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So what exactly do you do when a bunch of Nomads are stuck on an old battleship in North Carolina during what appears to be a cat three hurricane? Well other than acting like total morons, they decide to throw an impromptu wedding, because somehow Jensen the two eyed wonder knows something about handfasting.
And then Barkovitch had to make a joke that he'd do that with Collie, and Collie already being engaged to the blond weirdo agreed to it. So here in the machine shop of the USS North Carolina, they all squeeze in like a bunch of drowned rats.
Ray decides to erase the chalkboard that Grace (North Carolina) had in there, which definitely takes ten years off his life. He quickly wrote "Collie and Gary's wedding," while Richard comes in drawing little flowers, and stick people, which has Pete snorting watching the two.
Stebbins found this Easter arch thing from an old Easter event back in the day, he found it in a closet with a bunch of other stuff that Grace either collected or it was from back when this place was a museum.
Art managed to find a box of fake flowers and within about thirty minutes of Hank on his shoulders and a flashlight in Hank's mouth they made it less Easter vibes and more wedding vibes.
Zuck came in with this very sad cake from Tressler's bakery, it was from Marty's party but ‘someone not naming names’ sorta stepped on it once or twice.
He put it on a table attempting to fix it aka making it looked less stepped on, but there's nothing he can do to mask it, Curly attempts to help Zuck by pulling out these wooden figures from his pack and quickly drawing little faces on them before putting them on the cake.
Zuck tilts his head because they kinda do resemble Collie and Barkovitch, if you squint.
Caden went and grabbed the rope that Jensen needs from that aforementioned closet.
Pete, Art, and Hank push this old heavy thing out of the way to make more space, it in protest to this makes this god awful screeching sound.
Moriarty (Ireland) swears watching them do this is giving him grey hairs, he put his arm around Grace who looks like he's about to have a nervous breakdown.
"That's historical." Grace says, all high pitched and whiny.
Eventually without destroying anymore historical objects they get to the room to their liking.
So it means it's time, that is if Barkovitch can unzip his rain jacket, mostly because he's nervous.
"Okay, I need some help here."
Ray didn't even hesitate for a second, he comes over helping Barkovitch out of his rain jacket, feeling like a dad in this moment wishing his dad was there when he married Pete.
He feels himself getting emotional in that moment, he's not sure if it's from him realizing that he wished his dad was there when he got married or the fact Barkovitch is finally getting married.
Hank whispers something quietly to Art before sneaking up behind Collie.
"I noticed you don't have a best man, you want me to fill that role?"
Richard looks up at hearing Hank saying that because apparently he's got super hearing, Collie just looks between them before gesturing to the spot next to him.
He then also pointed towards Naomi (Florida) and Patrick before pointing to the spot next to Barkovitch in a slient way of saying you're his best men deal with it.
"No fighting over this, it's done."
Everyone always listens to Collie because there's no peep or complaint after that, Hank just stands next to Collie with Richard looking proud as ever while Patrick is already crying.
Tressler notices they don't have power for music. It's a wedding, there needs to be music. It can't be silent.
"There's no power for any music."
And that's when Rank ran in, completely out of breath because do you know how big the USS North Carolina is? Anyway he's got this random ass windchime, he found in the gift shop of all place. He then proceeds to stand on something that is definitely causing Grace to stroke out while taking something down he shouldn't be just to put it up.
He then smacks it hard enough so it continuously chimes without needing the wind.
Pete is the next one to interrupt because he can't help but notice that the lanterns are giving slumber party vibes and not wedding vibes.
"Okay, I'm sorry but is this best we can do for the lights."
Then Curly and Elmo who's attach to his arm come running in holding a box of candles, again from the aforementioned closet of museum events.
So it's another thirty minutes of carefully setting up candles in strategic places so nothing historical melts and or catches fire, cause Grace's head will explode, and Larson is the only one with a lighter.
But once the room is filled with nothing but candlelight it's beautiful and so much more romantic.
Ray looks towards Pete, who's looking around the now beautifully decorated machine shop, Marty had even added battery powered fairy lights using a random ladder he found and dragged in here, using tape to quickly hang it up.
"Now this is it." Ray mumbles, smiling softly at Pete, who isn't paying attention to him in the slightest.
Jensen coughs to get everyone's attention, because he's ready whenever they're done screwing around.
Collie and Barkovitch turn towards him, both giddy from the emotions of it all.
"We are gathered here today to unite two souls as one, do you Collie Jett Parker and Gary Myles Barkovitch join us here of your own free will, to acknowledge the eternal bond shared by both of you?"
Collie didn't even think about it, because yes he was going along with Barkovitch but standing here now next to him? It just felt right, it felt like it was meant to be.
"I do, one hundred percent."
Barkovitch didn't waste a second after Collie answers, because he's feeling the exact same way as him.
"Hell yea I do."
Jensen can't believe he's doing this, but to be honest he couldn't be happier, he gestures for them to face each other with his hands.
"You guys can face each other, join hands, Collie if you have vows, you can say them now."
Barkovitch turns towards Collie, looking at him with so much love and devotion that it's insane. He takes Collie's hands, watching as he ponders for a second.
"Gary, I've loved you since the first time I saw you. And this, these words, are simply a way to show everyone what's been in my heart for as long as I've known you. I love you, Gary Myles Barkovitch. I always have and always will, and nothing will ever change that."
Jensen wipes his eyes, he looks towards Barkovitch who's trying not to get emotional.
"Gary?"
Barkovitch doubts his words will be as beautiful as Collie's, but he's gonna try.
"Collie Parker, we have been through so much together it's not even funny. And despite everything you were always there, no matter what. You deserve to be adored, so that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna adore you for years to come. I'm so terribly in love with you and I always will be, nothing will ever change that."
Jensen lifts his sunglasses to wipe his eyes, he eventually pushes them up to the top of his head.
"Here before witnesses Gary and Collie have sworn their vows to each other, with this cord I bind them to those vows."
Jensen carefully wraps the rope around their wrists, which made Barkovitch squeeze Collie's hand just to make sure this is really happening right now.
Jensen looks towards everyone, hoping he can coordinate them all to do this part: "Repeat after me..."
"Heart to thee, body to thee, always and forever so mote it be."
Surprisely they actually all manage to say it together without sounding like a creepy cult.
They all listen as thunder roars outside at like the most perfect time ever. Like it's a blessing from the gods themselves, at the same time the old ship creaks from the river knocking against it.
Art couldn't take it anymore, practically jumping with excitement because that was their sign this is meant to be.
"Kiss him!"
Collie has the biggest smile on his face as he kisses Barkovitch. Who's softly laughing to himself, but he didn't hesitate to kiss Collie back. He just embraces him, really going for it as the guys wolf whistle at them.
They were only broken apart by Curly going:
"Who wants cake?"
He says this while holding up the sad wedding cake, which isn't a wedding cake at all.
Collie and Barkovitch just look at each other , they both shrug thinking what the hell, they're married.
Nothing is gonna change that.
For better or worse.
Curly doesn’t wait for an answer, he's already halfway across the room, holding the poor, battered cake like it’s something sacred or made by Elmo. Who's currently sat dangerously next to a candle.
The candles flicker as Curly finally sets it down, their light catching every dent and fingerprint pressed into the frosting.
"Alright," Curly says, clapping his hands once, like this is the most official reception anyone’s ever had. "Nobody breathe too hard on it or near it."
"That thing’s already been through worse," Pete mutters, leaning against Ray, arms crossed but smiling anyway.
Zuck hovers nearby still trying to smooth the icing with the back of a spoon that he found, that could possibly be from 1942. It doesn’t help any. If anything, it makes it look more like a crime scene.
"Just stop," Art says, grabbing Zuck’s wrist. "You’re making it sadder."
"It was already sad to begin with Arthur," Zuck shoots back.
"Now it's worse Zuckerberg."
Meanwhile, someone, probably Marty to be honest, is attempting to fix a lantern that keeps flickering on and off by itself. Either it has rain water in the electronics or a ghost is trying to communicate via morse code.
The storm continued howling outside wind rattling through the ship, thunder rolling low and constant, but in here it feels…smaller, warmer.
Collie and Barkovitch end up side by side on an old crate someone dragged over. Their hands still loosely tied together with the rope, neither of them bothering to undo it just yet.
"Think we should cut it?" Barkovitch asks, nodding toward the cake.
"With what exactly?" Collie asks.
They both look around, in which everyone else does to but there's clearly no knife hidden anywhere.
Then Hank just goes, "Oh, absolutely not," already shaking his head like he knows exactly where this is going.
Barkovitch leans forward anyway, grinning. "We improvise."
"Gareth..."
It's too late, he just scoops a chunk out of the side of the cake with his hand, frosting smears everywhere one of the little wooden figures Curly made tipping sideways in the process.
There's a collective groan from everyone.
"Oh my god."
That's disgusting."
Barkovitch ignores all of them and turns back to Collie, holding out the messiest handful of cake imaginable.
"For you my darling," he says, like he’s offering something priceless.
Collie just stares at it for a second, then he laughs, not a polite laugh, not a quiet one, it's full, bright, and completely unfiltered. Cutting through the noise of the storm like it doesn’t stand a chance.
"Yeah," he says, leaning forward. "Alright, what the hell."
He takes a bite straight from Barkovitch’s hand, frosting and all, the room erupts from wolf whistles, clapping, and Florida banging on a piece of metal like a drum. Which makes Grace let out this strangled noise.
"Disgusting isn't it brother?" Moriarty mutters, nudging his little brother in the shoulder.
"It's romantic reminds me of mine and Larson's reception," Patrick corrects.
Collie swallows, then immediately reaches down and returns the favor, grabbing his own uneven chunk of cake. It’s worse somehow, more lopsided, definitely more stepped on.
Barkovitch doesn’t hesitate, just leans in and takes a bite, frosting getting smeared across his cheek in the process.
"Perfect," he says, mouth full.
"Liar."
"Best cake I've ever had."
"Gary, this objectively terrible."
"Do not ruin this for me."
They both start laughing again leaning into each other, shoulders knocking together, the rope between their wrists shifts tightening slightly, but neither of them pulls away.
Around them, the others settle in wherever they can, sitting on crates, leaning against machinery, crowded close to the candlelight.
Curly passes pieces of cake around with zero concern for hygiene, Zuck eventually gives up fixing it and just starts handing out chunks much to Tressler's dismay.
Ray watches it all, Pete nudges him lightly with his shoulder.
Pete then glances over at Collie and Barkovitch, who are now arguing about whether the wooden figures actually look like them.
"They're happy."
Ray nods. "They are."
There’s another roll of thunder, louder this time, the ship creaking in response. The candles flicker, shadows shifting across the walls.
But nobody moves, nobody rushes, because in that moment it’s just them, cake passed hand to hand, laughter bouncing off steel walls, and candlelight catching in tired eyes and soft smiles.
It's not perfect or planned, no it's real, and that's more than they could ever ask for.