Chapter Text
I didnt dream, I rarely do these days, but this felt…different. It didnt feel as though I was asleep, it was like someone had come over and literally turned me off as if I were a machine, not a person.
As I started to wake up, something felt immediately wrong. First off, I didnt feel stiff, which was extremely odd; I hadn't not felt stiff in about ten years, more or less. Erid's gravity had wreaked absolute havoc on my body for ages now, so I was so used to being in a lot of pain in the morning. So, to not feel it at all, immediately told my brain, “Yeah, bud, this is not right.”
The second, and what should have been the more telling difference of the two, was that I was on fire. Literally, my insides were suddenly awash in a burning, fiery pain that I had thankfully never felt before, cause it sucked! I tried to cry out, say or do something, but only a high-pitched cry left my throat. I quickly threw myself to the floor, which I knew my already fragile body would loathe later, but right now I had the more pressing issue of my insides burning me alive.
I quickly took steps through my home, the pain blinding me so much that I had no idea where I was, or even headed in my home. Thankfully, I had lived in this house long enough to manage without sight. What I couldn't manage was the fact that I was still on fire! I clumilsy trudged through my home, the pain making my movements awkward and hard to control. Each step causes more cries of anguish to come out of my throat.
God, what was happening to me? Had some of Erid's atmosphere leaked into the environment?
Worry about that later, you're still on fire!
But how was I supposed to stop myself from being fire when I couldn't see, and the only speech I would produce was one of pain? What was I going to do? I took more labored steps through my home till i clumsily found the front door. Before I could even open the door, I heard it.
The ocean!
It was so loud for some reason that Im surprised it took me this long to notice. If I could reach the water, that could buy me some time! I knew Rocky had monitors on the environment; he was the only one I allowed to do so, so that he would be alerted and most likely was already on his way. I just had to get in the water and wait for him to come.
I whacked my hands across the door, reaching for the doorknob. Due to my presumed slumped position, it was a lot higher than I expected. It took a few tries before I could clumsily get my hand around the doorknob, which, if I were in less pain, I might have noticed felt odd.
It didnt matter, though, I was outside, and just yards away from my salvation.
Hopefully.
I tried to dart across the beach, but my body was starting to fail. ‘Yeah, that happens when someone is on friggin fire, Ryland.” I thought bitterly to myself as another cry of pain and anguish left my body. It didn't even feel like it came from my throat; it felt like it came from my soul.
I had to get to the water; I had to get as close to it as I could. “Just get to the water, get to the water, and Rocky will save you! “ I told myself as I continued to take labored steps on the sand. I could smell the sand burning underneath me. God, whatever was happening, it wasn't typical of what happens when a human body catches on fire.
I kept taking step after step, my insides erupted into flames. I was dying. I was dying, fast. I slumped down to the ground; the waves sounded so close, just feet away.
Just keep going!
“I like you, Doctor Grace, but I don't respect you.” Eva's voice came creeping into my head.
No, no way, I was not seeing my life flash before my eyes. I refuse to die like this.
I can not die like this!
I dragged myself up, let out a chorus of pain-filled notes, ones I could barely make out as words. They were just notes of pure terror, but also pure determination. I slowly righted myself. My arms felt like they were melting, but despite this, I took another step.
“Ryland, can't you just listen to me for once! Can't you just come down to earth where the rest of us are for once in your life!” Her words cried into my mind.
I took another step, and more cries rang out.
Just keep going!
“You will never be respected, not with how you conduct yourself. You're a fool, a disgrace, Dr. Grace.” Those were the words I was told right before I left for academia. The words that damned me to this.
To die alone on a beach.
They smiled at me as they picked me up, holding me up closely to the telescope. “See those stars, Ry-Ry, one day I think you're gonna touch them,” she spoke softly to me. “And the stars are gonna wink at you and say we're happy to have you, Ryland.” She kissed my cheek before he sat me back down on the ground and pointed to a star in his astronomy book.
“See that, Ry, that's Tau Ceti, that's my favorite star, and who knows maybe in your lifetime people will even go there.”
I wish they knew that I made it there. I'll tell them soon.
No, come on! Keep going! Please keep going!
I took more steps. I could feel the ocean now; it was so close. It was so close!
“Microbiology, are you sure, Ry? I thought you wanted to study astronomy?” She asked softly.
“I did when I was little, but think about how much we don't know about microorganisms. How much we could theoretically learn about space and what might be out there by learning how certain things function, and what restrictions they might not need,” I said back.
He smiled and clapped his hand on my shoulder. “If that's what you want, Ryland, then we trust it's the right fight for you.”
“You're gonna change the world, Ry, we just know it.”
I suppose, in a way, I did.
I sat there and held them tightly before they drove away, leaving me to go off towards my future. Three months later, I stood at their funeral. I walked the stage at graduation alone; no one came for me. I busted my ass for that first intership. Working day and night tirelessly to prove myself, learning all I could under the tutelage of members of the science community I had so greatly respected. Then my paper was published, and my world ended.
I pushed myself one more time before I finally collapsed. I tried to move again, but I couldn't. I couldn't get my muscles to respond. No matter what I did, all I could do was lie there and burn.
I was sitting in my classroom when a woman walked in and asked me to save the world. I was curled up in the Hail Mary, staring at an alien spaceship. Rocky sat by my side as we taught each other our respective languages, working in the lab for days, trying to figure out how to stop Astrophage from dooming both our people and dragging Rocksy's lifeless body, begging him to stay with me, and celebrating with him once we had gotten Taumeba to be resistant to nitrogen. Saying goodbye to the only friend I had, and then subsequently saying goodbye to the only home I had known, for him.
For Rocky.
Oh, Rocky Im so sorry.
Walking on Erid for the first time and seeing what the Eridians had done for me. Getting to teach again, warm notes of joy fill me with a new sense of purpose as the little eridians sit down, ready to learn. Celebrating the birth of Rokcy and Adrian's children, becoming Uncle Grace. Rocky kept me steady when I learned I could no longer walk without support. The tears that streamed down my face when he told me Sol had returned to its full luminance. That it had all been worth it.
It was worth it, it was all worth it. Even if this was the end, it was okay. My life had been fulfilled. I wanted more time, but who didnt? I was lucky to have even gotten the years I had, so as the darkness began to overlap my already-blinded vision, I told myself it was okay. I could go in peace.
Rocky is sitting beside me on the beach, the two of us just enjoying each other's company in silence. “I am glad I found you,” Rocky said to me softly. He wasn't one to get emotional with me, lately, though he had been opening up to me more. I think it was because he knew I was probably entering the final stages of my life. He wanted me to know how much he cared for me. It was funny, I felt like he didnt need to say how deeply he cared, I saw it in the little things he did every day. But it was still kind of him to remind me how much he loved me.
I loved him too.
I smiled and gently placed a hand on his carapace, not minding how warm it was even through the xenonite barrier. “I will forever be grateful that we found each other,” I said honestly.
“Wish I could give Grace more time,” Rocky admitted sheepishly. He had said that before. That he wanted to see if there was a way that I could live longer, live the length eridians did, but that just wasn't something humans were capable of. Compared to eridans, we lived short, fragile lives, and as hard as I knew it was for Rocky to wrap his mind around, it was how it was.
He would live so much longer than I. I was basically a small blip in his very long life, though I know if I told him that, he would probably threaten to attack me. “I know, bud,” I said in a hushed tone. “But we have had so many years together, and we still have more.” I stroked his head gently, trying to bring him some sense of comfort.
He whimpered a little, making small, choking noises. He was crying. “It's not enough.”
And as the darkness finally started to claim me, I couldn't help but agree with him; it was not enough.
Rocky Six Hours Later
I’ve had a lot of bad days in my life. The day the last of my crew died, leaving Adrian to go on a mission none of us had a real grasp on, I said goodbye to Grace for the first time. Actually, a lot of my worst days Grace was a part of, for the better at least.
Sitting alone on the blip-a, fruitlessly trying to fix the problems we had foolishly created by breading taumeba in xenonite, thinking about Grace, and all I hoped for was that he was safe. That he wasn't in the same position and that he, too, would not die alone in space. Then there were the days I sat by his side, unmoving as starvation latched on to him, or when this human disease, called scurvy, ravaged his body, and we both thought that would be the end.
And there was the day that one of Adrian's and my hatchlings didnt make it. How we mourned the loss of a child we would never really get to know. Grace showed up and just sat with the two of us. Mourning with us. I didnt really understand it at the time. How could Grace mourn something that he had no connection to? It was later that I learned he was not mourning our child, not as we were, but he was mourning because we were.
That's what love is, I suppose, you feel so deeply for someone that when they hurt, you carry that hurt with them.
The last bad day I really had was when I truly learned what that felt like. Grace and I were walking on the beach as we tended to do, but he tripped on a rock and hit his head. Hard. He did not move for many moments. I thought I had lost him. When he eventually came to, we both thought he was okay.
But he wasn't.
Erid’s gravity had made his bones so fragile that he ended up cracking his skull and breaking his left arm and right leg in the fall. It took him an entire year to walk again and a year and a half to teach again. He was miserable during that period of his life, and, in turn, so was I. It broke my heart to see my friend suffer like that. To watch his body slowly fail him. What would the rest of his life on this planet be like? Would he just continue to suffer till his body finally gave out? Or would another disease take him away from me? I had been working with Eridian doctors to make it easier for Grace to move, but so far, the human was too stubborn to agree to anything other than a cane.
That stubborn asshole.
Though right now, I would have given anything to watch him slowly walk across the beach or sit beside him and watch him while he slept.
But I couldn't.
I was asleep when the news broke. As soon as I woke up and went to Adrian, I knew something was wrong. They told me that sometime in the middle of the night, Grace’s habitat was broken into. There was a sol eridian suspect in his disappearance who was in rough shape, but had been apprehended and taken in. But there was no trace of Grace. He had simply vanished.
I don't even recall the walk over to Grace's habitat, I just remember putting on the zenonite suit and walking inside. A few other eridians tried to stop me, but after a few choice words, they let me go. Of course, they did; they knew I would stop at nothing when it came to Grace, my Grace.
The protector of my children, the additional member to my family, my best friend, a whole piece of my heart. I would find him.
I will find you, Grace, so please, for fucks sake, be alive.
When I entered the home, it was a mess; the bed was covered in burn marks, and his beloved quilt was partially burned to dust. There was a trail of ash leading to the kitchen, where several plates and mugs had shattered onto the floor. Thankfully armando was untouched, which would come in handy once he found Grace, because I know he is gonna need serious medical attention. I heard the ocean, and that's when I noticed the door was open. It too had the same burn marks as a lot of the home. I walked out onto the beach, noticing a line of glass in the sand. The eridian must have dragged itself, presumably, grace along with it towards the water. My thought was this asshole didn't realize what oxygen does to an eridian body. So it jetisoned towards the water, hoping to spare its life.
Regrettably, it seemed to have worked.
When I get my hands on that creature, it will wish it had died.
I never thought of myself as a violent being. I wanted to believe in the best of others. I knew that there was kindness in everyone, but if someone took Grace from me. From the kids who called him “uncle” or the ones who were excited for every new class with their favorite teacher, or from Adrian, who had come to love that leaky space blob as much as I had. Well, then there would be no peace, because there would never be peace for us again,
“Rocky,” a large erdian called as it raced towards me on the beach. I have known this particular individual for a little while now. They were an eridan that was in charge of making sure other eridians were safe. After Grace's fall, he had decided that keeping watch on Grace a few times a week and helping him out when Adrian and I were busy were good uses of his time and skills.
Grace absolutely hated it.
“Rocky, I have weak bones. I am not a baby,” he snapped when we told him the plan.
“You would basically be a baby in eridian years,” I teased back. “So, we must take care of you like one.” This did not amuse him, but eventually he came to accept the idea as long as it was only for a few hours at a time and only three days a week.
The two of them actually became friends after a short time, leading Grace to give him the human name John because he looked like one.
The memory pained me. “You have to be okay, Grace,” I told myself as John trotted up.
He anxiously shuffled from claw to claw. I knew he was hurting over this, too. “Anything?” I asked him in an anxious note.
“Only one thing…” he paused his notes, slowing down. I knew that couldn't mean anything good.
“Spit it out, John,” I snapped. I didnt mean to be cross with him, but my nerves were so frayed right now I couldn't take anything. I quickly sang a note of apology to John, who thankfully didnt seem to take much offense.
“His xenonite suit is still here.” Those words crashed into me. That was the worst news we could have gotten. He only had the one suit; he could not survive on erid for more than maybe an hour without it. It had been six hours since the attack. If the attackers did not take the suit, then they had not planned for Grace to live. They had planned to kill him. This was not a kidnapping. It was a murder.
It means Grace was gone.
I didnt even realize I was lying down till I could feel the sand against my xenonite suit. I just sat there and wailed. I was supposed to have more time. We were supposed to have more time. Grace, my Grace.
Gone.
I saw the man all those years ago who had turned around to save me. Who sat on the Hail Mary with me for four years, talking about anything and everything. Grace, who was so nervous about starting life on Erid, quickly adapted and became happy with his life on a foreign planet. He loved teaching Erdian’s. He would gush about his students almost every night during our walks. He was the first one over when we welcomed our children, Mary, Sol, and of course, Grace. He cried for an entire cycle when we told him their names.
My children wouldn't have gotten much time with him, but now they were stripped of what little time they would have gotten. I would never hear his terrible jokes again, or get to banter with him about how useless a human body is. I would never see his smile, or just get to sit with him,
I would never see him again.
“I didnt even get to say goodbye,” I wail as John slowly approaches to comfort me, but I swiftly push him away. I didnt want the comfort. I wanted revenge. I know Grace would have hated that, but he was gone, his opinion didnt matter. I let myself sing an agonizing song for a few more moments before I picked myself up. “I want to talk to the fucker who did this,” I growled. John let out a few hesitant whines, but they led me to where the eridian responsible was being held.
Grace one week later
Something was wrong with my body. I knew that right away, but hey, at least I wasn't one fire this time. Oh my god, I had been on fire! I let out a garbled moan as I slowly stretched out my arm; it was stiff, so it felt like the joints were not working the way they should be. When I bent my arm at the elbow, it just felt wrong. It didnt move in the fluid way it had all my life; it was as if the joint hissed and popped with each movement, as if steam was flowing through my body, making it possible for my joints to move. I let out another groan, and that was when I noticed, more shocking than my arm, the world.
Or the lack of one. Everything was dark, except for a few murky shapes, of which I was only getting rough outlines. I let our other cry, and those shapes became a bit shaper, but a fuzzy outline still surrounded them. It looked like how sound waves would appear when I would demonstrate how they worked in class.
That couldn't be right. Humans didnt see through sound. Only eridians did. I jolted upright at that but was greeted by yet another strange sensation. My body was so much heavier than it ever had been, the weight of which caught me off guard, and caused me to crumble helplessly onto my face.
I figured, because I had to have been severely burned, that this action would hurt a great deal, but instead, it just felt awkward. I spun my limbs around, causing that same hissing feeling, as I noticed yet another thing wrong with me.
I should only be able to move four limbs. Yet I could feel and move five. Okay, something was really, really wrong. I got two of my limbs to grip onto the ground, and with a hard push, I managed to right myself. I shakily stood before I dropped back down into a lying position.
Okay, Ryland, stay calm. There has to be a reasonable explanation for this.”
I took a steady breath, and wish I hadn't. Because what came out instead of the usual sound of human breath was a low, pained whistling sound that came from my head. Not my throat. I even felt pieces of my body move as it happened. It felt the way I imagined it would for Rocky when Rocky spoke: his carapace let air rush out of him, creating sound.
How an eridian created sound.
No, no way. It couldn't be; this isn't something that happens. I let out another slow wine, my head making a small hissing sound as the sound escaped his body.
Then again, humans don't make that noise. I tried once again to stand and failed once more. I couldn’t control my four legs, yes, I was ignoring that fifth one for now, so I just resigned myself to staying seated. I went back to trying to speak, hoping I would produce something other than whale sounds, but despite my best efforts, that's all I could create.
The usual words wouldn’t come. Now I started to panic. With each word, the world around me came more into view, a fuzzy outline of a view, but it was a view. That's when I noticed two eridans were watching me; they both made sounds I recognized as confused. I just continued to wail to myself, hoping someone would tell me what the hell was going on.
“What’s its problem?” I heard one of them say.
Oh, funny guys. My problem is I don’t know what the problem is!
More sounds of distress left my body before I gave up trying to form any kind of speech right now. Wait, hold on—those Eridians.
Luckily for me, they were still talking, so I could see the sounds bouncing off of them. One thing was very clear from my second look at them. They weren’t in xenonite suits. They were breathing the air. Which means, I wasn’t in my habitat, and I was okay. I was breathing erid's air. I also finally noticed how strangely big everything was. Things used to seem so small to me, and now they seem to be the right size.
Because you're now the right size.
It was becoming increasingly hard to deny the truth. I didn’t want what I suspected to be the truth to be true, but if I could confirm what I feared was happening, I could move on to the next step. I hit my hand on the floor hard, and suddenly my body came into view.
But this isn’t the body I had come to know over sixty years of life. No, this was an entirely new body. My hands were not really hands. I had three claw-like fingers, attached to a jagged arm that was no longer made of flesh but of stone. I moved myself around and saw my fifth leg. The truth was horrific, but I couldn't deny what I was seeing.
I couldn’t live in my environment because it was built for humans.
And I was no longer human!
Okay, Ryland, you can freak out now.
I wailed the loudest high-pitched noise I could have mustered and stumbled backward from where the other two Eridians sat. Other erdians. I was an erdian! This motion caused me to fall back again, landing me once again squarely on my face, or I guess carapace now.
No, no, there’s no way. I couldn’t have a carapace because I was a human! Humans didn’t have those. They had noses, ears, eyes, and squishy soft bodies. Not carapaces that hissed out steam, or an exoskeleton made out of rock! I cried out more as I just sat there pathetically. I was too terrified to move, and even if I weren’t, this body would not listen to me. This had to be a dream.
Yes, of course, this was a typical thing to happen in a dream. I quickly banged my carapace on the floor, “I wake up, wake up!” I’d screamed to myself in Eridian, though it was mostly a jumbled mess of meaningless words. The pain from it did nothing, so I swiftly did it again, and again. I did it four times before I gave up. The other eridians were letting out small, distressed sounds as they watched me.
I briefly heard one of them mentioning getting someone, before I focused back on the problem at hand. I was an Eridian, and this horrifyingly didn’t seem like a dream, but how could it not be? Someone doesn’t just go and switch species on a whim! That’s not possible. I knew enough about eridians and eridian culture that this point was pretty certain; this was not a weird thing that occasionally happened to eridans.
If it was, Rocky was gonna hear some choice whale sounds from me about leaving out the small fact that being occasionally switched species on this planet!
I started to become overwhelmed by the situation, and couldn't help but sit there and sob. Well, as much as one can without eyes. God, I didn’t even have eyes anymore! This sent me spiraling even further. I just cried out in small pathetic little voices, hoping somehow, some way my cries for release would change me back.
I didnt want to be an eridian. I wanted to be back in my own body. Back at my house, not wherever I currently was.
I was so lost in my own hopeless despair, I didn’t even hear him come in. I just continued to whine miserably until he rapped his claws hard against some sort of metal. The action sent an extremely unpleasant wave of sound through my new carapace.
Ugh, my new carapace. This was completely and utterly surreal.
While the action was unpleasant, it caused me to snap into focus. I knew Eridians were fantastic at understanding their surroundings, even while completely occupied with other things. Their brains could process much better than humans', and since I was human until a few hours ago, I hadn’t yet grasped the concept until just now.
A new Eridian was standing before me. It took a moment for me to distinguish who they were, but when I did, I thought my heart would leap out of my chest.
“Rocky!” I cried. The world Rocky came out as it should in Eridan, but what followed was a long whistle of pure joy. Honestly, it was kind of embarrassing. But could you blame me? I woke up who knows where, in a body that’s not my own, spent how long crying, and finally, a familiar being stood before me. Anyone else would have had the same reaction.
I awkwardly tried to move towards him, but, one, I mostly just flopped around, barely moving a few feet, and two, more upsettingly, the movement made Rocky tense up and move back.
Okay, so he wasn’t happy to see me.
And why would he, Ryland? He doesn’t know it's you! His friend is a 6’ leaky human who has to use a cane to walk, wears stupid t-shirts, and can’t leave his habitat without a xenonite suit. You are not that being anymore. I couldn’t help it; more distressed whines and wails left my body. I was so scared, and the one being who could bring me even an ounce of comfort right now didn’t know it was me in this space spider body.
Rocky just sat observing me for a few moments. Until he finally spoke up. “Why did you attack and kill Grace?” I had never in all my years heard him sound so cold, so broken. His words had an edge to them that I didn’t know creatures who primarily spoke in whale-song could create.
Hold on.
Attacked?
Killed!?
Right, why wouldn’t they think I died? They find some eridian they have never seen before, a trail of destruction left in my wake after nearly dying in my own home, with no signs of the person who lived there. The logical conclusion was that an eridian broke in, took me out of the dome, exposing me to erid's atmosphere, killing me.
That was the logical conclusion, not “oh yeah, Grace switched species in the middle of the night.” Cause why would it be!
There had been a few attempts on my life over the years, so it didn’t shock me. This is where Rocky’s mind went. It made sense. And given Erid's atmosphere, my body most likely would have broken up very quickly, making it so they would never find my body.
God, I thought I was having a bad day. Yet, here my friend was thinking his best friend was murdered.
“Rocky,” I said again. Another long note of sadness left my body after the word. “It’s me,” I said. This one was a little more jumbled. The notes went up and down too much, making the two words long, sharp, and overly pleading. I huffed, or huffed as much as an eridan can, and said the words again. They came out a bit more clearly this time, but it still wasn’t great.
Thankfully, Rocky seemed to understand me, but unfortunately, what I said only seemed to upset him. He moved closer and tapped the metal box that surrounded me, creating another noise that honestly hurt my new body horribly. I wailed in pain, making the noises I had made when I was on fire. After a moment, the pain thankfully subsided.
“Am I supposed to know you?” he snapped. There was no joy, no hope, only sorrow in my friend's notes.
God, he must be in so much pain. I know he is terrified of me dying. I think so more than I am at this point. He will spend so much time without me that I know the prospect of my departing too soon would break him.
I awkwardly nodded my body, “Grace,” I said, and thankfully that note came out the way it was supposed to. However, that statement did not do what I had hoped. He slammed one of his legs hard against the ground.
“Yes, why did you kill Grace?” He cried.
I let out another whine. God, Ryland, keep it together and stop whining so damn much! Before I shook my head. “Did. Not. Kill.” I broke up the words this time to make them easier to say and for emphasis.
A bit of steam came out of Rocky. “You were the only one near him when he was taken a week ago. If not you, then who?”
A week!
I had been asleep for a whole week!
I knew Eridians could sleep for long periods, especially when they were gravely injured. Rocky had done it after he saved him on the Hail Mary. It was just strange, actually, to experience it myself.
I was about to reply, but Rocky cut me off before I could. “If you were not responsible for Grace's death, then who was, and where are they?”
I didn’t mean to, but I let out a nervous whistle, fidgeting with my hands, or claws as they were now. Rocky was hurting, so I had to be careful about what I said. I didn’t want him to think this was a trick; I needed him to know that I wasn’t dead. I was sitting right in front of him. “Grace. Not. Dead.” I let out another low whistle, escaping my carapace. I really have to ask Rocky how to stop doing that.
Rocky Now
I had visited Grace's attacker once before now, when they were first captured. But they lay motionless for a week. Now that they were awake, I realized I hadn't seen them before. If I had, I would have remembered because they were a strange-looking eridian, not that I could forget anyway. They were a bit larger than I was, with a more hexagonal-shaped body, the points of which were a bit more jaded, with red gems on each as well. It had strange markings on its arms, even for an eridian. None of them made any sense to me. One of its arms had what sort of looked like a ship on it, but it was hard to make out exactly what it was. As well as a circular, like planet, but most strangely, it had the design of a tree on its back, and most of its legs. How would most eridians even know what a tree was? Let alone get one carved into them. An eridian's designs were to symbolize who they were, so none of those made sense for an eridian that had only ever known this planet. Erid had only ever sent one ship into space, and it was the one I had been on. So no other eridian would have a reason to have markings of ships, planets, and trees.
They were all things that would make sense for Grace. The thought almost made me drop to the ground, but I held my emotions in.
Surprisingly, though, what it said was even more strange, “Grace. Not. Dead”
The words almost made me fly into a blind rage towards this creature. I had just spent the last several cycles mourning my friend. After I learned that Grace's attackers did not take his xenonite suit, the search for him was swiftly ended, and he was declared dead.
I spent that whole day sitting on the beach, grieving in solitude. Eventually, Adrian came to get me, but I wouldn't leave Grace's biodome. Leaving meant it was real. Adrian, sweet, kind Adrian. Understood, and let me be. For several cycles, I cleaned up Grace’s home. Fixing the beach, clearing the dirt away from his house, and rearranging the furniture to the way Grace liked it. Maybe if he did all of that, maybe Grace would walk back through that door.
But he never did.
And I slowly came to grips wth the fact that Grace was really gone. So, I returned home to my family, and we started to prepare to say goodbye to a part of our family—a part of our hearts.
We were busy with these preparations when I was alerted that the Eridian that was found in Grace's home had awakened. I was allowed to come in and ask questions. I've never moved so quickly in my whole life. I would get answers for myself, for Grace. I would get the closure I so desperately needed.
But everything this creature said made me more and more confused, but more importantly, it made me angry. How dare it take Grace away from me just to throw these false claims that Grace wasn't dead back at me? Of course he was! He could not survive in Erid's atmosphere for longer than a few minutes, maybe an hour.
So, of course, he was dead.
“Grace is gone!” I snapped. The eridian flinched and moved away from me; it let out a loud, anxious song. Followed by a few more notes of distress. It seemed like it was saying something, or at least trying to. But all its notes came out as a mess of different emotions, making it impossible to figure out what it was trying to say. I gave it a few more moments to see if it could actually force words out, but it, however, just continued to struggle.
And honestly, that was making me even angrier. “I ask again, what did you do with grace?”
This time, the eridan was slowly able to force words out, but they still didnt make much sense. “Am. Grace.” It choked out. What did that even mean? Was it somehow thinking I was foolish enough to believe that this eridian was Grace? I couldn't help it, I let out a mean laugh. The eridian covered part of its body with its arms. It was clearly upset by my reaction, but I didn't care. “Am. Grace” It meekly choked out again, causing me to laugh even more.
That time, the eridian let out a loud song of annoyance and frustration. It quickly stamped its foot on the ground, making me immediately stop laughing. Oh, so now I have made it mad. That was rich considering what it had done to me.
To my friend
It stomped its foot a few more times, then clumsily made a gesture I had seen Grace use before. Telling itself to gain some composure. Wait, why did it know gestures that Grace knew? “Rocky. I. Grace.” He stated again,
No,
No!
No way!
I shook my body. I couldn't fall for this. Grace was gone. I had been grieving him for the past few cycles. I saw the state of his home. Grace was taken out of his home and died. But there had been no body. And that Eridian was found in his home, where grace should have been. “Grace is gone,” I choked out. I didnt want to believe it, because believing it gave me hope that Grace was still alive. And I don't think I could handle losing him twice.
“Can. Prove.’ The eridian that somehow claimed to be Grace stated. “Ask.” It said softly. Ask? Oh, it wanted me to ask questions Grace would know. I was a bit taken off guard by everything; it took me a few beats before I had any questions to ask.
“Where is grace from?”
It took the creature several moments to get the words out. It was struggling so much with eridian speech, it was as if it had never spoken in this way before. “San. Fransico.” He managed to get out eventually, though the O’s come out as a long, singular note. It clearly had no grip on its own speech.
Which would make sense if it were indeed Grace. Things were starting to stack up, and it was very much the case that it could be telling the truth, but I needed more proof before I could really let myself believe it.
“What did Grace teach on Earth?’
“Seventh.” It choked out. That was true. Grace had told me several times that it taught that number back on earth, and how much he loved human children at that age. It was also a fact that I knew very few eridians would know, since we did not follow the same teaching structure as humans did, so we would have no use for knowing a number like that.
God, it really could be grace.
I needed to re-examine something. I motioned for him to come closer. He shakily stood up, taking two steps before collapsing to the ground. It couldn't walk properly; it could still be injured. This had to be because it didnt know how to walk in this body. Grace wouldn't know how to walk as an eridian! He wouldn't know how to speak as one. He would not know how to work an eridian body at all!
I decided just to let him be and moved closer myself. I let out a small chirp, taking another look at its markings. I examined its arms with the ship-like designs, realizing with a start not only was it a ship, but it was the fucking Hail Mary. In one image, it was moving away from a planet that looked a lot like Earth, while the other showed the Hail Mary going towards Erid. They were symbols of Grace's missions. To go to Tauceti, then to take me home. I quickly scrambled over to see the other markings. Yes, it was certainly a tree, but its branches were pointing to dozens of different Gems. Grace's gems.
After Grace's first year on Erid, Adrian and I decided Grace needed a celebratory outfit so that he could look like a true eridian. Adrian made him a necklace with long, straight gems that represented the two of us, his family. As our family grew, we added three more to his necklace—one for each of our children. Grace never took the necklace off. Later, Grace wanted more permanent gems to reflect our family, so he taught us a human custom, of piercing one's ears. It was not a pleasant process, and very difficult to achieve, but eventually Grace had a gem that matched Adrian and I’s wedding bands in both of his ears to represent to the rest of Erid who his family was.
Now, those very same gems were along this carving of a tree. The longer stones were attached to various branches; meanwhile, I noticed the gems that had originally been in his ears were now on top of two of his arms.
And then most telling of all was an indent on his left arm. It looked like my hand, and I knew immediately that it was the scar I had left on him when I rescued him.
It was Grace! It had to be! There would be no other explanation as to why he would have those gems and that scar. Not to mention the markings of the Hail Mary.
But I needed to ask one more thing before I could be one hundred percent certain it was my Grace.
“How did you end up on the Hail Mary?” His posture immediately changed. Letting out a grunt of disgust at the question. I knew Grace did not like talking about being forced on the Hail Mary mission, but I also knew only two erdians knew the truth of how it happened.
Grace let out another noise of discomfort before it slowly explained what had happened. “Was. forced. Others.” His words were cut off by more song, leaving him picking at the ground in distress for a few moments before he eventually got the hang of things again. “Others died. Did. not…want. Put-put in. Cage. Sent. Away. Amnesia-”
Before I even let him struggle out more words, I ran over and wrapped him tightly in an embrace. It was Grace, It was Grace! I let out long cries of joy as I held him tightly. It was actually strange to hold my friend without a xenonite barrier between us, but the strangeness was okay. Because he was alive. Grace was alive! He was somehow, someway, and Eridian, but he was okay! He moaned and whimpered, clinging to me tighter than anyone ever had. He couldn't form words; it was just cries, a few of happiness, but mostly ones of fear. I couldn't blame him. I couldn't imagine how terrifying the past few cycles have been for him. I hummed softly to him, singing a song I often used to help my children relax. Grace must have recognized it, and I could feel him slowly calm down in my arms. “It’s okay, Grace. It will be okay.” I said as his cries stopped.
But then the realization of what had happened hit both of us. We turned to each other and,
“What the fuck is going on?” We said in unison.