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I am not the jealous type. Not in the typical sense anyway. That being said, it doesn’t mean I don’t get jealous sometimes. I usually internalize it, use it to make myself better. But this one feels … different.
The trip to Erid will take four to five years. That’s a long time with a singular other living being and a computer to keep you company. We spend every day together. Perhaps I have become accustomed to that. And just maybe, I don’t like deviation from what I’m comfortable with. Lately, Rocky’s been spending a lot of time with Armando. It sounds silly, I know, but I’m beginning to worry that he’s getting sick of me.
All of my life, I have been told I am too much. I tried to suppress myself and my excitement, but sometimes the pot boils over. I have never restricted myself with Rocky. I never feel like I had to. I am under the impression we are on the same page. He is incredibly expressive with me, and I with him. But I can still hear Todd from sixth grade telling me to ‘shut the fuck up!’ in science class because I was going on about superfluid space-time. I remember all the kids laughing; they were all saying the same thing in their heads. The teacher did nothing but shake her head at them. The kids found me later at lunch, and I went home with a broken nose and shattered glasses because I had been using too big of words for their pea brains.
Things like that stick with you even when you’re in your 30s. Even when you’re in another solar system. Even when you have no reason to believe it’ll ever happen again, you still fear that it will.
I didn’t sleep much last night. I want to fall back asleep, but Rocky’s next to me, demanding that Armando show him more videos on the laptop. Rocky has figured out that Armando can be his out-of-ball appendage, and he has definitely been taking advantage of it. Sure, he could ask the same of me, but it gets tiresome. Armando never tires, and Armando never tells Rocky no.
So Armando is Rocky’s best friend now. The dilemma is obvious. I get my space now, but he’s giving me too much of it. It’s been difficult to get Rocky to myself, ever, even for just a chat. In the middle, he’ll ask Armando a question or have Armando bring him some equipment. But even getting a word in with Rocky this past week has been a chore. He’s glued to that laptop!
Yes, I understand that human history is vast, and it’s all new to him. I would be just as fascinated with an Eridian computer if it could tell me everything at the click of a few buttons. However, I believe I would balance my time. Now I play second fiddle to the ship’s artificial intelligence.
I pull my quilt over my head in an attempt to drown out the noise. It’s not happening. I flip over in my bunk so my head is in the wall in an attempt to drown out the noise. Close, but no cigar. I wrap the pillow around my head in an attempt to drown out the noise. Success! But I can’t sleep while holding something to my head. Frustration rises in my chest. I sit up quickly, smacking my head quite hard on the top of the carved-out space in the wall. I hold back expletives and just rub the growing bump on my forehead furiously.
“Armando, pause. Grace, okay, question?” Rocky turns his ball to me.
Armando presses the spacebar on the laptop to stop the video. Quiet. Peace and quiet. Only took a possible concussion.
“I need to sleep,” I said bluntly. “I think the videos are keeping me awake.”
“Grace sleep 8 hours. Grace need more, question?”
“I wasn’t actually asleep. I had a lot on my mind. Bad night.”
“What mean, question? What mean bad night, question? Normal night for Rocky.”
“Sometimes the human brain doesn’t shut off all the way. Not like an Eridian brain.” I shake my head and flop back down the right way on my bunk. “Just… give me a few minutes,” I mumble, but I can already feel the sweet pull of slumber. I chase it swiftly. Before I go out, I can make out one last thing he says:
“Okay. Rocky watch Grace.”
I awake very soon after to some … odd noises. They’re faintly coming from the computer. At least he turned the volume down. I can’t fault him for his curiosity. I turn over to see some truly unsavory things.
“Rocky!” I yelp at a pitch higher than I’m used to. It scratches my throat. He turns quickly to face me. Even Armando looks over. “Why are you watching porn?!” I cough out.
“No understand word. Rocky watch movie.”
At closer examination, he’s correct. He is watching a movie. I just so happened to wake up at the wrong moment. My cheeks still burn from the embarrassment and shock.
“What word just say, question?” Rocky focused back on the laptop, which had a completely normal dialogue scene in progress now. I'm so stupid.
“Nothing,” I grumble, rubbing my eye with one fist. “Are there parental locks on this thing?” I stand to inspect Armando’s torso. It keeps an eye on me as I do so. My fingers trace the buttons around the bend of metal. “Don’t you show him stuff he shouldn’t see…” I whisper to it. Its claw nods once.
I suppose it is a claw by function, but a head if I want to anthropomorphize it. And it technically wasn’t an ‘it’ if I named it Armando. ‘They’ it is.
“Or…” My finger hovers over the power override panel. One press and the push-to-release mechanism opens the panel. Inside is a small button; it shuts Armando down. I swear, I see them tremble slightly. “Understood?” They nod once.
“What Rocky not see, question? Grace stupid. Rocky want know everything human.”
“It’s gross stuff. Not interesting. Very not interesting.”
Rocky stares up at me for a second.
“Armando, show Rocky what Grace talking about.”
“No-!”
Armando quickly looks between Rocky and me. They are stuck in limbo, not knowing which command to obey.
“What hiding, question?! What Grace hiding, question?!” He stomps two feet like he’s throwing a fit.
“It-it-it’s- It’s personal! Not me personal, but…” I wave my arms around frantically. “H-Humanly personal-!”
“What, question?!”
Both our volumes begin to increase.
“Looks like you’re having an argument~” Armando announces in a gentle tone.
“It’s not an argument!” I groan, covering my face.
“Grace sleep more. Grace grumpy, angry, mean.”
“Mean?! How was I mea-?!” I pause mid-sentence to center myself. I take a deep breath. Perhaps the time spent together is taking a toll on me. “You know… how Eridians don’t like people watching them eat? Or talking during meals?”
He looks at me.
“Stupid question. Rocky Eridian. Of course Rocky know this.”
I scrunch my nose in frustration, but let it all out in a sigh.
“I was being rhetorical- Nevermind.”
“What mean, question?”
“I said nevermind. Humans have a ritual like that too. That you aren’t supposed to see. Our mating. It’s a very private process.”
Rocky points to the laptop. “Rocky watch mating in movie.”
“Not the same. That’s not real.”
He thinks for a moment. I can tell because he brings one hand to his carapace.
“Grace saying there is real videos of real mating.” He puts the pieces together flawlessly. I knew he would.
“A lot of them. And I don’t think it’s necessary to watch. It’s nasty and-”
“No. Mating not nasty. Mating special. Share oneself with another. Special.”
“Not for humans.”
“For all,” he corrects me. “Is magic of life.”
I cringe in humiliation, remembering my time on earth. Time I shared with others. Time I wasted with others. I bring my knees up to my chest and hug them tightly.
“I can’t and don’t want to explain it,” I mumble.
“Mating bring great shame to Grace. Rocky know this.”
“I’m not ashamed. I’m just not in the mood right now.”
“Okay. Rocky not bother.” He turns his ball away from me. A sharp pang spreads through my chest. It affects me so that I bring a hand up to touch the skin there. My scientific brain checks to see if my left arm is tingling. Of course it’s not, but my fingertips on both hands seem to be. I blink hard, trying to dissipate the feeling, but it’s here to stay.
I’ve done it again. I didn’t have to mention mating. I didn’t have to keep talking. I can never keep my mouth shut. That’s probably why he’s so invested in Armando. They never talk. Rocky can hear so many frequencies; what if my voice is grating to him? Would he tell me?
It’s been about a year now since I decided to come back for him. I think we both need space. One problem is that the thought of that causes immense panic.
The first few weeks after he permanently moved onto the Hail Mary, he would not leave my side. I couldn’t even piss with the door closed. He had to be sitting outside, making sure I wouldn’t go anywhere. He was scared; we both were. Are. We both are.
Saying goodbye to him was one of the most painful things I have ever done in my life, and I thank the stars that I’ll never have to do it again.
But I don’t know what the future holds, and that fills me with dread. I can’t seem to live in the moment. I pre-grieve a feeling I’m not even certain will occur again, but perhaps if I microdose on the hurt, I won’t be puking my guts out in despair.
Like I had for the first week without him.
I hate when he sleeps. It reminds me of when he broke from his tunnel to save me. I remember the anxiety all too well. I remember begging for him to wake up. Sometimes I still do when I’m left alone with my thoughts for too long.
It’s been almost a year since we started behaving this way, but something is changing. I hate it.
I can’t help the tears that drip down my cheeks and onto my kneecaps. How silly? How stupid?! He’s right there! He’s an arm’s reach away! He’s not going anywhere!
“Rocky…” I speak in a hushed tone, almost a pleading one.
“Armando, pause.”
I speak his name, and he speaks theirs. I squeeze my eyes shut to push out more tears, then bury my face in my legs.
“Grace. What wrong Grace, question?” He rolls over to his tunnel entrance, transfers, then scuttles up to his bed, next to mine.
I shake my head profusely.
“Stupid head, stupid mouth, stupid feelings.”
“Stop!” He flutes strenuously. I sniffle and wipe the excess on my forearm. My nose touches my scar. I pull away to really look at it. Sometimes, when I think hard enough, I can still feel the burn of his touch. “Use words.”
“I think this trip is taking a toll on me, Rock.” I can’t seem to draw my eyes away from my scar.
“Grace need break, question?”
“Opposite.”
“No understand.”
“Grace need Rocky.”
He takes a step back, not in fear but in surprise. I’ve spent so long with him that I can tell the difference. The silence rips at the hole in my chest.
“Grace need Rocky for what, question?”
I shrug. In all honesty, I had spoken before I thought. I don’t even know what I need from him.
“Just … need you here. You’ve been watching so many videos recently.”
“Grace watch with Rocky.”
“No. I know I said I would, but there’s only so much I can take. There has to be a better way.”
“This way most efficient for human history. Human memory flawed. Videos not lie.”
I drop my forehead onto my arms again and sigh. He’s right. The internet knows more than I ever will.
“What about a book, Dr. Grace?” Armando speaks up after a brief silence. I look up at them. They cock their head slightly; their way of saying ‘question’.
I look at Rocky.
Minutes turn into Hours. Hours turn into days. Days turn into weeks.
Books. Why hadn’t I thought of that sooner?!
Of course, we have other activities that we tend to, but the majority of our day is usually devoted to reading. Me reading, that is. Armando has a bunch of throat medicine in their inventory, which is usually used on coma patients to keep their throats from drying up. It has become necessary for me, as I read these books aloud to the two of them. Sure, I have the occasional sore throat, and I lose my voice more often than normal, but my goodness, it's worth it.
I have his attention. I have all of it. He sits and listens to me for hours. He asks me questions. He holds discussions with me about the material. I must give credit where it’s due; Armando is a genius. Non-fiction, fiction, biographies, autobiographies, textbooks, sci-fi, fantasies, horrors, adventures, thrillers, comics, mysteries, self-help, romances – you name it, I read it.
Sometimes, Rocky needs a little extra help visualizing something, so Armando will pull up a picture or a definition if I can’t find the words to explain, but that’s the only time we use the laptop now. We have a routine. Reading usually happens in the mid-section of the day, after I’ve had breakfast and before I have dinner. Then we resume after dinner until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. Some books can’t hold his interest, but he never wants me to abandon them. He just tinkers out of boredom while still listening. He wants to ingest everything.
Some of them were serious. Some of them were horrible. Some of them were sad. Some of them were great fun. Some took longer. Some we finished in a day. There was a period of time when I thought I would grow weary of doing this constantly. That day has yet to come. Each book brings something new. I’m learning. He’s learning. We’re bonding. Everybody’s happy. Even Armando gets invested sometimes.
“She placed her hand on his chest, feeling the expensive satin of his shirt under her fingertips,” I annunciate theatrically. I swoop across the floor with my tablet in one hand. The other comes to Armando’s torso, rubbing it as if I were the main character in the book and they were the love interest. “Amelia fiddled with the buttons. ‘How much did this shirt cost, George? It’s so soft,' she purred." I do the voices too, high-pitched for women, and deep, dark ones for men. I mimic undoing the buttons of a shirt down Armando’s torso. They watch me intently.
“Is bad! Is bad writing!” Rocky chimes, gleefully. He giggles soon after. Music to my ears; my performance is working.
“‘Not nearly as soft as your skin, ma chérie.’ His accent made Amelia swoon, even if she heard it every single day. She couldn’t help herself. She wanted to kiss him now! ‘But we mustn’t,’ George protested. ‘I have been lying to you, ma belle. My wife did not ask for a divorce. She knows not of our meetings.” My jaw drops as I look at Rocky. He flutes out a gasp. Even Armando whirs in surprise. I turn off the tablet. “End of chapter.”
“No! No, no, no!” Rocky stamps in his ball. I chuckle softly as I place the tablet on the side table.
“It’s dinner time, mon chérie,” I use my George voice to tease him. I dip out of the bedroom and head to the lab to sit and have a proper meal. Since I’ve been rationing, I usually only get a full meal once every two days. This is one of those times. This takes precedence over our sappy romance novel. “We will resume after.”
He follows me to the table, singing more protests. “Rocky want know more now! Bad hangercliff!!”
“Cliffhanger.” I sit down and pull back the film of my heated meal that Armando heated up for me. “Now you behave, or we won’t get to know more about George’s wife tonight.” I cock an eyebrow at him. He grumbles to himself.
The entire time that I’m savoring this meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and a big pouch of water for my throat, he’s dancing anxiously in his ball. He’s asking me questions about the book as if I know the ending. I don’t, but I enjoy theorizing with him. I smile down at him as he turns 720 degrees, using three hands to discuss the relationship between George and Amelia. How endearing he can be.
He knows the rules. He knows I do my bedtime routine and get settled for the night before we start reading again, but that doesn’t stop him from intervening. After my meal, I go to the lab again for a sponge bath. He follows me.
“I’m going to shower.”
He doesn’t leave. “Grace think George love Amelia more than wife, question?”
“I don’t know,” I say, untying my jumpsuit sleeves from my waist. I slide it down, which leaves me in my boxers and t-shirt. He still does not leave.
“Eridians hold much love for many people. Can have multiple mates for life. Humans not same. Why George mate with Amelia if George have wife, question?”
I peel off my shirt and turn away from him to the sink. I turn on the water to get it warm.
“Some humans are like that. They’re able to share their hearts and their minds with multiple people. George isn’t one of those people. He just wants to have sex. He is a bad person.”
“Agree. George bad, bad, bad.”
“Rock, I’ve kind of got to-”
He rolls around the room spouting more and more questions. He’s not going to leave. I relent with a sigh. I run the sponge under the water and add a splash of body wash. Once he reaches the other side of the room, I shuck my boxers too. Being exposed to him is not novel, but I don’t make a habit of it. I scrub myself quickly.
“Grace think Amelia love George, question?” Rocky rolls around the table and right up next to me. I jump, and cup my junk in embarrassment.
“Rocky…” I hiss through clenched teeth and red cheeks.
“Apology.” He turns around and heads back around the table. “Grace like when Rocky far away even if Rocky can still see Grace from far away.”
“Do you watch me shower often?!” I rinse out the sponge and sop up all the soap from my body.
“Yes. To see when ready to read again.”
“Oh…”
“Sometimes, wash genitals for long time.”
I gasp so quickly that I choke on spit. I heave for air.
“Stroke, and stroke, and stroke. Waste time. Could be reading to Rocky.”
I feel the entirety of my body heat up. Oh, how mortifying! Forgetting to remove my hand from my crotch does me a service; I feel it throb once in my palm. Oh. Maybe not as mortifying as previously thought. Or perhaps just as mortifying, and that’s what excites me.
“It’s time go.” Rocky stamps his foot impatiently.
“Let me uh- Let me get dressed,” I whisper, tossing the sponge back into the sink. I hurry back into clean clothes from the freezer. It makes me shiver and redistributes the blood from down south to all over. I’m thankful for that.
Soon, I’m in bed, tablet in hand again. My brain is in other places, though, mostly on the fact that Rocky watches me shower sometimes. I think I’m stuck on it because I’m waiting for the humiliation to arise, but it just doesn’t. In fact, interest is in its place. I don’t want to dive into that right now, so I open the book application and get back to reading.
Rocky is in his bed with his legs folded under him. This is his comfortable resting position. Armando is on my other side, close as if they need to be to hear me. They don’t. It’s charming. I look between the two of them and restrain a smile from growing between both ears.
“What happen next, question?” Rocky asks in anticipation.
“Amelia wasn’t sure how to feel. She wanted George so badly in this moment that she almost didn’t care about his lies. Her brain and her heart were pulling her in two directions. She had all the time in the world to feel bad about this. But she only had George for this night. He flew out early tomorrow morning.”
“What, question?!”
I chuckle at his surprise but continue.
“‘Amelia, I do not know what to say. I never meant to be dishonest. I just couldn’t lose you. Please, Amelia. Say something,’ George pleaded. He took both of her shoulders in a tight grip. Amelia couldn’t focus. All she could think about was the size of his hands.” This gets a giggle out of Rocky and me. Armando, too, but I think they just want to be included.
“Grace show Rocky hands,” Rocky placed one claw on his tunnel.
“What?” I glance at him. I place mine against his.
“Grace hands very big.”
I smile. His look so small near mine. My fingers curl instinctively towards the xenonite. His do the same.
“Well you know what they say about big hands,” I joke, but I forget the company I’m in.
“No. Rocky not know this. Why Grace think Rocky know this, question?”
“Oh right. Uh Big hands … big uh- big penis.” I cough, turning back to the tablet.
“Is why Amelia keeps thinking about George hands, question?”
“Yes! Yes, exactly,” I nod, thankful he steered the conversation away.
“Understand. Amelia want big penis.”
I laugh. Really hard. I can’t stop. I fold over my legs, holding my stomach. My laugh turns to a wheeze, and the wheeze turns into silent heaves. Rocky gleefully chirps with me.
“Is funny she want big penis, question?”
“It’s just-” I break down. “I wasn’t expecting that!” I sit back up, wiping tears from my cheeks.
“Grace laugh sound beautiful.”
Suddenly, nothing’s funny anymore. I feel adrenaline coursing through my chest as the thump of my heart becomes noticeable in my throat. My ears are on fire as I fumble with the tablet, which somehow got turned around as I laughed.
“No it’s … it’s annoying. Too loud.”
“Is just me and Armando. No need be quiet.”
“I … I guess that’s true, huh?” I smile at the tablet. It’s so large my cheeks hurt. I don’t even want to ask why because it might ruin the moment. This feeling.
I was always told to pipe down or shut up, but the two of them look forward to hearing me speak every day. They want to hear me. They want to sit by me and watch me. They enjoy my very presence.
It’s impossible to wipe the smile off my face as I begin reading again.
“Amelia looked up into George’s deep brown eyes. She was lost in the sea of chocolate. Her next words would change the course of her life. She could have the man of her dreams and be a homewrecker, or keep her dignity and walk away. She was paralyzed by the choice and the scent of his cologne.”
“Humans so complicated!”
“Soon, the want was too much for her. She grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pressed his face to his in a sloppy kiss.”
Rocky sang in happiness, waving his arms around and wiggling his carapace.
“George followed suit as he bent down to lift her off the ground. Amelia wrapped her legs around him. He quickly found the hotel bed and set her down on it. It was better than Amelia had ever dreamed of. He was strong and demanding. She could smell the want on his breath. He kissed her lips, her neck, her chest, her stomach, and her thighs through her dress. She needed it off now. He must be able to read minds because he tore it off of her in a second with no regard for the fabric.”
I feel the sweet sting of embarrassment as it begins to set in. This is a little awkward.
The book goes on to describe the sex in great detail. I had been unaware of how filthy this one was going to get when we started it. I can see my reflection in a mirror across the room. I’m bright red. I push through, though, because Rocky hasn’t said a word. He listens fully. He doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t ask a question. He just listens. Human mating is still a foreign concept to him. He soaks in everything he can.
“... Amelia reached down between the two of them to take George’s c- hm. His c-cock… in her hand-” Every word is a struggle.
“Grace, question?” Rocky asks. There’s a gentleness to his tone that I haven’t heard before.
“Yeah, pal?” I squeak.
“No understand…” He sounds almost ashamed. Rocky has a flawless memory and a vast imagination. He prides himself on it. When we first met, he was totally okay with admitting when he didn’t understand something. Now, it’s harder for him to confess. He wants me to think of him as this huge basin of knowledge, which I do. Perhaps he believes that if he doesn’t understand something, it shatters my illusion of how smart he is. This is entirely untrue. It’s not an illusion; he is the smartest person I have ever met.
“What uh… what part?” I clear my throat.
“All. Rocky can’t see in mind what happening in book.”
“Oh…”
“Perhaps Mr. Rocky is a visual learner,” Armando chimes in, unhelpfully.
My eyes widen as I slowly turn to the arm hanging from the ceiling. They turn away to point at the laptop with their head.
“No…”
“Armando genius!” Rocky stands, stomping one foot. “Grace say real mating videos on computer! Grace show Rocky what happening.”
I shake my head furiously.
“I think I need some water-” I set the tablet aside and throw my blankets off of me. I scamper to the dining area where a water pouch waits for me. I can’t get the cap off fast enough. I slurp it all down like a madman. It hits my throat weirdly, and I choke, spitting some of it out. The liquid drips down from my lips to my chin. I slow my breathing after choking and just let the water slide down my neck and collarbone. It feels so cold against my sweltering skin. I swallow one last time before wiping my lips with the back of my hand. I really need to get into the habit of checking warnings on books better. This isn’t the first time we’ve encountered sex scenes, but they’ve never been this descriptive. I should’ve known better, considering there was a French man with his shirt off on the cover. This was Rocky’s pick. He liked the title.
I lean on the table and catch my breath. Once the ringing in my ears dies down, I hear the laptop.
Oh. My. God.
My legs move faster than my body does. I slip on the spilt water and tumble onto my shoulder. The pain doesn’t matter right now; closing that laptop does.
“ARMANDO! TURN IT OFF! NO MORE!”
I scramble into the bedroom as my socks slide over every surface. The moans grow louder as I dive for the counter. I don’t even see what he’s watching before I shut the laptop with great force. I stand there, panting like a dog. I gradually turn towards Armando with a nasty glare. They duck their head down in shame, then point to Rocky in blame.
“Was watching that.”
“Rocky, we are not watching porn!” I say so sternly, I almost scare myself.
“Then Grace leave.”
“And that’s final.” I point at Armando, who cowers again.
I climb back into my bed after setting the tablet on the side table. “That’s enough for tonight.”
“Armando,” Rocky says in a challenging voice. “Play video.”
“What did I just say- Don’t you do it!” I hiss at the arm that is already reaching to open the laptop.
“Armando. Play.” Rocky stands from his resting position in his bed, and I notice something glistening underneath him. There’s a small, clear, viscous puddle where he was sitting. My eyes trail up to see his underside…
He’s leaking.
Not blood; it’s not silver, but a new substance. I sit up in bed and lean over to inspect it. I’m almost certain I know what it is, but I am beyond flabbergasted. Could it be true?
“Don’t do it, Armie.” I whisper, but I’m distracted now. “Rock, what is that?” I point rudely at the small puddle. He grumbles a deep run of notes that I can’t make out. “Speak up.” I’m so close to the xenonite now that I press my cheek to the side of his tunnel. A long drip stretches out from him and falls into the puddle. “I’m asking … for science.”
Rocky turns away, and his carapace sighs.
“When Eridians mate, eggs come out from here.” He points to his underside. “Liquid helps process be smooth. No pain. Like when human hungry. Saliva. Preparation for eggs.”
“You’re…” I glance up at him through the top of my glasses. “You’re wet.”
“Yes.”
My eyes widen. I truly cannot find the words. I feel a heat wash over my chest, then my gut.
“Armando. Play. Video. For science.”
“Perhaps a compromise,” Armando suggests. I haven’t been liking their suggestions lately.
“Perhaps not.” I shake my head, finally turning away from Rocky’s puddle.
“A demonstration?”
“Puppet show, question?” Rocky seems to perk up.
“I think it’s definitely time for bed-”
“Puppet show, puppet show!”
“Too bad! We don’t have puppets.”
“Grace be puppet.”
My body reacts before my mind can. I feel my dick twitch in my boxers.
“... What do you mean by that?”
“Grace show Rocky what Amelia do to George.”
“I- We- Uhm- H- Well-” I blow air out of my mouth in disbelief.
“Is problem, question?” He tilts his body.
“I mean. There’s only one of me. Can’t really do it without two-”
“Armando help.”
My eyes widen, and my mouth falls open.
“Always, Mr. Rocky.” Armando dips their head down in a bow.
“Rocky I-” My cheeks are on fire, my dick is half hard, and my brain is completely empty. Lust has consumed me.
It has been 16 years since I last had sex with someone who wasn’t myself. It truly is something I can live without. I say I was preoccupied with my job, the impending doom of our planet, and first contact with extraterrestrial life forms, but the truth is that it just doesn’t really interest me all that much. Perhaps I was sleeping with the wrong guys.
I place a hand on my crotch to push it between my thighs. “How…?” I whisper with a shake of my head.
“You read, Armando does.”
I exhale, entirely baffled by what is unfolding and truly bewildered by my lack of aversion to the proposition. I look to Armando. They nod once. I look to Rocky. He steps closer. Both hands come up to my face to cover it.
“Ok.”
“Yes, question?!”
“Yes.”
Every breath I take is shaky. Adrenaline courses through my veins even if nothing has happened yet. My hands tremble as I turn the tablet back on.
“Wh-Where do you want me to start?” I ask Rocky.
“When George put Amelia on bed. Is Grace. Grace on bed.”
I scroll back a bit and find the part he’s talking about. Armando comes closer to me. They’re an arm's reach away. I clear my throat, but my voice cracks anyway.
“He quickly found the hotel bed and set her down on it. It was better than Amelia had ever dreamed of. He was strong and demanding. She could smell the want on his breath. He kissed her lips, her neck, her chest, her stomach, and her thighs through her dress.”
“Kiss. Show kiss.”
“Armando can’t-”
“Grace.” Rocky points to me, then to Armando. I follow his point. Armando nods once again. I lean forward towards them.
“He kissed her lips,” I read before placing my lips gently under Armando’s camera. “Her neck,” I kissed their head extension. “Her chest,” My mouth found the top third of their torso. “Her stomach,” the middle third of their torso, “and her thighs- Armando doesn’t have-”
Armando reaches forward, pressing on my shoulder. I lean back into my pillows again.
“Here, Mr. Rocky.” Armando points their head to my thighs. The rubber tips of their claw brush my shorts. Goosebumps appear underneath.
“I see,” Rocky says in a deep pitch. It makes my back arch a little. I look over at him. He’s watching over me from his tunnel. I don’t want to look away, but I have to read.
“She needed it off now. He must be able to read minds because he tore it off of her in a second with no regard for the fabric.”
I feel the force of the tug; Armand pulls at my shorts. They, however, have regard for the fabric. I instinctively grunt at the first pull. Or at least I meant for it to be a grunt. It was more like a moan when it finally escaped my mouth. I could help them by pulling them off myself, but that’s not what George does. Armando yanks again, and my shorts are at my knees. I pull up one leg, then the other, to slip them out of the shorts. I’m left in my boxers.
“Read,” Rocky demands.
I huff at his impatience. “Amelia moaned so loudly she was sure the people in the hotel room over could hear her. She didn’t care. She just wanted George to touch her. She was already soaked. Again, he used his apparent telepathy and started rubbing her through her panties-” I brace for it this time. Armando’s head claw comes to my bulge, wrapping the four rubber appendages around it. My eyes flutter shut, and my hips can’t help themselves but lean into it. “Mmhf.” I cover my mouth to muffle the noises as I grind gently into their touch. “‘Oh, how wet you are for me, my dear Amelia,’ G-George purred.”
“Oh, how wet you are-” Rocky repeats as if he’s rehearsing. I can’t help but think of it as encouragement, even if he hadn’t meant it like that. Sweat begins to coat my forehead.
“He pushed her panties to the side and-” I already feel Armando pulling at the waistband of my boxers. I lift my hips so they can remove them entirely. “And began to rub her clit- I have to preface that I have different anatomy than- Oh Christ,” I cut myself off with a groan. The rubber claw starts to rub my tip in circles, and the tablet falls onto my chest. Give me a second.
“Rocky see in video on laptop what it look like. Rocky know. Rocky can imagine.”
I huff and puff while Armando slowly teases me. My knees fall open to give them better access, but they don’t go past the tip. I glance at Rocky. He’s dripping again.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” I scoff.
“Is for science.”
I roll my eyes and lick my lips.
“Read, Grace. No stopping.”
“Alright… Alright…” I pick the tablet back up. “Amelia felt the rush of those big hands she used to fantasize about finally being on her, and soon in her.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Rocky place his hand on the xenonite paneling as he did previously. I take one hand off the tablet and place it on my side of the wall against his.
“Big…” Rocky hums.
The corner of my lips twitches up as my breathing grows more labored.
“You know what they say…” I repeat.
He just grunts. My shaking hand comes back to the tablet. “A-Amelia was getting impatient. She pulled at George’s belt haphazardly. It came off in one fell swoop as did the button on his pants. She needed him now. She didn’t give a damn if he was married. He was hers right now. Amelia reached down between the two of them to take George’s cock in her hand.” Now Armando moves. They begin to stroke me, tip to base in long, agonizing pumps. I can’t help but gasp. One hand flies up to grip the wall behind my head.
“Fuck,” I hiss. It feels good to curse every once in a while, and I think this situation warrants it.
“Cock. Dick. All words for penis, question?” Rocky asks.
I nod fervently as my glasses jiggle on my nose.
“And that is penis, question?” I look over at him to see what he’s pointing at. Between my legs. I nod again. “Is Grace penis big like George, question?”
My cheeks go dark red, and my bottom lip trembles slightly.
“Uh-”
“Yes.” Armando answers. “Dr. Grace’s penial size is above the average for a man of his age.”
I whimper in embarrassment.
“What mating advantage is big penis, question?”
“F-feels good. More full.”
I hear a small amount of liquid fall from him this time. It splats out into the existing puddle. I’m irrationally upset that I didn’t see it happen.
“Full,” I repeat. “You like being full.” I refuse to take my eyes off him this time.
“Rocky not say stop reading.”
I smirk. He won’t admit it, but I can read him pretty well. Armando is unrelenting with their slow pace, and I want more, so I heed Rocky’s order.
“Amelia couldn’t contain her excitement. She replaced his hand with his cock.” I whine as Armando releases mine. “Hey…” I frown. Armando doesn’t say a word as they leave the room, rolling across the ceiling. They open a cabinet then a first aid pouch. Inside was a small baggy labeled JUST IN CASE in Statt’s handwriting. I cock my head to the side. “What are you doing?” Armando opens the bag and removes a singular golden square: a condom.
My eyes widen. Jesus, Stratt- Wait.
“What’s that for?”
“There is no lubricant on the ship, Dr. Grace. This should help with friction.” They delicately undo the golden packaging. Oh my god.
“Wait wait wait… There’s gotta be something better-” I look all over the room. Nothing jumps out. Anything in the lab would be far too dangerous. Stratt definitely never thought anything like this would be going on in her ship. Helplessly, I look between Rocky and Armando. I settle on Rocky and then below him. I feel my entire face heat up as I realize a solution. He glances down too, and then walks away. “Where are you going-?”
He returns with a small Eridian container, like the ones he sent me when we first met, but travel-sized. He also has a small spoon-like device. He scoops his puddle into the bottle. I gulp down the knot in my throat. He puts the bottle in the airlock, and Armando retrieves it. I stare up at the ceiling, trying to control my breathing.
This is really happening. Armando is going to finger me with Rocky’s slick.
My entire body shivers as pre-cum leaks out of my head. I’m crazy. I have to be insane. I’m going to blame it on the trip and the lack of touch. I might not have been very interested in intimacy before, but that doesn’t mean I don’t crave it sometimes. These two are my only options, but don’t get me wrong: I am not settling. What do you think I was thinking about during those spongebaths? Maybe I wanted Rocky to watch.
Armando rolls the condom over one of the claw tips. They then use Rocky’s spoon device to spread the clear liquid over it. They take another scoop and bring it towards my legs. I bend at the knees and slowly spread my thighs.
“Is this what you want?” I look at Rocky. He’s so close to his side of the wall that his body is scraping against it.
“Read.”
I’m going to get him to talk one of these days. I pick up the tablet again. The words are blurry, and I can feel myself clenching in anticipation. Armando is right there. “Where were we?” That’s when I feel it. It’s hot. I jump a little bit at first, but the temperature adjusts. The spoon paints around my hole and slowly slides in. “Ah-!”
I really don’t want to read anymore. My eyes find Rocky, and I do my best puppy dog eyes. “D-Do I have to-?”
“Yes. Is whole point.”
I can feel myself leak onto my stomach. Rocky’s slick is inside of me. Armando is inside of me. Maybe Rocky is onto something by liking being Full. I reach down to start stroking my shaft, but I’m quickly scolded.
“No! Not in book!”
I cry out softly. “Rockkyyy, you don’t understand!”
“Exactly. Is whole point.”
“How do you feel, Dr. Grace?” Armando slides the spoon out of me. The rounded head pops out, and I gasp. I send an affirmative nod to the computer. I turn back to the tablet and lick my dry lips.
“George slid himself inside, gently at first despite wanting to ravish her.”
Armando breaches me as kindly as possible. My cock is flush against my stomach, entirely untouched, dampening my t-shirt, and bright red. I arch my back as they finally get in. So warm. So so so warm…
“I- Fuuu… Mmf…” My hips start pressing down on Armando who stays still. They listen well. “More- Right uh- G-George started uhhh thrusting- Rocky…” I squeeze my eyes shut as Armando begins to rock back and forth. “Rocky I can’t read-” I shake my head.
“If Grace stop, Armando stop,” he flutes. We can’t have that. I grip the tablet and use my entire brain to focus on the words.
“A-Amelia hated how slow he was taking it. She egged him on. ‘Is that all you’ve got, big boy?’” Armando speeds up, growing a centimeter deeper with each thrust. I must keep my eyes open. I must keep my voice functional. I feel saliva spilling out of the corner of my lips. “‘Faster. I’m not delicate,’ Amelia purred. George obeyed. She liked how he listened to her. She liked that she could ask him to do whatever she wanted. She knew his secret. He’d do anything to make her keep it.”
I see movement out of the corner of my eye. I know if I look away now, I’ll lose focus. I can’t do that. “Hnnngg mmmm- ‘It is true that you are my princess, but you do not act like one in bed,’ George whispered in a voice that caused Amelia to shutter.”
“... Princess…” Rocky repeats. I moan pathetically loud. It echoes off the walls of the ship.
“Uh huh?”
“...Grace princess, question?”
“Uh huh!!” I nod so hard I think my head’s going to fly off.
“Mm.”
More movement off to my left on Rocky’s side, but I refuse to look. The words on the screen are so fuzzy; my glasses can’t even save me. My knuckles go white with how tight my grasp on the tablet is.
“H-His hips started bucking into hers. She took his entire length with ease. She had been waiting for him.” The entirety of one of Armando’s prongs is in me now. Then it isn’t. Then it is. They keep pulling out entirely before pressing back in. I spread my legs further, but no position seems to be right. I left one of my legs and Armando’s second arm rests under it. This allows them to hit a new spot. “UHHMF!” I call out, not wanting to move. I’m dizzy with want and need. I can’t see the screen anymore. The tablet falls forward, and I finally look over to see what Rocky’s been doing this whole time.
Oh, good god.
He’s got his hand up inside of himself.
The liquid drips down his arm and onto the floor. The same liquid that’s inside me right now.
“Armando,” Rocky calls out. It no longer sparks jealousy, but excitement. I smile in a dazed state. “Match speed.”
My lips fall wide open as Armando starts inserting themself into me at the same rate as Rocky slides his arm into himself.
“This… This what Amelia feel, question?” I’ve never heard him stutter like that. I nod again. The liquid drips out some more. Every time Armando bottoms out, which isn’t the most I’ve ever taken, I release a moan. Rocky catches on quickly and flutes out some notes with me.
Enough with George and Amelia. I want it to be Rocky and Grace.
I lift the tablet and wipe my watering eyes.
“Amel- … G-Grace was over the moon. Nothing else mattered except for this moment. Her conscious was clear, even if it was just for now. She didn’t care what came next.”
“Grace…”
“She brought her hand down between the two of them to touch herself, but Geor… Rocky did not allow that…”
More liquid splashes onto the xenonite. I slowly reach for my cock.
“No.”
“He grabs her wrist and pins it above her.”
“Armando.”
Armando’s arm, which was propping my leg up, comes to my wrist. They push it back above my head. I placed my socked foot onto the xenonite tunnel to keep myself spread. I whine and squirm, needing to be touched.
“... Rocky brought his own hand down to start rubbing Grace.” I sigh in relief. “She felt herself getting closer. This is everything Grace had ever dreamed of.”
Armando’s third arm comes between my thighs and wraps around my base. They start stroking me at the same pace that they were inserting themself into me. My mouth moves, but no noise can come out. I physically can’t keep my eyes open. With one arm pinned and both legs spread, I’m being filled, getting pumped, and hearing Rocky’s squelch. I can’t focus on anything else.
“Rocky!” I moan. “I’m gonna-”
“Not yet. Book not say yet.”
“And then George made Amelia orgasm.” I rush out, making things up entirely, but I need this.
“Not truth. Grace not lie to Rocky. Rocky make Armando stop if Grace lie again.”
I cry out like I’m about to throw a tantrum.
“Please, Rocky! I c-can’t hold it!”
“Grace will. Rocky believe in Grace. Continue.”
I clench all the muscles I can. My voice trembles as I start up once again.
“Am-Amel-Amelia’s… Amelia’s vision was blurry. Her hands began to tingle-”
“No.”
“What?! What’s wrong now?!” I whine.
“Other names.”
I glance at him. He pulls his arm out. It’s dark with his slick. He spreads his fingers. The liquid sticks to each one and draws out like a scrumptious cheese pull. Really? That’s what I compare it to. I blame my current situation. No one can be expected to think properly in this scenario.
“Grace’s vision was blurry… Her hands began to tingle under G-Rocky’s grIP…” I let out an ungodly noise that I’ve never made before. “Shegripsthesheetsinherfists-” I can’t stop panting. My vision is fading in and out. I’m soaked in sweat, and pre-cum, and Rocky’s slick. There’s so much pressure in my lower gut that I’m certain I’m going to burst. I shouldn’t have drunk that much water before.
Everything happens so fast. Tears form in my eyes, not from any sort of negative emotion, but from pure concentration. I have never been this loud in my life. It starts as a whine and grows to a wail. I thought I was going to fail Rocky, but instead, small spurts of piss start seeping into my shirt every time Armando presses into me. I whimper and do my best to stop it. Rocky sings a deep song; oh, he liked that. I look over and see the small gush of liquid fall from him this time. And thank God I did. Now I’ve got something to remember for my sponge baths.
I cry out, wanting nothing more than to release everything. But I’m not allowed. I hold it back with all my might. Rocky’s squelching is louder and faster than ever; he’s close too. Through tears and hiccupping breaths, I finally read the words I’ve been waiting for.
“With a thundering cry, G-Grace felt the wave of her ORgasm hit, t-t-t-traveling from her legs to her head-! Now, Rocky?!”
“Yes, Grace Princess.”
I dig one heel into the mattress and the other into the xenonite. My back arches far off the bed, causing Armando to slip out of me. Ropes of cum hit my shirt, spurting as far up as my chest. I scream out Rocky’s name, and this sends him over the edge. I force my eyes open to watch as a magnificent wave of white pearlescent fluid splashes out from under him. There are hundreds of small spheres within the liquid. My mouth stays open, hips jerking into Armando’s grasp as I ride out the last of the wave. Rocky’s legs shake as he tries to keep himself upright. Two give out, and he falls to his knees with a thunk.
I turn towards his tunnel, speechless and overstimulated. I slowly close my legs and shiver at the phantom feeling of Armando’s hands all over me. My hole is still warm and wet, and my t-shirt is entirely ruined and damp. I could fall asleep right now. There’s genuinely nothing active in my brain other than this fuzzy feeling that I wish I could cling to forever.
“Are you satisfied, Dr. Grace?” Armando asks in a kind tone.
“B-Beyond. You did amazing…”
They do a shorter version of Rocky’s jazz hands. It’s actually quite cute.
I snuggle up to the xenonite tunnel, and Rocky scooches as close as he can to me.
“Get it now, Rock?” I whisper, placing my hand on the wall.
“Mm no. Show Rocky one more time. Was distracted.” He wheezes out gently. I chuckle. “Is joke.”
“I got it,” I smile. Rocky’s wet hand comes to mine. I admire the color it’s turned.
Armando lets me rest for a bit, then does what they were actually made to do: tend to my needs. They pull my shirt up over my head and place it in the sink. They get a wet sponge and clean my torso. They start to bring it down to my butt, but I tell them I want to keep Rocky there a little longer. They bring me new underwear, and while I’m relieving my very persistent bladder, they even change my sheets. It’s sweet. I feel cared for.
Rocky has to clean his side of things. He does so while I’m in the bathroom. For a moment, I stay in the doorway. Neither of them are paying attention to me. I watch them do their own thing for a second. Armando is fluffing my pillow, and Rocky is scrubbing his tunnel. I can’t help but smile. How silly of me to have been so jealous.
There isn’t anyone else in this universe I’d want to be stuck on a spaceship with.