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They say that, in the moments just before death, your brain plays a collection of its greatest hits.
Memories, the ones you couldn't forget if you tried, the ones you always tried to forget – but never quite got there,– the achievements, the words you never could let go of, the friend you had in the first grade, the time you figured out a question mid exam, all the hugs, and cries, and laughter, and love, ingrained someplace deep in your brain, never really thrown away.
Perhaps it's your mind's final goodbye, to its consciousness, having always been one, and now forced apart, both leaving a world it has called home for so many years.
Now, Lloyd thinks, he has not been alive for nearly enough of those years.
It’s odd, in a way. The boy had always felt out of place within these earthly confines, anywhere he went. From when he was the newborn child of the dark lord, a misfit toddler; eyes too bright for his own mothers comfort, a sorry excuse for a young villain, a homeless juvenile delinquent, the annoying niece of Wu, the so special green ninja. A savior to all.
Right now, he didn't feel like a savior. In fact, he never had.
Because of this, Lloyd used to wonder what it would be like to die. Maybe he could finally belong somewhere, floating high above the stars he so frequently watched, hoping to join them. He had had plenty of time to ponder; Lloyd knew he was not going to make it. He had known, long before the mental battle against Morro was over, ending in the ghosts triumph. He figured it was confirmed as soon as Lloyds weak and emaciated body was released from his ghostly captor's grasp, beginning it’s plunge into the murky body of water.
Lloyd's eyes snapped open. His entire body went rigid as the ninja hit the water, shocked by the freezing temperature. All the fatigue was gone as he’d gone into fight or flight mode, everything in him screaming help, and body immediately following any instincts for survival, frantically searching for any means of escape from this watery prison.
He held his breath, gawking at the water and greens slipping past his body, likewise moved by the current. The pressure of it becoming too much to bear in such a state. It sat on his lungs, pressing down with what felt like the weight of an elephant.
Lloyd gasped for breath, simply driven on instinct. He needed air, to get air he needed to breathe, and yet was met with only liquid running into him, burning like all fire as it was forced down his throat.
His brain was stunned for a moment, uncomputing of why it hurt so much, why he couldn’t fucking breathe, he needed air, holy hell–
Fear grasped at him and the young ninja scrambled again, desperately trying to claw at the water, at anything, feeling only slimy algae burying itself under his nails as he tried to grab rocks. Someone is going to save him, they have to. His brothers have to. He coughed harshly, inaudible and ineffective in this bloody hell of a cave, in this damn river!
This truly was the end.
Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon, erased from the world at 13.
No.
No, nonono, he had to do something, anything, think you stupid brain get out get out get out–
As one might imagine, rationalizing could not be any more difficult when your lungs are screaming at you for oxygen, while you feel completely and utterly powerless in your own body, barely able to fight against the current, energy sapped so long ago.
No, not one bit of Lloyd's impending death was rational.
He kept coughing, unable to stop gulping down the saltwater, a mix of some horrid trickery in which he felt air was coming eventually, it had to, and being physically unable to stop inhaling, as water kept washing into him, each wave bringing more agony than the last. He couldn't think at all, just hopelessly wishing for salvation as it built up, a heavy block of magma in his chest, weighing down and growing each second alongside his panic, except there was nowhere for it to go.
Help. Please. Anyone.
Black spots danced in his vision, a thoughtless cloud growing steadily in his consciousness, fighting against his need to escape.
Except his body could no longer fight, no matter how much he wanted it to. He was going limp.
Out of options, Lloyd.
The pain began to drift away, in the back burner of his mind.
Lloyd had been over scenarios of his death countless times over the years. There had been so many times –too many times– he thought he was, actually, going to die. But through all his daydreams, it was never like this.
It was always by the cruel hand of destiny, or a desperate attempt to save his his family, the ruthless winters at darkleys, an unfortunate stroke of luck, facing his duty to heroically save the world (again), always the slice of an enemy sword, or even, at one time, his own choice…
Never had he imagined it would be so soon.
Never had he imagined he would have a reason to stay.
Never had he imaged five reasons – His adoptive brothers and sister, or even his uncle, and late father, and his mother, and anyone else in this city that counted on him. His family.
FSM, he loved them all so, so much.
…Lloyd didn’t want to die.
But it wasn’t his choice. This was not in his control (most things weren’t.) Not when the spots in his vision are growing bigger, and his brain is shutting down, when he can’t feel his lungs, or his arms and legs and head and, and–
He looks up.
There's not much sunlight down here, though a few beams of light shine through the water. Its surface ripples so gracefully, carrying the little light. It looks emerald green down here.
Pretty.
Through the haze, he thinks he can hear familiar voices. They call out to him, welcoming him to the departed realm. Lloyd, buddy – come on! Help! I can’t reach him! Where is he!? I don’t see anything! It’s too dark, he could be anywhere…
Huh. His family calls. Maybe he’ll see them again one day.
Slowly, Pictures begin to flash in his mind. Greatest hits.
He sees so many colors, shapes, people, places. They're all his most important memories.
He sees when his mother dropped him off at Darkleys boarding school, only four years old. She refuses to meet his eyes as he is hurried inside, handed over to a stranger. His cries go ignored, and he yells for his mommy, please, don’t leave me! Misako doesn't look back. He wonders if she ever regretted it, with all her talk of preventing the prophecy. However she has long since made it up to Lloyd these last two years. He has no hate left inside to hold, releasing it along with his consciousness and he drifts. More moments flash by.
He sees so many times he was hurt. By other kids, and teachers, mean words and fists thrown at him. Others on the streets of Ninjago. Scraped knees and a tight throat become familiar once again, reliving.
But there are good memories. So, so many of them. He can’t catch them all, they pass by acknowledged in his eyes. Here he sees the greater parts of his childhood. He sees his uncle Wu, reading to him before bed, a show of kindness Lloyd had long since forgotten existed in his world.
His family is all there, the ones he chose ,and who chose him. His brothers, Kai, Cole, Zane, Jay, and his sister Nya. The people he loves most in this world, as siblings and friends and teammates. In a way, this is his goodbye to them. Remembering them one last time, all those he loves.
Memories of their hugs, and kind words, acceptance and love. The first time Kai gave him a haircut. Helping Zane cook breakfast. Video game tournaments with Jay as they laugh harder than ever before. Birdwatching with Cole, helping Nya recover as Samurai X long before the rest of them knew. He sees them all together, piled on the couch watching some movie Jay definitely picked, cuddling and falling asleep together. He felt all their love, and warmness, for the last time.
Pulled, Lloyd watches his father, standing tall with and easy smile, gazing at him and his mother. Lloyd knows he will see him again very soon. Such a thought is comforting.
The memories are getting weaker, fading; his time is almost done. Just a little longer and he will leave this world behind.
However, his last memories are filled with grief. They are dim, but powerful. He sees Morro, snarking at him, looking for all the world that he was invincible and Lloyd was nothing. He's losing control of his body all over again, forced to endure, hurting his family. Watching the world fall to fear, hearing that I’m stronger Lloyd, and there's nothing you can do! His brothers looks at him, wide eyed in terror and shock, Morro threatening the realm crystal as Lloyd shuts his eyes; blocking out the pain. It hurts all over again, realizing he has left Ninjago hopeless and his family alone. He has let them all down, and now Ninjago will pay.
But he believes in his loved ones. They will find a way. They will carry on without Lloyd, just as they had before. He finds comfort in that, clinging to it.
The pictures dim. It’s all clear now.
His eyes drift shut of their own accord, Lloyd's body long since lifeless.
One last thought, there is, before the world goes completely dark, and his mortal flesh consumed by the wet grave below;
They would be okay.