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It was storming. Thunder and lightning permeated the air, making your house the only cozy space you could find. You sat on your couch, a glass of wine in your hand and a playlist of your favorite songs on. The night was peaceful, uneventful, and you had no plans for the rest of the night.
Then there was a knock on your door. You set your glass down and you went to answer the door. What you saw shocked you. Your boyfriend stood on the doorstep, soaked to the bone. You couldn’t see it, but there were tears mingling with the rain that streaked his face. He looked broken, distraught, a shell of the man you loved.
“Andrew, what are you doing here, honey? It’s pouring out!” You exclaimed as you brought him into the entrance of your home.
You closed and locked the door before waiting for his response. It didn’t come. He let out a choked, weak, sob and you sighed softly.
“Come on, sweet boy.” You murmured softly, leading him to your room and into the bathroom, “You’re gonna get sick.”
Andrew sobbed again softly and he clenched his eyes shut as more tears rolled down his cheeks. He was trying so hard to be quiet, to not be seen, not be heard. Your heart broke for him. You turned him to face you and he turned his head away. He didn’t want to be seen, but you were the only place that felt safe.
“I’m going to take your clothes off, okay honey?” You whispered gently, wiping his tears away, “You don’t have to talk. I’m going to get us a nice hot shower going to help warm you up.”
He nodded, a sharp movement. You slowly began to pull his shirt over his head. His chest was riddled with freckles and scars from fights and jobs gone wrong. You ran your hands slowly over his chest before sliding your hands down. You stopped at his hips.
“Be a good boy for me and kick your shoes and socks off, alright dear?” You asked gently.
He nodded again tersely and did as you asked. “Good boy,” You murmured gently, pressing your lips to his shoulder, “Such a good boy. I’m going to strip you now, okay?”
He nodded once more as you undid his jeans. You pushed them down his hips and stripped him of his remaining clothing. Andrew shivered as the air hit his skin. You took a step back and took off your own clothes before moving to turn your shower on. You put it at his favorite temperature and you let the water get hot.
Andrew was still silently crying as you guided him into the hot water. You shut the shower door behind you two, enclosing you in the smaller space. You pulled him closer under the spray and you wrapped your arms around him, holding him tight. Andrew hiccupped and buried his face in your shoulder as sobs wracked his body.
You didn’t ask him what was wrong. You didn’t try to fix whatever had damaged his soul so badly. You just held him. You slowly rubbed his back as he clung to you and sobbed desperately into your shoulder. “I’ve got you,” You whispered, “I’m here. You’re right here with me. I’ve got you.”
You held him until his sobs began to subside. Then you gently pushed him back against the wall so that you could begin to clean him up. Andrew’s hair was a mess, even in the water you could feel how greasy it was. He hadn’t been taking care of himself. Something was wrong. Andrew never got like this unless something terrible had happened.
You gently began to work shampoo into his hair. You had bought his preferred products to keep in the house. You wanted him to see this place as home too. You wanted to make him feel safe. His signature scent filled the air as you cleaned him up. He sighed softly, letting you take care of him. He kept his eyes closed. He didn’t want to be a burden. He just didn’t know where else to go and you always made him feel so safe. He had never felt so safe and calm as when he was with you.
You gently turned him and tipped his head back as you began washing the product out his hair. You ran your nails over his scalp soothingly, earning a soft and deep groan. You smiled softly, sliding your hands down to massage his neck before sliding back up to scratch his scalp.
“You’re doing so well,” You whispered quietly, “Just relax. Let me take care of you.”
He opened an eye, looking exhausted and wrecked. You smiled softly up at him and he sighed and closed his eyes again.
You hummed softly and gently began working the conditioner into his hair. You were thorough. Your touch was soft and caring. Something he wasn’t used to. Even with the time he spent at your house, he was never used to the kindness you showed him. He felt he was undeserving of it. He’d done horrible things. Things that would get a lesser man killed. He had been through so much. There was so much that you just didn’t know about him. Still, you loved him. Even when he told you some of the things he’d done, you still loved him. You still stayed.
You gently tipped his head back and began working the conditioner out of his hair. Andrew sighed softly, letting you take care of him and touch him so tenderly he felt like he was going to start crying again. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve you. He was every bad thing people called him. He was a monster. He was horrible. He was filled with rage nearly every moment of every day. He was weak and pathetic and a mess. He deserved every bad thing that had ever happened to him.
You slowly began washing his body with his favorite body wash. His tense form melted under your touch. You smiled softly and continued, dropping down to your knees as you washed his legs. He stood there and opened his eyes, looking down at you. You watched as his cock twitched with interest. He couldn’t deny that he loved seeing you on your knees for him. He loved the power. He loved knowing that he had all of you.
You chuckled softly and pressed your cheek to his thigh as you looked up at him. “If you want me to take care of you, get you off, then I need you to promise we’ll talk about this.” You said softly, pressing your lips to the soft skin of his thigh.
Andrew groaned softly, but nodded his head. “Use your words, honey.” You pressed gently.
“We’ll talk after.” He said quietly, his voice barely audible, “Just…Please?”
You smiled and kissed his hip. “I’ve got you. I’ll take care of you.” You murmured, “Just relax for me.”
Andrew hummed softly, leaning against the wall as you slowly began stroking him and getting him hard for you. “How do you want me, sweet boy?” You asked with a small smile, kissing the tip of his cock as you stroked him.
Andrew groaned and he bit his lip as he watched you. He was silent for a moment, just feeling you before he spoke. “I want your mouth. I want you to make me cum.” He whispered.
Once he was nice and hard, you began pressing gentle kisses all over his cock. You licked a stripe up him and grinned as he moaned softly. You took the tip of his cock into your mouth and sucked gently as you began bobbing your head. Andrew’s breath caught in his throat and he clenched his fists, trying desperately not to grip onto you.
You pulled off of his cock and looked up at him. “Touch me,” You said so softly and sweetly that he felt like he was melting, “Guide me. Use me however you need, sweetheart.”
Andrew looked worried for a moment. He looked like he was fighting an internal war. What if he hurt you? Sure, he’d never hurt you before, but what if he did this time? What if he hurt you and you left and abandoned him? What if he was all alone again?
You saw the thoughts spiraling in his mind and you gently gripped his thigh. “Honey, breathe.” You said soothingly, “You aren’t going to hurt me. I’m not breakable. I trust you-”
“You shouldn’t.” He immediately interrupted, “It’s a bad idea to trust someone like me.”
You bit his thigh roughly, snapping him out of his negative thoughts. “Ow! What the fuck?” He hissed.
You laved your tongue over the mark and you looked up at him. “Don’t you ever tell me it’s a bad idea to trust you.” You growled softly, “You have never hurt me. You will never hurt me. I know you, Andrew. Now be a good boy and fuck my face until you cum down my throat.”
Andrew looked at you with wide eyes for a moment. His face heated up and he tangled a hand in your hair. He was still hesitant. “I don’t think I can be gentle right now.” He said softly.
You grinned and tilted your head into his touch. “Good. I’m not asking you to be. Use me however you want.” You said with a softer smile, “If it gets to be too much, I’ll tap you twice. You’ll be good and listen for that cue, right?”
He nodded his head. He wanted to be good for you. He knew he could obey your commands. As much as you both liked it when he took the reins, he also couldn’t deny loving just how much you could take control.
You smiled and kissed the tip of his cock before opening your mouth for him. Andrew groaned at the sight and he slowly pressed his cock into your mouth. You relaxed your throat and breathed through your nose, letting him do whatever he wanted with you.
He slowly eased you onto his cock with a low growl. He needed this more than he thought. He loved how you always knew how to take care of him. Andrew rocked his hips slowly, gripping your hair as he fucked into your mouth. You moaned around his length and looked up at him with soft contented eyes.
Andrew let out a soft whine and he sped up, holding your head in place with both hands. You gagged, tears springing to your eyes, but he didn’t slow down. He wouldn’t unless you tapped him. You knew what you were getting into. You knew that he needed this release.
Andrew groaned and he pressed his cock fully down your throat, holding you in place. You blinked back tears and breathed deeply through your nose as he held you.
“Fuck- Fuck, you feel so good.” He whispered, “You’re so good. Don’t deserve you…I need you. Need you so badly.”
You looked up at him and he resumed fucking your mouth, using you like you were nothing but a toy. You stroked his thigh lovingly. He tightened his hold on your hair until it tugged and felt nice and painful. You groaned around his cock and he fucked you faster.
Andrew panted and you could tell from the way his cock twitched in your mouth that he was getting closer. He fucked your mouth faster and you happily let him. Then just as he was about to cum he pulled his cock out until it was resting on your tongue. You brought your hands up to jerk him off into your mouth and he groaned deeply.
“That’s it, just like that~” He moaned out.
Moments later, Andrew filled your mouth with a deep growl. It reverberated through his chest and filled the space around you. If you hadn’t been soaked before, you absolutely were now. You held his cum in your mouth, letting him get a nice look at it. He groaned and you swallowed it with a wink.
Andrew held you by your hair and he yanked you up. You happily followed his movements, letting him lead you and guide you. His brown eyes were stormy and you could tell he wanted more. He pulled you into a rough kiss, forcing his tongue into your mouth. He needed to taste you. He needed to taste himself on your tongue.
You moaned softly into his mouth and he growled softly. Andrew pulled back and cupped your cheek affectionately. “Tell me what you need,” You whispered breathlessly.
“You.” He replied, “I need you. I need to taste you. I need to make you cum for me, beautiful.”
You groaned and nodded your head. “Yes, please!” You panted out, “Whatever you need, sweet boy.”
Andrew smiled softly and he sank down to his knees in front of you. “Hook your leg over my shoulder.” He ordered softly.
You hummed softly and nodded your head, doing as told. You exposed yourself for him and couldn’t help but sigh and relax against the wall as he pressed soft kisses to your mound and clit. He pressed his tongue to your clit and licked slowly, pressing against you.
You gasped and tangled a hand in his hair. “Yes, please!” You panted out, “Please, Andy. I’ll be so good!”
Andrew let out a low groan at the taste of you and he slid two fingers into you as he licked and sucked on your clit. He fingered you slowly as his tongue pulsed along your clit. You moaned and your thighs shook as he opened you up and played with you.
As much as Andrew liked you on your knees, you thought he was even more breathtaking on his. You looked down at him, your chest heaving as he licked and fingered you. He knew every intricate little way that he could touch you that would edge you closer for him. Your hips rocked slowly as you braced yourself on his back and let him eat you out.
Andrew moaned softly, a quiet little thing. He loved how you tasted. He loved how you whined and shifted for him to take more of you. He loved being the only one to break you apart like this. He crooked his fingers in a ‘come hither’ motion as he searched for your g-spot. He flicked his tongue against your clit, making you cry out as he rubbed your sweet spot.
You were so close. How could you not be when the man of your dreams was doing such sweet things to you. “My sweet boy, my handsome love,” You cooed, panting heavily, “I need--Please! I’m so close, honey!”
Andrew purred at that and he sped up. He shifted to drink you from the source as he fingered you faster. He was egging you on, trying to get you to cum for him. Your thighs quivered and you whined, the sound thready and high pitched, as you felt yourself teeter on the edge.
“Cum for me,” He ordered from between your thighs, “Come on, sweetheart. Cum for me. You know you need it.”
You gasped and let out a loud shout as you came for him. He grinned and began licking you clean as you rode out your high. Your hips stuttered and searched for more, or less, you weren’t sure.
After a few moments, when the overstimulation got to be too much, he slowly pulled back. He looked up at you and smiled slightly. It was more of a slight quirk of his lips than anything. He slowly stood and you pulled him back into your arms as you sighed heavily.
“You did so well for me,” You whispered softly, “My good boy. Let’s get cleaned up and I’ll make you something to eat. Have you eaten?”
Andrew looked away sheepishly. “Not today…”He whispered.
“When?” You asked gently as you began cleaning yourself up.
“Probably a few days ago, honestly…It’s been a rough couple of days.” He muttered.
You just sighed and kissed his cheek. “That’s okay, sweetness.” You said softly, “I’ll make you something to eat, we can cuddle, and you can tell me all about what happened.”
Andrew sighed softly. It was clear that he didn’t want to tell you about what happened. He also knew that you would push if he didn’t. After all, it wasn’t normal for him to stop taking care of himself and show up unannounced in the middle of a storm.
Once you were both cleaned up, you shut the water off and got towels for the both of you. You dried each other off before you led him into your room. You went to your closet and grabbed some of his clothes he’d stashed there. You passed them to him before grabbing some pajamas of your own.
You both got dressed and you took his hand tenderly and led him to the kitchen. “Do you want soup or a sandwich?” You asked as you set him down at your kitchen island.
Andrew was quiet for a moment. “Soup, please.” He murmured softly.
You smiled and kissed his cheek affectionately before going to heat up some chicken noodle soup for him. You’d made it the day before and it was perfect with the storm. Once it was ready, you brought it over to him and kissed him gently. “Eat up and then we’ll curl up in bed and you can tell me everything that happened.” You told him gently, going to grab your wine so you could sit with him.
Andrew slowly began to eat his soup while you sipped your wine. He was quiet, quieter than he normally was. He was mulling something over, trying to decide just how to tell you. You let him sit in his silence. You were able to tell his quietness apart. This wasn’t his angry, brooding silence. This was contemplative quiet. Something bad had happened and he was trying to process to the best of his ability.
You didn’t try to force anything out of him, you just let him do what he needed to. Quietly you asked, “Would you like water, tea, or whiskey?”
Andrew looked over at you. He finished a bite of his food before softly saying, “Whiskey, please.”
You hummed and kissed his cheek before standing. You went and grabbed your best bottle of whiskey, the one he preferred, before grabbing a glass. “Ice?” You asked.
He nodded. You grabbed a few cubes of ice and put them into his cup. Then you poured two fingers of whiskey into the glass. You slid it across your kitchen island to him. “Just breathe,” You said gently, “You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”
Andrew watched you for a moment as you came back around to sit with him. You took a sip of your wine and smiled softly at him. He looked away after a moment, taking a sip of his whiskey and humming in appreciation at the taste. He continued to drink and eat and soon enough he had finished his bowl of soup.
“Good boy,” You praised softly, “You did so well for me. Finish your drink and we’ll go curl up in bed.”
You finished your wine and stood, taking his bowl and your glass to the sink to clean later. You then grabbed two icy water bottles and brought them to the counter. “Once you’re done we’re going to curl up and drink some water.” You said with a small smile, “When was the last time you had water?”
Andrew bit his lip and looked away. “Probably when I ate last.” He said softly, “Been running off of beer for the past few days.”
You sighed and gave him an exasperated look. “You’re going to tell me why once you’re done with your drink.” You ordered gently.
He nodded his head and took another swig. “I will,” He agreed softly, feeling a bit looser and more like himself.
Well, as much as he could feel given the circumstances.
You watched as he slowly drained his glass of whiskey. Once it was finished, you held out your hand. “Glass, please.” You murmured softly.
Andrew nodded and passed the glass over. You took it to the sink to be washed. Then you went over to him and you wrapped your arms around his waist. Andrew shifted in his spot and he clung to you as he rested his head on your shoulder.
“You’re doing so well for me,” You whispered as you reached up to card a hand through his hair, “Such a good boy.”
Andrew simply melted into your touch. He sighed and nuzzled his cheek into your shoulder.
“Wanna go lay down, sweet boy?” You asked softly.
He nodded and he pressed his lips to your shoulder. You hugged him close before letting him go. Andrew followed you as you took his hand. You grabbed the cold bottles of water and led him back to your room.
The lights were low, just a single lamp on. It cast a warm yellow light throughout the room. Your king sized mattress was set up for the night. Your blankets were turned down and the pillows were cool. You moved the blankets enough for him to get into bed. Then you patted the mattress.
“Come lay down, pretty boy.” You murmured softly.
Andrew let out a soft sound and he moved to lay down. You curled up in bed around him, tugging him so that his head was resting against your chest. You pulled the blankets up and around the two of you, keeping you both in the safety and warmth of your room. You let the silence drift for a bit before speaking.
“So what happened, Andy?” You whispered, reaching up to stroke his hair, “What’s got you so upset?”
Andrew bit his lip and he nuzzled his face further into your chest. “She’s gone,” He whispered back after a few moments.
You looked down at him. “What, honey?” You asked, worry in your voice.
“Smurf…She had cancer. Didn’t tell anyone.” He mumbled, “Took us out to the farm my uncle lived on and ran a job there. She tried to kill me. Tried to get me to shoot her. J did it.”
You cupped his cheek as tears welled up in his eyes again. “J killed her?” You asked softly, just wanting confirmation.
Andrew nodded and hid his face as sobs wracked his form again. “Oh sweetheart,” You whispered, “Sweet boy. I’m so sorry.” Part of you were sad, mostly at the fact that he was hurting so badly, but part of you was relieved. You were relieved that she couldn’t traumatize him anymore.
You rubbed his back, tracing your nails over his tank top. You gently ran your nails up and down his spine as he sobbed into your shoulder like a child. “That’s why I haven’t seen you in a few days?” You asked gently. He nodded. “That’s why you haven’t been taking care of yourself.” It was a statement, a fact, not a question.
Andrew whimpered and nodded again. “Oh, angel.” You breathed slowly, “I’m so sorry for your loss. I know….I know she wasn’t the best. I know she hurt you, but losing a parent is always hard…You know I understand.” You had lost your parents. Your mother ten years ago and your father just that year, also from cancer. Andrew had held you as you sobbed into his chest. He had been lost on how to help, but somehow he knew just how to comfort you.
So you did the same for him. You didn’t try to fix it, you just held him and silently let him know that everything was going to be okay. You had him. You rubbed his back as he hiccupped and sobbed into your shoulder and you kissed the top of his head.
“W-what am I supposed to do?” Andrew asked softly, “How am I supposed to handle this?”
You just kissed the top of his head. “You feel it,” You whispered, “You hold it and feel everything and eventually it’ll be easier to handle. You grieve. You grieve the life you should have had, the child you should have been. You grieve the mother she was supposed to be. You grieve who she was.”
Your voice got even quieter as you hugged him tighter, “You do all of those things and remember that I’m not going anywhere. Everything you’re feeling, you aren’t feeling alone. You don’t have to know everything, honey. You just have to take it moment by moment.”
After a few moments of more gut wrenching sobs Andrew slowly began to calm down again. You kissed his hair. Andrew sniffled as you moved to grab the cold water and crack it open. “The worst part is…I know who she was…You know who she was,” He murmured, his throat tight, “And despite everything I miss her. I just want my momma…”
You tipped his face up. “That’s an understandable reaction.” You murmured, “Two things can be true at once. You can be upset that she’s gone and miss her and know the kind of person that she was. You can be mad at her for everything and still wish that things had been better.”
He nodded and sat up slightly so that he could take the water from your hands. You pass it over to him before grabbing your own. “Drink slowly, but I want you to finish that whole bottle.” You said softly, “You’ve been crying a lot and you’re dehydrated and probably a little drunk, aren’t you?”
Andrew sighed and nodded before taking a slow sip. He shifted to curl himself into you as you both drank together. You were both quiet as you drained your waters slowly. Once you were both done you threw the bottles away in your trashcan beside your bed. Then you cupped his cheek. “Want me to hold you, honey?” You asked gently.
Andrew gave you a tired look and he nodded his head. You both scooted down into the bed. You brought the blankets up and around your shoulders. Andrew shifted and he pressed his face into your neck. You wrapped your arms around his body and you hugged him close.
After a few moments you kissed the top of his head. “I know you probably don’t want to think of this now but….Would you like to come stay with me?” You offered gently, “Let me help you? I feel like it would be better for us both if you weren’t alone. I can help you when it all gets too bad or too much. And you can be there for me when I need to be reminded to take a break…”
He looked up at you for a moment before tucking his face back into your neck. “Yeah.” He whispered, “That sounds really nice…”
You smiled and kissed the top of his head again, letting the silence drift around you both. After around fifteen minutes of simply holding him, you spoke again.
“I know you don’t sleep well when you’re stressed, but I want you to try for me.” You murmured gently, “Just close your eyes and focus on my breathing. I’m right here, my love. I’m not going anywhere. You’re safe to sleep.”
Andrew sighed and he did as instructed. It took him a little while, but he eventually fell asleep. His breathing evened out and you closed your eyes with a small smile. You drifted off as well, keeping him close in your arms.
Nothing was alright right now. He had lost the woman who made him into the person he was today. He was grieving and he would be for a long time. Still, you were here. He wouldn’t grieve alone. He would always have someone to have his back. It may not be okay now. It probably wouldn’t be okay for a long time, but he was never going to be alone or unloved again. He had you.