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When Petronille's little sibling had returned to their little home in Bambouche, she didn't think it would be with an entire entourage. In hindsight, she doesn't know exactly what she thought, but she did not expect the party they had trailing with them.
They truly were a mismatched bunch of individuals. From the middle aged researched to the short bright one in the darkless cloak, they were all very, very different.
It was no surprise that Bonnie fit in well. They had always drifted to the oddballs of the world.
However, Nille didn't know where she fit into it.
The group Bonnie had made themselves a part of were all friendly people. They were good to her, overwhelmingly accepting. They all cared for Bonnie much like she did, encouraging them with the gentle words neither of them got at home. It's fun to watch Bonnie listen along to Odile and Mirabelle talking about books they clearly don't understand; she enjoyed the pranks they played on Isabeau (not Za, she reminded herself), especially when the fighter lifts them off their feet and spins them in a -- what looks like bone-crushing -- hug. She even found them tailing the cloak of Siffrin rather sweet, seeing as all they did was pester the poor rogue with questions about... something she has yet to be filled in on. Something about a loop? To his credit, Siffrin has been nothing but sweet to Bonnie in turn, which is nice.
But... Nille feels like she's missing something. There's something they all have with each other that she isn't a part of. Bonnie insists that she's one of them now, lumping her into this little "family" they've made of themselves. That's... nice, she supposes. She appreciates the effort, but it doesn't help the weird gap in her knowledge that the rest of them don't have.
There's some incident that they don't talk about. Something that causes the entire group to get quiet and uncomfortable. Something about Siffrin that she doesn't know. Whenever she asks Bonnie, they tell her they don't really get it either. They tend to get lost whenever Siffrin tries to explain it.
... She doesn't know how to ask the others.
They wouldn't be angry. She knows they're nothing like her parents, but...
... But nothing. She's... She's not scared, but she's cautious. Because while they're good people, she doesn't know them very well. They all know each other so intimately, like a true flesh-and-blood family, and she just doesn't. It's the sort of thing that makes someone feel like they're just... tagging along. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. She knows they won't leave her behind, because they won't leave Bonnie and Bonnie has been insistent on keeping her there.
But that's probably the only thing keeping her there.
She has so many questions she wants answers to. She doesn't know if they'll ever get them. Questions about moments right now, actually.
From an outside perspective, no one could notice anything off. Not at first, at least. Nille is just someone who knows how to recognize changes in behavior; she had to in order to keep her and Bonnie safe. And Siffrin is never this quiet. He might be rather passive, preferring to listen along to conversations rather than contributing, but they make more noises than they seem to realize. Little hums and snorts of laughter that show they're listening to their family.
Right now, he is doing none of those things.
He's just staring. Nille doesn't know what he could possibly be looking at, but it's definitely not any of the other party members.
She knows she's been staring too long when Madame Odile looks at her, brows furrowed and eyes narrowed in confusion. The other woman has a very powerful ability to make anyone she's looking at harrow in shame if she perceives any sort of "off" behavior. But the Madame follows her gaze instead of continuing her scrutiny, and finds the center of Nille's worries.
Madame Odile sighs. "Siffrin..." When they don't respond, she steps over to him. "Siffrin? Are you there?" She draws the attention of the rest of the group, who turn to stare at Siffrin much like Nille is now.
In a moment so fast she could've missed it, their faces all shift to concern. Mirabelle and Isabeau take their places beside them and Madame Odile gently waves her hand in front of his face. Bonnie shuffles over and looks up at them with a soft, "Frin?"
Siffrin blinks quickly and looks down at Bonnie before turning their eyes up to Madame, their cheeks darkening with embarrassment. He smiles and chirps out a little, "Yeah?"
"Have you not been paying attention this entire time?" Belle -- Mirabelle, she corrects herself -- moves to put a hand on his shoulder, but waits for them to see before she does.
They make an odd face of discontent. "... Sorry."
"It's okay, Sif," Isabeau says with a smile. "You good?" They nod and say no more.
Change, she doesn't understand any of this. There is something she's missing, and she hates when that happens. It's not fun being out of the loop on something that seems as important as this. Despite that, this is clearly none of her business.
... She should give them all some space.
She turns back to their current campsite just outside of town (they’re in some little village near the coast of Vauguarde -- Sâbortuaire, she thinks -- which is a little south of her home Bambouche; lovely little place all around). She glances back before leaving completely, and jumps when she meets the bright eye of Siffrin staring right back at her.
She skitters off rather quickly after that.
She hopes none of them take it personally, just... She's really sick and tired of not understanding what any of them are talking about. She'd rather just hang back in her tent than be a part of that kind of conversation.
She huddles down in the tent she and Bonnie share, digging through her things to find something to do. There's an odd feeling in her stomach. Guilt, maybe.
The tent rustles and she finds Bonnie shuffling their way inside loudly. They're frowning at her already.
"Hey, bug," she hums with a smile. "What's up?"
They drop down in front of her on the other side of the tent, staring at her with wide eyes. "What's wrong with you?" Ah, crab.
"Nothing?" She huffs. "I'm fine. Just sick of the boring adult crab."
Bonnie's mouth opens and they murmur a small 'ohh...' "Oh yeah! You just need some space! Dile and Frin are like that sometimes?"
She lets herself smile. "Yeah?"
"Yeah!" Bonnie bounces in place a little. "They love us, but sometimes they need a little time to themselves! It's just how they are."
"That's nice, bug." She hums and looks down at the wood carving she's been working on for months. It hasn't gone anywhere, and she's started it over almost five different times. She only barely knows what she wants to do with it...
Bonnie leans over to her. "... Are you sure you're okay?" Their voice softens Nille wants to rectify any and all reasons that would have happened almost immediately. She can't just leave them upset like that.
"I'm sure, Bon." She smiles before ruffling their hair a little under the hat. "Have you got everything ready for dinner? I'm sure the others wanna know what you've got waiting."
They gasp in glee and jump to their feet. "I need to get ready!" They rush out of the tent.
Nille breathes a soft sigh. She loves her little sibling, she really does.
She just needs a moment to think.
She picks the wood back up in her hands.
Time to start again.
The dying light of the campfire is all the light she needs right now. Working on the block of wood in her hands once more, she chips and carves at it and tries with all her might to find the shape she wants it to be. Most of everyone else has gone to bed, so it's just her and the withering light for company.
Since the whole deal with the King and the near destruction of Vauguarde, sleep has been fleeting and difficult for Nille. The nightmares are too fresh in her memory to bear and the thought of waking up frozen still haunts her. It's not like she slept very well before, but the whole freezing-the-entire-country-in-time thing definitely didn't do her any favors. So instead of dealing with more nightmares of her little sibling not making it, she spends her nights like this; whittling away at wooden blocks with little more than firelight for company.
What she never expects is to have companions on nights like these.
So when a bright shape shuffles out from one of the tents, sitting themselves on a log adjacent to where she's sat, calling her startled would be putting it lightly. Siffrin had always been quiet, according to Bonnie, but they said whatever incident had made him even more so. Quieter, the party had said; deadlier, she knew they meant.
... That's pushing it. The group loves their little bright spot. it seems.
She's just overly cautious.
Siffrin doesn't say anything when they first sit down, just calming staring into the dimming fire. The light reflects off of their face and makes every dip and contour stronger by tenfold. With their hair falling down in front of their eyes, it's difficult for Nille to see their gaze at all.
She turns back to the wood in her hands, tools picking up speed once more. She ignores the sudden jumpiness in her bones.
"... Hi," Siffrin says quietly. They thankfully do no not comment when she jumps.
"... Hi yourself." She sounds nervous. She shouldn't be nervous. It's just Frin, Bonnie would say. But she wouldn't, she supposes, because he's just Siffrin to her.
They sit there, the two of them, in silence for a long moment. The only sounds are the crackling of the fire and the faint breeze rustling through the trees. She fights to keep her eyes downcast, resisting looking at her new company. She had become aware that Siffrin had many issues with sleep and the like, but they seemed to prefer to keep that to themselves. But no... He's here.
After another few moments, he speaks once more.
"What are you making?" Nille turns to look at them.
"Just... carving." She looks away. Truth be told, she has no idea what she's trying to cave, but that's embarrassing to admit out loud. Doing something just to do something? Without even knowing what it is? Change, she sounds like a child.
"Carving what?" She can hear the smile in his voice. "Looks interesting."
She frowns down at her hands. It certainly doesn't look interesting. It doesn't look like anything. "... just carving."
"Nothing specific?"
She shakes her head.
Siffrin hums. "It can be like that sometimes. I've done that before."
"You have?" She looks up at him.
They smile at her. His face is softened, friendly looking and almost harmless. She knows it's purposeful, a farce maybe; she doesn't know if that's reassuring or terrifying.
"Yeah! Every once in a while. I like having things to do with my hands." They pause, looking into the fire. "Helps me stop thinking so much, too."
"Is that why you're still up?" She wants to slap herself. She's not supposed to be asking these things. Why would Siffrin talk to her about this?
Siffrin just shrugs. "Yeah... Is it the same for you?"
She... nods. Then looks away. Siffrin has that look in his eyes that feels like he knows too much. It's old and wise, as if he's lived longer than he actually has. It makes her feel like a kid.
"... Maybe."
He sighs, sitting more upright. "Nille... Would..." She turns to look at them. They look like they'd rather shove their dagger in their own food rather than be talking right now, but they continue regardless. "... Would you like to talk about it?"
The thought of doing that makes her want to vomit. But things have been so difficult and... She wonders if maybe, just maybe, it would feel better. Maybe just a little. Even if it hurts, even if it feels bad in the moment, it could be...
... She's just hoping.
She takes a deep breath. "I dunno... Just... Sleep is hard." She watches as Siffrin nods slowly.
"I understand." They take a deep breath as well. "Sometimes it's difficult. Nights can feel lonelier than they are." Nille feels that's an understatement, honestly. Even with the King gone, it's hard to feel safe in this world.
"Yeah..." She looks up into the sky. "There's a lot to think about."
They sit there in silence once more. Nille feels herself unwinding a little. It's nice out here, in the late, dark night, quiet and easy to lose yourself in. Even the stars in the sky seem a bit brighter.
She jumps when Siffrin speaks again. "... I noticed you seemed put off earlier." He turns to look at her, shoulders shifting under his bright cloak. "Is... Do you-"
"It's none of my business," she interjects. "Really, I get it. You guys have been through a lot."
Siffrin's brows furrow. "So it was that."
"What?"
One gloved hand peaks out from under his cloak, waving about in a vague gesture. "I asked Bonnie if you were okay earlier, after you had run off. They said not to worry about it, but..." They sigh. "I know all of this seems odd."
Odd is a crabbing understatement. "I told you, it's fine. It's no-"
"-None of your business, I know." They hold their hand up to silence her. Little rude, but okay. "You said that already, but it is your business now. Because you're with us now. It... It's not right for you to not have any idea what's happening."
She clenches her jaw. "... Bonnie doesn't have an idea." Her voice comes out a little sharper than she means it to. That's... That's not great, she supposes.
"Bon's a kid, I don't expect them to understand it. And they do have some idea, it's just... Hard to explain in simple words."
Siffrin takes a deep breath in and out. Nille's seen him do it many times now. It's rubbed off on everyone a little, she supposes. "It's... You understand how time loops work, right?"
"Yeah, I know how a time loop works-" She scoffs. "What does that-?"
"I'm explaining," he cuts her off. "I just- I'm... Stalling a little, sorry..." He laughs stiffly. "So... The King was using something called Time Craft. It's- It takes a lot of explaining to understand, but you're smart. I think you get it."
She nods... She really doesn't get it. Not much, at least, but she can grasp the general idea. Time Craft, Crafting time, sure. Makes sense. Freezing people in time, like what happened to her... She shudders just thinking about that.
"And there's also something called Wish Craft, which is ten times more complicated, so I don't expect you to get it either. It's just- Crafting wishes, either via ritual or sheer will."
That... Makes less sense. Crafting wishes? With that kind of thing, someone could wreck the very laws of reality. That seems utterly impossible.
"The general idea is that the King used Wish Craft and Time Craft in order to freeze all of Vauguard." He looks to her, waiting for her to nod, and continues when she does. "See, the Kind was deeply attached to Vauguarde and wanted to preserve it in time for... his reasons." He grimaces suddenly.
"... We don't have to talk about those," she mumbles. "Just get to the point."
They nod. "Well... Something similar happened to me, I guess." Siffrin stares into the campfire. "With wishes, and time... Though instead of freezing the country, I... trapped myself." He sighs.
"... In a time loop?"
"In a time loop, yes."
"... But you're here now? So you got out."
They smile. "I did. With a lot of help, I did."
She nods. "Is... Is that what you all talk about? The... looping?" Her chest feels tight.
They nod back.
"Oh..." She looks away from him, swallowing around the lump in her throat. It makes sense.
They're still looking at her. She can feel it. "... Nille."
"Mhm?"
"I'm telling you this because I want to."
"I know..."
"I'm telling you because you deserve to know. Because you're one of us now." They pause, and their voice softens. "Even if you don't feel like it."
"I didn't say that," she mumbles.
"You didn't have to."
Siffrin stands up from the log they were sitting at, shuffling over to Nille softly and sitting down beside her with an odd sort of grace. She shrinks away from them on impulse.
"... Because I get it," he says lowly. "It's... I want you to know that you have a place here. We were all very excited to meet you after we beat the King, y'know?" She must look surprised, because he laughs. "I mean, Bonbon had a lot of good things to say about you. We were all curious... I can say they were right about you."
"Right about what?" She tries her best to keep her voice from trembling. It does regardless. Crab.
"You're awesome." He smiles. "And I think you should know that."
She sniffles against her will. She's not going to cry, but she feels like she could if they keep talking like this. Siffrin's smile drops a little and they reach one hand out to her cautiously. They say nothing, but she understands, and nods. Their gloved hand is surprisingly warm on her shoulder.
"We all want you to be here, Nille." The softness in their tone makes her choke. "I know it takes a little getting used to, but we're not going anywhere. You'll figure it out soon enough."
She wipes at her eyes and nose with her empty hand. Siffrin is still smiling at her, ridiculously kind. She wishes she hated it as much as she should.
"Breathe with me?" He asks. She nods.
She takes a deep breath with him, in and out. Phew. Change, she needed that. She looks up and finds Siffrin still smiling at her. As if she's worth smiling at; she's starting to believe she might be.
"Okay?" He hums.
She nods. "Yeah..." She smiles. "... Thank you, Frin."
Their smile widens nearly tenfold, but he's clearly trying to keep it under control. His hand falls from her shoulder. "Yeah. We're all here for you, if you want to talk to any of us..." He pauses and huffs a laugh. "Even when it's hard."
"Even when I don't want to?"
"Especially when you don't want to."
She laughs. She can't help it. "Even if it's stupid?"
"Even if it's stupid!" He laughs with her. It's nice.
She grins up at them. "Cool. I'll... Keep that in mind." Siffrin looks proud at that. She doesn't acknowledge how happy that makes her.
They lull back into silence. She's still smiling to herself. The quiet is nicer this time, no where nearly as awkward as before. She looks at the tools in her hands and thinks again.
"... You also carve wood," she states.
Frin nods. "I do!"
"Got any ideas?" She holds out the wood and tools to them.
He smiles at her. "Stars, do I? Let me see."
The pair of them spend a good time sitting by the dying campfire, talking about a variety of things. From wood carving, to the stars, to all the stupid jokes Nille pretends aren't funny. But she laughs this time.
Nille is happy.
She thinks things might be good this time.
The party has made their way from the little village of Sâbortuaire and have instead decided to head further south once more. Nille thinks they'll probably make a stop mid-way to Jouvente, but that's what they're aiming for (she thinks). She knows Za hasn't been home for a while.
She's never really been outside of Bambouche for this long, nor this far. Her parents weren't very travel savvy, and she certainly didn't have the time to travel and take care of Bonnie. It's part of why she loves being with the group so much.
Because she does love spending time with them. This journey has offered her more than she ever could've wanted.
She's beginning to understand why they all call each other family.
She stands beside Frin, walking along with them as the part go on random stories from their journey, ones she hasn't heard before. Neither her nor Siffrin say much during these stories, but they laugh along nonetheless.
She thinks the rest lost the point a while ago. Not that it matters.
First they were talking about the day before fighting the King, then they were talking about the journey to Dormont, and now Bonnie and Za are going on about... A Sadness, she thinks.
"It was crazy strong, Nille! You wouldn't believe it!" Bonnie bounds up beside her.
"I can believe it, bug."
"But! But it was taller than ZA!" They jump towards the aforementioned fighter, tugging on his sleeve. "And like- It knocked him on his crabbing butt!"
"Hey! It did no such thing!" He bellows, laughing. "I beat it to a pulp!"
Odile glances over at him. "You did not, Isabeau. In fact, I believe it was Siffrin who had to make sure the Sadness didn't attack you."
Bonnie grins. "After you fell on your crabbing butt!"
"Yes, after that." The older woman smiles.
"So Za had to have his partner save him?" Nille snickers. "Wow. So much for being a big strong man, huh?"
Isa pauses, cheeks darkening before he chuckles to himself. Gross, but sweet. "What can I say? I'm nonconformist."
Sif looks over their shoulder at him. "Sure you are, honey." Za makes a weird noise in his throat, something sort of like a squeak, which sends Frin into a fit of giggles.
"Eugh, gross." Nille wrinkles her nose before giggling as well.
"Za, are you dying?" Bonnie tugs on his shirt.
He quickly covers his darkening face with his hand. "Yep- Great- Awesome- Just- Just crabbing fantastic..." He grumbles into his palm.
"Isabeau!" Mirabelle laughs. "Your face is so dark! Are you sure you're okay?" She's giggling, cause she already knows the answer.
"MmHMM!" He grumbles again.
Nille finds herself laughing aloud.
She likes these people.
She wants to stay with them.
... She thinks she will.