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Ace and Deuce decide to have their heat at the same time.
Okay, so you actually do know that they did not decide to do this. But since they did decide that they were gonna pack up half their things and drag their sorry butts over to Ramshackle House to 'ride it out', which means that they are officially Your Problem until they're done, and they both also decided to do this independent of each other and only figured it out in time to fight overt the guest room, you're holding them fully responsible.
Especially since they also decided this was gonna be the case after they informed Riddle that they were taking their allotted days off for their heats but before they told you, which means shipping one or both of them back to the dorm is going to require dealing with Heartslabyul rules and logistical nonsense.
Riddle has gotten better, that doesn't mean you want to hash out whether or not you need to file paperwork to send your idiots back to their own beds for the next couple of days.
And okay, maybe you are, just a little teenie tiny bit, kind of flattered that they apparently trust you enough to watch their backs while they're incapacitated on wacky magic world hormones.
"If you guys both share the room for your heat, will you end up having sex or something?" you wonder.
Both of them look at you in horror.
"No?" Deuce says, spreading his hands in the unspoken gesture for 'why would you even ask that'. Then Ace looks slightly offended at him.
"I mean, we could. If we wanted to. It's not like it's illegal or anything..."
"We wouldn't have sex because we don't want to have sex with each other!"
"Obviously, but you don't have to look that offended about it, it's not like I'm hideous!"
"Are you seriously fishing for reassurance about your looks right now?"
"I'm in pre-heat! And I'm not fishing I am a legit snack!"
You press your fingers to the bridge of your nose, and decide you're not getting into this. It doesn't sound like being in heat in proximity is going to addle their judgment so badly that they fall into bed and then regret it in the morning. Which is good, because you hadn't been totally clear on if that was a risk for two Omegas or not.
You know that there is a lot of media in this world where an Alpha and Omega in proximity to one another's heats is a bad combo, but you're also not sure if the lust-filled madness in trash fiction is an accurate reflection of reality or just, trash fiction being trash fiction. The extent to which the hormones take over any given person's higher functions seems to vary, as do depictions of the results.
Well, at least they're still lucid enough to talk. You leave them to fight it out and decide to go grab some supplies, since you have a feeling that they'll be staying here one way or another.
"Hey Grim, you want to hold down the fort while I go get some stuff?"
"Those two better not fight the whole time," Grim grumbles, but he agrees to keep an eye out and make sure they don't either break out into an actual fight or run off into the woods or something.
Given how things tend to go when Ace, Deuce, and Grim are alone together even with their faculties running at optimal standards, you still decide to be quick.
Sam makes a token effort at trying to sell you on a collector's tarot card set before you remind him you aren't exactly flush with cash.
"What should I get for helping a couple of guys weather their heats?" you ask him.
"Well, that depends on how you're helping out," he says, with a chuckle and a wink.
"I'm letting them nap through it," you say, not rising to the bait. After having to meet everyone's gazes in the aftermath of Azul's emergency heat and dirt puddle refuge and your, uh, supportive commentary to him that he absolutely remembered all of because god hates you, you're not sure you're physically capable of shame anymore.
At least Azul still is plenty capable of shame, going off of the way he keeps turning red and leaving rooms and avoiding eye-contact.
Sam sighs but very helpfully puts together a kit that's within your budget. Since Ace and Deuce, unlike Jack, are not going to be just spending the whole time as gigantic furballs and then loping off at the first opportunity, you figure all the hygiene stuff makes sense.
When you get back, Ace and Deuce aren't arguing anymore.
They also aren't in the guest room anymore.
You watch with one eyebrow raised as they drag one mattress over to another in an open patch of space in your room, very clearly planning on building a 'nest' there.
"Who is that supposed to be for?" you eventually ask. The mattress has been dropped into place, then moved and moved again like four different times, and now there is heated (pun not intended) discussion and efforts about hanging a blanket tent over it from a hook in the ceiling.
"Us," Ace says.
"You guys are sharing a nest?"
They both shrug.
They're sweating a bit more and acting weirdly docile, which you think is a sign that the heat's coming on fast now. Because ordinarily you would expect them to at least prevaricate a lot more about wanting to bunk together in the same cuddle pile.
Then again, you don't really know. You've heard a lot of warnings about how Omegas and Alphas can get violent when people they don't want around try and mess with them at their Special Times. You aren't sure how it works for people they do want around. Although, you've got some ideas based on how Azul had gently crushed you like a well-worn teddy bear for the better part of a couple hours.
You unpack the supplies, put the pre-packaged convenience food (not the most appealing, but affordable and it'll do) out on the counter where it's easy to grab, warn Grim not to eat all of it unless he wants to be sent out for replacements, and then take the wet wipes and other hygiene stuff back to the bedroom.
Close at hand is probably a good idea, you don't think you'd trust someone in the throes of heat with being fully alone in a bathroom.
Which is gonna make this a fun weekend.
You give a despairing look at the large, expanding pillow fort. Your own bed is half stripped bare and you're pretty sure your half-full laundry basket is holding up a corner of the structure.
"Are you guys absolutely sure you want to do this in my room? The guest room's pretty nice," you remind them.
"We're sure," Deuce says, while Ace just nods rapidly a few times.
Well, you can always sleep in the guest room, you suppose.
"If we're doing a slumber party I'm making popcorn, I don't care if they're sweaty and weird," Grim decides. You shrug and let him have at it.
In fact...
"Alright," you decide. "Let's do this."
You go downstairs and get the television set that Ortho brought over at some point (for game nights, and possibly to try and lure Idia out of his room with the promise of other screens to look at), and set it up in front of the blanket fort.
Deuce nods and murmurs in agreement, even though you didn't ask him anything. Ace wrinkles his nose a bit at the set, like he doesn't like the smell of dust in the electronics. But he doesn't complain, and the wrinkling eases after you give the vents a wipe down.
God, this shit's going to have you regularly dusting, isn't it?
You plug in the game system that doubles as a DVD player and sift through the available options, holding them up and letting Ace and Deuce nod or shake their heads. Eventually agreement is reached on a copy of an overwrought classic romance series. You don't think either of them would watch it in their right minds, or at least they would take much longer to admit to wanting to beforehand, but you're not here to judge.
You'll save that for later, if you need to threaten them with embarrassment.
One thing you will say for Twisted Wonderland, it has introduced you to an entire new world of media. Decades of cinema history, centuries of novels, tons of television shows, games, podcasts, and so on, that you have never seen. It's all new!
The lone sappy romance in Ortho's DVD collection is a period piece, though you're not actually sure what period it's from. It's kind of like if Pride and Prejudice met Twilight, the brooding Alpha love interest is a fae and his beloved Omega is a beautiful yet strong-willed princess who changes his icy heart. There's a love triangle with a wolf guy (beastfolk) and the main Omega's best friends (also Omegas) all get paired off with spare Alphas. Betas don't really seem to factor into the story a whole lot. Pirates are also there.
Lots of bodices are ripped and inconvenient heats in remote places happen. 'Oh no there's only one bed!' That sort of stuff.
You keep an eye on Ace and Deuce, just in case all the heavy petting and artfully ripped clothing and 'but we mustn't but we want to' swooning type situations are turning their hot-and-bothered states a little more hot and bothered, y'know?
You've got an extremely dry documentary on the history of the textile industry handy just in case you need to throw some proverbial cold water onto things.
But while Ace and Deuce do seem unusually invested in the mushy romance, they just sort of lean against each other and watch.
If you didn't know better, you'd just think they were both coming down with mild cases of the flu or something.
Grim rejoins you and passes around several big bowls of popcorn. He's experimentally poured strawberry syrup on one of them. It's not as bad as you'd fear, although neither Ace nor Deuce want anything except the plainest kernels.
"Everything's too itchy," Ace complains, slumping down against your back.
"You are not getting naked in here," you tell him.
He makes unhappy noises until you roll your eyes and then help him climb out of his sweatshirt. In his boxers and socks, he does look more comfortable.
Deuce holds out a bit longer before sliding his own shirt off while you aren't looking, but he keeps himself mostly decent. They both chug bottles of water when you offer them.
Grim sniffs at them and shakes his head.
"Humans in heat stink," he declares.
"Shuddup," Deuce mumbles.
"You stink," Ace adds.
"I do not! And my henchman doesn't either! It's you two!" Grim insists.
They do kind of stink, honestly. Maybe someone born in this world would be able to describe it as like, lavender and dragonfruit with notes of campfire s'mores or something, but to you it just smells like a gym bag.
You sigh and pat Grim's head.
"If you want to you can sleep in your own bed tonight," you offer.
"I guess... we'll see," he decides, folding his arms.
But he doesn't bring up the B.O. situation again, and he gets pretty engrossed in the television show. Lamenting when the characters make stupid decisions (which is pretty often) and chucking popcorn at the frustrating miscommunication parts (lots of those too).
You've somehow ended up as the central prop keeping Ace and Deuce relatively vertical while they stare a bit glassy-eyed at the screen, no longer exactly verbal and apparently transfixed by the big bad guy's dramatic and definitely overdue death scene, when there's a knock on your door.
Deuce growls. That makes Ace growl. Then Grim growls too, before he catches himself and shakes his head.
"Gah! Look what I'm doin', knock it off you two!"
"I'll go check who it is. You both stay here," you tell them, firmly.
You're expecting at least some resistance, but instead they just flop over onto each other, apparently satisfied with this while you get up and head downstairs.
You make sure to close the bedroom door fully behind you. Not that they can't get out, but you're pretty sure that a doorknob will take them at least a bit longer than usual right now. Taking the stairs down two at a time, you open the front door to tell whoever it is that now's not a good time.
Epel, face bright red, thrusts an entire basket of apples into you.
"Oof," you end up saying instead, because the basket hits your sternum.
"I heart about Ace an' Deuce! Fresh fruit's good fer, y'know. That time. Or so I've heard other people tell me 'cause I sure don't know for myself," Epel says. Or kind of yells, a little bit, actually. While avoiding eye-contact.
Epel's a Beta. Which is something he reminds people of pretty often, since even though he apparently doesn't smell like an Omega, his delicate features and petite build are 'misleading'. You get the impression that there's some nuance you're missing, but more straightforwardly, Epel gets defensive about being mistaken and is sometimes a huge dick about Omegas (and women) as part of a socially complex defense mechanism that you generally don't touch with a ten foot pole.
Today's episode of Epel's Gender Drama is apparently, 'gallantly bring fruit to the afflicted'.
Well. It's free apples.
"Cool, thanks," you say. "Wanna come in?"
He hesitates.
"I wouldn't want to overstep..."
"I don't think they'll mind. They aren't bothered about me," you tell him. Epel's a Beta too, and a friend too, so you don't imagine it will be much of a problem if he's just downstairs.
"Do you need help? I know you're kinda... under-informed about some of this stuff..."
"Things seem fine right now. They're just camped out in a pillow fort in the main bedroom," you say, turning to take the apples into the kitchen. Epel hesitates for a moment, then follows you in, and shuts and locks the front door behind him.
"I'll just stay down here. They didn't invite me, after all," he says. His nose twitches, and he goes even redder in the face for a moment. He rubs at his forehead.
"Dunno what the heck they're thinking, they should hole up in the dorm..."
"Heartslabyul's pretty high traffic, maybe they just wanted more peace and quiet," you reason.
"Maybe," Epel agrees, though he sounds more dubious. Then he shrugs. "Well I won't pretend to understand the ways Omegas think. Not my place. I just think, if they were gonna impose on somebody, they oughtta pick someone who knows more about this stuff all together. Or at least has more magic to defend themselves with if it all goes pear-shaped."
"Hey, I'm not that bad," you say. "And Grim's here. He's upstairs babysitting the cuddle pile."
Epel raises both of his hands, flustered.
"I don't need to know they're cuddlin'!"
"Isn't that normal...?"
"Sure it's normal, that ain't the point."
"Then... what is the point...?"
"I can't explain it. You'd know if you knew."
You shrug, and set about washing the apples and cutting them into slices. After a couple more minutes of awkward sniffing and hovering, Epel grabs and knife and joins in.
"What kind of apples are these?" you ask him, to help distract him from whatever his brain's doing.
These apples aren't the big, flashy red ones or the sour green kind. You'd probably guess they were something like honeycrisps or pink ladies if you were back in your world, but all the apples here are of course somewhat different varieties with different names.
"These're blushing maidens. They're a popular variety, sweet and mild, with a nice firm texture that makes 'em crisp and pleasant to eat raw," Epel dutifully explains. "The downside is they tend to bruise easy in shipping, so you gotta use magical transport to get 'em anyplace outside of Harveston without losing a bunch in the process. But back home a lot of people grow 'em just for their own selfs and families."
"Popular snack for That Time of the Year?" you guess. A bunch of apples you can just wash off and then grab and eat likely would be, thanks to the minimal prep.
Epel looks pained at the mention, but nods.
"Thanks for bringing them over," you say, patting his shoulder. "Very decent of you to come by even though you want to crawl out of your skin and die about it."
"I ain't that bad," he protests, but it's halfhearted, and he clearly knows it as well.
You hear a thump noise from upstairs. Epel jumps like a rabbit and looks like he's seriously considering running for it. But then he glances at the kitchen, squares his shoulders, and says he'll do the dishes instead.
There is kind of a mess, from earlier in the day. You weren't expecting to have the entire chore roster upended by biology.
"Thanks. I'll take the apple slices up," you say, which is accepted with rapid nodding.
You get upstairs to find that some of the pillow fort has collapsed as a result of slipshod architectural planning. Grim has dragged over a chair and looks to be trying to fix it, while Ace and Deuce watch with sort of fuzzy bemusement.
They look over when you get inside, ignoring the apple slices in favor of patting at you.
"Hey, no. Eat," you say, holding out the platter of fruit.
Grim hops down.
"Don't mind if I do! I need compensation for keepin' these two in line, they keep knocking stuff over!" he complains.
You let him scarf down about half the fruit before shooing him off, then make Ace and Deuce eat some.
Deuce accepts rather placidly, sniffing you but not seeming otherwise bothered. He munches without enthusiasm but also without complaint.
Ace on the other hand keeps making faces and trying to swipe his wrists down your arms, ignoring the apples until you pop one directly into his mouth. Then he does, rather sullenly, finish it and accept another.
"See? It's good right? You've both been sweating, you're probably dehydrated as fuck," you tell them.
"Mrm," Ace mutters darkly. Deuce pats at his arm, which seems to soothe him somewhat.
It's kind of cute, in a hopelessly dorky way.
You leave them to finish the apple slices while you fix the fort, and then you notice that the show you put on has ended, which probably got them bored or more easily distracted. Or something. You start it over--pretty sure they're not paying that much attention to the play by now--and then circle back to take away the empty fruit platter, before somebody rolls onto it. You do not want to have to wipe anyone down yourself.
"Heat sucks," Grim decides. "It's just stinky and kind of boring. I'm glad I don't gotta do it."
You think about Azul almost crushing you in a mud puddle.
Yeah so far you haven't seen much of the appeal it ostensibly holds according to fiction and the like. Though, cuddling in general isn't too bad.
"They'll be back to normal soon enough," you console Grim, noticing that in addition to being annoyed, he is a bit worried.
It's hard not to be, when your friends aren't even in a fit state to talk.
When you get downstairs, Epel's gone again. He's left you a note saying to call him if you need help. One of the resident ghosts is putting away the last of the cleaned dishes, and you thank him for lending a hand, wash off the platter, and head back upstairs to resume your vigil.
Seems to be what Betas do, you guess. Just... keep an eye out.
That must be why nobody minds having you around for this stuff, right?