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Waking up isn’t easy for anyone.
Your brain feels all empty and foggy, like the first time you realised you exist. The light peeking out behind the curtains is blinding, the birds chirping and the cars driving by are deafening. Whether the first thing you see is the ceiling or the wall, your mountain of pillows or your lover, you can’t exactly put a name to anything. In a way, it’s like being reborn. First you were born into this world by miracle, then you experience the feeling of new life every morning, till the day you die.
Even so, Yuki could bet that she had it the hardest.
Her morning isn’t one of warm bedding and soft pillows. Her morning isn’t one where you hear the sizzling of eggs and toast on your kitchen stove, one where you expect a nice breakfast from your mother.
She wakes up differently every day, every week. Sometimes it will be on a scenic path to school, with beautiful falling leaves and the gentle autumn breeze. Sometimes it will be in a quiet classroom, before anyone else has arrived, where the footsteps outside knock at the pace of her heartbeat. The worst had to be whenever she found herself sitting face to face with another person, whether it’s someone she liked or disliked—it was the same to her.
There was one face she never got tired of seeing though, one she spent much of her life with.
To her, Mafuyu’s face was captivating. Whenever she passed by, catching a glimpse of her round eyes and perfect smile, Yuki felt a sharp stabbing sensation in her chest—like Cupid had just come by for a visit. She couldn’t count how many times she wanted to stop in her tracks and just watch her, stop her every move to observe the girl she loved so much. Too bad, they both had places to be and things to do.
However, you could argue that she was luckier than everyone else. Sneakily snapping photos of them, asking around about their class schedule, looking around the cafeteria to see where they’re sitting. Yuki didn’t need to do any of these things. Mafuyu followed her everywhere, they were tethered to each other. When she laid in bed at night, Yuki stared at the hands of the girl she loved. She ran her fingertips across the pale, smooth skin at the back, and tenderly kissed the calluses they had collected from archery. Mafuyu’s soft lips against Yuki’s skin made the latter shiver, her warm breath breathed life into their cold skin.
In the bathroom, she took the time to appreciate Mafuyu’s features. The way her gaze softened as they made eye contact, the way her lips curled into a gentle smile as Yuki leaned in.
But she hated the hard, lifeless glass against her lips.
“Mafuyu?” She recognised that voice—suddenly finding herself in a busy, crowded space. At first, everything blurred together like a cloudy mess, like a static white noise with the sound of rain. Slowly, her eyes and ears adjusted to her surroundings, and the blurry silhouette revealed itself. “Geez… Were you even listening?”
Shinonome Ena. Mafuyu’s girlfriend.
“Sorry, I must’ve… spaced out for a little bit.” Yuki replied, eyes darting all over the room. They were at a cafe, as they always were whenever Ena dragged them outside. “Could you repeat that?”
“I was just saying…Wait. Are you okay?” The brunette sat up, reaching across the table. Yuki didn’t move, and just accepted Ena’s hand on her own.
“Yes. I assure you I am fine, please continue.”
“So… Anyways.” Ena continued her rant, and Yuki listened intently. Well, she was more focused on the other girl’s appearance more than anything.
It wasn’t hard to see why Mafuyu loved her so dearly, especially since Yuki could faintly feel Mafuyu’s affection echoing in her bones. Ena had a beautiful face, but more importantly a beautiful soul—one that was creative, intelligent, and emotional in her own special way. As she spoke, Ena’s thumb instinctively caressed the back of her hand, like she was trying to ease her mind. Yuki assumed Ena could tell something was bothering her, and couldn’t help but try to comfort her without bringing too much attention to it. It was a small gesture, but it still held the weight of all the love that Ena and Mafuyu shared. Even better, the warmth they shared was that of more than one person.
How could Yuki compete with that? Simple, she couldn’t and shouldn’t.
“Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.” Yuki hurried away, without looking back to check for Ena’s reaction.
She checked her face in the mirror, Mafuyu hadn’t put on much makeup—she never does—aside from some concealer and tinted lip balm. Her eyelids began to ache and burn, so Yuki splashed herself with the cool tap water, careful to not get any of it on the cuffs of her sleeves. She had to pull herself together.
Yuki scrunched up a paper towel in her hand, trying to make out the rough pattern with her palm. Rolling it around a few times, she then used it to dab the drops of water off her chin. She couldn’t stay upset for too long, or OWN would probably scold her. If you can’t handle it, I will. He’d say, whilst ruffling up his own hair. It was funny, the way he genuinely believed he’s good at handling emotions.
That lightened up her mood somewhat, so she pulled out the lip balm in her pocket and carefully reapplied it. With her thumb, she blended out the edges of her lips—not forgetting to place a light kiss on her own wrist.
“Are you ready to go?” That was the first thing Ena said when Yuki came back to the table. “I finished my cheesecake and your cup is empty too…”
“Sure, that sounds good.” Yuki replied, reaching for her wallet.
“I said I was treating you today, did you forget?” Ena looked at her, eyes full of suspicion.
“Oh, sorry. It escaped my mind for a moment. Go ahead.” She watched as Ena made her way to the cashier, pulling out a purple, bunny shaped coin purse. Ena often hid her affection in small details like that, some of which probably completely flew over Mafuyu’s head—but Yuki noticed, she always does. It left a bittersweet feeling in her chest, to know that someone else was also always thinking of Mafuyu.
They walked out of the cafe, with Ena clinging to Yuki’s arm. As she was about to take another step, she felt something anchor her still.
“Hey.” Yuki looked towards Ena, who looked at her intently.
“Hm?”
“Are you not going to give me a kiss?
“Ah.” She froze, eyes drifting away as she looked for an excuse. It was weird to be on a date with someone else’s girlfriend, but even weirder to kiss her, right? “Um. Sorry, I forgot.”
As Yuki leaned down to kiss her, Ena blocked it with her palm.
“Yuki.” She was so stunned by the situation, she didn’t notice that Ena had called her by her name.
“Yes?”
“I know you don’t like telling me it’s you, but don’t feel pressured to be Mafuyu, okay? Just be yourself.” With that, Ena playfully placed a kiss on her cheek, then began making her way towards the station.
“Oh.”
It was hard being in love with Mafuyu sometimes, but maybe it was harder to not fall in love with Ena’s kindness too. Whatever, Yuki didn’t want to think too hard about it.