Chapter Text
The brain is the most complex part of the human body such that it is believed to host the mind’s workings, the soul’s substance, and the body’s function. It is difficult to comprehend, and no one really knew how the brain works but they did understand that the front part of the brain did the ‘thinking’ and the back part of it did the seeing. Beyond that, no one really understood.
It was made easier by a scientist named Korbinian Brodmann who first discovered that the cells of the brain– neurons, were designed in very specific ways in different areas of the brain. He found fifty-two distinct areas based purely on cytoarchitecture and he numbered them appropriately in the order he studied them.
Since then, the parts of the brain have been classified into distinct parts as the Brodmann Areas.
Broca’s Area
This is the forty-fourth and forty-fifth areas that Brodmann studied. It’s located at the posterior part of the frontal lobe, particularly in the inferior frontal gyrus and often found in only one hemisphere of the brain. During the time of Brodmann, it did not have an identified name or purpose.
That is until 1861 when a French physician named Paul Broca encountered a patient known as ‘Tan’, solely because it’s the only word he could utter. He could understand the word perfectly, and he could be spoken to and given instructions. When spoken to, he comprehended everything.
But he could not produce speech– not words, not sentences, not in writing nor in oral language. His intelligence was otherwise left intact, and his mouth and tongue worked fine and so did his hands. He could think, but he could not communicate. Broca had discovered the purpose and function of this area after Tan died and was studied, and was thusly named as Broca’s area in the map of the mind.
If Avery knew about this area in the brain, he would have probed it in Derek’s head just so that part starts working again. Despite not knowing about it, though, he is seriously considering electrotherapy like one of those pads Irene puts on Derek sometimes. Is it possible to put on the brain? Maybe fix the part of Derek that makes him hide important things from him?
“I know what you’re thinking,” Derek says, cutting off his train of thought of sticking the potato battery pins into Derek’s head. “And please reconsider. I quite like my brain.”
“No you don’t,” Avery says because clearly one of them has to say the truth. “You cringed at the thought of a hamster.”
Derek opens his mouth before shutting it, and he frowns in a way that Avery is far too familiar with– he’d just caught him lying. “Look, in my defense a normal person wouldn’t normally recall all instances of the hamster dying. They find new ways to die every time. It's almost fascinating if it doesn’t make me want to vomit in my mouth a little bit.”
“First, gross, ew. Second, you just proved my point. Maybe I should stick electric needles in you. That might fix you.”
“A lot of things might fix me but I’d really rather not explore those options at the moment. Thanks for considering, though.”
Derek and Avery are currently in the mall, browsing through potential gifts for Derek’s extended family this year. Admittedly, it is a bit early to shop but Derek had withheld a certain piece of information for months.
“What would your niece and nephew want for Christmas, do you think?”
“We are buying it too soon, Avery. October is not the Christmas shopping season.”
Avery sputters, and he turns to Derek affronted. “Derek I’ve seen the video calls with you and your sister– she’s had a Christmas tree up since September, and only now did you tell me she put up a stocking on her chimney with my name on it?” He questions sharply.
“It’s a running bit.” Derek says like that solves all of Avery’s problem.
“It’s mean is what!” Avery scowls, turning away so he could focus on the task at hand. He hates the way that he could see Derek grinning at him from his peripheral vision. “I need to make a good impression and currently the impression I’m giving is that I’m snubbing them no thanks to you.”
Derek sighs, and he leans against Avery so that his weight distracts his lover from overthinking. Avery begrudgingly hates (loves) that it’s working. “Listen to yourself, Aves. They don’t mind. I don’t think they expect you to know they’ve got that stocking in the first place. Dana was just being cheeky.”
“Dana funded your hospital stay.” Avery says flatly, and Derek bites his cheek. That she did.
(Normally Derek should have been able to fund himself with the money he’s got stashed from work, but he’d spent months idle in his computer playing minecraft and somehow being able to pay for the bills to run it through. He’d also spent some of his small earned fortune on Soylent of all things just so he could survive those months without looking away from his computer.
It’ll be a year since that started, tomorrow, and he’s not sure if Avery’s noticed.
Avery hasn’t, because he doesn’t really know when exactly it is that Derek’s life changed. Everything Avery saw in those videos have had a latency of at least two? Three months. Derek doesn’t recall how long it was since he got rid of the laptop because he’d been busy keeping his mind calm. Minecraft had also skewed his sense of time for the longest period too. )
Avery looks towards a display of things designed for kids– stuffed animals, board games, art supplies.
“How old are they again?”
“Seven and nine.” Derek answers.
“Do they like dinosaurs?”
Derek hums, and he stares at the toys in front of him like he’s contemplating. Avery knows better, though, because he could see the way his gaze turns slightly less focused and more thoughtful, and how his face slacks especially at the bottom left quadrant.
And Avery frowns because this is how Derek looks when he’s remembering, which is different than Avery’s form of remembering because to Derek, he’s retrieving information from an infinite source and well of knowledge that could easily overwhelm him.
He weighs heavier against Derek, and that seems to shake him out of it. “Hey, what are you frowning about?”
“You're the one frowning.” Derek says flatly.
Avery hates how he's always right but he also knows that this is his way of deflecting from the question. Rage baiting Avery seems to be a tactic Derek loves to use, and most times he'd fall for it if it weren't for the fact that Avery is already on guard and slightly agitated.Avery wasn’t being hypervigilant himself.
“Derek.”
This time Derek doesn’t reply immediately, as if weighing his choices of whether or not to continue the ruse based on what he’s seeing in the future, most likely– “Derek,” Avery presses and Derek scrunches his nose in defeat because ultimately, there’s no outbullshitting the bullshitted– okay that is a disgusting turn of phrase, but Avery has been lied to by Derek more than once now that he could effectively call him out based on his tells.
“I was… frustrated at myself for trying to remember.” Derek answers, and he answers it like it’s a big deal to him so it probably is.
Avery doesn’t quite get it yet, so “Why is that frustrating?” he questions, and if Derek’s face could turn any more constipated than it already is, it would.
“I’m supposed to remember these things.” Derek tells Avery. “Not… not relying on the curse so I could.” He says shamefully.
“You’re not relying on it,” Avery tries to reason out, “It’s normal to forget some parts of your family’s life.”
“No it’s not.” Derek retorts. “Not when it comes to mom and Dana and her kids. They… they were everything to me.” His eyebrows furrow, like he’d confused himself. “They are everything to me.” He corrects himself.
Avery watches as he sinks into himself again, the way he gets when he’s trying to focus on a singular linear thread of information that is so easily lost in a pile– Derek’s words, not his. He doesn’t get how Derek’s infinite knowledge works but he does know that he struggles with it sometimes.
This is one of his struggles, so it seems.
He thinks he sort of gets it. Derek has a way with romanticizing the way things were in the past when he was a lot less omniscient and a lot more focused on the future, but based on what little Avery has learned about Derek, not much has changed. Even before, Derek had been used to living alone and away from his family and the distant way he talks about them alone tells Avery that they share this certain type of loneliness that he wishes they didn’t.
But it’s not like Avery could say something about it. For one, he doesn’t know a Derek that did not know everything (contrary to Dana’s favorite words of endearment when referring to Derek, he was not as much of a ‘know-it-all’ then as he is now). For another, Avery would be a hypocrite if he calls him out.
So instead, Avery decides to say the first thing on his mind without context. “Yeah well what’s stopping you?” He counters, and he drags Derek by the elbow as the guy somehow finds a way to ruminate on five words and a question mark.
They end up buying dinosaur onesies for both of them, each in their favorite colors and Derek tells Avery that they’ll absolutely love it. Avery finds out thanks to Derek that they love getting matching things, and that eventually they’ll hate it in the future but reminiscing on it will have that same effect.
Avery loves the way Derek gets lost this time. His expression is soft as he grasps the packaging of the two onesies.
Shopping for Derek’s mom is a lot more difficult than shopping for his nieces and nephew’s gifts. Avery has experience witnessing kids be spoiled so he knows the way they think. He has very little experience in witnessing the elders – particularly the parents, get spoiled because they seldom ever do.
“She doesn’t have a favorite color,” Derek drones off, “I don’t know what to get her– whatever we get she just seems to like it an equal amount.” He complains, and Avery sympathizes with Derek because he too doesn’t seem to be the type to gift their parents anything.
“What did you get her last year?” Avery asks, and Derek pauses.
He looks forlorn. “I…”
Avery shuts his mouth tight, realizing what he just said.
“No, shit, I mean last last year–”
“Nothing.” Derek says slowly. “I didn’t get my mom anything for Christmas.”
The words hang between them.
And he sinks into himself again, this time Avery has lost Derek a lot deeper into his haze. Avery’s heart hurts because he doesn’t know how he can help. Talking just seems to make it worse, but Talking is really the only thing he’s good for in situations like these.
Then Derek chuckles, seemingly having brought himself out of it himself. “God, I’m an awful son.” He says with a self-deprecating giggle.
“Can’t be worse than me.” Avery nudges Derek on the side and he watches as Derek’s face crumples. Oh, he must be having a flashback that Avery is supposed to be having on his own. “Oi, thoughts straight sailor.” He teases, and he watches as Derek’s cheeks darken.
“Sorry.”
“I know my past is tempting, from the tantalizing college entrance exam review centers to my charming attempts at learning the guitar, but don’t go peeking.” Avery jokes, and he could see the moment Derek’s mind wanders to exactly those parts of Avery’s past. He watches as Derek’s mouth twitches, and he resists the urge to poke at it himself so he could push it to a smile.
He fails to resist it, and he ends up with a finger at the corners of Derek’s lips. “There you are,” He says.
Avery cackles when Derek flushes a darker shade and turns away, hiding his mouth from Avery. His chest feels full and whole when he watches as Derek fusses quietly over himself so he calms down.
Ignore the way Avery’s own heart starts to race when he realizes what his base instincts have made him do.
Oh, he loves him.