple years of practice, and I got out of the house so I could run away to Maddy's house.
Thank goodness she lived in the same neighborhood as me.
After running (which turned into panicked speed walking) for around 15 minutes, I arrived at Maddy's place. I hurriedly knocked on the door in hopes someone would answer. I looked around warily, wondering if my mom had followed me, still wanting to murder me with a piece of glass, but I was immediately interrupted from that thought when Maddy's dad answered the door with a tired and now confused expression on his face.
"Lavender? What are you doing here so late?" He asked and inspected me; the scared expression on my teary face, the slap mark on my cheek, my tense shoulders, and my trembling body.
"Mr. Perez, you have to let me in, please. I-I can't be at my house," I stammered out through my tears, and I wiped my face as I sniffled. Maddy's dad immediately widened the door, and he let me inside with a gentle pat on my back.
"Yeah, of course you can come in. Did you need to stay the night?" He asked as he watched me with concern and sympathy. I nodded as I took my shoes off and set them by the door.
"Yes. Please," I exhaled and had to lean my shoulder against the wall to briefly ground myself. After a moment, my body was no longer convulsing, but my hands were still trembling as I stood up straight. "Is Maddy awake?" I asked.
"Yeah, she should be in her room," Mr. Perez replied to me before I walked away and to Maddy's bedroom. I gently knocked on the door and waited for her to say I could come inside.
"Come in," she called out. I opened the door and walked inside, my mascara now smeared under my eyes from the crying I was doing. Maddy was resting on her bed, scrolling on her phone, which was most likely social media, before she looked up at me. I knew the first thing she saw was the look on my face and the red mark on my cheek. "Holy shit, are you okay?" She asked before she set her phone down and walked over to me. Maddy closed the door behind me and led me to sit on the edge of her bed. I shook my head as I set my bag down on the floor. "Did something happen?" She asked as she gently caressed my shoulders and my hair.
"My brother and my mom attacked me, and then my mom threatened to kill me," I explained, my voice shaky, and a nauseous feeling in my stomach from saying what happened out loud. I saw Maddy physically flinch backwards in shock, and she had to blink a billion times to process what I just told her.
"Hey, you should get some rest, and we can talk about it tomorrow, okay? You can sleep in my bed tonight," she told me before she got up to get me my own blanket, so we didn't have to share one and risk one of us stealing the whole thing. Maddy soon came back into her room, holding a massive dark green blanket. She set the folded blanket next to me on the bed, and she stood in front of me. I looked up at her and wiped my smeared mascara off my face. "You want a granola bar?" She asked me, but before I could answer, she walked away to get me one anyway, since she probably knew my answer would be no. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair as I waited for her to come back with the small snack.
Maddy soon returned to her room, and she tossed me the granola bar. I caught it and cautiously opened it as if it were something fragile. I took a small bite, and I set it down on the nightstand. "Lav, you need to eat the whole thing," Maddy spoke up, which made me exhale shakily and grab it again to take another bite. After around 7 minutes, I awkwardly finished the granola bar and threw the wrapper away. I didn't want to finish it, but I also didn't want to make Maddy even more concerned about me.
After a bit of getting ready for bed and Maddy fussing over me being comfortable and cozy, we finally tucked ourselves into Maddy's bed.
"Good night, Maddy," I spoke up quietly.
"Good night, Lav," Maddy responded before she turned the lamp in her room off and began to fall asleep. I lay awake in Maddy's bed, staring at the dark ceiling with tears in my eyes. I still felt sick, knowing I was going to have to go home at some point. After a while, I did manage to fall asleep.
~
I almost slept through the night peacefully, when I was awakened by a cold sweat. Feeling uncomfortable, I rolled over and grabbed my phone to check the time. It read that it was five a.m. Fuck my life. I set my phone back down and silently groaned before I rolled back over to try and fall back asleep, which ultimately failed. After what felt like ages, I rubbed my face with my hands and huffed in frustration.
Around nine in the morning, Maddy woke up. She woke up so peacefully, as if she had had a good dream last night, and as if she were an angel waking up from her slumber. I was still lying down as Maddy sat up against the headboard of her bed, and she looked down at me. She was surprised to see me awake, but she hid the shocked look on her face as she spoke up: "Morning, Lav," she murmured with a smile, her voice raspy and quiet from sleep.
"Morning," I replied, my voice bordering on monotone. Maddy tilted her head to the side a little when she heard the tone of my voice.
"You sound tired and pissed," she stated bluntly. That was a thing about Maddy; she always told the truth. Not her mind, but the truth.
"I'm just tired. I woke up at, like, five," I muttered and rubbed my eyes with my knuckles. "I think I might have insomnia, but I don't really know. I don't want to sound like I'm self-diagnosing," I added and looked up at Maddy.
"It makes sense that you would have insomnia. I remember back in middle school when you used to wake me up at four in the morning to go for a walk," Maddy reminisced before she chuckled at how many times I woke her up too early. I hesitantly chuckled too before I sat up against the headboard. I suddenly zoned out on the wall in front of me, thinking that I was going to have to go home. "Hey, you want me to walk you home?" Maddy asked, and a wave of gratefulness immediately washed over me. I was really lucky to have Maddy as a friend, let alone a best friend. She always wanted me to feel safe around her and anybody else she was around.
"Yes, please," I quietly squeaked out with a lump in my throat. Either my mom would be passed out drunk with my brother, or my mom would be waiting to kill me. I have always felt horrible about my family; I knew that it wasn't normal for your mom to call you fat, and that it wasn't normal for her to threaten to kill you at least once every year. You would think that it would be routine for me, but something about the raw, sober look in her eyes told me that she meant it that time, especially when she pointed something at me and chased me with it. Maddy and I talked for a while, we finally got out of bed. I slipped on the shoes I was wearing last night, and we started to walk through the neighborhood and back to my house. We talked as we walked, so it would distract me from what was coming when I arrived home.
After about twenty minutes of walking, we arrived at my house. I entered the code in the keypad on my front door, and I hesitated before I stepped inside. I was expecting at least someone to be passed out on the floor of the living room, but to my dismay, there was no one or nothing inside the house. I looked around, and everything was empty. "What the fuck?" I said out loud as I walked through the house, as Maddy trailed behind me and looked around as well. "Dad?" I exclaimed loudly as I entered my parents' bedroom. Empty. I went into Jordan's bedroom. Empty. I went into my bedroom. Empty except for all of my clothes piled on the floor, and a simple suitcase. I started to hyperventilate; my entire family just left me.